Lost in Space S1E6 - English Transcript

[ Thunder Rumbling ] [ Man Narrating ] Last week, as you recall Will Robinson had sent out a radio signal unaware that far out in the void of space a strange missile-like object was even now homing in on it. You should know better than to have the radio on during a storm, Will. - But I thought I was getting something. - Try again in the morning. It isn't safe to keep it open with a storm of this severity. Not safe? Why? What could happen? Well, when it's tuned this high, you could very easily bring one of those lightning bolts crashing down on us. Abnormally high wavelengths, coupled with the electrical storm, produce a homing signal. Homing signal? Then anything out there could home in on us? Anything at all? That's hardly likely. With the exception of those lightning bolts I don't think there's anything out there within light-years of us. - [ Thunder Rumbling ] - How do you know what's out there? A deadly runaway missile! Some sort of alien monstrosity waiting to swoop down on us! Well, in that case, Dr. Smith, uh, might I suggest that you man your post throughout the night. 'Cause I'm going to bed. Come on, champ. [ Chuckles ] - There! There! - [ Beeping ] You wouldn't believe me, but there it is. [ John ] It's a missile, and it's headed straight for us! [ Beeping ] What do you think it could be, John? Your guess is as good as mine, darling. Well, whatever it is, it must have homed in on those radio signals Will sent out last night. It sure is coming in fast. I hope it's not one of those alien monstrosities. It's no pigeon, that's for sure. That boy should never have been allowed to tamper with the radio. I wasn't tampering. I was trying to raise something. Space devils, no doubt. I never heard of space devils. Haven't you, my dear? Well, there's one right there. A deadly intruder swooping in on us with the speed of light spitting flame and cosmic dust, burning up our precious oxygen spreading its lethal virus. It's homed in on us, all right, and approaching fast. There's just a possibility it may change its course. Till we know for sure, we'd better sit tight. It's getting awfully close. It's landed. No sign of any movement. Well, we just can't wait for it to come to us. Don and I will take the Robot and investigate. Break out the lasers. A splendid idea. However, I do believe the Robot should stay here with me. That is, uh, us. Oh, on second thought, I-I think I'd like to have you with us. Me? Out there? - Defenseless? - Oh, we all have our guns. What use are they going to be against a monster who eats electrons for breakfast? You don't have to take one if you don't want to, Doctor. - What about me? - Well, what about you? I'm responsible for it being here. You can't leave me out now. Please, Dad. All right. Follow me. Or, better still I'll follow you. John, it must be just ahead. Let's take a look. All right. Will, you stay back here. Halt. Halt. Don't be afraid, Will. Just, uh, keep calm. - I am. - You see these alien creatures may be very terrifying. You mustn't panic, you know. - And don't tremble. - I'm not. You are. - Look at the Robot. - Object approaching. It can't be. Howdy. Halt! [ Chuckles ] His footwork's gonna have to be a lot more nimble than that if he figures on hittin' me. Hapgood's my name, boys. Jimmy Hapgood. - I'm John Robinson. This is Don West. - Howdy. How do you do? - Oh, my son, Will. - Hello there, boy. - [ Clears Throat ] - Oh, that's Dr. Zachary Smith. Howdy, Doc. - Where am I? - We don't know. We were headed for Alpha Centauri. We went out of control and crashed. What about you? - What about me? - Where were you headed? Well, thataway. That is, until I picked up your signal. You see, Travelin' Man, he's got a nose like an old hound dog. for hunting down doggies. Now, of course, you're not what I call real doggies. - What kind of a dog is Travelin' Man? - Oh, he ain't no dog, son. It's my ship. It's in pretty good shape. Needs a little charging up, but pretty good shape. - Mind if we take a look? - No. Stay! So, you don't know any more about this little ol' planet than I do, do you, Zach? "Zach"? Indeed. You know, I got a grandpa back in Big Springs by that name. Come to think of it, you look a little bit like him. Course, maybe he was a little more spryer than you the last time I saw him. Appearances can be deceptive, you