Why Perfectionism is The Enemy of Excellence

So today I'd like to talk about perfectionism versus excellence and the difference between those two and why perfectionism may not be the best choice for you. So the difference that I see between perfectionism and excellence is that perfectionism is externally judged and motivated So we are either taking other people's standards and we're adopting those as our own or we are making how we're perceived by other people be the standard by which we judge ourselves while excellence is internally motivated It is looking inside of ourselves for what is important to us for our sense of worthiness and for our value system and then making decisions based on that so the problem with perfectionism I mean I think in our society we have this idea that perfectionism is kind of innocuous or it's something to even aspire to the problem with perfectionism is that when it's operating then shame is Somewhere around there operating as well and shame can be a really powerful force that we want to be really mindful of So let me tell you a quick story about this and you know how it should showed up in my life I was training for my first marathon many years ago and it was when Sarah Palin and John McCain were running for President and Vice President. I had read an article around that time that had Sarah Palin's finishing time for the Anchorage Marathon and because I didn't have an internal sense of when I should finish the race I decided to take Sarah Palin's time and that I was gonna beat that and I honestly was pretty Worked up about this. I felt pretty patriotic I mean if you'll remember at that time, we thought that Sarah Palin being the president was well some of us thought that it could was going to be the worst thing that could happen to the United States. I mean if we only knew so I had myself, you know kind of worked up that I was gonna be Sarah Palin's time So long story short, you can probably see where this is heading. I started the race really quickly and hit the wall about halfway through so for those of you aren't runners hitting the wall is exactly what it sounds like It's like running face-first into a wall it was excruciating and probably the only reason I could finish the second half of the marathon was that my sister was beside me motivating me and helping me along. So I walked and kind of jogged the last half of the marathon The shame scripts that I had going on at that time in my life were that I don't finish things that are difficult and I don't finish things that take time to finish and because I had those shame scripts going on and perfectionism operating because I had adopted this outside idea of The time I should finish in and how I was going to be perceived if I didn't then that Added up to a pretty shameful experience for me I mean I got I was so convinced even for a few years after that That it didn't really count that I had finished that race because I didn't run the whole thing I mean I was like thinking that in my mind so you can see how powerful that shame can be Let's talk about some ways that we can tell that shame not shame, but perfectionism is operating in our lives Shame too. So perfectionism. We can tell when it's happening when we're really attached to specific outcomes like I need to get this specific job title or I need to make X amount of money The problem with with those are that they're often Motivated by how we're perceived by other people or stories that we've been told about what is successful The second Really notable way that we can tell that Perfectionism is operating is that fear or lack are In control of our thinking so some examples of this. These are like classic shame scripts of not being enough like When I'm in a successful long-term relationship then I'll feel happy and worthy when my body is in shape or I'm a certain weight, then I'll be Attractive and I'll feel loveable So you can see how you know toxic those ideas can be and where the shame is there that who we are internally is not lovable just in ourselves or worthy, but that we need these external things and the last one that I notice comes up is that there are a lot of words and stories attached to perfectionism and I think that that reason is because These things are externally motivated So we need a lot of stories to keep that going if somebody expect or we want to do something because it's gonna be perceived a certain way that Takes a lot of stories and words We have to get going to make sure that that happens to make sure that we're there to make sure we don't fall short while excellence when that's operating is Still and quiet because we're able to get in touch with ourselves Our inner sense of worthiness and our own value system So a funny thing happened while I was thinking about doing this video. I was on a run the other day I was actually thinking about the video and this group of shirtless college guys just blew past me on my run and you know if I had been in a place of perfectionism Then I could have had a lot of thoughts that perhaps I've had before like Oh my gosh, those guys were so young My body is never going to look like that again or I bet those guys wouldn't be Attracted to me and what does that mean for how lovable I am? and because I wasn't in that mental place, I those guys blew past me and I said Thank You universe for your bountiful blessings and I had a giggle and I finished my run and had a great time And had a totally different experience than I would have had if I had been in a different mindset so I told that story not because I've vanquished perfectionism or Shame does it show up in my life, but just as an illustration that when we bring this into awareness and when we start to look at it Then it can totally change the way that we experience our lives It moves us from an endless treadmill of meeting other people's expectations or meeting external expectations to getting quiet developing our sense of worthiness Getting in touch with our sense of values and then operating from that space and it's such a more powerful and authentic way to live So I hope this is helpful for you. I hope you have a great day. Take good care The difference that I see between the two ideas is that So let's start with talking about the difference and then I'll talk about a story and then Affirmation or judging myself based on an external means I'm gonna do this story again. I don't like the way that was happening So I'm going to tell you another quick story blow bubbles So I'm going to tell you another quick story about Jane. Jane. Okay. Here we go Coffee coffee coffee Okay, let's try to do this in one take