Bully Bust / Backyard Hodge Podge

♪ There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation ♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪ So the annual problem for our generation ♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪ Like maybe ♪ Building a rocket, or fighting a mummy ♪ Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower ♪ Discovering something that doesn't exist Hey! ♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪ Surfing tidal waves ♪ Creating nano-bots or locating Frankenstein's brain It's over here! ♪ Finding a dodo bird Painting a continent ♪ Or driving our sister insane Phineas! ♪ As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do ♪ Before school starts this fall Come on, Perry! ♪ So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪ So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪ Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence! (CANDACE SNORING) But, Your Honor, how could I have robbed that bank if I was already wearing the prison jumpsuit? It, it just doesn't make any... (GASPS) (BUFORD HUMMING) Someday I wanna finish that dream so I can find out if I'm guilty or not. What? (HUMMING) Voila! Buford, what are you doing? Just trying out my new... MALE ANNOUNCER: Tuff Shoo Laysizz! No, I mean what are you doing in our backyard so early? There are two things you should know about the Van Stomms. One, we always set our alarms on time, and two, if we don't, we show up early and take our lumps. We've even got a song about it. That's okay. I do not need to hear the song. Too late! Well... ♪ Van Stomms wake up better ♪ Than anyone else on earth ♪ It's because we have rules for sleeping ♪ That we seem to know at birth ♪ Rule one is to set the alarm clock ♪ To precisely the proper hour ♪ And make sure you've got time to eat breakfast ♪ Get dressed brush your tooth and maybe a shower ♪ We're careful with our alarm clocks ♪ We're not sloppy like most other chumps ♪ 'Cause rule two's if you mess up and set it too early ♪ You show up and takes your lumps ♪ Does that answer your question? Oh, yeah. That explains a lot. So that's why I got up early. What's your excuse? I'm just getting an early start on busting my brothers. You know, you should really find a new hobby. You got no skills. Ha! I'd like to see you keep their contraptions from disappearing at the last second. Is that a challenge? Because you should know that we Van Stomms never back down from a challenge! Well... Stop, stop, stop! I challenge you. Just as long as you don't sing about it. Her loss. The Van Stomm "Accept a Challenge" song has a killer bridge. It goes to an F sharp minor in the key of G! (SNORING) MONOGRAM: Calling Agent P. Agent P! Wakey-wakey, Agent P. Over here. No, not on the computer screen, though that would have made infinitely more sense. To the right. Down a bit. Over a bit more. That's right! Hi-ho! Carl installed a nano-screen on this trading card a few days ago disguised as a Flynn-Fletcher family member. Can you guess which one? Can you take that off already, Carl? You're creeping me out, man. Okay. Sorry to wake you up so early, Agent P, but evil never rests. And by evil, I mean Doofenshmirtz. It's not even six A.M. and our surveillance cameras have spotted him at the local caffeination station, ordering the largest, most caffeinated beverage they sell. Nothing good can come from this hideous spurt of energy. So get to it, Agent... PHINEAS: Way to floss, Ferb! PHINEAS: Who knew fighting plaque could be so much fun? Oh! Sounds like your boys are on their way back. Get to it, Agent P! Come to think of it, I know what we're gonna do today, Ferb. Hey, where's Perry? That's strange. I know. We normally do this later in the day. Yes. Yes, we do. Sweet! With Buford as my busting stooge, now I can concentrate on more important things. ANNOUNCER: It's time for Girls Freaking Out! Ooh, I love this show! It makes me feel so normal. Okay, Candace, I'm off to the beach. Vivian called and said the waves are crankin'. I'll have my cell with me. Oh, that's okay, I'm outsourcing today. Everything will still be here when you get back. Well, I certainly hope so. See