know. Yep. I'll allow you that. For instance, this little ol' planet here. It looked as big as Texas from up above. When you get right down to it, I think you could put it all in the panhandle. We haven't seen it all yet, Mr. Hapgood. No. How about its sun? You know its name? - No, sir. - Well, how 'bout that. Then you're all just like me, ain't ya? You're as lost as a wood tick on a bald mountain. It's a terrible thing-- being lost. Sure is. If you're inclined to misery. It's a fine ship in its class. - Early '80s design, isn't it? - Yeah, '82. That's the year I took off. That's more than 15 years ago. - Oh, it's all that, sonny. - What was your original mission? A Saturn landing. But I never made it. Well, what happened? Oh, nothin'. Well, now maybe I did look in on a wrong star-- curiosity. You know, curiosity killed the cat one time, boy. [ Laughs ] Since then, there ain't hardly a spot in this galaxy I ain't touched. But I never did find a path that'd take me home. I guess they must have written me off back there a dozen years ago. We'd really like to hear more, but I think we should get back to the spaceship. Let the others know we're all right. Why, sure, you do that. You go ahead, and I'll secure the ship and join you. Will, would you like to stay with Mr. Hapgood show him the way back to the Jupiter 2? - Yes, sir! - All right. I guess you've got me to thank for you being here, Mr. Hapgood. Oh? How come? I was trying to raise something on the radio last night when you picked up our signal. I bet you were surprised to find us. Oh, I'm not too surprised to find people, son. What are you surprised at? Well I'll tell ya. Finding things that you know can't exist but do. Happenings that'll put your heart up in your mouth and your blood down in your toes. Livin' things that breathe in fire and swim in ice. Yes, sir. - [ Spray Hisses ] - And you know something, sonny? I ain't even seen a smidgen of it yet. - [ Spray Hisses ] - You don't really need to do that. The atmosphere is very clean here. Not like it is back home. Oh? [ Chuckles ] You mean to tell me they haven't found a way to lick that? [ Chuckles ] Well, it ain't on account of dirt I'm decontaminating Travelin' Man. Why do you? Did you ever hear of one man's meat being another man's poison? Well, I'm gonna tell ya. You see, there could be, uh, spores on this planet or bacteria. And it could mix with alien spores that I might have brought in with me. Ain't no tellin' what could breed from that if I didn't do this. - Happened once. - It did? Where? Well, I was, uh, I was coming in on this little dinky planet up on the Epsilon orbit. Epsilon Indi? No, Eridani. How'd you know about that? - Studied astronomy. - You did, did ya? [ Chuckles ] Well, anyhow I looped this little bitty planet and I come on in. What did you find there? Why, it was pretty as a picture. It could have been springtime in the valley of the Rio Grande. Then it wasn't scary or anything? Well, not then. It was though. You see, I went out to do a little sightseeing. I come back to my ship. It was all a-swarm with these outlandish bugs and they weren't no bigger than locusts but they were a hundred times as fierce. And they were chewing their way right through my hull. - Eating metal? - That or something that was on it. Did you collect any specimens? Just a scar. Boy! I'll finish decontaminating your ship if you like. You would? How much you charge? Just another story of your adventures when we get back to camp. Buddy, you got yourself a deal. Hey, maybe I'll tell you about them, uh, crystal critters I run acrossed out in the Ganymede. Now, son, they were something. Yes, sir. Dry rot. One of these days I'm gonna find something a man can smoke with enjoyment. Hey, Mr. Hapgood, wait for me! [ Chuckles ] It can't be that bad. It's a new herb I crossed with one of our own species. It's peppery. Is something wrong? - No, nothing wrong, but-- - But what? Uh-- Our-- Our visitor. Oh? What about him? I just looked over his ship. It's really in good condition. I think that Don and I can help him get back to Earth. Oh, that's wonderful, John. Have you told him? Not yet. Well, why not? After all, he-- There's something you're not telling me. Now, have I ever kept anything from you? Just you try. I'd wring your neck. Now are you going to tell me? You remember when we first discussed our plans for