World's Dumbest Partiers 13

( man laughing ) narrator: Tonight... ( man laughing ) man: Woo ! narrator: ... party animals running amok. ( commentator burping ) man: Oh ! narrator: We'll take you to the tropics. man: Nice Speedo, my friend. narrator: And to the local bar. ( train whistle blowing ) man: Let's go show our *** to the Amtrak, huh ? What do you say ? narrator: So put on your party shoes, 'cause it's gonna be a blast. ( commentator screaming ) It's time to get down with the biggest party animals around. Featuring commentary from our knockout celebrity cast. Tonya: I mean, these guys needed to just be slapped. It's truTV Presents "World's Dumbest Partiers." After a long night of partying, this woman ends up in a fast-food restaurant. She soon grows angry that her four-piece box of chicken nuggets hasn't arrived. Mike: This is ridiculous. It's almost as if they're filling orders in the order they were placed. This is outrageous. Daniel: Last time I was at Spago, Wolfgang Puck was straight playing, so I hopped that ( bleep ) and grabbed my mushroom risotto. man: She not gonna go get it. man: No, off the counter. Yeah, no, we just-- we just cleaned that. No, well, it's not clean anymore. narrator: Hoping to calm the woman, the manager offers her a ten-piece nugget box. Danny: That's how you know he was scared for his life. Fast-food places don't give away ( bleep ). Loni: She wanted four pieces. See what happens when you can't count ? man: We on "National Geographic," and this *** is crazy as ( bleep ). Mike B.: Yes, I've seen this one before. "Drunkibus Bitchicus." ( elephant trumpeting ) woman: No ! man: Oh, my God. Judy: If you're planning on getting arrested, I would not wear the weave. Mike T.: Oh, God. Put this into evidence. commentator: Hands behind your back, hands behind your back. Todd: People are still getting their food ! Look out, girl. Let me get my chicken nuggets. Kevin: How would you tag her ? There's Tony, there's Andy, and drunk-*** ***. narrator: Police escort the partier out. Loni: This is why I go through the drive-through. I pay for my food, I'm gonna get my food. woman: I want what I want ! narrator: Hedonism II is an adult resort in Jamaica. man: Oh, that's that island sex resort where white guys take their wives to sleep with Jamaican dudes. I can't remember if meals are included. Nick: It's his 40th time there and he still hasn't been laid. Can I say "laid" ? Bryan: Nice Speedo, my friend. John: That's not a swimsuit. Those are ***. Leif: The what ? Chris: Did we just get a serial-killer confession ? Ted: I think the only thing rippin' and tearin' in Rick's room is his colostomy bag. man: Break it down Break it down Break it down Break it down Say what ? Break it down Break it down Todd: Oh, oh ! Stop it, stop it ! Tonya: I mean, this is just nasty. man: Take it off ! Let's get it on Jaime: Don't stare directly at the package. Brad: High tide, low tide, high tide. Danny: Come on ! Mike B.: Man, his career as a video ho is gonna skyrocket. man: Break it down Break it down Take it off ! Mike T.: At least he's Jamaica's problem for a few weeks. The United States is a little less perverted while he's there. man: Break it down Break it down narrator: It's Country Music Festival time in Palm Springs, California. Daisy: Woo-hoo, party in the desert ! 120°, let's get drunk. man: Yeah ! narrator: To beat the heat, some partiers construct a makeshift waterslide. Billy: This is the most exciting thing that's ever happened at a country music festival. Loni: Hey, the church needs those tables for bingo. commentator: Oh, yeah ! Jaime: Across two tables into a tiny cold coffin. Got it, can't wait. man: Go for it ! Oh ! woman: God. Nick: Apparently, the nipples on a woman act as a natural suction cup. Tonya: You have to go fast. You gotta actually run and jump. ( crowd cheering ) Ted: The only difference between this and Japanese *** is I'm not turned on by Japanese ***. man: Oh, ( bleep ) ! Oh, ( bleep ) ! Brad: Oh, she hit her head. At least she didn't hit anything she needs. narrator: Minutes later, the law wants to speak to her. Jaime: It's okay, Officer. We're totally in control. Oh ! Oh, my *** fell out. Weird. commentator: All right, take care of yourself, sweetheart. woman: And that's how you do it. Chelsea: And that's how you become the worst person ever. narrator: Cowgirl's charm works and the party continues. Roger: Beer-bonging off a police car. Only on "World's Dumbest Partiers." Danny: Say what you want about hillbillies, but when they get drunk, they get creative. man: Oh ! narrator: Coming up: Partying by rail. Billy: And now passing on your left, a bunch of ( bleep ). narrator: A drinker impaled. ( man laughing ) man: ( bleep ), that hurt. narrator: And... ( horse neighing ) Roger: Oh, my God, did you see the size of that thing ? woman: Whoo ! narrator: Plus... woman: Whoo ! Yeah, yeah !)MA I need to wash. narrator: When "World's Dumbest Partiers" continues. ( woman squealing ) Bryan: Watch out, Lady Gaga. You got some competition. woman: Humpin' it good. Hump it, hump it, humpin' it good. Gonna-- I'm gonna hump it up high. Michael: What... the hell... am I watching ? woman: Whoo ! Yeah, yeah ! ( grunting ) Wes: Can a refrigerator file *** assault charges ? woman: Hump it, hump it, hump it. ( moaning ) Mike T.: In a related story, my *** just tried to