Ms. Audrey's House, with Julie Sue

Good evening everybody, this is Ms. Audrey and you are in Ms. Audrey's House on a beautiful and bright and sunny but freezing cold Saturday morning here in Las Vegas. With us tonight is Julie Sue somebody I've known for a couple of years now and have learned to really deeply appreciate and have developed a great and abiding love for and you can see her beautiful face on the screen right now, how are you Julie? I am really good, and it's about sixty degrees here in Dayton, Ohio. Oh, and I'm complaining about the weather here! You guys are getting snow, aren't you? Well the snow is almost gone, there is not much left Ahhh... okay so it's actually warmed up a bit on your end for today for today, yeah! (laughing) Well, everybody, Julie Sue is a transwoman, who began to become aware that she was different at an early age. In nineteen ninety nine she became aware that she was not alone, and visited a local Transgender support group, she was not a little visit a local called Crossport, and you can find them at www.crossport.org Julie was excited about her discovery, but her wife was not supportive at all Julie elected to purge off her identity at the end of two thousand one and focused on professional growth, and building her own company as a replacement as a result Julie alienated her family, ran up a lot of debt due to a business failure, and was very depressed. It appeared that the drive to climb the corporate ladder was no substitute for what was missing inside. In two thousand seven Julie moved her family to the El Segundo, California area, out of a frustration with work and a desire to be in L.A. !n hindsight she believes that this was a very selfish move, giving no getting a consideration to her family. Julie and her family lived in the L.A. area for eighteen months and things did not go well. Her wife was very depressed, and money was a challenge, and Julie was living a secret life. challenge at the end of two thousand eight, Julie moved her wife and children back to Dayton, OH, while she stayed in the L.A. area. During that time, Julie worked to find a job back in Dayton. During this time she was able to experience being herself while living alone in L.A. Julie discovered and then quickly joined Metropolitan Community Church of Los Angeles and made many good friends who were able to help her on her journey, but the separation from her wife and family made Julie realize that she had to make a decision as to whether to stay married and return to Dayton, or start a new and very different life in L.A. In the end, Julie decided to return to Dayton, Ohio, and accepted a job at Booz Allen Hamilton. she told her friends at MCCLA her intention to return to Dayton, and her plans to tell the Pastor at the local baptist church about her struggle with being transgendered. Over the last two years julie has lived in dayton ohio living two separate lives, and that has not always been easy. She joined Toastmasters International and is now the president of the Dayton United Communicators toastmasters club, and you can find them at: http://1694.toastmastersclubs.org. Since joining Toastmasters, Julie has received two Competent Communicator awards, one additional Bronze award, and an additional Competent Leader award as well as being asked to serve as Area Governor. Her success in Toastmasters has built self-confidence, but has also added to her stress and pain. During this interview, julie will discuss her struggles with having two identities and her hopes for the future So, so let's get started and and and talk about you, Julie. I've known you for a few years now and I've always known you as Julie, uh... however, Julie is actually is um... how do I explain that? Julie is who you are, but is not who you were born as is that, is that accurate? I think that that is a very challenging question (interrupted) I don't get any sound from you Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Yes, I can. Yes i can. Did you lose me again? Nope, I've got you. That's a very challenging question, and an early age I did notice something was different, I liked wearing my, my sister's dress. and uh... i really love being Julie but it seems that one of the challenges I have is that I also love my children Ilove my wife and its just difficult difficult uh... life to have, because on the one side I enjoyed being Julie, but yet I'm still tied to being another person Okay, and so, um now, those who don't know the difference between a Transwoman, and a Transman and a Transgendered person they're all basically the same, what the difference is it's not the birth gender, it's the target gender. That's absolutely correct. And, of course, you were born male male but ... um your target gender is female, basically meaning that, that, for lack of a better way of uh... uh... more correct way of putting it you discovered you were a woman, even though you had a man's body. Yes, i feel that way many times. okay, alright and so your move to L.A., your initial move to Los Angeles was precipitated by what? wasn't who need to be more yourself as Julie, or was it an opportunity and so on that or what it wanted a challenge is wesat i'd hyper stopping julie fact around two thousand two and i thought i was replaced that with building leadership skills and and gave up other real estate and i'd just does not replace that desire to be julie so when i got frustrated working and i made that phone call to talk to a friend los angeles that working out there i really wanted to discover who julie was a nice bell pepper i was in los angeles i'd be able to find people to help you know journey and i was actually right sophie and you didn't do that yes i've heard unfortunately it works for you i remember you are a lot of ways that it did but it didn't work everywhere problem