the space flight? We couldn't decide whether we had the right to bring Will and Penny along. Yes, I remember. Have you ever regretted our decision? [ Maureen ] You want the truth? The truth. All right. It's possible to let them go. - What? - No, no. Hapgood's ship is big enough if we pull the ballast tanks. Oh, John, no. Do you know what you're saying? Well, not knowing how long we can last here or if we can ever get the Jupiter to fly again they deserve something more than that. [ Sobbing ] Is that what you want? Yes. I suppose so. If anyone should go, it's the children. [ Maureen Continues Sobbing ] Delightful child. You are happy here, aren't you, my dear? Of course you are. I don't know. Sending whole families out into space somehow or another, just doesn't seem right. [ Chuckles ] All this makes me and Travelin' Man feel like kind of a horse and buggy. - Mind if I look inside? - Go right ahead. [ Wolf Whistle ] [ Whirring ] Navigational guidance system and spectroscope. It's a dandy piece of hardware you got there, boys. I wouldn't have no trouble getting home with a thing like that, would I? And then there'd be no more marathons for Jimmy Hapgood. I'd settle down a little launchpad of my own. [ Chuckles ] Well, we'll be glad to let you have it if it'll be of any help. Are you kidding? We stand a good chance of getting where we're going without it, once we can fly. Are you absolutely sure-- Now you're absolutely sure you don't need that thing? No, we don't need it. Besides, you've been away too long. You deserve a chance to get back. Yeah. Earth. Back home. Something wrong? Well, the quickness of the mind has deceived the eye. Why? What do you mean? Well, I appreciate your gift, John, but that thing's too big. It's too heavy. [ Don ] There must be something you can jettison. If I jettison any more than I already have, I'd have to walk home. Thanks a lot, but better forget it. You give up too easily, gentlemen. Couldn't help overhearing. You may relax, gentlemen. I've just solved your problem. What you people seemed to have overlooked in your great haste to send Mr. Hapgood on his way is that we have a smaller but identical mechanism that will definitely do the trick. And just where do you expect to find that? Right here. Come! Spectroscope, navigational guidance system space sextant-- the works. Well, bless your little ol' ironsides. What are you getting from this, Smith? Only the satisfaction of knowing that I've made it possible for Mr. Hapgood to be reunited with his loved ones. How much time do we have? Well if his liftoff's within, uh, 48 hours, our navigational guidance system could give him a lock on the Kruger 60. Why, sure, boys. I could find my way home blindfolded from that friendly little beacon. Plenty of time. Now, we'll do the operation below. All instruments should be sterile, of course. And we'll follow the routine surgical procedure. It's quite simple, really. Not too different from a kidney transplant. Excuse me. I must scrub up. I think I underestimated Zach. He's a lot more spry than my grandpa ever was. Microwrench, please. Ratchet driver. Warning! Warning! What is it this time? Attitude stabilizer losing power. Losing power. Losing-- Poor old thing. He doesn't like this one bit. Why don't you switch him off? I need his alert cooperation. Although, I could use some local anesthesia if there were such a thing. Warning! Warning! Vidicon film exposed. Close shutter. I wish you'd told me that sooner. Are you sure that's painless? Completely. [ Hapgood ] How much longer you gonna be? If you were more familiar with the delicacy of this procedure you wouldn't ask. Well, all I know is that I got a star to catch in about 48 hours. You'll catch it. I didn't know our Robot had one of these. Zach, time's a-wastin'. Warning! Warning! Losing directional capability. Losing wobble damper. Losing spectral. Navigation unit inoperative. Ah! A surgical masterpiece. Even though I do say so myself. Everything go now, eh, Jimmy my boy? Well, now all we have to do is get it on my vehicle. That won't take too long. Right now, I believe there is some cause for celebration. Would you like some more of my mother's space pie, Mr. Hapgood? Jim. If I have one more bite, I won't be able to get in my space suit. Oh, not even a little bit? Well, honey anything that suits you, suits me just fine. - I don't