VICE and Project X's Party Legends: Johnny Knoxville

Hello. My name is Johnny Knoxville, and this story ain't too good but it's long. I was at the bar with all the "***" guys, probably seven, eight years ago. And we had mousetraps. And we were slapping them on each other's ear or nose or whatever when you weren't looking. And some guy pushes through the crowd and says he wants to take a mouse trap to the nuts. We're like, uh, all right. That's fine with us. So Tremaine, director of "***" held the mousetrap out and the guy pulls his nuts out and Jeff snaps the mouse trap on his nuts. And he screams like hell after it happens. The guy's girlfriend's standing there and she's not psyched about it. Then he offers up his pee-pee to put in the mousetrap. And so he puts his pee-pee in the mouse trap. He's freaking out, screaming. But loving it, kind of. We go back to drinking and the owner of the bar comes out. He's like, so who's going to take the hammer to the nuts? And that drunk guy pushes back through the crowd, says, I'll take the hammer to the nuts. And at that point, his girlfriend just *** leaves. Like she's over it, and she leaves. So he lays his nuts on the wood table in the owner of the bar lifts the hammer up and just lets it fall straight down on his nuts. And at that point, we're really disturbed. But kinda happy. And then he wants to follow that by putting his jim-dog down on the table. And so a lays his jim-dog out, takes the hammer to it, and something had to burst. Just a complete black and blue mess. Couple of nights later, I was at a bar, and some nut pushes his way through the crowd, and it was the same guy. He's like, oh, man. My girlfriend broke up with me. I totally support her in that decision. He goes, you wanna see my ***? And he pulls out this, like, just withered and beaten ***. It looks like a dog's chew toy or something. I didn't know really know what to say, so I think I just took him to the bar and bought him a shot. What do you say?