Show Boat by Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein II - Dialogue and Script

SCENE ONE (The levee at Natchez on the Mississippi. About 1890. The towboat "Mollie Able" is up R. The show boat "Cotton Blossom" is up L. STEVEDORES are piling up bales of cotton at R. WINDY an old pilot, stands on the Texas deck of the towboat, smoking his pipe and looking on) STEVEDORES Colored folk work on de Mississippi Colored folk work while de white folks play- Loadin' up boats wid de bales of cotton, Gittin' no rest till de Judgement Day. GALS Git yo'self a bran' new gal, A lovin' baby who's de apple of yo' eye.  Coal black Rose or high brown Sal, Dey all kin cook de sparrer grass an' chicken pie! STEVEDORES Hey! Git along, git along, Git along, git along. Hey! Git along, git along, git along, hey! STEVEDORES & GALS  Colored folk work on de Mississippi  Colored folk work while de white folks play - Loadin' up boats wid de bales of cotton,  Gittin' no rest till de Judgement Day! Cotton blossom, cotton blossom, Love to see you growin' free. When dey pack you on de levee You're a heavy load to me! Cotton blossom, cotton blossom, Love to see you growin' wild! On de levee you're too heavy For dis po' black child! (STEVE enters from the show boat and places a picture frame  left of the gangplank. PETE, the engineer, enters from the  towboat. Coming down C., PETE and STEVE exchange dirty looks.  STEVEDORES work upstoge to a pile of bales. GALS sit around  on bulkhead, leaving downstage clear. QUEENIE, the cook,  waddles on from market with a basket of provisions on her head) QUEENIE Lordy, mah feet shure is killin' me dis mornin'. STEVE Mornin', Queenie. QUEENIE Mornin', Mars' Steve. PETE Hey there, ***! Where y'all git dat brooch you're wearin'? (WINDY takes his pipe from his mouth) QUEENIE You mean dis scrumptious piece of jewelry? PETE Where'd you git it, ***? QUEENIE It was give to me. PETE Who give it to you? QUEENIE Ax me no questions 'n ah'll tell y' no lies! (to herself, as she walks towards the show boat) Dat man! Axin' me where ah gets mah jewelry! Hm!  (QUEENIE exits. STEVE scowls at PETE and exits after QUEENIE.  PETE plunges his hand in his pockets and goes upstage. WINDY  replaces his pipe in his mouth) STEVEDORES & GALS Colored folk work on de Mississippi, Colored folk work while de white folks play Loadin' up boat wid de bales of cotton, Gittin' no rest till de Judgement Day! Cotton blossom, cotton blossom, Love to see you growin' wild! On de levee you're too heavy For dis po' black child! (A group of dainty, beruffled MINCING MISSES enter from R. and L.  They go over to the pictures. The GALS move upstage again, imitating the white girls' mincing gait) 1st MINCING MISS The center picture is Julia LaVerne, the leading lady. (PETE turns and slouches downstage) 2nd MINCING MISS My - isn't she beautiful! (The local BEAUX make a dashing entrance from stage right,  like the young bucks they are - they stand off and ogle the  demure maidens. PETE hangs around the picture frames as the  GIRLS turn to be demure for the BEAUX) BEAUX What a pretty bevy!  Ah! There! Ah, there!  The fairest of the fair To Southern beauty  Ev'ry beau must bow! MINCING MISSES How you love to flatter,  You rogues! You rogues!  (confiding to audience) Oh, goodness gracious! They're so flirtatious! (to Beaux) You naughty fellows Seem to think you please us When you tease us So! You're a reckless lot We know! BEAUX Little women don't be timorous!  You will find acting thus Only makes a man more bold! These are not the days of old! BEAUX (each grabbing a Mincing One) See! The show boat! That's old Captain Andy's "Cotton Blossom,"  Will you go? Let me take you to the show! GALS H'yah! Look live dere! GIRLS Twil1 be delightful, But to rightfully accept I have to make Mama Get permission from Papa! STEVEDORES & GALS H'yah! Look live dere! GIRLS & BOYS  (reading handbills) Captain Andy has gathered a troupe In the greatest of drammers and jolly comedies.  Stephen Baker, the handsomest leading man  And beautiful Julie LaVerne as well! STEVEDORES & GALS Ho! Ho! Ho! BOYS & GIRLS "Cotton Blossom," Captain Andy's floating show! Thrills and laughter, Concert after, Ev'rybody's sure to go! "Cotton Blossom," "Cotton Blossom," Captain Andy's floating show! Thrills and laughter, Concert after, Get your girl and go! STEVEDORES & GALS Cotton blossom, cotton blossom, Love to see you growin' free, When dey pack you on de levee You're a heavy load to me. Cotton blossom, cotton blossom, Love to see you growin' wild! On de levee You're too heavy For dis po' black child! BOYS & GIRLS So get your girl and go! STEVEDORES & GALS So let dat whistle blow! (PETE steals JULIE's picture from the frame. WINDY takes his pipe from his mouth PETE hastily puts picture out of  sight as he slinks away and exits onto the towboat. PARTHY's voice is heard off stage) PARTHY (off stage) Andy!!! (She enters) Drat that man, he's never around! (MAGNOLIA is heard practicing the piano on board  the "Cotton Blossom") WINDY  (from the Texas deck) Lookin' for Cap'n Andy? PARTHY Yes, Windy - have you seen him? WINDY Nope. (He puts his pipe back in his mouth) PARTHY Well - if y' ain't seen him, why did you ask  me if I was lookin' for him? (WINDY has an irritating way of not seeming to hear) Y'old weather-beaten buzzard! I'm goin' to tell my husband  to get a new pilot... 1st MINCING MISS Is that your little girl playing the piano? PARTHY Yep - ain't so little any more - eighteen this comin' August. 1st MINCING MISS I've brought a chocolate cake for Captain Andy.  2nd MINCING MISS And I have some plum jelly for him PARTHY Well, he ain't around and the Lord knows when he will be. 3.Cap'n Andy's Ballyhoo  (The band is heard in the distance) BOY Here comes the Show Boat parade! (The CROWD gathers, shouting and waving their hats. Some  coloured children run on, leaping, dancing, throwing their  hats in the air. CAPTAIN ANDY enters from stage R., with a  girl on each arm, behind him the brass band and balance of  the troupe and followers. He finishes stage C.) GIRLS  (presenting candy, etc., to ANDY) Captain Andy, Captain Andy, Here's your lemon cake and homemade candy.  Quince preserve and apple brandy;  Mama sends her best regards to you. GIRLS & BOYS Captain Andy, Captain Andy, We've been hearing all about your dandy Show.  Is this year's good as last year? Won't you tell us what is new? ANDY Ladies and Gentlemen - I want you to meet some of the greatest  artistes that ever played the river town... Miss Ellie May Chipley,  the toast of Cairo, Illinois. (applause) C'mon, Ellie! (He pulls her by the hand to the center.  All applaud. ELLIE simpers) Next, I want y'all to meet Frank Schultz (FRANK steps out - applause) Mr. Schultz is the villain in our play - but off the stage, he's  as meek as a lamb, and wouldn't hurt a fly - and he's stuck on Ellie. (All laugh lightly - but ANDY laughs the loudest) That's they way they are, folks - jest one big happy family! And I'm  their father - Ha! Ha! (GIRLS laugh) And Parthy here is the mother -  Ha! Ha! (All laugh) What about that, Parthy? PARTHY Oh, y' make me sick! ANDY (coughing) Jest one big happy family! Now, folks I want you to meet the little  sweetheart of the South - Miss Julia LaVerne, our leading lady (applause) Y'all know her, and y'all love her - what more can say? And we have  another famous ornament of the stage with us - Mr. Stephen Baker! The handsomest leading man in the middle west!  (STEVE, who has been scowling at PETE, achieves a prop smile. The  GIRLS gasp admiringly) So here we are, folks - jest one big happy family! ANDY Look't we got! Look't we got! How can we fail? How can we fail? You never seen a show like this before! We'll try to make the evening bright, And if you come around tonight, Tomorrer night you'll come around for more. GIRLS & BOYS Captain Andy, Captain Andy You know how to make a show sound dandy. ANDY Frank and Ellie, C'mon, let's show 'em Jest a sample of your soft-shoe dance! PARTHY (the note of warning - she has stood enough) Captain Andy! Captain Andy! ANDY (pleading) Jest a sample PARTHY What a man! My land, he Gives away his show for nuthin'! ANDY  (to FRANK and ELLIE) Jest a sample of the dance! (He signals the band, turns to the crowd and beams as the dance  begins. At the finish of the dance FRANK and ELLIE strike a pose) Looking out to sea! (At the end of the dance ANDY applauds with so much gusto  that the crowd would be ashamed not to follow suit. ANDY  begins passing out handbills)  Well, folks, that was jest a sample - don't forget the bill tonight -  "Tempest and Sunshine" - that beautiful melerdrammer of tears and  laughter concert after the show - Bring the children - come one, come all! (ANDY works upstage among the crowd - part of the CROWD gathers  around JULIE and STEVE, the BOYS around JULIE, and GIRLS around STEVE, so they are temporarily separated. These admirers, however, keep at  some little distance as they stand and worship their idols of the stage.  PETE slinks up to JULIE) PETE Hey, Julie! That's hell of a thing to do - giving my present to a *** - JULIE (nervously) Pete - if Steve ever knew about you sending me that brooch, I declare  he'd just about beat you to death - (STEVE sees PETE and JULIE together) PETE Well, he'd better not try, and you better be pretty nice to me -  or you'll be mighty sorry -  (STEVE has come up to PETE- he takes his arm  and swings him around so that he faces him) STEVE I told you to keep away from my wife. I reckon I won't do  any more talkin' about it. (Holding PETE's arm, he strikes him and  knocks him down. JULIE screams) JULIE Steve! Don't! (The men clinch - PARTHY sees them) PARTHY Andy! (PETE and STEVE struggle - GIRLS shriek, the crowd  mills around the two men as they wrestle. ANDY hops  about ineffectually. PETE falls - ANDY rushes in and  holds STEVE) STEVE I'll kill him!!! ANDY Get on that boat! (FRANK runs up - ANDY sort of passes STEVE to FRANK, who  leads him back into the boat STEVE, half dazed with anger,  and weakened by the nervous outburst, follows meekly, dimly realizing he has done something wrong. ELLIE helps PETE to  his feet. ANDY looks around - the CROWD looks puzzled - he must say something. Suddenly he becomes inspired) ANDY Well, folks - that was jest a sample. The boys jest showed you a scene from one of our bills - that's the way they are, folks... always skylarking, always playing pranks. (He looks around at a horrified PARTHY and ELLIE, solemn JULIE, and PETE, just coming to) ...Jest one big happy family! (He gives the band the high sign - they strike up a tune -  "Cotton Blossom". He cheers and throws his hat in the air -  his good spirits infect the CROWD. who follow suit and join  in singing "Cotton Blossom" as they exit) ALL Cotton Blossom, Cotton Blossom, Captain Andy's floating show! Thrills and laughter, Concert after, Get your girl and go! (This exit masks the entrance of a gentleman in  elegant but frayed clothes, who has paused up C.  This is *** RAVENAL. He leans against the  bulkhead and looks out over the river. His face is  not yet seen. ANDY, ELLIE, PARTHY and JULIE are  left on stage. PETE confronts JULIE) PETE Just wait! I'll get you two for this, and I know how I can do it - and when I start in, you'll be sorry you were ever born - ANDY You get away from here, you little no-account river rat!  You're fired! (PETE exits) An' if y'ever come near my show boat again, I'll pitch you right  into the river! And don't try to get on the towboat either...  (looking up to WINDY) Y'hear that, Windy? (WINDY nods) Throw him right off the boat. (WINDY nods) We'll pick up a new engineer in Fort Adams. PARTHY (Looking hard at JULIE) Humph - nice goin's on! ANDY (looking sympathetically towards JULIE) It wasn't Julie's fault, Parthy - PARTHY 'N you protectin' her! JULIE The one thing I'm grateful fer is that Magnolia wasn't here - PARTHY So am I - an' I'll be grateful for somethin' else, Miss LaVerne -  I'll have to ask you to stop givin' Magnolia pianner lessons.  In fact, I don't want my daughter mixed up with you - or anybody like you - JULIE Mrs. Hawks - please don't say that - Nola is like a little sister  to me - outside of Steve, I don't love anybody like I love Nola - (crossing to ANDY) Mr. Hawks - if I have to stop seeing her - I can't stay on the  Cotton Blossom - I just can't! (She runs into the show boat as the tears come rushing to her eyes) ANDY Now you done it - now you done it!  