think I wanna go, Mother. - Neither do I. It's not a question of choice, children. Going back to Earth is something your mother and I believe is right for you. And we wanted you to be prepared before we speak to Mr. Hapgood about it. Well, if-if you think it's best, Mother. We do, dear. Is that all, sir? Yes, that's all. Now off to bed with ya. Go on. [ All Laughing ] Hey, there they are! Maureen the last time I sat down to a home-cooked meal like that was a day or two before I took off, and I was with my family. - Oh, Jim. - That was a long time ago. You know, nothing in space has ever welcomed me and I'm sure it's been the same with you. [ Chuckles ] Seems like no matter where you go they got the place posted. It says, "Keep out. Enter at your own risk. " Pretty soon, you begin to feel like there's no difference between living and dying. And that's the way it's been for me. And meeting y'all has changed all that. There is a difference. There's a big difference between living and dying and I'd just about forgotten about it. Look at that. Did you ever see so many stars in all your life? It seems like they're right there just for the taking. If a man could live forever, he'd really have it made, wouldn't he? Hey, I-I, uh-- I hate to eat and run but, uh, I gotta get back to the ship. I gotta lay in that guidance system. And, John, I got enough solar energy stored up by now, don't you think? - Oh, I'd say so. Jim. Jim. - Yeah. Come here. I haven't mentioned this before because well, neither Maureen nor I were sure about it, but we are now. Sure about what? When you leave tomorrow, we want you to take Will and Penny with you. - The kids? - Yes. Let me get this straight. You want me to take Will and Penny in Travelin' Man and go where? Well, back to Earth, Jim. You gotta be joking. No, this is no joke. You've got a very good chance of getting back. Forget it! I said forget it! I'd have to be out of my mind to take on something like that. Me and two kids in Travelin' Man? I'd be signing their death warrant as well as my own. I'm a little surprised, John, that you'd have something like that in your mind. Or that you expect me to go along with it. Well, I was just thinking of them. It's too bad you didn't think about them before you found out that space don't take too kindly to family outings. You're not out of gas on a highway back home, mister. You're way out yonder. And there ain't no highways way out yonder. As far as I'm concerned, you're out of luck. I've got some star charts in the spaceship that'll help you. I'll get 'em. Hapgood, I think you owe him an apology. [ Hapgood ] Get outta my way, sonny. - [ Don ] I said you owe him an apology. - I don't owe him nothing but I thank you for a meal that quit giving me pleasure about two minutes ago. Now get outta my way! [ Whistles ] Is, uh-- Is that your best shot? [ Chuckles ] Yee-hah! Come on here, boy. Try it again. Right there. Come on. Right on the chin. Hey! Hey! Whoa! Hey! Look out! You already missed! [ Chuckles ] Hey, hold it! You want some more? Just a minute here. Yee-hah! [ Hapgood ] Don't tell me you're not finished yet! [ Groans ] All right. I apologize but I still ain't gonna take them kids. [ Chittering ] Ah, good morning. Good morning. Howdy. I must say you showed good, sound horse sense yesterday, Jimmy my boy. I can't begin to tell you how much I enjoyed listening to you. Oh? Listenin' to what? Why, uh, your answer to that ridiculous suggestion they made to you. Hmm. Well, impractical is what it was. Very. Imagine being cooped up in that splendid little vehicle of yours with a pair of extremely undisciplined and precocious brats. Now, you don't have to go calling them names, Zach. They're just normal kids, that's all. They just don't belong with me in Travelin' Man. Precisely the point. They don't belong in Travelin' Man any more than I belong here on this benighted planet. Well, now that was a chance you took when you volunteered. I? Volunteer? Oh, my dear Jimmy I was literally shanghaied. There I was, in my capacity as president of the Zachary Smith Engineering Corporation giving my final blessing to the Jupiter 2 which owes so much to my own engineering skill. When-- Poof! I was whisked into space. And here I am. I thought you were a medical man. I have degrees in both medicine and science. So very useful on a long flight. So you see, Jimmy, if there is anyone who is rightfully eligible to go back to Earth with you it can only be myself. And incidentally about that little launchpad you mentioned? I could engineer that for you right off the top of my head. And, of course, there'd be no charge. [ Both Laughing ] Well, you know, Zach, you being such a good engineer and all I'd think you'd better engineer yourself another way out of this. 