Doc Martin S5E2 - English Transcript

Eight minutes late. Doctor, I'm so sorry. I can't believe Joan's dead. Right. While I've got you, can I just say the pills you gave me made me dizzy? No. And nauseous. Could you change my prescription? Go away. Hello. Hello. Condolences that sort of thing. Yes. Your father's not here, of course. No. Good. Can I introduce myself? Well, you'll have to. He won't. I'm Louisa Glasson. Yes, you're the school teacher Joan kept on about. I see you had the child. I'm Ruth. Martin's aunt. Louisa, would you take her into the church? Yes, of course. So you're Joan's sister? That's right. I'm sure Martin's told you all about me. Yes. Yes, of course he has. Don't lie, dear. But if you must, do it with conviction. Poor old Joan That woman was everything to you. Thank you. Of course, I saw it coming. What? Mrs Norton's myocardial infarction. The signs are obvious to a pharmacist. You should have said. Didn't like to. Not my place. Glad she didn't suffer. Mm. But just once, I'd like to deal with something violent Something suspicious. You know, ***, manslaughter I'd settle for a suicide. Well, fingers crossed, then, eh? My condolences, sir, at this time. You're late. No. We should have started ten minutes ago. We got stuck behind some cows on the road. Well, you should have allowed for that. Come on. So, we have six pall bearers? No. Only five. He can't lift weights. I can. You shouldn't unless you want the next funeral to be yours. I could go number six. I'm not sure about that. Dad, I can do it. Really? You For God's sake. Let's just get my aunt into the church. Al, come through. I thought there'd be more flowers. I don't know why. Good turnout, though. Joan would be pleased. Well, if she wasn't Dead? Yes. Anyway. Sorry. I'm no good at small talk. That's all right. My upbringing gifted me with a chronic case of social awkwardness. Middle child syndrome. Distant mother, overbearing father, and a succession of quasi-*** encounters at a very young age. I either alienate or over-share. Just like now, in fact. Do you see much of Martin? Not much. We speak on the phone at Christmas. So are you going to have another attempt at a wedding? You look the type. It's a little bit complicated. Lux Aeterna You OK? Yeah, fine. Argh! I tripped. Sorry. Did you hurt yourself? I don't think so. Get up, then. Hey! Be quiet. Take his place. You sure you're OK? Joan Norton died of a heart attack. Cardiovascular disease causes more deaths in this country than any other medical condition. Joan was overweight, refused to exercise and had a poor diet. I'll erm take him outside. Cardiovascular disease is caused by a build-up of atheroma in the walls of the arteries around the heart. Three Zero Two One from Tango Delta, receiving? Three Zero Two One, receiving? Tango Delta receiving, go ahead. A lorry's shed its load on the A39. Can you deal? Over. Stand by. Stand by. I'll call you back. I'm in church. No, it's a funeral. A good percentage of the people in this church are clinically obese. Should I get some help? I'm OK, thanks. It's my back. I pulled a muscle. Maybe you should go and see Martin. He won't want to be disturbed. No, no, I meant at the surgery. He's here till Friday. I think I've got some paracetamol. I've already taken quite a few. I'll leave you to it, then. Sorry. Eating a healthy diet and keeping physically active not only protects your heart, but reduces the risk of a stroke or dementia. That's all I have to say. Hymn number 13. Abide With Me. Abide with me Fast falls the eventide The darkness deepens Lord with me abide When other helpers fail and comforts flee Help of the helpless O abide with me Anyone drive a blue Merc? So Pauline decided to give it a miss, then? It's a bit of a drive from Bristol. And she couldn't get the time off work. Didn't she tell her boss why I don't know the details, Dad. These savouries aren't going to serve themselves. See you. I don't see the point in this. I'm going home. We've only just arrived. Everyone's drinking their free wine. They won't notice. I'll stay for a bit longer, if that's all right with you. You all right? Yes. May I? Yeah. Never thought I'd do this with one of yours. No. Still no name? Not quite. Have you phoned Imperial? Yes. I left a message for Robert. Will he mind if you stay? He's only got to find a locum for two weeks. Well, I'm very grateful. And it means you get to keep Martin a while longer. Puts off the moment when you have to fend for yourself. I won't be fending. I'll be fine without Martin. Of course. I didn't mean Food. I'm starving. Yes. If you are staying for another fortnight, maybe we should move into the surgery. Well, I sort of assumed we would. I suppose it does make sense for us to stay together for the little time we've still got. Well, if you want to prolong that time, then you could always come with me. Well, yeah, but there is my job. They have schools in London for children every bit as dim as the ones you're