If It's Not One Thing, It's Your Mother

- PREVIOUSLY ON DON'T BE TARDY... - HERE'S YOUR CHILDREN. YOU'RE STILL SHOWING A GIRL HERE. - THREE KIDS UNDER THREE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? NANA WENT TO THE COURTHOUSE TO HAVE A COURT ORDER VISITATION WITH THE TWO OF YOU. NOW IT'S PUBLIC. LIKE, MY FRIENDS WILL KNOW ABOUT IT? PAPI? WHY WOULD HE DO THIS TO US? - DON'T MAKE ME CRY. - THEY'RE FAMILY. THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT. - HE WANTS TO PULL YOU GUYS AWAY FROM US AND MAKE IT A COURT ORDER THAT YOU HAVE TO GO THERE TO THE HOUSE. - AND WE'LL GO TO MEDIATION, SEE IF WE CAN'T RESOLVE IT. - I HAVE TO GO TO MEDIATION? - IT'S REQUIRED BY FULTON COUNTY. - I'M BATTLING MY OWN MOTHER. LIKE, SOMETHING SEEMS REALLY OFF ABOUT THAT. F[bleep] DELUSIONAL. ♪ D-DON'T BE TARDY ♪ ♪ OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH ♪ ♪ D-DON'T BE TARDY ♪ ♪ OH-OH-OH, OH-OH-OH ♪ - OOH, WHOA, WHOO! - K.J. K.J.! K.J., HOLD ON. HAND ME THE FOOTBALL! - NO! - WHAT IS THAT? - I SIT ON THE BASKETBALL. - YOU SIT DOWN ON THE BASKETBALL? K.J., YOU KNOW WHAT? - WHAT? - I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THIS MEDIATION THING WITH NANA. WILL YOU HOLD MY HAND, K.J., SO I'M NOT AS NERVOUS? - NO. - YOU WON'T HOLD MY HAND, K.J.? - NO. - THAT'S OKAY. YOU'RE STILL MY BIG BOY. THE BEST THING I EVER DID WAS HAVE CHILDREN. I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU. - OH, MY GOSH, COME. COME. GIVE ME KISS. mwah! - JUMPING IN HERE. - JUMPING, JUMPING, JUMPING, JUMPING. - AY-YI! - COME ON. I'M NOT GONNA LOSE ANY WEIGHT STANDING HERE. - MY LEGS HURT. - WELL, IT'S 'CAUSE YOU JUST PLAYED A FOOTBALL GAME. BABE, THERE'S NO WAY THAT YOU COULD POTENTIALLY GO TO MEDIATION WITH ME. - NO. - THIS IS THE ONLY TUESDAY ALL SEASON THAT YOU HAVE TO WORK, AND IT HAPPENS TO BE THE SAME DAY THAT I HAVE TO GO TO MEDIATION. - YUP. - GOING TO MEDIATION WITH MY MOM AND TAKING TIME AWAY FROM MY KIDS AT HOME REALLY MAKES ME ANGRY. I SHOULDN'T BE GOING IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT I HAVE TO GO. COURT-ORDERED. - CAN SOMEBODY ELSE GO WITH YOU? - I'LL ASK JEN OR NIKKI. I'M SURE ONE OF THEM CAN. - OH, OKAY. - MY SHIRT MATCHES THE... - THE DECOR OF THE-- - THE FOLIAGE. - OF THE FOREST. - IS THAT THE RIGHT WORD? [laughs] - FOLIAGE. FOLIAGE. THAT'S A BIG WORD. - DO YOU HEAR HOW QUIET IT IS? - I KNOW. - IT'S ALMOST, LIKE, A LITTLE CREEPY. LIKE, I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD SCREAM! DA-DA! DA-DA! DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA! [laughs] IT IS SO LOUD IN THIS HOUSE WITH ALL THESE KIDS. - YOU WANT ANOTHER ONE, A LITTLE ONE SCREAMING? - ANOTHER BABY SCREAMING? - YEAH. I WANT ONE. - OKAY. I LOVE BEING PREGNANT. YOU TREAT ME LIKE A QUEEN. - I TREAT YOU LIKE A QUEEN EVERY DAY. - I KNOW YOU DO, BUT WHEN I'M PREGNANT, YOU JUST--AND YOU LOVE IT. YOU LOVE THAT BIG FAT ***. - [laughs] - I THINK WE SHOULD GO FOR IT. - ALL RIGHT. - THE THING IS, IS THAT WE CAN AFFORD TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN, SO THERE'S