Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
? I'm going down
to south park?
? Gonna have
myself a time?
? Friendly faces
everywhere?
? Humble folks
without temptation?
? Going down
to south park?
? Gonna leave my
woes behind?
? Ample parking
day or night?
? People spouting
"howdy neighbor"?
? Headed on up
to south park?
? Gonna see if
i can't unwind?
? So come on down
to south park?
? And meet some
friends of mine?
All right, children,
as i'm sure you all remember,
Today we're gonna continue
our biology lesson
By dissecting an organism.
Yeah!
Woo-Hoo!
Now, what we are going to
dissect today
Is the west indian manatee.
Manatees are mammals
that live in the oceans
And are often called
"the gentle clowns of the sea".
Uh, miss choksondik,
aren't manatees endangered?
They sure are, wendy.
And that's why we must learn
what's inside them.
Now, we don't have quite enough
manatees to go around
So i think we're gonna have to
split up into groups of four.
Hey, ours is
still alive!
Oh, hold on.
Uh, uh!
Now, children, our first incision
will be along the abdomen.
I can't do it, dude.
Oh, don't be
such a baby.
You do it, kenny.
Unh-Uh.
Come on, kenny, i'll give you
five bucks to do it.
Five bucks!
Too bad cartman's missing this,
he must be really sick.
Say, terrance,
This body appears to have
been moved since the ***.
Look at the forensic evidence
around the torso.
I don't see anything.
Look closer.
Closer.
I still don't see
anything, phillip.
Wait, wait.
I know what's gonna
happen, mom.
You wanna know
what's gonna happen?
Keep looking, terrance, the forensic
evidence is right around here.
Whoa, that totally
surprised me!
I can't believe how this show
manages to stay fresh, huh, mom?
Yes, sweetie.
Mom
Can you go make me a toaster-Pastry-
Chocolate-Mix-Butter bar?
Oh, honey, why don't you
go make it yourself.
Mommy's expecting
some company.
God, i have to do
everything around here!
? You'll never find?
? No matter
where you search?
? Someone who
loves you tender?
? Like i do?
? I'm not braggin'
on myself, baby?
? But the-?
What the hell's
going on?
Uh, sweetie, your friends wanted
to have a "talk" with you.
Eric, your friends
and your family
Are all concerned about
your weight, m'kay.
What?
We believe that you
might have a problem.
You're *** right
i have a problem!
"Terrance and phillip" is on
and i don't have anywhere to sit!
Now what the hell
is this?!
It's called
intervention, eric.
Your friends and i
have all chipped in
And we're going to send you up
to a weight management retreat.
Fat camp?
Yes, fat camp.
All right, i don't know who
the hell put you all up to this,
But i am sure as hell not going
to any gay-*** fat camp!
Now, eric, all these
people came here
And paid to send you to camp
because they care about you.
Yeah, except for me.
I just wanted to see the look
on your face when they told you.
Mom, tell them.
Tell them i'm not fat,
i'm just big-***.
Tell them all the stories about
how everyone in your family
Was big as a child but then
grew into their bodies.
Oh, sweetie,
those were all lies.
You're just fat.
And now, we will be
removing the spleen.
Notice how the manatee's
spleen is designed for-
Ah, miss choksondik, can we have
a quick word with you? All right.
Continue with the removal of the
spleen, children, i'll be right back.
Oh, dude,
check this out.
That's so gross.
Hey, kenny, how much
for you to eat this?
I won't eat it.
I'll give you 10 bucks
to eat it.
I'll throw in five.
And so apparently there's
been a little mix-Up.
The manatees were meant to go
to the denver shelter aquarium
And the frogs
were meant to come here.
Oh dear.
I'll throw in a dollar! I got three.
Come on, dude, all you gotta do
is eat it really fast.
Eww-Hoo!
He did it.
All right, children, now,
let's get back in our seats.
Uh, we are now going to put
the manatees back together.
And it has basketball courts
and tennis courts.
And you can call mommy
anytime you want.
Oh, sweetie-Kins,
don't be mad,
I'm sure you're going to
have a good time.
