Greek S2E1 - English Transcript

Greek Week's a bigger deal than I'd imagined. Biggest Greek-on-Greek competition of all. If our friendship's going to be tested anywhere, it's here. Which is why we are Switzerland. Cappie swears by their method of neutrality - in dealing with Rebecca vs Casey. - We survived six hours being trappe in Dale's car listening to Amy Grant, all right? - Together we can withstand anything. - When he busted out the Christmas I was ready to launch myself out a window. - But I would've thrown you out first. - Now that's friendship. Welcome everyone to the 63rd Annual Greek Week Olympiad! I now give you the Parade of Houses. Alpha Sigma Rho. Beta Theta Tau. - Where is he? - I don't know. Where is it? - I don't know. - Gamma Psi Alpha. - Time to cross the border. - We'll always have Zurich! We are so going to win again, I can practically taste our victory! And what does it taste like? Cheesecake miraculously devoid of calories. The Gamma Psi Alphas are looking pretty scary-buff this year. They've all have Madonna arms from doing power yoga. I will not be the first ZBZ president in ten years to give up this trophy. We are winners and cementing our winning status is going to be the cornerstone of my presidential campaign. I plan to be the legitimate, elected president of ZBZ. I am no Gerald Ford! Frannie taught me that one. But I don't want to get too confident. I must first focus on a Greek Week victory. Even the Ice Queen looks melty. Think about it: We escaped Myrtle unscathed by Logangate '08. She looks so perky. Seriously, if my Dad did that I don't care how she acts as long as the only perky thing she shows off this week is her attitude. And our reigning sorority champions, Zeta Beta Zeta. This week's Greek Olympiad events include the Tug of War Powder Puff Sorority Football game, the Human Pyramid, the Fraternity Cheerleading Contest, the Ultimate Relay Race Just look at the spectacle. This is even better than the ice-skating cows, Torino opening ceremonies, 2006. - Cap's a big fan of the Olympics. - More than a fan. - I'm an Olympic historian. - The reigning fraternity champions, Omega Chi Delta! The insurance salesmen convention's a few hundred miles to the left, - in Toledo! - Take a good look at that trophy. It'll be your only chance to see it up close. I thought it was your Oscar for Best Actress in a Supporting Role, - Evan-gelina Jolie. - Laugh it up now. You guys are gonna be crying when we're done with you. Like you cried when we beat you in beer pong? Like when we kicked your *** at floor hockey. You won on a technicality. But since I'm so generous, we'll call it a draw. - Greek Week is the tie-breaker. - Yes, it is. Do you think later this afternoon we could talk? That is Rebecca Logan! - What? - Pledge gone wild at spring break. I think we have a code pink situation here. The miracle cheesecake just got fattening. In the spirit of Greek unity, I hereby declare open the Greek Games of Cyprus Rhodes University! -= GREEK 201 =- Brothers and Sisters. �AkaZab� [Sub-way. fr] ? Why should I bury my head in the sand because certain people without lives resort to Internet voyeurism in a pathetic attempt to justify their existence? So, did you see the video? Too bad they missed the part where I got punched in the face. I told you how sorry I am about all that. You were drunk and the whole thing with your dad, I get it. It's water over the bridge, under the dam, whatever. Same with the video. Everyone is gonna be bored with it by tomorrow. - Not according to my dad. - You called him? He called me. Instead of apologizing for bringing family secrets out in the open, he had the nerve to discipline me. For whatever damage this video may cause his situation. "Lay low. Ride out the storm. " He always uses clich�s. He's a politician, after all. Your dad's delivery was lame, but you know, maybe he has a point. Keep your head down, focus on Greek Week and the Zbzs. Give your sisters a chance. You might be underestimating them. I'm gonna have to think about that one. I could use another beer. You want anything? Actually, I've put in enough of an appearance. I'm gonna head back to the house, get some rest for the big week ahead. Maybe we can find a way to put her out of commission. Step away from the kneecap, Tonya Harding. I'm thinking we call her in front of the Standards Board for the spring break incident. Nip this in the kneecap now, because inevitably Nationals will see that video. By then we can tell them we've already handled it. I'd like to avoid another special guest star appearance from Tegan. She is a little scary. Really