lily-white example matters stairs exactly correct i remembered that we got to los angeles place when i got the los angeles i was able to connect very quickly with people that except transgender people back in two thousand seven but with my family arrived my wife had a lot of trouble with with living in los angles you don't like how crowded it was we have financial challenges and she went to return back to dayton ohio so what i had sunk so what i had done as i have some chili move my family to dayton ohio one st here in los angeles and for the first time my life i had the opportunity julie as much as i wanted to be hijacked by much prosecute church los angeles adjoint women's group i'd joined the choir i developed lots of friends including yourself yes that's the problem was is that i could not live with the idea of walking away from my family i remember walking down the steps that i had a center saying i will never leave los angeles but i could also the other side of the satellite have to be with my family which children and i i i like it or inclusion night and i had to return it they know how to my cats and one of the challenges was is that when i sat down with a friend of mine benson toastmasters much over my picture she asked me who is less i said this is me and then she loved the picture instead this as a lot of questions for me and you have a difficult choice when she made the comment and sad what she knew beat julian toastmasters and then your honor self-denial approach to life an accident to some extent work for me because when when i'm not really i always look forward to going to eat but when i am julia i'm not so excited about not being myself okay and so do you think that that julie is you really quick dooley is a real simple mean almost with emotions he sometimes go back and four hundred at times i would agree with you but morgan bought my children and when i get involved with supporting my children stand and things that connects robbie harris minor self strengthens because i don't have my family when i'm julie uh... one of the most difficult things that i have and unity com at the national difficult that must be in it's it's terrible i know i know i went to a ballgame to see my *** on playing the cabin we're playing into the high school and i just love being with him and i thought about all the things that we bought were duplicates because i've really invested in them but then i house of his other like this chili which i also love not gotten back i was so excited to have this interview with ways you anne and started my day about seven a m once i left the house transition will be seeing brain are hydro too soon other university which is being we competency crash accompanying this university and i guess i'm not going to get up early this morning uh... it's it's being weld right brain university wright state university is one but right now but by a struggle is so much because on one side i always hear about being julie c barker and i put so much effort into being julie try also love my children dearly and i love my wife dearly so i'm i'm stuck in this on this fence posts between two worlds wanting to be jillian enjoying everything about being a woman but also loving being with my kids of my friends and it seems like the longer i said on the fence it just gets harder it doesn't get easier uh... e you know that you would think that at some point it would be if you have some really difficult choices that you have to me and it requires not only a lot of dont the effort it picked up in regards i mean my have so many things i deal with a deal with my job which is very important idea with my investments that i have i and i spent time with my poor children i had not had lunch with my all this time yesterday i've been in the evening i went to a game under my other son had and i spent time with my two youngest children home you yesterday okay sold soon within the time exhausting actually exhausting at times when i always make make a point try to go to bed around ten o'clock and and shooting and try to get up around around five thirty and i really can't tell that emphasis on having a good diet and part of my motivation if that is why i like looking good and i i like yeses and one of them around quickly if i wanted yes and and this is land they have to use either skinny *** well eight who have support a sixty million clothing and he will always look really good it's a lot of work i've been trying to yesterday's couple just trying to set up a couple pounds i picked up ground christmas i have this gorgeous out there but i really like wearing but it's really tight right now way at work or should the alright might all my waist a little bit and i had that makes it a little bit tighter check if the spirit stretch pants that i have on the bed they have discovered that the other side sorrows was a little bit away are just suffer with the pain of having type of thing well you know that it's more work but it's there for you no longer the dot the fans are dead and i'm having a little problem right now too that night and you back to you dayton two thousand nine that's correct it was august of two thousand nine black students current number that days show vividly i'm getting on redbox to go to the l_a_ external to fly back here and actually cried at night as i would because i was happy to be living happily but i was so centrally boss and less well i i think i know a sample of the people bhai unusual things were said to see you go to school you and i see you and i had some interesting conversations and just as a side note everyone to me is very intelligent julie issues that's not a kalos by like the column uh... and sheet is my issues my my favorite depicting the whole work a whole wide world because means adenomas ought to love these uh... and uh... so