A Bucket Full of Homestuck Act II: Anime USA 2012 (CAPTIONED)

(Karkat) Welcome aboard the S.S. Time Maid, in the dream bubble convention from hell. (Karkat) Where is the buffet, you ask? (Karkat) What kind of entertainment should you be expecting on your journey? Is there a spa package included? (Karkat) I suggest you direct all questions and concerns to our pilot. (Aradia) Welcome everyone, and thank you for flying Air Megido! To begin with, letís lay down a few simple rules. (Aradia) Firstly, please remember that this discussion must stay rated PG-13! (Aradia) Any foul or suggestive language attracts the red miles, and we don't want to see another textbook impaling, am I right? (Aradia) Secondly, please remain seated at all times, and behave in a calm and orderly fashion. (Aradia) I donít want to lose anyone to the void of space if we hit any turbulence! (Aradia) In the event that you have to exit the dream bubble, please be courteous to the dreamers around you. (Aradia) Lastly, several members of our group have met their unfortunate demise due to stabbings, beatings, beheadings, and explosions. (Aradia) Please be sensitive about their decidedly dead state. (Sollux) Half-dead state, thank you. (Karkat) And please direct your question only ONE of us at a time. We don't need you addressing half the known universe in a single stuttering breath. (Karkat) Hey, do you have anything you want to add? (John) Actually I-- (Karkat) A rule maybe about wearing stupid hats? (Karkat) Or would you perhaps like to make a rule about what kind of confectionaries we can or cannot eat? (Karkat) Maybe youíd like to take every rule that we've already made, throw them all out the window and further this mockery of an organized meetup? (John) You know what? No. (Karkat) Wow, okay. Somebody has his ridiculous hood in a knot today. (Karkat) I have one more rule that I want to add. Letís try to avoid any shipping and quadrant questions, okay? (Karkat) We've had a lot of break ups, make ups, messy vacillations-- (John) DAVESPRITE, YOU TOOL! YOU WERE OUR ROCK! (John) It's not fair! Why aren't YOU mad!? I'm still mad. (Karkat) Do you see what I mean? (Jade) Donít mind him, Karkat. Heís feeling cranky and pubescent today. (John) WOW RUDE! (Karkat) Pubescent. Okay. Thatís way more information than any of us needed to know. (Karkat) Anyway, I'm not gunna drag this out for fifteen million sweeps unlike some people that I know. (Stares down Kankri) (Karkat) So, let's go on and answer some questions. (John) I guess. If you want. (Karkat) Raise your hands guys. (John) Litterer. (Karkat) Oh please. Q: Karkat, what do you do, like, when Kankri's talking like what... Are you just like, taking it, or have you ever just like... You've had enough and you've said it, or if you've punched him through a wall or something? (John) Or like, or like, or like, or like. (Karkat) Sh-Shut up! (Karkat) Sorry, can you say that question again, because I did not understand a word. Q: How do you react when Kankri's like dragging on and on and on? (Karkat) Um, well...................................... Q: Something like that, I believe! (Gamzee) Seems about right. :o) (Karkat) Shut up... Yeah. Q: John, now that you think that Nic Cage sucks, who's your new favorite actor? (John) Did you really have to bring that up? Did you seriously just say that? (John) It's still kind of a sensitive topic if you didn't notice. Let's move onto something else that isn't stupid. (Karkat) Okay... Q: Gamzee, are the vents comfortable? (Gamzee) I mean, I ain't saying all too good for out here, but it's good for uh, avoiding certain somethings that have some woven devices that are rather intimidating. (Karkat) Gamzee, are you okay? (Gamzee) Yeah... (Karkat) Okay... Q: John, Who spat in your bean curd today? (John) Excuse me? Q: Who spat in your bean curd today? (John) What's bean curd? It sounds like something stupid that no one should ever ingest, ever. (Karkat) It's like grub curry. (John) What's grub curry? (Karkat) You know what, never mind. I'm trying to explain it's not working. (Aradia) Delicious! (Karkat) What she said. Q: (Cronus) Eridan. What's your juiciest topic of gossip that you'd had with Karkat? (Eridan) Juiciest topic of gossip... Well, why would I even tell you? That's obviously... confidential? Q: Because I'm rather curious about what my dancestor has been talking about with someone who seems to like to go on the topics that seem rather... problematic. (Feferi) You weren't talking about me again are you? (Eridan) I wouldn't talk about YOU! (John) ... Wow rude. (Jade) John! If youíre not going to play nice, maybe you shouldnít be a part of this! (John) Aghhhhhhhhh! Iím not even being mean! (Jade) You're being the meanest! Listen, just because youíre having a tough time doesnít mean you get to take it out on everyone else. Youíre really bringing everyone down. (John) Like anyone actually cares. None of this really matters anyway! Itís all some fakey fake dream bubble crap weíre all doing to pass the time until we can see each other for real. (Karkat) Ugh! Shut up John. Harleyís right, as usual. (John) What? (Jade) Oh wow, thanks Karkat! (Jade) But seriously mister, Iíve had it up to here with your attitude problems. (John) What is this some sort of attitude intervention? (Dave) Yo, let me get in on this. Weíre here for you, bro. And not a single fist bump will be given though, until you get yourself on the road to recovery. (Dave) You gotta get back on the wagon, man. And... lemme just get my ìbest cry everî impression- (Rose) I donít think that will be necessary. But in all seriousness, John. Lighten up. Weíre here to have fun. (John) Gosh... I guess Iíve just got so used to being frustrated that I forgot what I wanted anyway was to just... see you guys. I miss you all a ton. (John) And here I am ruining the time that we do have