And when you come back,
you'll be all healthy and thin.
Howdy there, i'm one of
the weight counselors here.
This must be eric cartman.
Yes, i'm afraid
he's a little moody.
Oh, we'll change that.
Hello, camper, my name is rick,
how are you doing?
Well, i'm pissed off, rick,
how are you?
I'm doing great!
Why don't you come on out
and we'll get you oriented.
I'll take care of him
from here, ma'am.
Oh, well,
good-Bye, sweetie.
Don't touch me.
Eric, this is the beginning
of a whole new life for you!
Have you got any candy?
No.
My mom says i ain't to
eat no candy here,
I'm supposed to
lose weight.
All right!
Everybody's here and that means
we can get down to business.
Over the next few weeks
we're gonna learn
That losing weight
is fun, right, gang?
Right.
Wait a second,
do you kids hear something?
Why, i could've
swore that-
Rrrar!
Oh no, kids,
it's glutinous fat!
I'm gonna take over your body
and make you slow.
Oh, what are we
going to do?
Wait, i know.
I can knock it out,
with?
Exercise!
And? Proper diet.
Oh no!
Exercise and proper diet
have killed me.
I guess we took care of that
bad old fat, didn't we, kids?
Yeah!
Well, hold on a second,
Because that glutinous fat was
really our good friend susan!
Who's another
weight counselor!
Heh, it was a lady
in a costume.
Would somebody put this retard
out of his misery?
What's the matter?
Kenny's not feeling
so good.
That manatee spleen
made him sick.
Uh-Oh, i guess we shouldn't
have made him eat it.
Eww!
Well, at least you got it
out of your system.
Oh, dude, you can still
kind of see the spleen!
How much, kenny?
What?!
I'll give you five bucks
to eat your puke.
I'm in for five.
Oh, you guys.
I got three.
Six.
Uh, here, you can scoop it up
in my r.
Kelly thermos.
That's 19 bucks, kenny.
Ohh!
Eww.
Kick ***, dude!
Y'know, dude, there might
be something to this.
Yeah, people are willing to pay big
money to see kenny do this stuff.
Doing great, kids,
come on!
This is
bull crap!
Well, i sure enjoyed
my carrots and protein bar,
How about you, gang?
I'm starving.
This is it,
i'm going to die here.
I hope you all left room
for dessert-
Soybean pudding
for everybody!
Are you gonna eat
your soybean pudding?
Take it, i can't
eat this crap!
Me neither, i have to
have sugar or i'm gonna die.
Yeah, well,
when i was in prison,
We use to sneak stuff in
by hiding it up our ***.
I've got some fudge hidden
up my ***, you want some?
Pssh- Yeah, i'm not falling
for that one again.
All right, clyde frog,
We just gotta clear the
counselor building and we're free.
We did it,
clyde frog!
Now the only question is, do we go
home to our traitor mom and friends,
Or do we start
a new life on the run?
An ice cream truck!
Hey, wait!
Boy, am i glad to see you.
Can i interest you
in some ice cream?
You're damn right
you can!
Two "roller pops",
please.
Alrighty, do you want
this kind or this kind?
Huh? Oh!
They tricked us
again, huh?
Oh godammit,
let me out of here!
Hang on, we'll be back at camp
in a matter of no time.
They always get us.
Sometimes it's an ice cream
truck, sometimes it's a taco stand.
But they always
fool us.
I can't help it.
I'd give anything, any amount
of money for some candy.
Hey, kids!
Looks like we had some
attempted escapees again tonight.
Escape-Aroo.
Now, campers, i know that
camp is tough,
But you have to believe
that you can do it.
And you have to know that
until you drop the weight
You can't leave!
There is no escape.
So, let's just all
put on our "try hard" helmets
And accept that the only way
for us to get out of camp
Is to lose the weight!
God dammit!
Thanks for coming,
everybody.
What's all this about,
mrs.
Cartman,
Is eric having trouble at his
weight management camp?
We knew he
wouldn't make it.
Oh, no,
quite the contrary.
Eric showed up and
surprised me last night.
