Lost in Space S1E9 - English Transcript

[ Man Narrating ] Last week, as you recall, a blistering wave of heat had settled over our space family's campsite along with a strange, unearthly silence. Well, one thing-- once we get this water conversion unit insulated we won't have to worry about evaporation. Do you hear anything? No. Will, will you ask Don and Judy to come in now? Lunch is almost ready. Yes, ma'am. [ Crashing ] Did you hurt yourself? Is there gonna be a storm? Aah! It's a quake! Where's Judy? She's outside with Don! [ Loud Rumbling ] Don! Hurry! Hurry! - Hurry! - Get to the ship! - No! - Go, now! Dad, help him! Help him! Don! - Don! - [ Grunts ] Don! Don! What happened? [ Screams In Pain ] - Ow! - Don't move. Don't move. Stay there. I'll get a lever. Stay there. [ Groaning ] Hurry! Hurry! [ Straining ] Can you-- Can you move it? No! Try to slide your foot out. Slide! [ Panting ] Easy, easy. Get you off the ground. Can I help? Yeah. You can get his boot. [ John Thinking ] Although we've survived the earthquake and Major West's injuries have fortunately proved to be minor the eccentric orbit of this hostile planet has now confirmed our fears that its sun would soon be a pitiless enemy. The land shrivels under its blinding heat and the conservation of water has become our greatest problem. Did you get a reading on the outside temperature, Dad? - Yes, it's dropped two degrees. - That's good. What's good about 145 instead of 147? It might just as well have stayed where it was. Penny, you make that move, you lose the Big Dipper. [ Will ] That's no fair, telling her what to do. He didn't have to tell me. I knew it myself. - I'll bet. - Well, it was on my mind. - Hmph. - Okay, kids, stop arguing and let's get on with the game. By rights, that Big Dipper belongs to me! [ Sighs ] Does not, Will. - I'm not gonna play with a bunch of cheaters. - Oh! Oh, now, come on. Now, stop this bickering. John, do you think it would be all right if we made an exception and gave them their water ration now? Sure. There we are, now. Water break. Will. - Penny. - Thank you. Now, don't gulp it. Make it last. - Can it be fixed? - I doubt it. It's just as badly corroded as the others. Well, exactly how many does that leave in operation? One, and that's it. At the rate of flow one fluid minim every 20 seconds. Not enough to moisten a toothbrush. I wouldn't plan on putting a swimming pool in this season. - When's the last time you checked the storage tank? - Last night. We're down to 24 gallons. Well, at our present rate of consumption, that leaves us about a 14-day supply. And not allowing for evaporation. Do you have to be so good at arithmetic? [ John ] We can't stay at this peak heat forever. Fact or prediction? Little of both, I guess. Well, in that case, until we know which way this crazy planet's going to jump I suggest we cut the water rations now. No, before we do that, I think we'd better check the tank and see what we can do about reducing evaporation. Okay. - How much did you say was in this tank? - Twenty-four gallons. Two gallons? You're right. That doesn't leave us much more than a 24-hour supply. No sign of a leak here. That water couldn't have just evaporated overnight. - Where's the spigot? - Locked in my desk. Let's make sure. ## [ Dr. Smith, Robot Singing Opera ] ## [ Singing Continues ] ## [ Stops ] I ought to kick you clear into orbit for taking a shower at a time like this! I couldn't wait another day. I was losing precious body fluids besides feeling very icky. - How much is left in the tank? - He got it all. There wasn't much to begin with, and my hair is still soapy. I hope it falls out in bunches! That remark was uncalled for, Major. Don't you realize what you've done? You've washed your grubby hide in what is practically the last of our drinking water! How did you get it out of the tank? Did you steal the spigot? I did not. I used suction. Well, that figures. I'll bet that's how you could sneak gas out of cars - when you were a teenager. - I was never a teenager in your sense of the word. Well, I hope not, because I'd owe all of them an apology if you were. - Look here, now-- - Now, just a minute! Get your clothes on. I want everyone present at the ship at a meeting in five minutes. [ Sighs ] ## [ Singing Continues ] - ## [ Continues ] - Oh, shut up! That does not compute. About all we can hope to get from our conversion unit is an extra pint a day. Now, that with the little we have left in the storage tanks means that unless we find a new supply of water we're gonna have to be taking our water in little less than medicinal doses from now on. Thanks to Dr. Smith. Well, maybe he didn't realize the full seriousness of what he was doing. Thank you, dear lady. I'm glad someone here understands. John, where do you suggest we start looking? There might be some water deep down in those caves. No, the minute I found out that our orbit was changing, I checked them. They're bone-dry. Here, I've got this chart. Now, there was a stream that ran all through this bottomland before it dried up. If we can follow its course we might locate the underground water table that fed it. - If it's still there. - Splendid idea. I wonder why we didn't think of it before. Now, there's another thing. We can only follow this course in the daylight. Now, in this heat that could be dangerous. I'm sure you'll find it. I'll be rooting for you. - Where are you going? - To my cabin to start rooting. Oh, you'll join us on the march with a bucket in each hand just like the rest of us. [ Warbling ] [ Penny ] Poor Debbie. She's so thirsty. [ Maureen ] Dear, she'll have to wait for her water ration just the way the rest of us do. [ Don ] John, this riverbed is as dry as a bone. [ John ] I'm afraid we're gonna have to work our way further upstream. Everybody all right back there? [ Sighs ] I feel dreadful. What's the matter? [ Dr. Smith ] Do you know what it means when your joints creak and your ribs grind against the sternum? [ Will ] No. What does it mean, Dr. Smith? Imminent and total dehydration, that's all. I can't go another step. I guess you're a little too old for this kind of a hike. I am not that old, young man. It's just a simple case of bodily deprivation. Well, why don't you rest here until we get back? I doubt whether I can last that long. - John, may I give him his water ration? - Sure. Here you are, Dr. Smith. Oh, thank you, dear lady. - Could I have another? - Dr. Smith. - You'll feel better now. - I doubt it. Try to make it back to camp if you can. [ Don ] But don't expect to find any water there. The little you left us is hidden, but good. - Good luck, Dr. Smith. - [ Debbie Warbling ] [ Penny ] Come on, Debbie. [ Penny ] Come on, Debbie. - Hold on! - Dad, there's water down there! I can see it! You'd need a distilling plant as big as a refinery to get anything drinkable out of this. Oh, look. There-There's something floating to the surface. Water chestnuts, anyone? Space papaya? Mangos? [ Judy ] Look at that! [ Will ] How do you like that? - Oh, boy! - Smells kind of piney. There must be hundreds of 'em down there! Enough to help us with our water problem? Well, if they're edible. And don't you children eat any of them now. I'll get a couple more, and we'll run a test of them back on the ship. [ Warbling ] [ Don ] Have you seen anything unusual? Nothing but, uh, pineapple sherbet so far. But don't any of you get any ideas of eating this stuff yet. How long will it be before if you know they're good to eat, Dad? We'll have to run an incubation test on it first. Oh, I'd say 12, 36 hours. They sure look tempting. Oh, we forgot about Dr. Smith. - Yes. Isn't it a relief? - What do you mean, Judy? To be able to forget about him. - Maybe I'd better go see how he feels. - All right. Dr. Smith? Dr. Smith? Well, that's strange. John, I was sure he'd come back here. The way he walks, he's probably still on his way. Maybe I'd better go up and watch for him. May I? Sure. Go ahead. Dr. Smith! Dr. Smith, don't eat it! Dr. -- Oh! Dr. Smith, don't eat that! Well, you didn't have to do that. There's plenty more. - How many of these have you eaten? - It was only my second. And I must say, it's delicious. A very exotic flavor. Now, you needn't worry. There's plenty for everyone. - Just don't worry at all about it. - But you don't understand! This fruit hasn't been tested. It might be-- May be what? Tell me. Poisonous. Oh, why couldn't you have waited? Poison? Did you say poison? - What's going on now? - He's been eating this fruit. Don't