Literal Drug Commercial

Man: At first, I was sitting in an empty room, filmed in black-and-white. I had a sullen look on my face, indicating I was suffering from some kind of debilitating illness. Woman: And then an actress portraying his wife stepped up behind him, and explained that the problem was only getting worse, and that he needed to take action. Man: But how? Woman: You should talk to your doctor about Drug. Man: Drug? Woman: Yes, Drug. The legit-sounding medical breakthrough that just got FDA approved last week, thanks to intense pressure from pharmaceutical lobbyists. Man: So I talked to an actor, dressed as a doctor, in what clearly wasn't a doctor's office, and he recommended I start taking Drug immediately. Then, the camera panned up and slowly faded to white. Woman: Now we're being filmed in color and everything's great. Man: That's right. We're not allowed to say that Drug is gonna solve all your problems, but by showing us running around acting like children, taking in the sights, and enjoying a delicious ice cream cone, the drug manufacturers can imply that their product has clearly changed out lives. This is the part of the commercial where we tell you all the side effects associated with Drug. It's important we get through this list as quickly as possible, so you don't remember any of the truly dangerous problems that we mention. Woman: Problems like liver failure, suicidal thoughts... Man: Bowel delocation and heart stoppage... Woman: As well as sudden bouts of cannibalism. But don't you worry about that... Man: Because now we're surrounded by adorable kittens! Talk to your doctor about Drug today!