and so we only have these interesting stations company ron opposite sides of the political spectrum um... and that's what i think both of us because we've got a plan to get without the others colegio and we're going to do you get back with blood appreciation and uh... action has been a big heart of monday uh... openness to do and uh... that took the more conservative movement dot hardly broke and um... sometimes the experience the full when you're talking to someone who is uh... not-so-little that's mostly in anymore this has always been wonderful that's been a wonderful experience for me because it gives me an opportunity to open my own mind to um... with some of the questions that feedback on the more conservative end of the spectrum have about people like me okay but and and city police answered questions that you'd like me have but also that the other on the more conservative in this picture and it's been wonderful event that you remained friends even though you're so far away now you know one interesting thing uh... are just so happy espanola at that little etc wondered what it means the spirit a one of the big challenge we have in washington useing color correction extra where on on one side of the spectrum mhm people on leadership wants to placate the american people and give them things they want to meet the needs of lobbyists but one of the interesting things and sent ethics in government is a big challenge a friend of mine was telling me that one unless one bug one of our presidents nominees had voted to raise the income of the office and he's being nominated state and just things like that i'm not just the sex of their but one of the one of the things that we have a problem with this widespread corruption in government one of the reasons why we have this very similar deficit is not necessarily because we want to spend the money and good thanks but how we spend that money and imagine that if you're headed bipartisan commission that could simply strip out things that we were needed objectively and how much better things would be because how many things that we've funding i really don't help people here and a here there's no way i'm going to go to get here because i do believe that i agree with you that having providing people with some level healthcare is a good idea because if you don't get people health care when they begin to have issues it actually is a cost anymore because it promptly syria lebanon receiver also we are still interested situation we have an issue with with social security will be promised people will be able to expand their old age well the promising that people working poor working people and people retired is getting out of balance which means you're gonna have to cut back and benefits or raise the point at which you can retire to make the system salvageable so what you have to do is yet to make really hard cuts and all these areas and yes you probably have to raise taxes on the rich but the danger is the race taxes too much of an absolutely economy where i think and who really sad part about it is why can she had economist come out with a solution to trust them in your decisions gentlemen assist networks without ever happen because lobbyist for slipping one may give politicians money to push airwaves and we're not going to go public with a sensible solution we're going to get a solution now we get based on who pushes the hardest yes uh... somewhat immature liberal or conservative or label you want we're stuck with a with a system that is in a way broker yeah yeah anything that's on the liana government does tend to be stabilized and pound foolish we have three three d_o_ yeah course looking there's one idea though instead of instead of saying the rich should pay more much if any coverage uh... until we have in the economic package i'm xx half it just yet but that's only you know haha my goal is to be one of them is that right uh... chest area i recently that i had done some speeches on one intro balance sheets and doing it and i were stated every mother's day going at reading some promise of my properties cited a financial statement from one of my properties for last year and i noticed i lost all three thousand dollars net profit last year i talked about eight thousand dollars in the property probably in two thousand and two to renovate it and it suddenly occurred to me ask you but i a m that the structures than losing money for years and years and years and it's happening never going to get better anytime soon i finally concluded question just get rid of it i talked to mike and and found out this thing called depreciation doesn't compensate me for my losses and peeking out of money i read off my taxes for losses doesn't cover sydney my losses i'm better off walking away actor walked away in two thousand meaningful but i can't because i paid two hundred seventeen thousand dollars as property and so on top of the eighty nine thousand dollars my ego would handle that at one of my money back uh... instead of cutting my losses right by the mayor i'd probably lost need additional fifteen thousand dollars operate lots inquiry years or though is that very smart but you know we always can realize that now we can change our ways to do the right thing so i'm going to be getting rid of the property since i can because then you look at how i've improved my balance sheets and i've dug myself out of this huge all it looks pretty impressive but i could have done better i could have done a lot better okay yes one of my frustrations and i think my desire to be doing drives me to do a better financially because i know that i can ever get out of debt i have more options yes however if i can ever amassed more investments that produce residual cash for me which means and to work to get the money money news shows up worth and pushes