you ever pay attention to rules? It was lying right here on this table. I was hungry and thirsty. How was I to know that you-- You. You left it there deliberately. You wanted me to eat it! Why, that's ridiculous, Smith. We just found that fruit. If you hadn't left us, you'd have known that. You took advantage of the way I felt to plant them there. You knew they'd be the first thing I'd see! That's not true. This is your revenge on me for using your drinking water to take a shower! - That's crazy, Smith. - Is it? I know how you all feel about me. Another mouth to feed, another thirst to quench. Oh, yes. Let's get rid of him. This is our chance. That's the way your evil minds worked, wasn't it? [ Yells ] It's begun! I can feel it. It's churning in my blood! - All right, we'll get you in-- - Stay away from me! Oh, leave me alone! [ Continues Yelling ] John, isn't there something we can give him to neutralize it? Maybe, if we knew exactly what it was we wanted to neutralize. Until I can get a reading on that culture, I wouldn't know what to try on him. All we can do now is wait for some recognizable symptoms to appear. [ Groans ] Coated. Inflamed. [ Heart Pounding Slowly ] Oh! Idiot dolt. Caught like a mouse with a piece of poisoned cheese. Where were you, Doctor? Where was your mind? Oh, how could I let them do this to me? So much to live for, so much. And now-- But I won't die alone. Oh, no. They'll pay for this with their lives. I don't hear him moaning anymore. Do you think that he's-- Your mother's gone to see if he's all right. She thought he might not feel so hostile towards her. John, he's not in his cabin, and he's not anywhere in the ship. He must've been so frightened that he just ran away to die. [ John ] Smith! [ Maureen ] Dr. Smith! Smith, answer! Dr. Smith! Smith, can you hear me? Smith! Giving us all that trouble, and now this. - I've got a good mind to-- - Don't say it. Smith! Doctor? [ Penny ] Dr. Smith? Dr. Smith? Dr. Smith? - Doctor? - Doctor? - Let's start back. Maybe the others have found him. - I guess so. It's hopeless to go on with the search now. We'll start again when it's daylight. We never should have left him alone. If you remember, he wasn't too eager for company. Apparently, he was well enough to take a few things with him before he left. Like what? Shoulder pack, shaving articles. That's a good sign. But he had no water. How will he stay alive? Well, it's still possible the fruit gave him no more than a bad stomachache. When that wears off and he gets thirsty enough, he'll be back. But what if it really poisoned him? And he's sure we did it deliberately. Look, Judy, we can't help what he thinks. Now, he knew as well as we do that we're not supposed to eat anything we find on this planet until it's been thoroughly tested. [ Judy ] But we did leave it lying around. That's why he must have thought it was safe to eat. Judy, I'm sure you wouldn't have eaten anything without finding out if it was safe or not. [ Judy ] I don't know. Perhaps if I felt the way Dr. Smith did - dehydrated and everything, I might have. - No, Judy. You wouldn't have touched it. Now, you've had plenty of training in interplanetary travel like the rest of us. As for Smith, he's a doctor, and he's had much more experience than you have. Now, we're gonna do everything we can to find him and help him. But let's not fix the blame on something we have no control over-- the drought. - Don. - Hmm? Let's check that culture. I wonder why Dr. Smith didn't take the Robot with him. - What for? - Company. Must be awfully lonely out there without his best friend. He's out there somewhere. Maybe dying. Well, there's nothing we can do about it now, Judy. I wish there were. I can't forgive myself for being so unkind to him. Well, I don't like to speak ill of him, but he wasn't always very likable, you know. Only this morning I let him know how I felt about him using up our water. I know I hurt his feelings. Well, that's-- that's not important now, dear. Oh, I wish there was some way of letting him know how sorry I am. I wonder if the Robot knows where Dr. Smith is. Where is Dr. Smith, Robot? Dr. Smith is a reluctant inhabitant of this planet. Dr. Smith wants out. Dr. Smith is most anxious to return to Earth. Dr. Smith