Desperate Housewives S8E15 - English Transcript

Previously on Susan discovered that Porter was the father of Julie's baby. No, the father will be an adoptive parent who has gone through extensive interviews - and a background check. - Both of you, stop. I wanna keep it. Then Lynette found out No, no, no! He can't be having a baby! Gaby took in a houseguest Karen kicked me out. And Karen got bad news. The cancer's back. Ben's money problems took a toll Let's get you to the hospital. And Renee stepped in. Normally, I'd never take a check, but I know where you live. Orson returned How would you feel about a change of scenery Maine? With a plan. You won't believe where it's going to end up. When it came to raising her children, Lynette Scavo was used to doing things without help. Her husband would often travel on business or rush out to important meetings or sneak out for a game of golf. But just because Lynette was used to doing everything herself You done yet? Didn't mean she liked it. Yes, I'm done. Thank you for your help. Okay, uh, I wanna thank you both for joining me. I know you're worried about my decision to be a single father. No, not worried. More like panicked and terrified. Well, I'm here to let you know that as of today, I've got everything under control. I got a job. Just working in a restaurant, but it's decent pay, and there's health insurance for me and the baby. Well, that is great news. L-Lynette, don't you want to tell our son that's great news? I'm waiting for the "But. " There doesn't have to be a "But. " It's Porter. There's always a "But. " But they don't exactly provide child care. At a restaurant? That's so weird. They usually have a whole play area between the knife block and the deep fryer. So I'll need a little help with the baby. How much help? I don't know. Eight hours A day every day until She turns 18? No. She could be super smart and end up going to college at 15. Aw, sweetie, she's not gonna be super smart. Lynette. Porter, I'm sorry. I am not gonna keep telling you what a bad idea raising this baby is. You're a grownup and you've made your own decision, and I'm even starting to make my peace with it. But? But I can't raise her for you. - We-we-we can barely take care of this one. - Yeah. Wait. Wait. Where-where did she go? I thought you were watching her. Well, it's your house. I'm sorry. You're gonna have to make other arrangements. I found her! Wow. I don't know what I was thinking, expecting you to care about my baby. I mean, you're only the grandmother. I am happy to be her grandmother. I will fill her room with stuffed animals. I will feed her ice cream behind your back. I will spoil her like nobody's business. But when it comes to the heavy lifting, I am done. Or will be very shortly. Okay. I see where you're coming from. I guess I'll have to find some stranger to watch over little baby Lynette. Lynette? You were gonna name your daughter after me? That's incredibly touching. It changes nothing. Yes, Lynette Scavo had raised her children without much help Here you go. Practice. And she was determined that Porter do the same. Orson Hodge had a plan. He was determined to reclaim the heart of a woman whose loss he had never gotten over. He loved her so deeply that he was willing to be patient and obsess over every detail until at last, the moment arrived when she was just within reach. Okay, open. What is this? It's a little book of inspiration I put together for you. I wanted to show you some pictures of my cottage in Maine. It's right on the coast. Look. See? There's the lighthouse. Oh! These photographs are breathtaking. It's even more beautiful in person, when you hear the foghorn and you you breathe in the sea air. Oh, I feel it already. Hmm. Oh, Orson, I can't tell you how happy this makes me. This is exactly what I need right now. Absolutely. You deserve a break after all that ghastly business you've been through lately. Yeah, the ***, the investigation, all those chilling letters you received. Letters? Yes, the letter you received after the *** and the one after Chuck Vance was killed. I never told you about the second letter. That's right. I heard about it from Lynette. You talked to Lynette about the letters? Yes. The other day, when she came over with the girls. Personally, I thought it was very indiscreet of her, but, well Yet another example of how those women can't be trusted. Oh, let me show you this one. It's my favorite. That patch of dirt is your favorite? Fresh-tilled soil in a raised bed, overlooking the ocean. The perfect place for you to plant a garden. Oh, Orson, I can't remember when I've been this excited. You have truly thought of everything, haven't you? Let's hope so, darling. And our Doppler radar will be tracking those scattered showers as they move from eastern Pennsylvania right into the western Pennsylvania area. Now when we come I could hear that at the store! Oh, no. One of your girls having a birthday? I can only imagine them on cake. No. This is for Carlos. He's coming home Thursday. You got a bottle of champagne for a guy getting out of rehab? What, they were all out of ***? No, this is for me. This whole rehab thing has been very stressful. So this is his big homecoming, watching you get loaded? And a balloon. That guy puts up with a lot from you. What's that supposed to mean? Why don't you think of someone other that yourself just once in your life? You're right. It's horrible here. So why don't you just walk out the front door? Believe me, I would if I had anyplace else to go. Well, as the balloon tells us, Carlos is coming home soon. So what's your plan? I thought we'd watch the basketball game, maybe do a little grilling. Carlos always liked my tri-tip. Well, you know who else likes your tri-tip? Karen. Yeah, she does. I'm talking about steak, Roy! Isn't it time you two patched things up? Send her some flowers. Make nice. I tried all that. If she wants me back, she knows where to find me. Now after the break, we'll answer all your burning questions about barometric pressure, so make sure you stick around. How'd it go with Julie? Made it to the train with time to spare. I think she was eager to get back to school. I was sort of hoping she'd change her mind and come back with you. "Guess what, mom? I decided to stay. " Well, give her some time. You never know. I think I know. Porter? Is everything okay? No. Everything pretty much sucks. I thought I had a job, but my mom says it's not good enough. So I wrote up a resume. Well, this looks great. I mean, any boss would be lucky to have you. I mean, you're young, energetic. You had a paper route and you're "proficient in martial arts", though not proficient in spelling it. What was the job that your mom said wasn't good enough? Waiting tables at the Carlyle. I mean, I know it sounds kinda lame, but it's a stepping-stone. I'd take classes, learn about the business try to work my way into management. Or even own my own restaurant, just like my parents used to. Wow, Porter, that sounds like an actual plan, and a good one. Yeah. There's just one problem. It doesn't have day care. You should take that job. What will I do with the baby? Well, lucky for you, you happen to be looking at Fairview's finest day care provider. Porter, me. I'm the day care. When the baby is born, you just drop her off with me whenever you need. I will spoil the heck out of her. You don't mind being stuck with a baby all day? It's a baby. Who could be stuck? My mother, for one. Well, for me, it's a dream come true. Honestly, you would be doing me a favor. Thank you, Mrs. Delfino. Oh, you know what? You're gonna be raising my daughter's child. I think it's about time you started calling me "Susan". Or better yet, "grandma". No. Susan. Son of a ***! What are you doing? I just noticed you had some flowers delivered, and I was snooping to see who they were from. - You wanna know who? - No. They're from Roy! He wants you back! I just saw you cutting those roses from Bree's garden. No, you didn't. You're old. You can't see anything. You've got clippers in your pocket. You have clippers in your pocket! Your finger's bleeding. Your finger's bl All right, can I just come in? Come on. Look, Roy may be too proud to send flowers himself, but he misses you. Whatever. Why are you being like this? Just get over your silly fight and take him back. He's crazy about you. Really? Then how come you're over here and not him? 'Cause I'm kinda to blame for this? I fed the flames of your little spat because, let's face it, I'm selfish. My girls were out of control, and Roy's a genius at scaring the crap out of kids. But now Carlos is coming back, so I'm all about you two being lovebirds again. Save your breath, Gaby. It's not gonna happen. What's going on with you two? You know, none of your damn business! Now take your stolen flowers and your clippers and Karen, what's the matter? Nothing. I'm on new medication. Sometimes I get a little light-headed. You don't look so good. I'm-I'm gonna go and lie - Lie down. - Karen! Karen! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Okay. Hi. I need an ambulance right away. Hey, guys. Whatcha doing? I'm helping Mrs. Delfino paint the nursery. Nursery? It's a room where babies live. Yes, thank you. Why would Susan need a nursery? You didn't tell her? I volunteered to look after the baby so Porter could start that new restaurant job. Yeah. He said you didn't want to be stuck taking care of her all the time, and I'm thrilled to do it. That's really nice of you. And of course it goes without saying that you are welcome to come over and play anytime with my granddaughter. Our granddaughter. Uh, sorry. Oh, mom. I-I wanted to ask, can we take the old bassinet? My bassinet? The one all five of you kids slept in? Yeah. That's why I thought it was cool. Now my kid gets to sleep in it. Doesn't it make you want to cry? Yeah. Yeah, it does. Renee. What are you doing here? Learning ten new ways to cook kale. And letting you know your financial troubles are over. What do you mean? I met with your loan shark a sentence I never thought I'd be saying and I settled your account. All you have to worry about now is getting better. I told you I didn't want you to do that. I think the words you're looking for are "Thank you. " I'm serious. I didn't want you to get involved in this. Look, if you and I are gonna keep hanging out, there's something you need to know about me. I do what I want. Thank you. But I want to be perfectly clear. I-I will be paying you that money back. Oh, I know. And it's probably gonna take a while. Good thing I'm not going anywhere. It could be years. Shh. Just lie there and look pretty. Uh, come in! And don't be an ax murderer! Hey, kids, dad's home! What's going on, Tom? Kinda busy right now. Actually, that is why I am here. Parker, Penny, you guys around? - Hey, guys. - Hey, dad. Go pack your bags. I've tried that, Tom. They come back. I figured I'd take 'em off your hands for the rest of spring break. Oh, we're going to your place? - Yeah, yeah, yeah! - Cool! And you already got plenty of stuff there already, so pack light! This is actually happening? You're taking the kids for an entire week? Well, um, after our talk with Porter, I got to thinking that you never really get any time to yourself. And when I was out of town, you had the kids for weeks. So I owe ya. If we weren't separated, the things I'd do to you Anyway, uh, thank you. It'll be much easier getting things done around here when it's just me and the baby. No, no, no. I'm taking Paige, too. Well, who's gonna watch her while you're at work? Jane. She hasn't taken care of a baby in forever. She's-she's really looking forward to it. Okay, that's really generous. And here comes the herd. Later, mom. Wait, wait. Give me a hug. - Bye. - All right. Love you. Have a good time. I love you. - Have a good time. Mwah! - I love you, mom. I love you, too. So what are you gonna do with all this time to yourself? Oh, that is a problem I look forward to solving. Bye, Paige. Thank you! I spoke with your doctor, and I know. What? Doctors aren't allowed to talk about patients' conditions. Well, they can if you're family, mom. Why didn't you tell anyone the cancer's back? Because this time, I ain't gonna beat it. Oh, you don't know that. Yeah, I do. So this why you've been pushing Roy away. Look at my smart daughter, piecing it together. He doesn't know about any of it? No, and he's not going to. But this is a scary thing. Maybe you should let him help you. Why, so he can be miserable, too? Karen! Roy went through this when his first wife died. I'm not putting him through it again. Gaby, I'm begging you. Don't do this to him. Just don't tell him. Oh! You know what we need here? Over the crib, a mobile with twinkly little butterflies. Those were Julie's favorite. Twinkly butterflies. And, you know, we could put her name on the wall in big, bright letters. Do you have a name yet? I was actually thinking about "Lynette. " For a baby? Let me think about that. Oh! You know what else we could do? A mural. Like, winnie the pooh, and his head is stuck in the honey pot. I brought you guys some coffee, but it sounds like one of you doesn't need it. Oh, I'm not caffeinated. I'm just high on baby. Is there any sugar? Uh, in the kitchen. That baby is gonna feel right at home here. Oh, well, that's why I'm doing this. Uh-huh. Are you gonna keep Julie's bed? Well, she was here first. And besides, I mean, if she if she does come back, she'll need a place to stay. Right. So when Julie comes to visit, she'll be sleeping 4 feet away from the baby she doesn't want. Think I should move Julie's bed? I think you should do whatever makes you happy. Hon, did you find the sugar? That's what I was looking for. Lets just hope the baby takes after Julie. This is the kind of thing that chaps my ***. If Marmaduke ate my pillow, I'd shoot him right in the head. - Hey, Roy? - No, Gaby. I wouldn't actually shoot a dog. It was a joke. I just realized the other day, I don't think I've ever heard you talk about your first wife. Miriam? I didn't even know her name. Miriam. How long were you guys married? She died 2 weeks before our 40th anniversary. Oh, my god. Cancer, right? Brain. Son of a ***, that kind. A real son of a ***. That must have been the worst thing you ever went through. You'd think. Wait, are you saying it wasn't? Sounds weird. It-it's hard to understand. I wanna understand. Okay. When you love somebody, love them a long time, you get lazy. You figure they know it, so you stop saying it so much, stop showing it. Yeah. But when you know you're gonna lose 'em, that they won't be there to hear you say it Oh, boy, you make damn sure they know it every second of every day. I'm so sorry I brought it up. Nah. These? I earned 'em. I was there for Miriam. I told her everything I needed to tell her, held her hand when she was scared. Nah, these don't bother me at all. Oh, Roy. I made a promise to someone, but I'm gonna have to break it. Renee. It's so good to see you again. A loan shark and a Jehovah witness? Not a combo you see often. What? I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I'm a terrible bookkeeper. The cheque you owe me to pay off your boyfriend's loan, I had the amount wrong. Oh, so you're here to give me a refund? Not exactly. I really like this house. Tell me, what does fire insurance cost for a place like this? Okay, why don't you pick up your violin case and drive your big Cadillac back to the "Godfather" movie you crawled out of? You are not gonna intimidate me. You sure about that? It's how I make my living, and business is good. Ah, I get it. You see the sweet suburban neighborhood and think, "I can push those people around. " Well, let me tell you something. I do not come from a place like this. You got all you're gonna get. We're done. I'm the one that decides when we're done. See ya around. Is that everything? - I think so. - Have you taken one last look down the lane, fixed an image in your mind? Why? We'll only be gone for a month. Will we? Something tells me that once you taste one of those delicious Maine lobster rolls, you'll never want to come back. Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves? Promise me you'll keep an open mind. Fine. Mind open. This is gonna sound silly, - but you know what I'm most excited about? - What? We finally get to wear those hats I bought for that alaskan cruise we never got to take. Jiminy Christmas. I left mine at home. Orson! We'll buy another one. But it won't be the same thing. I had them monogrammed, and I always imagined us wearing them on some wonderful adventure together. Oh, that's all right. We'll just stop and get it from your apartment. My apartment? We don't have time for it. Don't be silly. It's on the way. And besides, most people don't get to the airport four hours before their flight. No! No, we can't. Do you know how long it takes to go through security in a wheelchair? Certainly not four hours. Bree, please. Orson, is something wrong? No. No. You're trembling. It's-it's-it's nothing. It's just, you know me and punctuality. Well, this is hardly the way to start that relaxing vacation you've been promising me. You're right. I'm sorry, dear. Apology accepted. Now let's make that the last time we quibble on this trip. Now we're off to your apartment. - Lynette, Porter's not here. - No, I know. I just felt bad you were doing all the work on the nursery, so I freed up some time in my schedule to help. You know, painting, moving furniture, whatever you need. Uh, actually, we already finished. Oh. Can I see it? Of course. Uh, sure. Follow me. I know pink is a little traditional, but then I found this black and white bedding for the bassinet I just love. Makes it feel like a little French girl's room, don't you think? Who's Sophie? Oh! Uh, that's what Porter decided to name the baby. Uh-huh. Porter decided to name the baby after your mother? He did ask me for some suggestions. Interesting. He told me he was naming her Lynette. I know, but baby Lynette? What's wrong with that? Oh, nothing. It's just, "Lynette" is so You - Really? - Well yeah! And you have set the bar so high on that name. Do you want to burden a tiny little baby with trying to live up to that? And nobody thought I'd be interested in hearing about this name change? Oh, my gosh. Are you upset about this? Oh. I thought you were into being the hands-off grandma. Well, I'm trying to get my son to stand on his own two feet, and I guess I didn't count on you being the pushy grandma. I guess your definition of "Pushy" is being helpful and wanting to get involved. Oh, I wanna be involved. It's my granddaughter, too. Well, I don't see you setting up a nursery in your house. Oh, well, maybe I will. There's just one thing I need. - Lynette, give that back! - No. Porter wants it here. He says it pulls the whole room together. Oh, yeah, 'cause Porter has such a keen eye for design. What is going on? What's wrong? What's wrong? You're calling Lynette "Sophie," you're making my son a waiter, and you're trying to turn my granddaughter into a French girl. That's what's wrong! Okay, that doesn't make any sense, and it's incredibly petty. Well, not as petty as trying to steal somebody's grandchild! My first visit to your apartment. I must admit, I'm a bit ashamed I never came by before. Yes, well, truth be told, I'm a bit ashamed of how modest it is. So if it's all the same, I'd prefer it if you wait out here. I'll just be a minute. Absolutely not. I'm sure it's perfectly charming. Actually, it's also a mess. There, I said it. Oh, what you must think of me. Orson, I know you. A "Mess" means you haven't fluffed the sofa pillows today. Now come on. Let's get you that hat. Oh, hell's bells. - What? - I seem to have forgotten my key. - Oh, dear. - Sometimes I think I'd forget my head if it weren't attached to my body. Of course, then I wouldn't need to get my hat. The manager has a master key. Would you mind running down to the office to get it? Of course not. I'll be back in a sec. Orson? I've looked everywhere and I can't find the manager. Don't worry. I'm such a muddle head. I forgot that I keep a spare key in the pouch. It's one of the good things about being in a wheelchair. It's like having a mobile purse. After you. What a lovely place. And, of course, your pillows are perfectly plumped. It served its purpose. And now on to new adventures. - You look very dashing. - Thank you. Uh, let's not dillydally. We-we still have a plane to catch. Oh, we and we must stop by a newsstand in the terminal. The novel I'm reading is simply dreadful. Oh, and I know how much you despise airplane food. Perhaps we can pick up a little bite for you as well. Bree? It was you? You did it? You wrote the letters? Oh, my god. You killed Chuck. Yes. For you. What? He was going to arrest you. I had to do something to stop him. Everything I did, Bree, was to protect you. Protect me? How was writing the letters supposed to protect me? They tormented me, almost drove me to suicide. Well, I'm sorry it went that far. But I knew I had no chance of winning you back unless I could isolate you from those awful friends of yours. So I wrote the letters knowing those women would turn against you, and they did. But why would you want to turn them against me? Because as long as they were in your life, I knew I would always be a distant second, and that wasn't going to be good enough for me! Not this time! I had to have you all to myself. That's how much I love you. You're insane. Bree. Bree, we both know what it means to commit a crime for the greater good. Do not compare yourself to me! I was protecting people I love. You were only pursuing your own selfish desires. No, I did it for both of us! You took advantage of me at the darkest moment of my life. You're a sick, pathetic man, and I know that someday you will pay for your sins. Bree, don't go! You're everything to me! Well, you are nothing to me. And I never wanna see you again. You mind if I come in? Sure, but I've already been screamed at by one Scavo today, so can we keep it civil? If this is about Susan, you can save your breath. Oh, come on, Lynette. I know how much you guys care about each other. Hey, you wanna have sex with me? That'd really *** her off. Uh, I'm going to pass on that, but thanks. Okay. I don't understand why she's so mad at me. She said she wanted nothing to do with Porter's baby. Can I tell you a little secret? That was her first reaction to all five of our kids. Oh, I don't believe that. I mean, she is a great mom. None of this makes any sense. Now we're gettin' somewhere. I just never thought my life would end up like this. It's like I'm turning into white trash. Lynette, I come from white trash. You are nowhere near that. Really? I'm separated, my kid is having a baby out of wedlock, I'm getting into public fights I'm two weeks away from having a washing machine on the porch. Meanwhile, Susan's getting everything she wants. Yeah, I don't think Susan's life is going the way she'd hoped, either. All I know is, she's the one over there painting a nursery for our grandchild. Yeah with your son, not her daughter. That's the thing about Lynette. She always complains that she has to do everything herself. But god help you if you try to do anything for her. I have a bruised tailbone to prove it. I made the same mistake as you. And I was married to her. I should know. What did you do? I took the kids off her hands for a week. And she was fine at first. Then she started calling every ten minutes to remind me to give Paige her medicine or to make sure that Parker wore his retainer. She needs to be needed. Exactly. And given what I've been going through, I kinda get that. Yeah. So if you could, Susan, cut her a break. She's lost a lot. I don't want her losing you, too. I think that's why she's going so overboard on this nursery thing. She hopes it'll get Julie excited about the baby, maybe bring her back. You know, you're taking all my anger away, and that's not gonna leave me anything. Yeah, it will. It'll leave you your friend. Many holes in the metro area. Ladies and gentlemen What you won't do to get out of being married to me. Aw, crap. I knew I couldn't trust the jumping bean to keep her mouth shut. These are for you. Rushing things a bit, don't ya think? Not dead yet. No, but I'm about to kill ya. What the hell were you thinking? I didn't want to put you through this again. Karen, I married you for better or worse. We had the better, and now Well, what if I say I don't want you here? You're an old lady. What are you gonna do about it? I'm scared. I know. Hey, Renee. Hey, uh, just wanted to let you know that Ben's test results just got back, and, uh, everything is normal. He's getting out tomorrow. - That great news. - Oh, and I got more. We're back together, and I have you to thank for that. Well, you don't have to give me credit. Uh, yeah, I do, because if he breaks my heart again, I'm giving you the blame. Hey, did you say you're at the hospital? Yeah. - Is anybody staying at your place? - No. Why? I just thought I saw a light turn on. It's probably nothing, but I'll go check it out. What the hell are you doin'? Some people use voice mail. I preffer to deliver my messages in person So Why don't you just move along before you get involved? Too late. I keep forgetting you're the tough guy around here. Well I don't want any trouble. I don't ever wanna see you again. Then you should have killed me. Hang on. Wait, wait, wait. Surprise! Welcome home! Whoa! Who did this? I did. Really? 'Cause when I got home from prison, all you left me was a post-it note on the fridge, and it said, "Take out the trash, ex-con. " Well, I don't want to take you for granted anymore. You sound like you actually mean that. What's going on? Keren's cancer is back, and it's bad. That's why she threw Roy out. Oh, god. Kind of makes you think. I mean, when we got married, I thought that was the finish line. But it's not. Death is. No one told us that. Yeah, they did. At our wedding, they said, "Till death do us part. " Oh, Carlos, please. I had four glasses of champagne before the ceremony. I almost married your uncle. Oh, come on, Gaby. I mean, the idea that we might die someday must have at least crossed your mind. I just never thought about what it really means, that one of us is gonna die, and the other one's gonna live through it. And if it's you who's first? I don't think I can do it. Yes, you can. You're one of the bravest people I know. Look at what we've been through this year. You've been my rock. I have? Well you and scotch. But from now on, just you. Thank you. And, hey, if it makes you feel any better, you can always take the easy way out die first. What's going on with the name? You didn't change it to "Sop," did you? 'cause that's even worse than "Lynette. " "Lynette" isn't so bad. Thanks for that. You can count it on. Thank you for all the rest of this. So you need anything? The nail holes need to be spackled. Mm. I'm on it. Hello? Bree, it's Orson. Listen to me. Don't you ever call my house again. I can assure you this is the last you'll hear from me. What do you want, Orson? I've been thinking about what you said, and you're right. The sins that have been committed are so reprehensible that a sacrifice must be made. The ultimate sacrifice. Do not consider suicide. That would only be adding more sins to your list. You don't have to judge, Bree. Someone else will do that for you. Good-bye forever. Yes. There are times when we all could use a little help. When our generosity has been repaid with cruelty when our behavior has filled us with regret and when our future has become terribly uncertain. But then there are those who are past the point of help, and in their wake, they leave nothing but destruction.