What is The Difference between Friends And Frenemies?

“I get by with a little help from my friends,” sang the Beatles, and a true friend is a gift indeed. Friendship makes society a functional and comfortable place to live in. Friends look out for us, and help us to be the best version of ourselves we can possibly be. We can choose our friends but we can’t choose our families or (most of the time) our work colleagues. Research has shown that good friends make us healthier and ensure that we live longer. But what happens when an intruder pretending to be a friend, but is actually an enemy, enters our lives. How can we tell who are our real friends and who are enemies disguised as friends? In today’s episode of the Infographics Show we find out as we look at – The difference between Friends and Frenemies. “A single soul dwelling in two bodies” is how Aristotle described friendship. Friends make us feel better about ourselves, they lift us up when we are feeling down and call us out when we are in the wrong. True friends identify negative influences in our lives and point them out in a mild manner. They also support and encourage the positive aspects of our lives. Friends are honest about their own problems and expect you to be the same about yours. The best gift a person can give you is their time and energy. Good friends really listen, they put away their cell phone when you’re together and give you their undivided attention. Good friends have our back and are honest. Although life often gets in the way – marriage, kids, work - genuine friends manage to find time in amongst all this to catch-up and maintain the friendship. Real friends won’t gossip about you behind your back. If they have an issue with you they will raise it with you directly because untimely they want you to be a better person for your own sake. Friends will not only stick around as you grow older, they will bring out the best in you, and nurture your confidence. A frenemy is a portmanteau of “friends” and “enemy” referring to a person to whom one is friendly and sociable with despite a dislike for that person. A frenemy displays all the usual characteristics of a friendly person but beneath the veneer lies other intentions. The word was first coined in 1953 in an article by American gossip columnist Walter Winchell in the Nevada State Journal. In the workplace frenemies are common currency owing to increasingly informal environments and the multitude of close intertwined relationships with an increasing number of work colleagues socializing with each other outside of work. A frenemy can be tricky to identify, but once they have been detected you should keep a safe distance between yourself and that person as they are not working to your advantage. Think of a frenemy like a parasite, he or she feeds from your energy, lives close to you, but doesn’t have your best intentions at heart. Sigmund Freud said of himself “an intimate friend and a hated enemy have always been indispensable to my emotional life…not infrequently…friend and enemy have coincided in the same person.” Likewise we have often heard the phrase that he or she is “their own worst enemy.” Well, with so much self-doubt in the world it is important that we befriend people who support us rather than secretly put us down behind our backs. The frenemy is out there and alive and well and it is more than likely that you already have one or two in your social circles. So now that we know a frenemy is somebody who appears to be a friend but is actually a rival, let’s take a look at how to spot a frenemy. How do they behave? They can be difficult to detect at first, often being supportive and complimentary, but that ulterior motive will rear its ugly head at some point, perhaps behind closed doors. Maybe it will take a friend to detect a frenemy for us. Until they are detected a frenemy can be something of a relationship vampire, draining your energy with passive-aggressive behavior. Frenemies often thrive from intimate relations and want to be your best friend soon after you meet. They will ask you out for lunch, like your comments on facebook, send texts and messages often. On the other hand true friends realize that building a relationship takes time and is more of an organic process. So if somebody wants to get too close too soon they may well be a potential frenemy. Pretend friends will tell you loads about their own personal history, usually straight away. They might offer to help you out with work projects, pick up your kids from school, loan you some cash. They will probably insist on paying the bill at a restaurant or bar. This sort of behavior should not sit right in your gut. Something doesn’t feel right because it isn’t. When something or somebody seems too good to be true they usually are. But be warned. Your frenemy, by offering to help you is depositing into the IOU bank and expects to be paid back with interest. Friends on the other hand are more guarded about their personal life and allow you to be the same. Frenemies love the confusion of entangled relationships. They like to keep count and they expect to be repaid and when they aren’t they will make sure your reputation suffers. Fake friends might make the odd light-hearted put-down comment, often when there are a few other people present. But don’t be confused- some people are simply sarcastic and feel that the odd put-down between friends is not a sign of really disliking that person. Friends often know the boundaries, as they have known you for a long time, so their jokey comments aren’t intended to wound, whereas a frenemy will go in for the killer comment. They are so used to cutting you up behind your back that this behavior slips into social settings. This behavior will seem strange as they began the relationship with nothing but praise and compliments but slowly and surely this will be blended in with minor slights which will slowly and surely over time evolve into major insults. True friends will praise you when you feel that you have earned it. Friends will not offer you fake compliments. Friends will not feel comfortable criticizing you, and if they do, it will be mild and in private. There’s nothing a frenemy loves more than digging up some dirt on you. If they see a weak spot in your life they will press on it, ask for more information. You have a bad relationship with your parents, then they want to know all about it. Feeling depressed? They want to know more about it. In the beginning it may seem nice to have someone appear to care about your personal problems but if the probing is continual you may well have a frenemy on your hands. True friends will show concern about your personal problems but will allow you to deal with those issues privately, offering support if you need it. Friends will make you over time put down your guard while frenemies will do exactly the opposite- they will make you put up your guard and cause you to feel more apprehensive over time. Their ultimate goal is to make sure you fail. A frenemy will sabotage your events and your efforts. Frenemies are often sociopaths. You do not want these people in your life. If you spot one, keep a safe distance, while being polite. Find reasons not to socialize with them on a one to one basis. Let them be frenemies with somebody else. Because really, life is too short for frenemies. So have you ever had a frenemy? How did it work out? Did they walk away slowly into the night or did they stay stuck to you like a parasite? Let us know in the comments below. Also, be sure to check out our other video called – Millenials vs Generation Z How do they compare. 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