you later, hon. CHORUS: (SINGING) Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Gotcha! And you don't even know it yet. That's the beauty part. Watch this prolonged unnecessary series of events. (RATTLING) (EVIL LAUGH) Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, watch this. Here it goes. Here it goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes! Ha! I win! I know, it's a little over the top, but I was inspired by this board game I loved when I was a kid! Well, actually, it was Roger's board game, but I would sneak a peek of it through the keyhole of his door and, you know, it looked like I would love it. But I borderline backstory. You see, I have so much evil energy from my soy-venti-latte extra-caf-and-a-half quadruple-sugar blood-pressure-bombarino, love it! So I spent the whole morning building this complex, giant version of the game. Really, I'm surprised you didn't see it flying in. Okay, beholding time! Behold. My Loofa-Flex Dill-Pickle-inator. What does it do, you ask? Well, it will launch all of my enemies into orbit and keep them floating there so far into the atmosphere, that they won't bother me anymore. Cool, huh? (CAT YOWLING) Yeah, I know, the name's a little weird. But, hey, I, I bought it off the internet and my rights to it expire tomorrow, so I was kind of forced to use it today! I have so much energy from just that one cup of coffee, I kept rambling and rambling... Oh! You know, that trap was always the lamest part of the game. I always thought that... (GRUNTS) Hey, Buford! You're here early. The early bully catches the nerd, my friends. Hello! And my point is made for me. Hi, guys. I am here, also. What you doing? Well, the inspiration for today's activity manifested as we performed our morning ablutions. I love it when Phineas uses unnecessarily long words for common things like brushing your teeth and washing up. Yes. It is gratifyingly erudite. It's not as cute when you do it. (SIGHS) I am cognizant of that fact. Introducing the Dental Hygienosphere! A thrill-packed adventure through the exciting and colossal world of dental hygiene! Now who's with us? Me! Me! It's a little preachy for my taste, but count me in, too. I'll help with the superstructure! Ooh! I will spray on the enamel coating! And I'll sell ballooths! Balloons in the shape of a tooth? Oh, you mean toothaloons. Ballooths? Yeah, that's toothaloons. Where do you get "ballooths" from? And I'll lock it all down and make sure it doesn't move! All right, safety first, I guess. Knock yourself out! Let's see how the rookie's doing on his assignment. Hmm, not bad. I kinda like his style! Toothaloons! Get your toothaloons here! (LAUGHING MANIACALLY) PHINEAS: All right, everybody! All aboard the toothbuggys! Ferb even installed dental floss themed seatbelts! Mmm, minty! Whoo-hoo! Not so fast! I knew it! You're giving up and just going on the ride for fun! Not hardly. I swiped this bad boy from the orthodontists' section to cut off stuff stickin' out of the ride that could snag a passing plane as I go along! Listen, this thing getting snagged on a plane is just the tip of the bicuspid! It could shrink down to the size of a real tooth and get lost in the grass. Or turn to ice and melt into nothingness. For all you know, it could turn into a giant Ducky Momo and fly away! Are you prepared for all that? Well... Dit, dit, dit! I don't need to hear the We Prepare For Every Eventuality song. Fine. For the record, though, it's the Be Prepared For Every Eventuality song. It's in the imperative tense. Wow! The periodontal level was awesome! PHINEAS: Hang on to your retainers, everyone, as we travel through the pulp chamber, passed the cementoenamel junction, and up, up, up to the apex of the crown! Yeah! Whoo-hoo! You know, this is pretty tame compared to other roller coasters, but when you compare it to other dental-themed rides, it's a rush! Now you see me, now you don't! Now you see me, now you don't! (LAUGHING) (GROANING) Hey, where'd you go? I've got you now, Perry the Platypus. Ow! I've completely protected their invention from airplane snags, stray balloons, meteorites, flocks of wild gazelles, and giant