Buffy the Vampire Slayer S7E14 - English Transcript

Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: - You killed your best friend. - It didn't work 'cause there wasn't enough blood. - I bet that's what the First needed Spike for. - We don't have time to baby-sit a hostage. - I'll be good. - Apparently somebody left this in the courtyard, and I was just returning it. - That's some full-service principaling. - I try. - There's gotta be a reason why the chip is going all wonky. - This chipwe can either repair it or remove it. - Robson! - Robson blacked out, but the last thing he remembers is Giles's head about to get real familiar with a Bringer's very sharp axe. It's started - I understand. I'll take care of i - It was, uh, extraordinary good luck, of course. Andand, uh, training years of training. Chao-Ahn, keep up. You're new here, Chao-Ahn, so take note. Remember about training. But I honestly feel the largest part of it was instinct. Instinct and-and reflexes. There's a sort of wary watchfulness I've developed over the years. It's like another sense Spike! - Hey! You're not in pain - Hey! You're not the First - What? Anya said you were the First. Said you were evil. You're supposed to be all go-through-able. Then what the hell did you tackle me for, you berk? What's that supposed to do? - I, uh, I didn't think of that. - More importantly, you just hit me. Why didn't your chip go off? Yeah, well Well, uh, when we were at the Initiative There was a choice. Right. Either repair the chip, or to remove it. - You had it removYou removed the chip? Yeah. - Had to make a choice. - It really is OK. - What's a chip? - They removed the chip? - I don't understand a word any of you are saying. ~ FIRST DATE ~ season 7 ep.14 - You know this is very dangerous. - Ah, you just heard the horror stories. Wear hoops, they'll catch on something, rip your lobe off. Lobes flying everywhere. That's not what I'm talking about. - You mean Spike not having a chip. Free range Spike? - I have to askwhy on Earth did you make that decision? - Guess it was instinct, like you were talking about. I made that up! I knew the Bringer was there because his shoes squeaked. Buffy, it's crucial that we keep these girls safe. I can't count the dangersthe First, the Bringers, random demons, and now Spike? - And the Principal. - What? - Oh, nothing much. He was in the school basement, holding a shovel, acting evasive. Plus, he's got that whole "too charming to be real" thing going on. I'm looking into it. Oh, well that sounds very responsible of you. Balances out the vampire-on-the-loose issue. Nothing's changed, Giles. Spike had a chip before, remember? When the First had him kill and sire all those people. We have no idea if his chip was working then. A new chip might restrain him should the First attempt to activate him again. Spike has a soul now. That's what's gonna stop him from hurting people. - BuffyHe can be a good man, Giles. I feel it. But he's never gonna get there if we don't give him the chance. Buffy, I want more for you. Your feelings for him are coloring your judgement. I can hear it in your voice. And that way lies a future filled with pain. I don't want that for you. We haven't Things have been different since he came back. - It doesn't matter if you're not physical with each other anymore. There's a connection. You rely on him, he relies on you. That's what's affecting your judgment. You think I'm losing sight of the big picture, but I'm not. When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle. It was wrong. You can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that. Well, I hope you're right. You're gambling with a lot of lives. - Hi, can I help? You seem kind of confused. You aren't wearing a green apron. - Confused, but sort of randomly observant. - Sorry, I just mean you don't work here, right? - No. Right. Just helpful. I'm Xander. Lissa. And I guess I could use some advice. I can't even figure out if I've got the right kind of rope. That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational. By which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun. In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways. - I have a kayak. - Again with the random. I like it. - Sorry. I need to store my kayak. So I was thinking maybe I could sorta suspend it from the ceiling in the garage with ropes and a pulley or a winch thing. - Not a bad plan. You'll need stronger rope than that. Wanna have coffee with me later? - What? Oh, you're the only one that gets to be random? - Now, if I were a sign of being evil, where would I be? - Buffy? Principal Wood. It's you. - You looking for something? - File folders. And mechanical pencils. Well, I want to write on a file folder with a mechanical pencil. - The supply cabinet in the outer office has those things. Oh, this isn't a supply cabinet? My bad. OK. Thanks. Hey, Buffy - Yeah? - Um, what're you doing tonight? - Preparing for tomorrow's counseling sessions. - No, really. - Watching a reality show about a millionaire. Well, then, I'd, um I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it. Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you. - Great. I'll draw up the paperwork. So, he asked you out to dinner? - Yeah. Isn't that weird? I mean, he's a Principal. He's a young, hot Principal with earrings, but he's a Principal. Why do you think he asked me out? I mean, he could be interested, right? - Yeah, sure. You're a frisky ***. - Or, it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job. Oh, right, thatthat makes sense too. - Or, maybe he knows that I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me. Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity. - You know, it's not even that he's acting that suspicious. It's justthere he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That's got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath. - Not really a shower. - A bidet. Like a bidet of evil. Buff, if he's really interested, are you interested back? I don't know. He's good-looking, and he's he's solid, he's smart, he's normal. So, not the wicked energy, which is nice 'cause I don't want to only be attracted to wicked energy. Or what if he is wicked, in which case, is that why I'm attracted to him? - I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on. You know what? Yeah, I mean I think I like him. And he'd be good for me. Right. Help you move on. Why does everybody in this house think I'm still in love with Spike? - No, I-I meant move on from this imposed super-self-reliance. Let somebody get close. Oh. Hey, someone's here. Guys, guess what happened. Buffy got a date! No, I did. Fine. Way to steal my thunder. - Sorry. If it makes you feel better, it's Principal Wood, and I think he's aligned with the First. - Also, like ten years older than you, right? Which is like 100 years younger than your type! - Yay. Someone who doesn't remember the Industrial Revolution. I think they're gonna end up making out. "Oh, Principal Wood," she'll gasp, "I love your lack of wicked energy." Watch it, or I'm gonna make you talk about your new girlfriend who you hold hands with under the dinner table and think we don't notice. - How 'bout yours, Xander. Is she evil? - Well, she's interested in me, so there's a good chance, but I'm hoping for the best. We're going for coffee. She has a kayak Dear lord, I hate that mall. The shop assistants are rude. And everything in the Food Court is sticky. - Looks like you found her some stuff. - Oh, hello. Yes. - That's gotta be rough. Getting just like pulled out of your home, being told you're a potential slayer, not being able to bring anything. - Yes, and the language barrier is formidable. I was concerned that my Mandarin is a little thin, but as it turns out, she speaks Cantonese, which is thinner. But we muddled through, and, as I suspected, ice cream is a universal language. - Like many from Asia, I am lactose intolerant. I'm very uncomfortable. What'd she say? She's grateful to be in the land of plenty. Let's, um, go and put away your new clothes. - Hey, Will, do you think you can do a computer check on Principal Wood. See if you can find anything out. - Yeah, sure. Want me to check your girl out while I'm at it, Xand? - Nope. I'm going in blind. I'm gonna be an optimist about this. Why go looking for trouble? If it's gonna find you, it's gonna find you. "Getting the most out of your new microwave."Hm. Nice. "Clock comma setting the, page 3." You don't need a manual, it's intuitive. There's a button marked "Clock Set" for pity's sake. What kind of a nerd are you? No wonder you crashed your jet pack. No, get thee behind me. I rebuke thee. Take that, The First! Look, you monkey. Ooh. Ahh. It burns as it ineffectually passes through me. I'm not corporeal, remember. Also, not a vampire, soa cross? What do you want from me, Jonathan slash The First? - I have an assignment for you. - Um, I follow Buffy's orders now. I'm redeeming myself for killing youI mean, for killing Jonathan. Really, why? So you can earn a spot on her little pep squad? You think she'll ever let you in? You're a murderer. Confidentially, a lot of her people are murderers. Anya and Willow and Spike. - Interesting. And you're the only one she makes seek redemption. Does that seem fair to you? I guess not. - You know we're headed toward a fight, don't you? - Yeah. - What do you think the world's gonna be like after that? Newsflash. There's not going to be a slayer gang anymore. But there is going to be Evil. And as long as there is Evil, I live. And as long as I live, you can dwell at my side. - That sounds nice. - Your assignment won't be hard. They're just little girls. - You want me to hurt the girls? - Uh, no, not all of them. Not Dawn, not Anya, not Willow, and not your friend Buffy. Just the potential slayers. That'sthat's horrible. I'm-I'm gonna scream andand get Buffy in here. - She can't see me, and I'm gonna keep talking until you hear what I have to say, so listen up, OK? The girls must die. I could never do that. All those girls, a-all that blood I-I didn't like the stabbing before. - You don't have to stab. This'll