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I dare say, some of you should
spend less Tim on chess and reim
I don't get you, Wyatt.
Why do you want to be the leader
of this Chess Club geek fest?
It doesn't exactly help
our image as fun guys.
It's important to me, okay?
More important
than meeting chicks?
I have a visn.
Taking the Chess Club
into the next century.
You heard my platform,
"Update, computerize.
"
Seriously, as a friend who cares
deeply about you I hope you lose.
Thanks for your support.
Let that grade-a ***
Langtree win this thing.
He's a lost cause anyway.
Lots of luck, Brad.
Oh, hey, Wallace.
What are you doing here?
The tiddlywinks club
meets two doors down.
- I hate this guy.
- So do I.
I'd give anything to beat that jerk.
He'll ruin the club if he wins.
If winning this thing is that
important to you I give you my blessing.
Kick his butt.
Gary Wallace?
I don't recall seeing
your name on the club roster.
That is correct, sir.
I'm only here as an observer.
That and
to cheer Wyatt on to a
landslide victory.
Well good for you.
The wier is Brad Langtree.
( Cheering )
Hey-hey-hey looks like
the people have spoken, huh?
Mr.
Computerize.
This bites!
Four grueling days on the
campaign trail and for what?
Your shoe's untied, Wy.
Things can't get any worse.
Your move your move
Time has run out.
You lose.
Play again?
Man, you can't let this chess
club thing get you down.
I'm not.
It's just
- I hate my life.
- Relax, Wyatt.
I think you have
a perfectly wonderful life.
It's Brad Langtree.
I mean, no one likes him.
He's got a major attitude.
Oh, I hate that guy.
Oh, you'd make a much
better president than that jerk.
Is that true, Wyatt?
Well, not to sound conceited
but but yeah!
I should be President.
I'd make a great President.
All right then.
You're President.
Geez, all that just to make me
President of the Chess Club.
- Chess Club?
- Yeah.
- What did you think I meant?
- I thought you meant what you said.
What did I say?
( Helicopter Approaching )
( "Hail to the Chief" Playing )
Uh, you su guys
got the right house?
Ladies and gentlemen the
President of the United States.
- Mr.
President!
- Just one more question?
( Reporters Shouting Questions )
Mr.
President, should the rise
in unemployment
be taken as a precursor
to future economic instability?
Uh
Will you be playing sax
on Arsenio's anniversary special?
Uh as Chess Club President,
my motto is, "Update computerize"
I'm sorry, but the President
will be answering questions
at a later date.
This is strictly a photo opportunity.
Is it true the President is
using a non-F.
D.
A.
approved
pimple medication?
- Mom!
- I'm very upset.
I know you are.
You have every right to be.
I've told the press not
to trample my rose bushes.
Talk to them.
They might listen to you.
You're the President.
This has got to be a dream.
No dream.
You are the President.
This is excellent.
Check it out.
What?
No, I don't think so.
Hold on.
Let me check.
You don't want to schedule
- any missile strikes, do you?
- What are you doing?
No!
I can't be President.
I'm not even old enough to drive!
The constitution, article II,
section 1
"neither shall any person
be eligible to that coffee
who shall not have attained
to the age of 35 dog years.
"
What? Let me see that!
This is great!
With you as President and me as V.
P.
running the country will be a blast.
I just wanted to be President
of the Chess Club--
Not the whole country.
- But think of it, oh freaked one.
- You can do anything.
Absolutely anything.
You can restructure the military.
You can order pizza
any time you want.
You can promote peace
throughout the world.
You can get babes like that
Man, I wish I were you.
I can have Brad Langtree
booted out of Chess Club!
The world trade tower situation
was a wake-up call to all at the bureau.
I've been tracking a number
of fringe groups and in fact
we had planted an agent
at the hertz rent-a-car counter
who, if he had not been
on a coffee break
So, are we going to be able
to take care of Brad?
- See that guy?
- Director of the F.
B.
I.
he's got his top dogs hangling it.
Very discreet.
F.
B.
I.
great.
And who are all these other guys?
