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Agathon: Hey Keltie, don't we have Contracts right now?
Keltie: Nope, Contracts is cancelled. Penney's missing.
Catherine: Who's Penney?
Agathon: Huh. I thought they only did this for kids.
Agathon: Anyway, it’s a good thing you told me.
It would suck if I actually found him and then couldn’t claim the reward because of that whole unilateral offer thing.
Keltie: What unilateral offer thing?
Agathon: You know, R. v. Clarke.
You can't claim a reward unless you knew it was being offered in the first place,
so he didn't get any money for helping to solve the ***.
Keltie: Clarke didn't get any money because he helped commit a ***.
Look at Williams v. Cawardine. Courts don’t want to give money to murderers.
Agathon: But if we go back to Carlill v. Carbolic Smoke Ball...
Catherine: Oh my god, shut up! Nobody cares. I'm trying to watch Law and Order!
Agathon: Let’s go.
Catherine: God, I hate 1Ls...
V/O: So, here's what you missed last time on Gleegal:
Dawson celebrated his 33rd birthday, but didn't invite the girls in his class to the party,
so Amelia talked to Professor Wildeman who told them that they couldn't launch a human rights complaint against him because his party was not a service customarily offered to the public.
But Amelia was really upset, so she went to Professor Penney to ask him whether she could sue Dawson for breaching their friendship contract.
She couldn't find Penney, so she went to Saunders instead and he said there is no tort of discrimination.
So now Amelia has locked herself in one of the library's study rooms as part of the OCCUPY WELDON movement.
She's exercising her right to freedom of expression under section 2 of the Charter, but Wildeman told her the Charter doesn't apply to universities.
Now the Dean is threatening to prosecute Amelia under the provincial Petty Trespass Act.
...and that's what you missed on Gleegal!
Amelia: Oh my God! That burns!
Andrew: I thought you could use some coffee!
Amelia: Seriously? That’s like assault.
Jon: Yeah, and that's battery!
Andrew: You're such a LAWYER!
Saunders: Have you ever committed a tort?
Don’t worry, we all have.
Just remember that cases like Garratt v. Dailey say
that you can be held liable no matter how little you are,
as long as you know that what you did was wrong.
So remember to ask your mommy and daddy who the good lawyers in your neighbourhood are.
You know, there are even torts in the Neighbourhood of Make-Believe.
Well, hi, Alf! Do you have a question for me about torts?
Alf: Yeah, is it a tort if someone sticks a hand up your butt and wiggles it around to make you talk?
Girl: I dreamed a dream in time gone by
Before I ever came to law school
I dreamed that I was worth a “B”
I dreamed that profs would be forgiving
[sobbing]
[unintelligible wailing]
V/O: This Sunday...
V/O: The Dean of the Schulich School of Law
is going undercover...
Dean: Well, I’m just so excited. Imagine, getting invited to their party of ideas!
Dean: I just hope I can meet their level of commitment...
Dean: Plus, it really is a thrill to be undercover!
Student: Hey Dean!
Students: Morning Dean!
Student: Hi Dean Brooks!
Student: I like your wig!
V/O: New UNDERCOVER PROF, this Sunday on D-A-L.
Martin: I’ll take "Superheroes and the Law" for $1000.
Host: Answer:
Host: Professor Williams-Lorde?
Williams-Lorde: Batman.
Host: Ooh, I’m sorry, you must phrase your response in the form of a question.
Williams-Lorde: Well, really, if we look at this from a restorative justice perspective,
we’re really talking about the same thing.
Here, let’s get in a circle and discuss it...
Host: Professor Martin?
Martin: Uh, WHO is Batman?
Host: Correct. Martin, you choose the next category.
Martin: Well, given my experience as a Crown prosecutor,
I’ll take Canadian Government for 400 Kit Kat ® bars.
Host: Very well. Answer:
Host: Professor Currie?
Currie [singing]: What are section 91 and section 92?
Host: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. Could you repeat that without singing?
Currie [singing]: No.
Host: Well, you may select again anyway.
Currie [singing]: I’ll take Professors for $200.
Host: Okay, this is a picture clue.
Host: This man used to be Oxford’s shining star before coming to Schulich to teach Contracts.
[time out buzzer]
Host: Who is Jonathon Penney? Jonathon Penney.
Currie [singing]: Never heard of him.
V/O: From the producers of Survivor...
A show of superhuman strength, despair, and perseverance.
LRW!
Find out what happens when alliances are formed...
Kylan: Has anyone seen the book for Civil Procedures?
Jess: Yeah, I for sure saw that. I’ll definitely help.
V/O: ...tempers run high...
V/O: ...and alliances break down.
Jess: Sorry, um, I really got to get to class, but good luck!
Kylan: Thanks.
Becky: So, um, is this the right amendment?
Is this the amendment to the thing that I’m supposed to amend?
[grunting]
V/O: Just when you think that the contestants couldn’t take anymore, there is a twist!
Mark Lewis: We actually have no idea what the right answer is.
Allison: I have a pre-possessory interest!
Jess: Popov v. Hayashi is bad law!
Kylan: I want to go home. I don’t want to be here anymore!
Becky: It could just be anything, you know, just give me any kind of sign.
