October 13, 2013 - Love them through it - Rev. howard caesar - Sunday lessons at unity of Houston

[♪ music ♪] [male] From Unity Church of Christianity in Houston, Texas this is The Awakened Life with Reverend Howard Caesar. Unity is a non-denominational Christian church providing a positive, practical, and progressive approach to Christianity. Let's join the service in progress with the Reverend Howard Caesar. [Reverend Howard Caesar] My title today is , "Love Them Through it." "Love Them Through it," and that would apply in many cases— perhaps many ways in which we could love a person through something that they may be going through. There is nothing more important than the power of love in our lives to bind us together. It's that thing that is most important in this life that we have come to learn and to express. Some of you may know that my mother recently passed on and made her transition. Some of you may not know, and certainly our TV audience does not know, it was a recent happening, and I thank everyone for those of you that sent the many cards and letters and calls and emails and Facebook condolences. I really thank you; there were hundreds that came to me, and that was very, very touching. Most everyone I think has lost a loved one near and dear to them. It might be a parent or a grandparent or a loved one that they've been close to, and so what I've experienced in losing my mother is certainly not new. In fact, the first service there were many people that came through that said just as recent as weeks or a couple months or one month they had lost a parent or a loved one. So, it happens. And I've been attempting through my life as in preparing lessons for Sunday to try and be open to what is most immediate to be spoken to and addressed to be guided in speaking on the topics; oftentimes it may be something I need to learn or something that I have learned or something I feel led or guided to share. And so in light of that, I really felt guided to share a bit with you thinking in terms that you are family; we are a community, and I'd like to share everything in all that I can with you even those intimate moments, and I had intimate moments in the passing of my mother. And, so I want to address the importance really of having a healthy understanding around life and death and to be comfortable with it whether it be in others or our own. Because everyone dies, and nothing in this physical world or physical realm is permanent. Things shift and change, and that includes our physical bodies are not permanent. And so each of us is going to die physically. No one escapes that experience and that process. So, it's very important that we teach here, certainly, and for us to grasp again and understand that we think of this as an experience that which we call death is actually an experience of life. It's not so much an end; it's actually an experience in life and the ongoingness of life. And that's important, and there is a scripture that I like to refer to around this which is in Matthew 22, and it's where Jesus was asked a question, and he responded by saying, "Have you not read that which was spoken unto you by God saying I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob? God is not the God of the dead but of the living." God is not the God of the dead but of the living. Now, we can interpret that two ways—one is that there are those that are sort of dead to life though they are occupying a body. And it's always sad certainly, but they are just not alive. And God is about aliveness, and that means that aliveness with love, an aliveness with joy and happiness, an aliveness with peace and harmony, and aliveness with grace and goodness. That's what God is about and to be having that aliveness. And God is the God that is wanting to be expressed through you not depressed by you or shut down or closed down or hidden under a basket as Jesus spoke of it. Now the second kind of meaning I think to this where God is not a God of the dead but of the living is where I think we could interpret that to mean Jesus is saying there is no death. God is not a God of the dead but of the living because there is not death; there is only life. And people go through something called death, but it is only a transition. But it's not an ending; it's actually just like another birth. And birth isn't easy when we come into this world, and sometimes there's a little discomfort in the birth of going out. It can vary for everyone of course. So, I think it's important to grasp that that is what perhaps might be saying is that death doesn't really exist; there is only life and that death is really the liberation on into a transition into a new level of freedom really. So death also is letting go; it's letting go by the person who is experiencing that transition, and it's also a letting go on the part of the people that surround that loved one that is very important to create the dynamic of supporting them in the process of letting go energetically. My mother passed on September 25, so it was fairly recent. She was 92 years young, and she was a great mom. She was a great lady. She had a big impact on me. I've talked about her many times. Not just Mother's days, but I've stayed in contact and in touch with her, and so I've shared things; I would phone her each week at the very least. And we—she lived alone in a senior apartment, so it was great that she got to be on her own. And she had gone through a real bout with rheumatoid arthritis in her 60s that had really set her back. And she had fallen and hurt her hip, and then later in her late-80s, yeah late-80s, she had a hip replacement, and so she was a little bit wobbly, but she still was able to live alone and had a walker and was able to take care of herself. My sister was an angel living nearby there in Wisconsin, and she would take her to her doctor appointments and her hair appointments, and she did grocery shopping so that she had groceries there for my mom, and my mom could then cook for herself twice a day. And, of course, they saw her oftentimes on weekends when they'd have her for dinner. And my brother was there too and his wife, and they would spend some time with her as well. But my sister, in particular, was an angel in looking after her. And every week when I would