Xena Warrior Princess S3E14 - English Transcript

[ Shouting ] [ Screams ] [ Screams ] [ All Screaming ] Worshipers of Apollo, you have come to this temple on this day of cleansing to be purified for past misdeeds. This blessing is of no worth if you leave here and once again soil your souls with willful and selfish acts. But if you truly desire to make a new start, the blessed Urn of Apollo will anoint you with the purity of hope. Please come forward. You are forgiven for past misdeeds. Now go and do good. You are forgiven for past misdeeds. Now go and do good. You are forgiven for past misdeeds. Now go and do good. You are-- [ Unsheathes Weapon ] You pour that stuff on my head, and you're a dead man. Hold it right there! You are stealing the Urn of Apollo! - Very good. - And who said priests were dumb? And, by the way, you're forgiven. [ Groans ] [ Man Laughing ] You see, the Urn of Apollo gives a new start to so many people. No urn can do that. That comes from within. Well, not all of us are strong enough to face the jaws of our conscience alone. People come to me who are close to being driven mad by remorse and guilt. Soldiers who have killed too often in battle, rich men and women who have nightmares about what they did to accumulate their wealth. The urn gives them strength to face those demons within. Do you understand? I do. We'll get your urn back. [ Sighs ] Thank you. Ohh! [ Grunts ] I'm gonna get Argo. We'll set off once I get back. Okay. - Did you throw that? - Yeah. - What's your problem? - Your face. Then don't look at it. Look. If you don't like the food, may I suggest you find some other way to express it. What kind of wimp are you? I just threw a plate of gruel on you, and all you do is talk. You and I are gonna settle this right here. Look. I think you have me confused with somebody else. Yeah, you wish. I don't know what's bothering you, but I have no intention of fighting. I think you're a coward. Well, I don't care what you think. [ Screaming, Hissing ] Not my ear! Hold it! [ Gasping ] Xena, I'm here to replace blondie! [ Man Narrating ] In a time of ancient gods -- [ Xena Yells ] warlords and kings, a land in turmoil cried out for a hero. She was Xena, a mighty princess forged in the heat of battle. The power. The passion. -The danger. - [ Kiaiing ] Her courage will change the world. Xena, I'll understand, just this once, if you're so angry you wanna pummel her for a while. - I'm not gonna do that. - Well, then hold her while I do it! You want some more, blondie? Come on! Huh? Come on! You listen to me, little girl. I've got no interest in making a change. Blondie-- Gabrielle here is my partner, and that's the way it's gonna stay. So get lost, huh? But you don't know how valuable I could be to you! Take some advice: Don't get in our way again, or next time you're gonna get a real beating. I know who stole Apollo's urn. The Red-- Valley gang. They're the only bunch in the area who'd make a move like that. I'mnotimpressed. Well, I know where one of their hideouts is! How do you know that? - I used to hang with some of them guys. - Figures. Hey, look, I never said I was a Goody Two-shoes, but I'm here to turn it around! I wanna be a hero and fight for good, protect wimps and kick the crap out of jerks! I know I could do it if somebody would just give me a chance. Come on! Let me just show you where their hideout is. I won't pick on your little buddy anymore. We don't need your help. I heard you were pretty bad once upon a time. Somebody must have given you a chance to turn it all around. What a crock! Why not use your chakram? To do what? Ricochet off a couple of rocks, slice off a piece of her ear and scare her witless. I don't think that'll be necessary. Are we going to let her stalk us like this? That really bothers you, huh? Yes! Okay. I'm not gonna fight ya. I just wanted to tell ya, you don't need me to turn your life around. You wanna do good? Do it! Then you'll be good. That's what I'm here for. I wanna get that urn back for those suckers who believe in that kind of thing. That's good, isn't it? Yeah, but me and her, we don't need any help. Come on! Let me just show you where their hideout is. It'll be my first step. You made arealbad start with my friend. All right. I'll give you that. I'll kiss up to her if you want. I can be just as phony as the next gal. Look, this is not gonna work. I am sorry. Fine. You think I'm a lost cause, don't you? Well, everybody else does, so why should I be