Saved by the Bell S1E3 - English Transcript

( bell rings ) * When l wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning * * l don't think l'll ever make it on time * * By the time l grab my books and l give myself a look * * l'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by * * lt's all right * * 'Cause l'm saved by the bell * * lf the teacher pops a test l know l'm in a mess * * And my dog ate all my homework last night * * Ridin' low on my chair, she won't know that l'm there * * lf l can hand it in tomorrow it will be all right * * lt's all right * * 'Cause l'm saved by the bell * * lt's all right, 'cause l'm saved by the-- * * lt's all right, 'cause l'm saved by the-- * * lt's all right, 'cause l'm saved by the bell. * The three worst things that can happen to a kid, are measles, mumps, and midterms. l'd rather study measles and mumps. Our most dreaded midterm is given by a man, whose very name strikes fear in the heart of every student. ( shouting ) Terrible Testaverde! ( all scream ) Zack Morris, don't mention that man's name. Oh, you mean ( muffled ) Zack, l'm a nervous wreck. When l'm nervous l eat. Have a doughnut. No, l need them. She's a wreck? My streak is in danger. l have had straight ''A's'' ever since ''Sesame Street. '' You mean you were a ''Big Bird-brain''? Hey, everyone deals with pressure in his own way. All right, Morris. Hey, you ready for today's bet? You've lost three in a row. l'll get you this time, Slater. How about my sunglasses against your Swiss Army knife? Okay, the game's the same. Here's your ammo. - l found us a new target. - Prepare to lose. - Ready? - Uh-huh. Go! - Screech? - Hi, Zack. Yes, l win again. Here's your five bucks, Screech. - Good job. - Thanks, Slater. Why were you the target? l couldn't throw at a friend, you pinhead. He's got your sunglasses, l've got five bucks, and you've got diddly. Sounds you're the ''pinhead,'' pinhead. Hey, you can't just win and walk. Let's make a real bet, with real stakes. Hey well, you know Zack, l could use your ham radio. There's that gymnast l left behind in Germany. She really flipped over me. Enough. lt's a bet. lt's my radio against your bomber jacket. You're on. l bet you that the next person to come down those stairs will be Kelly Kapowski. You're going to lose this one. l'm an expert on Kelly's schedule, and right now she's walking into the gym for volleyball practice and she wouldn't miss practice for the world. Hi, guys. Anybody seen my sneakers? l can't find them anywhere. Oh-- you mean these? You must have left them in my locker by mistake. But why would? Oh, never mind. l'm late for practice. - That's not fair. - No, but it's smart. You can deliver my radio tomorrow morning. You know, l really find him lacking as a person. and so my friends, l'm pulling the plug on my radio. l have to go into hiding again. Now this is Elvis Presley signing off. ''Don't be cruel. '' - Okay, Screech! Disconnect! - Okay! ( thunder rumbling ) Hurry up! lt sounds like it's going to pour out there! - l'll be done in a-- - ( thunder crashing ) ( screams ) Argh! Screech! Are you okay? Screech! Answer me! Screech--! Screech! Are you alive? ( blandly ) What's for dinner, Mom? Look, you better sit down. l think you were hit by lightning. Fish would be fine. Can we have pudding for dessert? Where are you going, Screech? Home to study for Testaverde's midterm. - Answer the phone. - Screech, the phone's not-- - ( telephone rings ) - ( door closes ) - So how do you feel? - Oh, better than usual. Zack, l think we better get out of here right now. Sorry, kid. lt slipped. Are you okay? Yeah, l'm all right. Thanks to him. Hey, Screech. How'd you know that light was going to fall? l'm not sure. Ever since that lighting hit me last night, l've been getting these pictures in my head. - What kind of pictures? - All kinds. Real clear ones. Right now, l'm getting a tennis racket. A tennis racket? What do you mean, a tennis rack-- Tell me, buddy. What other pictures do you see? l see nerds. - lt's my pocket protector. - No, it's mine. You give it back or l'll tell. This is the most incredible thing that's ever happened! More incredible than the ''Brady Bunch'' reunion? Yes! You've been given a gift-- the power to see the future. l knew you were going to say that. As