The best leading lady on the river! ELLIE (coyly snuggling up to ANDY) Oh, Cap'n Andy, if Julie goes, will you give me a chance  at the leads? I'd love to get a crack at a serious part -  I'd be a sensation in drammer. ANDY Why, Ellie! There ain't a funnier girl on the river 'n you are! ELLIE (anxiously clutching his arm and kneeling) Oh, Captain Andy, don't! Don't stamp your foot down  on real actin' ability! PARTHY (grimly) Leave go my husband's arm - (ELLIE edges away gingerly. PARTHY turns her attentions  to ANDY. During the following tirade he doesn't dare answer.  He stands meek and still) An' you - you think more of your show boat troupe than you  do of your own daughter's upbringing - Well, thank God, her  mother had a good Christian bringin' up in Massachussetts. Where I come from, no decent body'd touch this show boat  riff-raff with a ten foot pole - let alone have their  daughters mixed up with them - I'll have more to say to  you, later! (She exits into the boat. ANDY waits until she's gone -  then, oblivious to ELLIE'S presence, he answers PARTHY back) ANDY (walking up and down and arguing  with his imaginary adversary) Oh, you will, will you? Well, maybe I'll have somethin' to say  to you, too - 's far as that goes I'd just as soon have her be  friends with Julie as any gal I know - yes - Julie! You heard me! (He sees ELLIE) My God - I'll tell her! PARTHY] (off stage) Andy!!! ELLIE Are you going to tell her all that now? ANDY No - I'll tell her tonight - late. I don't want any more trouble before the show. Jest one big happy family - bah!! (ANDY exits into the show boat ELLIE turns away from the boat and sees RAVENAL-) ELLIE It's a man... (RAVENAL turns, and we see him for the first time - so does  ELLIE. He strides down-stage, nonchalantly swinging his cane. She thinks he's grand - she drops her handkerchief. RAVENAL picks up her handkerchief and hands it to her with courtesy) ELLIE Thank you so much. RAVENAL Delighted to be of service, Ma'am. (ELLIE gives him a flirtatious glance and crosses left.  RAVENAL looks after her, mildly amused. He takes the long cheroot from his mouth and looks at it reflectively. VALLON enters from stage R. RAVENAL sees him. They regard each  other coolly for a moment) VALLON Back in town, Gay? RAVENAL For a short stay... VALLON Can't be more than twenty-four hours, you know. RAVENAL Give me time, can't you? I haven't been twenty-four  hours stepping off the gangplank onto this wharf,  have I? I can get back on just as quickly. (With impulsive irritation, he throws his  half smoked cheroot to the ground) VALLON No offense, Gay - just thought I'd remind you in case  of trouble. It'd be terrible to have you locked up -  all the purty gals on the river front'd be cryin'  their eyes out. Where you aim to go from here? RAVENAL Who cares? Who cares where I go? VALLON Seegar? (As he proffers a cigar, RAVENAL raises  his eyebrows disdainfully) RAVENAL What did you call it? VALLON See-gar. RAVENAL Optimist. . (VALLON shrugs his shoulders and walks off R. RAVENAL  swings his cane airily and strolls up and down as he sings:) 4.Where's The Mate For Me?  RAVENAL Who cares if my boat goes upstream, Or if the gale bids me go with the river's flow? I drift along with my fancy Sometimes I thank my lucky stars my heart is free - And other times I wonder where's that mate for me?  (MAGNOLIA begins again on the piano, off stage. He looks up.  She hesitates in her fingering at a certain point. He pantomimes the serious anxiety a listener always feels, hoping she'll hit  the right note. He sits on a cotton bale and goes on with his  musing, idly tapping his cane on the ground) RAVENAL The driftwood floating over the sea Someday finds a sheltering lee, So, somewhere there surely must be A harbour meant for me - (MAGNOLIA enters on the upper deck of the show boat) I drift along with my fancy - Sometimes I thank my lucky stars my heart is free, And other times I wonder where's the mate - (He turns and sees MAGNOLIA. What a picture! A very young  face, and a fluffy dress all pink with flowers and everything -  and she is becomingly shy - yet bold enough to return his gaze -  and to speak first) MAGNOLIA Hello... RAVENAL (taken by surprise - an unusual thing) Er - how do you do? MAGNOLIA Do you live here? RAVENAL No - I'm just a way-farer along the river MAGNOLIA So am I - which way are you going? RAVENAL Either way - where are you going? MAGNOLIA Anywhere Papa gives shows. RAVENAL (a trifle jarred) Oh - are you a player? MAGNOLIA You mean like on the pianner? Yes - I play a little. RAVENAL Oh - was that you I heard just now -? MAGNOLIA Yes - that was me! RAVENAL (under his breath) What a pity! MAGNOLIA What did you say, Mister? RAVENAL Er - when I asked you if you were a player - I meant -  are you an actress? MAGNOLIA Oh - no - but I'd give anything if I could be. RAVENAL Why? MAGNOLIA Because you can make believe so many wonderful  things that never happen in real life. RAVENAL But wonderful things do happen - this very day  I was standing here on the levee - feeling blue -  and suddenly I looked up, and - MAGNOLIA I must go now - RAVENAL Why? MAGNOLIA Well, you see, you're talking to me - and I don't know you - RAVENAL Does that really matter so much? MAGNOLIA N-no - not to me - but they say it isn't nice. RAVENAL If you like to make believe things, why can't  we make believe we know each other? MAGNOLIA Oh, yes - and we haven't seen each other for seventy-five  years, and you're my long-lost nephew - there's a scene  like that in a play called "The Village Drunkard." RAVENAL No - seventy-five years is too long - besides, I don't  think I'd like the idea of being your nephew. Let us imagine that we've just met - MAGNOLIA But we really have. RAVENAL Yes - but let's just suppose that we've fallen in love  at first sight. 5.Make Believe  (sings:) Only make believe I love you, Only make believe that you love me. Others find peace of mind in pretending - Couldn't you? Couldn't I? Couldn't we? Make believe our lips are blending In a phantom kiss, or two, or three. Might as well make believe I love you, For to tell the truth, I do. (He steps back) Your pardon I pray, 'Twas too much to say The words that betray my heart. MAGNOLIA We only pretend,  You do not offend In playing a lover's part. The game of just supposing Is the sweetest game I know. Our dreams are more romantic Than the world we see RAVENAL And if the things we dream about Don't happen to be so, That's just an unimportant technicality. MAGNOLIA Though the cold and brutal fact is You and I have never met, We need not mind convention's P's and Q's. If we put our thoughts in practice We can banish all regret Imagining most anything we choose.  We could make believe I love you, We could make believe that you love me. MAGNOLIA & RAVENAL Others find peace of mind in pretending, Couldn't you, Couldn't I? Couldn't we? RAVENAL Make believe our lips are blending In a phantom kiss - or two - or three. MAGNOLIA & RAVENAL Might as well make believe I love you, RAVENAL For to tell the truth, I do... (RAVENAL reaches up and kisses MAGNOLIA's hand.  They stand and gaze at each other. VALLON enters  from R. followed by JOE, who is carrying a sack  of flour, which he places on stage up C.) VALLON Ravenal - the Judge'd like to see you. RAVENAL What for? VALLON Nothin' serious - but I reckon you'd better come along  and have a talk with him. (RAVENAL turns to MAGNOLIA) You will excuse me, ma'am? I hope I'll see you again -  in a little while. (He bows and exits grandly with VALLON, patting the top of his hat with a flourish and swinging his cane. MAGNOLIA looks after him adoringly. Then she sees JOE looking at RAVENAL curiously) MAGNOLIA Oh, Joe! Did you see that young man I was talkin' to?  (JOE turns) JOE Mornin', Miss Nola... Yep - I seed him - seed a lot  like him on de river - MAGNOLIA Oh, Joe, he was such a gentleman! Have you seen Miss Julie?  I got to tell her - I got to ask her what she thinks - (MAGNOLIA exits L.) JOE Better ask de ol' river what he thinks - he knows all 'bout dem boys... he knows all 'bout everythin'... (JOE sits on a box, takes out a knife, picks up a shaving and starts to whittle, idly, as he sings:) 6.Ol' Man Rive  JOE Dere's an ol' man called de Mississippi; Dat's de ol' man dat I'd like to be! What does he care if de world's got troubles? What does he care if de land ain't free? Ol' Man River, Dat Ol' Man River He mus' know sumpin' But don't say nuthin', He jes' keeps rollin', He keeps on rollin' along. He don' plant taters, He don' plant cotton, An' dem dat plants 'em Is soon forgotten, But Ol' Man River, He jes' keeps rollin' along. You an' me, we sweat an strain, Body all achin' an' racked wid pain - Tote dat barge! Lift dat bale! Git a little drunk, An' you land in jail... Ah gits weary An' sick of tryin'; Ah'm tired of livin' An' skeered of dyin', But Ol' Man River, He jes' keeps rollin' along. (BARGE MEN enter, pulling rope, during the following verse. The curtains close in, leaving JOE and MALE CHORUS  in front, in one) Colored folk work on de Mississippi Colored folk work while de white folks play, Pullin' dem boats from de dawn to sunset, Gittin' no rest till de Judgement Day. MEN Don' look up An' don' look down You don' dast make De white boss frown. Bend your knees An' bow your head, An' pull dat rope Until yo' dead. JOE Let me go 'way from the Mississippi Let me go 'way from de white man boss; Show me dat stream called de river Jordan, Dat's de ol' stream dat I long to cross. MEN Ol' Man River, Dat Ol' Man River, He mus' know sumpin' But don't say nuthin', He jes' keeps rollin', He keeps on rollin' along. JOE Long ol' river forever keeps rollin' on... MEN He don' plant taters,  He don' plant cotton, An' dem dat plants 'em Is soon forgotten,  But Ol' Man River, He jes' keeps rollin' along. JOE Long ol' river keeps hearing dat song. You an' me, we sweat an' strain,  Body all achin' and racked wid pain -  Tote dat barge! Lift dat bale! Git a little drunk An' you land in jail... JOE & MEN Ah gits weary An' sick of tryin';  Ah'm tired of livin' An' skeered of dyin',  But Ol' Man River, He jes' keeps rollin' along! (BLACKOUT) ACT ONE, SCENE TWO (The kitchen pantry of the "Cotton Blossom," a half hour later.  Chair and sugar barrel down L. Kitchen table up L. Cupboards and  shelves on back wall. Kitchen presumably off L. At rise, MAGNOLIA  is sitting on chair, right, day-dreaming. QUEENIE enters with a  pan of biscuits) QUEENIE What cher doin' all by yourself, Miss Nola? MAGNOLIA Nothin'. Just waitin'. I wish Julie would come - QUEENIE Ah declare, ef de kitchen pantry ain't de funniest place to be  meetin' people. JULIE  (whispering off stage) Nola! You there? Nola -  MAGNOLIA  (same tone) C'm on in, Julie - JULIE (entering) I had a hard time getting here - I just missed being caught  by Parthy. Oh, look at Queenie's biscuits! QUEENIE Now look here, Miss Julie. Dinner'll be in five minutes. JULIE Oh, let me take a bite. Joe'll help you make some more. QUEENIE Joe! Dat lazy *** don't help me - he's always too ' tired -  ef dat feller ever tried to cook, he'd be puttin' popcorn in  flapjacks so dat dey'd turn over by demselves! MAGNOLIA Sit down, Julie - I got to tell you something. JULIE (sitting) I'm just dying to hear what it is... (MAGNOLIA climbs on sugar barrel next to JULIE's chair, and squats, tailor fashion) MAGNOLIA Julie - I'm in love - QUEENIE (stopping in her action as she is reaching to the shelf for a box of salt) What's dat? You says in love...? (She laughs - much too boisterously to suit MAGNOLIA ) Why yo' po' crazy little gal - you got your first long skirt  and you in love! (QUEENIE laughs even louder than before - which seemed impossible -  and exits into the kitchen with her box of salt) JULIE (taking MAGNOLIA's hands in hers) Tell me all about it, honey, who is he? MAGNOLIA I don't know - he was standing on the wharf - and I was  standing on the top deck, and he looked so different  from anybody else and so - so beautiful. JULIE (snuggling MAGNOLIA's head against her ***) Yo' poor little lamb - (JULIE is thoughtful. MAGNOLIA can't wait for her comment,  and turns to her impulsively) MAGNOLIA Julie, he said he liked me - d'ye think he meant it? JULIE I don't know, child - I don't know as I like you to go fallin'  in love with some man that nobody ever heard of - suppose he  turned out to be a - be just a no-account river feller - MAGNOLIA But if I found out he was no-account, I'd stop lovin' him... JULIE Oh, no, you wouldn't - once a girl like you starts to love a man, she don't stop so easy - MAGNOLIA Couldn't you stop lovin' Steve if he treated you mean? JULIE No, honey, no matter what he did - MAGNOLIA Why do you love Steve? JULIE I don't know - he's such a bad actor on the stage, and he thinks  he's so good - maybe that's why I love him - you see, child -  love's a funny thing - there's no sense to it - that's why you got to be so careful when it comes creeping up on you - MAGNOLIA It's like that thing you always sing when we take our walks... JULIE I know... 7.Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man  (sings:) Fish got to swim, birds got to fly,  I got to love one man till I die Can't help lovin' dat man of mine. MAGNOLIA That's it... (QUEENIE, re-entering, stops in her tracks and looks puzzled) JULIE Tell me he's lazy, tell me he's slow,  Tell me I'm crazy (maybe I know) Can't help lovin' dat man of mine. QUEENIE How come y'all know dat song? (JULIE stops abruptly, a swift terror steals across her face, and  quickly vanishes - succeeded by an expression of stolid caution) MAGNOLIA Why? Do you know it, Queenie? QUEENIE F'sho' ah does - but ah didn't ever hear anybody but colored folks sing  dat song - sounds funny for Miss Julie to know it - MAGNOLIA Why, Julie sings it all the time. QUEENIE Kin y'sing de whole thing? JULIE 'Course I can  (almost fiercely) What's so funny about that? (She starts to sing in an attitude of defiance,  then lapsing into the "blue" spirit of the song) Oh, listen, sister, I love my mister man, And I can't tell yo' why. Dere ain't no reason Why I should love dat man - It mus' be sumpin' dat de angels done plan.  Fish got to swim, birds got to fly,  I got to love one man till I die - Can't help lovin' dat man of mine. Tell me he's lazy, tell me he's slow,  Tell me I'm crazy (maybe I know)- Can't help lovin' dat man of mine. When he goes away Dat's a rainy day, But when he comes back dat day is fine,  (carried away) De sun will shine! (QUEENIE goes on beating time with a spoon)  He kin come home as late as kin be, Home widout him ain't no home to me - Can't help lovin' dat man of mine! QUEENIE (tickled to death) Dat's beautiful, Miss Julie - JOE (entering, eating an apple) Was dat you, Miss Julie? Dat's mah favorite song! QUEENIE (singing "at" Joe) Mah man is shif'less An' good for nuthin' too (He's mah man jes' de same) He's never round here When dere is work to do - (Looking hard at JOE. Two COLORED SERVANTS enter from R.) He's never round here when dere's workin' to do. JOE He's never round yo' when dere's workin' to do.  (Another colored helper comes on from L. and listens, entranced) QUEENIE De chimbley's smokin', De roof is leakin' in, But he don' seem to care. He kin be happy wid jes' a sip of gin - JOE Why you all talk 'bout gin? QUEENIE Ah even loves him when his kisses got gin! JULIE, QUEENIE & SERVANTS Fish got to swim and birds got to fly, I got to love one man till I die - Can't help lovin' dat man of mine.  Tell me he's lazy, tell me he's slow, Tell me I'm crazy (maybe I know) Can't help lovin' dat man of mine. When he goes away, dat's a rainy day, But when he comes back, dat day is fine, De sun will shine! He kin come home as late as kin be, Home widout him ain't no home to me - Can't help lovin' dat man of mine! JOE While de birds fly, till de world dies, I'll love dat gal of mine (Or else she ain't my gal!) She's lazy and slow, crazy, I know.  Can't help lovin' dat gal. (She's jes' as crazy 'bout me!) When I goes away, all de rainy day, An' when I comes back, dat day is fine,  Yes, sister. She kin come home as late as kin be,  Home widout her ain't no home to me,  Can't help lovin' dat gal of mine! TWO MALE SERVANTS While de birds fly up in de sky My gal loves me; Dat's why she's true gal of mine She may be lazy and slow as cold molasses, I know, Can't help lovin' dat gal of mine! When I goes away, dat's lovin' all de rainy day, dat's lovin', An' when I comes back dat day is fine, Yes, sister! She kin come home as late as kin be, Home widout her ain't no home to me, Can't help lovin' dat gal of mine! (MAGNOLIA has started to do the shuffle) JOE Look at dat little gal shuffle! (MAGNOLIA dances. QUEENIE and JOE egg her on, ad lib) JULIE, QUEENIE & WOMEN He kin come home as late as kin be, Home widout him ain't no home to me, Can't help lovin' dat man of mine! JOE & MEN She kin come home as late as kin be, Home widout her ain't no home to me, Can't help lovin' dat gal of mine! (BLACKOUT) ACT ONE, SCENE THREE 8.Life on the Wicked Stage  ELLIE Why do stage struck maidens clamor  To be actin' in the drammer? GIRLS We've heard say You are gay Night and day. ELLIE Oh, go 'way! GIRLS We drink water from a dipper, You drink champagne from a slipper. ELLIE Tho' it seems Crool to bust All your dreams, Still I must; Here's the truth I tell you: Life upon the wicked stage Ain't ever what a girl supposes; Stage door Johnnies aren't rag- Ing over you with gems and roses. When you let a feller hold your hand (which Means an extra beer or sandwich), Ev'rybody whispers: "Ain't her life a whirl?"  Though you're warned against a roué Ruining your reputation, I have played around The one night trade around A great big nation: Wild old men who give you jewels and sables Only live in Aesop's Fables. Life upon the wicked stage Ain't nothin' for a girl. GIRLS Though we've listened to you moan and grieve, you  Must pardon us if we do not believe you, There is no doubt You're crazy about Your awful stage! ELLIE I admit it's fun To smear my face with paint, Causing ev'ryone To think I'm what I ain't, And I like to play a demi-mondy role With soul! Ask the hero does he Like the way I lure When I play a *** Or a paramour, Yet when once the curtain's down My life is pure, And how I dread it! GIRLS Life upon the wicked stage Ain't ever what a girl supposes, Stage door Johnnies aren't rag- Ing over you with gems and roses. ELLIE If some gentleman would talk with reason I would cancel all next season. Life upon the wicked stage Ain't nothin' for a girl! GIRLS You'd be back the season after! (DANCE) 9.Till Good Luck Comes My Way  (RAVENAL enters from the saloon, followed by MEN) RAVENAL The man who ventures with chance Is the man who's adding the salt, romance,  To a world That otherwise is dark and drear. The sane conservative lot Have their fate secure in a guarded spot Of the world, They're welcome to their drab career. TENORS It is all well enough to be grinning While your winnings grow, But when Fortune reverses her spinning, Life is not a-glowing. BASSES It is easy to be grinning While your stack is growing, But when Fortune reverses her spinning Life is not a-glowing. ALL MEN That is why we like to see Someone who can be Unconcerned and free Like you. RAVENAL If I am losing today I will take my loss and I'll pay For I know that in time my luck will turn, It's bound to turn. Till good luck comes my way I'll play along, While there's a game on the highway I'll stray along With just the turn of a wheel Or the flip of a card as my guide. I let fate decide If I walk or ride. Why sit alone with your sorrow And kill the day? There may be sunshine tomorrow To fill the day. While I've a heart and a brain And my ebony cane I can borrow Until the day when good luck comes my way. MEN Never venture, never gain; Men of caution, it is plain. Fortune will change like an April day, So we will wait till good luck Will come our way! RAVENAL Never venture, never gain; Men of caution, it is plain,  Live in vain, So I will wait till good luck Will come my way! ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR 10.Mis'ry's Comin' Aroun'  (After a short prelude, the curtain rises. The auditorium of the "Cotton Blossom,"  QUEENIE and the COLORED CHORUS are sweeping and  cleaning in preparation for the rehearsal to come. JOE is polishing the brass rails) QUEENIE. Mis'ry's comin' aroun', De mis'ry's comin' aroun', I knows it's comin' aroun', Don't know to who. QUEENIE & WOMEN Mis'ry's comin' aroun', De mis'ry's comin' aroun', We knows it's comin' aroun' Don't know to who. JOE Better hurry up dat cleanin'... Cap'n Andy gonna rehearse soon. QUEENIE Who you givin' orders to, shif'less? JOE You heared me... say, what's a matter wif you  today, Queenie? You been snappin' back at me  lak an ol' mud turtle. QUEENIE I don' feel right today. You jes' lemme alone  an' keep polishin' yo' rails... SOLO VOICE Heaven keep dat devil away. TWO VOICES Keep dat misery far away. TWO MORE VOICES An' if he is a'comin' today ALL Heaven, don'cha let him stay!  (MAGNOLIA and JULIE enter) MAGNOLIA Pa ain't here yet. JULIE He will be in a minute - you get at your pianner. MAGNOLIA Oh, Julie, I hate to rehearse today. I'd rather  sit and talk to you about him. JULIE Well, you can't now, honey. I'm goin' to slip  backstage. I don't want your ma to know we  been talkin' together. QUEENIE Mis'ry's comin' aroun', So if you done any wrong Den lift yo' feet off de groun' An' fly away. MEN If you done any wrong Jes lif' yo' feet off de groun' An' fly away, An' fly away. JULIE Why you all singin' dat song, Queenie? QUEENIE When I got out a bed dis mornin', ah knowed somethin' was goin' to happen. JULIE Well, what's happened? QUEENIE Nuthin'... yet. (sings:) I knows misery's near, I don't know why it is here, Don't know for who, Don't know for why, Why dat misery's near. MEN I only knows it's near, Don't know for who, I don't know for why Dat misery's near. SOLO BASS I knows misery done come here. (JULIE has by now walked up the steps to the stage. In spite  of herself, she has started rocking and swaying like the others) JULIE When I dies, let me rest With a dish on my breast. Some give nickel some give dime, All dem folks is fren's o' mine. ALL On my back, in a hack, In a fohty dollar hack. No mo' gin, no mo' rum, Oh, de misery's done come! JULIE (suddenly hysterical) Stop that rotten song! (Everybody looks at her, awe-struck) It's enough to bring misery to us all if you  keep singing like that! (There is silence. ANDY is heard off stage) ANDY Take her up, Rubberface! (The roller curtain is raised revealing ANDY STEVE and  RUBBERFACE waiting for direction. PARTHY enters carrying some costumes she is mending and takes a position on chair, L.)  What's the matter, Julie? Anything the matter? JULIE No, just nervous, I guess. Going to start rehearsal. ANDY Might as well. While we're waiting for Ellie and Frank  let's skip right down to Act Three - we'll take it from  where your sister just went out - that's your cue -  y' get up - got your part? JULIE I know it - (JULIE rises and becomes an actress - totally artificial person) "I wonder what can be keeping Parson Brown? He  promised to be here before dark, and the twilight  is fast fading into night." STEVE "Miss Lucy, although I wear the garb of a parson" (STEVE now steps out of character) May I make a suggestion here, Cap'n? I thought it'd  be a good idea if while we was talking here for Frank to pass by and peek in through the window like this. (He pantomimes Frank sneaking by, and peering through the window  with a blood-curdling expression on his face. MAGNOLIA rises, like a  bright pupil in a classroom) MAGNOLIA Y'can't do it! Room's supposed to be on the second floor - Frank  couldn't look in the window if it was on the second floor - ANDY I don't think it'd be any good anyway - MAGNOLIA Julie let me study her part - I know every line and  all the business - if you forget anything, ask me - PARTHY You stick to the pianner, young lady - no play-actin' for you - (MAGNOLIA sits down at the piano. Enter ELLIE from stage L.) ANDY Here's Ellie. You're late! ELLIE I'll explain later. ANDY Where's Frank? ELLIE He's comin'. Steve, I've got somethin' to tell you. (She runs over to STEVE. She seems nervous and worried.  