Wonderland S1E13 - English Transcript

I think I want a divorce. Is that what we're doing, Maggie? How is it possible your father is getting worse at looking after himself the longer we're apart? I just don't want to ever see the guy again, OK? I don't want him in our world. I want us to start over. Isn't that what we're doing? No, I mean, renew our vows. What are you doing? I remember when you guys used to bet on everything. Thank God that you grew up to be this honourable guy that has principles and ideals. Hang on, even if there wasn't a bet, Miranda if off limits. I know. Of course. I know that. I really think that you should tell Miranda about this bet. What's the point of that? You don't think she's gonna feel she's been the butt of some joke when it comes out? We'll talk properly next week. Maybe you shouldn't come down again so soon. Excuse me. Did you just break up with Adam on group message? No. "Don't come down this weekend. I said I need space. " Yeah, I'm all for being direct, but this is a little harsh. It wasn't a group text. Oh, my God. I thought this was a text from Adam to me. Uh I'll message him and tell him I'm sorry. Ooh, it's from Adam. Yeah, I can see that. "Thanks for doing this so publicly. "Take all the space you need. Permanently. " Is he is he serious? Did he just break up with me on group text? So that's it? You and Adam? It's over? - Hey. - Hey. Secret women's business going on in our flat. I'll get dressed up here later, hey? What time are you thinking? I don't know. This arvo. I'll give you a text when I'm on the way. Hey, um, is there anything else you want me to do for you? Nah, sweet. Sweet? Unless you want to squeal and paint my nails? Nah, I think I'll pass. Builder. G'day, mate. What's the problem? See you about 3-ish. When you say "cut through the wires", do you mean the housing or the actual wires? Mate, I don't think there's any way I can make it this morning. I reckon it'd be best if I just I'll just get another sparky over there to sort you out. Righto. See ya. They're not wanting you to work today, are they? Ah, it's all gone to *** on site. Don't worry. I said no can do. So you can take the final payment to the caterer? Sorry I ran out of time yesterday. Good ***, a cruise, a vow renews. What more do you want? Suntan. Done. Your phone's been beeping all morning. It's probably just the DJ. Hey, since you're going to the bottle shop, why don't you pick up a bottle of French for tonight? You want a bit of *** sex, huh? I almost forgot the most important thing that's still yet to happen. What? Huh! Mwah! Now that you mention it, I think I forgot something, too. See ya. Bye. How are you going to fit in a photoshoot? If you turn down work, you don't get called next time. Uh-huh. You're nuts. Location's 20 kilometres away. I'll be a couple of hours. And I'll be back in plenty of time. OK. Maybe I should call Adam and tell him I'm sorry. No, 'cause then I'll end up grovelling, and I'll get back with him out of pity. Well, do you want to get back with him? What I want is is space. So don't call him. I just I need to work out whether we're meant to be together. If you have to ask yourself the question, I think you already know the answer. Oh, my God. You are kidding me. What? The rental car place, they've pulled the job because we're using the car for an ad. They're gonna *** me. I'm gonna get fired. Well, you better start calling round the other rental companies, then. Everyone gets married on a Saturday, our friends included. Anything vaguely like a vintage car is gonna be booked. Please don't tease me with those if you don't mean it. You need a vehicle. I need a tank of fuel. Bad luck for Adam, huh? Did you get the group text? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think that he was right for Miranda. No-one deserves to get dumped like that, not before such a happy day. You're a romantic. I love you. She is so gonna regret this break-up. He's a decent bloke. She is making a huge mistake. Well, not if he's not the right guy for her. Well, if he's not the right guy, then Hey! Hey, guys. Hey! Oh, you are kidding me. Steve. She was desperate. I did her a favour. Oh, come on. What? Is there a law against helping out a flatmate? How about the times I've asked to borrow your car. You've never asked to borrow my car. Exactly, because you never lend it to anyone. You wanna know the one thing that really gives you away? You and I both know Miranda is a terrible driver. Oh. So I guess that makes me a really, REALLY nice guy, then. Right. Yeah. I'm sure that's all it is. Oh, whatever. She was in a jam, I helped her out. That's it. Now, do you mind? Oh, he's so full of it! As if he's going to lend the car just to be a "nice guy". Oh, yeah, but can you imagine Tom giving over those car keys? I mean, can you imagine? Oi. Let's not get him any more worked up than he already is. And, you, go have a shower, calm down a bit. Mm. Hilarious, Grace. Hilarious! OK, which one? Oh, what? Only two new outfits to choose from this time? Actually, there are three, but my husband does not need to