Grwm - Why i hate myself, social media, born this way concealer, etc.

That was a good *** joke you guys you guys need me credit for that like That was a good f*cking joke. Oh my god. I just did that What's up guys Cherliz here and welcome back to my channel, so today I'm going to be doing another get ready with me So you guys seem to really like the last one so I decided to just go ahead and do a second one Except this one there won't be much tea. I'm just going to be talking about self-love self confidence what I've been up to what to expect for me and Stuff like that and basically just explain to y'all why I'm so sad. haha Also if you guys see me laughing throughout this video, thats just how I cope with *** So like if *** gets really serious. I'm just gonna laugh because that's something I do But yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this video and make sure to subscribe if you haven't. Also for this video, I got a few new products. So I'm gonna be trying out the new Born This Way Concealer in two different shades. I'm gonna use one for contour So if it looks really bad, it's not my fault because my first impression so like hopefully it works out good But yeah, alright So if you guys follow me on Instagram you guys definitely know how insecure I've been and I've been like deleting a lot of pictures and a lot of videos and just posting really like depressing Instagram stories and snapchat stories about how disgusting looking I am and I've been getting like like good like people I told no one to swipe up like obviously thats going to get people to swipe up. But a lot of you guys have said some sweet stuff So thank you for that for the but then theres a lot of people giving me hate for that; saying you can't be sad or you can't show you're being sad because you're an influencer and people look up to you but like I never understood that like Everyone says oh you can't do this in social media or this because you're an influencer and people look up to you. But if I faked my whole *** life, what are you guys looking up to? You guys are looking up to a phony like I have emotions. I have feelings. I'm allowed to be sad with myself. I'm allowed to Overthink, I'm allowed to rant and you guys are really nice about me ranting You guys always kind of give me advice and stuff some people don't but I don't know I just hate the fact that people think that way like I'm allowed to be sad because I'm human and just because I have a following does not mean I can't be sad like That's probably one of the most annoying things that I've ever had to like Deal with because I before I start social media, I've always been kind of sad like, I don't know I just I'm not not sad for like a certain reason. I've just been like I'm I Made no sense. I'm so sorry. I'm just like a very like sad person. I get insecure really quickly Like I could be confident one day be like wow I'm so pretty like I could defend myself towards some people, but then the next day I'm just Very upset with myself and think the worst of myself. I don't blame social media for me being like insecure Don't get me wrong. Like I love social media But like I've always been kind of insecure but the reason I'm insecure now is because I I put myself Out there like it's this is 100% my fault. No one else's fault of mine, but My Instagram videos like it a lot of hate Which I kind of like expect that obviously like there's no way I'm not gonna get hate because I'm putting myself out there I'm signing myself up for hate. Like I'm not surprised. I'm just upset about it Like I've blocked a lot of words for my comment section because I'm I'm allowed to do that Like I don't know if like certain people could do it. However It works but like I've blocked a lot of words for my comment section and like every time I block words people find other words to comment that I just never even thought anyone could call me like I don't know like ***, like that makes me really upset. I think like the bigger part of me being so insecure is is my makeup videos and Makeup does make me feel a little more confident than I am. Don't get me wrong Like makeup makes me feel really good about myself, but then there's some days where makeup just makes me feel gross I'm just like well, like I can be pretty without makeup Like I don't think I thought is a possibility for me like I get like really upset and lots of hate because of that and like I need to deal with it because obviously because that's like what I do like I set myself Up for it There are some comments that I kind of like laugh about where I'm like wow Like why are they calling me this like they can't do makeup themselves and they're telling me is this like I can't get upset or whatever, but then there's some comments or I'm like wow this just hit home This is making me sad I am sad like this is the reason why I'm sad I like cry about it because I'm a very like insecure person I really don't like this foundation It's like exactly my color but like I don't like it. Maybe I put something over it I'm just I kind of grew up getting a lot of hate which like sucks I dont like how the base is looking so hopefully this concealer could fix it. I made myself it oxidized little bits a little so I look Tanner than my necks. I'm sorry for that. But alright, let's try out these concealers but as I was saying, yeah, like I just don't think it's fair that people say like I don't have the right to be sad just because I have followers because I get some people are just all positivity on their social media and like I'm not saying it's fake like there's people out there that could be just happy like And very confident and stuff. Like