together, Iím sorry! (Sollux) WOW. You wanna know what I'm really glad I can't see right now? Emotions being dropped all over the floor. You wanna hand me a mop, AA? (Aradia) I'm not actually a maid! (Karkat) Oh my gosh, no. He's completely right. This is stupid. Just forget it. Back to questions! (John) How about, you. Q: Nepeta, what type of tea are you drinking? (Nepeta) This is some delicious, 100%, milky, with extra milk; Chamomeowile. (Nepeta) I like it so much better than Rawrjeeling. It's so hoity toity. (Nepeta) OWWW! RUDE! (Vriska) What? (Karkat) STOP. (John) Okay then... Anyone else have a question? On the floor back there? Yeah, you. Q: Okay. Would you all dance for us? (Karkat) You can only-- Thank you that one. (John) One question at a time for one person. Q: Okay. Would KARKAT dance for us? (Gamzee) I wouldn't mind-- (Karkat) NO. (John) SPOIL SPORT! (Karkat) No! They thou- No! This is stupid! This is the stupides-- (John dancing) (John) WHAT NOW?!?!?! (John) Wow, now I'm having fun! (John) Your face is great. Anyone else have a question? Go ahead (Karkat begrudgingly dancing) Q: John, could you sing us a song to go with your little dance? (John) Ohhh! Well... (John) I... Can't really do a song unless I have my duet partner. (Turns to Vriska) (In unison) I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, Cause I'd miss you babe, And I don't want to miss a thing. Cause even when I dream of you, The sweetest dream will never do, I'd still miss you babe, And I don't want to miss a thing! (John) Get it? 'Cause even when I dream of you,' cause like... Dream bubbles. (Dave) Yo, Dave Strider, he was just 13, when he prototyped-- Q: Alright, bro. Come on, you gotta outshine these two, show off your sick rhymes. (Gamzee) MAKE IT STOP! (Karkat) Shhhhh.... (John) We're gunna move on, because someone was obviously emotionally scarred by that... Right here? Q: Aradia, where did you learn to shoot people double pistols and a wink? (Aradia) Where did I learn to shoot people? Q: Double pistols and a wink! (Aradia) Oh! You know. It just sorta-- Oops. (Aradia) It sort of comes naturally, you know like. *clicking sounds, winking at Sollux* (Aradia) He can't see anything but, you know! (John) Okay guys... Q: Hi, I'm Mami Tomoe and my friend Kyuubei would like to ask Dave if he would like to become a magical girl. (Rose) Yes. (Dave) What Rose said? She knows best. (John) Anything you've ever wanted, Dave. Anything. (Rose) Oh, well if he's agreeable, then I change my mind. (Jade) I think you'd make a great magical girl! (Dave) Thank you, Jade. Do I get a cape? There we go. (John) Hehehe, we're moving one. Q: (Mindfang) VRISKA SERKET. Sit up a little straighter and then perhaps you can call yourself the decendant of Marquise Spinneret Mindfang. (Vriska) Wow, rude... I thought you'd be a lot cooler. (Eridan) I told you she wasn't interesting at all... (Mindfang) You're one to talk. Now tell me. Did he let you bleed to death slowly? (John) I don't get it! (Karkat) I don't want to know the answer to that question. (John) Yeah, let's move on. I've decided. TENSION! Moving on... Q: Equius. Have you met Horuss yet? (Equius) He is quite the... Exquisite Ancestor... (John) Ha Ha, CREEPY. Q: What happened to all the consorts? (John) I'm sorry? Q: All the salamanders, and nakadiles, and... (John) Oh! We uh-- When Jade kinda shrunk the planets down, I think this is how it worked anyway, they were all on the planets with us. (John) So, now they're off with us on the yellow yard doing the awesome journey here, journey-- that sucks a lot. (Jade) Don't worry, they're all okay. Yes! (John) They're all fine (Rose) I hope that includes Viceroy von Salamancer. (John) ... You mean Casey? (Rose) ... If you insist. (John) I insist. Names are very important. (Rose) Okay. (John) Even if I don't like that movie anymore. (Karkat) Okay, whatever, shut up. (Feferi) Whale, being dead puts a lot of things in perspective. And, you know, I... I don't want to blame him. (Feferi) There were a lot of things that were said, and maybe I jumped a little bit to conclusions-- And so did he, so don't think you're let off so easily... (Feferi) But... We got into a little fight until you know... I was kinda happy! (Feferi) The dream bubbles worked! Everything I tried to put together for everyone was successful! And... I'm pretty pleased about that! (Feferi) So. The fact we got a second chance at all was sorta worth it. (Karkat) So that means I get to wear this stupid hat in your dream bubbles, thank you so much, I'm really happy about that. Q: Terezi, what does Gamzee smell like? (Terezi) Grape and polka-dots. (John) Okay then... (Karkat) Okay... (John) Over here on the end? Q: Tavros. How's finding precious for you? (Tavros) SSHH! NO! No. Don't tell. Don't tell! Shhh! (John) Hehehehehe... (Tavros) It's a secret. (Vriska) When have you had time to do anything without me around? (John) All the way in the back? Q: Tavros. How was it being all prototyped merged with Vriska? (Tavros) We... We don't like to talk about it? (John) Well! Then let's not talk about it! Over here? Q: Aradia. If you could spend one day with Indiana Jones, what would you do? (Aradia) Oh... I'm sorry what? I was busy thinking about prototyping still! (John) WAY TO PAY ATTENTION! (Aradia) If I could spend one day with who? Sorry? Q: Indiana Jones. (Aradia) I'm sorry... I... You mean-- (Aradia and Karkat) TROLL Indiana Jones? (Aradia) Oh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Well, I... My lusus and I, we didn't actually have a cathode ray tube displaying device. So I've never actually seen those films. (Aradia) Uhm, but to be honest, I think they're kind of boring. Why would you want to WATCH adventures when you could actually GO OUT and adventure? (Karkat) What if he was REAL? What would you do then? (Aradia) ADVENTURE! (John) What if. What if we