She stands on tiptoe and whispers in STEVE's ear. He is  visibly affected) ANDY All right, Steve - as long as Frank's comin' we'll lead up  to the entrance - C'mon, Steve. STEVE (dazed, not able to think as fast as he'd like to) Er - all right - er - "Miss Lucy - although I wear the clothes -" MAGNOLIA Garb! STEVE (His voice seems detached from his thoughts) "Garb of a parson" - "Beneath these sombre vestments there  is the heart of a man that beats for you alone." JULIE (rising) "Hamilton!" (They embrace. STEVE whispers in her ear, apparently  what ELLIE told him. She looks at STEVE, horrified. ELLIE  takes one step toward her sympathetically. JULIE looks  over at ELLIE questioningly) ELLIE (half whispering) They'll be here in a minute. ANDY (reading script) All right - embrace over - then what? JULIE Then - I say - I say - ANDY Prompt her, Nola - MAGNOLIA "Hamilton - my own, my own!" Papa! Look at Julie! (JULIE has fallen limp in STEVE's arms. He places her on the bench) ANDY (running over) What's the matter? STEVE Julie's sick. MAGNOLIA (running to her) What is it, Julie? ANDY (puzzled) Well, you better stop rehearsin' an' rest, so's you'll be all right tonight. JULIE (in terror) No - no! I can't play tonight. Don't ask me! (STEVE is standing at JULIE's side and does not turn around.  His eyes are on JULIE, MAGNOLIA presses JULIE's hair back on  her forehead) PARTHY Huh! Playing Fort Adams tomorrow - good a stand as we got - probably won't be able to open there neither if she's as  sick as all that. JULIE (in a high strained voice) I'll be able to play tomorrow! STEVE (in desperation) She'll be all right as soon as she gets out of this town. PARTHY That's a funny thing... ANDY Sure you won't be feeling better by night time? (WINDY shambles on stage L.) JULIE (flinging herself into STEVE's arms - clinging to him, weeping) No! No! Leave me alone, can't you? Leave me alone! (MAGNOLIA jumps up, frightened by JULIE's sudden outburst) ANDY Sure - sure, we'll leave you alone, Julie. Hello, Windy - what you doin' here? (The little group turn toward WINDY. He takes his hat off  and rubs his head) WINDY Seems that skunk Pete's been up to something. skinned out an hour back, streaking toward town like possessed. He yanked  that picture of Julie out of the frame on the levee. I seen him. ELLIE (to STEVE) I told you! STEVE I'll kill him this time, the - ANDY Shut up. WINDY Just stepped down to warn you. I seen Pete coming along the levee with the sheriff. He'll be along now any minute. ANDY Well, let him come aboard; our license is paid. JULIE What are we going to do? STEVE Stay right here - you know what I told you. (JULIE springs up from the bench and clings to STEVE. He looses her hold roughly and from his pocket he whips  out a large clasp knife and opens it - all the women scream  but Julie. ANDY springs at STEVE but is shaken off) ANDY Steve! What are you doing with that knife? STEVE I'm not going to hurt her, you fool - leave me be - I know what I'm doing. (MAGNOLIA instinctively seeks shelter in PARTHY's arms) Somebody go out and keep them away a minute - Hold out your hand, darling - it won't hurt much (He seizes JULIE's hand in his left one and runs the  blade across the tip of her finger. He throws the knife  upstage. He bends his head and pressing his lips to the wound, sucks it greedily. With a little moan JULIE falls back onto the bench. STEVE looks off left. VALLON enters left and goes up to the group. Some of the TOWNSPEOPLE  and COLORED SERVANTS have followed him in, and other  curiosity seekers edge in during the ensuing scene. JOE  appears in an upper box, wiping the rails) VALLON Hello, Windy. Captain Hawks do you acknowledge to be owner  of the show boat? (ANDY clutching his whiskers steps forward. His voice  quivers in spite of an effort to be cool) ANDY 'Course I do. What do you want? VALLON Well, Cap, I have an unpleasant duty. I understand there's a miscegenation case on board - MAGNOLIA What's he mean, Mama? ANDY How's that? VALLON Case of a *** woman married to a white man. Criminal offense in this state. ANDY No such thing - no such thing on board this boat! VALLON (producing paper) Name of the white man is Steve Baker - (All look at STEVE. He looks straight forward, meeting no one's eyes)  Name of the negress (He squints at the paper) Name of the negress is Julie - Dozier. (He looks at group) Which one's them? MAGNOLIA (involuntarily) Julie! (She takes a step toward JULIE. but PARTHY holds her back) STEVE (stepping forward) I'm Steve Baker (points to JULIE) This is my wife - VALLON Julie Dozier - my information says you were born in Mississippi. Your pop was white, and your mammy black - that right? JULIE Yes - that's right. MAGNOLIA But Julie - you - VALLON You two better get your things and come along with me - (STEVE throws an arm around JULIE's shoulder and faces VALLON) STEVE You wouldn't call a man a white man that's got *** blood in him, would you? VALLON No, I wouldn't. Not in Mississippi. One drop of *** blood makes you a *** in these parts. (JOE stands looking on dumbly) STEVE Well, I got more than a drop of - *** blood in me, and that's a fact. VALLON You ready to swear to that in a court of law? STEVE I'll swear to it any place. (takes a step forward, one hand outstretched) I'll do more than that. Look at all these folks here. Every one of them can swear I got *** blood in me  this minute. That's how white I am. VALLON Well, I seen fairer men than you that was ***...  still, you better tell that to the Judge. WINDY (clears his throat and steps forward) Ike Vallon; guess you know'd me better part of  twenty-five years. I was keel boatin' time you  was runnin' aroun' barefoot on the landin'...  now I'm tellin' you, me, Windy McLain - that  that white man there's got *** blood in him.  I'll take my oath to that - (WINDY stands in silence) VALLON If it was anybody else but Windy - but I got this straight  from - well, from somebody who ought to know. ELLIE (all indignation) From who? From a sooty-faced river rat named Pete - and why? Because he's been stuck on Julie here - and  she wouldn't have anything to do with him. ANDY That's right, sheriff. That gal's telling the truth. (VALLON waits quite a while before answering) VALLON Guess I got to take Windy's word against this other fella - (to PARTHY) Mrs. Hawks, you look like a respectable woman. PARTHY I am. VALLON Do you all stand by what Windy just said? ANDY Why, of course we do. Windy wouldn't tell a lie to save  his own life, you know that, sheriff - VALLON Well, I'll take his word for it... (He starts to go, but stops at entrance) Only let me tell you this - don't try to give your show tonight with mixed blood in it - or you'll be riding out of town on something that don't sit so easy as a boat. (VALLON turns deliberately, and exits off L. The eyes  of the crowd follow him, fascinated by the ominous  quality of his final speech. The heads then turn to  the central picture of the stage. JULIE's head is  buried in STEVE's shoulder. He keeps his arm around her and stands immovable, with set expression on his  face, brave, grimly defiant. PARTHY looks on, contentedly  austere, waiting to see what ANDY will say about all this -  ANDY and MAGNOLIA, emotionally very much like each other, find the situation quite beyond them - probably each has a desire to run to the humiliated couple and join STEVE  in protecting JULIE - probably each is too afraid of  JULIE's sensibilities. How can one tell how she will  receive anything?) STEVE You needn't all look at us like we were a couple of  wild animals - we ain't goin' to hurt anybody - C'm on, Julie. We'll pack up our things... (He releases JULIE. Her shoulders straighten bravely,  but her eyes look down and meet no one's gaze as she  precedes STEVE to their tiny dressing room. R., and exits) COLORED CHORUS On my back in a hack, In a fohty dollar hack, No mo' gin, no mo' rum, Oh de misery's done come! ANDY (he has to take it out on somebody) Well, what're y'all standin' around fer like a lot of tree  stumps - clear out, the whole lot of you - go on!  (They turn slowly, as dispossessed crowds always do.  A mutter, a whisper - they are gone. So are the lowlier  members of the cast who retire discreetly to their rooms. ANDY stops one of them) ANDY Rubberface, write out a sign and get it hung up at the post  office. No show tonight. Leave enough cash to refund the tickets. (to WINDY) Windy - we pull out o' here soon's Rubberface gets back. (WINDY turns and exits L., silent and grim. RUBBERFACE exits.  Only PARTHY, MAGNOLIA, ELLIE and ANDY are left on stage and JOE stands in the upper box, fixed and dumb. MAGNOLIA leaves her mother and starts walking slowly off stage L.) PARTHY Nola! Where you goin'? (JOE exits from upper box) MAGNOLIA I want to see Julie... PARTHY You come back here this instant! No daughter of mine's  goin' to talk to that - that - (running over and grabbing MAGNOLIA's arm) MAGNOLIA (shaking her off almost savagely) Let me go, mother! I'm goin' in to Julie! (She goes up and exits into JULIE's room) PARTHY Well, Hawks, you see what your show boat has done to your daughter - ANDY I think the show boat's made a damn fine girl out of my daughter - PARTHY I'm goin' straight into that room and pull her away from that lyin',  deceivin' - ANDY (stopping her) Now, wait a minute, Parthy - Julie'll be gone in a few minutes and  it'll all be over. Thing we got to do is figure out how we're going to give a show tomorrer night without Steve... PARTHY You're just as bad off for a leadin' woman - ELLIE (rising) How about me? "Beneath this mirthful mask burns a soul -" ANDY (trying to head her off) No! You're a comedian. I was thinkin' we'd let Nola jump in -  she knows all the parts - PARTHY Over my dead body. There never was an actress in my family and  there ain't goin' to be. (FRANK comes up on stage. His hair is a little mussed - he  walks with exaggerated straightness, like a man who is trying  to carry his liquor. He is a little overloaded and a bit dazed) ANDY I just meant to put her in temporary. She don't know much about actin', but she's got a smile worth a million dollars. ELLIE Frank, where you been? PARTHY Tell Frank what a fine troupe he's in - FRANK You mean - Julie? Know all about it - I was with Pete when he told the sheriff - ANDY Steve and Julie are leavin' - do you know any actor we could  pick up in Fort Adams to jump into the lead? ELLIE How about Frank? (FRANK perks up involuntarily) PARTHY Fine leadin' man he'd make, with that face and those flat feet - FRANK I never asked to play a lead, did I? (impressively) But if you're lookin' for a beauty, I got one - ANDY Who? FRANK There's a feller I met in town - seems he's got to leave tonight and there ain't no boats - he asked me if we took passengers. PARTHY O'course we don't take passengers - FRANK So I brought him along - he's waitin' outside -  swell lookin' feller - ANDY Tell him to come in - let's see him. FRANK There he is, looking at the pictures - I'll bring him in. (calling off L.) Hey, Mister!... Will you come up here? ANDY Looks like a swell... PARTHY Looks like a river gambler to me - ANDY He's got manner - the gals'd like him - Parthy,  (slapping his knee) - I believe I'll take a chance - PARTHY I declare, Andy Hawks, you'll wind up in a lunatic asylum - (FRANK leads RAVENAL to the center of the stage) FRANK Meet Captain Andy Hawks - this is Mr... er... RAVENAL Ravenal is my name, suh - *** Ravenal -  of the Tennessee Ravenals. (PARTHY sniffs - a little louder than the word  "sniff" suggests. RAVENAL turns to her raises his eyebrows and turns back to ANDY. If PARTHY doesn't  know her place now, she never will) I thought, suh, if I could have a bed on your boat tonight, I could pay you my fare tomorrow at Fort  Adams - I - er - expect a remittance, and - (ANDY looks at PARTHY who nods a grudging affirmative.  