Let The Games Begin

GUNS ARE A BIG PART OF LIFE UP HERE, BOTH FOR HUNTING AND PROTECTION. FOR "WILD WEST ALASKA," SAFETY IS OUR NUMBER-ONE PRIORITY. THE BEST SHOT IN THIS PLACE, UNDOUBTEDLY, IS MOI. WHY DON'T WE JUST HAVE A COMPETITION MATCH AND END IT? SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS SUMMER FOR FUN? I GOT A GIRLFRIEND WHO WANTS TO GO FISHING. I'VE GOT A SECRET PLACE. I CAN'T COME AND GET YOU. SO, WE ARE STUCK HERE NOW? YEAH. Jim: ALASKA -- TRULY THE LAST FRONTIER. A PLACE WHERE YOU DON'T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE, YOU GO HUNTING, AND THAT'S WHERE WE COME IN. COOL GUN ALERT! GOOD MORNING, HANSY! WE HAVE AN OLD SAYING -- THE ODDS ARE GOOD, BUT THE GOODS ARE ODD. YEAH! I GUESS YOU CAN SAY THAT ABOUT US, TOO. YEE-HAW! MY NAME'S JIM WEST, THE OWNER OF WILD WEST GUNS. AND THIS IS MY CREW. Ken: CHECK OUT WHAT MY GENIUS HAS ACHIEVED. Phred: I MAKE THIS LOOK EASY. GOOD SHOT, PHRED! Bryan: THERE ISN'T A GUN THAT I CAN'T BUILD. Mitch: I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE. Hans: OH, JASPER, WE STRUCK OUT AGAIN. [ JASPER WHINES ] Jim: THERE ARE GUNS, AND THEN THERE ARE WILD WEST GUNS. -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS HEY, GUYS. Ken: HOW YOU DOING, SIR? WELL, GOT A LITTLE CHORE FOR YOU. TWO SOCKS. TWO SOCKS. THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES I GOT. OH, NICE. I NEED THEM CLEANED AND ACTION JOBS. YEAH, WE CAN SMOOTH THESE OUT, TIME THEM, AND SIGHT THEM. THE GLORIOUS SOUND OF THE COLT. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THESE? WHAT DO YOU USE THEM FOR? COWBOY ACTION SHOOTING. YOU HAVE FOUR GUNS. ALL THE TARGETS ARE STEEL, SO A LOT OF PINGING AND STUFF. AND AT THE END OF YOUR TURN, THEY'LL GIVE YOU A SCORE AND A TIME, AND THAT'S WHAT IT IS. SO, YOU HAVE TO DO COSTUMES AND STUFF LIKE THAT? YEAH, YOU HAVE TO DO COSTUMES. LIKE HALLOWEEN WITH GUNS. MMM! THIS SOUNDS LIKE ABSOLUTE FUN. I WISH I COULD DO THIS, BECAUSE IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOU GET TO LIVE OUT YOUR CHILDHOOD DREAMS. ALL RIGHT. WE'LL GET THEM DONE FOR YOU. ALL RIGHT. THANKS. WE'LL GIVE YOU THE GUNS BACK, BUT I REALLY DO NEED A PAIR OF SOCKS. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANG WITH THOSE GUYS? HANG WITH THOSE GUYS? I'M A WINNER. WHEN IT COMES TO PISTOLS, EL PISTOLERO IS HERE. YEAH. THERE WE GO. YEE-HAW! [ LAUGHS ] WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING FOR? OH, DUDE. I COULD SO SMOKE YOU. OH, DUDE, DUDE, I COULD SMOKE YOU. I'M SORRY. I'M THE BEST SHOT IN THIS BUILDING. NO, I'M THE BEST SHOT IN THIS PLACE. YOU GUYS ARE BOTH GREAT SHOTS... FOR OLD FAT GUYS. HEY, LOOK AT MR. SPECTACLES OVER THERE. HEY, I DON'T NEED TO READ TARGETS. I JUST NEED TO SHOOT HOLES IN THEM. I HAVE YOUTHFUL EYES. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. THE BEST SHOT IN THIS PLACE, UNDOUBTEDLY, IS MOI. HERE. THAT'S FOR YOU. THAT'S FOR YOU. THE GUY NEEDS A COWBOY ACTION JOB. OKAY. I'M GONNA GO SHOOT AT THIS COWBOY-ACTION THING. I'M GONNA GO GET ME A HAT AND SOME CHAPS. Hans: YOU CAN GO THERE AND DRESS UP LIKE A CLOWN IF YOU WANT, BUT YOU'RE NOT A GOOD SHOT. [BLEEP] YOU GUYS KEEP ON RATTLING CAGES. WORKING IN THE BACK. WHY DON'T WE JUST HAVE A COMPETITION MATCH AND END IT? SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. YOU CAN'T EVEN MOVE, DUDE. THIS IS CALLED "ACTION." MITCH IS RIGHT. WE NEED TO SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL. WE'RE GONNA HAVE A COMPETITION TO SEE WHO'S THE BEST SHOT, AND OBVIOUSLY IT'S ME, THE ARMADILLO KID. I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE. HE JUST CALLED US OUT, DUDE. WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON OVER HERE? OH, HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE. FIXING TO GO BEAT KEN DOWN AT THE COWBOY ACTION SHOOT. YOU'RE HAVING A COWBOY ACTION-SHOOTING MATCH? YOU KNOW THEY CALL ME TOP GUN, RIGHT? Hans: NOW THE BOSS JUST GOT IN IT? BEATING JIMBO IS GONNA BE SWEET. WE CAN HAVE A COMPETITION, BUT WE ALREADY KNOW WHO'S GONNA WIN. [ LAUGHS ] OKAY. COUNT ME IN. MEANTIME, LET'S GET SOME WORK DONE AROUND HERE. PREPARE TO BE OVERTAKEN BY YOUTHFUL EXUBERANCE. [ LAUGHTER ] RIGHT. Ken: I'M GONNA GO SLAP MY CHAPS. WHAT YOU DO IN YOUR OWN BEDROOM. [ LAUGHS ] SHOOT. WILD WEST GUNS. HOW YOU DOING? YEAH, I CAN BE THERE IN ABOUT 20. ALL RIGHT. I'M ON MY WAY. ALL RIGHT. BYE. THAT WAS MY EX-WIFE, PATRICE, ON THE PHONE. SHE SAID SHE NEEDED A FAVOR. WHERE YOU GOING? UM, TO LUNCH. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GOING FOR LUNCH? I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL KEN BECAUSE HE'S NOT A BIG FAN OF HERS. HEY, IS THIS A "B" OR A "W" HERE? I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T SPELL. HEY, HANSEL. HOW YOU DOING? GOOD. WHAT YOU UP TO? YOU'RE THE MAN, SO I WANTED TO COME BY AND SEE YOU. I GOT THIS RIFLE A WHILE BACK, AND SOMETHING'S UP WITH IT, AND I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU COULD TAKE A LOOK AT IT. YEAH, THAT'S A NICE RIFLE. OH, THE SIGHT'S, LIKE, ELEVATED OVER THE MOON. YEAH, THAT SHOULDN'T TAKE MUCH. OH, COOL. I KNEW YOU'D BE THE MAN TO BRING IT TO. YEAH. SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS SUMMER FOR FUN? ANYTHING? I GOT A GIRLFRIEND WHO WANTS TO GO FISHING, AND SO I THOUGHT I'D GIVE HER THE TRUE ALASKAN EXPERIENCE AND HEAD ON DOWN TO THE RUSSIAN. YEAH, WHY NOT? IT'S A ZOO DOWN THERE. YOU HAVE ANY BETTER IDEAS? YEAH, I'VE GOT A SECRET PLACE. Hans: THE SUMMERS ARE SHORT IN ALASKA, AND THE GOOD FISHING HOLES AROUND TOWN ARE JUST SWAMPED. WAS IT SOMETHING THAT MAYBE YOU WANTED TO MAYBE TAKE US TO OR SOMETHING? THIS PLACE IS AWESOME. YOU JUST GOT TO HIKE IN A WHILE, SO WE CAN DO THAT. REMEMBER THAT LAST TIME WE WENT THAT ONE TIME AND I CAUGHT THAT ONE AND SCREAMING HEEBIE JEEBIES ON THE BOAT? [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH. LOVE THE HOUSECLEANING, AS USUAL. OH, I SPIFFED IT UP, I THOUGHT. TAKE IT EASY. ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU LATER. WHAT YOU LOOKING AT, MITCH? A COUPLE GUNS HERE. A BUNCH OF ANTIQUE GUNS? ARE YOU TAKEN BACK TO YOUR CHILDHOOD OR SOMETHING? WELL, WE GOT THIS COWBOY-ACTION STUFF COMING UP. I FIGURED, YOU KNOW, GET A COUPLE, FIX THEM UP, SHOW EVERYBODY HOW TO SHOOT. SHOW EVERYBODY HOW TO SHOOT? WHAT, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA WIN THIS THING? WELL, IT WON'T BE THE FIRST TIME I'VE WON A MATCH. Mitch: BRYAN THINKS HE KNOWS ME SO WELL. WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW IS I WAS TEACHING PEOPLE HOW TO SHOOT WHEN HE WAS CUDDLING TEDDY BEARS. ALL RIGHT. WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, MAN. WELL, IT'LL BE SIMPLE. SHOW THE KIDS HOW TO DO IT. THAT'S A NICE LITTLE GUN, HUH? I'M ASKING BRYAN TO FIX PATRICE'S GUN. YEAH, IT'LL BE PERFECT ONCE I GET IT DONE. I KNOW HE'S REALLY BUSY, BUT I'M ALWAYS DOWN TO HELP PATRICE. I'LL GET IT ALL SLICKED UP, AND IT'LL BE READY FOR PATRICE IN NO TIME. YEAH, THEY JUST DON'T SQUARE UP RIGHT. WHAT'S GONNA BE READY FOR PATRICE? SHE'S GOT A GUN SHE NEEDS FIXED. WHAT ELSE ARE WE DOING FOR PATRICE? I DON'T KNOW. ARE YOU WRITING A BOOK OR SOMETHING? DUDE, I KNOW YOU, OKAY? I KNOW YOU. EVERY TIME PATRICE SHOWS UP, MY GOOD BUDDY HANS GETS HURT. HIS HEART GETS TORN FROM HIS CHEST BY THIS WOMAN. THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON. IT'S ALL RIGHT, DUDE. YEAH. OKAY. I'LL HAVE IT READY IN ABOUT AN HOUR, HANS. YOU'RE WELCOME, BUD. PATRICE'S GUN HAS DEFINITELY SEEN BETTER DAYS. THE SIGHTS ARE SO FAR OFF, I DOUBT SHE COULD HIT A BARN FROM THE INSIDE. DEPENDING ON THE DISTANCE TO YOUR TARGET, IF YOUR SIGHTS ARE OFF A FRACTION OF AN INCH, YOU COULD BE TWO, THREE, MAYBE FOUR FEET OFF. AND IF YOU CAN'T HIT WHAT YOU'RE AIMING AT WITH YOUR RIFLE, [ BEAR ROARS ] EARS! CLEAR! WHAT'S UP, BUD? THE PLACE I'M TAKING PATRICE AND HER GIRLFRIEND FISHING IS VERY REMOTE. THE ONLY WAY TO GET THERE IS TO HAVE JIM FLY US. HEY, I'M GOING FISHING WITH PATRICE ON SATURDAY. DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GIVE US A LIFT? I GOT A LITTLE SECRET SPOT. IT'S JUST