never find out? Uhm... Anybody else? Over here. Q: Son, I am proud of you, but are you proud of yourself? (John) ... Dad? (John) I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! (Aradia) DREAM BUBBLES! (John) I don't think I'm prepared for this! (Karkat) Alright, um. So apparently John is... Hiding behind a wing, okay whatever. (Grimdark) (Rose) That's how it's going to end up sounding the entire time, BUT. Find a friend. (John) I had some tea, I'm better now... Q: Aradia, did you ever get to have your corpse party? (Aradia) Oh, well, Yea! I even brought the party hats and everything! (Sollux) You brought party hats? (Aradia) Yeah I got one for you. too! Here you go. (Aradia) It doesn't stay though... (String on hat snaps) (Karkat) That was beautiful. I really appreciate that moment. (John) Well, let's move on, since no one cares... HAHAHAHA It got stuck on her hood! (Aradia) Shut up! (laughing) (Feferi)You know, I think itís just so glubbiní sweet that we're all sitting around and getting along like this! Itís like we really put our fishues behind us and learned how to communicate like adults! (Eridan) Yeah, some of our issues maybe. (Feferi) Hm? What do you mean? (Eridan) I just mean, maybe not all our issues have all of our issues all sorted out all neat an tidy just like that. (Eridan) Thereís a lot of bad blood around this reef, some of it on my hands! (Feferi) Oh Eridan! You know I donít blame you for all that stabby magical explosion mess, and neither does anyone else! (Feferi) Or, I don't think so... but regardless, all those prawnblems are off the table for today! (Eridan) That means everybody is just puttiní on a stupid fakey fake mask and playiní nice! Now I got to sit here with everybody hatiní me secretly and act like it itís not even a thing! (Karkat) Eridan. No one hates you. Get over yourself. (Eridan) But what about all the killiní and bad vibes an' stuff? (Vriska) What old new! It's not like anyone cares about all the terrible things you did! (Eridan) The terrible stuff I did?! (Feferi) The terrible stuff HE did?! (John) Haha wow, what happened to all that peace and harmony stuff all the sudden? (Karkat) Not all of us can group hug our problems away, okay? (John) Or TEA all of our problems away... (Eridan) A hug might... be... kinda... nice... though... (Karkat) Oh, you want a hug? How about we can dole out physical affection like a bunch of attention starved cuddlebeasts LATER. In the meantime, I think we have a few ques-- (Nepeta) AHEM! Exmews me! (Karkat) Ughhhh, what now? (Nepeta) Karkitty. AC thinks Mr. Ampurra would have a better time if he took a break and joined in the tea party! (Karkat) I thought you said the tea party would not help. (Nepeta) Try some soothing Chamomeowile! Itís so relaxing. (Equius) It is an especially STRONG brew. I am feeling most relaxed and rejuvenated. (Nepeta) I think this is a great oppurrtunity for everyone to furgive and furget and lay down their claws. (Nepeta) Why, Iíve almost completely furgotten all about the silly old squabbles we had in the past! (Equius) The horsing around, (Nepeta) The cat fights, (Equius) The neigh saying, (Nepeta) Everybody got pretty crazy for a while! (Equius) Things are much more stable now. Dying puts many things into perspective and allows us to see what is truly important. (Nepeta) Aw, Equius! After prowling around dream bubbles for so long, holding grudges gets hard. (Nepeta) Even if they are against a big dumb face paint covered excuse for a scratching post whoís blood pusher I would like to put between MY TEETH- (Equius) STRONG PAP! Nepeta. Remember your breathing exercises. (Nepeta) Oh... Thank you Equius. Oh... Deep breaths. 1, 2, 3.... OTP... (Karkat) Why am I surrounded by crazy girls?! (John) Okay! We'll stop, we'll stop, I'm not a girl, but I can keep teasing you right? (John) Heh heh... That was embarrassing. (Karkat) What? Q: What would you say your fondest memory of your lusus was? (Karkat) What-- Wait, who are you asking? (They point to him) (Karkat) Well, okay. I mean, as long as we're talking about this kind of stuff, there was that time where he piggy-backed me around the hive. (Karkat) He tried to take me outside, which was fun, but then I got kind of nervous. I started crying because I thought I saw the sun coming up. And he took me back inside and he gave me a bath, and it was great. (John) Karkat that's so sweet! (Karkat) I don't wanna hear it from you, shut up! (John) That's so sweet! (Karkat) NO! (John) Sweet! (Jade) Karkat, when did you get so precious? (Nepeta) PURRecious! (John) Ah, Okay, anybody have anything? Everyone's so quiet today, geeze. All the way in the back! Q: (Jake cosplayer) Dave, you look rather familiar, do you have any siblings? (John) WOAH! Rude! Excuse you. Wasn't there a rule about being sensitive to untimely deaths? Q: I... I don't-- (John) Sit down. (Karkat) Thank. You. (John) Let's have a non-triggering question. (John) You look harmless. Q: Kanaya, which of the godtier outfits do you think is the most fashionable? (Kanaya) Well, I do have a penchant for the color orange and yellow. (Kanaya) I do think it's quite enjoyable, although as a space aspect player, I have to enjoy the witch's outfit quite a bit. (Kanaya) The colors do flatter her very much. The red is... An interesting choice. (Kanaya) I believe it's pulled off better on some than others. And blue is... It's nice. It's very windy. (John) I have the best hood. (Karkat) No, it's pretty stupid. (John) I have the best. Hood. (Karkat) You definitely have the stupidest hood. (Karkat) Okay, anyway. Q: Kanaya, what is your favorite thing that you learned about humans so far? (Kanaya) Oh, I was given quite a few books by Rose to study up on human culture. It was incredibly interesting to read. Some of them were stranger than others. (Kanaya) The human rainbow drinker customs are