cracks that form in the crust of the earth. What if it turns into water? Covered. What if it turns into smoke? Covered. What if space harpies descend from the sky and have it for breakfast? Aw, come on! Really? Totally covered. Really? And how did... I sprayed it with Space Harpy Repellent. Yeah, okay. Just make sure it's still here when I come back with my mom! Mom! Mom! If there's one thing us Van Stomms do, we make sure things are still there when people get back with their moms. Well... Hold still so I can hit you fair and square! Ow! Really? Oh, man! Random green rays from the sky! I forgot about random green rays from the sky! Oh, no! Not on my watch. Oh, man! I've run out of conveniently placed objects. Bingo! Comin' through! My toothaloons! Yeah, they weren't sellin' anyway. Not on my watch! Oh! The helium tank! Actually, it's kind of ironic when you think about it. Not on my watch! Yes! The human shield tactic never fails. Huh? Man, I knew I should've hung on to that laser. Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Let us go again! Maybe not. (SCREAMS) I guess they ain't called... MALE ANNOUNCER: Tuff Shoo Laysizz! ...for nothing. Prepare to be blitzed by my inexplicable, newfound martial arts mastery! (GRUNTING) I hate to ask, Perry the Platypus, but have you seen my other... Oh, there it is! Oh, yeah, that, that's what I was planning to do. Perry the Platypus, looks like this is the end for you! (GRUNTS) That's just not nice! (SCREAMS) Well, I hope that lands in the backyard of a giant who needs a fake tooth. Hey, did you say... (IMITATES ELECTRICAL BUZZING) You know, it's kinda nice to sit back and relax after all that manual labor. Uh-oh! (SCREAMS) I've got a song about how Van Stomms fall from the sky, too, but it doesn't end well. That was so much fun! Too bad Buford missed it all. I wonder where he got to? Hello! Hey, Buford, are those... MALE ANNOUNCER: Tuff Shoo Laysizz! Yes. Yes, they are. Right over here, Mom. Ta-da! Hi, Mom! Hi, Candace! What are you guys up to? Buford, are you okay? Just puttin' my new laces through their paces. Okay, then. Then I'm going inside. Who wants pie? I do! Yeah, me too! BALJEET: I always want pie. Buford, explain yourself! Well... I'm outta here! ♪ If we Van Stomms don't succeed on the very first try... ♪ Then we just give up DOOFENSHMIRTZ: Just in case anyone's wondering what happened to ol' Doofenshmirtz, I'm okay! Yeah, well, okay. Well, obviously not now. BUFORD: Guys, can you settle an argument for us? Preferably in my favor? If a vegetarian becomes a zombie, would they start eatin' people? Mr. Smarty-underpants thinks they'd just keep eating vegetables. But they are, after all, vegetarians. I guess they'd eat things like heads of lettuce, uh, ears of corn... Eye of potato! Leg of carrot! What? Your carrots don't have legs? Where do your parents shop? Hey, guys. What you doing? Oh, we're just solving the world's problems. Zombie vegetarianism is a world problem? Not yet, but recycling is. We've got a lot of leftover material from past inventions, and we're trying to figure out what to do with it. My mom always just throws all our leftovers into a pot and makes a giant casserole. It's best to just eat first and ask questions later. That's it! We'll use all our leftovers and make an invention casserole! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! Hey, where's Perry? PARRY: I'm right here, guys. It's internet sensation Parry Gripp! How's it going? It's going well. But actually we were looking for Perry the Platypus. Oops! Sorry for the misunderstanding. Internet sensation Parry Gripp, ladies and gentlemen! So, where's our Perry? LINDA: Oh, here you go, Perry. I burnt another one. I guess that's what I get for staying up all night. Unless I get my act together, that means plenty more for you, Perry. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather... Lawrence, what on earth are you doing? Oh, just a few vocal exercises before my big speech for the committee at the Danville museum. Would you like a little sneak peek? I'd love to, honey, but I've got quite a lot of baking to do if I want to make my quota for the Live and Let Pie event. MALE ANNOUNCER: Live and let pie! For charity. Why don't you practice in front of Candace? Hmm, fine idea. There's nothing teenagers love more than listening to speeches. Okay, where was I? (SNIFFS) Oh, no! Well, Perry, looks like you've got yourself another... Uh, where's Perry? Right here! Platypus. Oops. Didn't mean to intrude. MONOGRAM: Morning, Agent P. (CHATTERING) Guess whose birthday it is, Agent P. It's not Carl's, and it's not yours... Okay, okay, it's mine! (BLOWS) Help yourself, Agent P. Not a cake person, huh? Oh, well. We've noticed a surge of revenue going to Doofenshmirtz's bank accounts recently. Get to the bottom of it. Are we ready to sing, Carl? I'm patching in all the agents now, sir. We couldn't afford the rights to that famous birthday song, so the agents and I came up with this. (BLOWS WHISTLE) A-one, a-two, a-three... (ALL MUMBLING) Birthday! (SNIFFLES) That was just beautiful. Thank you for coming here today to hear my speech on the history of the ancient Ornithorhynchan tribe. The Ornithorhynchans were a platypus worshipping society known for painting themselves teal blue and wearing elaborate platypus-themed costumes for their various dances and rituals. Oh, you know what? I just remembered. Some friends asked me to help them form a giant human pyramid, and I told them that was the last thing I wanted to do today, but it turns out I was wrong. So, I gotta go. The speech is great, Dad. But you might wanna add some visual aids. It's just a little dry. Hmm, visual aids. Oh, that's how I can spruce it up a little. Spruce! Spruce! Spa-ruce! (CHUCKLES) Oh, very good then. CHORUS: (SINGING) Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Good to see you, Perry the Platypus. But you'll be lucky to see anything after... Oop! Oh, I almost used my final zinger before I even told you my evil plan. Just put it out of your mind. Bzzt. It's gone. Like, like you've been zapped by a Mind-Zap-inator, Zapper-inator, or something. Hmm. Anyway, you may be wondering why you're in an ophthalmologist's chair. Well, it seems that I've come into a bit of good fortune. Some technology of mine is being used in eye examination equipment, and I've been getting royalty checks. The extra money is fine and all, but it really chafes my hide that something I invented is being used for good! (GROANS) Uh, you, you know what I mean? So, so I invented the Eye-Fog-inator! It will temporarily blur the vision of whomever it hits. It will then force people to go out and get their eyes checked, and then I'll get even more money, which I can then spend on evil! So, you know, it kind of evens out. And you, Perry the Platypus, will be my first test subject. Okay, put your little chin on the thing. Let, let me wipe that off for you. Gets so greasy. Okay, lift your head a bit. There, there we go. Perfect! Okay, now here's my zinger. You'll be lucky to see anything after the Eye-Fog-ina... Ugh! It... You know, it worked before when it was in context, but, but it just sounds silly now. Okay, now, now you'll feel a slight puff of air... Okay, and a blinding ray... So, di...did it work? Why are you giving me the stink eye? Did it work or not? I guess I'll just have to try it on myself. Okay, three steps back and... Whoa! Whoa, I can see that I cannot see. This... It works! It works, I consider this a success. Perry, Perry the Platypus, where are you? Did you say something? Nice work, Baljeet! I found some slide rules from our World of Calculations exhibit. I found some coat hangers from the Leaning Tower of Closet Space, and an old college sweatshirt. Cool! We can hit this baby with the mega-sizer, and it'll make a great parachute! I found these catering trays from the giant picnic, and this parachute from the drag race. Cool! We can shoot that with the micro-sizer, and it'll make a great sweatshirt! All this stuff is gonna work out great! It's a shame Perry isn't here to see it. Here I am! And I brought some old guitar strings to recycle. Wow! Uh, thanks. But... You meant Perry the Platypus, didn't you? Well, yeah, but your timing is perfect! We were just about to start the song. Okay, try this on for size. ♪ You take a