me closer to having freedom to write to make my own choices if i had if i had more money i could just apply outside las vegas to do this interview person art were handed over the internet which would have been so much more fun park years built a business trip in walked around for a while but i wasn't bad dot but you know that's one of the time unfortunately celeste has more about uh... about your life is julie now com i don't know i don't remember if there is a metropolitan community church engagement allright however your uh... if you've chosen to go to different searching he joined the baptist church here is that correct that is correct that that might my right my wife when she went back your whatever task was to project search and she settled on a on a song about the southern baptist church that is not too far warehouse and i've been there a couple times and the people that were very friendly and i felt that what i want to do is i want to simply be very honest with the past erupting transgender when i got there and sarawak ran size actually crazy and perhaps they were right but the way it played out was that i sent out to the practice and i told him i have something i want to tell you by the secretary has to nancy parker i'd rather be a girl than a boy and i just want you to be aware of that and i i could not believe i said those words because of the things i it was even willing to admit to myself sometimes you're self-conscious those things that you don't know but she won't let your subconscious speak annual idea rational mind to suppress that what you truly creole inside and can be a factor that was a nearly was asking not purchased anyone's program which is an educational program for children so the effect that had at black churches out there right along the wildly sort of ministry because some on transgender and and i think the reason why it happens is because southern baptists believe happy days or transgender is simply saying that people need to we can tell that what to expect to be something so i cannot you tear your cross and any simply deny that which you really feel you are and just sucked up into the right thing and i i went to counseling with but there was a base counselor to help working these things and he challenged me to say t_v_ openly ideas might be seven and and my definition of san is doing things that hurt other people psycho definitely classified but who i am ally and could be simple because of are they say does not have a good impact on my way money so i decided to her job being chip believe myself probably in the summer of two thousand and ten number going in and seeing the the individual counseling with nato's decision he started praising the lord forgot and how i felt inside as i kinda felt like i was a and not being judgmental and i say this hope people don't see it that way i just felt more like a trophy i really felt like i was an understudy objective was me was to get me to repent cannot understand what's going on inside and it wasn't now so till the passion the same thing and i still felt so empty and so alone and i wasn't within a week roberts' head of the crowd bears and and my subconscious mind spoke out and i was headed ninety miles an hour and a car uh... well hyatt and that isn't the only time that i rewards for suicide instead of because it hasn't well gee let me clinical data kill myself is indeed the cars we recycle tragedy guarantees you myself being a politician it's moral and you get so depressing so stressful that's your your subconscious mine takes over and driving was very dangerous but but that was not the first time this has happened you know after i retain my sanity i job seeker is about twenty miles an hour of somebody hitting one of my billing and approved in mind that we have in common amy told me that status that is the most selfishly into because he berkshire children so much commitment to each other on sacrifices because of my family commend why would you ever want to commit suicide values opportunity yourself it's over anions right one either just intensifying as many as some kind of random motorcycle and i've got a very good at writing a motorcycle but at what price because i i push myself really really hard to learn a lot of skills remember jumping on the interstate highway admit first week ahead in trying to work scared to death i remember writing up the rain wanting a private supplier you know i mean i'm scared to death you know i have cars around maybe we can see motorcycles when his son's outward how about when you have a pounding rain here's a motorcyclist party that scared yet gets hot enough to fight competent trading like ac all yes it is so but need two things that just had to deal with enchanted april but it it's okay it's not but i think what keeps me going is is teacher you know i have a have a son in college anand i'm very excited that he's successful i had some message union police say well actually children and i highlander races and help them to have a successful life and many times it's down they keep me going tax credits emotionless but still i think it's vital them tank you know and i think one of the hot from now it doesn't that doesn't mean anything it's a heavy burdens here uh... let me know it's all about aapki networking as the examples unskilled walker um... being julienne being bossy uh... that it's very difficult to meet middle because if you need in the middle youth lose on both ends so and one thing about this indictment in the conversation that you and i have kept head we talked about your children and there's no doubt in my mind and anyone who's who's never met with uh... just sent some with a few moments how much you love your children and so i have to ask and what do your children you know about julie and and are they all hate with what they