there's like a lot of people that look a lot better than me and stuff like that don't get me wrong, but I think it's kind of like impossible to be happy all the time because especially doing social media like there's so many stuff you need to do and there's so much stress and So many people's opinions need to matter to you and people are like Oh don't want to get to you like It's just people on the internet like it still gets me because even though it's one person That's what they think of me. And I don't know why they think that or me when? I'm trying my best to not be thought of that way, I guess Like there are some people that just kinda say wow Cherliz is so mean blah blah I still kinda do I'm not gonna lie; but I used to dm People and have full on conversations and even give them my number just to kind of convince them But that *** isn't true because they just kinda make stuff up to satisfy their thoughts. I guess. I don't know if that makes sense but I'm actually a really nice person unless you do me wrong Like I could be mean, you know I mean like theres this girl that tried making up with me after she like leaked my number and like Tried doing so many horrible things to me I just want her listen, like I forgive you you don't need to be upset about it but I just don't want to be friends if she wanted to be friends, but I was like There's no way I could do that like this. Yeah, there's really there's no chance I could do that and she got like really mad and started talking ***. you see? stuff like that just kind of pisses me off because like Also once again look because I'm social media. I don't need to forgive people I don't need to be the nicest person ever like obviously I'm nice, but some people expect me to be super nice to the point where it's fake. I dont know, I just like it just upsets me because people are expecting me to be one thing and get upset when I'm not that and I dont know All right, so while this bakes I'm gonna go to eyeshadow and just kind of continue my rant sorry about that I'm going to be using the 35o palette by the way. incase anyone was wondering I doubt it, but Like I used to what social media gets me so much which it still does but just recently like I started realizing so many things just kind of upsets me because I've been doing social media from not that big of a time and like recently I've been doing really good which I'm really proud of myself for and It just sucks because like I shouldn't be letting like these random *** people Get to me, but they do. they shouldn't, but they do. and they know they do. and thats what satisfies them And I know I shouldn't let them get to me But I do and I'm an insecure person. I let anything and everything get to me I've kind of always been I feel like I always care about what people think of me like The most horrible person in the world to hate me. I'd be like why I like what I do Like what can I do to fix this? Can I do anything? like I Probably make no sense. I'm so sorry, but I just like. it hit me because I was so upset the other day and instead of Like I didn't expect to get a any love but like instead of getting that I just got a ton of hate and what makes it more screwed up It's like from people that I don't know and they're telling me I'm not allowed to be sad and I want to be sad like I can't just be happy forever and I need to cry out my problems and if that means me ranting on social media then so be it because I will write on social media because I have no one else to talk to Because my friends are fake as hell Well, not all of them some of them and the ones that are real as *** are always too busy Because you know if they're thriving out here on social media, and I'm sitting at home making make up videos. it's so fun like so great. wow But yeah, I don't know like what I'm sad. I message a lot of supporters You guys probably know that because I dm people all the time. I dm them on Instagram and have full on full on conversations. It's like I dm people mostly at night like if you've ever gotten a DM at night it was probably because I waseither I was bored or just really Sad but messaging people kind of distracts me I guess like I dm people after I post an Instagram picture obviously like I always do but at night is when I answer the most people! also I know I don't have a backdrop right now mine collapsed and broke so I'm waiting for a new one to come in because I dont have one right now. I'm sorry, that its unprofessional or whatever. I just don't have one also, another thing is I get all these dms of people telling me like wow like you didn't dm me. I did Everything you told me to do which is is like, oh like and comment on my recent I'll follow you I do that every time I post and I do that everytime I post It's all my story every time I do do it but like it's I can't dm like 3,000 or whatever amount of people all at once like it takes a while and I Some people are just like wow like you don't do anything. You just sit down on our phone and dm people but It's much more than that. Like I had full on conversations with people. I You know, I go through my comments. I have to delete the hate, I need to- There's so much more to it. And that's what people don't seem to understand which is Understandable, I guess but like I don't know. this palette was so over hyped and now I try it and it's not blending Cute I'm gonna cut the crease and just call it a day because this is not looking cute All right, I think it's getting better this look is just going down hill anyways I just feel like social media is turning into such a bad place No one is doing anything about it. And I've tried I've tried but all