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Hi, Taylor Swift, I just had the opportunity to hear your song "We are never
ever ever getting back together"
and it's a great song, very catchy, seems to have made you a lot of money
I was just thinking maybe there were a couple things that could make it better.
Like not calling it "We are never ever ever getting back together"
See, Taylor, you make a living off of
humiliating men who have wronged you and that is something that is precious and
you can only do that by calling them by name, so if it is true that that song is
about the great donnie darko jake gyllenhaal
it needs a new title!
for example
"Gyllenhaal your stuff out of my apartment, were on a break"
I also think that the permanence of the phrase "Never Ever Ever" is just a little bit much
because you're Taylor Swift
you're gonna have to go through a lot more breakups
with crappy people to continue having a career. Therefore you may have to recycle
and backslide a bit and that said, there's nothing wrong with that! It's
making you billions of dollars, and making you a weird idol to middle schoolers
everywhere. I encourage that,
however, I would suggest that maybe you don't make such a permanent song because
permanent breakup songs only lead to people getting back together.
Take for example Pink; she wrote that song "So What?" about ex-husband Carey
Hart, talked about drinking his money and uh, within a year they were married again
and pregnant. So, they have a kid and they're just happy as all get out. Also, you know,
Marshall Mathers, Eminem,
talked about like, killing his wife because he thought they were never ever
ever getting back together and they got remarried or something. Also,
the chances of you guys, you know, really meaning it when you say "never..."
You know who else said that?
The Confederate States of America
East and West Germany
Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton
To quote Jerry Seinfeld, "it's over" is when you
call the person up and you say "I don't love you anymore" and they say "I don't love you
anymore either" "Great, I'll see you in twenty! Let's grab a scone."
Is that what you're saying here? Because you seem to be telling him to talk to everybody
just to solidify that you're...
you're dumping him good. I really hope to hear, uh,
"Gyllenhaal Your Stuff Out Of My Apartment" on your next record, maybe the
delux edition?
I wish you all the best
and i know that because I'm a natural brunette, you probably haven't heard a word I've said, but
Sayonara.