know will not be expected really interesting thing because when i was saying another counselor be the counselor warned me but i i might want to talk to my kids white guys companies about action and first i had the opportunity to to take a picture myself who i am and i i took my two to all this place one economy donaldson said i just want to tell you that a second than it is really sick parker anthony oldest son did not take it very well and the one-time convinience and what are you doing but i can i just stop talking up into any kind of went away my my my second son is kind of a different about it and whenever i talk about things he just doesn't say a lot of things back mylife their son has probably oblivious my daughter notes okay feedback right i got a long time said to me that you need to stop trying to be a girl and sees no g_-seven okay busted that's and that's the latest seven-year-olds think you know it's either one thing or another well i'm excited that she knows because i was i was career hair and i said i i wish i had a writer's and it's just that you need to start you need to stop her when you get girl okay in what was your response to that crying out basic morining after whatever it may be a day goes on to the corrupt it catalina reyes really embroidery comfortable where would be so kind of interaction so there's a there's a a slow progression are uh... of movement saying i want people to come for beating jillian or and the other side of that is that people just last years i've really never said that i'm tempted to them i did show up tonight his speeches in relation to sessions i think at least sixteen five billion publisher but now that i've done really los angeles casters and bradenton stressors monica practice what they did talk about her educational program and during the conversation i told her about about being transplanted republic having children she didn't know i have charter alleppey because we we have a relationship from work for you to tell you things playing tennis masters because i'm not open to talk about being transgender i was like in the absence of the fence looking back which is an interesting *** and and and she was ok with meeting transgender because i told her about that about being married about having to take my wife's rejecting needing transgendered woman was as well julie i'll email you issue and that makes this makes no difference for some great friends well we never have enough to people but i still scary because is that really true well actually interrelationship if i tell people you know i will tell you something i always think mindset i've always been at the mindset that uh... good or bad um... the relationship always changes uh... in some way and here here's what the issue in ordered move the city um... i don't think i person that you are uh... denied see serve as a compromise we're going to ask you to address that i really liked it so i i commented on the dress and um... i think i think it was really happy that dad knew and started coming to women's group yeah and uh... he can't really close and i've always really appreciated that and because you told me land allotment and did anything like that at the present time only ever known as to what he had never known you as nazi social uh... all of my interactions meeting uh... my face-to-face interactions anyway of has always been often single although couple looks at times when we talk on the final artery and dr it's interesting to note that the police saw the different and i'm talking to judy anti i'm not too growing soltahr he can always tell the difference anything okay and it never occurs uh... rich person i talked to him it's just the same person that i love it happens to have you know to uh... diametrically opposite people um... living inside panhandle i couldn't refuse to let you know between us we know a number of other trans women and trans men and that we've been discharged and um... and have similar philosophy on christianity and down uh... and guilty guilty issues uh... having been involved in memories though metropolitan community church of los angeles appalled by the way uh... number one by the nuclear rubin said handicapped associate is now well-founded restriction so and that's a side note about particular congregation an you know i've always not admitting scared me are dont like me blockade am matthew is britannica kissed by the advantages of being a member of that particular church's that she reached the point where you don't really care but which person you're talking to go to care about is the president regardless of the name that's attack other people are not quite sympathetic nameplates so uh... likes about kumar who are still having a really what time this uh... living your life density dayton and increasing quite a bit of rejection both in the church and at home intrigue particularly cryptography complain that simple well um... yes said the democrats minister wielded the staff of on appreciates it may have wanted and i want to be judgmental i really don't because that's where that churches but they're not ready to accept me or not there and that's one of the things about rep about about dealing with people is that perhaps it's better to accept them restaurant they are and know that decisions they make are grounded in whom they are yes somehow simply deal with the reality of back i'm just not yes it's the salad and try to get emotions out of it because i'm not that church of my children yes he did not and then it would be nice to be more accepted but i'd have to realize that in their parade children and and jess fill the role that i have and not expect more because nothing more is going to be there unitl okay to deal ever at any point and expects he will be able to live your life all-time is doing old that's that's one of those