Kung Fu Panda Legends of Awesomeness S1E7 - English Transcript

- WA-CHA! HIYA! - AND NOW DREAMWORKS' KUNG FU PANDA: LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS. [gong rings] - HEAR THE LEGENDS OF THE KUNG FU PANDA [scatting] RAISED IN A NOODLE SHOP NEVER SEEKING GLORY OR FAME HE CLIMBED THE MOUNTAINTOP AND EARNED THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME OOH! AHH! YAH! KUNG FU PANDA [scatting] MASTER SHIFU SAW THE WARRIOR BLOSSOM AND MASTER THE SKILLS OF BODACIOUS AND AWESOME KUNG FU PANDA [scatting] HE LIVES AND HE TRAINS AND HE FIGHTS WITH THE FURIOUS FIVE PROTECT THE VALLEY SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING ALIVE OOH! AH! UNGH! KUNG FU PANDA LEGENDS OF AWESOMENESS SWEET! - YOGA BEGINS BY CENTERING YOUR ENERGY. - GAH! - ONLY THEN CAN YOU ALLOW THE CHI TO FLOW IN, DOWN, AND BACK OUT. - [grunting] - BREATHING IS KEY. - BREATHE. HOW'S THIS? [takes a deep breath] - BREATHE OUT. - [exhales heavily] - BREATHE IN. BREATHE OUT. BREATHE IN. BREATHE OUT. - [groaning] I FEEL LIKE I'M BREATHING TOO MUCH. PASSING OUT. THAT WAS AWESOME! I DO FEEL AT PEACE. - MASTER SHIFU! THERE'S AN URGENT MESSAGE FOR MANTIS. [rattling] - WHAT DOES IT SAY? - IT SAYS "NEED YOUR HELP. "URGENT. HAO MING. " [gasps] HAO MING! - WHAT'S A HAO MING? - SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MANTIS IN THE WORLD. AND MY EX-FIANCÉE. - WAIT, WHAT? YOU WERE GONNA GET MARRIED? - YEAH. BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT. SHE MUST BE IN TROUBLE. I NEED TO GO BACK TO MY VILLAGE. - WE'LL GO WITH YOU. - UH, HMM YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S OKAY. MY VILLAGE DOESN'T REALLY LIKE SNAKES. SORRY, OR TIGERS. OR MONKEYS ORCRANES. IT'S A REALLY SMALL TOWN. - WHAT ABOUT ME? CAN - NO. - I - NO. - PLEASE? - NO! - YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY. - YOU WANT TO COME. - LOVE TO. - [sighs] REALLY IT'S BEST IF I GO ALONE. - HUH. THAT'S WEIRD. I MEAN, WHO WOULDN'T WANNA BRING THE DRAGON WARRIOR BACK TO THEIR HOMETOWN WITH THEM? - PO, FOLLOW MANTIS IN CASE HE NEEDS BACK UP. - OOH, DRAGON WARRIOR STEALTH MODE. QUIET LIKE A CAT. - [growls] - HEH, SEE? QUIET? BYE. - HMM? WAIT. HUH? [suspenseful music] - WHOOSH! [scatting] [yelps] HMM. [groans] STEALTH MODE DRAGON WARRIOR MENTAL STEALTH LOG, ENTRY ONE. I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING MANTIS FOR A DAY AND A HALF NOW. AND HE HAS NO IDEA. - PO. - OH! [chuckles nervously] HEY, MANTIS. WHAT IS-- I WAS-- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALL THE WAY OUT HERE? - [growls] TALK! - SHIFU WANTED ME TO FOLLOW YOU. GUESS HE THOUGHT SOMETHING WAS UP. - WHAT? "UP"? HEY, THAT-- THAT'S CRAZY. LET'S JUST GO BACK TO THE JADE PALACE AND FORGET ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. - BUT WE'RE ALMOST THERE. I WANNA SEE WHERE YOU GREW UP. - YEAH, UM, HOW 'BOUT YOU WAIT HERE AND, UH, KEEP AN EYE OUT? AND I'LL GO SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING. COME ON, THEN I'LL COME BACK AND GET YOU. WHAT DO YOU SAY, BUDDY? - BUT WE'RE ALREADY HERE. - UH PO, LISTEN. THERE'S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU. SEE, A COUPLE YEARS AGO, HAO MING LEFT ME