Clockwise, your secretaries
of labor
commerce, treasury,
the attorney general
- ( Vacuum Starts )
- The important thing is
that we not be caught
unawares again
Mom! Do you mind?
We're trying to run
the country here.
I'll be done in a jiffy.
Oh, and tell your friends
that there are
oatmeal scotchies and ***
tonics in the kitchen.
As I was saying, the threat
of terrorist attacks within
the country heretofore have
been seemingly non-existent
Uh, sorry.
Excuse me one sec?
I was talking to Gary here
about, you know, Brad Langtree
That matter has been
taken care of, Mr.
President.
Oh, good.
Great.
Thanks.
Findings in South America indicate
'Cause isn't think I'm being
out of line here.
I'm a better chess player
and he's strutting around
like Mr.
Cool Man Joe
Begging your pardon but the
matter has been addressed.
Watch the 'tude.
This is the President
you're speaking to.
The P-man.
The guy who signs your paycheck.
Well, actually that would be
the secretary of the treasury.
Oh.
You get the picture.
Let me assure you, Mr.
President
that my best men are on
the job even as we speak.
Go, go, go, go
Fire one.
Fire two.
Fire three.
Fire one.
Fire two.
Three.
The Charmin's been squeezed.
I repeat-- the Charmin's
been squeezed.
Let's roll.
Bradley Langtree?
Thanks for your support.
Good to see you.
God bless america.
I'm telling you, Wy, those cabinet
geezers have got to go.
Yeah, they are a little
on the stiff side.
Stiff? They're zombies!
We can't let the President
get the heebies, can we?
I'll look into replacements, pronto.
I've been framed!
You'll not get away with this,
you lying, cheating executive weenie.
Hey, hey, hey!
I will not be silenced!
I will not be Hey!
It's good to be the king.
Wyatt, we have a busy schedule.
The nato ministers will
meet you during study hall.
- There's no talking in study hall.
- They'll pass notes.
I don't like this responsibility.
You're not getting this are you?
You're the President.
Want a three-day school week?
You got it!
You want to pull the fire alarm?
Do it!
Man, I wish I were you.
I just wanted to run
the Chess Club, you know?
Wyatt, let me make
this easy for you.
I'll take care of domestic
and global concerns.
You just enjoy the power
of your sition.
Throw out the first pitch.
Take jogs with the press.
Invite Sharon Stone to
tour the lincoln bedroom.
You know, Wy, Sharon Stone's
not a bad idea.
- Oh, she's cute.
- Basic Instinct?
Was she the one with the thing?
The dress?
I failed quayle in '88.
That's not gonna happen again.
Wy, you okay?
I know we talked about re-staffing
the cabinet but why these guys?
- I mean, besides the obvious why.
- Are you kidding?
They're visionaries.
They think on a global scale.
Welcome, ladies.
This is President Wyatt
and I'm V.
P.
Gary.
Any questions, suggestions or
back-rub requests refer to moi.
I suppose we better
get down to business.
It's a job after all, right?
So, first up, does the
secretary of state--
Miss Delaware-- have a platform
on the situation in Bosnia?
Thank you.
I feel that it's vital
for everyone everywhere
to strive to live
in peace and harmony.
We are, after all, the world, right?
Do you think that was too,
you know, drastic?
Drastic? These gals
aren't afraid to tackle issues.
That's what got them
where they are.
No! I mean putting Brad Langtree
in permanent detention.
Are you kidding?
That guy's a major dweeb.
Let's hear from our secretary
of griculture, Miss Minnesota.
Mr.
President?
Mr.
Vice President?
We have a situation.
Excuse us.
What is it this time?
It seems the President's brother
was making a scene on live TV.
He tried to give
Larry King a dutch rib.
Ouch!
From now on, I suggest
round-the-clock damage control.
I'm the President brother!
I deserve some
first family yardage!
OK, what will it take
to shut you up?
A limo.
A bulletproof limo
with a turbocharged V-8.
- Can we do that?
- We can do that.
It's yours.
So, can I get back
to the country already?
Hot chow!
I got my own bulletproof limo!