be easy. Andrew, I want you to think. Willow brought something to this house something good, something you can use. The new microwave? The gun. I want you to think hard. Where did they put the gun? - Hmm. I don't think it's really a date. That's what I think. - Well, it is unclear. That's why I chose a top that says, you know, I'm comfortable in a stodgy office or a swinging casual setting or killing you, you know, if you're a demon. It also says I sometimes get blood on my shoulder. Or it might be pizza. I don't think I can fix it. - Thanks for trying. - And I wasn't talking about your date anyway. I was talking about this sham date of Xander's. I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous. Well, it's not working. - Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my-my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice. Um, I should really go find something else to wear. Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. I'm also gonna pee, so you should probably go. - You look nice. Oh, thanks. Uh, traditionally, one wears something over this. - Heard you got a date. Well, it's unclear. I mean, I have this whole theory about a promotion. Or he's evil. - Buffy, I'm all right. - You don't have to - What? Be noble? I'm not. Really, I'm all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear. - Good. I'm glad. Thank you. - Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous. - You should try this too. The going out thing, I mean. I mean, there's that girl you brought to Anya and Xander's not-a-wedding. Oh, yeah, right. There's always girls who like the look bad boy, you know. Does it for some of them. - Yeah, I can see that. I should go. I don't wanna be late. Lissa! Hi. I was afraid you weren't coming. You said 8:30, right? Did you think I was going to stand you up? Well, it would be kind of karmic. - What? Forget it. I'm just glad you're here. You're gonna love the coffee. Got myself a redeyeit's black coffee with a shot of espresso. It's kinda rough if you're not used to that sort of thing It's hot cocoa. - Well, sometimes I don't sleep too good. I just lost macho points, didn't I? Hey, who wants macho? I like that you like hot cocoa. Redeye, please. Sounded good. - Nothing? No records or certificates? College transcripts? - Looks like the only stuff in the system about Principal Robin Wood is super-recent. Like, since he moved to Sunnydale. - I've Googled 'til I just can't Google no more. He's not in there. - Well, that's suspicious. - Anya, calm down. They're educational What's this? - Giles made them for Chao-Ahn, and now she's locked herself in the bathroom. There's other girls upstairs, and they're starting to complain. - Those are flashcards. I-I made them to facilitate her training. Chao-Ahn never had a watcher. The language problem - You showed her these? - I wanted her to understand the seriousness of her situation. - Holy crap! - Perhaps I'll rethink the approach. - In the meanwhile, wanna help us get researchy? We're trying to invade Buffy's date's privacy. - Buffy has a date? Yes Didn't you hear? Everybody has a date. Buffy has a date. Willow's been completely making out with this girl Hey! Xander's out with some hardware-store-***. It's Date Fest 2003. - Actually, Buffy's investigating Principal Wood. It's not a date. - Really. - Might be a date. - For God's sake! How can anyone think about their social life? We are about to fight the original primal evil. These girls are in mortal danger. Didn't you see the flashcards? This isn't right. This isn't right. I know it doesn't look promising, but I swear this place is great. It's the best kept secret in town. It's just right down this way. - Well, it is one of the nicer dark alleys. - I promise you, it's just a little bit further. - OK You set me up, you son of a What? I guess we should talk. The restaurant's right there. - And you still have to see her, like, everyday? - Yeah, but I guess that's good. - How is that a good thing? I mean, it seems like she never let you forget what happened. - Well, it's on her mind a lot right now because our anniversary's coming up I mean, it would have been our anniversary. And maybe I shouldn't be allowed to forget it. I didit was a bad thing, and it hurt her real bad. - And if you'd gone ahead and married her, even though you had doubts, that would've been better? - I guess not. Sounds to me like, in the long run, you're both better off. I know it turned out good for me, and that's what really matters, right? I should have taken you on a nicer date than this. Well, I can think of something fun to do. Thank you. - This place is nice. How the hell did you do that? I've had a little practice. Never took on two at once before, but I have taken out a vamp here or there. And some demons. - So, you're freelance? Hm freelance I guess that's a good way to put it. - And you know who I am? - You're the slayer. - Right. OK, um, so I'm guessing that you don't work in an office - Well, I actually do enjoy the work, but yeah. Yeah, you're right. I maneuvered myself into that