REALLY NO POINT IN ME NOT DOING IT. AND I LOVE CHILDREN. I'M THE ONE THAT SAYS, WHEN YOU'RE OLDER, ALL YOU HAVE ARE YOUR KIDS. - OKAY, SO ARE WE GONNA TRY? - I THINK WE SHOULD. BUT LET'S JUST BE REAL CLEAR ON SOMETHING: IF WE DO ONE MORE, THAT'S ALL WE'RE DOING. AND I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A BABY DURING FOOTBALL SEASON, SO TO NOT HAVE A BABY DURING FOOTBALL SEASON MEANS WE NEED TO GET PREGNANT THE END OF MAY, JUNE, JULY, OR AUGUST. - THAT'S FINE. - IT WAS REALLY HARD TO HAVE KASH AND KROY LEAVE ME IN THE HOSPITAL THE NEXT DAY. SO WE REALLY HAVE TO PLAN THIS TIME. I WOULD LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. - MM-HMM. - IF WE DON'T HAVE A LITTLE GIRL, BRIELLE'S OUT OF THE HOUSE IN TWO YEARS; ARIANA'S OUT OF THE HOUSE IN, WHAT, SIX YEARS; AND IT'LL BE A LIFE OF FOUR-WHEELERS AND HUNTING... - WHICH IS FINE. - AND GOLF. - YOU LIKE ALL THAT. - I DO. - WHY AREN'T YOU LIKING THAT? - I DO LIKE ALL THAT, HONEY, BUT, YOU KNOW... LIKE, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A LITTLE GIRL TO GO GET MY NAILS DONE WITH, AND I KNOW DEEP IN KROY'S HEART HE REALLY WANTS A LITTLE GIRL. IT'S FUN MAKING BABIES. - [laughs] - F[bleep]. CAN WE TRY DIFFERENT POSITIONS TO GET A GIRL? - OKAY. [laughs] - LET'S TRY. - OKAY. - WE'RE GONNA GET A GIRL. I GET EVERYTHING I WANT. WHAT ABOUT IF WE GOT A TAURUS JUST LIKE ME? THAT DOESN'T WORK. MY MOM'S A TAURUS. THAT DOESN'T WORK. WE'RE NOT HAVING A TAURUS. NO BABIES IN MAY. [laughs] HELLO. - HELLO. - HOW ARE YOU? - SO WE'RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL. IS THAT RIGHT? - YES. SO KROY AND I DECIDED TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY, BUT NOT YET. I'VE HAD ENOUGH SURPRISES HERE TO LAST ME A LIFETIME. WITH MY MOM SUING ME, MY DAD TALKING TO THE TABLOIDS, I DON'T NEED ANY MORE SURPRISES. WE ARE GOING ON BIRTH CONTROL. I DEFINITELY NEED TO BE ON SOMETHING. - WELL, AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT ALREADY PREGNANT, WE'RE OKAY. - NOT ALREADY PREGNANT? - YEAH. - I'M BREAST-FEEDING. I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO BE ON SOME FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL. BUT I DO NOT WANT TO BE PUMPING ALL THOSE HORMONES INTO MY BREAST MILK FOR BABY KASH. - I GOT A NONHORMONAL WAY. - OKAY. - WE GET 8x10 COLOR GLOSSES OF ELI MANNING, AARON RODGERS, AND DREW BREES, AND WE TAPE 'EM TO THE HEADBOARD OF YOUR BED. HE SEES THAT, HE'S--YOU KNOW, IT'S GONNA TAKE THE STARCH RIGHT OUT OF HIM. - I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'LL DETER HIM. I DON'T THINK ANYTHING WILL DETER HIM. - YOU DON'T? - HE'S 27. - I GOT ONE MORE. - OKAY. - YOU TAKE A NICKEL AND STICK IT BETWEEN YOUR KNEES AND SQUEEZE IT REAL TIGHT. - UH-HUH. - BUT THAT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK, 'CAUSE I WALKED IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM, AND MAMA WAS BENT OVER SORTING CLOTHES, AND THAT NICKEL DIDN'T COME INTO PLAY AND SHE NEVER DROPPED IT. [laughter] I GOT A SON OUT OF IT, BUT I'M NOT ALLOWED IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM ANYMORE. [laughter] - [laughing] THAT'S HYSTERICAL. I DON'T KNOW WHAT MEDICAL BOOK'S DR. HOOD'S BEEN READING, BUT A NICKEL BETWEEN MY LEGS? THAT IS NOT AN OPTION. - WE COULD TALK CONDOMS, BUT THIS IS KROY. IT MIGHT SLIDE OFF OR POP OFF, SO WE GOT TO GO ON TO SOMETHING ELSE. NUVA RINGS ARE COOL. LITTLE RING YOU SLIDE IN THERE. YOU TAKE IT OUT ANYTIME YOU WANT TO FOR A LIMITED TIME AND PUT IT BACK IN. THE I.U.D.