know that. Oh, I love this. Love, love, love. Stop. What, you don't like it? I fell in love with it the second I saw it. What is it with you people and that word? Carlos said "I love you" this morning. And, let me guess, you didn't say it back? I just sat there and there was a little voice inside my head saying, "If you hold very still and you're very quiet, "then maybe this moment won't be happening. " Don't look at me like that. You freaked out. He took me by surprise. Oh, a spontaneous declaration of his feelings. My God, that's guy's a jerk. I can't say it back. Yes, you can. Are you telling me to lie? No, I'm saying you should get real. If all this angsting doesn't prove how you really feel about the guy, then I don't know what does. I'm fond of Carlos, that doesn't mean that we need to start throwing the L word around. Tom is not the only one around here full of crap. Shut up. Oh, what's that? You can kiss the bride? Don't mind if I do! Whoo. Oh, no. I'm not texting, I'm just reading. The phone is in your hand. That's all that matters. I'm putting it down now. See, it's down. Pull over on the right. No, no, no. I promise I won't do it again. Pull over on the right. I can't be late. Oh, my God! Hey. Where have you been? Getting these for Dani and Grace. Just as a thankyou for everything they've been doing. Thought you were going upstairs to help Dani. I'm going to do that now after I've had a shower. What's wrong? You're not nervous, are you? Maybe. You don't want to change your mind? You're like an antsy bride. I'll be in the shower. I don't think we're gonna need all of this on top of the champagne. It's a wedding. Mate, when it's free, they drink twice as much. There's the voice of experience. At our wedding, they guzzled two bottles of wine a head. Your family, not mine. Your mother was completely paralytic. She touched up the minister. She pulled on his liturgical stole. Is that what you call it? OK, OK, you guys have got to stay nice today because you're both my role models. Your father's not coming. What? You're not Mum's plus 1? I've got a lot on the go. I didn't think I'd make it down for the weekend so I said no. Translated - he'd rather slide down a barbed-wire banister than sit next to me at a wedding. That's not true. I like weddings. I provided the wine, didn't I? Yeah. Mum, good job. Uh-uh-uh! You are not allowed anywhere near that cake. Oh. That needs a nice topper. A little bride and groom, I think. Feel like going down to the shops for me? Sure, as long as it's within walking distance, 'cause Miranda's got my car. I knew you had the hots for her. So the next time I ask to borrow your car, you'll let me drive it? You've just got your licence back, and I've seen the way you try and reverse park. Look, do you want your cheesy bride and groom or not? You know, for a minute there, I thought you might be in mortal danger of truly caring more about someone than a stupid bet. Does anyone want to tell me what you're talking about? Yes, yes. No. No! We're talking about the napkin treaty. You went to see him? When did this start up again? Since he nearly got fired and he blamed Rob for getting him kicked off the coffee cart project. Ooh, I think the black one. Yeah, OK. Wait, wait. So what did he want? He's lost the plot. He started texting me. He wants Rob to call his boss and sort things out. And he found out about our vows today and was going to turn up. Is he insane? A little. A bruised ego, I guess. And he's really angry about Wait, are you sure about the black? I mean, it's a wedding. Black's fine. But I like the other one, too, so you decide. Anyway, I had to do something to stop him. You need to tell Rob. No. Not yet. Not today. I want today to be a happy day. Every time I mention his name, Rob has a complete meltdown. I'm afraid he'll do something stupid, like Club him to death? You're right. We should get our priorities in order. Let's focus on your fashion. Mm. I like the flowers. Decision made. Black it is. Crisis averted. See you guys soon. Bye. Should I have texted Adam back? Why? I don't know. Just to let him know I'm sorry things didn't work out. Go for it if you want. Would it really be that bad if Tom and Miranda got together? She's got the rest of the planet to choose from. She can have anyone but Tom. Because he's your one true love? I'm serious, if they get together and he breaks her heart, which he will, I don't want to have to break up with my best mate. I'm not doing that. Ah, you see that. She needs me to look out for her. Yeah, I stopped listening to you a while back. Is everything OK? Ah. Shut up. You are truly hopeless. Don't give me a hard time. Who's your friend? When are you heading to Tom's? I'm going now. See you there. Oh, thank God! Why is ironing so counterintuitive? Whatever that means. It's counterintuitive. It's against every natural instinct. I mean, I'm ironing more wrinkles in than out. I love you. Ai, your dress. Ah! So, you've got this little thing in your dashboard which tells you exactly how much fuel you've got left. Yeah, OK, I have had the day from hell. I have been feeling sick about Adam. I got a ticket. I ran over a cop. Excuse me? Ran over a cop? Yeah, I got off, though, with a fine. Anyway, that doesn't matter. The problem is, do you know where I can find a bumper bar for a 1964 Ford Falcon in two hours? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Tom keeps texting me asking where I am. But when he sees this, he's never going to want to speak to me again. Yeah. No, he probably won't. He probably won't. Keys. Here, take mine. She's not here, she's gone to get a bride and groom for the cake. Hey? What? I already got her one of those. Look at that. Apparently that couple aren't happy enough. What's with the big hanky? Oh, that's the, um That's the napkin treaty. That's bloody wonderful. Mm. Yep. Hilarious. Now, look, napkin and car aside, the major problem is she's Steve's sister. And? I made him a promise. And when you promise your best mate, you gotta respect that, right? Mm. What's this? Mm? It's not a, you know, simple straight-out yes. What about Steve's respect for Miranda? Well, he's just looking out for her. Alright. Put yourself in Steve's shoes, right. You got a sister and your best mate wants to take her out. Whose decision is it? Yours or hers? Well, it's not mine, is it? And it's not Steve's. So you think I should tell her? That's up to you. Coming. Hey. Hey. I need to talk to Steve. Uh, he's not here. He's gone to rescue Miranda. Don't worry. Your car is fine. Rescue? What do you mean? Is she alright? Yeah, she's fine. Steve's with her. But, look, this wedding is in two hours. Wait, wait - usually when you say the word 'rescue', it implies there's something to be rescued from. Is she she OK? Tom, what are you doing with that? How long is he going to be? A while, and this may come as a shock, but 'gorgeous' doesn't happen by itself. And when I say that, I mean you, not me. So go and get ready. We will talk about that later. Go. Alright. It's like a bad road trip. Yeah, with a damaged car that isn't yours and a wedding that starts in how long? Do you think we're gonna make it? Well, if we get out of here fast enough, we'll have about oh, 15 minutes to get changed and down to the dock before the boat leaves. Yeah, we can do that. It's suddenly blindingly clear to me why you're never on time. It's an endearing quality and it's why you love me. Hmm. Not really. No. It annoys the hell out me. Oh, my God, Tom! Uh, what do I say? Um, how does this sound? "Sorry, just got your messages. All good. Bad reception here. " Is that OK? What does it matter? It's Tom. Do you think I should add a kiss? OK what is going on between you guys? Why? Did Tom say something? Oh, ***. OK, so I like him. - So what? - All done! Car's ready. Let's go. Where the hell are you? G'day, you've called Rob. Leave a message. You told her? I can't talk about that. She said no? Who told what? Who said no? I haven't told her. I can't find her. I can't find the groom. I don't know where he is. And now Steve's missing too because he's off helping Miranda with some kind of disaster. What disaster? I don't know what it is. Obviously, it was a huge mistake loaning Miranda my car. We've got to be at the boat by 4:00. I don't know where Rob and Steve are. I've texted all of them. No-one's texted me back! Have you tried calling them? It's rude to call. It's rude to text. Mum! I'm sorry. Here I was thinking it was an emergency. Ask Colette. She'll know where Rob is. But if she doesn't, it'll stress her out. If you won't call, I'm out of suggestions. Are you just creating havoc so you don't have to deal with the Steve-Miranda thing? Thanks a lot, it's really helpful. Focus, people. We need to find Rob! Where does a groom go on the day of his wedding? Where did you go, Warwick? I was waylaid. Oh, you guys are no help. Oh! Acting dumb. Oh. Oh, yes, that is stunning! I only hope my husband thinks so. Hmm! So what is the deal with Miranda? Is she going to make being late to weddings her thing? No. She and Steve are on the way. I'll send them a text, see how far away they are. What about Carlos? Is he just gonna meet us at the wharf? Um yes. Mm-hm. But I don't know. I should've asked him before he left. I was too busy pretending to be busy. What happened? He said it again. "I love you"? Ooh, the L word. How'd you cope with that? No, she's not coping. And pretending that you have a hearing problem is a short-term solution. So how did you get out of that situation? I'm very lucky. It got very steamy at the right moment. Ooh! Sexy. No, ironing. Grace, he's just going to keep saying it. That is what I'm afraid of. I deeply, deeply like Carlos. Yeah, and on anyone else's planet, that would mean love, so just put the poor boy out of his misery and say it back. You can't just throw those words out there. It's not like a puppy or a tattoo. It's not just for Christmas. Alright, fine. How is this for a compromise? Hmm? Uh "See you at the wharf. "4pm sharp. "Don't be late. "Heart you. Kiss, kiss. " An emoticon? Oh, that is pathetic, even for you. Mate, it's your wedding day. What are you doing? You said there