CROUCHING AT THE ALTAR. - DID SHE FORGET SOMETHING? - MY HEART. - NO! YOUR TEENY, TINY LITTLE HEART? - I WAS OUT OF MY MIND. - TEENY, TINY LITTLE MIND? - I WAS MAD AND I WANTED HER TO REGRET IT, SO I TOLD A LIE. - A TEENY, TINY LITTLE-- - I GET IT! I'M SMALL! - I DON'T LIKE THAT SOME LADY BROKE YOUR HEART, EVEN IF IT IS TINY. - THANKS, PO. YOU'RE A REAL FRIEND. THAT'SWHY I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING. - OH! IT'S THE DRAGON WARRIOR! - THE DRAGON WARRIOR IS HERE! [cheering] - AWW, YOU TOLD PEOPLE I WAS COMING? all: LONG LIVE THE DRAGON WARRIOR! LONG LIVE THE DRAGON WARRIOR! - MANTIS? all: LONG LIVE THE DRAGON WARRIOR! LONG LIVE THE DRAGON WARRIOR! - THANK YOU, FANS. IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK HOME. - LET US NOW CELEBRATE HIS TRIUMPHANT RETURN WITH THE JIG OF HAPPY! all: THE JIG OF HAPPY! [cheerful music] - SO, BUDDY, ANYTHING YOU WANNA FILL ME IN ON? ANYTHING AT ALL THAT MAYBE I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT? THIS RINGIN' ANY BELLS? - OKAY, OKAY. I-I WANTED TO SEEM LIKE A BIG SHOT SO I COULD BURN MY EX-GIRLFRIEND FOR DUMPING ME, SO I TOLD EVERYONE I WAS THE DRAGON WARRIOR. - WHAT? - [gasps] THERE SHE IS. - SHE DEFINITELY KNOWS HOW TO MOVE HERPOINTY DEALIES. - LOOK, DON'T WORRY, ALL RIGHT? I'LL TELL EVERYONE AS SOON AS THEY'RE DONE. EVEN IF SHE SEES I'M A TOTAL FRAUD, A LOSER. - ORYOU COULD JUST KEEP ON BEING THE DRAGON WARRIOR. - WHAT--BUT-- - IT'S OKAY. AS YOUR FRIEND, I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO BE ME. AND TO RUB HER TINY LITTLE NO I IN IT. - OH, THAT WOULD BE REALLY, REALLY GREAT! UH, BUT WAIT, IF I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR, WHO ARE YOU? - I COULD BE YOUR SIDEKICK! - GREAT! - THERE'S JUST ONE PROBLEM. MY AWESOMENESS. HMM, I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO HIDE MY NATURAL BODACITY. I NEED A COSTUME AND PROPS. YEAH, YEAH, A WHOLE SIDEKICK PERSONA. - MANTIS! JOIN US, DRAGON WARRIOR. - PLEASE WELCOME THE DRAGON WARRIOR AND HIS SIDEKICK. - OH, THIS EYE PATCH IS GONNA TAKE SOME GETTING USED TO. GREETINGS, ALL. [garbled noises] THOUGHT I'D ADD SOME WEIRD NOISES TO THE SIDEKICK THING FOR A LITTLE FLAVOR. - SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, DRAGON WARRIOR. - OH, HELLO, MISS? - HAO. - HAO. YES. I THINK I GOT ONE OF YOUR URGENT MESSAGES. I WAS IN A PILE OF URGENT MESSAGES. - MM, IT WAS AN URGENT MESSAGE, BUT IT WAS MORE ABOUT ME URGENTLY MISSING YOU. - OOH. - THERE'S AN EMPTY SEAT NEXT TO MINE, DRAGON WARRIOR. - I SUPPOSE, AS LONG AS THERE'S NOTHING BLOCKING ME IF I HAVE TO BE AWESOME. - SO, PO, BEING THE DRAGON WARRIOR'S SIDEKICK, YOU MUST BE A BIT OF A KUNG FU MASTER YOURSELF, EH? - UH, ME? NO WAY. I'M HOPELESS WITH THAT STUFF. I LEAVE IT UP TO THE AWESOME DRAGON WARRIOR, YEAH. I WOULDN'T KNOW A "NUN" FROM A "CHUK. " [chuckles nervously] KOO-KOO-KREE! - SO, HOW DID YOU COME TO BE THE DRAGON WARRIOR'S SIDEKICK? - UH, UH, YEAH. UH, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? - UH, WELL, UH, THE DRAGON WARRIOR, WHO IS TOTALLY AMAZING, SAVED MY LIFE. SEE, I USED TO BE A DIRT-POOR FARMER OF DIRT. AND ONE DAY I WAS DIGGING IN, YOU KNOW, DIRT. AND I WOKE A