is-- - What'd you do that for? - That's an old tape he made weeks ago that he forgot to erase. Dr. Smith and this Robot must have had a very good understanding. I guess so. Dr. Smith was a *** at getting the Robot to do things for him. He even got him to play my guitar once. I know he got the Robot to do some bad things once in a while but they don't seem so bad now as they did then. I wouldn't mind if he came back and tried something bad again just as long as he came back. I never thought I'd be saying this but you know, Mother, I miss him. I really miss him. Well, so do I. I keep looking toward the door of his cabin expecting him to come marching out with a long list of grievances storming at us because he thinks we're so incompetent. And then stomping off in a huff because we don't pay any attention to him. You know, I read somewhere once that people like Dr. Smith are called "injustice collectors. " Most of them are really very nice when they're not collecting. We'll find him. Cheer up, Debbie. You'll get a drink very soon. [ Sighs ] You look so beautiful up there, sky. But you'd look more beautiful if you were all dark with clouds and rain was falling and filling the lakes and rivers and the streams. Not until we find Dr. Smith, though. My time is short but this you must know and judge. I have plotted their end as they plotted mine. Only theirs will be more lingering than mine. These are the last mortal words of one who, had he survived would have transfigured the universe. Signed, Zachary Smith. You're sure that'll be enough? We'll see that it is. You'll keep checking on that culture? Yes, according to instructions. Why would he take off like that? I mean, what does he expect to find out there, an emergency hospital? Well, the bull elephant takes off when he feels he's gonna die. Likes to leave the herd, be by himself. Smith was kind of a bull. All set? Wait. Hold it. Has anyone touched this unit in the last couple of hours? - Well, not that I know of. - Then it must've been that old bull elephant. I don't understand. Our one good fuel cell's gone. So's a half pint of water we should've collected. If that fuel cell's not back in operation by tonight, it'll corrode like the others. - How much do we have in the tank? - Practically nothing. I think this might be a good time to start praying for rain. Come on, Will. Well, if he came by this way, he certainly had plenty of energy left, for a dying man. [ Sighs ] He won't have enough energy left to swat a fly when I get through with him. - [ Will ] But he may be dead. - If he is don't be surprised if I give out with three loud cheers, Will. That's kind of cruel, Don. Now, what do you call stealing our one good fuel cell? Hmm? An act of brotherly love? - Here you go, Don. - No. I think you need it. I'd rather stay steamed until we catch up with our friendly bull elephant alive. Hand me the radio. Maureen? Maureen? - Maureen? - I'm right here, John. Have you found him? No, no sign of him yet. - Well, everything's fine here. - When was the last time you examined the culture? Oh, about 30 minutes ago. It was clear. - Well, take another look while I hold. - All right. John, there's some bacterial motion on the slide. - Separately or in clumps? - Separately. So far, so good, unless it starts clumping on the next reading. I'll check with you later. Out. Here you go. [ Sighs ] All right, let's go. - Is there any change? - Yes. It's beginning to clump. If that's what Dad expected, doesn't that mean it's safe to eat? - No, just the opposite. - Oh. - I'm gonna go take a look at Debbie. - All right, dear. Mother, come quickly! Mother, what's happened to her? [ Gasps ] Do you think she knows what's happened to her? She's probably aware of something. Mother, if this happened to Debbie when she ate that fruit, then-- Now, Judy, don't jump to conclusions. Don't you think we should tell Dad about it? No, he has enough to do now. We'll just wait until he reports in to us. At least she seems to be friendly. "Z. S. " - Zachary Smith. - But where is he? Not here, unless he found some way to perform a do-it-yourself burial. Maybe he buried the fuel cell here. Well, we'll soon find out. Wait a minute. Now, what do you think he put on that? We'll just have to wait till we get back to camp to find out. I bet I can guess-- instructions for some wild goose treasure hunt that'll have us looking for that fuel cell until we drop dead. Well, if he buried this here last night, he can't be too far away. Come on. Come on. I'm alive. I'm alive! [ Laughing Hysterically ] I'm alive! I'm getting tired, John. When do we stop? [ Dr. Smith ] Stand where you are! What do you want? You came here to watch me die? To gloat? But I fooled you. Get out! Get out! Get out! I don't think he realizes what happened to him. That's for sure. He threw that tree like we were half a mile away. Let me have the radio. Maureen? - Maureen? - Yes, dear? We found him. - [ Maureen Over Radio ] How is he? - As tall as three men - and just about as strong. - I was afraid of that. The same thing has happened to Debbie. She's grown enormously. We found the rind of fruit in her bunk. - Is she violent? - Playful as a lamb. Is Dr. Smith coming back with you? I hope so, if he'll let us get near him. I'll check with you later. Out. I am Zachary Smith. Dr. Zachary Smith! If he comes at us with another tree, we'll all be pulp. You can't shoot him! There may not be another choice, Will. But he may be hungry as well as thirsty. That's why he's so mad. Shall I offer him something to eat? He's more likely to eat you than that sandwich. Dr. Smith and I are friends. Let me talk to him. All right, Will. But keep your distance. Come here-- Try and persuade him to come back with us. Tell him we wanna help him. And remember this, son. I'll have my laser on him at all times. Go. Hello, Dr. Smith. I brought you something to eat. - A sandwich. - Sandwich? That's birdseed. What are you doing standing down there in that ditch? Come on up. I'm not in a ditch. I'm on the same level you are. Is this another of your Robinson games? Come up out of there! Listen, Dr. Smith, you know that fruit you ate? - You thought it would kill me, didn't you? - [ Rumbling ] No, sir. It was just a mistake that it was left out there. And I'm sure glad it didn't kill you. But-- Well, it did sort of have an effect on you. Only temporarily. I feel fit as a fiddle now. I'm glad of that, but-but-- But-But what? Speak up, boy. What's happened to your voice? That fruit you ate, it made you grow. - Grow? - Yes, sir. You're as big as all these trees. What trees? These bushes, do you mean? They're trees, Dr. Smith. They're really trees. That can't be. It's an optical illusion. That infernal sun up there it does things to your vision. I don't think so, Dr. Smith. Made me grow did you say? Tall as a tree? Can't be. It isn't true. Oh, tell me it isn't true. Tell me it isn't true! Gosh, it's not so bad being big. Think of all the marvelous things you'll be able to do, like-- Gosh, you'll be able to get birds' eggs without even climbing. What's so marvelous about that? It's not marvelous to be three times as tall as anyone else! It's horrifying! Oh! I'll never be able to go back to Earth now. They'll laugh at me. They'll put me in a circus sideshow with the freaks. [ Sobbing ] Will, get back. Smith, we want you to return with us to the ship. - Maybe we can help you. - How? How can you help a freak? A sport of nature? [ Sobbing ] I might as well be dead! [ Continues Sobbing ] [ John ] It's better to be big and alive than average and dead which we'll all soon be if you don't hand over that fuel cell! So that's it. That's the only reason you're here-- to get that fuel cell. You don't care one bit about me. All you care about is your own precious skins! Well, I've listened to enough of your pious cant! Get out! Get out, all of you, before I smash your little heads! Get out! [ Sneezes ] [ Wind Gusting ] [ Sobbing ] "Get birds' eggs out of nests without climbing. " Oh! Good heavens. What a fate. What a terrible fate. Now, Smith the doctor probably knows more about the action of that fruit on the pituitary gland than any of us. But Smith the victim, he's in a state of shock. He couldn't help himself even if he wanted to. What's a pituitary gland? It's a small gland at the base of the nose. It controls growth, and whatever was in that fruit must have put it out of control. Smith may be in a state of shock but not so deep that he'll tell us what he did with the fuel cell. Well, in his