call, we would talk about whatever was going on, and then we would say, "I love you" with our goodbye. And this last time that I called her, we talked about a number of things, and she was just really in a good place. And we talked at great length about the family, my family, and the other families around where she lived. And, anyway, when we said goodbye, she said, "I love you Howard." And she rarely I love you with my name attached, so it was like a new depth. And it was like—it jolted me, and it was like I felt that. And so we were saying goodbye, and she said, "I love you Howard." And I, you know, of course, "I love you Mom." When I hung up it was like I thought about—it hit me as though there is something here that's in motion. It was like almost a signal. And so it was only 2 days later that my sister called and said that she had had a serious stroke. And it affected her whole right side, and she wasn't able to speak though she could hear and understand through the 1 side of her 1 ear. And in talking to my sister, she, like I said, in addition to not being able to speak, but able to hear and wanting to share what she wanted to communicate, she was not able to swallow, and that was very significant because she had signed off previously not to be kept alive artificially with tubes. And by not being able to swallow that meant we needed to honor what she had signed about that. And that we would simply need to then love her through this transition and allow nature to take its course. And so she was in Hospice in a hospital in Wisconsin, and we didn't know how long she would be there. And I had the support of our staff and my family to go immediately and miss Sunday services and what have you. And I was glad I did because I was able to spend 6 days and 6 nights with her even sleeping there in a rollaway in her hospital room. So I had lots of time to be with her. And when I walked in, having arrived and flown there, she was able to acknowledge who had come into the room. And so she couldn't form words, but she went (imitating noise)—"Oh, Howard," is what I got and a big smile which, obviously, it touched my heart, and I just was thankful for my understanding of the truth that we know and teach—this belief in the truth that we are eternal beings. That we are more than our physical form, and that death is not something to be feared. And so I could see my mom as more than this frail little body. I could see and look at her as a precious soul that had experienced a long life, and it was going to be fine, and she was just going through a transition. And it's a beautiful thing to be not in fear, but just to love them through it and to have that energy, and everything is okay. And to acknowledge the courage that is going on there and all that process. For many years death has been something that—the discussion of it has been sort of hushed and in solemn tones until it's been said. The baby boom generation really kind of had a rethink of the attitudes around that during that era or time. And death happens to more than 2 million people a year. And so it's not something that we can deny. And dozens of books were written on death and dying in the late '60s and early '70s. And there was even some college catalogues around that time who began to offer courses in thanatology, which is the study of death and dying. So attitudes in death began to be broadening and expanding. And there was a book in 1969 that came out by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, it's a name that you should all probably recognize; she is well-respected. And the book was called "On Death and Dying." And it defined the 5 stages of death and dying. And that was brought into the mainstream of society, and therefore opened to discussion and debate where it had not been before. Also in the late 1960's, you had what was called self-determination movement where people began to insist that they have more control over what happens at the end of their life. And so that was important, so societal attitudes about death and dying kept changing. And according to a USA Today/CNN/Gallup poll that was taken in 1997 just under 1/3 of all Americans believed it possible to communicate with the dead. And only 7 years earlier than that only 18% had believed that. Now that poll in 1997 is 15 or 16 years ago; I haven't seen a recent poll. But I'm sure it is way more than the 30% of 1997. So these changes in attitude, you know, factored into changes in the care of those who are dying and the Hospice work that has been done, and the many people who have worked in that. It's just absolutely wonderful the strides that were made there. And also in simply aspects of one's spirituality as it relates to the process of death and dying. There is a movement that also emerged around that time that was called conscious dying. And it insisted that death could be the opportunity for manifesting spiritual growth— that the process itself offered itself to spiritual growth as you went through that experience And the idea that if you have a spiritual perspective and bring that to the experience that you are going through, then death can take on a new and more meaningful role in your soul's path, and not just represent an end. So in the late '90s there was a man named Stephen Levine, and he wrote a book called "A Year to Live." And he had worked 25 years with the death and dying, over 25, and he came to believe that death can be a motivation to live and learn to live each day as if it were our last and that it turns into then an ability to celebrate every day, and so those who were terminal or knew they had 1 or 2 years to live, he really worked with people like that. And he said, "Miracles can happen, and people who haven't spoken to their children in years they reunite, and people who have hated their jobs change jobs. And people who put off doing the thing that they always desired and wanted to do whether it was a hobby or something else, they went after it. So the idea of an afterlife is not new, of course, but it, too, began to change over the last 3 or 4 decades of the belief or the ideas around it. And people began to shift into ideas that went beyond such a literal sense of heaven and hell kind of experience. Not all but many—there are still those that are into a