surprised? Hold it. Come on. What's going on? Tara's gonna show us where the hideout is. What? [ Tara ] Yeah. I'm sorry I gave you such a whipping back there in the tavern. I shouldn't have kicked your butt like that. All right. You made your point. Can I talk to you for a minute? Hold this. Yeah? Why do we need her? We can follow their tracks like we usually do. Gabrielle, she is trying to turn her life around. Xena, listen to me. She bit off part of my ear! Well, only a little bit. And she apologized. You call that an apology? Look. There's something that I'm not getting here -- something you're not telling me. She reminds me a little bit of me. Oh, no. I knew you were evil, but you were obnoxious too? When I was young-- before my village was attacked-- I used to hang with the young bucks in Amphipolis. I was pretty wild. If somebody had given me a little guidance, then maybe I would've been better equipped to handle what lay ahead. Here's the deal. Let's see how it goes as far as the hideout, and if she gives you any more guff, I will straighten her out. Okay? I guess it can't hurt to give her a chance. Thank you. Come on. Through there. Nine of 'em. I figure, if we jump 'em from three directions, we can take-- That's not gonna happen. That urn is fragile. In an all-out fight it could get broken. So what do we do? I'm gonna get closer and try to isolate one of 'em. And put your squeeze on him, or whatever you call it. Oh, this I gotta see. Maybe some other time. But -- You're staying. This I do alone. Good luck. I told you to stay put. I've gotta see that pinch thing. It's legendary. Tara, go back now! Come on, Xena! I can help! I don't need your help. You gotta let me prove myself. Tara, I am warning you. You don't trust me, do you? Go back now! Hey! Tara? What are you doing here? I've got some information you might be interested in. What's that? Somebody's sneaking up on you in those bushes over there. No-- You don't need them. A man like you can do this alone. Let's go. Right over there. This is so great. You're gonna die, Lark, unless you start singing. Tara, shut up! Where's the urn? It-- It-- It isn't here. May you rest in peace. I'm telling the truth. I swear. Wayan and some of the others took it north. They're gonna meet up with some Silesian traders who give gold for it. He's telling the truth. He hasn't got the guts to play this tough a game of chicken. [ Choking ] Hey! What do you think you're doing? I'm gonna knock him out. This guy's real ***. You wanna work with me, you don't kick people when they're unconscious! All right. Fine. As long as I know the rules. It's okay to knock 'em out after you put the pinch on 'em, but no smacking them after it. I got it. Ow. Get outta here. Xena, Tara ran-- Oh. You found her. Yeah, I helped Xena put the pinch on one of those guys. What? You gotta admit, I've got an instinct for this hero stuff. You did all right. We gotta put some distance between them and us and then make camp. We got a lot of ground to cover tomorrow. Right. [ Giggles ] She didn't listen to you. You let her get away with that? I'm trying to encourage her to turn her life around. Isn't that what you'd do? - What? - Turning people away from their dark side isn'tmyspecialty. Xena, I have learned a lot in these last few years. And one of the things I've learned is that you can't save everyone. Then you and she do have something in common. What's that? You both think she's a lost cause. Okay. I get what you're saying. I'm being too *** her. Well, it's understandable. She did try to bite off your ear. Well, it's not hurting as much now, so I can be civil to her. Thanks. Xena, if you can say with a straight face that you believe in her, that'll go a long way with a confused kid like that. It did with me. It's easier to believe in yourself after someone else has believed in you first. Thanks. [ Laughs ] You put my staff in the fire? Oh, was that important? What? You see, I-I sleep next to Xena. Well, you can sleep on the other side. I don't like to sleep that close to the fire. Well, I don't know what to tell you. First come, first served. Is that right? Oh, yeah. That's right. Who was here-- What's right? Nothing. Not a thing. [ Softly ] Not a thing! It's nothing. Everything's fine. The world's just a bowl of cherries. Good night. Yeah. Can I ask you something? As long as it doesn't keep me awake too long. This doing good thing-- How do you know what's really good and what's not? I mean, those boys from the gang -- they think they're good. How do you really know? It's not always that simple. I usually go with my gut. And when in doubt, I ask her. No. Shewould know? Not always. But I know that her first instinct is usually an unselfish one, and that's a really good place to start. Do you think she was born good? I mean, my father always told me that I was bad from day one. That is not true. You are what you do. You can re-create yourself every second of your life. - But what if-- - You know what is bad? - What? - Keeping me awake when I'm tired. - Right. Good night, Xena. - Good night. It's just that I'm not sure whether or not I'll figure out this being good thing. You will. I believe in you. Really? Really. Good night. [ Gasps ] That must be them. Yeah. Wayan likes setting up camp on hills. [ Man Shouts ] And there are the Silesian traders. [ Tara ] We're just in time. Not really. We'll be right in the middle of relieving the gang of the urn when the Silesians arrive. That could make things a little dicey. What are we gonna do? I'm gonna ride down and knock the Silesians around a little bit first. That'll either turn 'em around or slow 'em down long enough for us to make our move on the gang. When you two see me riding for the big hill, you run for the crest-- fast. Okay? [ Man ] Keep going. Let's just try to get along, okay? What? She told you we had to get along or else, right? Forget it. You know, you've got her convinced you're the real thing. - What does that mean? - Shethinksyou're perfect. SheknowsI'm not perfect. She loves me anyway. That's what friendship is about. I wouldn't know. I haven't had a lot of friends in my time. I wonder why. Look! There's no smoke. I think they put the fire out. They must be on the move. No, they're waiting for the Silesians. They're not going anywhere. You don't know with these guys. They're an unpredictable bunch. Come on. Let's go. We're not going anywhere. We wait for Xena to ride towards the hill. Look, do you wanna be a sidekick all your life? How's it gonna hurt us to get into position earlier? We're waiting here. All right. Tara! Stop! Come back here! Tara! Why can't you wait? Xena told us to wait! Tara! You're gonna stay put till Xena gets back. All right. What do you think you're doing? [ Men Laughing ] Is this worth a thousand dinars or what? Put it in here. Careful! Put it in the wagon. Did you see that? Yeah. Now we know where the urn is. Okay. When Xena comes back, we're gonna make for that bag right away. Th-- No! What are you-- [ Gasps ] [ Gabrielle Clears Throat ] Uh, Xena? [ Snapping, Creaking ] [ Screaming, Gasping ] This had better be good! Wonder girl took matters into her own hands again. Everything would have been fine if you just let go of my foot! You would be dead if I didn't grab your foot! Ugh! [ Sighs ] Oh, boy! I'm gonna ride ahead and see if I can't pick up their trail, and then maybe I'll come back for ya. Xena? Can I talk to you for a minute? Yeah? I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna rip out her throat. I'm going to eat her eyeballs. Gabrielle calm down. Xena, she almost got us killed. I can't work like this! Okay, come here. Sit down. What're you-- You asked me how you know what's good and what's bad. Let me make it real simple for ya. Acting like a selfish brat is bad. So you better start putting others first, or I will leave you by the roadside in a flash. [ Clicks ] Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted. - What's that? - She hates me now, thanks to you. Thanks tome? Tara, you're not only obnoxious, you're deluded. I don't know what that means, but you better take it back right now! Don't push it. Don't you-- What are you gonna do about it? Oh. You think I'm scared because you've got that stick, huh? Okay. Let's go, blondie! Be smart for a change. Stay down. What are you doing? I don't wanna hurt you anymore! Don't do me any favors. Stay down, Tara! Go away! I was just -- I was just giving her my best shot! [ Sobs ] I'm bad! I know I am! I'm really-- I'm really, really bad! No, you're not. [ Sobbing Continues ] My mom was good. I know that. She died when I was about four. I remember when we had to bury her. I stood by the grave and I said, "Mom, you better get up now! The men are throwing dirt on you!" Pretty dumb, huh? Not at all. My father wasn't bad from the beginning. It's just that he missed my mom so much he started to drink. Pretty soon, he was beating up on me, telling me how worthless I was. It went on forever. So