used to. Can I tempt you with anything? No, I was leaving. Then why don't you go? I think I will. Al, I'll have something. Bert Large. Proprietor. Ruth Ellingham. Psychiatrist. Do you think I could have a glass of water? Of course. Martin, can you join me for supper tonight? I'm staying at The Crab And Lobster. No, I'm moving into the surgery. That will take most of the evening. Pity. I'm leaving first thing in the morning. Erm actually, it might be a good idea if you hung on for a couple of days. There are a few formalities that need sorting out. Well, I'll have to do some juggling. Did you know that Joan left you the farm? That bloody woman. And I only gave her slippers for Christmas. She was determined to get me out of London. It's still an option. Not without Joan. Thank you. Right. No! No! Go away from here. Go. Go away. Get out. Out. You don't live here. Go. Right. Go away. So I joined a forum for new mums. Posted a question on the website. Can I use this computer? Yes. Louisa, you are aware that the Internet is populated with self-professed experts? If you want some real medical advice, I think I could probably help. You sure? OK, doctor. So, when you're breast-feeding, do you have a problem getting your baby to latch on to the left side? Right. I'll take these upstairs. I've just fed him, I've burped him, changed him, cuddled him, jiggled him. Nothing's working. Is he hot? He hasn't got a temperature. He's fine. Except he can't be. Sometimes babies just cry. Maybe I should get him a dummy to suck. Maybe that'll help him sleep. No, a dummy will increase the risk of an ear or stomach infection, damage his teeth and prevent normal speech development. Thank you. What time does the chemist open? Problem with your eyes? I just need some drops. You're not used to the sea air. Nothing like it. It irritates my eyes and makes my hair lank. Bite yourself? No, just my tongue's sore. Are you OK? It's nothing. Couldn't hurt to see your nephew, get it checked. Good advice. Duly noted. Breathe in. My leg keeps making noises as well. Be quiet. Clicking noises. Sh! Stay there. Ellingham. Is it an emergency? Is it an actual emergency? Call back at lunch time. Hello. Dr Ellingham Click-click, when I go up or down stairs. Anything wrong with your hearing? No. Stop talking, then. You have a minor respiratory infection. I'll put you on a course of ampicillin. The noise in your leg - does it hurt? No, it just clicks. Doc - Get out! Take off your trousers. Can't I just roll 'em up? I didn't say you could speak. Hello? Hi, there, Sue. No, it's Louisa. Dear. I'm sorry to hear that. Erm I think he can see you on Thursday? Yes. Right. Yeah. I'll make a note of that. Hope you feel better. OK. Bye. Well, someone's got to do it. Yes. Are you going to look at my legs? Go through. Morning. Chickens and young men Joan had quite a menagerie. All right? I'm Al. Yes, I saw you at the wake yesterday. Al, of the restaurant Large. He-heh. I thought I'd better take care of Joan's livestock till things got sorted. Things are sorted. Joan left the farm to me. She loved this place. Yes. And now I have to tidy the poor thing away. Well, I suppose I'll stay for a week or so and then decide what to do. Well, do you want me to carry on doing this, or It doesn't look very difficult. I'm sure I can throw food around as well as anyone. Well, the sheep will need feeding. Right. How many of those? A dozen or so. Depends if any got out in the night. They'll need some water taking up. Most of the veg is ready for digging, and well, all the fields could do with a topping. Right. Well, perhaps you'd better stay on, after all. Mm. Thank you, Doctor. No patients? Harry Pote said he'd be here by now. But it doesn't look like he's coming this morning. Is it too much for you? No. I don't mind doing reception, just till you've gone. Back in a sec. And *** sacks - remind me. Dr Ellingham, I've brought my son to see you. You're late again. More cows on the road? No. We had a sudden cremation. It wasn't like spontaneous combustion. We had it booked in - Go through. Not you. Just the patient. I want to know what's wrong with my son. Then you speak to him afterwards. Go through. Stay there. Is your back still hurting? Yeah, quite a lot now. Take off your jacket and shirt. Are you well generally, apart from your back? I'm OK. Any night sweats or fatigue? I'm a bit tired, but we've been busy lately. A lot of dead people. Taking any medication? Just some paracetamol. Get on the scales. Have you lost weight recently? No. Always been like this. Your shoulders are burned. Yeah. I fell asleep on the beach. Off the scales. That side hurt more than the other? Don't think so. All right. Get dressed. I'm going to need a urine sample. Did the pain start suddenly or develop gradually? It was like I was stabbed. What were you doing at the time? Lifting weights in the gym. How often do you go to the gym? Every other day or so. Why? I'm trying to get a six-pack build up my muscle