dreams sad that's out there but its clout it so much by the reality of who i am today and and mike goal uh... taken care of my children and here is that there is in a day where i a i reran the tapes like what if i could go back to when i left college what decisions when i make if i knew what i know now format time forward and i want my life together but the problem with that came in so many times is i tell wanna wish my children into nonexistence either magid ever talked about if you can go back in time in a different decisions one of only twenty-two active part of the wedding they've never ever happen of course there's other things that would happen to be in a positive way it's almost like when you create something he ever wanted and created right and that's why even though i i think about things like that and i wonder how things have been delivered made different choices the reality is is that doesn't happen and what better thing is this look forward and say what am i going to do from europe or work and i look back uh... and not have any reason and not get so the one st the lord has given me a line has allowed me the excess and i had so many good things happen were unwanted go from here how do i look forward to going and what i want to be and hanged so let's talk about let's talk about and let's not forget that patients should but can we expect schedule to see the black magic probably within two years or so i should clear up summertime that test one of my that's one of my michael's i probably are slaughtered by just that and she grow my my welcome hi i want to serve as a as an area governor intense masters by i wanna see my son graduate from college annexed it's almost like in chile more than i am is on hold something registry can see the on those things on the other problem is you notice i haven't said much about my right to do it all that's it that's right as bad as full and she hates me axes seats dual yes and and you know how you talked about and i started talking to you yes secure document jilly my wife hates me uh... it was as i did so it's difficult for me to talk my wife financially man confident because she wants because she's she tells you as not to that's right and the person that she believes the subsidy that mary is not julie that factually correct exited so it's gonna be really difficult for her to except that's happened the person that she thought she met you that someone else uh... living inside them some unexpected talks someone that she did not and was not didn't necessarily willingness to ph the relationship and i hate you and i've had this conversation about her company's uh... and she believes the end of the biblical interpretation that says that's um... dean julie is saying it's simple endured active and that study your your own personal interpretation as same as we just discussed a few moments ago omg itunes i can understanding manpower alive close uh... work its way to conflict originates that you know that you know my personal selfish methods is u fully as you were i'd like to meet not julie what's the what's inside its uh... and they have a you don't have a sit-down dinner with erin does biology and not too late they also want to that's mating as a person that had all these conflicts that are i don't know how you doing and honestly ivan towns and someone that we need to be estimate we need to let you know with through a similar conflict in it did not end welfare um... the christine daniels uh... who was born is night dinner could we could not brown could no longer campbell needs that's into the passionate comes along being a chance his material instead and the ended her life and uh... it email ag i'd never want to see that happen to be any but it is is the truth that the situation acts enemies you spoke about a few moments ago uh... if you drive being interest in road and friday you you'd want to end it because it is so stressful it is such a hard line toward and you have to go through so over many emotional and spirits limited changes and constantly it seems like before but you can also we also know but at least you translate into have completely transparent param ticket completely transitions who are now not just living their lives as women but they have become women's and so we know that there is also another option do so my question to you is is their at you proceeded in the future xd times make he's definitely a couple transitioning completely i think that to happen i would have to eliminate the obstacle preventing that the which is my family's rejection socialites so in a way this might sound really really strange but i'm probably more faithful to my wife because i'm agreeable to live in this difficult situation it would've been so easy to simply never return i mean i had my family and they know how i have been in the house i had good income coming in in monsanto side good friends it i could've aren't going to take an easy way out in salem opportunity uh... but you talk about that now rather you away i guess i chose another route but it just not as narrow as some people would like it welcomes you know that and that's just part of the journey for you and he keeps translated rent transcripts means journey is different k there there's a whole it's always the similarities everybody has their that there are those um... things that you have in common with other transgendered individuals blood outside of that scariest etc hopeful that want dominating wanted type into your room and letters because he knows any chance to the people and we both know that there are hundreds if not thousands of transgendered individuals downtown area decided that we don't know an you know how your story uh... is from it is is one of hope it's a very hopeful story at least of my personal sounded to me that i didn't even know you know he