SLEEPING DIRT-- NO, I MEAN ROCK MONSTER! NOT KNOWING ANY KUNG FU MYSELF, I FIGURED I WAS DONE FOR, WHEN SUDDENLY, OUT OF NOWHERE, THE AWESOMELY BODACIOUS DRAGON WARRIOR APPEARED! AWESOMELY. FROM THE GROUND WHERE I LAY HELPLESS, I WAS ABLE TO VIEW THE MOST PHENOMENAL DISPLAY OF DRAGON WARRIOR SKILLS EVER SEEN BY PANDA EYES. [explosion] IT WAS SO AWESOME, ONE OF MY EYES ACTUALLY CLOSED FOREVER. LEGEND HAS IT THAT IT NEVER AGAIN WANTED TO LOOK UPON SOMETHING THAT WASN'T AS AWESOME AS THE DRAGON WARRIOR HIMSELF. I BEGGED HIM TO LET ME BE HIS SIDEKICK, AND EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T QUALIFIED, HE LET ME HANG AROUND. HIS LIFE REALLY TURNED AROUND AFTER YOU. HE'S GOT LADY FRIENDS OUT THE *** NOW. GUESS YOU MISSED THE BOAT, LADY. - IT'S TRUE. I HAVE ALWAYS REGRETTED LEAVING YOU. YOU WERE THE MOST-- - I LOVE YOU, TOO! - OOH, BURN, TAKE THAT-- WAIT, WHAT? - I'VE NEVER FORGOTTEN YOU EITHER. - YES, YOU DID, YOU COMPLETELY FORGOT HER. HAO WHO? - NO, I DIDN'T-- - SHH, YOU'RE BLOWING IT. STOP SAYING FROU FROU STUFF, 'CAUSE SHE'S TOTALLY NOT REGRETTING IT. - YEAH, FROU FROU. HAO [ethereal music] WILL YOU HAVE THIS HUMBLE HERO AS YOUR BOYFRIEND? - YES. - [groans] - LIAR! FRAUD! YOU'RE NO HERO! - I CAN EXPLAIN. - YOU SAY YOU'RE THE DRAGON WARRIOR, BUT REALLY YOU'RE - [garbled noises] - A GIRLFRIEND THIEF! - OOH? - YOU TOOK MY LADY. AND YOU WILL PAY FOR IT. - HAO, WHO'S THIS OLD GUY? - UH, THAT'S MY EX-FIANCÉ. - WHEN DID YOU BREAK UP? - 2 HOURS AND 17 MINUTES AGO. BECAUSE OF YOU, DRAGON WARRIOR! - BECAUSE I REALIZED THE TRUTH OF ME LOVING YOU. - BECAUSE YOU'RE THE DRAGON WARRIOR! - NOT TRUE. I LOVE MANTIS FOR WHO HE IS! - OH! - YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO SORRY. [whistles] - WHO ARE YOU, LITTLE GUY? - I'M SAI SO, DOSU'S SIDEKICK. [whistles] - OH, WOW, THE WHISTLING. NICE TOUCH. I'M STUCK WITH THIS BIG LOUD THING. GLARF! - WE CHALLENGE YOU AND YOUR SIDEKICK TO A FIGHT SO WE KNOW WHO THE REAL HERO IS! TOMORROW, NOON, THE TOWN SQUARE. DON'T BE LATE. - [gasps] - OH, WE'LL BE THERE. - SEE YA, SUCKERS. [whistles] - THEY SEEM NICE. [garbled noises] - [humming] [scatting] - MANTIS? - WHAT AN AMAZING NOSE YOU HAVE, PO. BEAUTIFUL. - UH YOU OKAY? - AM I OKAY? YES! I'M FANTASTIC! THE DRAGON WARRIOR THING WORKED. SHE LIKES ME, PO. SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT ME. AND I'M-- I'M IN LOVE. - THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. - I KNOW! - [groans] BETTER SAVE THAT KICKING FOR THE FIGHT. - OH, RIGHT. THE FIGHT, I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THAT. HAO AND I MADE PLANS TO LIE ON THE GRASS AND LOOK UP AT THE CLOUDS AND SAY THEY LOOK LIKE BUNNIES AND ELEPHANTS AND STUFF. - I CAN'T FIGHT THOSE GUYS, MANTIS. IF I START FIGHTING THEM, THEY'LL SEE I'M ACTUALLY GOOD. SO GOOD THAT THEY'LL FIGURE OUT THAT I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR. AND HAO WILL KNOW YOU ARE NOT. - [gasps] NO! NO! OH! THAT CAN'T HAPPEN, PO! THAT CAN'T HAPPEN! I'M IN LOVE! I'M IN LOVE! [crying] PO, YOU CANNOT FIGHT THOSE GUYS. I'LL BE THERE. UH, NOON. - HEH, I'M SURE HE'LL BE HERE. PROBABLY GOT CAUGHT UP DOING SOMETHINGAWESOME. [garbled noises] YEAH. I WISH I COULD