good hair, though. I just have to say I am so impressed with your presidential prowess. I'm gonna go check with Laura, make sure everyone has their spirit shirts. She's being more supportive than a pair of Spanx. New, nice, de-clawed Frannie. How's it feel to be dating an Internet star? How does it feel to be dating - nobody? - Because I'm pretty sure just about everybody on campus has seen her in action by now. Did you know that one time Evan pooped his pants at Camp Kitchiwa? Did you realize when Cappie started dating Rebecca, he took my sloppy seconds? Watch it, Bing, watch it! Who knew Ben-Hur would be such a hot ticket? I can't believe we had to get these a day in advance. Dale was right. t is one of the few movies that has something for everyone: Jesus for Dale. Buff gladiators for me. Roman history for the more studious among us. And a leprosy subplot for really for everyone. You consorting with the enemy? - Very funny. - Who says I'm joking? I am. Barely. But I do assume if you're hanging out with this guy, you must be doing some re-con work on the Kts. He's trying to spy on the Kts to try and learn how not to be lame. Maybe you guys can learn a thing or two. Because you are lame. We're headed to the house to practice for the final relay. - It's Greek Week. - I'll be right behind you guys. - We're cool, right? - Yeah. One more test for Switzerland. The entirety of your ZBZ-emblazoned *** was all over my computer screen. We absolutely do not want to demonstrate that this type of raunchy behavior is in any way indicative of ZBZ-ian values. Entirety of my *** aside, it certainly looked like I was having fun, right? Maybe we could use this as a recruiting tool for rush. This violation warrants an immediate suspension. She's right. We've called you here today because we should've punished you right after the incident occurred. But I was there, we all understand how upset you were, and, well, everyone does things they don't plan to do. - Especially over spring break. - Just ask Betsy. She ended up with a one-way ticket to rehab. Bottom line, you violated ZBZ standards, and therefore we are fining you with 20 hours of sister service. Sister service? - Sorority-centric community service. - I know what it is. Instead of picking up highway trash, I get to, what, apply Laura's self-tanner? - Lucky me. - You are lucky. And you should be grateful we're going easy on you. You have to think about the sorority. So I strongly encourage you to lay low and ride out this storm. Trust me, it's for your own good. I can't believe how sprightly those guys are. We're gonna blow the Ocs out of the water! Those guys are such assfaces. We should never take for granted how lucky we are to be in a house whose brothers have their priorities straight. Because of instead of controlling jerks like the Omega Chis, the Kts know what really matters is friendship. And fun. I present to you this year's Greek Week Powder Puff cheer squad: The Kappa Tau Hotties. Formation. We heard you caught a chill Well, we're here to warm you up We call ourselves the hotties And we're gonna win that cup A special shout-out to my man Heath, whose 15-year-old sister taught him that little gem. Which, I'm sure you will agree, is gonna help us win the Powder Puff cheer-off. Is - Rusty around? - Why do you want to know? - We're gonna go see a movie. - Is that so? We're in really good shape with the human wheelbarrow. Ben and I are very sprightly. - What's going on? - Calvin is an Omega Chi. You are a Kappa Tau. It's Greek Week. The twain does not meet. It never shall. Are you doing an impression of Evan Chambers? No ha. Look at me. I'm deadly serious. Don't look at my outfit. Look at me. See? Serious. Sorry, nothing personal. Double air-kiss for Evan Lame-bers, though. Go back to work. Go on. All my lip-synchers, practice, stat! Friday is red T- shirt day. - Today, it's yellow spirit shirts. - Yellow makes my skin look diseased. Don't blame the shirt. Look to your foundation. Put on a yellow T-shirt. The shirts are an easy way to earn spirit points. Especially because, for obvious reasons, the Mu Gamma Sigs are heavily favored to take gold in Powder Puff Football. Let's get into formation. Abs in, lips relaxed. Can I have a private word real quick? What? Where? I'll be right there. Campus security. We'll talk as soon as I get back. Take your time. You deserve it, you hard-working little president, you! - God! - Nope, just me. But thanks. - What are you doing here? - I got a call from Rebecca. I got a call from campus security. - What's wrong with you? - Officer Huck. On Coast Guard duty