very... Interesting. I believe we had an equivelent, but not entirely. It was... Twilight I believe? I didn't quite enjoy it. (Rose) I read that for strictly ironic purposes. (Kanaya) The human versions of rainbow drinkers are much more violent then I imagined. (Kanaya) I drink blood, I do not break legs. I just... (Karkat) You don't think it's-- (Kanaya) I have never broken a leg. (Kanaya) I have just done... other things... (John) I feel like this is a tense moment that we should skip over as quickly as possible! (John) Alright! Who has a happy question maybe? (ALL OF THE HANDS GO DOWN) WOOOOW! (John) Okay the hood is kinda dumb. (Karkat) Told you! Hahahahaha! (John) You all the way in the back. Q: Jade. (Jade: Yeah?) Q: Does Davesprite really have a ghost butt? (John) Yes he does! He's got a ghost butt! A ghost butt! ... It's a ghost butt. (Jade) It's not a ghost butt! (John) HOW DOES HE POOP? (Jade) No, there must be-- (John) How does he poop if he has a ghost butt? (Dave) I don't want to talk about this anymore. (Karkat) SHUT UP. Stupid question and stupid answer. (John) It's not a stupid answer! Wait, there wasn't even an answer! I still do not know how he poops if he has a ghost butt! (Dave) Stop wondering! (Karkat) Nobody needs to know how-- (Dave) Stop thinking about it. (Karkat) Thank you. For once Strider has a point. Shut up. (John) You in the front. You look also harmless. Maybe. Q: Gamzee. Why don't you go visit Karkat? I mean, he's your moirail. (Karkat) Yeah, why doesn't he come visit me? You're my moirail. (Gamzee) I might not come and seek you out all the time, but... The times we get together... They're good times. (Karkat) I guess, if I run into you. (John) Haha, I think you need to schedule an appointment with your moirail. (Karkat) Do you even know what that means? No you don't. (John) Nope! Q: Karkat, have you missed Gamzee during that time that he wasn't around? (Karkat) Let's take a wild guess what you think my answer to that might be. (Karkat) Would it be A: Never B: ALL THE FREAKING TIME or C: None of the above. Take a wild guess. Q: None of the above. (John) You asked for that one, Karkat! (Karkat) What is wrong wi-- ugh. (Karkat) Clearly passed me, he has no idea. No. Idea. (Karkat) It's okay. I miss the shhh outta you. (Gamzee) It's okay. (John) Does anyone have a question? (John) Down here on the floor? Q: John, what are you scared of the most? (John) What am I scared of? (Dave) *COUGHLOSINGYOURBESTFRIEND* (John) Well... That goes for all of them. I don't wanna lose you guys ever. (John) Why do people have emotions?! (Karkat) Great, while he's off in his emotions corner-- (John) Haha, I'm back now! Q: Greetings, Vriska? (Vriska) ... What? Q: (Kanaya) I plan on possibly designing a new outfit very soon. Would you have any recommendations as to what it should center and I may need some measurements. (John) I DON'T GET IT. (Vriska) I'll leave the designs to you, but we can um, make some time that we can meet up. For those measurements. *winks* (Kanaya) I believe I am the resident designer in this dream bubble. (Karkat) There's another you over there it's sorta creepy. (Vriska) There's another you over there who actually cares. (John) Now that's a little mean! We're moving on. (Terezi) Dave, I didnít know you were hiding snacks under here! (Dave) Hey, donít tell the feds, babe, cops gunna bust me for sure. (Dave) Don't put it on me. I donít even know what treats sheís talking about. Iím holding them for a friend. (Rose) Falling back on old cornchip habits, are we? (Dave) Doritos to the left of me, Fritos to the right of me, corn chips behind me... (Terezi) Cornchips? What cornchips? The only flavor Iím tasting is delicious pomegranate-cherry punch. (Dave) ...are you just straight up eating my cape? (Terezi) Tasting it Dave, there is a difference. (Kanaya) You see, that is what I was explaining to you earlier. Simply tasting something and devouring it like a wild book beast are two entirely separate things. (Rose) I suppose. Though, frankly when thereís a pointlessly sharp set of teeth headed in my general direction, the difference doesnít seem particularly important. (Kanaya) The teeth in question are just sharp enough. And it not as if they have to hurt. (Rose) So youíll be gentle with me? (Dave) Whoa hey now- (Rose) Relax Dave, Iím only joking. Though the concern you show over how well a romantic partner treats your baby sister is sweet, if not somewhat...Borgian. (Dave) Stop. Just. Just stop. (Karkat) Yeah. No, no. Stop. Just stop. Okay? (Karkat) We've already made a big deal about not having any suggestive material in this and I donít want to get hauled out of here by a dream-wide decency patrol. (Kanaya) Itís alright Karkat, she is just being difficult on purpose. (Karkat) Oh yeah, I've noticed. (Dave) She just gets her sick kick out of tormenting people, you mean. (Kanaya) Or that. (Rose) Dave, I had no idea I was hurting you so badly. However could I make it up to you? (Dave) Well, the damage is already done. And intensive therapy just can't help me now. Little old ladies will dab at their eyes all go, oh that poor boy, poor boy! (Rose) Not even if I offered you a drink? (Dave) Is that... apple... juice? (Rose) It's alchemized, so I apologize for the color, but yes. (Dave) What... Oh my god. (Rose) You're welcome. (Terezi) Dave, give me some! (Dave) What? No, this gold is mine. (Terezi) Selfishness is not cool kid behavior, Dave! (Dave) Do you know how long Iíve been waiting for this? (Terezi) Irrelevant! Iíll commandeer it out of your mouth if I have to! (Karkat) WOAH. SUGGESTIVE. MATERIAL. (Gamzee) Best be keepiní your hands to yourself, sister. (Terezi) Iíll put my hands wherever I want. (Gamzee) Course. Not like you canít ever just be keepiní ëem all up to yourself. (Terezi) Speak for yourself, you polka-dotted assault on the