HELP, BUT IT'S NOT LIKE BEATING UP A HELPLESS HALF-BLIND GUY WITH A BUM LEG IS REALLY GONNA QUENCH YOUR-- - [screaming] - OKAY. [groaning] OW, OW, OW, WATCH THE FACE. THE BUTT IS BETTER. I DON'T EAT WITH IT. OW! - TELL THE DRAGON WARRIOR WE'LL BE BACK HERE AT 2:00. HE BETTER SHOW UP IF HE KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD FOR HIM. AND YOU TOO. - [humming] OOH, PO! OH, MAN, WHAT HAPPENED? - THERE WAS A FIGHT AT NOON. - OH! GAH! I'M SO SORRY, PO. I'M A LITTLE GOOFY ON LOVE! THERE WAS THIS ONE CLOUD AND IT-- IT JUST HAD THIS SORT OF-- - MANTIS! - SORRY. WELL, ARE YOU OKAY? - [sighs] NOTHING HURT BUT MY PRIDE. AND A COUPLE OF RIBS, AND I'VE LOST THE FEELING IN TWO FINGERS, BUT YOU CAN DO ME A SOLID BY KICKING THOSE GUYS' BUTTS AT 2:00. - AND THAT'S JUST WHAT I'M GONNA DO. RIGHT AFTER HAO TAKES ME TO MEET HER PARENTS. - WHAT? - I KNOW! ISN'T IT GREAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE TAKEN ME TO MEET THEIR PARENTS? - NONE? - LESS! I AM REALLY MAKING PROGRESS. AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU. - [groans] I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, MANTIS. BUT I'M SERIOUS, MAN, YOU NEED TO BE THERE AT 2:00. - YOU CAN COUNT ON ME, PAL. BUT DON'T FIGHT THEM. - [whistles] - UH PRETTY SURE HE'S JUST A COUPLE OF BLOCKS AWAY. 'CAUSE THE DRAGON WARRIOR'S WORK IS NEVER-- [gong rings] - [screams] - [groans] - I CAN DO 6:00. - [grunting] [gong rings] UH-OH. [spits] - PO! OH, IS IT 6:00 ALREADY? - IT'S 9:00. - OH, HEY, YOU ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE YOU NEED THAT CRUTCH NOW. - I DO NEED THIS CRUTCH NOW. AND LISTEN TO THIS. [bones cracking] BONES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SOUND LIKE THAT, MANTIS. - UH, I'M SORRY. LOOK, NEXT TIME-- - THERE'S NOT GONNA BE A NEXT TIME. YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO THE DRAGON WARRIOR NAME. - PO! - DON'T "PO" ME, MANTIS. THE DRAGON WARRIOR'S SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR THOSE WHO NEED HIM, NOT JUST THINK ABOUT HIMSELF. AS SOON AS MY SIGHT COMES BACK, I'M LEAVING. - WHAT? WHAT? NO! NO, P-PLEASE, NOT NOW. - BECAUSE? - BECAUSE HAO AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED. - [chokes] WHA--? - ISN'T IT GREAT? I'M GONNA MARRY THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS! - MARRIAGE? THAT MEANS-- - TOGETHER FOREVER! - MANTIS, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? YOU WERE JUST GONNA MAKE HER A LITTLE JEALOUS AND THEN SKEDADDLE. THEY NEED US IN THE VALLEY OF PEACE. I'M THE-- - SHH! - [whispers] DRAGON WARRIOR. THIS IS ALL A LIE. - AND A GREAT IDEA. THANKS. I'LL TELL HER THE TRUTH EVENTUALLY. SHOULDN'T BE MORE THAN A FEW YEARS. - MANTIS, YOU ARE NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR. - [laughs nervously] OH, YOU AND YOUR LABELS. THIS IS BIGGER THAN THAT. LOVE, PO! LOVE! IT'S ALL AROUND US, BABY. ALL THE KINGS AND QUEENS WITH ALL THE RICHES IN THE WORLD ARE NOTHING WITHOUT LOVE. AND I'VE GOT IT! PO, I'VE GOT IT RIGHT HERE IN MY LITTLE CLAW. HOW CAN YOU NOT BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST? - ALL I'VE BEEN IS THERE FOR YOU. BUT WHEN I NEEDED YOU TO BE THERE FOR ME, YOU