tonight? Where are your water wings? I should've known you'd be a part of this kerfuffle. - Cappie's my boyfriend! - Yes, he is. - Now, let's get you dry. - And back to ZBZ. - No thanks. - Rebecca, I'm trying to help you. I'm so sorry these pledges interrupted this - event. - This is not just any event. It's the president's private shindig for Greek alums coming to Greek Week. Including some elderly folk with delicate sensibilities - and varying heart conditions. - Whatever! They looked bored. So we entertained them. And Mandi used to be the synchronized swimming champion of Western New Jersey! I'm drowning. So I thought we'd use this for some of my sister-service hours! - You've just earned a lot more of them. - Don't worry. - I'll take her home. Come on. - Not so fast. Don't worry, big sis, we took off our pledge pins. See? I laid low and rode out the storm. Come on. There she goes. I hope you appreciate this sign of solidarity to the Three Musketeers. I'm touched beyond words. Look away, Dixieland. You guys ready to see some Chuck Heston, may he rest in peace? You still have your VCR? Why would I need my VCR? We're going to see Ben-Hur in its original anamorphic widescreen with seat-rumbling sound and overpriced concessions. - I bought some popcorn. - The video store didn't have it on DVD. We thought it would be more fun to watch it here. No noisy crowds to disturb the Three Musketeers. Stop blowing smoke up my as bottom. Since it's Greek Week, the brothers aren't that comfortable with Calvin and I hanging out. So what? We're supposed to ide here in a dark room like lepers that we're not seeing on the big screen? We're just laying low. - It's our own private Switzerland. - Switzerland? You mean the wusses that wouldn't stand up to the Nazis? We wanna conduct our friendship free from prying fraternity eyes this week. We made a pact t spring break, OK? - I just took down the Southern Cross. - Dale, we're pledges, OK? We have to do what the brothers tell us. We've lasted an entire year as pledges. Can't blow it when a few months're left. So we do their laundry, we scrub the toilets. We don't hang out during Greek Week. Do you think the brothers are gonna stop caring about who you hang out with once you're actives? Today it's Greek Week. But then it's next week, then it's the week after. And then Poland falls. I had a very simple plan at the beginning of Greek Week: "To win". A simple, doable plan considering we've won Greek Week for the past ten years. But then Rebecca gets all Dirty Dancing again. This time aquatically, and distracts me. And here I am wearing a red spirit shirt on green shirt day. Very unpresidential of me. And not at all befitting my "Zbzs are winners" election platform. Meanwhile, Suzanne and the standards hyenas are dying to kick her out. I'm dying to kick her out! It's time to put Baby in the corner for good. She has got to be the worst pledge in the history of pledgedom. Including Jen K. and that legacy from last year who wore culottes and had that little mustache. - Thank God she deactivated. - Seriously. The only reason Rebecca's stuck around as long as she has is because she's a senator's daughter, which is really doing nothing for anybody these days. But maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to get her out because I simply hate her. She has been going through a hard time. And you did almost myrtle her boyfriend at spring break. We didn't even come close to myrtling. We kissed. Very briefly. Under the influence of spring break. Which we have since left behind, unlike someone I know. I caught you sniffing that thing yesterday. Hot Ness. If I don't have a problem with Casey and everyone else seeing us, - then why should you? - Because I don't want to be hated at ZBZ, which I will be if Casey sees me as an enemy. I want it all, and the only way I can have it is if I can prove to Casey that I am still her friend and Big Sis. Before we tell her. You've had a week. So hurry up. Or you're gonna have to find another cheerleader. You're cute when you give ultimatums. And now, the Omega Chi Hotties! Those *** stole our cheer! The Gamma Psi Alphas are looking pretty tough, huh? Fortunately, some of our pledges have passed the Freshman 15 so we have a size advantage. Especially if Tammie leads with her hips. Maybe I could harness Rebecca's powers for good. To help us win Greek Week. - How would that work? - You'll see. I've decided to overlook the fountain incident. For now. Don't take that out, the game's about to start! I know you're going through a hard time, and you need to blow off steam. So, on that note, how