present condition, the fuel cell probably doesn't seem very important to him. But it's vital to us. And unless we get it soon well, it might just as well stay where it is. John, I'd like to go out there to him, if you'd let me. He probably doesn't want to admit it but I think he's a very lonely and a frightened man right now. I-I think it'd be useless to try to reason with him. I don't intend to. All right. Don and I will show you the way. A freak. A laughingstock. An acromegalous monster. [ Sobbing ] Dr. Smith, may I join you? - [ Sneezes ] - [ Wind Gusting ] Oh, Dr. Smith. I was beginning to get very worried about you. I'm awfully glad we found you. Yes, I know-- to laugh at me to poke fun at the freak. I thought you were above that, Mrs. Robinson. Oh, but no one's laughing at you, Dr. Smith least of all me. But you're staring. That's just as bad. That's not true at all. You're still the same person you always were. You don't know what it's like to be a giant. No bed big enough. - Well, we'll build you one. - No chair. We'll make one of those too. No one to talk to face to face, unless I squat. Well, you're talking to me. Dr. Smith, I think there's something you should know. - You're really a very brave man. - Ha! Well, you could say that when you ate that fruit you performed the same kind of-of heroic act that men of medicine are remembered for. You risked your life the way they risk theirs for the benefit of others. Come to think of it, I suppose I did. Why, of course you did. And we're very, very proud of you. Now, we want you to come back to the ship with us. Please! I suppose I should get that fuel cell before we go back. Well, it would be a help. It's that way. [ Sneezes ] [ Wind Gusting ] I think I've caught a cold. Oh, Dr. Smith. The sooner we get you back to the ship safely, the better. [ Dr. Smith Sniffling ] [ Sneezes Loudly ] - How long's he gonna keep that up? - It's not just Dr. Smith. It's Debbie too. They've both been sneezing most of the afternoon. It seems to have affected the nasal passages as well as the pituitary. [ Dr. Smith Sneezes Loudly ] This should start delivering any moment now. - Yeah, here it comes. - [ Sneezing Continues ] It's working, Dr. Smith. The water conversion unit is working. Wonderful. Just wonderful. Cover my feet, will you? I think my cold is getting worse. Certainly, Dr. Smith. We should get a pint of water apiece from it every day. A pint? I'll use it for eyewash for one eye. [ Thunderclap ] [ Thunderclaps Continue ] - Keep coming! - It's gonna rain! Like heaven, baby! - In bucketfuls! - Let's go! [ Sneezes ] I'm little! I'm little! [ All Clamoring ] [ Dr. Smith ] Are you all mad? Here you are dancing like savages, while I'm being drenched. But, Dr. Smith, do you realize what's happened? Of course I realize what's happened! But I'm still being drenched, and I'll probably get pneumonia. [ Sneezes ] But you're back to normal size. That's what's important. Obviously, the effect of simple H20 on my system. However, as soon as one of you good people gets me a cup of hot soup and something dry to wear I might offer up a small prayer of thanks. [ All Laughing ] [ Sneezes ] Get him some soup. Dr. Smith? Don's been looking all over for you. He wants you to help him with some work at the drill site. Work? But, my dear, I am working. Um, and just what, may I ask, are you doing? Sit down, my dear, and I'll show you. Now, then, what do you see up there? - Nothing. - Precisely. But when there is something up there-- a rescue mission, perhaps-- I'll be the one to see it and quickly alert the camp. Oh, Dr. Smith. You're incredible. Absolutely incredible. Indeed. Don't you ever want to leave this ghastly planet? Of course I do. But it's living in a dream world, Dr. Smith, to ever think a rescue mission from Earth can ever find us here. Perhaps not from Earth. But at this point, I'd welcome any form of intelligent life that might conceivably help us. Hands across outer space, so to speak. I think I'd better let you get back to your work. Oh, yes, yes, my dear. Eternal vigilance, yes. [ Sighs ] Approach of alien object. - Approach of alien object. - Oh, do be still. Can't you see I'm trying to relax? Another word, and I'll remove your power pack. [ Beeping ] Keep away from me!