WERE JUST THERE FOR YOU! AND HAO. AND I DON'T MEAN "AND HOW," I MEAN "AND HAO," LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND HAO. - I GOT IT. BUT PO-- - NO MORE, MANTIS. I'M GOING HOME. - NO, PO, DON'T GO. [sighs] - TRY TO HELP A GUY OUT, AND WHAT DOES IT GET YA? BUTT-KICKINGS AND A BIG MOUTHFUL OF DISAPPOINTMENT AND LESS TEETH. AND--AND NOTHINGNESS. LET'S SEE THAT RED MANTIS DUDE AND HIS WHISTLING BUDDY TAKE ME ON WHEN I'M REALLY TRYING. WAH! HAH! WA-CHA! HIYA! SAY HELLO TO THE DRAGON WARRIOR. - WAIT-- HOW? UHYOU'RE THE DRAGON WARRIOR. NOT MANTIS. - HUH? ME? AH, NO. [raspberries] HA, I'M TOO LAME AND HUSKY TO BE HIM. - THEN HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY DO SUCH AMAZING KUNG FU? - NIGHT CLASSES? - WE HAVE TO TELL HAO. SHE'S MARRYING A FRAUD! [whistles] - SAI SO, LET'S TEAR THAT MANTIS APART. - NO, NO, NO! YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE. HORG! - IT IS A MOST THRILLING AND SOLEMN OCCASION WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN DECIDE TO UNITE FOREVER. - HAO MING! I HAVE SOME INTERESTING NEWS FOR YOU ABOUT YOUR DRAGON WA-- - OH, MY GOSH, SO SORRY, HOW EMBARRASSING. SORRY TO BE LATE, OH, MIGHTY DRAGON WARRIOR. KEEP GOING! [fighting in background] - RIGHT. BEFORE WE BEGIN, DOES ANYONE HAVE A JIG OF OBJECTION THEY-- - SKIP THAT PART! - UM, THE READING OF POETRY-- - SKIP IT! - THAT GUY IS NOT THE DRAGON WAR-- - DRAGON WARRIOR, YOU MAY NOW SAY YOUR VOWS. - UH, I WROTE THESE MYSELF. [clears throat] REMEMBER WHEN I WAS FOUR AND YOU WERE THREE? - FRAUD! - SPEED IT UP, MANTIS. - REMEMBER WHEN I WAS 16 AND YOU WERE 15? - FASTER! - PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR, AND RESPECT-- - HAO, THAT GUY IS LYING-- - WEDDINGS ALWAYS MAKE ME CRY. LET'S JUST HOLD EACH OTHER FOR A MINUTE. - [gasping] LYING. - A-HA! - HAO, WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY YOUR VOWS? - MY DEAREST DRAGON WARRIOR, SINCE THE DAY I FIRST HEARD THERE WAS A DRAGON WARRIOR, I KNEW I WANTED TO BE MRS. DRAGON WARRIOR. [echoing] DRAGON WARRIOR, DRAGON WARRIOR. [in slow-motion] DRAGON WARRIOR. - NO. AND HIYA! - [whistles] - GET OFF MY FRIEND! [dramatic music] [grunting] - MANTIS IS NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR. - IF HE'S NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR, THEN WHO IS? - THIS GUY. [crowd gasping] - UM. - WHAT, ME? [raspberries] THE DRAGON WARRIOR? RIDICULOUS! I CAN'T EVEN WALK. SEE? - STOP! I CAN'T WATCH YOU DO THIS, PO. IT'S PAINFUL. EVERYONE, I AM NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR! - WHAT? THE WEDDING IS OFF. - NOT ONLY AM I NOT THE DRAGON WARRIOR, I'M NOT WORTHY TO BE HIM. THAT GUY IS WORTHY. HE'S MY BEST FRIEND. AND HE DOESN'T CARE IF I'M THE DRAGON WARRIOR. HE TOOK SEVERAL BEATINGS AND HUMILIATED HIMSELF EVEN MORE THAN USUAL JUST SO I COULD MARRY A WOMAN WHO DOESN'T EVEN DESERVE ME. - [stammering] I DON'T DESERVE YOU? [scoffs] YOU DON'T DESERVE ME. - GOODBYE, HAO. - WELL, DOSU, LOOKS LIKE YOUR LADY'S BACK ON THE MARKET. GOOD LUCK. - THANK YOU, DRAGON WARRIOR. - [groaning] - PO, PO, YOU CAN'T WALK LIKE THAT. [sighs] GET ON MY SHOULDERS. - IT'S OKAY. - I'LL CARRY YOU. I'LL BE FINE. [grunting]