senses. (Karkat) Wait....what? (Terezi and Gamzee) Uh... (Terezi) OH LOOK, itís Troll Will Smith! (Karkat) WHERE?! (Karkat) Terezi, I donít-- I don't... YOU CANíT EVEN SEE! (Karkat) Way to break a trollís blood heart, you harpy. (Terezi) Thatís me... so... vicious. (Rose) Perhaps weíd like to get back to answering questions? (John) Oh yeah, that is supposed what we were supposed to be doing, isnít it? (John) You guys took some kind of tangent there, I forgot we were supposed to be answering questions instead of shouting at each other pointlessly. You, go! Q: Tavros! I'm sure you've run into one of your other alternate timeline selves in the dream bubbles somewhere. And surely, you've seen one of your selves who was dressed in you godtier. What do you think of the design? Kind airy, right? (Tavros) Well, there's a lot of room for my legs. And that's cool. And I have wings! It's really cool! I like that part a lot. (John) Why didn't I get wings? Humans don't get wings when they godtier? Guess not. Over here? (Karkat) Neither did I. Q: Eridan? (Eridan) ... What? Q: Who were you most looking forward to seeing in the dream bubbles? (Eridan) I can't hear you. Q: Who were you most looking forward to seeing in the dream bubbles? (Eridan) Well, I already saw the only person I wanted to see. (Audience Member) Was it Karkat? (Fefer) Rude! Q: Dave, how are things with the mayor? (Dave) He's... Well I uh... (Dave) (Whispers) He's my best bro. (John) Dave! (Dave) What? (John) I've been waiting here all this time with this substitute for you that isn't you and now you're... (John) I'm not your best bro anymore? (Dave) I... I... I like best bros. (John) Moving onto the next question. Here. Q: Terezi, hey. It's an alternate timeline you. So how are you and Dave spending your time together, like with your drawing things and stuff. Have you made anything cool? (Terezi) Well, we drew an entire city with the help of the mayor, and built a can town, and-- (John) Which is apparently what you do with best bros now. (Dave) No, we're helping people. Maybe homeless people, and they need a town. They need a mayor that they can depend on. (John) They have cans! (Dave) You know, not everyone can have nice things, okay? (Karkat) Cans are a perfectly acceptable building block. (Dave) There. (Rose) The books, I have to say, are not. (Karkat) Guess what, you just got told, YEAH! (John) Anyone else? Q: So being of the compassionate Vantas line... Have you, Karkat, discovered what the human emotion of friendship is truly like yet? (Karkat) Uh, okay. Human friendship. What I gathered is that it involves a lot of being licked by people. (Karkat) Okay? And Also a lot of time you know, doing some weird thing over here. I don't even know. That's not actually friendship anymore. I don't even want to know. (Karkat) But okay, seriously though. Human friendship is kind of amazing. I mean, it's completely different from us. (John) Really? (Karkat) Shut up, I don't wanna hear it! No- Shut-- (John) I didn't expect to hear you say something like that-- (John) Eww. You smell. (Karkat) It's very-- The reason why it's different is because they don't have to kill each other! I don't know why they don't have to kill each other, but they don't! (Karkat) And it's... It's amazing. (John) That's a surprise to you? (John) I guess I'll just let that one rest. Forever. And ever. Anyone else have a question? Q: Tavros, how do you and Vriska spend time together in the dream bubbles while you're off on your mission? (Tavros) Uhh.. (Vriska) He makes me play Fiduspawn a lot. (Tavros) No, we go out and search for things, and try to do quests, and I try to help. But... I'm quite bad at it though. (Vriska) And then he tries to make me play Fiduspawn. (Tavros) Sometimes... (Vriska) Like all the time! (John) Okay, okay, okay, okay... Shoooosh. Calm your ***. Q: Kanaya, who do you think has created the most sins against fashion? (Kanaya) Really? Overshirts over another shirt? You didn't even change when you got into that accident. You couldn't find another shirt? You! Vriska. (John) I think she's talking to you, Vriska. (Vriska) Not me. Definitely this one. (John) Definitely you. (Kanaya) Definitely you. (Vriska) What about this one here? (Kanaya) The hats clash a little bit with his blood color, but still. You could have at least changed after you lost your arm instead of just washing the shirt and rewearing it. (Vriska) I'm not a seamstress like you are. (Jade) She has a point. (Kanaya) You only own one shirt? (Rose) She's hardcore. (Karkat) Yes. (Feferi) I never knew the plight of the lowbloods was so bad! (Eridan) I have at least ten of the same cape. (Kanaya) I'm at a lower blood caste than her and I still manage to have multiple outfits. (Feferi) I wear a new skirt every day! (Nepeta) Equius gets me all my clothes. Otherwise I'd just run around all woooo! (Nepeta) I used to wear some dead animals all the time. (Vriska) Thank you, Equius. (John) Can we stop talking about clothes now? It gets kinda boring. (Karkat) Yeah. (John) I don't have to worry about my clothes! I got too many. Q: Sollux, now that you're a half ghost, what do you do in your spare time? Besides have corpse parties. (Sollux) Well, AA and I are going around all the different dream bubbles and what seeing what stupid situations people have gotten themselves into now that they're dead. (Sollux) You'd be surprised, there's a lot of stupid stuff. (Aradia) You'd be really surprised! (Karkat) Okay, I'm really excited to hear that. Thank you. (John) So much for being sensitive about deaths from the one who said it. (Karkat) Do you think he's sensitive about anything? Everything's "okay" now! (John) I was talking to her, she was the one who said the rule. (John) 'Cause she's all "Hahaha, let's laugh at death! ëCause death is funny!" (John) Let me tell you about death. (John) It's not funny. (Aradia) My