didn't go through a whole lot living lag as julian in living like this nineteen oh and his team and then and dear is there can be a middle road he said stuff available but you know you making places about what you would wish to do anything he did with the consequences at the choices that you me hurt and it i think that could be that something that a lot of people forget especially when win that is here interesting um... uh... exploring uh... view you think you've run out of the options use oral arable land persons who have s who with convinced in looking at the options and instead of rejecting them deciding that it's much more of its too hard its genes are supposed to be painful uh... you've chosen to leave looks like it up and mantegna road i think you know we admire you for that despite all the thank you the b and not be a handsome leading what's called an econ of israel girl which is a term that i'm really uh... by i can't imagine being in a situation where i had to constantly moving brown miami may be a good time there's privately i have to wetlands and for that person and uh... you know that's what i'm going to be maybe some of that that percent projects being comfortable with making that decision and finding away with that i can't help but it may early june simpler antonia coming out onto another subject he told me at one point that you were thinking about getting your here's here's i had cut firings right now there's so many more options works with pierced earrings because they are hurt as much and and that would also be another statement better but i really want to be doing if i would actually in my ears pierced and i know i know that that that not mean would be okay i worked with having pierced ears but that would send the signal to the home front that might not he said yes on as just another one of those dates that better than say i'd like to give me your spheres but it's more of a question of when okay as i know that for instance i have some of the hearings that i'd probably seen that before but i i lost one so shan everyplace else i have to go find them any day academy shipped in a lot of times i have to cry i've had to pass out have a blue on the on the adhering to make sure they don't bother but if they were there savages stick them in the hall no at the end in waco so asbestos as just one of those things about feeling pretty more hearings and whenever i whenever i see real women and i look at their real herron there really appears years and entered the race i think she is i mean you know i kind of desired to be those individuals and main exiled several ladies walking out of the game last night and i admired their paradigm will cut their hair and how they dealt with them and by the way this year's new monet's garden here at the love that you know i a struggling with the water fountains because i have had my parents may have lied my computer bag and i had a tripod that i have anti when she gets have something to drink and ahead on the water and in my paragraph or or appropriate ard okay actually well site about myself well you know bottled water to drink because none it was just too much of a deal that despite everything down and pull my hair out a way to get a drink of water uh... but i really do like long hair i think it was in the lives of others like having you know and and having a in in your eyes many route and yes deal about australia someone here i still like in lots of reasons they'd be carefully whether self-regulatory right here because i i think we don't have any account very little hair naturally well if you look good as a block ha thank you mia will be fully clothed like to tell us about yourself doing not one one one claimed what i notice is that if you commit yourself to be an excellent what she do it'll make the transition alive easier with time okay kyoki because you have that respect so having people respect to o and ensuring something that's different because a lot better than people not respecting you and and showing something different and is therefore a philosophical thing is is the axle and everything you do and that way when it's time you get printed no exception more czar lookin well you know i eleven ext sixteen thirty environment intelligently and not really an appeal appreciate that yuqing well you know and heads and then he d order doesn't know him and um... finally got other things that you got to do today some would say well the kids are deaths hansel and then a and go ahead and let you know it's not that the show and and indeed down expanded my a everlasting love do you do and i was willfully wrong and that my amazement and k old you were able to and with ma movies he's from world teamleader leslie although we did the book now that there is that there is quite a bit ever the alberta got a one hour test *** requires that for our commitment on my part to get it to get dressed in their insistence that tonight's debate reaction has to be a little pot for america to get me through the transition please okay even even responding to imagine imagine people changing their routes their gender references it during the day courier one gender there and what are the day and said we're different gender during the other part of it and that you gave for reference you buy a different name yes if i can get confusing and again i don't know how you do it honestly don't know how you do it and i have to admire your ability to do that any anti-american cuz i know of how much difficulty is behind let's definitely get you've given me a waiver appreciation for people in my life for the people in my life and this is the deal do and i know i i know i've really enjoyed having you as a friend and you cannot make it difficult times and i a lot saying that part of my friends i have been los angeles out of people that helped me