--IT'S ABOUT AS EFFECTIVE A FORM OF REVERSIBLE BIRTH CONTROLS THERE IS. - BUT IT'S A METAL OBJECT INSIDE OF YOU. - ACTUALLY, THAT'S MOSTLY PLASTIC. YOU GOT THIS LITTLE STRING HANGING OFF THE END OF IT. - BUT HER HORMONES ARE FINE. I DON'T WANT 'EM GETTING MESSED UP. I DON'T WANT HER BEING NUTS SIX DAY OUT OF THE MONTH. I DON'T WANT IT AFFECTING-- IF WE WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY, I DON'T WANT IT AFFECTING, YOU KNOW, HORMONES. SHE'S, YOU KNOW-- - SO YOU THINK THAT WE SHOULD HAVE THREE CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF, LIKE, 2 1/2? THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. - WHY NOT? WHY NOT? - THAT'S PRETTY INSANE. - WELL, BABE, I JUST THINK THAT MY *** HAS TO HEAL. IT'LL BE FLAPPING IN THE WIND IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT SOME TIME. - OH, THERE'S ALWAYS DOCTORS TO FIX THAT. - VAGINAL REJUVENATION. OH, YEAH, IT'S--SERIOUS. THERE'S GALS OUT THERE THAT DO THAT. - VAGINAL REJUVENATION. I'M DOING ALL RIGHT IN THAT ARENA. THE OTHER THING IS, KROY WOULD LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. - YEAH, HOW DO WE GUARANTEE THAT? - YOU CAN'T. IT'S JUST THE LUCK OF THE DRAW. - THERE'S NOT A LOT OF BOYS IN HIS FAMILY... - YEAH, THERE'S NOT A LOT OF BOYS IN MY FAMILY... - SO HE'S VERY SURPRISED. - SO I'M VERY SURPRISED THAT I HAVE TWO BOYS FIRST. I THINK IT'S 'CAUSE I ICE MY BALLS IN A COLD TUB. - [laughs] SO WHAT IF WE PUT A HEATING PAD ON HIS BALLS? - A HEATING PAD EVERY NIGHT. - WELL, YOU JUST WAVE A BUNCH OF CREDIT CARDS AROUND YOUR BALLS, AND IF THEY'RE GIRLS, THE GIRL *** ARE GONNA COME TO THE SURFACE FOR YOU. [laughter] THAT MAKES AS MUCH SENSE TO ME, BUT... - ARE YOU GETTING SCARED BY ALL THIS INFORMATION? - I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE. - YOU'RE GETTING REALLY SCARED. I DEFINITELY NEED TO BE ON BIRTH CONTROL, LET'S BE HONEST. BUT I WANT TO EXPLORE ALL MY OPTIONS AND DO WHAT'S BEST FOR ME, SO I'M NOT MAKING ANY DECISIONS AT THIS TIME. I'M GONNA RESEARCH AND SEE WHAT COMES UP FOR ME. - ISN'T THERE SOMETHING CALLED SPONGES? - THAT'S, LIKE, F[bleep] 90 YEARS AGO, KROY. LIKE, DIAPHRAGMS AND SPONGES. I DON'T EVEN THINK THEY USE THEM ANYMORE. - SPERMICIDE? - [laughs] COMING UP NEXT... - WAIT. YOU STICK A LEMON UP THERE? - "CITRIC ACID IS SAID TO HAVE SPERMICIDAL PROPERTIES." - [gasps] - YOUR *** WILL BE ON FIRE. - IT MAKES IT PUCKER. [laughs] - YOU WANT SOME WINE? - I WOULD LOVE SOME WINE. - HOW ABOUT SOME SOLO CUPS? - OH, IS THE FINE CHINA IN STORAGE? - YEAH, RIGHT. - [laughs] - OH, YOU OPEN THIS. - I LOVE SOLO CUPS. - OH, I MISS