favorite thing about death is that everyone gets to do it! (Aradia) Also it happens more than once! (Karkat) Yes, that's exactly what I wanted to hear about the fact the Sollux died twice. (Karkat) Both times on my watch, thank you very much! (John) Woah woah okay. I feel like this is going in a very very very emotional direction. (John) I think we're going to go over here, where you can calm down. And I'm just going to take over the whole panel by myself! Yey! (Karkat) Can I have some Chameowmile tea? (John) Karkat wants some Chameowmile. (Nepeta) Oh! Sure! (Equius) That one's mine. (John) Where's the one that I had, he can have that one. (Karkat) I'm stealing it, because I'm the leader. (John) Wow! (Nepeta) Karkitty why are you so pawful to my Meowrail? (John) Rude... (John) Okay, now I'm up here by myself. This is awkward. Um... Over here? Q: Tavros does this gentleman look familiar? (Grandpa Harley stands up) (Tavros) I'm sorry!!! (John) Sit down. Uh, who else has a question that's not going to send someone into a panic attack because we're having a lot of these today! Apparently. (Vriska) Give him some tea! Q: This one is for my decendant. I have been told that clearly the matriorb has been destroyed. Is there a new one? What's the-- How does the outcome of our race look so far? (Kanaya) I'm so sorry. (Kanaya) I tried. I tried VERY HARD. I did MY job. (Eridan) I didn't do anything! (Feferi) You did everyfin', Eridan. (Karkat) Okay let's move on from that one. (John) Someone's gunna end up killing someone... Okay who else has questions? Q: (Mituna) Sollux, you like my helmet? (Aradia) It's yellow, It's got some of that red/blue thing that you've like going on and it's got hole for his horns in there. (Sollux) I'm okay with it. Q: Karkat, what is your opinion on the existence of ancestors now? (Karkat) How- WHY? Why? Just, okay, look. Alright. Just. NO. Please just stop existing. I really hope that this big boss thing or whatever comes and destroys you. (Karkat) I'd actually be really okay with that. (Feferi) I would also be okay with that. (Audience) Trigger! (Karkat) Yes, if we'd like to talk about triggers. YOU trigger ME. Thank you. (John) Everyone's being really rude today and making people upset. What happened? The last time we did this everyone was really nice. (Feferi) Everybody died. (John) I guess. Death is a real bipch. (Vriska) Tavros has his legs now though? That's happy. (Nepeta) And a head attached to my body! (Karkat) Wow. One plus, doesn't cancel out. (John) Okay let's pick someone else and stop talking about things that are like... Yeah. (Tavros) If we have a minute, I have something I'd like to talk about? (John) Iím pretty sure weíre not actually the ones supposed to be asking questions right now. (Tavros) Well, I guess that's a good point, if you like points of that kind... (Vriska) What a great idea, Tavros! For once youíre really thinking on your feet. (Vriska) There's a lot of issues that we have to handle right now, and I'm pretty sure that I am the best at handling issues. (Tavros) Thatís actually, not exactly what I meant. (Vriska) Giving other people the power over this discussion is makes for a total snoozefest! Why would we want to talk about a bunch of old boring stuff anyways? (Vriska) Yaaaaaaaawn. (John) I like where she's going with this. (Vriska) Thank you. (Vriska) What we should really be doing is thinking ahead! (Tavros) That's, actually the complete opposite of what I was trying to do... (Vriska) The big trolls are talking now, Tavros, shhhhhhhh! (Vriska) Anyways where were we? (Vriska) Well, Since we have- (laughs). Since we have a lot of issues to handle and I've got all these plans in motion right now, we should go over those. (Vriska) Iíve got like, eiiiiiiiighty plans in motion right now, and it might take a while to get through them all, but we have eternity... (Gamzee) HONK. (Karkat) Nonono, shhoooshh. (Tavros) Uh, yeah, since some of us havenít exactly seen each other in a really long time, uhm... (Tavros) I'd like to maybe start a conversation with some alliteration if maybe that won't cause much frustration? (Karkat) Oh my god. (Dave) Aw damn, do I detect the sweet flow of a rap? Itís like Christmas up in here. (Tavros) Oh. Uh. This is sort of personal. (Dave) What? You work me all up and you just leave me like that? I can't even... (Kanaya) Alternian slam poetry is an ancient and traditional art, Dave. Many people are sensitive to the subjects therein. (Dave) Yeah, but... I could at least just drop a beat. Throw me a bone. (Tavros) No. This is something I have to do for myself. (Tavros) I've been thinking a lot, haven't seen you in awhile, my brain has been running, going miles and miles. It feels a little chilly and by that I mean hostile. Don't have feather to rile, but I want to smile. Because between us two, there's something to be said. I've been waiting to talk but there's been silence instead. I feel like you've been messing with my head. This feeling I feel is much like dread. There's been ups and downs but I think I found a spine to keep these legs on the ground. And while walking doesn't mean my backbone's intact, I'm on track and I think that's a fact. But... You seem different, but I can't be exact. Did I miss something between dying and death? I guess everyone's different some, I guess... I don't have wings but I hope I impress. I don't need a crown and I think that's progress. I won't pretend we don't have to mend, this awkward silence that seems to impend. I have some raps that I've been waiting to send. But I want to ask... Are you still my friend? (Gamzee) That's an interesting query you've all up and laid out for me so. Listen to me brother, Listen up. One word of command: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. [Begin freestyle] You see, the difference you see in me, might have something