school, that office just like I maneuvered you there. The hell mouth draws the bad things in close, and now we're headed for something big, Buffy. Really big, and I need to be here when it happens. I want to help. - So, y-you didn't hire me for my counseling skills? They're valuable too. - Wh-why didn't you tell me about you? - I wasn't sure about things yet. - Y-you didn't think you could trust me? - No, no. No, I wasn't sure I was ready yet ready to jump into this fight. - And now you are? - Well, now the fight is startingor starting to start and I don't have time to worry anymore. I have to do something. - So, you knew who I was before you even came here. - Yes. - How? How do you know about slayers? Right. OK. See, when I was a little boy, my mother was one. The one, actuallythe slayer. Your mother Wow, I didn't know that any slayers had children. - Well, I don't know of any others. She was killed when I was four. I still remember her, but it's a littlefuzzy? You know? Um, something got her a demon? - A vampire. Oh, man, I went through this whole "avenging son" phase in my twenties, but I never found him. So, now I just dust as many of them as I can find. I figure, eventually I'll get him. That's probably why we got jumped outside. I'm not very popular with the bumpy-foreheaded crowd, and I bet you aren't either. No. Not most of them. Um, so, do you have any slayer powers? I'm sorry, II'm just so floored. I-I have no idea what to ask. - No, I don't have powers. No super-strength or mythic responsibilities. I'm just a guy with a few skills 'cause her watcher took me in and raised me. - So, you decided to tell me? - That's right. - In a darkened, little romantic French restaurant? Um, yeah Yeah, I'm not really sure how that happened, but yeah. - Did you find the gun? - Yes, it was in Buffy's underwear drawer. She has nice things. - Show me. - Well, I didn't take 'em, but there were thongs and regular underpants Show me the gun. Oh. Here. Willow tried shooting Kennedy with that. - Great. There's gonna be panic and fleeing when you start firing, so you're gonna have to get them trapped someplace like the basement. - And we're killing them because? - Because they're the future of the slayer line. When they're gone, the line is gone. - Uh-huh, uh-huh. Um, so why not have Spike do it? He's the one with the trigger. - It's not time for him yet. You can wait for the next time they're training in the basement, but don't rely on a locked door to keep them in. You'll need more. OK. Say, um, do you have any weaknesses I should know about if I'm gonna work for you, like, uh, kryptonite or allergies? - What are you asking? Oh, nothing, um Are you are you made out of the evil impulses of humans, so if everyone was unconscious at the same time, you would fade away? - You're asking a lot of questions. Yes, well, I, uh, because 'cause I'm evil, and I want to do the best I can at that, so I want to know stuff like whenwhen do we kill Buffy? - Are you wearing a wire? - Whwhat's going on? You think you can trick the First? You think you could squirm free? I hold you, Andrew. I made you do this Jonathan suffered. He was your friend, and he trusted you, and now he spends eternity in pain because of what you did. - No. What's happening to you? - This is what you did to him. Took away everything he was and left him like this. You started down a road with that action. You have to keep going. - Stop looking like Jonathan. You're not him. You're the First, and you're trying to get me to shoot innocent girls, but I won't do it. I'm good now. When the fight is over, I'm gonna pay for killing Jonathan. You're gonna pay for more than that. Do you know why? Because the biggest, baddest First Evil in the world's angry with you. You think this was smart? Wait. I'm hearing something. - You think you can trick me, women? It's not in the headphones. It's out here. - You only hear what I want you to hear. You only see what I want you to see. - I knew it. - See? I knew it. - Thanks for your help selecting the ropes. The one I picked wasn't strong enough. - Yeah, that would've been bad. Listen, is this because I'm friends with Buffy? - Who's Buffy? - The slayer. - You know the slayer? This can't just happen. It can't just keep happening that demon women find me attractive. There's gotta be a reason. - You just seem like a nice guy, that's all. And I wanted to get to know you. - And kill me? Sure. Do the ropes hurt? - Yes. Good. So, we're thinking it didn't go too well. You should've let me do this fast. No, no, no. I hate that. Ow. - You tried to recall the ultimate evil? Why? In a complex effort to royally *** it off? - Guess we succeeded pretty good, huh? God, I never should have gone in wired. Redemption is hard. - Getting back to Spike's question, why did you try to recall it? - Ooh! - To study it. To see if we could figure something out from what it was saying. Because, guys, we have to face it, we know nothing about the First. - Owie! Ow ow! - Well, we know not to record it. That's something. Why did it appear to this one, then? I