keep going because i don't have any chance you know transaction interact with the site and and one of the challenges simply scheduling because a lot of times people who are transgendered evening's meeting i have attached my family outside no ability to connect with them and i appreciate you getting up early in the morning to do this interview because they really were in spite of children my family are state hoses my opportunity to a morning instead so it's it's kind of these brave moments before after work my secret files that i have a storage facility or saturday mornings and maybe putting on a trip somewhere i can be truly for a moral long curriculum when well n denied it and i say this man he has a few five-second backpack yes yes i a disservice to the you know you're thinking well one of my favorite is that people will be and might be yeah unless there are people and i loved being around them and you know i think the having spent my entire life being flight dupree sharpen yourself you know art fair acrobatic by is as well akkada i hang out at some of your struggles you had with hangout uh... an african-american woman and the struggles you had with your culture special being as successful educated black woman and i know that's created struggles for you as well so-and-so yeah there are many denials and you've given me great insight into into your culture and the clintons journalist but i have no knowledge of you've explained some of those things to me and i appreciate that nyc loosening the and then go ahead and let people go and decided that your day i'm going to go anything like that but i think um... china we catch and start my day yes yes although i'm usually at this time the morning and usually online and uh... it's mostly effort dozens of just the thing that could be in the and getting uh... be can return bartlett low taxes and initial truetype okay i want one question is how i stepped back some people you know i didn't actually see what i'm wearing and she will okay government-backed enough alot st and the it is a that i that i wish that this kind of thing it and a nightmare rap records around my waist global tighter and then the stretch pants i have on digest could not quite quickly buttons so i had to do as i had to type during the course just a little more syndicate led by the stand and sitting in a chair could be very uncomfortable so i've had it had to change my positions around but back then eddie tries to be in indicted yes is so i really wanna i'm going to be honest julia i want to look good and i was glad that this is not wearing you know heels and the only way to the other watching heroes is yet to be in good shape because it's giving us a lot of work to be he also takes a lot of practice so if you if you can bring your own played out between you can improve your your presentation and also you have more mobility and this is one of the these by that right i want to go any further than that but about however i can tell you this might my wife is a polar opposite of that opera and and and being honestly i have to admit this is that being chilean being and and handing out where he'll sizzler supra but after my wife are being overweight and handout but that is an issue that has an advantage i have so much insight into this whole area because it's a feeding cycle that when when someone gets up for a way they don't feel good about themselves which means they withdraw more which means a night might find comfort in food which makes it harder which means there's less mobility which means that you were stuck themselves i've noticed that when i go to uh... the y_m_c_a_ alexi and people that are increasingly good shape the and the people that are really had a handful of places like that and it's a it's a cycle of the loop ex-army s lives and it's really really tragic so i have a i have about the appreciation for people that struggle with way because my wife has a big struggle with that hike don't know how to help hopper editor it's almost like you have to conclusion out money do you say about this when you saw this and has become running inside you to do that atlanta i can do with my wife despite a letter no accepted you are but i need to find a way to express my concern and saying you realize that what you're going you concern your life and it's gonna it so it's already destroying your ability interact with your child is much issue cut because you have ability anyway and bind yourself in one of those electric wheelchairs and company something about it but being transgendered having a complex means it's difficult to broach that topic because it really goes back to you what are you gonna solve your problems yes someone you know when you have a yahoo right all right that's that's one thing that i struggle with a lot in my marriages if the baghdad my wife is terribly overweight and i worry that i think should be judged by also now that that's not fair because you can't blame me another person decision to make where i can you see anything nice doubles at least does not share your view making well are and you know i it's it's still a struggle you know this this holiday season is pitman pretty hard knows pronounced dead at the game thanksgiving mean over the next several years welfare yes intentionally you know you really have to start watching it's just so difficult i'd appreciate your struggle is well because it's it's friday night andy especially when you're dealing with issues of weight notes bomb failures singly schemes for both the house winning that is that they're not backgrounds dealing with and supplements sometimes it's just easier to just not lost denied them i probably should be punished iraq this up because they get a day to start so except that the other yes setting having when this is act that lets you keep having this is this