development. Right. I don't need this - Argh! Argh! All right. Don't make a fuss. Come on. You can't have hurt yourself. It's my leg. Did you twist your ankle? Something went crack. Argh! What have you done to my boy? He pushed me over. You tripped me up. Argh! Why is he screaming like that? I think he's fractured his tibia. I'll call an ambulance. No. Don't bother. I'll take him to the hospital myself. It'd be much better - Help me take him to the car. All right. And don't drop him. Argh! Mind your head. Think some farmer might buy our scraps for pig-swill? No. You might as well throw that in there as well. What's that, then? Our bank statement. Have you seen our balance? That's rubbish. That can't be right. We've had punters every night. They're not spending enough. Son, no need to panic. When you've been around as long as I have, you know a thing or two about business. Now, every problem has a solution. And vice versa. That's all he does, night and day, just sits there, fiddling with it. I can't make him stop. You'd think his hands would fall off. I see. He's addicted. Those computer games ought to be outlawed. Is this really a medical complaint? Hello? Hold. Warh! Would you rather be in bed? No, I'm fine. I just nodded off for a moment. Speak to this person. Yes. Hello. So sorry to keep you waiting. Dear. What day might you like to come in? Here, Al. Been doing some serious pondering. Is that why you went down the Crab? Do my best ponder over a pint or two. Anyway, it's a good thing I did. I took a look at their menu. They've gone all gastro. Gastro? 'Pan-fried', 'locally sourced', 'served on a bed of wilted rocket'. They hiked up their prices up and all. But don't worry, son, I've got a plan. You've got a plan? God. Hear me out, right. Now, they've gone upmarket so we go downmarket! How much lower can we get, Dad? There's no stopping us. We do traditional pub grub pie and peas, sausage and mash, chips with everything. You really think that'll work? Son, son, son, leave it with me. All right, Dr Ellingham? There's no hot water at the farm. Yeah, well, Joan was always having a problem with that boiler. Like a bite to eat? No. Thank you. A large plate of Spaghetti Carbonara? Get it while you can - we'll soon be heading down a whole new culinary avenue. No. So what do I do? Is there a plumber in the village? Well, I can have a look at it for you tomorrow, when I come and feed the animals. You? I used to be a plumber. With my Dad. Right, then. You've got responsibilities here, what with the re-launch. Al is doing a few chores around the farm for me. Are you now? Er well, I'm just helping out. Do you feel threatened, Mr Large? This psychiatry that you do you got one of those posh clinics with the fish tanks and the cushions and the couch? I assess the criminally insane at Broadmoor. Always on the lookout for a personality disorder. It's an occupational habit. Sorry. Could I have a glass of tap water? Er yes. At this restaurant, two things are always free tap water and a smile. Yes? Come in. It's you. Shut the door. How's your leg? Not good. They gave me this envelope, said you'd want to read the notes, see the X-rays. Did you bring your urine sample? Yeah. Wasn't easy with these. I made a right mess. I had to wait for ages. You say that as if it was my fault. It was you pushed me over. I didn't push you over. You got in my way. A fracture like that is from violent twisting or direct impact. Neither of which applies to your case. I want you to go back to hospital. Why? A healthy young man shouldn't break his leg just because he takes a tumble. There's blood in your urine. Probably a kidney stone. Back pain on one side You need an ultrasound scan. With a tibia cracking for no reason, a blood test to check calcium levels, and a bone density scan. Will it hurt? The scan, no. If you pass a kidney stone, yes. I'll prescribe you some painkillers that'll help a little. Drink plenty of water. About three litres a day. You might think this is just a chemist's. Well, yeah, it is. No. This is the first port of call for the sick and needy of Portwenn. Yeah, although if there's something proper wrong with them, they go and see the doc. Doctor Ellingham and I work very closely together. He relies on me. Yeah. Sounds wonderful. Your first customer. Hello. What seems to be the problem? Well, you see, I broke my leg. And how did that happen? You know I was riding my motorbike. Fast. Dare-devil, like. Really? So a certain local doctor didn't fall on you? Dr Ellingham would never injure any of his patients. Well, he kind of did. I doubt that very much. So, can I get these painkillers, please? Also, can I have some cod liver oil as well? Only if you step back a bit. Bit more. OK. Now turn around and take down a bottle of mouth-wash. For your fish breath. Aunt Ruth. You do realise that vegetables grow on your farm? If they leap out of the ground and clean themselves, I might be tempted to cook them. And are you going to stay? For the time being. You know, Martin, I never thought you'd do serious medicine again. Makes me very proud. Aunt Ruth? Are you all right? I'm fine. I must be off. Do you want a glass of water? I get simply furious if I don't have my dinner on the table by six. Do you have allergies? My shopping, please. I'll take them. Love to the family. OK. That will be ã620, please. Hang on. ã9. 