Interview with a Cannibal - Xtranormal

{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\cocoartf1138\cocoasubrtf510 {\fonttbl\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Helvetica;} {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;} \margl1440\margr1440\vieww10800\viewh8400\viewkind0 \pard\tx720\tx1440\tx2160\tx2880\tx3600\tx4320\tx5040\tx5760\tx6480\tx7200\tx7920\tx8640\pardirnatural \f0\fs24 \cf0 Frank:\ \ "Hello and good evening my fellow Americans, I am Frank Amet."\ \ Frank (enthusiastically):\ \ "Tonight, for one night only, I present to you, completely uncut, a most shocking and interesting specimen, live in the flesh in our studio tonight, a man that will haunt you even in your dreams. Is he a monster walking among us or just a man who can't cook? Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, the man who eats hands, the guy who'll deep fry your \ eyes, it's Haaaaaaarrrrryyyyy The Caaaannnnniibbaaaaaalllll!!!"\ \ Reggie:\ \ "Actually, My name's Reggie, Father Reggie Green technically."\ \ Frank:\ \ "Who gives a ***?"\ \ Frank:\ \ "So, we're here live on camera. Why don't you tell us a little something about yourself, Mothra?"\ \ Reggie:\ \ "It's Reggie, not Mothra."\ \ Frank:\ \ "Cut! Cut!...Pause!"\ \ Reggie Voice Over:\ \ "It's live, there is no cut....and who the hell says pause?"\ \ Frank:\ \ "So, Leonard, how does one get into eating humans or how do you say it, Cannibalism? Are there some sort of online classes, meet and greet groups or did you *** to "Soylent Green" one too many times?"\ \ Reggie:\ \ "Actually it occurred to me in church at first communion and..."\ \ Frank Cut's him off and impersonates Charlton Heston:\ \ "Listen to me, Hatcher. You've gotta tell them! Soylent Green is people!"\ \ Frank:\ \ "So how old are you now...in dog years?"\ \ Reggie:\ \ "Well, I guess 7 times 36 years would be..."\ \ Frank:\ \ "So, let's talk about this bread and wine business." \ \ Reggie:\ \ "Well I assume that you already know the wafer or "host" represents the body of Christ and the wine his blood."\ \ Frank:\ \ "I'm going to have to apologize here, Larry. My family raised me Christian, not satanic." \ \ Frank:\ \ "So tell me Harvey, are those host wafers really gluten-free?"\ \ Reggie:\ \ "Well I never thought of..."\ \ Frank: \ \ "Certified Non-GMO? So how do you get blood out of your holy whites?"\ \ Reggie:\ \ "Bleach?"\ \ Frank:\ \ "Thank you Carlo for the helpful cleaning tips, I'm sure your mother Maria taught you well."\ \ Frank :\ \ "So, you were talking about getting drunk on wine and eating Jesus or something?"\ \ Reggie:\ \ "So anyway it just got me thinking about the consuming the body and blood of Christ, then why not just consume everybody? It tasted so pure and clean, I think he was trying to tell us something, a hidden message if you will."\ \ Frank:\ \ "If I will what, Andrew Bite-em?"\ \ Reggie: \ \ "If you would just open your mind and drink the wine."\ \ Frank:\ \ "So you're kind of a Cannibal Vampire, interesting. I used to be in a band called "Greg's Lubed ***". We'd bend over backwards but we still couldn't get any play." \ \ Reggie:\ \ "I think you're missing the point, Frank."\ \ Frank:\ \ "Your point is like a vegan bukake video."\ \ Frank:\ \ "Let me liven up this *** of an interview with a joke, ok?"\ \ Frank:\ \ "What do Vincent Van Gogh and Mike Tyson have in common?"\ \ Reggie: \ \ "They both give cannibals an EAR-ection."\ \ Cut to Frank staring at Reggie, clearly pissed off that he didn't get to say the punchline\ \ "Get the hell off my set."}