Save The Supers - Issue #3 - The super force vs. cat - Astrophe

-Previously, on Save the Supers, the Super Force has a terrible budget crisis. Someone had to be laid off. Morph Man was fired because he got drunk on the job. How will the team recover from the loss of their friend? Find out now. NIGHT KNIGHT: We just [CLINK] declawed crime today. Because we captured Panthera. Things are looking up. [BUMPING] My chair just malfunctioned. [THEME MUSIC] GENERAL (OFFSCREEN): Listen up, Super Force. Thanks to the Team Revengers' recent glut of super villain captures, the drift is overcrowded. So you will be keeping Panthera, the most wanted [INAUDIBLE] cat-burgling escape artist since Ru Paul on site, assuming, of course you can handle that. MERMAN: Absolutley. We'll set up a 24-hour-- GENERAL: Underwood out. MERMAN: Surveillance, which we will distribute among us equally. WORLD MAN: Oh. That's not fair. I should do less. MERMAN: Well, why don't you take the bust of Nefertiti back to the museum she stole it from. NIGHT KNIGHT: You mean this one? MERMAN: No, no, no, no! [SMASHING] ELEMENTRA: What are you doing? NIGHT KNIGHT: It's a fake. NIGHT KNIGHT: Panthera is infamous for replacing artifacts with incredibly realistic replicas made out of cardboard, brilliantly named-- ELEMENTRA: Dupli-cats? Really? Why do criminally insane super villains love puns? NIGHT KNIGHT: Dupli-cats. [SNORT] Scrumptious word play. [DOOR SLAMMING] ELEMENTRA: Merm, seriously, can I get a new chair? Mine's basically duct tape and lady dander at this point. MERMAN: OK, uh, we all get new chairs. FLEET FOOT: Yes. MERMAN: Instead of health benefits. [SIGH] Yeah, that's how budgets work. MERMAN: El, I think it's your shift. ELEMENTRA: Fine. FLEET FOOT: Uh, Merman, feast your super eyes on these at replies. I twitpicked the Nefertiti duplicat before Night broke it, and look how many offers we've gotten. MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Apparently, people will pay real money for fake art. MERMAN : Well, what's the best offer? FLEET FOOT: Well there's this one from @Panthlover for two grand. And she mostly tweets life affirmations, so you know she's serious. MERMAN: Hm. [SOUND] [MEOWING] PANTHERA: How long must I be in this purr-gatory? Is it purr-manent? ELEMENTRA: Please stop. [BEEP] ELEMENTRA: Oh. [DOOR CLANGING] PANTHERA: Look at what the cat dragged in. ELEMENTRA: Awful, just awful. MERMAN: Panthera, we were wondering if you could fix this for us? PANTHERA: For a tasty fish like you, I could. But what's in it for me? Yeow. ELEMENTRA: Oh, you gotta be kidding me. FLEET FOOT: We could be character witnesses at your sentencing. We did the same thing for OJ. MERMAN: Uh, he means OctoJack, the eight armed car thief. He was stealing cars for his family, so we stuck up form him and reduced his sentence by half. FLEET FOOT: He got away with ***. MERMAN: In a manner of speaking. PANTHERA: Scratch each other's back, say? You're one black cat I'd let cross my path. [PURRING] FLEET FOOT: Ha ha. MERMAN: Those are lethal. FLEET FOOT: Oh, that's not nice. MERMAN: Give this to you. And just put that. [MUSIC] [CARNIVAL MUSIC] [MUSIC] FLEET FOOT: Hey, Mer, have you slept? If I were an airline I'd have to charge you for those bags under your eyes. Heh. heh. In this scenario I'm not Southwest. MERMAN: Hey, let me ask you this. When was the last time you saw an Assyrian winged bull with five legs? FLEET FOOT: Kids, did you do that? KID 1: It was Jaden's fault. KID 2: Sorry Daddy. Sorry Mr. Merman. FLEET FOOT: Hmmmm who can be mad at you? MERMAN: They're so precious. I can't take it. FLEET FOOT: They're so cute. MERMAN: Here's the situation. We're heading out to stop the Chiseler from carving his face onto Mt. Rushmore. And before I get back, I need it fixed. You feel me? FLEET FOOT: All right, well let's go. Speed up. MERMAN: Speed down. You're staying here. OK? We've already got super speed covered. World Man's got it. Bye kids. I'll get you some water. OK. [SUPERHERO SOUND] MERMAN: OK, Duh, jeez. NIGHT KNIGHT: Sweatshop much? MERMAN: I don't know what you're talking about? OK, I mean she likes making things. The kids are having fun. And we get new office supplies. I mean it's win, win, win, win, win. NIGHT KNIGHT: Stop playing dumb. The necklaces, the fancy clothes, the watches, the Swatches, This ends now. MERMAN: Does it? Ha, I've almost balanced the budget. We might even have room for your superbaby. NIGHT KNIGHT: Not like this. Not like this. KID 2: Good night, Mr. Merman. KID 1: My hands are bleeding. FLEET FOOT: Don't tell your mommy. MERMAN: OK, Good night kids. Maybe you're right. Yeah, I, I can see at night, so-- NIGHT KNIGHT: It's not me. [SWOOSH] WORLD MAN: Upgrading again? Everything we're doing is right. MERMAN: No, World, we're ending it. ELEMENTRA: Uh, I lost all my receipts. MERMAN: Well, I'm going to return all the office supplies. And I'm going to shut down the eBay page. WORLD MAN: But, but the bidding of my World Man enhanced statue of David is up to $7,000. You see, I enlarged-- MERMAN: Whoa, something's wrong. [OMINOUS MUSIC] This is cardboard. Who's watching Panthera? It's your shift World Man. WORLD MAN: ***. I was going to say *** before. Anyway, you're watching her. I just saw you. [BEEP] WORLD MAN: See, there you are. ELEMENTRA: Were you born an idiot? Or is this because of our yellow sun? MERMAN: Panthera? Panthera? Oh. OK, OK. She couldn't have gone far. Unless. [CARDBOARD CRACKING] WORLD MAN: Hu! Nooo! [THEME MUSIC] FLEET FOOT: That's gross. NARRATOR: Next time on Save the Supers, the Super Force assemble at a high school assembly. And nothing goes horribly wrong. Except one thing. Everything. Everything is the one thing that goes horribly wrong. Next week on Save the Supers. [ELECTRONIC SOUNDS] NARRATOR 2: Ew, that robot just barfed.