ANDY acts on her endorsement) ANDY You ever acted? RAVENAL Acted! ANDY On the stage - acted - been an actor! We need a juvenile lead -  fifteen dollars a week - chance to see the world - no responsibility. RAVENAL Am I to understand that you are offering me the position of juvenile lead? PARTHY That's what he means, young man. We don't like to pick up actors off the wharves, but we can't be choosy jest now - RAVENAL Madam, your courtesy is only exceeded by your charm - ANDY (delighted to see someone score off PARTHY) Ha-ha! Better take the job. Fifteen dollars a weekfound money -  no responsibility - a chance to see life -  RAVENAL I've seen it. (He turns upstage to FRANK and ELLIE JOE appears in the upper box and watches the proceedings. At this point JULIE's voice is heard  offstage R. MAGNOLIA runs down to center of the stage, followed by JULIE) JULIE Don't Magnolia, please - MAGNOLIA (She is very decisive - very brave, despite the tremor in her voice) Father - half an hour ago Julie was my dearest friend - And she hasn't changed a bit - to me - (RAVENAL steps back. She doesn't see him) ANDY (quietly) O'course not, Nola. MAGNOLIA Then why are you sending Julie away? JULIE He's not sending me, Nola dear - Steve and I want to go... MAGNOLIA If Julie goes, I go with her - PARTHY Well - that's a nice thing to say! ANDY Now don't talk nonsense, Nola - you've got to stay with your mother - (RAVENAL turns, sees MAGNOLIA) - no matter what - an' another thing - I'm dependin' on you to play the leads till we get somebody - JULIE See, Nola - what a chance for you - I just know you can act. (But MAGNOLIA has at last seen RAVENAL and she scarcely sees or hears anything else. He bows slightly, not certain if  it is tactful to bow at all) ANDY An' if this young man'll play the juvenile lead - and if he's a quick study and wants to act opposite you - we could get  you both ready by tomorrow night - (to RAVENAL.) You a quick study? RAVENAL (gazing at MAGNOLIA) Lightning! (MAGNOLIA bows her head. STEVE enters) STEVE Ready, Julie? (to ANDY) Didn't have time to get everything together, Cap'n - if you'll just bundle up our trash and leave 'em at  the post-office in New Orleans, we'll pick it up - ANDY Need any money, Steve? STEVE No - guess we'll make out all right - thanks. Good-bye. ANDY Good-bye, Steve. (He shakes hands with STEVE. As STEVE takes his hand away  he finds some money in it. He starts to thank ANDY, but  ANDY motions him to be quiet in front of PARTHY) JULIE (to MAGNOLIA) Goodbye, dear - (MAGNOLIA runs to kiss her. JULIE turns her head away, but holds MAGNOLIA close to her) I'll write to you - and you write to me  and tell me all about... everything. (She looks straight over MAGNOLIA's shoulder at RAVENAL, then, with sudden impulse she jerks herself away and runs to STEVE. As JULIE and STEVE exit, JOE calls  timidly from the box) JOE Goodbye, Miss Julie - Goodbye, Mars' Steve - JULIE Goodbye, Joe (JULIE and STEVE exit) MAGNOLIA Julie! Julie! Wait for me! Julie! (ELLIE catches her. There is a dead pause. ANDY leads  her back. She looks up and sees PARTHY's bewildered face) MAGNOLIA Mama - I'm awfully sorry I talked to you like that - I - I loved - Julie so - (FRANK and ELLIE exit L.) ANDY (clearing his throat) Well - well - we ain't got much time - (picks up a manuscript of "East Lynne") Here, take this, Mr. Ravenal - I'd like to hear how you  handle dialogue - now the idea of this character is -  you're in love with her, see? Now try it - jest a sample... Come on, Nola - MAGNOLIA What'll I do, Papa? ANDY You jest smile, Nola, that'll get 'em. (JOE, very thoughtful observer of the drama he has just seen and is seeing - knowing in his wise old head that  this newcomer is going to change conditions on the  show boat, knowing there is nothing he can do to stop the march of events in this puzzling river world,  falls back on his resigned philosophy, singing softly to himself, "Ol' Man River", etc.) RAVENAL (reading mechanically) Miss Lucy - will you be mine? ANDY No! Nothin' like it! Nothin' like it at all! More feelin'! You love her! Goshamighty, man,  you love her. Now go on and tell her... RAVENAL I understand. (This time he "feels" it - much more) Miss Lucy... will you be mine? (They look into each other's eyes, then with a sudden mutual impulse, they are in each other's arms, in a long kiss. ANDY chuckles, PARTHY paces the stage in a panic. ANDY, noticing this, slaps his thigh and laughs even louder) JOE But Ol' Man River, He jes' keeps rollin' along!  (BLACKOUT) ACT ONE, SCENE FIVE 11.I Would Like To Play a Lover's Part  (The Box Office on the foredeck of the "Cotton Blossom." Three weeks later. Box office windows R. and L. Latter marked  "Colored." Wide arch C. leading to the inside of the boat. Just R. of arch MAGNOLIA's picture - just L. of arch, RAVENAL's picture, featuring them as leading man and woman. Gang plank L., extending off stage to higher level. At rise, a V-shaped group of girls, with apex at RAVENAL's picture and a corresponding group of boys at MAGNOLIA's picture. They are adoring their stage idols) BOYS Her face is fair to look upon, She wins a heart with ev'ry smile - (sigh) And one could write a book upon Her talent, rare and versatile! GIRLS No wonder we are thronging at The gate for seats upon the aisle - (sigh) To sit and gaze with longing at Our fav'rite leading juvenile! BOYS We bet that she's in love with him - GIRLS We bet that he's in love with her BOYS (wisely) A stage career is seldom prim, And such romances do occur - GIRLS Oh, why should she be havin' all The kisses of this gorgeous man? The actor *** Ravenal Should lead a life Bohemian! BOYS Magnolia Hawks - enchanted name - Your charm for me will never cease! I'll put your picture in a frame And keep it on my mantelpiece! BOYS Would that I could be he Having her play opposite me! GIRLS Would that I could be she Having him play opposite me! ALL How I would like to play a lover's part With the girl/man I love with all my heart! GIRLS The kissing scene would be sublime, We'd keep rehearsing all the time! BOYS To show my ardent fire Would not require dramatic art! GIRLS Could I be his Ophelia for a day! BOYS If I could be her Hamlet - What a play! There'd be no melancholy Dane, I'd make the role a jolly Dane. BOYS If I could only play her Lover's part! GIRLS If he could only play my Lover's part! (short dance interlude, interrupted by ELLIE,  whose head appears in box office window) ELLIE Tickets on sale! Better get 'em now! Sellin' out fast! Better get 'em now! GIRLS (tugging at boys' sleeves) Tickets on sale! Better get 'em now! Sellin' out fast! Better get 'em now! (musical interlude - stage business: BOYS line up at the window - the GIRLS go back to RAVENAL's  picture and stand there adoring it) GIRLS Would that I could be she, Having him play opposite me! Having him play opposite me! (FRANK enters and sees the GIRLS. He is  sure he is going to make an impression) FRANK Misguided ladies, you will find The haughty race of leading men Are but a bane to womankind, They're fickle and unheeding men! A heavy man is what you seek, A wealthy clubman type, like me - A fellow with a wicked eye - You're glad to meet me, so am I! (He puts himself in the center, in front of RAVENAL's picture) GIRLS (apparently singing up to him) How I would like to play a lover's part With the man I love with all my heart! (FRANK smiles contentedly - he moves downstage. But they, instead of turning with him, keep singing up to RAVENAL's picture. FRANK, not realizing this, keeps his satisfied smile) His clothes all fit him to the quick, His hair is shiny, soft and slick! FRANK It's always been my hobby To look nobby, neat and smart. GIRLS (to RAVENAL's picture) You're just the very fellow who will do! FRANK May I presume that's meant for me from you? GIRLS (angrily going over to their escorts) You zany in a checkered suit, You silly oaf, you mad galoot - You'd never do to play a lover's part! (GIRLS and BOYS dance off BOYS holding up the tickets they have just bought. FRANK looks after them, humbled chagrined. He goes up to the picture. He tries to strike RAVENAL's pose and to arrange his few hairs in the same formation as RAVENAL's luxurious locks. He strikes a  pose on the final chord) 12.I Might Fall Back on You  FRANK Little girl, you are safe with me: I can protect what's mine; I am a sturdy maple tree And you're my clinging vine! ELLIE Woods are just full of maple trees, Cedar and oak and pine; Let me look them over, please, And then I'll let you know If you have a show. After I have looked around The world for a mate, Then, perhaps, I might fall back on you! When I am convinced That there is no better fate, Then I might decide that you will do. FRANK I am just an average lad, Though no gift to womanhood, Some girls say I'm not so bad! ELLIE Others say you're not so good! But if you are patient, dear, And willing to wait, There's a chance I might fall back on you! FRANK & ELLIE After I/you have looked around The world for a mate Then, perhaps, I/you might fall back on you/me! When I/you are convinced That there is no better fate, Then I/you might decide that you/I will do! FRANK I am just an average lad, Though no gift to womanhood, Some girls say I'm not so bad! ELLIE Others say you're not so good! FRANK & ELLIE But if you are/I am patient, dear, And willing to wait, There's a chance I/you might fall back on you/me! (Two groups of GIRLS dance on) GROUP 1 (to FRANK) After she has looked around The world for a mate Then, perhaps, she might fall back on you! When she is convinced That there is no better fate Then she might decide that you will do! GROUP 2 (to ELLIE) He is just an average lad, Though no gift to womanhood, Some girls say he's not so bad, Others say he's not so good! ALL GIRLS (to FRANK) But if you are patient, dear, And willing to wait There's a chance she might fall back on you! (DANCE) 13.Queenie's Ballyhoo  QUEENIE Is de theatre fillin' up, Cap'n Andy? ANDY Yes, but there's nobody in the balcony. QUEENIE Dat's where de colored people sit. ANDY Well, why don't they come? QUEENIE 'Cause you don't talk to 'em. ANDY Whaddaya mean don't talk to 'em? I ballyhooed  my lungs out this mornin'. QUEENIE People don't remember dat long. Dis is how to get 'em! (COLORED CHORUS gradually enters) Hey! Where yo' think you're goin'? Don't yo' know dis show is startin' soon? Hey! Jes' a few seats left yere! It's light inside an' outside dere's no moon. What fo' you gals dressed up dicty? Where's yo' all gwine? Tell dose stingy men o' yourn To step up here in line! C'mon, folks, we're rarin' to go, Is you or ain't you seein' dis show? Get het up, dere'll be no let up, here! CHORUS Listen to dat gal talk! QUEENIE You'll be excited all night, Grippin' yo' man an' holdin' him tight, Two seats for twenty cents ain't so dear! (drawing them to her confidentially) Story's 'bout a lady in love, Loves her man, but, Heavens above! Dere's a villain bad as you ever see. CHORUS Um-um-um! QUEENIE White outside, but black in de heart, Swears dose two young lovers to part, He's de worstest scallawag dat can be. CHORUS Um-um-um! (Her audience's eyes are beginning to pop out.  She becomes mysterious) QUEENIE He tries to get her alone, You hear dat little gal moan, Ol' villain makin' her groan Wid woe! CHORUS What does he do? What does he do? Tell us! QUEENIE He tries to choke her to death, Den when she's almost out o' her breath, Somebody comes a-rappin' at dat ol' door! GIRLS Open de door, oh, Lord! MEN How does de rest of it go? QUEENIE (chuckling) Is you' or ain't yo' dyin' to know? Step up an' buy yo' tickets For' dis yere show! (The chorus rushes to the box office window, L., buy  tickets from CAPTAIN ANDY. Presently he hangs up the  "Sold Out" sign. QUEENIE dances) (BLACKOUT) ACT ONE, SCENE SIX 14.Villain Dance  (Specialty dance by FRANK as the olio following "The Parson's Bride") ACT ONE, SCENE SEVEN 15.You Are Love  (The upper deck of the "Cotton Blossom," Later that night. It is moonlight, just after the storm clouds have broken.  RAVENAL stands near a water barrel. He looks about, anxiously awaiting MAGNOLIA. He blows on his fingers, and moves about  a little to take off the chill that is characteristic of  southern nights. He hears a noise. He peers into the darkness  and calls eagerly off L.:) RAVENAL That you, Nola? WINDY (off stage) Nope - it's me. RAVENAL (quickly filling dipper from water barrel to carry  on the illusion that he came out here to get a drink) Hello, Windy - WINDY (entering) Come over to take a look at the moorings - (He crosses RAVENAL) Kind o' cool for you to be stayin' out on deck, ain't it? RAVENAL (just finishing drink) Er - no - not at all - I'm very thirsty, that's all. (He fills the dipper again to prove it. WINDY exits, chuckling.  RAVENAL pours the balance of the dipper's contents into the fire  bucket. He hears a whistle off stage) That you, Nola? (MAGNOLIA enters. She carries a porcelain water pitcher.  