your best friend, l've got warn you, there are people out there who'd take advantage of you. For your sake, l think we should keep this gift between you and me. - Agreed? - Thanks for protecting me, Zack. l've got the geek that laid the golden egg. l knew you were going to say that, too. Your American History midterm will be Thursday at 10:00 AM. lt will consist of three essay questions. l thought we'd spend this last session before the exam reviewing the material from which those questions will be drawn. As usual, we have a lot to cover. So if you pay careful attention, you'll have nothing to worry about. Everybody ready? ( speaking very rapidly ) We'll begin with British actions between 1763 and 1775 that led to discontent among the Colonists-- the first was the Proclamation of 1763 forbidding settlement in all lands west of the Appalachians followed by the Quartering Act of 17 65 forcing Colonists to house and feed British troops, followed by the Stamp Act in 17 65 ordering Colonists to buy stamps from the British, followed by more taxes in 17 67 on glass, paint, paper and tea leading to colonists rioting throwing snowballs at soldiers shouting, ''Lobster!'' ''Bloody-back!'' ''Coward!'' Leading to the Boston Massacre leaving three Colonists lying dead. That brings us to 1773 and the Tea Act saying only the British could bring tea into the Colonies and only the British East lndia Company could sell it, leading to Sons of Liberty dressing like what used to be called lndians now known as Native Americans stealing aboard a British ship dumping cargo into Boston Harbor in an event known as the ''Boston Tea Party,'' without sugar, lemon or cream. Americans won the Battle of King's Mountain and the Battle of Cowpens, forcing Cornwallis to march north to Virginia to be met by Patriots in North Carolina. He suffered losses and retreated to Yorktown, leading to Washington's fake attack on New York followed by a swift move to block Cornwallis' escape by land, forcing Cornwallis to surrender at Yorktown on October 1 9th 17 81 while the British band played ''The World Turned Upside Down'' and the American band played ''Yankee Doodle''! - Any questions? - ( school bell ringing ) Good luck. See you Thursday. l cannot run track today. l have so much food in me, you could put a quarter in my mouth and a bag of Doritos would come popping out. Lisa, you have got to stop doing this to yourself. That's easy for you to say. Nothing bothers you. Oh yeah? Lots of things bother me. l just don't let them drive me bananas. You have one? Lisa, come on. lf you keep obsessing about your grades you know what you're going to end up like? You know, you guys, l just remembered-- there was one time that l did not get an ''A. '' l was in the fourth grade. Mr. Simmons had a nervous breakdown and gave the class ''L's'' and ''Q's. '' Why is getting an ''A'' so important to you? lt's not important-- all right it is. l know it shouldn't be but l can't help myself. lt's my whole identity. - What are you talking about? - Will you stop hollering at me? Look, everyone's got to be something, right? She's the fashionable one. You're the popular one. Who am l? The wacko one. You know Kelly, you remind me a lot of my cousin Denise. She never worried. She was always on honor roll. - Until she had Testaverde. - What happened to her? She flunked history, and had to go to summer school which was also taught by Testaverde. She got left back, dropped out, today she teaches English to foreign parrots. You see? She makes good sense. You guys might be right. l think we should cut gym and hit the books. This test is gonna be no piece of cake. Cake? Who has cake? Okay Screech. Slater will be here in a minute to pick this up. Actually, 7 1/2 seconds. Now you remember all the signals we rehearsed? - Yep. - Okay. All right, Morris. lt's time to pay the piper. Hey, l see you got my radio. l got it. But what's the rush? How about another bet? You never learn, do you, sucker? What are you going to lose now, your TV set? l don't know. For some reason l kind of feel lucky today. How about my TV and stereo for this radio and your jacket? You're on, ''Preppie. '' ( German man on radio ) This is Hans. Ver ist you, Elvis? What'd you say? Nein-- l mean, nothing. So call it. What's the bet? Okay, the