80. Half wit. Thank you. Miss Glasson. Hi, there. How's the leg? Yeah, still broken. Hello, Morwenna. I thought you got a job at the bakery. Yeah. They gave me the sack. Thing is, they said I was eating more than I was selling. But Sorry. I have to get back. Just some nappies, please. Have you run out? Well, you'll soon learn the ropes I expect. I thought I had a spare packet. Then I couldn't find 'em. Morwenna, nappies. Come on. Chop-chop. Hello, Master Ellingham. He's Master Glasson, actually. That's right. He never did get married to your mummy, did he? Mm-mm-mm! He's very tired. What are you doing? Perhaps we could come up to London at the weekends. It's a long journey with a small child just for two days. That's true. Still, it'd be nice to see you. Well, I suppose if there's something he wants to do, the flat's just round the corner from the Science Museum. What's it like? You've never been to the Science Museum? No, the flat. Erm it's on the sixth floor. About 900 square foot or thereabouts. There's a balcony, with a view of the street. It's very clean. Nice. Mm. Hello. Surgery. Can I help you? Mr Pote. Calm down. Now, what's wrong? OK. OK. Well, it's only two weeks. I can't get a locum for just a fortnight. There's an emergency. I'm on the phone. It's Neville Pote. I don't care who it is. Is this a bad time? No. He says his son's in agony. Why? I can call you back. Hold the line, please. Harry locked himself in the loo. Neville doesn't know why. Tell him to find out. You're busy so I'll be brief. George Melton's offered to cover your absence, but he's not flying back for anything less than two months. How does that sit with you? You want me to stay here till October? It would help me out my end. But obviously, it's your call. Harry's now lying on the bathroom floor, screaming like a baby. I really think you should go and help. Martin? Hello? Mr Pote? What took you so long? What's wrong with him? Something came out in his wee. He passed a kidney stone? You're the doctor, you tell me. Poor little boy. Did you keep the stone? I just flushed it away. Brilliant. Good God. What on earth - what on earth is he doing? Well, I just thought it might pep him up a bit. I like to give him a blast on the sun lamps every now and again, for the Vitamin D. Vitamin D? To make him stronger. I need him to lift the bodies and coffins, see? I see. Never mind the risk of melanoma? A short walk in the sun every day would give you all the Vitamin D you ever need. You smell of fish. I take some cod liver oil, every now and again. Do you? Is he taking anything else? He drinks some of them shakes. What shakes? It's all good stuff. It's all very healthy. Protein shakes. How many of these is he having a day? He has one with every meal and one before bed. Are you aware that excess protein consumption leads to acidic blood? That sounds bad. Yes. That's bad. To compensate for the acidity, the bones in your body release calcium, which means that the bones become weak and brittle. How many of these Vitamin D tablets are you taking? Two or three? For God's sake. But they're vitamins. They're good for you. Not if you take too many, you idiot. Hey! And you're a fool for encouraging him. At least I never broke his leg. His leg broke because his bones are brittle from too many protein shakes, too long under a sun lamp, too much fish oil and too much Vitamin D, which also gave you a kidney stone, by the way. If you stop taking this rubbish and burning your skin, you might recover by the end of the year. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to I just I just wanted to look good. I've never had a girlfriend, see. Don't worry, son. You'll get one soon. You're a lovely boy. Isn't he, Doc? God. It's all right for you. You've got a wife. We're not married. Well, I'll do my best, but you might be looking at a new boiler. Can't you just hit the old one with a hammer? My sister thought that low fat diets only happened to other people. Arthritis? Yeah, my dad's got a touch of that. Just a severe case of clumsy. I once dropped a whole tray of glasses at the restaurant You've cut yourself. Damn. Let's have a look. It's fine, doesn't hurt. Yeah. You should go and see the doc. That might need stitches. No, I'm sorry. No, that's just not possible. Because he doesn't make house calls unless there's an emergency. Louisa? Friday 10:30? No, you can't make two appointments in case you're late for the first one. Because, well, it doesn't really work like that. Louisa. Fine. Yes. See you at 10:30. Mrs Crumby's test results. On your desk. I looked. Please