KROY WHEN HE'S GONE EVERY WEEKEND. - THAT'S OKAY. WE NEVER GET TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER. - I KNOW, RIGHT? I DON'T GET TIME TO THINK ANYMORE OR PEE BY MYSELF. I'M POTTY-TRAINING K.J. THE FIRST TIME I SAT K.J. ON THE POTTY, IT JUST WENT-- SPRAYED EVERYWHERE, 'CAUSE I DIDN'T REALLY PAY ATTENTION TO IT. - WELL, YOU'RE USED TO HAVING GIRLS. - YEAH. I JUST SAW MY O.B. FOR MY CHECKUP. - OH, YEAH? - YEAH. - YOU GETTING ON BIRTH CONTROL? - KROY DOESN'T WANT ME TO GET ON BIRTH CONTROL AND I DON'T REALLY WANT TO GET ON BIRTH CONTROL, BECAUSE I DON'T WANT HORMONES RUNNING THROUGH MY BODY, AND HERE'S THE FUNNY PART. WE'D LIKE TO TRY FOR A LITTLE GIRL. IT'S VERY EASY FOR ME TO GET PREGNANT, CLEARLY. - YEAH, CLEARLY. DO IT. - WE'RE MARRIED. WE CAN JUST KEEP HAVING BABIES. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? - I-I-I DON'T SEE A BIG DEAL. I LIKE BEING AN AUNT. [laughs] ONCE YOU HAD OVER TWO KIDS, YOU KNOW, EVERY ONE YOU ADD ON TO, IT'S JUST MAKING THE TEAM A LITTLE BIGGER. HOW SOON? - LIKE, NEXT YEAR IN, LIKE, MAY OR JUNE SO THAT I CAN HAVE A FEBRUARY, MARCH BABY, BECAUSE KROY WANTS TO BE OFF. - OKAY. SO NOW YOU'RE GETTING ON BIRTH CONTROL? - YEAH. WHY DO I WANT TO GO ON BIRTH CONTROL? WELL, HELLO! HAVE YOU SEEN MY HUSBAND? I CAN'T SEEM TO STAY OFF OF HIM. I NEED SOMETHING, OTHERWISE I'M GOING TO BE LIKE THESE CRAZY WOMEN THAT HAVE 18 KIDS. I WAS LOOKING TODAY EARLIER ON THIS, LIKE-- THERE'S ANCIENT METHODS OF BIRTH CONTROL. - WAIT. YOU STICK A LEMON UP THERE? - "CITRIC ACID IS SAID TO HAVE SPERMICIDAL PROPERTIES." - [gasps] THEY DO THIS-- - "AND WOMEN USED TO SOAK SPONGES BEFORE INSERTING THEM IN THE ***"? THEY SOAK THEM IN LEMON JUICE? YOUR *** WILL BE ON FIRE. - [laughs] - IT MAKES IT PUCKER. [laughing] YOU'RE AN IDIOT. - YOU KNOW, AND THE KIND OF SPONGES THEY USED BACK THEN, THOSE WERE, LIKE, REAL SEA SPONGES, SO YOU GOT A LEMON AND A FREAKING CRUSTACEAN UP YOUR THING. - YOU'RE SUCH AN ***[bleep]. THESE ARE ALL A BUNCH OF BULLS[bleep]. I'M NOT STICKING LEMONS UP MY HOO-HA. - IT'LL--YOU'LL HAVE, LIKE, A FRUIT SALAD. - I'M NOT STICKING NO FOOD UP IN MY T[bleep]. IT'S NOT HAPPENING. - SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? - I WAS THINKING THE I.U.D., BECAUSE THE I.U.D. ONLY PUTS THIS HORMONE INTO YOUR UTERUS. IT DOESN'T PUT IT INTO YOUR BLOODSTREAM. - OKAY. - I'M REALLY THINKING THE BEST METHOD FOR ME IS GONNA BE THE I.U.D. BECAUSE IT'S EASY. WHEN I WANT TO CONCEIVE, I JUST TAKE IT OUT, HAVE A NORMAL PERIOD, AND PRESTO. HERE'S THE OTHER THING: WE REALLY WOULD LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. - IS THERE SOME WAY TO DO IT? - THEY SAY THAT BOYS ARE MADE OUT OF PASSION, SO THAT--THAT MAKES SENSE. - I DON'T KNOW. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A CROCK OF S[bleep]. LIKE, WHAT DID THEY SAY? LIKE, WHEN PEOPLE CHECK IN THE HOSPITAL, THEY WERE LIKE, "SO WERE YOU REALLY PASSIONATE "WHEN YOU HAD SEX OR WERE YOU PASSED OUT DRUNK WHEN YOU GOT PREGNANT?" [laughter] WHAT ABOUT A POSITION? - "*** POSITIONS TO CONCEIVE A BABY GIRL." - ENSURE A BABY GIRL. - "TO CONCEIVE A GIRL." OH, GOD, THEY SHOW YOU THIS EXPLICIT PHOTO. THAT DOES NOT LOOK HOT AT ALL. - THAT'S HOW YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HAVE SEX FOR, LIKE, SIX MONTHS UNTIL YOU GET PREGNANT. - [claps] "THE GIRL DIET: CHOCOLATE, VEGETABLES, FISH, AND SWEETS." THAT'S ALL I F[bleep] EAT. SOME PEOPLE SUGGEST HAVING SEX WITH THE WOMAN ON TOP HELPS TO CONCEIVE A GIRL. NO. DOESN'T WORK. REAR ENTRY? - THAT'S FOR CONCEPTION, THOUGH. - REAR ENTRY? HOW DO YOU GET PREGNANT IF YOU GO IN THE REAR? - NO, YOU HIT IT FROM BEHIND. - OH, OH, OH. - GOLLY. "HAVE SEX DURING THE FULL MOON." - WE DID. WE GOT K.J. AND KASH. SO THAT'S--THIS WEBSITE SUCKS. - HELLO? - OH, MY GOD. PLEASE COME UP HERE. - OH, LOOK, YOU GOT ON ONE OF YOUR DRESSED-UP JOGGING SUITS TODAY. - I KNOW. I KNOW. - HOW ARE YOU? - EVERYTHING'S CRAZY. NOW I NEED TO FIGURE OUT AN OUTFIT FOR MEDIATION. NOW, MY MOM GETS ME SO F[bleep] ANGRY. I'M LIABLE TO JUST HAUL OFF AND SLAP THE S[bleep] OUT OF SOMEBODY. I HAVE TO GO TO THE COURTHOUSE, SIT IN A ROOM-- I'M GONNA MANDATE MY MOM BE IN ANOTHER ROOM-- AND TRY TO COME TO SOME RESOLUTION. BUT NOW THAT MY DAD HAS GONE TO THE GOSSIP BLOGS, WHAT MAKES ME THINK THAT THEY'RE NOT GONNA DO THE SAME ABOUT MY GIRLS? - EXACTLY. - MEDIATION IS THE FIRST STEP IN THIS BATTLE WITH MY MOM BEFORE IT GOES TO A JUDGE. GOING INTO MEDIATION, MY THOUGHTS ARE THIS: I'VE MADE THE DECISION. YOU HAVE NOW PROVEN TO ME AND SHOWN TO ME IN BLACK AND WHITE THAT YOU WILL GO TO ANY F[bleep] LENGTH FOR THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR. OH, AND GUESS WHAT. KROY CAN'T GO. - WHY? - WELL, IT HAPPENS TO BE THE TUESDAY THAT KROY HAS A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME, SO HE HAS TO WORK. - OH, MY GOD. YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE BY YOURSELF. - OH, NO. YOU WON'T BE HOME ON TUESDAY? - YEAH, I'M GONNA BE IN L.A. ALL WEEK WORKING. - I'LL ASK NIKKI. - YOU NEED A RIDE-OR-DIE CHICK TO GO JUST IN CASE SOMETHING GO DOWN AND YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THERE QUICK. - RIDE-OR-DIE CHICK, THAT'S RIGHT. [both laugh] - SO YOUR OUTFIT. - I NEED SOMETHING THAT'S CASUAL, BUT STILL, LIKE, YOU KNOW, CASUAL, COMFY. - CAN WE WEAR FUR? - FUR? - YEAH. - SHUN, I CANNOT WEAR THAT. - WE GOT TO WALK IN LIKE, "I AIN'T GOT NO WORRIES." - SHUN, NO, I CANNOT WEAR A F[bleep] DRESS. MY MOM'S CLAIMING THAT SHE'S POOR AND THEY CAN'T GET A LAWYER. SO IF I WALK IN IN A--WHAT IS THAT? A $6,000 DRESS? - WELL, NOTHING OVER HERE CHEAP. - OH, THAT'S TRUE. THIS WHOLE LAWSUIT TO ME IS A BUNCH OF BULLS[bleep], EVEN DOWN TO THE FACT THAT MY MOM'S CLAIMING POVERTY. YOU GOT TWO F[bleep] CARS, YOU GOT A HOUSE YOU'VE BEEN IN 16 YEARS, AND YOU GOT PLENTY OF CLOTHES. DON'T PLAY ME OR THE JUDGE. - WHAT ABOUT SOME FEATHERS? - THAT'S KIND OF CONSERVATIVE. - MM-HMM. - DO I HAVE TO BE THAT DRESSED UP? NO. - IT'S REALLY FUN DRESSING YOU IN NORMAL CLOTHES. - WE MIGHT HAVE ANOTHER BABY SOON, SO... - OOH, LORD, ANOTHER BABY? - MAYBE. LIKE, WE MAYBE MIGHT TRY FOR