A HOP AND A JUMP. YOU WANT ME TO FLY YOU IN? YEAH, IF YOU DON'T MIND. IT'LL COST YOU, THOUGH. REALLY? YOU WANT TO NEGOTIATE WITH YOUR CHIEF NEGOTIATOR? [ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT. WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. WE ONLY GOT A DAY OF FISHING. I DON'T WANT TO WASTE HALF OF IT DRIVING THERE. ALL RIGHT, DUDE. THANK YOU. HEY, DAN. HEY, MITCH. HOW YOU DOING, MAN? GOOD. HOW ABOUT YOU? CAN'T COMPLAIN. STILL ABOVE GROUND. YEAH, AREN'T WE? YEAH. IF I'M GOING TO WIN THIS SHOOTING COMPETITION, I'VE JUST GOT TO HAVE THE RIGHT GUNS. SO, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO TODAY? LOOKING FOR A COUPLE OF WINCHESTERS OR SOMETHING. WE'RE DOING A COWBOY ACTION SHOOT. WELL, I GOT A COUPLE HERE. HAD THIS OLD TRAPPER JUST FINALLY DECIDE TO GIVE IT UP, AND HE GOT RID OF SOME OLD WINCHESTERS. LOOKS GOOD. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT ASKING TOP DOLLAR FOR IT. WELL, IT'S NOT TOP CONDITION, EITHER. [ LAUGHS ] I ALSO PICKED UP THAT OLD ONE THERE FROM THE SAME OLD BOY. WELL, THAT ONE'S DEFINITELY A LITTLE BIT MORE WORN. THAT WAS MADE IN 1927. OKAY. DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT WANTS TO LOCK UP GOOD. I COULD PROBABLY HOOK YOU UP WITH A GOOD GUNSMITH, IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANY. NO, I THINK I CAN FIND ONE, TOO. YOU THINK? YEAH. USUALLY, I SEE HIM EVERY MORNING. [ LAUGHS ] OKAY. SO, WHAT ARE YOU REALLY ASKING FOR THESE THINGS? WELL, I'VE GOT $850 ON BOTH OF THEM. HOW'S NINE SOUND TO YOU? $9? THAT SOUND FINE. [ LAUGHS ] WHAT'S YOUR OFFER? HOW ABOUT $675? OH, MAN. 700 BUCKS. DEAL. LET'S START THE PAPERWORK HERE. GIVE ME YOUR MONEY. HERE YOU GO. ALL RIGHT. I'LL COUNT IT LATER. IF IT'S WRONG, I KNOW WHERE TO FIND YOU. YEAH. COFFEE RUN. COFFEE. HERE YOU GO. LADIES FIRST. AND COFFEE FOR YOU. BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS. IT'S FREE. WITH MY OWN MONEY. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THAT, KEN? NEW COFFEE SHOP UP THE STREET. LET'S GIVE IT A SHOT. WHEN KEN STARTS ACTING NICE, WE KNOW SOMETHING'S UP. YEAH. I DON'T QUITE TRUST ANYTHING FREE FROM YOU. Hans: WHAT'S THE GAG? THERE IS NO GAG. FREE COFFEE? YOU GUYS ARE THE KEY MEMBERS OF THE TEAM, HERE. YOU SHOULD HAVE COFFEE, GET A LITTLE ENERGY, EXCEPT FOR HIM OVER THERE, WHO, YOU KNOW, YOU COULD INJECT CAFFEINE INTO HIS VEINS, AND HE'S STILL GONNA FALL ASLEEP. Phred: ALL RIGHT. WELL, THANKS. YOU'RE WELCOME. A CAFFEINATED WORKFORCE IS A PRODUCTIVE WORKFORCE. HEY, GUYS. BROUGHT YOU GUYS ALL A COFFEE. MORE COFFEE? I'M NOT USED TO PEOPLE BEING SO NICE AROUND HERE. AND I'M NOT SURE I LIKE IT. Hans: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? I CAN'T JUST BUY YOU GUYS SOME COFFEE? YOU WENT TO THE SAME PLACE, HUH? YEAH, NEW PLACE UP THE STREET, HUH? Ken: WHEN THAT NEW COFFEE PLACE OPENED UP, I SAID TO MYSELF, "WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA. WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? I'M GONNA GO BUY STOCK IN THAT COMPANY." DRINK UP YOUR COFFEE, GUYS. YOU'RE KEY MEMBERS OF THE TEAM. I NEED YOU TO HAVE ENERGY. YEAH. WHAT'S WITH THAT ABOUT? HE'S THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW WHO CAN GIVE CHANGE FOR A PENNY. [ LAUGHS ] Bryan: FOR THIS COWBOY ACTION SHOOT, I KNOW I GOT THE SHOOTING SKILLS IN THE BAG. BUT THE WARDROBE IS GONNA TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF WORK. LOOK AT THIS PLACE. THEY GOT EVERYTHING IN HERE. YOU CAN DRESS UP LIKE ANYTHING BUT A NORMAL PERSON. THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS COWBOY ACTION SHOOT -- DEFINITELY THE COSTUMES. YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK THE PART IF YOU'RE GONNA WIN. [ LAUGHS ] [ HORN BLOWS ] [ LAUGHS ] I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING IN THIS. ALL RIGHT. THAT WAS FUN. NOW I'VE GOT TO FIND A REAL COSTUME. Bryan: I THINK ALL THE GOOD STUFF'S UP AT THE FRONT. LET'S GO UP THERE AND SEE IF WE CAN FIND SOMETHING. YOU'RE GONNA PUT ON SOME CHAPS? YEAH. I'M NOT GONNA TAKE MY PANTS