Ladies and gentlemen,
i would like to present to you
The new eric cartman.
Hey, dudes!
Whoa!
I don't believe it.
Believe it, he lost
Eric,
that's fantastic, m'kay!
Congratulations,
how do you feel?
I feel awesome.
What the hell did they do
with all the fat?
That must've been enough to
last an eskimo family months.
Y'know, kyle, there was a time when
your fat jokes would have gotten to me,
But now i'm totally slim
and totally happy.
In fact, i'd say i'm a little
bit trimmer than you, fat boy.
Heh heh,
just kidding, kyle.
I made some healthy
tofu pudding to celebrate.
Who wants some?
Me, me, me, me!
Dude, i don't know if i'm
gonna like the new eric cartman.
Did you like the old one? Good point.
And now back to "jesus and pals"
on south park public access.
Back to our courageous story of a
little boy's triumph over obesity.
Eric, yea, you found that the spirit of
the lord inside you gave you strength.
No, actually i found a diet
that totally works.
A little boy
who overcame the odds.
Let's hear it
for eric cartman!
Well, our second guest tonight is
a young man named kenny mckormick
Who is going to
eat dog crap.
Kenny?
Whoa!
No!
Yes!
Woo-Hoo!
Yeah!
Dammit, all i got was
a little golf clap.
Thanks for coming on
the show, kenny.
Sure.
Do it again!
Do it again!
Hey kid, i'll give you 20 bucks
to eat a really old piece of bacon.
This is ridiculous!
So, kenny, how did you discover
that you had this talent?
We thought of it, jesus.
I mean, kenny's the one
that does it all,
But we were the masterminds
of the whole thing.
I can't say i approve
of this, my children.
Huh, why not?
Because kenny is only doing
things that anybody could do
For money.
He's a ***.
I'll pay him 50 bucks to eat
someone else's vomit.
Yeah, go for it!
Yeah!
What's a ***?
I don't know.
Hello there, children.
Hey, chef! Hey, chef!
Chef, what's a
***?
Dag nabbit, children!
How come every time
you come in here
You gotta be asking me questions
i shouldn't be answering?
"Chef, what's a ***?
What's a lesbian, chef?
How come they call it
a 'rim job', chef?"
For once, can't you just
come in here and say,
"Hi, chef,
nice day, isn't it?"
Hi, chef,
nice day, isn't it?
It sure is,
thank you.
Chef,
what's a ***?
Unh-Uh, you children are gonna get me
in trouble with the principal again.
Lunchtime,
i'm starved!
Oh my god!
Eric?
That's me.
Chef was just about to
tell us what a *** is.
Why do you need to know what
a *** is anyway?
Because jesus told us that
kenny's a ***, is he?
Yeah, am i?
Well, no, of course kenny
is not a ***.
Why?
Well, because, children,
a *** is someone who
You can pay for
certain services.
Like what?
Like keeping you company
- Understand? No.
You see, children, sometimes
a man needs to be with a woman,
But sometimes,
when the lovin' is over,
The woman just want to talk
and talk and talk and talk.
? But a *** is someone
who would love you?
? No matter who you are
or what you look like?
Yes, it's true children.
? That's not why you
pay a ***?
? No, you don't
pay for her to stay?
? You're paying her
to leave afterward?
? That's why i praise the lord
for ***?
Ladies and gentlemen,
mr.
James taylor.
? A *** is like
any other woman?
? They all trade
something for sex?
? And they do it well?
? That's why i say
prostitutes, prostitutes?
They- Ohh!
James taylor, what the hell
you doing in here,
Singing about prostitutes
to the children?
Get out of here!
These children
tricked me!
Oh, there you are.
All right,
i got the goods-
Some candy bars, a few donuts
and some beef gravy.
Is anyone starting to
suspect anything?
Nobody, your mom even thinks
i'm a skinny you.
Awesome.
All right,
throw it over.
I want a bigger cut.
What?!
Risking my ***,
Running around in that stupid
town pretending to be you
And collecting all the food
to bring up here.
All you have to do is sit back
and sell it to all the fat kids!