A LITTLE GIRL. - THEN YOU GET TWIN BOYS. - [sighs] WE'LL TAKE ANYTHING AS LONG AS THE BABY'S HEALTHY, BUT WE WOULD PREFER A GIRL. I'M JUST GONNA KEEP HAVING THEM. KROY WANTS A FOOTBALL TEAM; HE'S GONNA GET A F[bleep] FOOTBALL TEAM. - SO WHAT ABOUT YOUR LITTLE CHANEL HOODIE? THE HOOD ON, BIG BLACK SHADES, HOLD YOUR DRESS UP IF YOU GOT TO MAKE A RUN. - IF I GOT TO TALK OFF RUNNING? - THIS IS IT. - THAT'S PERFECT. - HERE. PUT MY GLASSES ON. - OH, I CAN'T TAKE--I CAN'T TAKE THESE GLASSES, SERIOUS. - THOSE ARE TOM FORD. - ARE THEY REALLY TOM FORD? OKAY. SEE, THIS IS NICE. THIS REMINDS ME OF MY SWEATS THAT I WEAR EVERY DAY. - PULL IT ALL THE WAY DOWN LOW. DOWN. - MY GOD, I'M NOT IN A RAP VIDEO. - [laughs] - SO I'M JUST GONNA WALK IN LIKE THIS. - LOVE IT. - SHE'LL PROBABLY HAVE A F[bleep] HOOD ON TOO THINKING SHE'S A CELEB. - [laughs] I LOVE IT. - PERFECT. DONE DEAL. - I LOVE IT. - GIVE ME A KISS. mwah! I LOVE YOU LIKE CRAZY. - [whimpering] - STAND HERE WITH BERTA. HE CAN WAVE BYE-BYE TO ME. - [speaking Spanish] - OKAY, STAY RIGHT THERE SO YOU CAN SAY BYE TO MOMMY, OKAY? - [speaking Spanish] - I'LL CALL AND CHECK ON YOU. I LOVE YOU! IT'S F[bleep] POURING RAIN. WE HAVE MY PHONE? - MM-HMM, I GOT IT. - THANK YOU, SHUN, FOR PICKING ME OUT AN OUTFIT THAT HAS A HOOD ON IT. ALL RIGHT, WE'RE OFF AND RUNNING. - GOOD TIMES. - WHICH COSTS MORE MONEY. - OH, YEAH, OF COURSE. KROY CAN'T COME TODAY BECAUSE HE HAS TO WORK, UNFORTUNATELY, SO MY GIRLFRIEND NIKKI WHO I'VE BEEN FRIENDS WITH FOR TEN YEARS IS COMING WITH ME. THANK GOODNESS, BECAUSE I DEFINITELY NEED SOMEBODY'S SUPPORT THROUGH THIS WHOLE PROCESS. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH-- MY PARENTS HAVE COST ME TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS AT THIS POINT FIGHTING THEM. - THEY DON'T HAVE A LAWYER? - NO, THEY SAY THAT THEY'RE BROKE, WHICH I KNOW IS A LIE. - THEY WANT THE JUDGE TO FEEL BAD FOR THEM THAT THEY HAVE NO MONEY. HERE'S THEIR DAUGHTER MAKING ALL THIS MONEY; HERE'S HER HUSBAND WHO'S THIS NFL PLAYER MAKING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS A YEAR, AND HER POOR PARENTS ARE BROKE. GET THE F[bleep] OUT OF HERE. DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS STORY THAT MY MOM AND DAD DID, THAT I'M JEALOUS OF MY MOM? AND I ASKED HER TO NOT WEAR A BIKINI AROUND MY HUSBAND BECAUSE I'M VERY JEALOUS OF MY MOTHER'S INCREDIBLE FIGURE. ARE YOU F[bleep] SERIOUS? - THAT'S PROBABLY THE LAST THING... - LISTEN, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY HUSBAND, NUMBER ONE. NUMBER TWO, I CERTAINLY DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY HUSBAND AROUND MY MOTHER. - DELUSIONAL. - YEAH. - SO WHAT ABOUT YOUR BROTHER, THOUGH? DO THEY NOT GET IN HIS BUSINESS LIKE THAT? - MY BROTHER STOPPED TALKING TO MY PARENTS FOR A COUPLE YEARS. - I'VE NEVER GONE LIKE THAT WITH MY PARENTS EVER. - IF BOTH OF YOUR CHILDREN HAVE STOPPED SPEAKING TO YOU FOR YEARS AT A TIME THROUGHOUT THEIR LIFE, THERE'S A PROBLEM. I CAN'T IMAGINE NOT TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER EVERY SINGLE