Car Vlogs - November 3rd 2013 at 2 - 54pm - Pharmageddoned

I've been going crazy but it wasn't a long way to travel and its been because my perception of reality has been dramatically altered through pharmacological chemicals, prescription drugs that were prescribed and continuously altered each time I learned to see through the veil of perception which was tainted each time from chemicals. This is a *** up part because I've gone through some *** the past couple of days where just a normal human conversation with someone I care about became troubling and that I lost over 27 hours trying to respond to a text message. Ever since Michael Rachman had changed the drugs from what was being prescribed by Sheldon or Khipple, by the way, these name placements here are for my benefit and I'm sharing this video which most likely I won't as it seems like 99 of 100 of them never get posted. I do this so I can tag for myself as I'm noticing trends and I'm looking to eliminate the unhealthiness that has been persisting as a pattern in my life. Anything in life has a pattern to it, so anything good, I want to continue to follow that pattern; anything bad, I'm looking to immediately eliminate, reverse, repair and I can't continue down this road. It will *** kill me. What these doctors have done was continuously prescribing drugs and I'm listening to my feedback and not considering the basic neurology of the autistic mind. I guess I got autism and that causes some differences with processing things paradoxically. I don't know. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter if I got autism or awesometism or whatever it is; it matters that my experience was not taken seriously by multiple doctors and it was further antagonized by human resources and benefits professionals encouraging me to locked into the repetitive patterns that cause me bad health. When I say this, there's certain *** I can't say no to, like I can never say no to my employer and I need to learn to either get my employer to treat me better like they have for I don't know what happened. That whole situation is *** up. I don't even know if I have a job. I've been following the rules that HP's put forth for me to keep my job and doing so has caused me physical and psychological angst ongoing. That's what pisses me off about the doctors. I think these doctors are going on the premise of 'I'm an almighty doctor, I'm taking him out of pain.' *** it. You put me in pain doctors when you have me back flipping and falling down with uncontrollable seizures and stuff. It's not fair. It's not cool at all. Its *** uncool is what it is. It's unkind. The deal is this: my life has been torn into a *** shattered lens of what it's been. Why am I even *** driving? I'm going to go and park randomly somewhere for the *** of it and just rant on my video here. We're just going to go to a random nursery so we have a backdrop of a nursery. I don't need to be driving; I need to be blogging. Here's the problem: I stopped vlogging and by doing that, I've not been able to see myself. One of the most enlightening experiences was seeing a video from this period of time a year ago where I look good and I see a video of my after the physical head injury I got at work and its no doubt I see my eyes are different colors and the way I spoke everything was different, but what really freaked me out was that I didn't understand my own videos the way that I made them. I like to show off to myself and there are little things I had done that I didn't pick up on right away. There are other things I did pick up on, thank God. I saw different things. There's a video that had some handwriting in it and for me to see the handwriting and recognize which hand I wrote it with and reverse engineer my mind state, it was pretty clear to me what was going on. It bothers me that nobody's taking any of my needs seriously. I'm continuously tripped up with this process from the insurance company, non-purposely, now that I'm getting ready to post more videos publically coming up with terms that I'm going to be tagging particular brands or people with because I'm not here to create any stress for others; I'm looking to create health for myself. We're going to see the insurance company because I don't think I have any references to these specific or the two ones that I may have private. Anyway I do a lot of tagging. The reason for this is I can then go through and say "oh my god, my highest blood pressure spikes were-" and its very clear to me and the doctors ignore these points. When I told Dr. Rockman that my highest spike in blood pressure was following a call when Dr. Khipple was being a *** to me on the phone, take that seriously and don't be a *** to me on the phone, but that's the simple side of it. When I show that the blood pressure was rising and I explained 'wait a second, I've not be able to get out of my house for a week because of your drugs,' they don't *** care. I'm not a person who could be inside my house and I don't even like my home anymore. I really don't. I spend way too much time in the past six months and all that time being sick. I would love to have had time at home. How the *** do I have a brand new in the box Xbox that wasn't opened up any of this time that I'm struggling through? Because I put all my waking hours into fighting with HP and Sedgwick to get the right to live. I just wish I quite my job. I'm not sure if I even have a job at this point, but if I quit back then, I would have had money and sanity and better health. My health was good April 25. April 26 is [00:06:46] from HP's human resources. I end up having a seizure. I never had a seizure before but I'm familiar with them as I have family. Anyway, I'm scared. I'm scared that if I make a public announcement like I have been of 'I'm getting off these drugs,' and part of me knows damn well that the doctors began prescribing more drugs for me after Linda began calling the doctors, I need to get a little more paranoid about that. I'm very paranoid right now. HP has made me paranoid over the past six months once Linda began calling my mother under a false pretense and getting her emotionally fired up which caused a subsequent series of events that I've been traumatized from. It makes me scared of what they're willing to do to make me further uncomfortable. I am shocked that a company as great as Hewlett Packard has employees that are taking these actions. I don't fault the company by the way and I'm specific here. When I put stuff like this out here, if I say anything that could be negatively associated, it's not about that brand. I love working for, I'm not even sure that I do, but the face that I have been working for HP, I'm very proud of the product I sell or sold, I'm still not clear, lets just go with active. I really dig the product I sell. I love it and the company's got the most incredible tapestry. Packard himself had autistic spectrums and stuff I understand. I don't care. I don't even care if anybody needs to label me autistic or whatever they want to call me; I'm Darren *** Williger and I'm awesome. I'm really unique and when doctors don't keep in mind when I give them feedback of I've always had to consciously blink but its something that became more natural overtime, and the drugs prohibited that and my eyes are bleeding me here; that's serious ***. Once I was pushed by HP's HR to continue using the words and emails past a point that I was already broken, I knew I was broken on the 27th with that whole Passover thing. It took me hours to articulate an email just asking if I can get- whatever. Again, there's part of me that keeps looking to protect the company before I even share my *** but talking about myself, honesty is therapy for me. Opening up and sharing this stuff, this helps me, but I'm all freaked out, I'm like 'don't mention the brand' because that to me is more important to me caring for me and that's been the problem this whole time, is that I worried more and more about respecting rules, some of which weren't even provided. This whole Megan and Sedgwick was supposed to give me a list. Nobody even told me if I've been approved for my break; clearly I haven't been. I've been working 2000 hours to apply for it. Who the *** works 2000 hours to apply for somebody with sick levels of tenacity tied with their work ethic tied to their sense of self whose on a bunch of *** drugs and doctors who keep *** poisoning them? Got to go.