about you channel your frustrations in a positive way. No, leave it in. I can tell they're just about to start. For my blog. And guess what? I found one of your dad's hookers online! She's trying for a music career. I especially loved her song Daddy's Girl. Now focus those feelings on the game and rip those little flags off that GPA quarterback! Go ZBZ! Hut one, hut two, hut! Put that in your blog, ***! That's it! I've tried to be nice. I've tried to be understanding that is it! I'm recommending your expulsion to the ZBZ standards board! Until then you are suspended from all ZBZ activities. You might as well start packing your bags. Remind me never to do the splits again. It was a noble effort, Beav. I had to try something new, otherwise it just looked like we were ripping off the omega chis. It did, didn't it? It was like the battle of the carmens, ladies figure skating, calgary, 1988. The omega chi were Katarina Witt, sexy, powerful, Germanic, and we were poor Debi Thomas, just biting it left and right. And to be fair, their cradle catch was much tighter than ours. So Chambers and Co. Won. In the sneakiest way possible. And we're left with one lingering question. How, how, did they Steal our Cheer? Yeah, no kidding! What? What is everyone looking at me for? You're the only one who associates with the Omega Chis. - I slept with Calvin last semester! - Wait a minute, what are you implying? Are you saying that I memorized the Cheer and taught it to Calvin in one day, all to sabotage my own house? Absolutely not, Spitter. You are a loyal pledge. We know that. OK, good. But we also know that a fortress is only as strong as its weakest part. You've been hanging out with Calvin. Maybe you happened to mention to him when we'd be practicing our Cheer. And since I'm sure the Omega Chi Cheer sucked, Calvin seized the opportunity to spy on us and Steal our sweet, sweet moves. He came over to meet me for a movie. That's what he told you. I'm not saying you did it it on purpose. For your protection and ours, I have to ask you to stay out the final competition. The relay? You won't find anyone sprightlier. We'll manage. I'm sorry, Spitter. Hey, sourpuss. What's up? My supposed brothers think I helped Calvin Steal our Cheer and give it to the Omega Chis. Cappie kicked me out of the relay race! I'm over this. I'm about to re-ignite usag. Sometimes a good president has to practice tough love. How do you know Calvin didn't steal the Cheer? Casey, Calvin didn't steal the Cheer. Hey, it's greek week, all bets are off. You're a pledge, and pledges are supposed to do what they're told. I don't understand why all the competitions are so important. I thought greek week was about unity. Whatever happened to the brotherhood, friendship, family? Oh, my god. You are such a boy scout! Eagle scout. I made it to the eagle scout. Rember? I went to the ceremony. You were a tool, earned more badges than anyone else. - That's a good point. - That you were a tool? You thought I was a tool, you found me annoying, but you still showed up to the ceremony. Because you're my sister. Mom and dad made me go. You knew that, right? Which was the right thing to do, because no matter how much you and I find each other annoying, we're still a family. Underneath it all, we'll still trust and support each other. So why aren't I seeing that support from my brothers at Kappa Tau? Because you're not a brother yet, you're a pledge. Semantics. Call it what you want, it's still your duty to be a good pledge. What about being a good President? I was right. It is called greek week. Not "personal drama week. " So what's yours? You're going to kick Rebecca out. - And you banned Rusty from greek week. - It's not exactly the same thing. It's for a similar reason. Rebecca was putting the ZBZ house at a much greater risk. I know you care about her. But honestly, Rebecca kind of asked for this. And I frankly don't even know why she's in a sorority. Do you? Because she seems to hate everything about it. That's just her way. Her hostility and sporadic verbal abuse are endearing once you get to know her. I know her and I'm over it. OK, look, Rebecca's in trouble. And I can't hold her together all by myself. You're stronger than you think. Not to mention Rebecca and I don't Even like each other. So why do you want me to help her? Because she's your sister. If that's just empty crap to you, then why are you in a sority? For the parties. Why else? Whatever you say, Case. Where's Suzanne? I need to talk to her about Rebecca. Casey, look who's here! Tegan! Casey. My little success story. Nationals thought you