'Cause Travelin' Man don't carry no passengers. What on Earth is that supposed to mean? [ Hapgood ] Always leave my mark, anyplace I go. And that one? That one's my 91st. Well here today and gone tomorrow. Howdy. Hello, Hapgood. Say, if you fellas are still mad at me, just say so and I'll leave. We're not angry. At least I'm not. - You still mad? - No. I'm just sorry I didn't hit you any harder. - Was a pretty good fight, wasn't it? - Yeah, that it was. - [ Laughing ] - Oh, you. Uh, say. You still want me to have that guidance system-- since I'm not taking the kids? Sure. Take it. Somebody might as well get home. Well, uh, guess I'd better go run a check on Travelin' Man. - I haven't done that yet. - Hey, John. - Wanna give me a hand with this? - All right. Jim, wait! - [ John ] Are you all right? - It's my back. We'll get you in the ship. Come on. All right. Here. Let me help. Oh. - Get Dr. Smith. - Mother, I wish now I hadn't hit him. - Just get Dr. Smith. - Do you think he'll be able to leave today? Well, we'll know as soon as Dr. Smith examines him. How are you feeling? Oh, all right. I'll be all right in the morning, according to Zach. - What's that? - Well, I call it space chowder. I've been more trouble to you folks than an old goat in a paper mill. Oh, not at all. Why, you've probably saved the men a month's extra work. We're very grateful to you. Now, look. About, uh, Will and Penny, I, uh-- You're the commander of your ship. Your decision is the only one that matters. Well, here I am. Sound as a bell and rarin' to go. Would you like another cup of coffee before you do? Oh, no, thanks. I gotta get back and run that check on Travelin' Man. - [ Will And Penny ] Can I go? - Why, sure. - Can we? - Yes. I'll tell you that story I promised you on the way. Looked like a big fish more than anything else-- all mouth and long feelers where its eyes oughta be. Low gravity can account for that, I guess. See, there's hardly any atmosphere. Well, it came right up to the ship. And the second it touched metal-- Zam! There was a whale of an explosion. [ Chittering ] Stay here. [ Chittering Continues ] [ Growls ] Boy, the decontaminator, it's in the cabin. Get it! Sorry, Penny. Hold on, Penny. Hold on, Penny. All right? [ Penny Screams ] [ Groans ] Why'd you wanna go and do a fool thing like that for? Thank you for-- for-- [ Sobbing ] It's all right, honey. You go on and cry. It's good for you. And don't you laugh at her either, boy. - I'm all right now. - [ John ] Penny! Will! What is it? What happened? I guess I didn't decontaminate Travelin' Man as good as I should have. I-I fell into one of those things and Mr. Hapgood, he pulled me out of it. - [ Maureen ] He what? - Don't make a mountain out of a molehill, young lady. She's all right. Don, how much time I got left? Uh, six hours. John. You and Maureen better get the kids briefed for that long ride. That is if you're still willing to entrust 'em to me. They'll be ready anytime you are. We'll go back to the ship and get their gear. Come on. It's a real good thing you're doing, Hap. You can't be serious, Jimmy. Two noisy, whining children, always wanting a drink of water. No intelligent adult conversation. Why, you'll go quite mad before you reach Earth. Well, I'd be happy to take you along with me, Zach but this is the right thing I'm doing, and I'm gonna do it. But don't you see, Jimmy, you're making a serious mistake. You've simply got to listen to me. Of course, I've explained to your parents that I cannot be held entirely responsible for the transplant of that, uh, navigation equipment. Is something wrong with it? Oh, no. It's working perfectly now. But, uh, for how long? Who can tell? That's a chance we'll have to take, I guess. Yes, I'm afraid you will. Come in, dear. Although, I must say I cannot understand your parents' attitude. In fact, I'm a little shocked by it. - What do you mean? - Yes, what do you mean, Dr. Smith? Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it but children don't have to know how their parents feel about, uh an important decision. - And you can't ask them. - Why not? Think how badly they'd feel if you forced them to lie to you. Remember one thing-- before they say good-bye to you, perhaps for the last time your parents may weaken. The heartbreak may be too much for them. But you-- You must be strong. Pretend your very hardest that you don't see the tears in their eyes when they try to convince themselves that this parting is best for you. You mean, they don't want us to leave? I've said too much already. You needn't be afraid to tell us. It won't change anything. I should hope not. But, after all, they are your parents. I wouldn't blame the average child for refusing to go if he learned how happy his parents would be if he stayed. In fact, I think the average child would probably do something quite ridiculous-- run away and hide or something equally absurd-- just so he wouldn't have to go. But you and Penny are not average children, are you? Oh, no. Oh, no. - What time is it? - 1833 hours at the signal. [ Beeps ] Do you wish a reading broken down into microseconds? That won't be necessary. Hapgood should be leaving in less than half an hour. If my estimate is correct things should start to happen right about now. John? - I can't find the children. - Maybe they're over at Hapgood's ship. No, Don checked. - They're nowhere in the area. - Where can they be? Judy, call Jim. Tell him to hold up as long as he possibly can. John, they didn't really want to go. Maybe we should-- [ John ] They're going. If you could hold up just a little bit longer. Look, honey, if I delay past my launch time I may never get off of this piece of real estate. But, Mr. Hapgood, they're bound to find them. [ Hapgood ] I'm real sorry, but if I don't have passengers aboard in 20 minutes it's gonna have to be a solo flight. Sure will be nice getting back. Settle down a little, uh, launchpad of my own maybe. Up-to-date space jitney. I can run charter flights to the moon. Don't sound too exciting though, does it, Jimmy? Now, look out there now, Hapgood. You got the kids to think of-- Will and Penny. That was a promise. Yep, I'm gonna set down right alongside Alpha Control and hand 'em over. That's what I'm gonna do. - Oh, Penny! - I know you thought it was best for us but you really didn't want us to go, did you? [ Spaceship Engines Roar ] Hapgood! Hapgood! Hapgood, come back! Come back! You can't do this to me! Don't leave me here! Hapgood! Travelin' Man to Jupiter 2. Travelin' Man to Jupiter 2. This is Jupiter 2. Jim? This is Robinson. What's your position? I'm 22 minutes out, John. All systems are good and go. Do you have Will and Penny with you? - We found them. - [ Hapgood ] I knew you would. Look, I was all set to take them with me but they weren't too keen on going back to Earth. And that's the truth. Well, and, uh, neither was I, when you get right down to it. Well, we thought you were. Well, so did I. But I got to thinking it over. You know, John, I figured there ain't nothing down there I haven't seen or done twice. But out here I ain't hardly scratched the surface. - You still with me? - Right with ya. I sure wanna thank you for your hospitality. And if I get within hollerin' distance of Earth I'll sure tell 'em where you are. I know you folks have a hard time understanding a fella like me. And sometimes I do myself. But there's one thing I know-- That if I go back now I'm gonna be going back to be put out to pasture like an old racehorse that's done with living. And I got too much to do to be ready for that! [ Hapgood ] I hope Will and Penny aren't too disappointed in me. Well, I got to thinking that it wouldn't be right to separate them from their family. It's too *** all of us, I guess. It's getting a little busy out here, John. There's a nova coming in. [ Hapgood ] It's all purple and silver and gold. Whoo-whee! Look at it go, boy! I'm gonna get back to you later. Whoo-whee! - [ All Laughing ] - We're not through with living either. Ya-hoo! - [ All Laughing ] - Oh, whee. I've got the explosives. We'll be able to blast through now. - Will, get behind that rock. - Yes, sir. All right. Gimme a hand with the rig, Don. [ Coughs ] [ Beeping ] Daddy? - Cut the blasting switch! - I can't. It's already firing! Well, jerk the wires! Stay here!