thought it was supposed to be pulling my strings. It said it wasn't time for you yet. Ow. I'm frightened. And my chest hurts where the tape was. - It's OK, Andrew. You did good. You stood up to it. That's really amazing. - Thank you. You're a peach. - Yeah. What did it want you to do, anyway? - Shoot all the girls. Shoot girls? - Not you, just the potentials. Oh, well that's something, anyway. Something tragic. - This proves my point. This time is crucial. We should be circling the wagons instead of doing things like going out on dates when when gunplay is imminent. Willow, call Buffy. Get her back here. We need to dispose of the gun and-and figure out our next move. - I'll go get her. I'll call. - Bet that's her. Sometimes you're thinking about calling someone No, it's a text message. Oh, it's from Xander. It's one of our signals. - Signals? - Yeah, the system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one's either "I just got lucky, don't call me for a while" or "my date's a demon who's trying to kill me." - You don't remember which? - It was a long time ago. - Well, if we play the percentages - Something's eating Xander's head. - Say, that's gratifying. - Buffy will know what to do. I'll go get her. That's ok. We don't even know where she went. That's not good. I'll go get Buffy. I can probably still track her scent. She'll be worried about the boy. - Oh, my God! Mmm. Oh, my God. That might be the best thing I've ever had in my mouth. Isn't it good? They soak the pears in brandy. Here, you need a bite with sauce. Mm. What are you doing here? Is there a problem? - It's Xander. - Look, I know what happens if that seal down there gets all excited. I don't think you understand what you're getting yourself into. - The seal opens, and a vicious feral vampire creature comes out. - Well, then you do understand. But, uh, what makes you think that's, like, a good idea? - The end is coming. The final fight, and everyone is hearing the drumbeat. It's telling us to pick our partners, align ourselves with the good or the evil. - You sure he's in the high school? - Willow did a locator spell. Usual stuff. - I'm not surprised. That school's at the center of everything. How much longer 'til we get there? Ten minutes. So, how do you two know each other? He works with me. Uh, you know, in the struggle against evil. - Mm. Cool. - Xander! - Buffy! - He's a vampire. - Oh, God! Hurry! - I think your friend's gonna be OK. - Hey, Xand. I'm here. So, how's your date going? - Where are they? It's after 2. I can't believe Buffy hasn't brought him home yet. I thought you were all angry at him. - My feelings are changeable but intense. - I understand your fear, Anya. I know fear myself 'cause, you know, I, um, I enraged that primal force. They're not back yet? I'm worried. I-I think we should go find them. Xander could be injured or trapped or eaten up. It is late. Perhaps a little reconnaissance might be helpful. - Why is everyone up? Are the flashcard monsters attacking? She says she can't sleep. Um, I made myself some warm milk. You can have it. - You're trying to kill me! - She's shy. They're back! Oh, here they come. Xander all right? - Looks OK. - Damn him! - What happened? What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay. What? - You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it? Captain Archer - Come on, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here. What if you just start attracting male demons? Clem always liked you. It would serve you right. - Children, enough. - I'd need some stylish new clothes. Enough! Have you learned nothing from tonight's assorted chaos? There isn't time for fun and games and quips about orientation. Thesethese aren't a joke. Thisthis happens. Girls are going to die. We may die. It's time to get serious. - Did anybody tell you about what happened around here tonight? - Willow did. The First is back in the mix. - It, uh, it talked to the little boy. Said it wasn't time for me yet. I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me. - No, you have to stay. - You've got another demon fighter now. - That's not why I need you here. - Is that right? Why's that then? - 'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here. And the Principal? How's he fit in? - You look good. - You're not my mother. - I give you a compliment, and you don't say thank you? Did I raise you that way? - You didn't raise me at all. - Well, I was dead. So, you're the First. Why are you here? Why now? - 'Cause you've been coming up in the world taking the demons out. It makes a mother proud. Yeah? Well, think how pleased she'll be when I help take you out. Until it's time for that, I've got no use for you. Would you like to know who killed me? I know you went looking for him. You don't know anything. - Is that right? Well, you can check it out after I tell you. Check the timing. Re-read what the witnesses said, and the people in the subway station - Who is it? - You met him. You know him. You fought at his side. - Spike. Now, what do you say? Thank you. bigmarius@bigmarius.com