might need help with the Rebecca Logan problem. Politico offspring, never easy. So here I am! So here I am! Doesn't her hair look great? That's so sweet. Of course, like pretty much everyone else in America, we saw Rebecca's very special dance video from Spring Break. - Flat and French! - Great. Now we're not monsters. We know that Rebecca's been through a tough time. Right, right. And you know, if you've checked recently, the number of hits on Rebecca's video has gone way, way, - way down. - Way down. But Nationals' tolerance has reached its limit with the fountain fiasco and that little'roid rage assault on the football field. Wait, how did you hear about the fountain and the football? Girls, we have eyes and ears everywhere. Boo! Kidding! About the "boo. " Not about the eyes and ears. So, your Standards Chair informs me that you are planning to vote to expel her tonight. - We were, but I've been thinking - Things could get messy? - Yes. - Well, I'm here to keep things clean. If the decision comes from Nationals, it could carry more weight. Invite less resistance. If only we had more girls like you, Casey, ones who value standards, image and reputation. Now, where is that adorable little stain on our good name? Come in. Just wanted to see how you were doing after the big cheertastrophe. The KTS looked pretty pissed. Well, yeah, they think the Omega Chis stole the cheer. Who's to say the Kappa Taus didn't steal the cheer from the Omega Chis? The KTS aren't known for being the most prepared guys on the planet. We got it from Heath's sister. She made it up. We got it from O'Toole's sister. She made it up. The Kts - we're doing it. - I know we're doing it. We said we weren't gonna do it. What have I come upon? Nothing, Dale. We just almost chucked our friendship again over some stupid stolen cheer. Cheer? What cheer? Some cheer that our friend Heath's sister thought of about hotties warming people up. Yeah? As in We heard you caught a chill Well we're here to warm you up We call ourselves the hotties And we're gonna win that cup. - That cheer? - How did you know that? It's from the 1998 film Cheer It Forward. It's a clean-cut tale of nubile, lightly-muscled young ladies engaged in competionin the world of high-school cheerleading. It was followed in 2000 by a deeply-flawed sequel called Cheer It Backward. I've just seen bits and pieces on TV, you know. It's always on while I'm waiting forThe 700 Club. I mean, I haven't seen the whole thing. It's not like I was a cheerleader in high school or anything. They would never let guys on the team. No matter how talented they were. I'd like my packing privacy please. No time for barbed banter! Togan's waiting downstairs to kick you out! And you're here to, what, celebrate? I changed my mind, OK? I don't want you to go. You're serious? God help me but yes. I'll explain later. We need to figure out what to say to Tegan so she'll let you stay. - She should go humble. - Groveling's essential. And tell Tegan you like her hair! Even if you don't really like her hair, just say it. I want you to explain why I should even care if she kicks me out. - Rebecca, this is a really good deal. - I don't know. You tell me. Why did you even join in the first place? Why else? The parties. Right. That's why I joined, too. That's what I would've told anyone who asked. Because admitting the honest to God truth, "Hey, I'm Casey, scared and friendless freshman" would've been just too pathetic. So I rushed. And, as luck would have it, somewhere along the way, I discovered I ended up with a family. Screwed up and dysfunctional, like every other family but a family nonetheless. And this family can include you if you want it to. Sorry. Yeah, well, families suck. You don't have to worry about kicking me out. Because I quit. Rebecca. Just the person I wanted to Ashleigh! - My God, slow down. - Anyone? I know Casey, and I know she meant what she said back there. Of course you'd say that. Casey's sidekick. Stop it! Stop with the whole tough girl act! My God, I've been a friend to you, even when it was the last thing Casey wanted. And I get it. Your dad let you way down. But don't go down with him. Stop being a stupid senator's daughter and start being Rebecca Logan! Being a senator's daughter is the only reason ZBZ wanted me in the first place. Yeah, well, things change. Fine! Leave! And I'm not Casey's sidekick! He's not nearly as sprightly as you are. You here to fess up? Nope. I just came to give you this. Cheer It Forward, I've been meaning to catch this one. The stolen cheer? It's from this movie. Apparently it's a popular movie for 