It could be a yawn.
Okay, okay, I see. If it’s the right answer, don’t do ANYTHING.
Becky: Get in line!
V/O: For the first time in LRW history...
Keith: Hey guys, I found Civil Proced-
AAGH!
Keith: [panicked whimpering]
Other students: [tiger growls]
V/O: One library. Infinite number of resources.
V/O: And zero idea of what to do with them.
Becky: FREEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOM!
Old Spice Guy: Look at your section. Now back to me.
Now back to your section. Now back to me.
Sadly your not section isn’t me. But your section could be like me
if your section were Section C.
Where am I? I’m among the section your section could be like.
Section C is the breeding ground for the finest lawyers,
all born by C-section.
Look here, I’ve got a milk carton. Look down, look up -
The milk carton is now Dean Brooks.
Anything can happen when you’re in Section C.
I’m riding the curve.
Wildeman: Welcome, students, to Divination!
I am Professor Wildeman.
Today we’re going to be learning about the most difficult and imprecise branch of magic:
divining how human rights tribunals make their decisions!
Shira: Should we look at previous tribunal decisions?
Wildeman: No.
Andrew: Should we apply complicated tests to complex and unrealistic hypothetical situations?
Wildeman: Of course not! That’s ridiculous!
We’re going to look at tea leaves!
Agathon: Tea leaves?
Wildeman: Yes! So, pour your tea,
stir it three times counter-clockwise, drink it, then turn your cup upside down,
and turn to page 33 in your supplementary materials to see a list of the shapes you should be looking for.
Shira: Uh, Professor, we never got those materials.
Wildeman: Are you sure? I posted them on OWL.
Oh well, we’ll do that next class. For now, let’s switch to statutory interpretation.
Can you please open your copies of Unfogging Judicial Decisions for the Future?
Andrew: So should we closely analyze what the judges are saying in these decisions?
Wildeman: All you have to do is wave your wand like so... tap the decision in front of you and say:
"Expressio Unius!"
And if the decision glows blue, then we know it means that the judges interpreted that the legislature does not legislate in vain
and they took a very plain meaning approach to the text.
Agathon: And if it doesn’t glow blue?
Wildeman: Ah! Then you tap the decision and say:
"L’Heureux-Dubé!"
And if the decision turns red, then you know they took a purposive approach. But that’s next class!
For now, I want you to practice the spells I’ve given you already!
Andrew: "Expressio Unius"!
Nothing happened.
Shira: You’re saying it wrong. It’s "expressi-O U-nius".
Wildeman: Good job!
I divine that you love dogs and own four poodles!
Agathon: "Expressio Unius"!
Wildeman: I’m so glad you guys are competent!
Wildeman: I divine that you will always live at home with your parents!
Andrew: I’ve got it! "Expressio Unius"!
Wildeman: Wonderful!
I divine that you have a recurring nightmare that no one will ever love you!
Andrew: ...What?
Wildeman: OK, we have a lot left to do today. Let’s move on.
Agathon: Uh, Professor Wildeman?
Agathon: Class ended five minutes ago.
Wildeman: No, just one more minute! Wait!
VICTIMS! VICTIMS! VICTIMS!
I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT MANY VICTIMS CALL ME THEIR LAST RESORT.
I TAKE THE PROPERTY CASES THAT OTHER PROFESSORS ARE TOO SCARED TO TAKE!
Is your pesky grandmother trying to prevent you from inheriting her estate?
Did someone infringe the copyright on your Bora Laskin biography?
Did your classmate misappropriate your personality on his t-shirt?
I’M GONNA GET YOU ALL THE CHATTELS THAT YOU DESERVE!
I'M PHIL, THE HAMMERRRRRRR, GIRARD!
902-494-2814!
Hi, I’m Sarah McLachlan.
Please say you’ll be the answer for an innocent law student who is suffering right now.
Students are subjected to freezing temperatures in room 105...
...long days at the library...
...and sleepless nights.
Dawson: Saint John Tugboat!
Sarah: The stress, long hours spent reading, and the weight of crushed dreams triggered by law school
have actually been known to speed up the aging process.
Brent: [old man noises]
Sarah: These students are forced to assume celibate lifestyles,
or else face incredibly awkward post-Domus Friday morning encounters.
Sarah: These students need your help.
Call in the next 30 minutes, and we’ll send you a picture of an innocent law student in need.
Sarah: Please, adopt a law student today.
[singing: "Some Nights" by fun.] Some nights I stay up crashing in the James Dunn
Some nights I go to the Dome
Some nights I wish my profs could explain the ratio
Some nights I wish they'd just shut up
But I still wake up, I still see my profs
Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what Denning stands for, oh
What does he stand for? What does he stand for?
Penney: Most nights I don't know anymore...
Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh
This is it, class, this is war - What are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe in rights That’s the tribunal’s fight
They try twice as hard and are half as liked But here they come again to jack my style
That's alright
I found a factum in my bed tonight
It stops my heart, and I’m wondering... Will I, will I, will I pass, oh, will I pass?
Mmm-mmm... Mmm-mmm...
Catherine: Well, at least they didn’t do "Gangnam Style"...
Subtitles by Keith Lehwald