All right, all right,
keep your voice down!
I'll bump you up
to 10%.
Suck my balls, 20!
Fine, then i shall
bid you good day.
Wait, wait, wait-
Fine, 20.
But just remember that your parents think
you're at the drug rehab center next door.
You blow your cover
and we're both screwed.
You guys, you have to
check this tape out!
Hey, we're trying to study,
finals are tomorrow.
No, dude,
check this out.
It's a video of this kid who
does all kinds of crazy stuff.
Check it out!
He jumped into a port-A-Potty
at a construction site
And stayed there
for four days!
Whoa!
Eww!
Oh, gross!
Sick!
That's awesome!
Hey, guys,
check this out!
Get ready for the
And now,
here's your host,
The kid who will do
anything to himself for money
Kraaaazy kenny!
Kenny, through the past weeks,
we've seen you eat mice,
Pretend to kill newborn babies
to shock their mothers
And wash your hair
with battery acid.
The question on
all our minds is,
What are you
gonna do next?
Oh, ho ho!
You heard him, folks.
Kenny is going to give
a sensual full-Body massage
To his own grandfather.
Oh ho!
Woo-Hoo!
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Wow, this is kenny's
best show ever!
This is so juvenile.
Cartman, what the hell's
the matter with you?
Yeah, you've gotten lame since
you got skinny, what's up?
Nothing.
Hey, can i have some of
that licorice to take home?
All right, campers,
good work today.
Lights out and we'll see you tomorrow
for more exercise and proper diet.
All "beddy-Byes" for
the night, are they?
I don't know what
we're doing wrong, susan,
These kids aren't
losing the weight.
We'll just have to
give them more time.
They'll do it.
They'll do it!
All right,
they're gone.
The cartman store
is open!
Two donuts and a pack
of licorice, please.
Two donuts and
a pack of licorice.
Hello, tony,
the usual?
Why are you
crying, chad?
Because i'm always
gonna be fat.
I don't wanna eat no sweets,
but i can't control myself
When they're right
in front of me like this.
All my life
i've been fat.
I've been to seven camps and i swore
to my mama that i'd lose the weight.
I want to, but i can't
help myself.
Hey, chad.
You know what
you need.
You need a friend.
I do?
Yes,
a chocolate friend.
Mr.
Candy bar doesn't
judge you, chad.
Mr.
Candy bar likes you
just the way you are.
Look at how yummy
and sweet he is.
There you go.
That'll just be
four dollars.
There you go.
This week on pay-Per-View.
Krazy kenny will crawl up
into a woman's uterus-
And stay there
for six hours.
Don't miss this
once-In-A-Lifetime event.
Order now!
All right, so we're back talking
to three competing celebrities.
Tom green, johnny knoxville
frommtv's"***"
And krazy kenny.
Hey, howard.
Krazy kenny is here to promote
his pay-Per-View special this week,
Where he will crawl up
into a bus driver's uterus
And stay there
for six hours.
Wow.
Now, some people think
that all you guys do
Is perform sick and disgusting
acts for shock value and money,
Which makes you ***.
But i'd like to
prove them wrong.
So what i'm gonna do,
Is i'm gonna offer
each of you $50,000
To give me
oral sex right now.
I'm in.
And me! Me too.
Oh!
Fine, i'll do it
for 40 then.
Ooh, the kid says he'll do it
for 10 bucks.
Dammit, i'm out.
Me too.
I guess he is
the biggest ***.
All right, let's get going then,
can we cut the cameras?
And we're gonna
reach for the sky.
Ah! Ah!
And down
to the ground.
Ehh.
Ehh.
And up to the sky!
Ah! Ah!
And down
to the ground.
Please,
mr.
Sanders-
No, i have had it.
What's
happening?
Horace's parents want
to take him home.
Oh, but he's not
ready yet.
Look at what you've
done to my boy!
You told horace that he was
responsible for his weight.
You made him believe that with exercise
and proper diet he could be thin.
When we told you that
it was his genetics.
They can lose the weight
if they try.
Look at these, kids, they're
not getting any thinner!
