Dennis Wade Comedy Set Flapper's Nov 2013

Thank You Alright, my comedy sets tend to get real punk rock so feel free to get this mosh-pit going! but please, make it a mosh-pit of hugs, cause that's more my style also, don't touch me. I've got issues we don't have time to work on in a five minute comedy set I've got a lot to gripe about. I know there's conspiracies in the world. I've been told the whole concept of B.O. was created by the deodorant companies to sell their product At least that's what all my Armenian friends say I I feel I'm quite blessed I get to live in the same neighborhood I was born in *** It's abreviate L.A. but it's really called Little Armenia and I used say that the overlapping Thai Town cause I like their food better that's not true, Thai food's awesome but ah, you know in this thirty some odd years they've been overlapping I'm yet to meet a Thaimenian I saw a hookah at a Thai restaurant. I think that's as close as I'm gonna get but I like what's going on right now it feels like family my family at least. where one person just rants endlessly while the rest silently plot their revenge I don't have much family. It's very small but I have some younger cousins I'm trying to keep contact with so that I have family in the future... to take care of me but I;m out to dinner with one my cousins and I should let you know she's pretty attractive unlike myself and some guy comes up and says, "Hey,... ... don't mean to bug you on your hot date." I'm just totally grossed out by the whole thing so I stand up and shout, "Yeah, like I could afford a chick this hot" she saw right through my backhanded compliment and goes, "you could wait until Thanksgiving to call me a ***" I was quite disturbed to find out that my younger favorite cousin has become quite a little cutter and I guess what hurts my the most is nobody told me about it because they thought I would encourage it which is kind of right cause that ***'s hot. and it doesn't cost much but it was quite thrilling to be out with my cousin because I haven't had a conversation with her in 15 years and well, she was 8 and I was tripping on acid. So I'm going to chalk this up to the first time I've never really been one for drugs I might have smokes some pot to relax myself or some shrooms to expand my mind but I've never really been one for coke... I just like the way it smells even if I *** get all my lines tonight, still the greatest oral presentation I ever gave was going down on a lesbian. I have my nana to thank for that because of her I'm one quarter lesbian but no one ever credits my grandfather for being the greatest lesbian maker of all time. I think he had it right with his second marriage which was stated in the contract how much sex he gets each year in exchange for how much money it would cost him. I did the math after you died turns out a *** a day would have been cheaper than marriage. unfortunately, I didn't inherit any of that money nor his incredible V-shaped torso that he had in high school. I've been cursed with this eight-year-old girl body and I don't know what an 8 year old body looks like, I'm using my imagination now I wish I could take that back I need you to on your way home tonight to yell at the top of your lungs Dennis Wade does not look at eight year old girls. cause I need all the alibis I can get I send Dodgers tickets to homicide cops... you know just in case it sucks to get rejected 110% of the time. I won't even be hitting on girls and I'm still getting shot down. The other day I was this bar and I see this really tall, pink drink with green leaves shooting out of it I just have to ask excuse me, what's the name of that drink? To which she replies, "STOP TRYING TO *** ME" Hey bartender, can I have two stop trying to *** me's? They look delicious Don't worry, my lack of a love life is counter ballanced by the fact that I'm such a passionate man... some would call that bipolar I've also been told I'm quite creative... which turns out is just a mild form of schizophrenia. and right now I'm incredibly high... on anxiety. I wasn't born this nervous... I just suffered your typical Jewish upbringing. they suckered me into that religion the rabbi made a typo at my bris and now I have this circus-sized *** Thank you very much. That's my time. I'm Dennis Wade.