One click, jeeves.
Sire, slam a door before
I sign off on this baby.
Sir.
( Whistling )
Personally, I feel big stick
diplomacy is a relic of the past.
As F.
B.
I.
driector I can't ignore
past success under that policy.
I have to disagree with you
and your earring clash.
Well, at least I didn't drop my baton.
Hey, can we all just get along?
Look we brought you gifts.
Diamond broach thingies.
My buddolas in opec assured
me they're worth a bundle,
and I have one for each
and every one of you.
Opec? Gary, you can't keep
cashing in favors.
These diamonds? A maserati?
You're not even
old enough to drive.
If congress likes the
rolexes I will be soon.
Wyatt? Gary?
We have a problem.
True, I was upset at being
replaced by Miss Puertoic
but that in no way influenced
my decision to come forward.
For the record the F.
B.
I.
framed
Farber High freshman
Brad Langtree and the man
who issued that
illegal directive is
President Wyatt Donnelly.
( Reporters Asking Questions )
Glad I'm not you.
Dubbed "Wyattgate," this T.
P.
incident threatens to bring
the Donnelly Administration
to its knees.
Enromentalists over the flagrant
waste of paper products
estimated at over 40 rolls
of double-ply.
Waiting in the wings--
Vice President Gary Wallace.
Can America survive?
Whoa! Hey! Cheap shot.
I can't believe the press.
They're like a pack
of hungry dogs.
Look at this: "President caught
inlove nest with 15-year old.
- She's two months older than me!
- Easy, Wy, easy.
All I wanted was to be
President of the Chess Club.
Now the american public
hates my guts.
And Mom will kill me when
she sees how
the tobacco lobbyists
trashed the rec room.
This isn't about defeat.
It's about damage control.
All we have to do is pull you out
of this popularity pit and we'll be fine.
I know! Wyatt can initiate
and across-the-broad tax cut.
Or judge a dog show! People love
people who love animals.
No.
We'll launch a winnable war.
Kick a little international butt
and your popularity's history.
A winnable way? On who?
- How about Puerto Rico?
- ***.
This isn't the way out, Gary.
The TV reports were all true.
- I'm guilty.
- This is politics, remember?
Cabinet members Gary--
This meeting is adjourned.
The President will be late
for american history.
Forget history!
We have a situation here.
So the President
will be late for class.
What are they going to
do to the President?
Normally, being late for class
means mandatory detention.
But seeing as you are commander
in chief I'm willing to let things slide.
No.
I don't want
any special treatment.
I'm just a citizen.
God bless america.
That's why that man is President.
Welcome to Compu-Chess.
Shall we play.
And you thought
you could run the Chess Club?
You can't even run
the United States.
Yeah? But I'm still a better
chess player than you'll ever be.
- Prove it.
- You're on.
CHETT: Indestructible.
We'll see if you're
indestructible.
Check and mate, Donnelly.
Wow.
You really are
a better chess player than me.
No duh.
But you're still a ***.
And Chess Club President.
Still you may have something
with this computer idea.
It's true.
I had Brad Langtree framed.
And for no better reason that I was,
you know jealous, I guess.
So what I'm trying to say is
I'm guilty wa charged
and I'm really sorry.
So
I'm resigning as your President.
My last act is to pardon
Chess Club President, Brad Langtree.
Thank you.
God bless america.
Cut it.
GARY: No! It isn't over.
I'm telling you--
A midnight strike on Canada
and this is yesterday's news.
That was really nice,
very presidential.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
But all I wanted was to
be President of the Chess Club.
Wyatt, life is short.
Get over it.
Hey, if Wyatt's out of the
picture that makes me President!
President Gary here.
Prepare the presidential yacht.
And tell Miss Hawaii
to bring my cocoa butter.
Hurry!
Aw, man.
What a rip.
Yesterday, we were the most
powerful men in the country.
Today, we can't even buy beer.
So much for Wyatt Donnelly 43rd
President of the United States.
It would have been
kind of cool to read
about myself someday
in history class.
Well, there are other ways
to be remembered.
Captioned by Grantman Brown