bet is who's coming down those steps next. - You're on. - l guess a blonde in tight jeans. And l say a band member. Very good, Zack. How'd you do that? ( bangs ) Screech, your mother told me about lightning hitting you. l just want to make sure you're doing all right. - Tell me-- - 8:30 last night. When exactly were you struck by lightning? - 8:30? - Yeah. - Are there any - One. side-effects? Did you say one? Yeah, but it's a secret. l'm not supposed to tell anyone - l can see the future. - See the future? - Screech, that's-- - Preposterous? - Right. - Can she come in? ( knocking ) Mr. Wilson wants to know if you can move your lunch to 1 :00. He can't, he has a dentist appointment. Make it Tuesday. Now where was l? You were about to say no one has the power to see the future. Right! Screech, no one has the power to see the future. - Oops! l'll pick them up. - Pick what up? Uh, Screech, l'm just curious. My mother-in-law is staying with us indefinitely. Now, by any chance can you tell me--? - She'll be gone by Tuesday. - All right! Saturday, the track opens at noon and the first race is at 1 :00? Okay, thanks. Bye. Here put this in my gym bag. Come on, Screech. l can't wait forever. Tell me now. Tell you what? The three questions on Testaverde's midterm. Discuss the four steps taken by the first Continental Congress; the three parts of the Declaration of lndependence; and the Battle of Saratoga as the turning point of the war. That's my man! Now for the kill! Okay, Slater, it's the bet of the year: the loser has to be a slave for a week, and do anything the winner wants. Up to it? What are we betting on? l bet you that l'm going to ace Testaverde's midterm tomorrow. Zack, Testaverde couldn't ace Testaverde's midterm. We got a bet, Preppie. Excuse me, but l got to go home and start making a slave list. - You wish, Slater. - Hey, starting tomorrow, it's going to be ''Master Slater. '' Zack, how can you be so confident? Why not? Testaverde told us what to review. - But he talks so fast. - Oh really? l didn't notice. lt's too bad you don't want to study with me, but hey, failing miserably is no disgrace. Well, maybe l've changed my mind. - 7:30, my house? - Okay. Zack, can you turn on another light? l can hardly see the book. And that music is so mellow, it's distracting. Hey Kelly, l read that ''tension is the enemy of learning. '' - Really? - Sure. Try this: sit back, close your eyes, and relax your body. - Okay, let's get back to-- - You're not relaxed enough! Look, l suggest some stress-releasing activity. Like what? - ( music volume rises ) - Come on. Zack we're preparing for a midterm, not a prom. Kelly, relax. You think l want to be Slater's slave? We're going to ace this midterm. Trust me. Okay. Are you sure? Jessie: That's what l want to know. What are you doing here? Zack, you said you knew all the questions. l couldn't keep it from my best friends. ( music stops ) Zack! You're an angel. l've lost two pounds since l heard the news. Where's the lightning when you really need it? Zack, how can you be so sure what's on Testaverde's midterm? Hey, come on. l can just see it. Like Richard Dreyfuss in ''Close Encounters. '' Oh, you mean some weird-looking creature told you? Kind of. You do believe him, don't you, Jessie? Maybe l do. Because l know Zack, and he wouldn't lie to Kelly. Would you, Zack? - No l wouldn't. - Because if Kelly found out this was an excuse to get her alone with you, she'd kill you, wouldn't you, Kelly? - Yes l would! - Hey, everyone-- take it easy. Just study the First Continental Congress, the Declaration of lndependence, and the Battle of Saratoga, okay? - What about everything else? - Don't waste your time. Now if you'll leave me alone, l have to prepare to get my ''A. '' - Zack! We've got to talk. - Screech, l'm studying. That's just it. Now l see different questions on Testaverde's midterm. What do you mean? Now l see the Committees of Correspondence and the Battle of Trenton. No wait, it's ''The Battle of The Network Stars. '' l see Patrick Henry-- no it's Patrick Swayze-- dirty dancing across the Delaware with Martha Washington. l see Paul Revere on a bus-- Zack, did you know that Lincoln freed the Japanese? l think l've lost it. Come on, don't jump to conclusions. Hey, you knew l was going to say