to do with a nice, strange epiphany. You see, I figured out how nice the world is with darkness and mirth to be about. So don't have any doubt. You and me, just a clown and a page, but who can know you could invite such rage? And then you ask me if I'm proud, and I see you running with spiders around. With your face so close to the ground, not far to fall now, is it? Don't worry, I've had enough of this, I've got a plan, you gotta understand... I've got it, Don't worry. This virus is latent so just be patient. As for me and you, I think we're a bit through. Our flowers are shredded and wilted. So for now. Don't rest and depend, just fill some sweet rhymes and some nice fairy tales to fill that sweet head. (Karkat) Alright, woah, thatís enough out of you. (Gamzee) HONK! (Karkat) Shhhh. (John) Wow, that was kinda terrifying. (John) Is everyone breathing now? (Feferi) I would like to request a different seating arrangement! (Sollux) You can come sit over here. (Karkat) It's okay, I've got this under control. (Eridan) No, she cannot! (Sollux) Yes she can. (Eridan) No! She's good here. (John) Are we good? Okaaay great! (John) If anyone is out of breath, I can certainly try and help that! (John) Okay, everyone's laughing now. That means everything's okay! Q: Okay, I have a question for Karkat. If you could have anything in the world, what would it be? (Karkat) If I could have anything in the world... Q: Anything... (Karkat) Man, the thing I was going to say aloud I realized I still don't want to say in front of you. (Karkat) Okay, if I could have anything in the world, besides the thing I want to say, but can't say... I would... (Karkat) I would know how to talk to Terezi again, okay? (John) Do you need a hug Karkat? (Gamzee) Excuse you. (Karkat) Hey, hey, woah. (Terezi) We're still friends. (John) It was just a hug! (John) Okay then, I guess they're gunna be there for awhile. Q: Vriska, speaking of plans, how did the fight with Meenah go before we were rudely interrupted? (Vriska) You're gunna have to find that out yourself. (Feferi) It was a fintastic party! (Vriska) Actually, it was really annoying. Q: Alright, so I have a question for-- I guess it's called a game? I don't know. Anyway, I have a question for Terezi. What is your favorite game? (Aradia) My favorite game is telling jokes! (Aradia) So um, basically. What did the zombie who was tardy say? (Aradia) Better late than never!! (Sollux) You know, I'm actually okay with the corpse jokes now that I'm dead. (Sollux) But if you feel the need for some big emotional outburst I could stir up some stuff from the past. (Aradia) That sounds great and all Sollux, but weíre actually running a little short on time. (Sollux) What? Weíre almost done already? (Aradia) Yeah, Unfortunately! As much as Iíd love to dredge up our painful explosive past, there just arenít enough hours. I'm not made of time you know! (John) ASPECT PUNS! (Sollux) Wow, that blows. (Aradia) Blows UP! (Sollux) I get it, AA, I disintegrated your entire life, Iím sorry- (Aradia) Sollux, Sollux, Sollux, Sollux... (Aradia) There, There. It's alright. It's all water under the bridge! Everything fine now that we're all fine with each other. (Aradia) Which is really why itís such a shame to break up a peaceful meeting. (Aradia) Unfortunately we have to be moving along... (Sollux) What about the board games? (Aradia) Oh, well we didn't have time for them. (Aradia) We didn't have time to break out the board games and party hat-- We had some party hats. Not enough. Never enough. (Sollux) Yeah... I guess everybody goes back to their respective sucky corners after this, huh? (Feferi) Speak for yourself, grumpy gills! Some of us have a pretty sweet deal being dead! (Sollux) Hey, Iím doing just fine hanging out with AA. I... I am sticking with you, right? (Aradia) Um. Of course! I have to have someone to put all these party hats on! (Sollux) ALL of the party hats. I am the party. A double party, even. Oh I'm sorry, were you looking for the party next door? (Sollux) 'Cause itís actually here. I have both the hives. Both the parties. Better bring chips, this is gonna get serious. (Karkat) Oh great, Vantastic. Why don't you just take off into the middle of nowhere again. Itís not like I wanted to see you or hang out, or anything. (Sollux) KK, we just had how long to reconnect? You blew your time slot big time. (Karkat) Yeah well I- ... Yeah. Yeah, you're right. God I suck at this. (Sollux) It's okay, you have other priorities. (Sollux) Itís actually been kind of nice just watching you lead something without blowing off the handle and messing everything up every two seconds. (John) Yeah, Karkat! Youíre handling things a lot better than I always thought you would! (John) Maybe when we actually meet up in real life, Iíll be able to push you down those friendship stairs without actually getting maimed! (Karkat) I wouldnít get too attached to your limbs just yet, John. (Karkat) But as long as we're on the complement regurgitation hour, I guess I cou- (Jake) Ladies and Gentlemen! Please remain seated! Your question answering heroes have arrived! (John) Oh, cool! (Jake) Blast! Are we interrupting? (Karkat) What. The hell. Is this!? (Aradia) Whoops! It looks like we have some late arrivals on a rogue dream bubble! (Karkat) And you were planning on telling me about this at what point? (Aradia) I thought it could be a fun surprise! Surprise!!! (Dirk) I told you we should taken that left turn at Albuquerque. (Jake) You told me no such thing! (Jake) Besides, from where I stand, youíre the one in control of this bumbling time jumping monstrosity! (Dirk) We Haven't been jumping time, bro. We've been jumping space. (Jane) Time, space- whatever it is, we are late! (Roxy) But Janey, we are fashiobonbly late! (Jane) Fashionably late? You dragged me all the way here and we MISSED THE WHOLE THING! (Jake) That's