when I met the boys from the gang, I -- You just wanted to belong. I guess that was it. Yeah. Why are you guys being so nice to me, anyways? You guys are acting like a bunch of suckers! I've done some really bad things! You wanna compare bad deeds, I'll bury ya. - You are good. - What are you talking about? You left us alone together, figuring that this would happen. That's ridiculous. What do you think I am, a prophet or something? No. Just a good judge of human nature. You're giving me waytoo much credit. Thanks, Xena. For what? I had so much anger for that poor, little kid, I never gave her a chance, and you helped me deal with that. You did everything just right-- including a little bit of, uh, tough love. Sss. Zeus and the Cyclops? No. It's not a legend. Don't you remember when I did this? And this? Yeah. Yeah, we do. That's the mask of comedy and drama. - So? - So that means it's a play. -Oedipus! - No, don't-- don't guess. You have to use the clues. Watch. [ Squeals, Gags ] We don't know. - Come on. Will you just tell us? -Iphigenia At Aulis. How are we supposed to know that? Well, it's not my fault you don't keep up with contemporary theater. Okay, look, I've got one. I'm ready. This'll never catch on. It's too hard. Okay. [ Groaning, Screaming ] - The birth of Athena! - That's it! Whoo! All right. Let's get some sleep. The gang are headed toward the Manie River. The Silesians will probably meet up with them there. Yeah, that makes sense. There's an old abandoned castle there that Wayan loves to hide out in. Well, that's where we're headed. Hey, Gabrielle? Hmm? I really like that game you made up. Thanks, Tara. Good night, Gabrielle. Good night, Xena. Mmm. Good night, Tara. Good night, Xena. Good night. Good night, Argo! [ Softly ] Ohh. Those horses belong to the Silesian traders. They must be ready to make the exchange. I'm going over the wall. Once I'm inside, I'll open a door for you. Gabrielle? This urn-- Mmm-- Do you believe it has some kind of power? They say it gives people a sense of peace. Whether that power comes from the mind or the urn, I don't know. But it could just be an old piece of pottery with really pretty gems on it, right? I guess so. So, if, for some reason, we don't get it back, it's not the end of the world? Maybe. But I know this: For people who need to forgive themselves in order to move on in life, this urn can be very meaningful. Like somebody like you knows anything about feeling guilty. I know. Believe me, I know. Look! She opened the door. [ Sighs ] Shh. [ Men Chattering ] They're bargaining, but the urn's not there. Let's go. There are two guards. I don't see the urn, but those guys aren't in there for nothing. All right, let's find this thing. Nothing there. What's the matter? You may be right, Gabrielle. Maybe you can't save everyone. [ Screams ] You are the best. You should be proud of yourself. I love you, Tara. I love you too, Micah. Not many people play Xena, Warrior Princess, for a sucker. When word gets out, she'll be a laughingstock. Come on. Give it to me. What are you doing? Give me the urn. Look, we've gotta get out of here before Wayan realizes what's going on. Micah, we don't need this urn. Well, you're right there. But we do need the money we'll get from selling it. You know, if you and I head to Athens, we could get some action going there. Fine, we'll go to Athens. Now give me the urn. No. Tara! You're beginning to make me very angry. Look, I don't think we should sell this urn. - Well, what should we do with it? - Return it to the temple. People believe in it. And Xena believes in me. You know, I wasn't gonna kill you until we were clear from the castle, but now will do fine. Hello, handsome. - [ Growling ] - Ah! - Gabrielle! - Huh? [ Shouts ] Xena! Hah! Hah! Tara! Tara! Hey, Micah! Here's something to remember me by! [ Shouts ] I did it, didn't I? I did good. You sure did. Go get Argo. We'll meet you at the main gate. [ Chuckles ] What's the matter, Tara? - You knew, didn't you? - Yeah, I knew. Then why did you -- A very wise friend of mine once said that no one can believe in herself unless someone else believes in her first. You two are such suckers. You are forgiven for past misdeeds. Go now and do good. You are forgiven for past misdeeds. Go now and do good. [ Crying ] You are forgiven for past misdeeds. Go now and do good. You are forgiven for past misdeeds. Go now and do good. What's Xena doing? Doesn't she wanna be forgiven? Captioned by Grantman Brown