bucket full of forks and a rusted oil drum ♪ And a broken carburetor stuck together with some gum ♪ Got a motor and a floater and a giant can of soda ♪ Uncle's college sweatshirt, but it's got a funny odor ♪ You take a little here and you put it over there ♪ You can tie it all together with some fake gorilla hair ♪ And then, you got a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ Well, we've got a motorized spatula, a rubberized tarantula ♪ A weird potato chip that kinda looks like Dracula ♪ A locket and a socket and a shiny metal sprocket ♪ A slide without a ladder and a Saturn V rocket ♪ You'll oggle with your goggles as you weld another toggle ♪ And your mind'll surely boggle when it starts to wiggle-woggle ♪ Because it's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ I've got you now, Perry the Platypus. Perry the Platypus, did you get yourself upholstered? Yay! Whoa! Oh, man! Actually, this is way too tame. Hey! Crank it up to double black diamond! Yeah! Whoo-hoo! This parachute smells funny. Nice re-purposing of Buford's chewed gum collection! Whoo-hoo! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoo-hoo! That sure was great. But I wish Perry was here for once. He would just love it! I do love it! I've never had so much fun! Anyway, fellas, I'm gonna hit the road. See ya! Well, he's no platypus, but still a lovely fellow. You know, maybe I should've thought before blurring my own vision! It was very short-sighted of me. Hey, can you make that digga-digga-digga-digga-digga sound for me... (GRUNTS) That was a lucky kick, Perry... (YELLING) Wait! I just need to blast myself again, and I'll clear my vision and get the jump on him! (GROANS) Hey, hey, you jumped on me! You used my own turn of phrase against me. Wow, irony. (CLATTERING) Really? A stack of buckets? That'll teach me to randomly stack buckets in the center of my lab. Oh! Another reject. Here you go, Perry. Oh, there you are! What are you doing up there? Oh, it's a bag of bread. (CHUCKLES) I've been up so long, I'm starting to see things. ♪ Three point one four one five nine two ♪ Three point one four one five nine two ♪ Three point one four one five nine two ♪ Pi! ♪ Okay. That's it. I can't believe I'm doing what I'm about to do. (CELL PHONE RINGING) Hello? I hate to interrupt your day, honey, but I need your help with these pies. I'm so tired, I'm starting to see the weirdest things. Weird? Yes! I'll be right home! Um, that was partially my fault. (YAWNS) The pies aren't the only things that are burnt! Kalakamaka! Laka ullafallabalaka! I gotta get out of here. Oh. That didn't go over as well as I'd hoped. Hmm, perhaps I need to spruce it up more! Spruce! Spr... Ow! I do believe I've sprained my elbow. Maybe some fresh air will help wake me... (SCREAMS) Hi, Mom Phineas? Okay, found it! Okay, I just have to take three steps back. One, two... Ow! Why do I keep stacking buckets? Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (SNIGGERS) This is gonna be epic! Okay, Mom! Here I am! Candace, do you see what I'm seeing? I don't see anything. That's it! I'm lying down. (SCREAMING) I can see everything so well now! Yes, whoever invented those gizmos inside that machine must be a person who's dedicated his or her life to good. Oh, man! Ignore the upside-down man, Balthazar. MAN: (OVER PA) Ladies and gentlemen, our keynote speaker on the history of the Ornithorhynchan tribe, Lawrence Fletcher. Thank you for coming here today to hear my speech on the history of the ancient Ornithorhynchan tribe. The Ornithorhynchans were a platypus-worshipping society. Why is his arm in a sling? That's what bothers you about this? That nap did me a world of good! I feel so much better now. Mmm, no, maybe not. Back to bed. ♪ You take a bucket full of forks and a rusted oil drum ♪ And a broken carburetor stuck together with some gum ♪ Got a motor and a floater and a giant can of soda ♪ Uncle's college sweatshirt but it's got a funny odor ♪ You take a little here and you put it over there ♪ You can tie it all together with some fake gorilla hair ♪ And then, you got a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪ It's a backyard hodge-podge ♪