OFF, THOUGH. LOOK AT THAT. HERE, CHECK THIS JACKET OUT. THIS THING'S, LIKE, REAL LEATHER. MIGHT BE A LITTLE SHORT FOR ME. [ LAUGHING ] KIND OF SHORT IN THE ARM SECTION. GIVE ME THAT BIG OLD BLACK HAT OVER THERE. OH, YEAH. YEAH. TIE ME UP, PHRED. OH, YEAH. STOP BENDING OVER. I'M JUST KIND OF BENDING MY KNEES A LITTLE BIT. I KNOW, AND YOUR BUTT GETS CLOSER TO MY FACE. BRYAN DOESN'T LET LOOSE VERY OFTEN, SO IT'S REALLY COOL SEEING HIM GET SO EXCITED ABOUT THESE COWBOY OUTFITS. LET'S GO PAY UP. CHECK IT OUT. DON'T I LOOK DAPPER? THERE'S NOT ROOM FOR MORE THAN ONE OF US IN THIS HERE TOWN, YOU POLECAT, YOU CUR, YOU COCKROACH. I'M THE ARMADILLO KID. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GETTING READY FOR THE COWBOY SHOOT. HUH? LOOK AT THIS. I EVEN GOT THE WALK DOWN. I'VE BEEN RIDING TAXICABS. NICE GUN, HUH? YEAH. I GOT YOU SOMETHING. OH, YEAH, BABY. BEFORE THE REAL COMPETITION, KEN AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE SOME FUN AND GO TEST THESE GUNS OUT ON THE RANGE. I'LL SHOW HIM WHO'S BOSS. A COUPLE OF REAL GUNS. SOME .45 COLTS HERE. LET ME TRY ONE OF THESE. WE'VE GOT US A SHOTGUN. OH, A DOUBLE-BARREL WOULD BE GOOD. WHAT DO YOU THINK? MAYBE NEED TO CUT IT OFF RIGHT ABOUT THERE, LIKE THEY DID. BUT THIS IS DOUBLE-TRIGGER, THOUGH. IT AIN'T GOING TO WORK VERY WELL. THIS ONE'S A NICE ONE. THERE YOU GO. THESE ARE GREAT. THEY'RE QUICK. ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU GOT FOR A RIFLE? WE NEED A LEVER-ACTION. STIFF. NEEDS A LITTLE ACTION. STIFF, BUT NEEDS A LITTLE ACTION? ARE WE TALKING ABOUT YOU OR THE GUN? OLD 92 WINCHESTER, JOHN WAYNE'S FAVORITE GUN. SHORT, SWEET. LET'S GO SHOOT THESE THINGS. I'M GONNA GO GET MY HORSE, HERE. [ LAUGHS ] YEAH. HA! THESE BOYS HAVE BEEN TAKING THIS COWBOY COMPETITION SERIOUSLY, SO KEN AND I HAVE DECIDED TO UP THE ANTE. WHOEVER WINS THIS MATCH IS GOING TO GET TO SHOOT IN ALASKA'S BIGGEST COWBOY-SHOOTING COMPETITION. LET ME TELL YOU, I'VE BEEN STUDYING THE RULES OF THIS THING. THIS ISN'T LIKE ANY OTHER SHOOTING MATCH YOU'VE EVER BEEN TO. A SHOOTING MATCH IS A SHOOTING MATCH. NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. BUT THIS, YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK GOOD. YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK GOOD AND SHOOT GOOD. TRUST ME. THE ARMADILLO KID IS A MASTER. OKAY. SO, I LOOK GREAT ALREADY WITHOUT EVEN DRESSING UP. WHAT ARE THE RULES? ALL RIGHT, SO, IN THIS GAME, THE GUNS HAVE TO BE SOMETHING THE OLD COWBOYS USED -- YOU KNOW, THE OLD COLT SINGLE-ACTION PISTOLS, THE OLD STUFF. OLD-TIME SHOTGUNS, THE OLD PUMP SHOTGUNS. OLD LEVER-ACTION, THE OLD WINCHESTERS. IT'S ALL ABOUT, YOU KNOW, HITTING THE TARGETS -- HOW QUICKLY CAN YOU DO IT, AND HOW ACCURATELY CAN YOU DO IT. SO, LET'S GET TO SHOOTING. I WANT TO SHOOT THESE PISTOLS. NOW, THAT'S HOW YOU SCATTER THEM WITH A SCATTERGUN. WHAT ABOUT YOU LOOKING GOOD? I'M GONNA LOOK GOOD SHOOTING STRAIGHT. YOU'RE NOT WEARING THAT. I'M GOING TO BRING MY HORSE, TOO. A MILLION COFFEE CUPS AROUND HERE AND NOBODY TO THROW THEM OUT. THEY GOT TO BE IN THE BATHROOM. THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD IT. Bryan: SO, I'M GONNA CLEAN UP THESE COLTS AND DO AN ACTION JOB ON THEM. AN ACTION JOB INVOLVES TUNING AND POLISHING EVERY INTERNAL PART UNTIL THEY'RE WORKING TOGETHER AS BEST AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN. NOW THAT IT'S TIME TO TEST THESE, I COULD SHOOT THEM ONE AT A TIME. BUT HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET TO SHOOT A COLT WITH EACH HAND? EARS! CLEAR! NO. YOU WON'T NEED TO. HEY, HANSEL. GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? GOOD. WONDERFUL. THE SHE-DEVIL'S BACK. SO, I GOT YOUR CALL THAT MY GUN WAS READY. AWESOME. YEAH. NICE. LOOKS GOOD. NOW HOPEFULLY, IT'LL SHOOT GOOD. YEAH. YOU READY TO DO SOME FISHING? OH, YEAH. I WAS JUST TALKING TO MY GIRLFRIEND ABOUT THAT. WE'RE ALL PSYCHED WITH HOW THE PLAN'S COMING. I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT PATRICE IS MAKING HANS TAKE HER ON THIS FISHING TRIP. GOOD. I'VE GOT A NICE, REMOTE PLACE. IT'S ALWAYS FISHING. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THE CATCHING. I KNOW. BUT YOU USUALLY BEAT ME ANYWAY, SO... YOU REMEMBER WELL. YEAH. YOU CAN CATCH FISH OUT OF A MUD PUDDLE. YEAH, MY GIRLFRIEND'S PRETTY PSYCHED, THOUGH. COOL. I'VE NEVER MET THIS GIRL, HAVE I? MNH-MNH. IS SHE A HOT BISCUIT OR WHAT? YOU THINK I'D HANG OUT WITH ANYTHING ELSE? NO. PATRICE SAID HER FRIEND'S A SUGAR PLUM. THIS TRIP MIGHT BE MORE FUN THAN I THOUGHT. YOU KNOW HOW THEY SAY -- OUT WITH THE OLD AND IN WITH THE NEW. SEE YOU LATER. ALL RIGHT, HONEY. I AGREED TO FLY HANS, PATRICE, AND HER FRIEND OUT TO THEIR FISHING SPOT. I LOVE ANY EXCUSE TO FLY. ALL RIGHT, BUDDY. YOU READY TO GO? YEAH. WHERE'S THE PASSENGERS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE BRINGING THEM. NO, THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO SHOW UP HERE. YEAH. DO YOU KNOW ANY WOMEN THAT HAVE BEEN ON TIME, EVER? Jim: [ LAUGHS ] NO. Hans: HOW YOU DOING? GOOD, HOW ARE YOU GUYS? LONG TIME, NO SEE, JIM. ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT. AMY CALLED ME, AND SHE'S SICKER THAN A DOG. SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE IT, SO IT'S JUST ME. Hans: SPENDING THE AFTERNOON WITH PATRICE WILL BE NICE. BUT I'M BUMMED THAT I DON'T GET TO MEET HER CUTE FRIEND. OKAY, YOU GUYS READY TO GO? THIS OUGHT TO BE FUN. YOU LOVE TO FLY. NO. NOT AT ALL. BEING AFRAID OF FLYING IN ALASKA IS LIKE BEING AFRAID OF THE SUN IN FLORIDA. IT REALLY CRAMPS YOUR STYLE. HEY, PATRICE. USUALLY, WHEN I GET INTO ONE OF THESE CANS, I DRINK A WHOLE FIFTH. AS LONG AS THE PERSON WHO'S FLYING ISN'T DRINKING, WE'RE ALL GOOD. ALL RIGHT. YOU GUYS READY FOR THIS? SEE IF I CAN REMEMBER HOW TO WORK THIS THING. OH, GOD, HELP ME. WE'RE SMOKING RIGHT ALONG AT 75 MILES AN HOUR. WOMAN: Sky pilot, looks like we have visuals on you. Wind's about 25 miles an hour over here. ROGER THAT. THIS IS A WINCHESTER LEVER-ACTION RIFLE. ITS DESIGN DATES BACK TO JUST AFTER THE CIVIL WAR. WHEN YOU TAKE IT APART, YOU CAN REALLY SEE THAT THOSE OLD GUNSMITHS KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING. WELL, THAT WASN'T TOO BAD, HUH? THAT WAS AWESOME. THERE'S YOUR FISHING RODS. Patrice: GOT TO HAVE THOSE. AND THIS IS MY SATELLITE PHONE, SO GIVE ME A CALL. WE'LL CALL YOU LATER. WE'LL BE LIMITED OUT IN NO TIME. YOU MEAN YOU'RE GONNA ACTUALLY GO FISHING? [ LAUGHS ] WHAT? YOU GUYS HAVE FUN. GIVE ME A CALL WHEN YOU'RE READY. WHAT KIND OF FUN WERE YOU THINKING OF HERE? I'LL COME AND GET YOU. THANKS, JIM. ALWAYS AN ADVENTURE WITH YOU, HANS, I SWEAR. [ LAUGHS ] MAN, I HAVEN'T BEEN ON A AIRPLANE RIDE SINCE WE WENT MOOSE HUNTING THAT LAST TIME. I KNOW. I HATE FLYING. I LEAVE A SET OF FINGERNAILS UNDERNEATH THE SEAT EVERY TIME. SO, YOU KNOW WHICH WAY WE'RE GOING, RIGHT? YEAH. MORNING. HEY. MORNING, PHRED. MORNING. MORNING, PHREDDY. YOU DON'T EVEN DRINK COFFEE. YEAH, I'M TRYING TO START. I'M TELLING YOU, AMY WOULD HAVE LOVED THIS. IT IS KIND OF NICE BEING WITH YOU AGAIN, THOUGH, YOU OLD GEEZER. OLD? GEEZER? [ LAUGHS ] OOH, OOH, OOH. I GOT ONE. I GOT ONE. I KNOW, I KNOW. OH. THIS THING HAS GOT SOME SERIOUS FIGHT TO IT. WELL, LET HIM WEAR OUT A LITTLE BIT. OTHERWISE, IT'LL SNAP. SEE IT YET? YEAH, HE'S COMING UP. THIS RIFLE'S ALMOST 100 YEARS OLD. I HOPE IT'S AGING BETTER THAN I AM. EARS! NOT BAD AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF WEAR AND TEAR. I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS OTHER ONE. EARS! THIS THING'S A PIECE OF JUNK. I GOT TOOK FOR THAT. CLEAR! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY SECRET FISHING HOLE? ISN'T THIS NICE? ALL THE YEARS WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER, AND YOU JUST HOLD OUT ON ME. WELL, I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST. AW, THAT'S SWEET. YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT ME AROUND A LITTLE BIT LONGER. OH, JUST A LITTLE BIT? [ LAUGHS ] YOU DATING ANYONE? NO. I GAVE UP ON THAT FIASCO A LONG TIME AGO. SO, WHAT ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU DATING ANYBODY? HECK, NO. WELL, DON'T YOU GET LONELY? NOT REALLY. I GOT MY DOGS AND MY HORSE. WHAT ELSE DO I NEED? [ LAUGHS ] WELL, I'M BETTER THAN A DOG AND A HORSE. I GUESS THAT DEPENDS ON WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO. HEY. WELL, I JUST, YOU KNOW, I THINK, SOMETIMES, BACK ON WHAT WE HAD... AND SOMETIMES THINK IT WOULD BE COOL TO GET BACK WITH YOU. AND JUST, WE'RE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE NOW. YEAH. I KIND OF MISS BEING WITH PATRICE. BUT SHE'S RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. WELL, I CAN CALL JIM AND HAVE HIM COME PICK US UP. SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA. HI, JIM. WHAT'S UP? Well, we got some trout. YEAH, ARE YOU GOING TO COME AND GET US? I can't come and get you. THE WEATHER IS JUST CRAP OVER HERE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S BEAUTIFUL HERE. Might be beautiful there, but it's certainly not beautiful here. It's nasty. It's below minimums. I can't fly. What do you mean? Is it windy, or what? IT'S EVERYTHING. I'M SOCKED IN OVER HERE. YOU'RE SOCKED IN? UGH. GOSH. So, you're just going to have to hunker down for the night till I can come and get you. ALL RIGHT. I'LL SHOOT YOU A CALL IN THE MORNING. ALL RIGHT. BYE. UH, WHAT? HE'S SOCKED IN, IN ANCHORAGE. SO, WE ARE STUCK HERE, NOW? YEAH. Man: AND NOW "AL-ASK-US EVERYTHING WITH MITCH." HEH, THAT'S EASY. SEATTLE, RIGHT? THAT'S WHY THEY'RE ALL SLEEPLESS THERE. I'LL GIVE YOU THE ANSWER WHEN WE RETURN, IF I'M STILL AWAKE. Mitch: TURNS OUT, ANCHORAGE HAS MORE ESPRESSO STANDS PER CAPITA THAN ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE U.S. HEY, YOU TRY HAVING WINTER NIGHTS THAT LAST 18 HOURS AND TELL ME YOU COULDN'T USE A CUP OF JOE, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S 60 BELOW. THE WEATHER IS JUST CRAP OVER HERE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? You're just going to have to hunker down till I can come and get you. SO, WE ARE STUCK HERE, NOW? WELL, THINGS DON'T ALWAYS WORK OUT THE WAY THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO, YOU KNOW? I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT, YOU KNOW, THIS IS HOW HOWDY DOODY TIME. WELL, APPARENTLY IT IS, BECAUSE SOMEONE WANTED US TO BE STUCK HERE. YOU DID SAY YOU BROUGHT A TENT, RIGHT? UGH. I GUESS I'LL JUST GRAB THE FISH IF YOU WANT TO GRAB THE PACK. OKAY. Patrice: GOOD THING I GOT THE BIGGEST ONE. WELL, I GOT THE MOST. WELL, YEAH. YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO PLAY CATCH-UP. [ LAUGHS ] THESE ARE GOING TO TASTE GOOD ON THE BARBECUE. YEAH. THIS LOOKS LIKE A GOOD PLACE. ALL RIGHT. RIGHT HERE, YOU SAID? UM, YEAH. THERE'S NO FIVE-STAR HOTELS OUT IN THE BUSH IN ALASKA. OUT HERE, A MAN HAS TO FEND FOR HIMSELF. ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET SOME FIREWOOD, HUH? SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. MORE FISH, MORE WOOD. WOW. YOU DID BETTER THAN I DID. OH. THIS IS NICE, HUH? YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Bryan: WORKING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NOTHING. CAN I HELP YOU? YEAH. WHY DO YOU HAVE SO MANY CUPS ON YOUR DESK? THEY'RE FULL. CAN I HELP YOU WITH SOMETHING? PINK CUPS AND HEARTS BY YOUR NAME? YEAH, SO? [ SCOFFS ] YOU'RE SUCH A WEIRDO. THE FISH WERE DELICIOUS. NOW, WE'RE TOPPING IT OFF WITH AN AFTER-DINNER DRINK. HOW ABOUT A LITTLE NIGHTCAP? HA. YOU HAVE EVERYTHING PLANNED. THE NIGHT'S NOT OVER YET. DIVVY IT UP. LET'S GO. MM. [ COUGHS ] THAT'S POTENT STUFF. GOD. THAT MAKES YOU WARM, IF IT WAS COLD. GOD. GOOD, HUH? YEAH. LET'S GET TO BED. IT'S GETTING COLD OUT. YEAH, IT IS. [ LAUGHS ] DON'T HOG THAT SLEEPING BAG ALL UP. ALL RIGHT. SLEEP TIGHT. I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. THIS IS EMPTY. THIS ONE'S... THIS ONE'S GOT... THE MASTER SALESMAN. YO, TROLLS. HEY, HEY. YOU KNOW WHAT? THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END. HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON? HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAD LAMB STEW LAST NIGHT. DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WORK ORDER NUMBER 7534? YOU GUYS ARE JUST ANNOYING ME. GOODBYE. THAT IS WHY I DON'T DRINK COFFEE. TOLD YOU HE'D BE HERE. [ LAUGHS ] HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM TO SEE HIM. HEY, GUYS. HOW YOU DOING? YOU READY TO GO HOME YET? YOU HAVE NO IDEA. SO, THE WEATHER WAS CRUMMY IN TOWN, HUH? OH, YEAH. JUST ROTTEN, YEAH. I'M HAVING A HARD TIME BELIEVING THAT. BEAUTIFUL HERE. WHAT, DO YOU THINK HE PAID ME EXTRA TO LEAVE YOU OUT HERE? I DON'T KNOW. YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD HIM LAST NIGHT. PATRICE AND I HAD A NICE, LONG TALK LAST NIGHT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? WE ARE BETTER AS FRIENDS. WHERE'S ALL THE FISH AT? YEAH, WE ATE IT ALL. GET US OUT OF HERE. ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE. YEAH, I THINK SHE'S READY TO GO HOME. TODAY IS THE WILD WEST GUNS PRELIMINARY COWBOY COMPETITION. I THINK WE HAVE OUR WINNER. WILD WEST GUNS CAN ONLY SEND ONE COWBOY TO THE ACTION SHOOT. IT'S TIME TO SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS. AND THE GIRL. SORRY, PHRED. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE, TEX? HOW Y'ALL DOING, LITTLE PARTNERS? TODAY IS THE WILD WEST GUNS PRELIMINARY COWBOY COMPETITION. Jim: HEY! HERE HE COMES. WHAT'S HAPPENING, BUD? YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WALKED OUT OF THE SHOP AND JUST THREW SOME GUNS ON. I'M HERE TO SHOW YOU TO SHOOT STRAIGHT TODAY. [ LAUGHS ] HERE'S THE RULES. WE'RE GOING TO SHOOT PISTOLS. AND THE FASTEST AND MOST ACCURATE WINS AND GETS TO REPRESENT OUR SHOP IN THIS COWBOY ACTION SHOOTING. JIM AND I DECIDED THAT INSTEAD OF USING FOUR DIFFERENT GUNS, WE WERE JUST GOING TO USE PISTOLS. AFTER ALL, THAT'S MY AREA OF EXPERTISE. I WISH YOU HAD TOLD ME THAT BEFORE I SPENT 700 BUCKS ON RIFLES, ***. THE ARMADILLO KID NEEDS TO SHOOT. WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAVE YOUR AMMO, AND I'LL WIN IT FOR THE SHOP? YOU TALK ABOUT CONFIDENCE. ALL RIGHT, PARTNER. LET'S DO IT. Ken: OKAY, NOW, PRETEND YOU'RE A YOUNG MAN, LIKE IT'S 1890 AGAIN. READY. [ IMITATES BUZZER ] Phred: GOOD JOB, MITCH. THAT'S RIGHT RESPECTABLE FOR AN OLD SOURDOUGH. I'M NEXT? HEY, HANS. YOU LOOK LIKE A TUMBLEWEED. ARE YOU READY, SHOOTER? [ IMITATES BUZZER ] NICE, HANS. JUST A LITTLE BIT BETTER THAN THROWING ROCKS. I'LL BE NEXT. JUST THREE OUT OF FIVE? I'M GONNA SMOKE THESE GUYS. OKAY, BIGFOOT, YOU READY? WHOOT, WHOOT! OH! I THINK I SAW SMOKE COMING OUT OF THAT STOVEPIPE HAT. KID, YOU LOOK LIKE THE CARPET ON THE CEILING OF A 1967 HIPPIE VAN. BUT YOU SHOOT GREAT. I PRACTICE OFTEN. NEVER DONE IT BEFORE. SHE'S PROBABLY GONNA WIN THE WHOLE DAMN THING. SHOOTER READY? BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! YAY. THERE YOU GO. THANKS. Jim: THINK HE LOOKS LIKE A PINTO HORSE. I THINK HE LOOKS LIKE DIRTY WHITE CARPET. [ LAUGHTER ] SAY WHEN. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. ALL MOUTH, NO HIT. WOW. YOU MANAGED TO SPEAK IN THIS DECADE. [ LAUGHS ] SHOOTER READY? [ IMITATES BUZZER ] I THINK WE HAVE OUR WINNER. GOOD JOB. Jim: SINCE EVERYONE IS CHEERING ME ON, I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING REALLY NICE FOR MY EMPLOYEES. I NOTICED THEY'VE BEEN REALLY INTO THEIR COFFEE HERE LATELY. SO, IF I WIN THIS COMPETITION, I'M GOING TO GET THEM A NEW ESPRESSO MACHINE, SO THEY WON'T HAVE TO EVEN LEAVE THE SHOP. IT'S -- IT'S OKAY. WE DON'T MIND. WE DON'T MIND. ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE HAD PLENTY OF FUN FOR ONE DAY, SO LET'S GO ON BACK TO WORK. I'M GONNA HAVE TO PRACTICE UP FOR NEXT TIME. Phred: WELL, THAT WAS FUN. YEAH, I ENJOYED IT. I STILL THINK BRYAN SHOULD HAVE WON. OH, I KNOW. I'M SURE HE PULLED A FEW FOR JIM. HE IS THE BOSS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? I'M KIND OF WORE OUT. I WAS GOING TO GRAB A CUP OF COFFEE. OOH, THAT SOUNDS REALLY GOOD. WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS COFFEE SHOP? I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO CHECK IT OUT FOR MYSELF. ALL RIGHT. WELL, LET ME CHANGE FIRST. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHTY. GOOD MORNING, HANSY! Hans: HI, SUGAR PLUM. HOW ARE YOU DOING? ALL RIGHT. NOW I GET IT. NOW I SEE WHY THESE GUYS ARE GOING CRAZY OVER THIS PLACE. Hans: WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE? UM, STRAWBERRY VANILLA RED BULL. WOULD YOU LIKE ANYTHING ELSE TODAY? THAT ONE YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME, THAT'S THE BOMB. DO A HALF-CAF WITH WHIPPED CREAM? OH, PLEASE. LOVE THE WHIPPED CREAM. ALL RIGHTY. NOTHING BUT THE BEST. [ LAUGHS ] SO, IS THIS WHY YOU USUALLY COME HERE? FOR THE GOOD SERVICE. [ SCOFFS ] TYPICAL. ALL RIGHT. I THINK I GOT IT. ALL RIGHTY. GAVE YOU A LITTLE EXTRA WHIPPED CREAM. OH, GOOD. LOOK AT IT. IT'S COMING RIGHT OUT THE TOP. YOU'RE WELCOME. BYE, HANSY! THANK YOU. YOU GIRLS HAVE A GREAT DAY. Both: YOU, TOO! Ken: TODAY'S THE BIG DAY -- THE REAL COWBOY SHOOTOUT COMPETITION. THAT SHOULD BE ME UP THERE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WE'RE HERE TO SUPPORT JIM. OH, AND WE MIGHT GET A COFFEE MACHINE OUT OF IT, TOO. HEY, WHAT UP, GUYS? HEY, GANG. JIM HERE YET? NO. NO, WE BEAT HIM. BUT HE'S THE ONE SHOOTING, AND HE'S NOT EVEN HERE AT THE COMPETITION. WHOO! YEAH. STRIDING MANFULLY. HERE HE IS. I LIKE THE FRINGE. YOU LOOK GREAT. YOU'RE GOING TO SHOOT AS GOOD AS YOU LOOK. ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GET OVER HERE AND GET READY TO SHOOT. SEE YOU LATER, MAN. WINNING THIS IS ALL ABOUT SPEED AND ACCURACY. WE USE FOUR DIFFERENT GUNS -- TWO PISTOLS, A RIFLE, AND A SHOTGUN. WHOEVER HITS THE MOST TARGETS THE FASTEST WINS. WOW. THESE GUYS ARE PRETTY GOOD. YAY! WONDER HOW JIM'S GONNA DO. WELL, I GUESS WE GET TO FIND OUT. HERE HE COMES. [ BUZZER ] WHAT THE HELL? OH [BLEEP] THIS COULD BE THE END OF ME. Hans: THAT'S ALL FOR THAT. HE'S DOUBLE-CLUTCHING IT OR SOMETHING. Ken: MAN. IN THE RIFLE PORTION, THINGS WENT BAD FAST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YOU DID A GOOD JOB. YEAH, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE HITCHING? THAT CRAZY RIFLE DIDN'T WANT TO FEED MY AMMO. IT WAS TRYING TO DOUBLE-FEED IT. TAKE THE RIFLE TO A GUNSMITH. TAKE IT TO A GUNSMITH. Jim: SO FAR, THIS COMPETITION'S BEEN PRETTY TOUGH. FOR ANY CHANCE OF ME WINNING ONE OF THOSE TROPHIES, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO COWBOY UP IN THIS NEXT ROUND. READY! YEAH! YEAH, HE'S GOT IT. OH, YEAH! YEAH, YEAH! YOU HAD IT GOING THAT TIME. Mitch: YOU FINISHED. GOOD, BUDDY. Ken: THAT'LL DRAW YOU OUT OF THE BASEMENT. Hans: THAT WAS A LOT BETTER. LOOKED LIKE YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING. IT LOOKED GOOD. HANG TIGHT. WE'RE IN THERE. WE'RE IN THE RUNNING. GET 'ER DONE. GET 'ER DONE. TALLY THE SCORECARDS. Jim: I SHOT THE LIGHTS OUT ON THAT SECOND ROUND. BUT I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S ENOUGH TO GET ME IN THE WINNER'S CIRCLE. ALL RIGHT. IN THE COWBOY CATEGORY, IN FOURTH PLACE, TOP GUN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] FOURTH PLACE IS JUST OUT OF THE MONEY. THANK YOU. GOOD SHOOTING. THIRD PLACE, THAD CASTLE. Ken: POOR JIM -- TOSSED OUT OF THE WINNER'S CIRCLE BY A GROWN MAN IN PAJAMAS. AND IN FIRST PLACE IS TAINO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] GOOD SHOOTING. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. JIM DIDN'T WIN, BUT THAT'S OKAY. WE DON'T NEED A COFFEE MACHINE ANYWAY. BACK TO THE COFFEE SHOP. I MAY NOT HAVE WON, BUT DAMN, I LOOKED GOOD DOING IT. Bryan: THERE HE IS. Hans: YOU DID GOOD, JIMMY. YEAH. THANKS, EVERYBODY. I APPRECIATE YOU COMING OUT. Jim: THESE GUYS REALLY ARE MY FAMILY. EVEN WHEN I GET BEAT, THEY'RE HERE CHEERING ME ON. BUY THE BEER. BUY THE BEER. ALL RIGHT. I'LL BUY THE BEER. COME ON, LET'S GO HAVE THEM. CAN WE ALL FIT ON YOUR MULE? Ken: YEAH. HEY, LET'S DO THE WALK. WHISKEY FOR THE MAN. HEY, FOR ADDITIONAL SCENES AND A LOT MORE, CHECK US OUT -- animalplanet.com/wildwestalaska. AND YOU CAN FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK.