Where is The Crap on Australian Tv? - The leak

Well this week the story was all about Australian content on the ABC and if you haven't heard let me paraphrase it for you. It turns out when you put less money into our ABC you get less Australian content out of it. Now quality costs money and obviously there have been some excellent Australian programmes being made in this country at the moment. What I want to know is, where's the crap? Because that's what we're missing on our screens at the moment. Crap. Specifically Australian crap. Because sure it's a golden age for quality American drama right now, but it's also a golden age for American crap. Britain is giving us Midsomer Murders and season one of Sherlock. But they're also giving us Bargain Hunt and all other seasons of Sherlock The fact of the matter is television stations need crap, and with the current state of the Australian landscape all we know how to make is well written, flawlessly produced vehicles cut with proven exceptional talent. We used to know how to make crap Remember Bob Morrison? It was a show about a dog who talked. It was crap. Remember Us and Them? It was very clear Rhys Muldoon had no interest in the teacher from Heartbreak High and yet they kept getting set up every single episode. Now days what do we have? Miss Fisher's *** Mysteries? Essie Davis is a national treasure! Makes me angry how good she is and you should be angry too. Art is like science. Why? Because our government has declared war on both of them? Sure, but also you don't run experiments to prove what you already know. Asha Keddie is a young professional juggling a complicated social life? I know I love that show! Stop wasting my time with quality! If our current television landscape was a garden it would be my uncle Salvador's. Clean, pristine, beautiful, and absolutely nothing growing in it. In metropolitan Melbourne we have 30 free to air television stations. Our TV diet should look like this. Instead of repeats of M.A.S.H. why don't we replay Hamish & Andy's first ever show on channel 7? You know, the crap one. Or all the unaired episodes of Yasmin's getting married. Did you know Warnie had a chat show? And that was back when people watch TV. So why are we playing so *** safe now!? Put Doug Mulray and Jackie O together and see if they cancel each other out. "But Anthony I don't want to watch crap." No one wants to watch crap. The crap serves an important function. One of the golden stables of Australian comedy history. One of the best trade shows ever was the degeneration Late Show. Let me let you in on a little secret; That show was crap. It was great, but it was crap. They filmed entire segments on a consumer handy-cam. Why do we remember it being so good? Because we only watch the best bits. That's the trick. You need a healthy garden to cultivate from and a healthy garden needs a good fertilizer. So bring on that crap. Start with Housos and then go even further. Bring back Hot Dogs to late night. Film it on phones and light it with dolphin torches. Put something in the 4:00pm slot that belongs at 11:00 p.m. Take a risk Australia. In fact as it stands, there's only one channel currently still happy to air something crap, that's the channel you're currently watching. And thank God for that.