He flings the dipper away and rushes to her impetuously.  He embraces her) How did you get away? MAGNOLIA I can't stay long - I told Mother I'd fill her pitcher - She's waiting - RAVENAL (speaking rapidly, excitedly, impulsive) Nola - we haven't much time - listen, I want to marry you - in Natchez tomorrow. MAGNOLIA But Mother - RAVENAL She's going to be in Fayette all morning -  she told me so herself - there's a lovely  little church in Natchez - MAGNOLIA But Father - what will he say? RAVENAL He will not oppose us - as a matter of fact,  he gave me the idea - MAGNOLIA What! RAVENAL Of getting married while your mother was away - he knows how I feel - how much I love you - oh, Nola, please - say you will - MAGNOLIA Oh, Gay - I want to - RAVENAL You can make me the happiest man in the world. I can't  stand it this way any longer - these stolen seconds,  these little snatches of you! I want you all to myself -  forever. Nola, dearest - I want you with me wherever I go.  I want to show you a world you've never dreamed of -  cities, theatres, restaurants, people - and you and I  always together, looking on - and living in our own  lovers' world. MAGNOLIA But Gay - you've seen everything in the world. RAVENAL I used to think so - until I looked into your eyes - and  then I knew that I had seen nothing - I hadn't even lived. Once a wand'ring ne'er-do-well, Just a vagrant roving fellow, I went my way. Life was just a joke to tell, Like a lonely Punchinello My role was gay. But I knew the joke was aimless, Time went on, I liked the game less, For, you see, Somewhere lurked a spark divine And I kept wond'ring whether mine Would come to me. Then my fortune turned and I found you. Here you are with my arms around you. You will never know what you've meant to me. MAGNOLIA You're the prize that Heaven has sent to me. RAVENAL Here's a bright and beautiful world, all new,  Wrapped up in you. You are love, Here in my arms Where you belong, And here you will stay, I'll not let you away; I want day after day With you. You are spring, Bud of romance unfurled; You taught me to see One truth forever true. You are love, Wonder of all the world. Where you go with me, Heaven will always be. MAGNOLIA You are love, Here in my arms Where you belong, And here you will stay, I'll not let you away; I want day after day With you. You are Spring, Bud of romance unfurled - You taught me to see One truth forever true. MAGNOLIA & RAVENAL You are love, Wonder of all the world. Where you go with me, Heaven will always be. (MAGNOLIA looks up at him for a moment, then, of her own accord, throws her arms around him. They kiss) PARTHY (off stage) Nola! (They break) MAGNOLIA & RAVENAL Good night - dream if you can - RAVENAL My wife - MAGNOLIA My man - (She exits. He's exultant. Fade out) ACT ONE, SCENE EIGHT 16.Finale Act One  (The levee at Natchez. The next morning. This is a different view of the same levee seen in Scene One. The "Cotton Blossom" runs R. to L. across the back of the stage. There is some little  impromptu decoration adorning it. The stage is well crowded with TOWNSPEOPLE who have come down to see the unusual spectacle of a leading man and his leading lady being married. CAPTAIN ANDY,  with his fine flare for publicity has seen the value of this,  interest, and has placed an announcement in the town Post Office issuing a public invitation to everyone to see the wedding - so they all are here!) GIRLS Oh tell me, did you ever! Did you ever hear of such a thing? BOYS The leading man's about to give the leading girl A wedding ring! GIRLS Her father has neglected none, He's asked us all to see the fun, And since we are invited to Attend, we are delighted to Be there when these united two Are plighted to Be one! BOYS So, you see, Romance can start Upon the stage - Romance like theirs Is not for everyone! (ANDY enters from the boat, all smiles and dressed up to kill) CHORUS Captain Andy! Captain Andy! My, but doesn't he look fine and dandy! Now Magnolia's found her mate, you Know we're happy to congratulate you! Thank you for inviting us to See the wedding - it was friendly thus to Let us share your happy day And see you give the bride away! ANDY Accordin' to the announcement you read in the post office you're all invited to the wedding of my daughter, Miss Magnolia Hawks,  to her leading man, the Honorable *** Ravenal. (cheers) Bein' as how y'all take such an interest in the doin's of show boat folks, I thought you'd like to see the happy couple playin' their own romance off the stage - (cheers) The bride and groom'll be out in a minute - then we will all march down to the church! (cheers) (As the ensemble takes up the waltz refrain here,  the various characters of the show boat troupe march out in their go-to-wedding clothes - FRANK and ELLIE are particularly elegant) ALL Happy the day, When the hand of a maid has been won By swift pursuing; Happy the way He has chosen to win her by bold And ardent wooing. Their's a lucky fate To be romantic, We can hardly wait To see the frantic Looks of the bridegroom, and quakes Of the bride whom he takes Now or never, and makes Her forever The one and the only one Who will take care That his life's not a lonely one, While she's the only one. (MAGNOLIA and RAVENAL enter) Happy the bride! May the greatest of happiness, Health and wealth attend you! WOMEN Lovely bride-to-be, There are few Wedded to anyone charming as you! MEN Lovely bride-to-be, We'd take pride to be Wedded to anyone charming as you! *** WOMEN (coming forward, enthusiastic, but a trifle diffident) Miss Magnolyer, We always tol' yer We knowed you'd find Your man who'd be lovin' yer true! MAGNOLIA Can't I share some of my happiness, Dear friends, with you?  (All do the levee shuffle) ALL Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly, I gotta love one man till I die, Can't help lovin' dat man of mine! Tell me he's lazy, Tell me he's slow, Tell me I'm crazy, Maybe I know. Can't help lovin' dat man of mine! (buck-and-wing dance) ALL He can come home as late as can be, Home without him ain't no home to me, Can't help lovin' dat man - (Just as MAGNOLIA and RAVENAL get to the carriage, a wild hysterical shriek is heard off stage:) PARTHY (off stage) Andy! (PARTHY rushes on, followed by VALLON and PETE) VALLON & PETE Stop them! Stop them! PARTHY Don't talk to him! He's a murderer! ANDY (impatiently) Who? PARTHY (pointing to RAVENAL) That Ravenal - he killed a man! ANDY (really frightened now) God-a-mighty - when? PARTHY Last year. (pointing to VALLON) Ask him! VALLON (embarrassed) He got off on self-defense... ANDY (viciously turning on PARTHY) Then he proved he had a right to kill! PARTHY Are you goin' to let your daughter stand there  and talk to a murderer? ANDY (exasperated) Standin' murderer be damned!  I killed a man when I was nineteen! PARTHY (overcome) You killed - ? ANDY Yes - me! Now - are you comin' with us - or ain't you? PARTHY Where're ye goin'? ANDY To the church - they're goin' to be married. PARTHY Married to a murderer! Oh, my God! (She faints) VALLON She's fainted. ANDY Are you sure? VALLON She's gone. ANDY Good! Now we can go on with the wedding! (All cheer) ALL Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly, I gotta love one man till I die, Can't help lovin' dat man of mine! (ANDY arranges the procession. The bridal couple are locked in each other's arms as they march off stage and the curtain falls) 17.At the Fair  (The Midway Plaisance at the Chicago World's Fair, 1893. At rise an animated scene of VISITORS walking and looking on at the wonders described by several BARKERS who stand on platforms in front of their respective buildings and booths. The famous Ferris Wheel is seen in the background behind a building labelled: "World's Congress of Beauty." Also can be seen famous features of the 1893 fair: the MacMonnies fountain, Hagenback's Arena, the Dahomey Village, the Streets of Cairo, etc.) ALL When we tell them about it all They're likely to doubt it all, But why should we care Just as long as we've been to the fair? 1st BARKER Ho, ho! Your kind attention  Bestow! BOYS Let's go near, I can't hear, Shall we go? GIRLS I don't know. 1st BARKER The strongest little lady Known to the world we'll show. CHORUS He's talking through his hat, You bet, I'm pretty sure of that. 1st BARKER Come one and all, Come up and feel the first of her! CHORUS Great Christopher! 1st BARKER So just move along And visit the queen of the strong. Sixteen years of age! CHORUS If Sandow felt her hand how He would stutter and mutter And shiver and quiver with rage! She's sixteen years of age! 2nd BARKER Hey! Hey! What have we here, what have we here? A marvelous display. CHORUS Say, they're going to tell you What they want to sell you Now. 2nd BARKER The beauties picked from all the world In superfine array. MEN That's one show we must see! GIRLS Are you taking me? 1st BARKER Get tickets this way! 2nd BARKER Just step up and pay! 1st BARKER Just step this way. Hey! Right up this way. Hey! 2nd BARKER Not much to pay For such display. Come on this way BOTH BARKERS And you will say In all Chicago this is the best show! GIRLS We're in the face a great temptation, In such a place to attempt flirtation, I don't really know! BOYS Won't you let me take you in? Do come! The show will soon begin, Do let me take you in! (3rd BARKER appears in front of  "The Streets of Cairo" building) 3rd BARKER Now for this special feature I demand your close attention. Step closer, gentlemen - You notice "Ladies" I don't mention! GIRLS Goodness gracious me, Whatever can it be? 3rd BARKER My story's quickly told - The world's sensation Now behold! (LA BELLE FATIMA appears. She was the world's first "couchie-couchie" dancer. She does her famous  "belly dance." There is a scramble among the  men to follow her into "The Streets of Cairo" building, where she will further exhibit her  charms) 3rd BARKER Gather 'round, boys. See La Belle Fatima - greatest feature of the World's Fair. The only one in her class, boys! GIRLS Hurry, hurry, let us run. BOYS What for? There's nothing wrong. She's a princess, From better folks than us, I guess. GIRLS You can stay, but I must run. BOYS All right! You always spoil my fun. ALL Belles and beaux Dressed in the very latest style, Here they come! Goodness knows, Aren't they swell? Well, I should smile! Look, dear! Look here! Ain't they gorgeous? When the sports of gay Chicago Pay a visit to the fair, You can tell  Ev'ry swell By his dashing air. They do credit to Chicago With their clothes all tailor-made. All their country cousins gape and stare When they see the dandies on parade. (Now follows the parade of the Congress of Beauty. Tableau) 18.Why Do I Love You?  MAGNOLIA I'm walking on the air, dear, For life is fair, dear, To lovers; I'm in the seventh heaven (There's more than seven, My heart discovers). RAVENAL In this sweet, improbable and unreal world, Finding you has given me my ideal world. MAGNOLIA Why do I love you? Why do you love me? MAGNOLIA & RAVENAL Why should there be two Happy as we? RAVENAL Can you see The why or wherefore I should be The one you care for? MAGNOLIA You're a lucky boy, I am lucky too. MAGNOLIA & RAVENAL All our dreams of joy Seem to come true. Maybe that's because you love me, Maybe that's why I love you. CHORUS Why do I love you? Why do you love me? Why should there be two Happy as we? Can you see The why or wherefore I should be The one you care for? You're a lucky boy, I am lucky, too. All our dreams of joy Seem to come true. Maybe that's because you love me, Maybe that's why I love you. RAVENAL Darling, I have only Just an hour to play. MAGNOLIA I am always lonely When you go away. CHORUS Hours are not like years, So dry your tears! What a pair of lovebirds! RAVENAL My darling, I'll come home as early as I can, Meanwhile be good and patient with your man. Why do I love you? MAGNOLIA Why do you love me? (RAVENAL exits) CHORUS Why should there be two Happy as we? Can you see The why or wherefore I should be The one you care for? You're a lucky boy, I am lucky, too. All our dreams of joy, Seem to come true. Maybe that's because you love me, Maybe that's why I love you! (MAGNOLIA waltzes, then exits) CHORUS You're a lucky boy! I am lucky, too, All our dreams of joy Seem to come true. Maybe that's because you love me, Maybe that's why I love you! (CAPTAIN ANDY and PARTHY enter) ANDY (to PARTHY) Why do I love you? Why do you love me? Why should there be two Happy as we? Can you see The why or wherefore I should be The one you care for? I'm a lucky boy, You are lucky, too. All our dreams of joy Seem to come true! Maybe that's because you love me, Maybe that's why I love you! (ANDY dances, attempting to make PARTHY dance with him. She sternly refuses. ANDY persists. Finally, a faint smile flickering across her lips, she deigns to do a few little steps) CHORUS You're a lucky boy! I am lucky too! All our dreams of joy Seem to come true! Maybe that's because you love me, Maybe that's why I love you! 19.In Dahomey  (DAHOMEY VILLAGERS come out of the Village and come down stage.  