Your camp is a fraud.
You need to accept the fact that most
fat people are just genetically fat.
Please, sir, if you
give us one more week-
Your time is up!
Yeah, your time is up.
And i'm going to call
all the other parents
And tell them to come
claim their kids as well.
Your camp was
a waste of time!
But dad, i-
What?
Nothin'.
We're in trouble, rick.
All right, miss crabtree,
is it comfortable enough?
How long have i
gotta sit here?
Six hours.
Hell, i'll do six hours for
the 500 bucks you're paying me.
Great.
You guys, it's kenny!
He's been arrested for
prostitution in new york.
For what?
For giving howard stern
a hummer.
What's a hummer?
I don't know!
All i know is kenny's in jail
for at least three months.
Three months, but the
pay-Per-View is tomorrow.
I know!
We've worked so hard,
come so close.
Now we'll never see kenny crawl
up into miss crabtree's uterus.
Y'know, maybe we've all
learned something here.
I mean, we set kenny up to further
and further himself each time,
Having to always
outdo himself.
Now he's in jail
for being a ***.
And perhaps, just perhaps,
we are to blame.
All right,
that does it.
This has been bothering
the hell out of me.
I knew it, you're not
cartman at all!
Uh-Oh.
Well, we've seen him do just about
every disgusting thing in the book.
And today,
live on pay-Per-View,
Krazy kenny is going to crawl
into a woman's uterus
For six hours!
Well, miss crabtree,
your *** has been dilated,
Your womb equipped
with oxygen-
How do you feel?
I feel great.
I haven't had this much attention
paid to my cooch since i was 16!
Hooray!
Well, let's bring out
the man of the hour.
You know him as the-
Don't worry, dude,
you're gonna do great.
No way,
i'm not doing this.
Oh, you're doing it,
Or else we're gonna bust your
whole scheme wide open
And tell your mom you haven't actually
been at your drug rehab this whole time.
But this isn't fair!
Deal, druggie.
And here he is,
kenny mckormick!
We can watch him
on the video monitors.
How are you doing
in there, kenny?
That's my boy.
Good-Bye, chad.
We'll be wanting
a refund, naturally.
Naturally.
Good-Bye,
alice.
Good-Bye, thank you.
Oh, don't thank us.
We failed you.
65, 66, 67
Wait a second,
this isn't right.
Hmm?
It's time for me to be
responsible for my own actions.
Mom, dad, we've been eating
candy this whole time.
Eric cartman's been
sneaking in junk food.
Eh, shut up,
you hef, chad.
No, he's right.
The counselors been
doing a good time,
We've just been
yeah! Cheating.
I believe i can lose the weight
with exercise and proper diet.
I don't want to make
excuses no more.
Me neither!
Yeah!
If you take us back,
we promise we won't cheat.
Well, it's all right
with me.
Parents?
Well, what the heck.
Maybe when you're all done you can
teach me a thing or two, huh, son?
Y'know,
you guys are right.
I'm sick of being
the fat kid too.
I've been making
excuses all my life,
But i know deep down that if i took
responsibility and really tried hard,
If we all try together,
we really can lose the weight!
Oh no, not you, you're not
welcome here anymore.
Yeah! Yeah!
What?
Buh-Bye.
Screw you, fat ***!
He did it!
Come on out,
kenny.
You made it six hours, kenny,
come on out of there.
Hmm, uh, miss crabtree, maybe
you could give him a little push.
Nnnn gah.
Ohhh!
He's dead, the pressure
must have killed him.
I told you i was
a tight *** flower.
Oh my god,
they killed kenny!
Sort of.
Yeah, they kind of killed
kenny's look-Alike.
You ***!
Well, he gave his life
for our amusement.
One little boy who dared
to be different.
Let us never forget,
kenny mckormick.
Who's that?
? A *** is someone
who will love you?
? No matter who you are
or what you look like?
Yes, it's true children.
? That's not why
you pay a ***?
? No, you don't pay
for her to stay?
? You're paying her
to leave afterward?
? That's why i praise the lord
for ***?
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
soundwriters