15-year-olds like Heath's sister. And O'Toole's. And Dale. I Before you apologize, I'd just like to say one thing. I'm a really good pledge. And you know it. For the past seven months, I have scrubbed the toilets, I have done your most questionable laundry, and I even let Wade throw up into my hands one time. And I'll continue to do so, if that is what you tell me to do. Well thank you? But there's one thing that I will not do. I will not let you tell me who my friends are. Real brothers will treat each other with trust and respect. They won't be threatened by friendships made outside the house. I think you're letting your grudge with Evan poison how you treat your own brothers. And that's not what I signed up for. So. So maybe this isn't the place for me after all. I'll be at the relay race later to cheer you on. Unless I hear otherwise. God, Wade, dismount. Excuse me. The spirit point tally just came out and we are miles ahead. Turns out you were the only president *** enough to make us wear those shirts every day. Yay obsessive-compulsiveness. You don't sound very excited for someone who's about to win Greek Week. Your whole "ZBZ winners" campaign strategy is coming together just like you wanted. You are going to be a totally legitimate president! - Then why do I feel so Gerald Ford? - Hi. Frannie was just apologizing for going off the rails so perilously last semester. Thank you for listening. - Code pink. - Code pink. Code pink. - Tegan? - Yes? I'm here to apologize. And to ask for a second chance. I'm sorry I put the sisterhood at risk. I'm sorry for I don't want to make you grovel needlessly. There won't be any second chances here. Tegan. One more thing. - Your hair is - Rebecca! No. Stop. Rebecca shouldn't have to grovel at all, Tegan. Yes, she should apologize, but that's it. We can't desert our sister now, when she needs us the most. Sisters trust and support each other. No matter what. It's simple. We stand together. Which means if Rebecca goes, I go. And I go. And I go. And I go. If I stay, can I pick whatever room I want? Something tells me Nationals wouldn't be too happy if an entire ZBZ chapter de-activated. Am I right? So, you're really going against me. For her? Yep. And ealize if she screws up again, that it's all on you? Yep. I stake my presidency on it. Your interim presidency. Right. And, next up in the lip-synch competion, the Zeta Beta Zetas! Girls, come on, hurry. Go on. Get up there and do your thing. Just keep your clothes on and don't get wet this time. So I guess we won't be wheelbarrowing against each other after all. - And I told him I was - I know, you're really sprightly. Cappie won't lift your punishment even after you told him? Apparently not. - Switzerland has its limits. - Yeah, too many limits. We need to come up with a stronger, more outspoken country. A brave little land with two citizens. We could call it Ralvin! Yeah, maybe it doesn't really need a name. That's right, we'll be more powerful in our namelessness! Right. Could I request a temporary visa? I'm sorry. To both of you. Calvin, you're welcome at the KT house any time you like. Even Grey's Anatomy night, which can be quite exclusive, so feel privileged. Any friend of my little bro is a friend of mine. Thanks. Pledge, what's going on here? - Just talking with some friends. - Well, it's time for the relay race. We'll discuss your choice of friends later. Discuss away. Doesn't mean I'll listen. So, what about that feud? - Nothing good can come of that. - You might be right, Spitz. As in swimmer Mark Spitz, nine-time Olympic gold medalist. Assume the position, pledge. We need your human whee lbarrow. I'm off to face Chambers in the last leg. By the way, you were terrifyingly adept when you ripped me a new one last night. I was impressed. Do not do it again. Take your marks, get set Come on, pick it up, pledge! Ready to come in sloppy second? May the best man win. Beaver, come on! - Cap, you OK? - Yeah. We can't let them get away with this! Let's go mess 'em up! No, you know what, Beav? Just let it go. - Hey, you OK? - Yeah. I'm sorry Evan went aggro out there. It looks like Cappie's ready to move to Ralvin. That is not what we're calling it! The winners of this year's Gree k Week Olympiad are Omega Chi Delta and Zeta Beta Zeta! Well, we won. You should've seen the look on Janette's face. - It went well with her black eye. - "We" won? Yes, I'm still a ZBZ "we. " That whole cheesy sister bond thing? It's actually stronger than I thought. Sorry, I've been a little distracted this week. It's OK. What are you doing? I hereby declare the end of these games.