DAY. THINGS HAVEN'T BEEN RIGHT BETWEEN MY PARENTS AND I FOR MANY, MANY YEARS. MY PARENTS HAVE SABOTAGED THE RELATIONSHIP WITH MYSELF, AND NOW IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE DOING THE SAME THING WITH THEIR GRANDCHILDREN. - I WOULDN'T EVEN USE YOUR LAST NAME ANYMORE. - MY LICENSE SAYS KIM ZOLCIAK-BIERMANN. AND THAT'S JUST BECAUSE OF THE GIRLS AT SCHOOL, BUT NOW WE'RE DROPPING THE ZOLCIAK. - THEY DON'T DESERVE FOR YOU TO WALK AROUND WITH THAT NAME. I MEAN, I HATE TO SAY THAT. - HOW'S THAT? - PUT THE HAIR IN FRONT OF YOUR ***, THOUGH. - OH, MY *** ARE HANGING OUT. GOD HELP THEM. THEY KEEP GROWING. - BECAUSE YOU'RE BREAST-FEEDING. - HOW ARE YOU? - HI, HONEY, I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? - ARE WE READY TO ROCK AND ROLL? - WE'RE READY TO ROCK AND ROLL. - LET'S DO IT. - I THINK I'M MOST CONCERNED WITH THE MEDIATION JUST SEEING MY MOM. MY EMOTIONS ARE SO RAW. THIS IS ALL SO NEW TO ME, AND I'M SO HURT, ANGRY INSIDE. AND SEEING MY MOM WILL JUST BRING ALL THAT AGAIN TO THE SURFACE. - WE'LL GO ON TO THE BACK. THEY'LL PUT US IN A ROOM SO WE WON'T HAVE TO SEE THEM. - THAT'S PERFECT. AT ALL? WE WON'T SEE THEM AT ALL. - NO. - MEDIATION IS NOT AN OPTION. - OKAY. LET'S DO IT. - THERE'S NOTHING TO MEDIATE, 'CAUSE THE ANSWER IS F[bleep] NO. - ARE YOU READY? - WE'RE READY. WE GOT THIS. - WE'RE HERE FOR MEDIATION. ARE THEY ALREADY IN A ROOM? - THEY ARE, AND WE HAVE A SEPARATE ROOM FOR YOU. - ALL RIGHT, SUPER. - COMING UP NEXT... - THEY CAN ARREST YOU FOR DISORDERLY CONDUCT. - THEY CAN? THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY KIDS, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE QUIET? - YOU'RE UP AND OUT OF THERE; YOU'RE IN HANDCUFFS. - ♪ LET'S GO ♪ - OKAY, SO... - I DON'T TRUST YOU TO HOLD THE DOG. AND WE'RE GONNA USE KASH'S SOAP SO WE DON'T BURN HER EYES. - YOU RUB THE BUTT. I'LL RUB THE BACK. - YEAH, YOU'RE GONNA BE SO PRETTY. - CAN'T BELIEVE MOMMY ACTUALLY USED TO DO THIS TO US. - YOU'RE OVER HERE CLEANING HER BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER. I'M OVER HERE DOING IT BECAUSE SHE SMELLS DISGUSTING. - OHH, THERE SHE GOES! - AND SHE'S A RUNAWAY. - COME HERE, CHANEL! - CHANEL! - SEE WHO SHE LIKES MORE. OH, WATCH. WHOEVER SHE CRAWLS TO. - CHANEL, COME HERE! COME OVER HERE! AND THEN WE CAN GO INSIDE. - CHANEL! - CHANEL... - CHANEL... both: DO YOU WANT A TREAT? - SHE HATES US. - SHE HATES YOU. CHANEL, YOU WANT A TREAT, SWEETHEART? - OKAY, DO NOT PEE ON THE FLOWERS. - SHE'S WATERING THEM. - OH, MY GOD. I'M DONE WITH THIS. - OKAY. - WHOO! - OH, GOD. - SO TODAY WAS NOT ANY MORE THAN WHAT WE EXPECTED IT WAS GONNA BE. WE KNEW THAT THEY STILL WANTED VISITATION. - YEAH. - AND THEY FIGURED YOU WERE GONNA FOLD. - BECAUSE I FOLDED FOR 34 YEARS, HONEY. NO MORE FOLDING. MY MOM'S GOAL IS CLEARLY JUST TO HURT ME, FRUSTRATE ME, TRY TO CONTROL ME. WHATEVER SHE USUALLY HAS DONE MY ENTIRE LIFE IS WHAT SHE'S TRYING TO DO TODAY IN MEDIATION. I UNDERSTAND THE MEDIATOR TRYING TO GET ME TO SEE BOTH SIDES. AND I THINK SHE REALIZED AFTER SEVERAL OF MY STORIES