that, didn't you? All right, call it in the air. Heads! Two out of three. Tails! l'm history unless l come up with a plan. Zack, we could get in real trouble for this. Screech, just flush the toilets. lt's ringing. Ready with the buckets! Hello, Mr. Testaverde? Well, this is Mr. Belding. What? What? You can hardly hear me? Well, that's because of all the chaos around here. The pipes broke this morning and we're up to our knees in water! ( yelling ) l can't stop the water, Joe! The water's rising, Tom. Help! Yes we're postponing all midterms until we've got this mess under control. So don't bother coming in today, all right? All right! Okay, cut out the noise. Whew! Zack, are you sure this is going to work? Screech, in confusion, there's victory. Now, Belding should be entering his office just about now. He sits down, hears the phone ring, and-- ( speaking rapidly ) Hello, Mr. Belding? This is Mr. Testaverde. What's wrong with me? You can hear what's wrong with me. Laryngitis, a horrible cough - and postnasal drip! - ( banging ) That was the doorbell. The delivery boy's here with my medicine. l'm too sick to come in. lf l give you my three questions, will you administer it for me? Thanks. Here's the questions Thanks for helping me, Zack. l feel so good about this test. Me too. l hope. Zack, if you're wrong, l'm going to need a jumbo barf bag. A list of slave chores, Morris. And that's just for the first day. Housebreak your Doberman? lf l don't get an ''A'' on this test, l will train my dog to think you're a tree, okay? ( school bell rings ) Morning, class. - What's he doing here? - l have no idea. Mr. Testaverde's ill, so l'm going to administer his midterm. Now the exam consists of three essay questions: l'll read them aloud, so listen carefully and copy them down. Number one: Discuss the four steps taken by the Continental Congress. Number two: Discuss the three parts of the Declaration of lndependence. Number three: Discuss the Battle of Saratoga as the turning point in the war. Good luck, everyone. - You're terrific, Zack. - Hey, l was right all along. Richard! Belding: George, what are you doing here? My loyalty to school wouldn't let me stay home in time of crisis. Besides, plumbing's my hobby. Where's the flood? What flood? And what happened to your laryngitis? Laryngitis? l don't have laryngitis. What's going on here? Well, l'm giving your midterm. Those are not the questions to my midterm. These are the questions you called me with. - You called me! - George, you called me. - Richard you called me. - No, George. You called me. Wait a minute-- you called me George. You always call me George. The person who phoned me called me ''Mr. Testaverde. '' And the person who phoned me called me ''Mr. Belding. '' But what kind of devious creature would make two fake phone calls? ( phone ringing ) Zack can't come to the phone right now. He's on the way to pick up his season tickets to detention. lf you'd like to leave a message, please wait for the beep. Beep. Now for the real questions. ( rapidly ) Number one: List and discuss the lntolerable Acts of 177 4. Number two: Describe four steps taken by the Second Continental Congress. Number three: Discuss two strengths and three weaknesses of the Articles of Confederation. Hey all right! He posted the grades. - ''C-. '' - Not bad. Congratulations. l am a forgiving person, Zack. But this is going to take a very long time. A ''D+''? l'm going to be sick. Lisa, what is that funny-looking letter next to my name? lt's a ''Q,'' Jessie. No, really. l can take it. Whatever l got, l deserved. For the first time in my life l took the easy way out. l'm prepared to face the consequences. lt's a ''B,'' Jessie. Oh, gosh, we better take her to the nurse. - Zack, l got an ''A''! - Screech, how'd you do that? l was seeing so many different pictures, l just stayed up all night and went over everything. Oh, you cheated-- you studied. And now we come to Zack Morris: ( bangs ) ''F-'', for scamming. Well, Zack, l'd say you lost the bet there, ''slave. '' You can give me back my jacket, use your cellular phone to order me a pizza, and then start get to work on this list. Yes, hello. l'd like to order a large pizza with mushrooms, anchovies and the hottest peppers you can find. ( instrumental theme music plays )