Hilltop Hobbits - 'i love it' parody - Nib oswald

I'm wandering with these strange men... A crowd led by Gandalf the Grey wends, up hills, down mountainous ranges. Now we traverse this route of Sauron's foul dangers. Round Middle-earth we scout the ground with found sabres Journey on this caper wearing gowns or a cape and skirt. A Shire Hobbit from Bag End, my task is destined. A hard first new guy quest, no question. Find a chest full of treasures, orchestral music Some dude is cooing "My precious!" Lose it and I'll rob it! Look out for trolls! Or we'll never conquer our goals to plunder that vault! Use the Orcrist sword on Smaug because he took all our gold. This book of Tolkien says burgle goods that he stole! So we'll rob it! Roaming through mires and fens, probing down mines and dens, stuck in Elven groves full of spiders' webs. On track, toeing a knife-thin edge, over each heightened ledge, Lurching, we're a totally frightened mess! Bilbo! I met you at the wood copse! We'll go marching past the corn crops! You're all small guys who climb up the hilltops! On this walk goin' up, don't cha fall for no pit stop! (The Hobbit) Highway seeping with fumes. We do quiet raids, creeping through gloom. Carefully peek from night shade, sneaking through rooms. The Ring and I, it keeps me from my foes' sharp gaze So I can hide, now you see me, now I goes aways, Hush! Vile Goblins and wild Wargs, I'm a wise Bard but who said that we'll head to Isengard? Racing around with half-naked Orcs? Quite foul. Chased from a town with escaping dwarves? Quite dour. We're in trouble! My knife, it glows the best! Pwn this quest, look how I slice and hoe these webs! I stroll through ice, over heights of frozenness. Scoping out our prize where Smaug hides in loneliness. Yo, my dwarves with unshaven grey beards, Get your goblet or tankard raised, and drain your ale, cheers! Evade incarceration from an ancient lake pier, Though we're faint and we're wet, our destination lays near! Bilbo! You crept along the dark rock! Be more cautious, it's a sharp drop! If Smaug takes flight, then try out a skill shot! Steal his golden cup, he'll be killed in his weak spot! You got it, you got it! And we can be in a... Stone cell far underground and, A worn track where you carve through mountains, Shining white like our sparkling fountains, My luck is out if there's an archer round, man! I'm crawling through Smaug's abode. In his old den, where the gemstones are stowed, And he still lolls upon every golden ornament, stolen goblet, and old adornment. ...I'll rob it! A raging ravine! We escape our cruel cage, due haste down a stream! Swimming under huge waves, group drained and fatigued! I was looking blue-faced, but sewer-waste made it green! Above, Smaug has flown from his indolent slumber! I'd better give Bard the Bowman a hint as he hovers. Gonna hit him with a missile through the *** in his armour Like Hunger Games or Brave or Hawkeye bringing the karma, I'm an archer! Free coins! Bilbo! Our revenue beat LOTR! (The Hobbit, The Hobbit) Sequels gunning for an Oscar! (Box office, box office) Yeah, we'll earn thrice reprising this Ring stuff! (More profit, more profit) Game of Thrones, you suck! We gross millions at Wingnut! (The Hobbit, The Hobbit) At the Lake! (The Hobbit) Gollum! (The Hobbit) Elrond! (Nuh-uh!) Gimli! (Wrong book!) We rock! (The Hobbit) Screw Orcs! (The Hobbit) We're rich! The Hobbit, The Hobbit!