people care about is random *** boys grinding on lively. I know it doesn't make sense. I know you don't need to tell me twice. I just thought It makes some sense and just thinking about this video. It does not make any sense it's also another thing I wanted to talk about is the video James Charles just put up about him going and beautycon and like meeting smaller influencers who were so rude. the thing with the beauty community; this is why I'm not friends with a lot of people in the beauty community and this will answer a lot of peoples question about a certain someone. a lot of people in the beauty community are just very rude and very full themselves like a lot of them just think they're all that and just talk a lot of *** And I think it's *** insane because they all grew the same way They do the same thing as you but then when you're doing a little bit better than them that scares them Like I- it never made sense to me but after Jame's video went up; I was like *** I didn't know the acted like that in public - like I just thought these People were just rude on social media to - people smaller than them or like even bigger than them but it's people at social media events too and I think that's *** insane because like you're not gonna get anywhere from being mean like I've lost so many Beauty influencer friends just from how rude they were and how much *** they talked about my friends like It's actually insane I could sit here and name 100 different people and you guys would not have expected it Like when I saw James's video like a bunch of people came to mind and it's probably half the people that I was thinking about But y'all think they're angels because they do. Halo eyes every other day like that was a good *** joke you guys.. you guys need me credit for that like That was a good *** joke. Oh my god. I just did that Yeah just because any *** halo eye looks does not mean they're *** angels and most of them are just d*cks It's sad because that's what the beauty community is turning into and it's being harder to get recognized Stuff because some brands are being f*cking c*nts too like. Oh now we have James Charles we don't need anyone and there taking advantage of everyone Just upsets me, I'm gonna go ahead and put some eyelashes on and I'll be right back because that process is the longest thing ever. so give me just a minute. Yeah, I dont know. I'm sorry if this makes no sense. I just hate the fact that people don't think Influencers could have feelings Who am I to call myself what the influencer just like people in general? Like I'm sorry But just because I'm because always does not mean they couldn't have feelings But I am extra as *** for making a whole video about this it just look upset me like a lot like when I read the dms I was just like this is *** up if people actually think this like that people think that we can't have feelings But there's so many influences that I know if I follow the private instagrams or whatever, but they don't share, you know whatever it is on their main because they don't want you guys to worry or like they don't want you to think theyre asking for attention, but they're There I don't think it's them asking for attention like I think there's some people that do do it to ask for attention, but there's definitely a lot more that don't do it like I know people are scared to be sad they're like, I don't wanna say this because the people are gonna think I'm lying or like - for example like when people come out about stories that effected their life - people are always like Oh You're lying that can't happen to you Just because someone has a following does not mean they can't get r*ped or harassed or whatever it is Like I know so many people that in the industry like I think especially in the industry that it happens a lot more like like I don't know like You know, what? Do you know? I mean just this one has a following or the kind of party or even if they're drunk like it's not okay for them to Be harassed *** wherever it isn't it does not mean they that can't happen to them because I know a lot of people I think that just that just Can't happen to anyone which it can but yeah, I don't think people understand that *** happens influencers, too, and they have feelings and Yeah, I don't know It just pisses me off that there are people that think like that because that should not be a Thing like you before I know a lot of my friends before they started social media they went through a lot of things like anorexia or depression or theres some people still going through that and anxiety and stuff like that and thats not even being talked about anymore because all people care about is what Jake Paul is doing or what he's eating for breakfast or Whose nudes are gonna leak next? I know I probably sound so extra - and I'm so sorry about that But it just pisses me off like a lot but I dont know I have nothing else to say. I hope you guys enjoyed this video. Before I end this video I just want to show you guys how the too faced new concealer looks on my face But as you can see like the concealer is like breaking down over here and kind of over here. Um same with over here and my forehead looks very chalky I don't know if it's like the powder that I use but like the concealers coverage is very good I liked how the concealer looked I guess. It's just the powder But yeah, I'm gonna take this all off or they don't like how this came out But I hope you guys enjoyed this video Make sure to give this a big thumbs up comment, subscribe and follow all my social media links down below if you haven't. But yeah, I love you guys so much *Moonlight - Lil Xan* *Moonlight - Lil Xan*