don't do that in here. Where do you suggest that I do it, Martin? Whereabouts on my desk? I can't remember every tiny little detail, Martin, but they're definitely somewhere in that room. I see. So not necessarily on my desk, but somewhere in this room. Excellent! Do you need help with your baby? I can manage, thanks. I could be the nanny or something. But you already have a job. No. Not any more. What happened with Mrs Tishell? Nothing. Well, maybe it's cos I called her a droopy cow. Louisa, got a bit of a problem here, look. Dear. Martin. Martin! Erm come through. Jabbed myself with a piece of glass. Come over to the sink. I'll wash and disinfect it. Ooh. It's deep. Does that hurt? No. I'll need to seal that. Hold that tight. Take a seat. That didn't hurt? No. You can't feel that, can you? Leave me alone. What were you doing when you cut yourself? Just finish up. I want to go. Please. Thank you. I'd like to do some tests after this. I don't have time. Really? Is there a chicken that needs feeding? You're hiding something. I'm dying. I found out six months ago. I've got Lupus. Secondary Systemic Lupus. Your mother died of that. I'm sorry, Martin. You've just lost one aunt. This is the last thing you need. What can I can do to help? Just be there. I know dying is the natural course of events. But I Please could I have a tissue? You don't need one. What? You aren't producing tears. What tests did your GP run? Eye irritation, muscle weakness and butterfly rash were on the symptom list for Lupus last time I looked. Did you diagnose yourself? Yes. Did you do any blood tests? I didn't need to. You're not the only doctor in the room, Martin. Stick your tongue out. Is this rash permanent? It comes and goes. Any seizures or loss of balance? No. You have inflamed eyes. You're unable to produce tears. Your mouth is dry. Your body is attacking its moisture-producing glands. I think you're wrong. I don't think you have Lupus. I think I do. Then I'll take some blood and run your anti-nuclear antibodies. You have Sjorgrens Syndrome. It's easily treated - saline drops, saliva substitutes. I'm sorry, Aunt Ruth, but you're going to live. Not indefinitely, obviously. I'll write you a prescription. And I've got some saline drops you can have. Martin. Well, that's that, then. Except the house stinks. Regurgitated breast milk. All right? Hello, boy. Had to take Ruth to the doc's. She cut her finger. She OK? Yeah. So erm need a hand with anything? All right. I'll take him. Thank you. Louisa, could I have a word, please? Yes. Thank you. I'd rather you didn't leave reception unattended. It wasn't. I was just upstairs. But reception is downstairs. I know where it is, Martin. You're talking to me as if I'm a child. Do you have a problem with how I'm doing the job? It's not a question of whether I have a problem Right. No. That's fine. Then I shall quit. Louisa. Could you take the baby, please? That's not our baby. A lot of my patients say they find a rural environment very relaxing. Of course, they also like it as a place to hide the bodies. You'll have no trouble getting rid of the farm. Everybody wants a house in the country. I'm keeping it. Join me. I think the silence might be just what I need to finish my book. And for that matter, to start it. Well, do you want me to carry on with the animals? By all means. And you could help me do the place up. There's rustic and there's shambolic. Is your daily rate exorbitant? Not when you consider I'm handy with the plumbing, the carpentry and the electrics. I could use a little help here. Right, then. Cheers. Cheers. The most important thing is to make sure that appointments go first and that Doctor Ellingham gets their file when they go in. Seems a bit boring. Well, it's not. OK, it might be, but you said you needed work. Yeah. I do. So pay attention. Ultimately, it's up to Martin whether you get the job or not. Who is this? All right? I'm Morwenna. Morwenna Newcross. I thought maybe she could be the new receptionist. Is she qualified? Depends what you mean by qualified. Does she have training or experience? Can she work a computer? I used to work in a bakery. Is that relevant? Dunno. Just thought you might like to know. Still get discounts on pastries. And she's a very quick learner. And obviously weren't very happy with me as a receptionist. That doesn't mean I want just anyone off the street. I honestly think she would do a very good job. Really? Of course. And it's only for a few weeks. Er actually, no, it's for two months, at Robert's request. I didn't know that. Er yes. I was going to tell you. Is that good? Weeks, months, whatever. Can I have the job or what? No, of course not. Leave it with me. I don't trust him anymore. I think he's planning to do something to me. Do as I do. Start the day with a strong brew. Shut up and get out. Put that down! What do you think I'm going to do - throw it at you and hope you swallow some? All right. It's not ideal, but we can work with it.