very literal, and that's okay. But there was more speculation about what happens, and much of that was brought on by studies that went on about near death experiences. And in the 1970's, again, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was at the forefront there. She and some of her colleagues interviewed, get this, interviewed more than 20,000 patients between the ages of 2 and 99—20,000. And they gave similar accounts about what happened in near-death experiences. And that was a turning point actually for even Elizabeth Kubler-Ross because she said in 1 of her books, she says, "Up until then, I had absolutely no belief in an afterlife. But the data convinced me that these were not coincidences or hallucinations—20,000. When they returned from those experiences there were changes. They had feelings of unconditional love for everyone that they had never known before or experienced. They brought that back. They had value shifts. Material things were no longer as important as they had been, and that the benefit of others serving and helping others became much more powerful and important in their lives. And in addition to near death experiences there was also an interest by some in the ability to communicate with those individuals who had passed beyond the veil. And Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, she definitely believed that that was possible. And she asked her dying patients actually to send her messages from the other side. And she said, you know, "Some people thought that was strange." But she said, "If you think I'm a cook—I don't give a hoot." And so even her husband, her husband's name was Manny, Manny Ross, and he preceded her in death, and he had promised to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and their daughter that he would send a message once he got to the other side. And the decided the message; he said the message will be frozen roses in— fresh roses, I'm sorry, fresh roses in fresh fallen snow. You get that? It's almost hard to say. Fresh roses in fresh fallen snow. And so he passed on, and they lived in Chicago, and as it would be it was a time of the year that was cold, and it happened that they had a fresh snow on the very day of the funeral. And it was at the graveside, and they had all these flowers and roses out. And a big gust of wind came along and knocked them over and scattered them. And so Elizabeth went around and started picking them up and picked up the roses, in particular, and went as you do at a gravesite oftentimes is to hand a rose to each person, family member or important visitor to take a rose with them. And it was at that point that the daughter came up and reminded her, "Mother, fresh roses in fresh fallen snow." She had picked up the roses from the white fresh snow. So, Elizabeth said, "There's no doubt about it; anyone can have mystical experiences." You just have to be open to it, you know, if you're closed down in consciousness you are not going to see here or be aware of the many that you could experience once you open yourself up to it. She taught that the dying can be emotionally healing right up to the final moment that it can be just sacred, any moment along the way up to the final moment. And she said in her autobiography, she said, "Live so you don't look back and regret that you've wasted your life. Live life honestly and full." That was her message. The Buddha was once asked, "What happens to the enlightened one after death? Where does he go? The enlightened one." A man asked him that, and Buddha asked him to go and gather some sticks and build a fire right there. And so he did; he built the fire, and then he said, "Okay, throw more sticks on the fire." And that guy did, and he said, "What's happening?" "Well, the fire is going pretty well," the man said. And he said, "Well, okay, now stop throwing sticks on it." And so he did, and the fire went out eventually. And the Buddhist said, "So, what happened to the fire?" And the man said, "Well, the fire has gone out, sir." And Buddha said, "Well, where did it go? Did it go forward? Did it go backward? Did it go right? Did it go left? Did it go up? Did it go down? Where did it go?" And the man said, "No, it just went out." And Buddha said, "That's right. That's exactly what happens to the Enlightened One after death." Now, what he was really talking about there was when no more sticks are thrown on the fire of passionate desires or cravings or wantings externally. The fire goes out; he's talking about the element of detachment that is so important for an enlightened one that that is the process. And that that you begin to move and shift your identity. And so one of the aspects in the process of dying is the process to identify more and more with the fact that you are spirit. The spirit of you, the essence of you that there is a spiritual body that is housed within this physical body and at death or transition you are vacating that. But the real you is the one that is moving on out, okay? And I told my mother this as well as a part of helping her across. And basically all masters and mystics and sages and seers wish one thing for us to get and that is to identify with this part of our being that is the essence—this inner self that we really are and connect with it. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, in addition to talking about the 5 stages of dying, which included things like denial and anger and eventually getting to acceptance, she also developed 4 stages of life after death—4 stages of that. And this was all based on her interviews with the 20,000 some patients that she had interviewed, and so just to take you through it Phase 1 is that you leave the physical body no matter the cause of death be it cancer, suicide, a car crash, old age. People are aware of the scene that they have just left. And they are aware of the discussions that are going on, and they witness doctors and others efforts to save them. And they assume an etherial existence she says. And in that phase, they experience a wholeness right then and there. In other words, if the person was blind, they now see in that shift into leaving the physical body. Phase 2 she said was you meet angels or guides. And in this part people report that they leave the body behind and enter this