okay, Jane. We gave it the good old college try! (Roxy) Spuberb effort on all ov our partsss! (Dirk) Great job, team failure. Now, we're gunna pack it up and just hit the road. (Jade) Oh, youíre leaving so soon? (Dirk) Yeah, unfortunately. We were a bit late on this. (Dave) Sure sure, things to do, seabass to high five. Sure, just ollie out into the nope-o-sphere without a single word, why don't you. (Karkat) Without a single word? That sounds great. Let's just end this all with a wave of silence. (Karkat) Wave your fond farewells, say goodbye to another opportunity to suck a little less, lost forever. (John) Yeah, Iím gonna miss everyone, too, Karkat. But who knows? Maybe weíll all see each other a little sooner than we think. (Karkat) John...? (John) What? (Karkat) Donít touch me. (John) Wow rude! (John) Okay, what is our time check actually? I think we're about done? We're done? (Audience Member) This has been an unexpectingly early callout. (John) Well then, we can take a few remaining questions? Will we do that? (Gamzee) Yeah. (Nepeta) Sounds purrfect! (John) If anyonestill has any questions they wanna ask, we can take a few more. (EVERYONE RAISES HANDS) (John) OH NOW you all raise your hands. (John) NOW you all raise your hands. (Karkat) I don't see any reason to rush, it's okay because people are- (John) Back here in this corner. Yeah! Q: Equius, you seem pretty tough and strong, but do you have a soft side? (Equius) Where are you? A: I'm right here. (Equius) Well, I like... tea. (Aradia) He's got soft sides, you just need to know where to look for them! (John) I DON'T GET IT. (Nepeta) So scandalous! (John) OKAY THEN... I saw other hands... Q: Yeah, Gamzee? That potion you sold me... I lost control of my legs, but I didn't kiss any better. Can I get a refund? (Gamzee) Strict No-Return policy, sister. (John) Can we refrain from asking Gamzee any more questions? (Feferi) I would like to second that... Q: (Cronus) I've got a question for my dancestor. Q: Your quadrants empty, chief, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to, uh... Go out... On a date with me? (Eridan) You're not going to leave me alone until I say yes, right? (Feferi) THERE'S TWO OF THEM NOW! (Eridan) He's been buggin' me for WEEKS. Just because I didn't go on one lousy date with him. (John) So should I just interrupt and say no and move onto another question? I'd say yes! (Eridan) I'll see you later. (Vriska) Well, hopefully THIS ONE doesn't write bad fan fiction. (Nepeta) HA HA HA HA If they haven't done it already! Q: Eridan, what was your most interesting FLARP adventure? Q: Eridan. (Eridan) Oh, what? Q: What was your most interesting FLARP adventure? (Eridan) Well, I spent a lot of my time FLARPing with some... Loser who suddenly dumped me. So... (Eridan) I kind of look back on the whole adventure kind of negatively. (Feferi) The finniest one to watch was when she broke up with him and he ran his boat into the reef. (Eridan) I did not do that! It was a total accident! (Vriska) I wish I recorded that so I could watch it on repeat. Over and over and over and ove-- (Karkat) Okay! "Over" Eight times! (John) Okay we get it. Q: Can I have a hug? (John) Who are you asking? (Karkat) You can get a hug from me later because as I've already said. We can all be a bunch of attention starved cuddlebeasts at the END of this mess, okay? Thank you. Q: I'm gunna hold you to that word, by the way. (Karkat) Oh goody. I'm really excited. (Debate between which Kankri in the audience should ask the next question) Q: I have a question for my dancestor. (Karkat) Good, I'm excited. Q: Can we-- (Karkat) Do I get to talk this time? Q: No. Q: Can we be buddies so that I can educate you on hemo-privelege? (Karkat) Oh, you want to be "Buddies" now, I'm sorry. Every single time you tried to say my name, or anythign else about me, (Karkat) It always came out, "Disciple-- I mean..." SHUT UP. No. (John) Well then... I think he said no. Q: Vriska. What do you think of Aranea? (Vriska) She's kind of boring, and I thought my ancestor was supposed to be SOOOOOOOO much cooler. Q: So do you not like her? (John) I think that was a no. (Vriska) That one's cool though? (Pointing at Mindfang) (John) Yeah, you look like her too! Q: I have a question for Rose Lalonde. I was wondering if you could shed a little light on your relationship with your mother. (Rose) My mother... You mean my, "Choice babe in pajamas?" (Rose) I'm sorry. Anyway. Well, I am excited to meet her in the new session and kind of start afresh. (Rose) But I will tell you a story of something that happened before we ever started playing the game. (Rose) She neglected to add a little prefix to the iced tea sitting in the fridge. (Rose) And I regret to say that an 8-year-old tried Long Island Iced Tea. (Rose) So that pretty much sums it up! (John) What's Long Island Iced Tea? (Rose) Long Island Iced Tea is about five kinds of clear liquor combined with Iced Tea. (John) Oh, so it's ***. (Rose) Yes. (John) Ohhh... (Rose) There's a reason I try to stay away from that stuff. Q: Jade, do you spend lots of time chasing Jaspersprite around the boat? (Jade) Oh my god, all the time! I cannot even handle that dumb cat! (John) You should stop with the chasing and the sprites and the-- You knock everything over! (Jade) I can't help it! He's a cat! He's there! (John) Yeah, but you're not all dog! Somewhere there is humanness inside you. I know you can do it. You have the self control. (Karkat) Hey Jade, I have an important question. (Jade) Yeah? (Karkat) So, if you chase around the cat one, then does the cat one chase around the birdsprite thingamabobber? (John) Yes. (Rose) Does he really? My cat? Really? (John) The sprite on-- Okay. How about we just end it there because this is getting into awkward territory. (John) Thank so much, guys! We really enjoyed having you come!