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-Do not try to adjust the picture.
-A new form of television is here.
-Back from the liquor store
Dressed up like a ho
Dancing real sexy
Lots of drunk texting
Alone on a Friday night
No boyfriend tonight
We got into a fight
Now baby, I just wanna drink
Maybe smoke some weed
Start talking to my cat
Get naked on iChat
'Cause baby I don't care
Watching romantic movies
Piercing my own ***
Who's that ***
I'm that ***
Inviting in a hobo
Doing our hair and nails
Who's that ***
I'm that ***
Oh, I don't care tonight
I'ma find a new guy
Someone who isn't hung like a toddler
My head is hurting
I think I'm gonna go to bed
Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh
I'm tired of acting crazy
Just 'cause I hate you, baby
Who's that ***
I'm that ***
Just call me Helen Keller
'Cause I ain't gonna ever
See you again
Stupid ***
-So as you can tell, people deal with breaking up in all different kinds of ways.
Which brings us to the topic of the day, which is...
breaking up.
Now, we've all been through it.
Some people deal with it bad,
and some, like me, deal with it fine.
Why, God? Why?
-Are you serious?
Have you seen yourself?
-What?
Okay, I'm lying.
No matter who you are or how strong you are,
breaking up can be scary.
Almost as scary as Japanese ***.
-Yo man, guess what I brought?
Crazy-*** *** from Japan.
-Oh, God.
Is this the kind where naked women vomit on each other's ***
and eat *** out of a cup?
-No. Why, you got some of that?
-No.
-All right man, put this in.
I'm gonna get us some ice cream.
What you want, cookie dough?
-Wait, you want to watch this with me?
Dude, isn't that kind of gay?
-Pssh, naw, man.
You know what would be gay though?
If we put on furry handcuffs and edible man-***.
-Yes, it would.
-All right man, I'll be right back.
And yo, you better not start without me.
-I won't.
-All right man, I hope you like Cool Whip.
[horrific music playing]
Man, I told you not to start without me.
Damn!
And get your wet *** back in the TV, ***.
I ain't ready for you yet.
-Yes, Deezy.
-[sighs] All right.
Now let's get this *** started.
-Yeah, scary.
But as scary as it is, it's a part of life and you learn from each one.
So here's my question to you.
What's your status,
are you in a relationship, are you single,
are you not even wanting to think about it?
And part two of the question is how do you deal with a break-up?
Do you write creepy threatening letters, do you burn their clothes,
do you change your Myspace status to,
"I don't need a man to make me happy, angry face."
Leave me a video response or a comment letting me know
and I'll be randomly picking a few of you guys to win a T-shirt.
All right you guys, I'm gonna go.
Have a good week, I love you, see you next Saturday,
unless of course, you're breaking up with me, then I guess we'll never seen each other again.
You've moved on; now you're in a relationship with Fred.
It's okay, I understand.
I heard his *** is way bigger than mine.
I wish you two the best of luck.
And if you decided to stay with me, even with my small ***,
I love you, bye.
Captioned by SpongeSebastian