THAT MAMA BEAR IS JUST BEING PROTECTIVE BUT I'M ALSO BEING VERY RATIONAL THAT THEY'VE CROSSED A LINE THAT'S UNFORGIVABLE. I THINK SHE REALIZED. - AND I DON'T THINK SHE REALIZED HOW MUCH DAMAGE YOUR PARENTS HAVE DONE. - WELL, AND I LOOKED AT THE MEDIATOR, AND SHE SAID, "OKAY, I GET IT." FINALLY, SHE GOT IT. I HAD TO GIVE HER A LOT OF SCENARIOS. - ONE THING YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER, THOUGH, IS, THE MORE THEY TALK, THE DEEPER OF A HOLE THEY DIG. - YEAH, I AGREE. SO WHAT'S NEXT? - COURT. NOW WE GET TO TRIAL. - THAT SOUNDS SERIOUS. - IT'S VERY SERIOUS. - I ALREADY KNEW GOING IN TODAY THAT THERE WAS NOT GONNA BE ANY SORT OF RESOLUTION BECAUSE MY PARENTS ARE SITTING HERE TALKING TO THE BLOGS, SO I'M DEFINITELY NOT GONNA PUT MY GIRLS IN THEIR HANDS AND ALLOW MY PARENTS TO GO AND TALK TO THE BLOGS ABOUT MY CHILDREN, WHICH MEANS NOW WE GO TO A TRIAL. TRIAL, AS IF I'VE, LIKE, MURDERED SOMEBODY. - THE RULES CHANGE WHEN WE WALK INTO THAT COURTROOM. - YEAH. - IT'S VERY PROFESSIONAL. - I CAN ACT PROFESSIONAL. - IT'S--RIGHT. IT'S SUITS AND TIE. THERE WILL BE NO CUSSING. THERE WILL BE NO SPEAKING OUT OF TURN. YOU WILL HAVE TO ACT WITH DECORUM. YOU WILL BE DEMURE. - SO "F[bleep] YOU" IS NOT AN OPTION. - YOU'LL BE HELD IN CONTEMPT OF COURT. - THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY KIDS, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE QUIET? YOU BETTER BRING ME A F[bleep] MUZZLE. - THEY CAN ARREST YOU FOR DISORDERLY CONDUCT. - THEY CAN? - THE JUDGE CAN HAVE YOU INCARCERATED. YOU'RE UP AND OUT OF THERE; YOU'RE IN HANDCUFFS. - LOOK, I MAY BE A CLOWN, AND I CUT UP AND I JOKE, BUT THERE'S A TIME FOR PROFESSIONALISM, AND I'M CERTAINLY NOT GONNA WALK INTO A COURTROOM AND GIVE THE JUDGE THE MIDDLE FINGER OR ACT INAPPROPRIATE. LIKE, I DO HAVE MANNERS. F[bleep] BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I DO HAVE MANNERS. I'LL HAVE MY SHIRT UP TO HERE AND MY HAIR IN A SLICK PONYTAIL. AND I'LL HAVE MY CHANEL SWEATER. MY--I'LL BE SO--YOU'RE GONNA SEE A WHOLE NEW KIM. - YUP. ALL RIGHT. - THIS IS JUST A FIRST BATTLE OF A WHOLE WAR THAT I HAVE AHEAD OF ME, BUT MY MOM KNOWS ME BETTER THAN TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT GONNA LAY DOWN AND JUST LET HER RUN ME OVER. - WE'RE GOOD TO GO. - KELLY, IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE. - YOU'RE A BOSS. - THANK YOU. - IT'S ALL RIGHT. - I APPRECIATE YOU. YOU'RE THE BOMB. - BYE, SWEETIE. NICE TO MEET YOU. - YOU TOO. - BE GOOD. - I THINK WE NEED A MARGARITA. - OR TWO. - YEAH. - [laughs] - NEXT TIME ON DON'T BE TARDY... SHE FAILED SCIENCE AND GEOMETRY. - YOU HAVE TO PUT FORTH EFFORT. WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS? - LIKE, YOU'RE GOING ON A FREAKING DATE. - IT'S NOT. HE DID NOT ASK ME TO GO OUT TO DINNER WITH HIM AS A DATE. - ARE YOU REALLY JUST FRIENDS? - WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. - WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADMIT THAT YOU DON'T TRUST US? - WE DO TRUST YOU. THAT'S WHAT I TOLD JEN. - I'M LEAVING. I'M OFFENDED.