The crowd moves upstage and onto the steps of the buildings) MEN Dyunga doe! Dyunga doe! Dyunga hungy ung gunga, hungy ung gunga go! Kyooga chek, Kyooga chek, Kyooga chek a chek uncha, chek a chek uncha chek! WOMEN Daringa doo! Daringa dey da! MEN Daringa doo! Daringa dey da! WOMEN Dyunga hungy ung gunga, hungy ung gunga go! Dyunga hungy ung gunga, hungy ung gunga go! ALL DAHOMEYS Hoo go ga doo! Hoo go ga doo! Hoha hoga toga toga Yogo togo doo! WHITE CHORUS Don't let us stay here, For though they may play here, They are acting vicious, They might get malicious And though I'm not fearful I'll not be a spearful, So you better show me The way from Dahomey! DAHOMEYS (chanting) Ah ah! Ah ah! Ah ah ah ah ah ah! Ah ah! Ah ah! Ah ah ah ah ah ah! (The CROWD exits in fear) DAHOMEYS We're glad to see them go! We're glad to see those white folks go! We've had enough Of all this stuff - We wish we'd never come here To join a Dahomey show! In Dahomey - Let the Africans stay In Dahomey - Gimme Avenue A Back in old New York Where yo' knife and fork Gently sink into juicy little chops  what's made of pork! We are wild folks When de ballyhoos bawl, But we're mild folks When we're back in de Kraal, 'Cause our home(our little home), Our home ain't in Dahomey at all! Oh, take me back today to Avenue A! (ZULU DANCE) In Dahomey - Let the Africans stay In Dahomey - Gimme Avenue A Back in old New York Where yo' knife and fork Gently sink into juicy little chops  what's made of pork! We are wild folks When de ballyhoos bawl, But we're mild folks When we're back in de Kraal, 'Cause our home (our little home), Our home ain't in Dahomey at all! Oh, take me back today to Avenue A! ACT TWO, SCENE THREE 20.Convent Scene  (St. Agatha's Convent. Chicago, 1904) NUNS (off stage) Alma Redemptoris Mater, Alma Redemptoris Mater, etc. Te Deum laudamus Te Dominum confitemur. (Convent girls cross the stage) Te Deum laudamus Te Dominum confitemur. (RAVENAL enters slowly. He looks around and then goes to a table, where the MOTHER SUPERIOR motions him to sit) MOTHER SUPERIOR Your daughter's class will be coming through next. (MOTHER SUPERIOR exits. RAVENAL quite cheerfully listens to the choir) NUNS (off stage) Te Deum laudamus Te Dominum confitemur. Venerandum Tuum verum Et Unicum Filium. (MOTHER SUPERIOR re-enters) Venerandum Tuum verum Et Unicum Filium. MOTHER SUPERIOR Here they come. (RAVENAL waits for KIM's appearance with suppressed eagerness. A procession of girls files in slowly from R. to L. KIM is on the end of the line with a class of smaller children. RAVENAL gives an involuntary start when he sees her) RAVENAL Kim! KIM Daddy! (KIM hears hi, sees him, and rushes out of line. Suddenly  she realizes she has broken a rule, darts a quick look at  MOTHER SUPERIOR, who consent, and then continues her swift course to RAVENAL's waiting arms. He kneels to meet her, hugs her tight and kisses her. Then he holds her from him at arms' length to get a good look at her) KIM Where's Mummy? RAVENAL Mummy couldn't come today. Now listen, Kim, dear. Daddy's in a great hurry. He must catch a train. KIM (disappointed) Where are you going? RAVENAL Away - for a little while - on business. I just had a few minutes to rush in and - see you. KIM Can't I go with you? RAVENAL No, dear - not on this trip - but while I'm gone  I want you to think of me once in a while - will you? KIM Yes, I think of you all the time - and when I miss  you, I always do what you told me. RAVENAL What was that? KIM Don't you remember? Make believe. RAVENAL (laughing) Oh yes, that's right. I gave you a  system for having anything you want. 21.Make Believe (Reprise)  (sings:) Only make believe I'm near you, Only make believe that you're with me. Girls and boys find it fun just pretending - Couldn't you? Couldn't I? Couldn't we? And if I'm a little late coming back - you just remember - and pretend I've never gone away - Will you, sweetheart? Best of all, make believe I love you - For to tell the truth, I - (He breaks down. He grabs her in his arms and kisses her. MOTHER SUPERIOR coughs gently) MOTHER SUPERIOR Her class has gone in. RAVENAL (rising) Goodbye, darling. KIM (lightly) G'bye. (She runs to join the other girls in line until he stops her) RAVENAL Kim, dear - tell mother I came in to see you, will you? KIM I will. Goodbye, Daddy! (She starts to march off and throws him a kiss. He  returns it. He stands there looking longingly at her.  MOTHER SUPERIOR and KIM exit. RAVENAL takes his hat  and cane from the table and exits through door, R.) [THE SCENE CHANGES] ACT TWO, SCENE FOUR (The rehearsal room of the Trocadero Night Club. About five o'clock in the afternoon. At rise JIM in his shirt sleeves is  standing R. of piano, watching six GIRLS dancing C. His coat is over the back of the chair at R. of piano. JAKE, a pale boy  with a cigarette in his mouth, bangs on a piano downstage L.  He is playing Sousa's "Washington Post March" for the chorus  girls' dance. They dance a laborious, effective and well-executed  dance designed for legitimate applause. A woman sits dejectedly in a chair, R. This is JULIE, a hollow-cheeked woman -looking older than she really is - with all the earmarks of one who is down-and-out - marks which she has desperately and pathetically tried to hide by overdressing, by making use of too many odds and ends of finery, by a too-anxious application of rouge and lipstick and by dyeing her hair a wretched red. She sits there, oblivious to all that is going on around her. From time to time she opens her handbag and takes out a pint flask - typical of  the bottled goods of the time - and furtively takes a drink.  The chorus girls finish their routine) JIM All right, Jake - call 'em at twelve - JAKE O.K., girls! Twelve o'clock tomorrer! (The girls exit) JIM Ready, Julie? You're next. I wanna hear that new song.  Got it all set? JULIE Leave me alone, Jim - I ain't feelin' so very good. Before  you know it I'll be off on a tear an' to hell with your show. JIM Oh, you ain't feelin' so good! Just you go off on a tear and you'll never get back in this place again. When I told you  that the last time, I meant it. You go out that door and  you don't come back. Get me? JULIE All right, all right! I ain't in no mood to listen to long speeches. I'll put your damn song over. JIM You better. I'm sick an' tired o' arguin' with yuh! You get that number over or you're through. Come on now and see what you can do - I gotta set this show! JULIE (rising from her chair) All right, all right! (She takes her position, ready to sing) I'm ready Jake, whenever you are. 22.Bill  (JAKE pounds out the introduction on the piano) JULIE I used to dream that I would discover The perfect lover someday. I knew I'd recognize him if ever He came 'round my way. I always used to fancy then He'd be one of the God-like kind of men With a giant brain and a noble head Like the heroes bold In the books I've read. But along came Bill Who's not the type at all, You'd meet him on the street And never notice him. His form and face, His manly grace Are not the kind that you Would find in a statue, And I can't explain, It's surely not his brain That makes me thrill - I love him because he's wonderful, Because he's just my Bill. He can't play golf or tennis or polo, Or sing a solo, or row. He isn't half as handsome As dozens of men that I know. He isn't tall or straight or slim And he dresses far worse than Ted or Jim. And I can't explain why he should be Just the one, one man in the world for me. He's just my Bill an ordinary man, He hasn't got a thing that I can brag about. And yet to be Upon his knee So comfy and roomy Seems natural to me. Oh, I can't explain, It's surely not his brain That makes me thrill - I love him because he's - I don't know... Because he's just my Bill. 23.Magnolia's Audition: Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man (Reprise)  (MAGNOLIA sits with her guitar across her knees, throws her head back, closes her eyes and starts to sing "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man." At first her voice falters, then she gets into it and sings it with fine feeling and sincerity. JIM, JAKE and FRANK listen, spellbound. No-one moves an  inch. As MAGNOLIA sings, JULIE enters quietly up stage, passes behind the piano, and recognizes MAGNOLIA. She takes a couple of steps up to her,  but directly behind her. She stands there during the song until the next to last line, when she seems to arrive at a decision. She makes a shy, hesitant little gesture, which is half throwing a kiss. She disappears quickly and  softly up stage. Nobody on stage has seen her. MAGNOLIA finishes the song) MAGNOLIA Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, I gotta love one man till I die, Can't help lovin' dat man of mine. Tell me he's lazy, tell me he's slow, Tell me I'm crazy, maybe I know. Can't help lovin' dat man of mine. When he goes away, dat's a rainy day, And when he comes back dat day is fine, De sun will shine! He kin come home as late as kin be, Home widout him ain't no home to me, Can't help lovin' dat man of mine! (There is a pause) FRANK Whaddaya say, boss? JIM Lousy! What kind of a *** song do you call that? (to MAGNOLIA) You don't sing bad - but that song - MAGNOLIA (her temper aroused) That song is the most beautiful song I know. And if you don't like it, I'm sorry for you. JIM You're sorry for me? Say! FRANK Say, Mr. Greene, this little girl ain't so bad.  Can't you use her? JIM I can't afford to take chances on amachoors with a two thousand dollar production. Now wait a minute, will ya, lemme think! (He stands pondering the problem and running his fingers through his hair. He looks MAGNOLIA over appraisingly) Her poisenality is all right - if we could only teach  her some up-to date numbers. JAKE Well, that song she sang ain't so bad, boss. Ya know, we could trick that - like this - (He plays and sings in ragtime tempo) Da da da de dum dum dum Dum dum dum de dum dum dum! FRANK (eagerly) Oh, you mean rag it! JAKE Yeah! 'Course, we gotta change the words too, see, and then,  near the finish, put in a couple o' gags, like this... Dum dum dum de dum dum dum - catch line!  Dum dum dum de dum dum dum - 'nother catch line! See what I mean? JIM Say, that's all right! FRANK Come on, Nolie, try it this way. MAGNOLIA (bewildered) How do you mean? FRANK Follow Jake. (JAKE and MAGNOLIA start the song together -  but he soon leaves her far behind) JIM (interrupting) No - no!!! Rag it, he means. FRANK Rag it, honey, look... (He sings to show her) Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly! MAGNOLIA (willing to try) Oh, I know! Alright, go ahead.  (JAKE plays. As MAGNOLIA sings in ragtime, FRANK  starts to dance like mad) FRANK (dancing frantically) What do you say, Boss, what do you say? JIM All right! FRANK Does she get the job? JIM Sure! FRANK Great! (FRANK falls to the stage dancing so fast and continues twitching his head, body and legs with the music until  the curtain falls) ACT TWO, SCENE SIX 24.Trocadero Opening Chorus  CHORUS Let's make the new year Far from a blue year, No need to think, Just sing and drink good cheer! Drown all your sorrow, Live for tomorrow, Just drift along With wine and song, Tonight no folly could be wrong, So drink and be merry, Here's where we bury All thought of gloom, We have no room for killjoys! New Year, we greet you, Let us entreat you To bring good luck, good cheer, Good fortune to those Who welcome you as we all do. We have no room for thoughts of gloom, Send them to an eternal doom! For life keeps compelling us And temptingly telling us That youth can never last As long as we'd like it to. So we're persuading you To stop its evading you And let it not slip past, Try to hold to it fast. Why should we remember December? The old year's done, The happy new year has begun! Just keep on dreaming and scheming To make your life A perfect round of wonderful fun! Why should anyone be blue? Life is full of things to do! Let's just be jolly in folly, Supremely gay To speed the old year away! BASSES New Year's resolutions, Dear old institutions, E'er the dawn we make them, In the morning break them. Promises of virtue Surely will not hurt you. Whisper them discretely, Earnestly and sweetly. SOPRANOS, ALTOS & TENORS Just tonight the whole world's bright With sheer delight. ALL Bright with sheer delight! Let's make the new year Far from a blue year, Just drift along with wine and song And laughter! Shout Happy New Year! Happy day! 25.Appache Dance  (Danced by a specialty act, The Sidell Sisters) 26.Goodbye, My Lady Love  (Words & Music by Joseph E. Howard) FRANK So you're going away Because your heart has gone astray. And you promised me That you would always faithful be. But if you must go, Remember, dear, I love you so. Sure as stars do shine, You'll think of when I called you mine. FRANK & ELLIE Goodbye, my lady love, Farewell, my turtle dove, You are the idol and darling of my heart, But someday you will come back to me, And love me tenderly, So goodbye my lady love, goodbye! (FRANK and ELLIE dance to the music of "At a Georgia Camp Meeting") (Music by Kerry Mills) FRANK & ELLIE Goodbye, my lady love, Farewell, my turtle dove, You are the idol and darling of my heart, But someday you will come back to me, And love me tenderly, So goodbye my lady love, goodbye! Goodbye, my lady love, Farewell, my turtle dove, You are the idol and darling of my heart, But someday you will come back to me, And love me tenderly, So goodbye my lady love, goodbye! 27.After the Ball  (Words & Music by Charles K. Harris) JIM (taking the floor) Ladies and gentlemen - I regret to announce that Miss Julie Wandell is indisposed and cannot appear tonight. (The crowd groans its disappointment) Now wait, wait please. We are fortunate, however in obtaining the  services of Miss Magnolia Ravenal, who will sing for you an old  favorite. (more groans) DRUNK (at nearby table) Magnolia Ravenal - who the hell is she? ANDY (getting up and starting to take his coat off) I'll show you who the hell she is! (MAGNOLIA enters and comes down stage. She starts to  sing rather timidly and is ill at ease) MAGNOLIA A little maiden Climbed an old man's knee, Begged for a story, "Do, Uncle, please." (CROWD murmurs) ANDY Quiet! MAGNOLIA Why are you single? Why live alone? ANDY Quiet! A MAN Get the hook! MAGNOLIA Have you no babies? Have you no home? ANDY Nola! (She turns in the opposite direction to where he is  sitting, but is evidently trying to see who called her. The CROWD grows noisier) MAGNOLIA I had a sweetheart, Years, years ago, ANDY Nolie! (She sees ANDY, and gains confidence) MAGNOLIA Where she is now, pet, You will soon know. (She has begun to sing quite well and the CROWD grows quiet) List to the story, I'll tell it all, ANDY Smile, Nola! MAGNOLIA I believed her faithless After the ball. After the ball is over, After the break of morn, After the dancers leaving, After the stars are gone; Many a heart is aching, If you could read them all; Many the hopes that have vanished After the ball! ANDY Everybody! ALL After the ball is over, After the break of morn, After the dancers leaving, After the stars are gone; Many a heart is aching, If you could read them all; Many the hopes that have vanished After the ball. (Chimes ring midnight) ANDY Happy New Year! (ANDY takes MAGNOLIA in his arms. General merriment. Blackout) ACT TWO, SCENE SEVEN 28.Ol' Man River (Reprise)  (Street corner outside the office of the Natchez Democrat, showing a bulletin: LINDBERGH ARRIVES IN MEXICO CITY- this  to denote the passage of time to 1927. JOE, now grey-haired and old, is sitting on a box before the window and whittling) JOE Ol' Man River, Dat Ol' Man River, He mus' know sumthin' But don't say nuthin', He jes' keeps rollin', He keeps on rollin' along. He don't plant taters, He don't plant cotton, And dem dat plants 'em Is soon forgotten, But Ol' Man River, He jes' keeps rollin' along. New things come, 'N ol' things go, But all things look de same to Joe - Wars go on, And some folks die, The rest forget De reason why. Ah keeps laughin' Instead of cryin', Ah mus' keep livin' Until I'm dyin', But Ol' Man River, He jes' keeps rollin' along! 29.Hey, Feller!  QUEENIE When you yen For a gent, Give him en- Couragement, Only den Will he come to stay. You must declare yourself, Or you'll be On the shelf; If you wait too long He'll get away. Once you have picked your boy, Waste no time in actin' coy; Leave no room for doubt, Step up and speak right out: "Hey, feller, I think you're swell! I took a look and den I fell! Hey, feller! I've got to tell, I can't deny what you know well: I'm longin' to be baskin' In your carressin' Right now; An if you'll do the askin', I'll do the yessin' An' how! Say, feller! I must admit That I suspect that you've got it. Hey, feller! I'm yours to take, So give a girl an even break! An' if you love her, tell her, tell her! Hey, feller! Hey! Hey! (QUEENIE and the CHORUS sing and dance two more refrains) "Hey, feller, I think you're swell! I took a look and den I fell! Hey, feller! I've got to tell, I can't deny what you know well: I'm longin' to be baskin' In your carressin' Right now; An if you'll do the askin', I'll do the yessin' An' how! Say, feller! I must admit That I suspect that you've got it. Hey, feller! I'm yours to take, So give a girl an even break! An' if you love her, tell her, tell her! Hey, feller! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! I'm longin' to be baskin' In your carressin' Right now; An if you'll do the askin', I'll do the yessin' An' how! Say, feller! I must admit That I suspect that you've got it. Hey, feller! I'm yours to take, So give a girl an even break! An' if you love her, tell her, tell her! Hey, feller! Hey! Hey! ACT TWO, SCENE EIGHT 30.You Are Love (Reprise)  (The top deck of the "Cotton Blossom." ANDY has left RAVENAL alone on the top deck. RAVENAL, dreaming of the past, picks up the dipper from the water barrel and speaks, as though to a vision) RAVENAL Is that you, Nola? (sings:) You taught me to see One truth forever true - You are Love, Wonder of all the world, Where you go with me Heaven will always be. (BLACKOUT) ACT TWO, SCENE NINE (The levee at Natchez in 1927, showing the modernized show boat with electric lights, etc. There is a radio tower and a hydroplane in the background. BOYS and GIRLS in evening dress are on stage  at rise) 31.Cotton Blossom (Reprise)  CHORUS Cotton Blossom, Cotton Blossom, Captain Andy's floating show! Thrills and laughter, Concert after, Get your girl and go! 32.It's Getting Hotter in the North  KIM Now Up in the northern land Wow! They've started struttin' and How! Soon as they hear a band Ev'ry man's daughter steps To muddy water steps! It's gettin' hotter in the north every day, It's not the temp'rature that's makin' it that way, It's 'cause they're dancin' all the time The dances of a warmer clime. If you want lovin', gals, you must learn to shut; They leave you cold unless you do nothin' else but! Up on the levees of Broadway It's getting hotter ev'ry day! The levee shuffle of the south Has traveled north by hoof and mouth, Makin' our feet slow down, Doin' those neat, low-down Twistin' and turnin' steps, Blazin' and burnin' steps! If you want lovin', gals, you must learn to strut; They leave you cold unless you do nothin' else but! Up on the levees of Broadway, It's gettin' hotter every day! KIM & CHORUS If you want lovin', gals, you must learn to strut; They leave you cold unless you do nothin' else but!  Up on the levees of Broadway It's gettin' hotter every day! (KIM exits) CHORUS It's gettin' hotter in the north every day, It's not the temp'rature that's makin' it that way, It's 'cause they're dancin' all the time The dances of a warmer clime. If you want lovin', gals, you must learn to shut; They leave you cold unless you do nothin' else but! Up on the levees of Broadway It's getting hotter ev'ry day! The levee shuffle of the south Has traveled north by hoof and mouth, Makin' our feet slow down, Doin' those neat, low-down Twistin' and turnin' steps, Blazin' and burnin' steps! If you want lovin', gals, you must learn to strut; They leave you cold unless you do nothin' else but! Up on the levees of Broadway, It's gettin' hotter every day! (Now follows an extended set of specialty dances:)  ECCENTRIC DANCE BUCK DANCE FRANK & ELLIE'S DANCE CAP'N ANDY'S DANCE ENSEMBLE DANCE (After the number the ensemble exits. FRANK and ELLIE enter from the boat with ANDY) FRANK Say, Cap'n Andy, sorry we couldn't stay for the end of the  concert; we have to make that eleven o'clock boat. ELLIE (very Ritz) We hated to leave your little entertainment - it was very amusing. ANDY I'm glad you liked it. ELLIE It's so quaint. FRANK You see - things are so different in Hollywood. ELLIE (with boastful hauteur) Yes, being the parents of little Frankie Schultz... the boy wonder of the screen - we have our social  position to maintain. ANDY And to think o' you two havin' the luck to adopt a kid  an' him turnin' out to be a screen knock-out... earnin'  a million dollars a year! ELLIE Well, Cap'n Andy, if you ever come out to beautiful  California, do look us up at our palatian villa. ANDY I sure will. I'm glad you two are doin' so well in pitchers. FRANK Yes of course, it's an exacting art and between you and I the social life in Hollywood is pretty swift.  ELLIE (coyly) Oh, Frank, don't be so mid-Victrola! (FRANK and ELLIE exit) ANDY Those movin' pitcher people are wonderful! (The concert on the boat is over. The crowd starts  to come out. It is a corresponding crowd to the 1890 audience we saw in Act One - in modern guise. They  gather about in groups up stage discussing the show. RAVENAL comes down stage R. JOE stands outside the  pilot house of the tug; other Negroes gather about the deck of the tug and look on) ANDY Hello, Gay. She'll probably come out on the top deck. (to GIRL) Hello, Hope. HOPE 'Lo, Cap'n Andy. ANDY (to RAVENAL) Shall I call Nola? RAVENAL I don't know. GIRL (passing with her escort) 'Lo, Capt. Andy! ANDY Is your ma well? GIRL Fine, thanks. ANDY Thank her for the chocolate cake.  GIRL I will. MAN Great show, Capt. Andy! ANDY Glad you like it. How're the kids? MAN All right. Little one's got a cold. ANDY Too bad. Change o' weather, I expect...  oh, I didn't see you, Nola. (MAGNOLIA has entered quietly from the boat to speak to her father and has seen RAVENAL before he  could turn. ANDY follows her gaze over his shoulder) ANDY Er... Nola... here... here's Gay... (turning to RAVENAL) Here's Nola, Gay. MAGNOLIA Gay... (Neither knows what to say - the silence is embarrassing,  painful to all three. As JOE and CHORUS start to hum  "Ol' Man River" an old lady comes up to ANDY) OLD LADY Isn't that your daughter, Cap'n Hawks? ANDY Er - yes - that's Nola. OLD LADY (going over to MAGNOLIA) How-do? I remember you when you were leading lady on this  boat - and - that's your husband, isn't it? How-do, Sir? RAVENAL How do you do? OLD LADY I thought I recognized you both - guess I ought to -  was here on this levee the day you were married.  My, my, how excited we all were! That was a real love match! Well, glad to see it turned out well and you're still happy together... Good-night. MAGNOLIA Good night, dear. (The OLD LADY exits ) Father - this is a - a nice surprise - (She goes over and takes RAVENAL's hand) Gay - come - come up on the top deck -  we can talk there... will you? RAVENAL Nola... (He slowly takes her in his arms - he hasn't quite the courage to kiss her. She kisses him. GIRLS and BOYS enter) ANDY (chuckling) If you go up front, you'll find a water barrel -  ain't much different from the old one. (MAGNOLIA and RAVENAL start to walk towards the boat) MAGNOLIA Look, Gay - there's Kim. CHORUS But Ol' Man River, He jes' keeps rollin' along!  (SLOW CURTAIN)