state of what they refer to as spirit and energy. And they are able to go anywhere at the speed of thought, and that was what they experienced. And the guides are there to comfort them and to lovingly introduce them into previously deceased relatives and friends, and it's kind of a cheerful reunion. And she says this is really important, this aspect that the angels and guides play, because sometimes when a person has a sudden death not expecting it it's just a car crash or something, they're confused, and so it's very important that these helpers are right there immediately to kind of usher them through and help them understand what's happened. Phase 3 she says is you enter the tunnel. And patients describe some type of a transitional structure that they have to get behind, a stream, a bridge, a mountain pass, something, and then there is this bright light at the end that radiates intense warmth and unconditional love and energy. And people report being, you know, just filled with that. And they describe that the light is God or Christ or Buddha. But they all agree, and this is very important, they all agreed that seeing the light taught them, in that moment, that there is only one explanation for the meaning of life, and that is love—they got that's all there is to life, the true meaning, is love. And Phase 4 they moved into a presence, the presence, an awareness, of a higher source. And the presence was God for most all of them of course, and some reported knowing, a deep knowing, having knowledge of the past, the present, and the future just flooding in—just a total awareness of that kind of level of knowledge. And in this state they have a life review—reliving every action, every word, every deed and how they used their gift of free will. They are asked the question, "What service have you rendered to the world or to life?" And that's a hard question for some; it's really looking at what, you know, or getting an understanding of one's purpose in life, and it's not about sorting out the just from the unjust. You know, you go onto this pile, you go on to that pile, its just helping you understand the purpose. And she said that it required a person to confront whether or not they had made the highest choices in their life. And they found out whether or not they learned the lessons they were supposed to learn in that life that they had gone into, and the ultimate lesson that each person is to learn is, again, unconditional love. That's what we're here to learn—unconditional love. So, about the second day of being with my mother I felt I needed to tell her the truth of what had happened and what her situation was. She had always been a fighter; it was not easy for me to lean in close to that ear that worked and tell her that she had had a stroke. And she was kind of surprised; it was almost maybe she was in denial. And I told her it had affected her right side. She couldn't form words the way she wanted so we could understand; we couldn't understand what she said. But most importantly, she was not able to swallow. And that meant that we would need to be honoring her request that we not have an artificial way of keeping her with us. And that because of that we were just going to love her through this experience. And so she nodded, and she understood. From then on I just loved on her; I prayed with her. I prayed with her some out loud; I prayed with her lots when she was sleeping, be at her side. And I would talk with her when she was awake, and she could listen and understand. And I just fed her with all the positives of what was ahead for her— that legions of angels were going to come to help her across. That loved ones would greet her; there's nothing to fear. That she had demonstrated in her life a faith and a trust in God, and this was the time to really broaden that as well— that many had gone through it, and she could too. I knew she had the courage. And that all that awaited her were oceans of love and that she was to look to the light, and that the light would be calling her to it. And that she should respond because there is only love in it. And I encouraged her to identify with the part of her that was the eternal self, and that there was nothing to be afraid of as her body began to shut down. That her body was not what she was; that was something she was housed in. That this precious soul that she had always been to us and as a family was that which was moving on; it was everlasting. It was a beautiful thing. My brother and sister came periodically at least once each day. And we got to have time; I would leave and go to have dinner with them each evening. So it was really a neat family time connecting with my brother and sister. And late on the 6th day of my being there I had to leave. I had to leave at 5:00 p.m. in the day to catch an evening flight to get back and join the group that I was going to Ireland, 30 some people, to Ireland and England with. And my mother understood, so I went to her side and told her I was leaving. I told her why and told her again that I loved her, and I said goodbye. And then I actually, I prayed with her for a time that she would, you know, not out loud, but that God would move her swiftly on because there was some discomfort that 6th day. And, so I got on the flight, and she passed on while I was in the air. And so when I landed I had a message from my sister that she had passed on. And, you know, I was not sad. I was happy for her. And I was relieved because she was free. And I was happy because God had answered her and my prayers and had moved her through this experience quite swiftly. And so we celebrate birth, but death is also a form of birth. And it's a birth into new life. And so, as I say, I paused and deeply thanked God for all the forces of goodness that were in my mother's life and in my life. And I learned, once again, as we all are here to learn that there is nothing to fear, and love is the only power. I hope this has been helpful to some of you, maybe all, God bless you. [male] Thank you for joining us for today's message. We invite you to be with us again next Sunday. At Unity, we believe that God's presence of love and goodness is everywhere and that life is meant to be good. You can find out more about Unity and our teachings at UnityHouston.org.