was a problem with the cabling. I'm halfway through the job. I thought you were gonna send somebody else. Change of plans. Righto. I was just on my way up to see you. We can't miss the boat. We have to be there by 4:00. Well, Miranda finally text. Um, slight problem with the car. No, I just spoke to Steve. He promised that they'd be here. You should catch a taxi just in case. Yeah, I'll call one. Poor Rob. Is he freaking out? Tell him not to stress. It'll all be fine. I'll pass that message on. Bye. Bye. OK, OK. OK. Ready? Yes. - Alright. Let's go. - Yes. Yes, I'm actually calling you now, and when I hang up, I'm gonna start calling hospitals and the police. Where are you? What are you doing? You're gonna miss the boat - literally. Call me. Finally! Rob? Dude, what the *** are you doing? I'm not going. I can't go through it. I'm done. She's still cheating on me. I saw her with him this morning. I can get past it once, but twice, I can't do that. Have you spoken to her? Are you sure that's what's going on? I saw her with him this morning! You know, he's sending her text messages! She lied when I asked her where she was. What more explanation do you need? I don't know. You should give her a call. You've gotta at least give her a chance. We've been there, OK? She's had her chance. I don't believe that. I don't think she'd do that a second time. I've got to stop kidding myself. We all know she only married me on the rebound from you, which has never made me want to punch you in the face more than it does right now. Go on, then! If that's what it'll take to get you down the wharf, grab this 2x4, scone me in the head and we'll get down there. What have you got? Oh, you've got to call her, Rob. You've got to call her! What are you doing, man? You've got to hear her side. I'm not gonna listen to her lie to me again. If you're serious about this, if you're not gonna show, you know there's no turning back from this. I'm not enough for her. I never was. You know he's not gonna answer, at least not whilst he's driving. That's true. My husband does like to obey the law. But he likes to obey me more. Indeed. I thought it was the bride that was meant to be late. Warwick was late for our wedding. Cold feet? All I know is it involved a tractor, a tennis racquet and the animal war memorial. Ah, yep. Anything? I hope everything's OK. Oh, of course it will be. I have to say, he certainly knows how to wear a suit, I'll give him that. You love that about him, don't you? Are you OK? What? What are you doing? Hey! Carlos! Give me back my phone! Carlos! Give it back to me. You say "I love you" in a text message and you don't spell the words, you use a picture of a heart? I thought it was cute. Grace, if you have something to say, say it to my face. Say it! Or I'm throwing this into the water. No, come on. That's not funny. Say it. No, I will not be blackmailed. Look. Hey! Can we talk about this later? Please? Why don't you send me a text? OK! Back here dressed, in three. I thought we had five! Go! OK! Good? Yep. How do I look? Great. Let's go. No, seriously, am I OK? You look fine. Should I change? Maybe I should change. What? It will never happen with you and Tom, OK? Just for the record, Tom will never go there. Why? You think I'm not good enough for him? We made a bet. You made a what? If Tom sleeps with you, he loses the car. OK? I'm sorry. Can you just repeat that? If Tom sleeps with any flatmate . . I get his car. Come on, we have to go. Who else knows? Who else knows?! Everyone? Everyone knows? You are all in on it? OK, so the captain said he has to move the boat away from the wharf, but he should hopefully be able to pull back in and pick us up once Rob gets here. If this is Rob's way of being funny, I'm going to kill him. Why hasn't Tom got back to me? Oh, look, I'm sure it's just a traffic thing or something. Hey, it's gonna be fine. - Hey. - Hey. Look, I don't know all the details of what happened today, but Steve said there was a problem with the car? Yeah, it's fixed now. Tom seemed pretty freaked out. But you know what'll really make you laugh, it's he seemed a lot more concerned about you than he did about the car. Oh, that IS pretty funny. Oh! Finally! Tom, what happened? Where's Rob? Well, I don't want to be the one to do this, but you . . you need to give him a call. He's not coming? You need to give him a call. Why? You need to give him a call. You need to Come here. It's alright. It's OK. No. What a crap day. Are you OK? You didn't talk the whole way home. Well I was hoping we could talk. No, thanks, I don't Wait, wait, wait. Just Why didn't you answer me this morning? I kinda started freaking out. I thought something had happened. Well, your car's back in one piece, so you have nothing to worry about. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. I'm not talking about my car. I'm talking about you. That almost sounds believable. What? I hate secrets. So do I. So I think we should have full disclosure. I drove your car into a cop. I got it fixed and the guy did a really good job and you probably won't even notice the difference. No, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You you drove my car into a cop? Yeah, but I fixed it. It's all fine now. So why are you pissed off at me, then? I'm just letting you know what happened because I'm fully aware that the car is the most important thing in your life. Well . . at least Rob didn't jilt Colette by sending her an emoticon. Come here. You don't have to comfort me. It didn't happen to me. How can I make it better? This. I love you. I love you too. Really sucks when you get gypped out of a wedding. Group hug? Sure. Jump on in. Hands above the waist, Harry. My waist too, Harry. If you think I know what's going on, you're wrong. I don't. Please, please call me. I need to hear it from you. Still going straight to voicemail. Let me help you get changed. You don't want to crush it. It's not like I'll be needing it. Oh! I just don't get it! He was the one that wanted to renew our vows. He was the one that was driving this whole thing. I don't get it either. I'm so sorry. Today was supposed to be about moving forward. That was the point. If he wanted to walk away, he could have done that already and I would have deserved it. Why make me go through this? Make me dress up like this? Why make me wait in front of everyone? Is it from Rob? No. It's from him. He wants to know why I haven't responded to his text. What text? There's nothing here. That poor girl! Oh, I'm sorry I missed it. Where were you? Um, here we go. I know where this is going. I'm here now. I don't need you now. In fact, I get on better when you're not here. Better than you do without me. Really? Mm-hm. Let's put it to the test. Meaning? Trial separation. You've been talking about it for ages. Let's do it. No contact, no phone calls, no nothing. Let's see which one of us cracks first. Well, it won't be me. Well, we'll see, won't we? Starting now? Right now. OK. Hey. Rob back from the building site yet? Uh, no idea. He's not answering his phone to me. Oh, me neither. Yeah. What are you doing with that? We had a bet and if you want to be a *** you can hold me to it. You can take my car. I'll give you the keys. Well, there's only one reason why I'd have to do that. Why do you think I'm here? No. No way. Hey, no. No, no. Hey. Hey, hey. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. It You were right, I loaned her the car because there's something there. And I have tried to ignore it but I just can't stop thinking about her. We need to sort this out. Well, there's nothing left to sort 'cause . . I told Miranda about the bet today. Hmm. Hey. I was gonna tell you. When? At the end of the year when you won the bet? Today. Of course you're gonna say that. You've been caught out, Tom. I found the flower. You know that cufflink flower that you gave me at Dani and Steve's wedding? It made me realise that I don't care about the bet. I don't care about Steve. I care about you and I was going to tell you that today. I was going to tell you that . . I really like you. More than . . a friend, more than a flatmate. And I felt that way from from the second you showed up. But you didn't want to lose your car, so there was nothing you could do about it? Come on, it's not like that's the only complication here. I promised Steve you were off-limits. And what about you? You you had a fiance. Not the whole time! You said you weren't interested. You lied, Tom. You made me the butt of a joke. Yeah, I admit it doesn't look good. Do you know how how stupid I felt when I found out that everyone knew but me? Yeah, when I made the bet, it had nothing to do with you. How was I supposed to know that you were gonna move in? Well, as soon as I did, you should have said something. Someone should have! I know. I stuffed up. And now you sit here and you tell me you care about me and I'm meant to believe that? Yeah. Why didn't you kiss me at Dani's mum's wedding? I have been so stupid! You were with Adam still and Steve's standing there, he's giving me daggers. I was trying to do the right thing. Or you were doing whatever you could to push me away 'cause you were scared of losing your car. No. The bet was stupid. I wish I'd never made the bet. I wish that I could rewrite history. I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I thought you'd grown up, Tom, but I was so wrong. Um, let me know if you need anything. I saw you with him. I saw the texts. You got it all wrong. You can't have it both ways, Colette. Alright? You don't get to string me along and have your bit on the side. I'm not. You were with him . . in the street this morning! I saw you! I was telling him to leave me alone! I told him I'd take out an AVO if he didn't stop contacting me! Why didn't you tell me you saw us?! Why didn't you let me explain? I asked you where you were. Why didn't you tell me the truth?! Because I didn't want to make today, of all days, about him. I didn't want any reminders for you. I didn't want this to happen. This! But I've got no way of proving it to you. So if you want to think the worst of me I believe you. God, Rob! Why didn't you just talk to me?