commit suicide. woman: Hump it, hump it, humpin' it good. Kevin: God, I just want to give that poor dog a hug. Chelsea: Get me the ( bleep ) out of here ! ( woman squealing ) Danny: It's his mom ? Brad: No, no ! Loni: Happy Mother's Day. woman: Hump it, hump it, humpin' it good ! Hump it, *** it good. Chelsea: Oh, yes, Mother. Waft that skirt-thigh air at me. There's nothing I'd like to smell more. narrator: After the dance, the drunken woman fields a few questions from one of her son's roommates. Loni: Girl, they didn't ask for your shoe size. ( buzzing ) Michael: Oh ! I need to wash. Rob: You know, I watched this and I thought, I miss my mom. I gotta call her. Todd: Aw ! woman: Hump it up high, hump it down low. man: You're doing great, Mom. narrator: Addison here is about to attempt the time-honored party stunt known as a keg stand. Brad: Has anyone explained gravity to him ? Does he know ? Chuck: Here's a tip. Try a sit-up first, and then work your way up to keg stands. Jaime: Yeah, yeah, it's your muddy feet, not the 350 pounds they're supporting. Mike T.: You gotta get it up. You can't have a horizontal wall squat. Loni: Look, dude, just do it like you normally do. Sit on the couch and drink your beer. Kevin: Whoa ! That is-- That's at least a 3.2 on the Richter. Judy: You would think with all that padding, that he would have no pain. John: Yeah, I got it on tape. Fat ***. narrator: While Addison decides to call it an early night, his stomach reflects on the incident. Mike T.: Why did you have to hurt me ? Now I can't have more beer to get bigger. Oh, I'm so sad. Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. ( man laughing ) ( bleep ) narrator: Every summer, Mugs Away Saloon in California hosts a unique celebration. man: Woo ! narrator: The annual train mooning party. man: Woo ! Todd: Let's go show our *** to the Amtrak, huh ? What do you say ? Leif: Party bus ! Todd: Let's go ! ( train whistle blowing ) woman: Woo ! Judy: Who has time to stand around all day and pull their ( bleep ) pants down when a train goes by ? ( train whistle blowing ) Nick: How come I don't get to see this when I'm on the train ? ( train whistle blowing ) Danny: If this is an annual event, you know the most pervy conductor schedules to drive it every year. ( train whistle blowing ) Billy: And now passing on your left, a bunch of ( bleep ). Brad: Is that the San Andreas Fault ? 'Cause that is a lot of crack. Mike T.: Nice, nice, not nice, not nice, not nice, not nice, nice, nice, nice, nice, not nice, not nice, not nice, nice, and gross. All right. Loni: Oh, that's a lot of bright ***. White people. Judy: Wipe ! ( train whistle blowing ) Kevin: Way to go, girls. You just mooned a ( bleep )-load of copper piping. Daisy: Next time, let's check the schedule. ( train whistle blowing ) Tonya: Hey, everybody, look at the baby butt. Hello. ( train whistle blowing ) Michael: That was awesome. That's pure and good. That's the America I want to live in. Frank: Semper fi, baby. God bless America. ( train whistle blowing ) ( crowd cheering ) narrator: Contestants in a Colombian beauty pageant parade through the street. commentator: Okay, everyone, let's have a nice round of applause for our horseback-riding beauties ! Hi ! Daisy: Oh, yeah, this should be good. Horses like to party. commentator: It's the most beautiful women in Colombia riding our most beautiful horses. Okay. Mike T.: Don't worry, ladies. There is a semi-professional on site. commentator: Take a drink. No, thank you. Take it. It's better this way. Jaime: Oh, the little "horsies" don't want to participate ? commentator: Okay, calm down. No, no, no ! Dios mío ! Jaime: Well, it looks like the big one does. commentator: Whoa, whoa, whoa ! Get down, get down ! Roger: Oh, my God. Did you see the size of that thing ? commentator: Ay-yi-yi ! Oh, oh ! Roger: That girl's hat ! commentator: Down, horse ! Bad ! Get down ! Bad horse ! Get down, get down ! Danny: I think we know who wins the beauty pageant now, don't we ? commentator: Whoa, whoa ! Bad horse ! Get down ! Bad horse, get down, get down ! Leif: I don't even think he wanted the horse. I think he wanted the girl on the horse. commentator: Oh ! Oh, my, my ! Oh, oh, no ! Oh, my, my ! Loni: Excuse, me, sir. Can you at least introduce yourself to me ? commentator: Oh, oh ! ( horse neighing ) Dios mío, dios mío. Brad: Uh, Mr. Ed, you just knocked her down. commentator: Are you okay ? No. Hey, we need some hand sanitizer. Brad: And now she's in the corner crying. Are you proud of yourself ? Rob: He made me feel very beautiful inside, that the male horse wanted to mount me and making love to me. But, no, he too big. narrator: The dethroned beauty queen is shaken up but not seriously hurt. Mike T.: I'm so sorry. I just got a little carried away, I'm kind of embarrassed, but we should hang out and grab some tapas. commentator: Whoa, whoa ! Bad horse, get down ! Bad horse, get down, get down ! narrator: Coming up... commentator: Whoa ! narrator: ... painting with gas. man: Throw it ! commentator: What do I do ? Tell me, what do I do ? narrator: And... man: It's really hard to do, but with love and-- narrator: ... liquid sculpture. man: ... you should always be able to do it. Bryan: Anybody smell stomach ? narrator: Plus, party of one ? commentator: Look at me ! It's my birthday, it's my birthday ! Woo-hoo ! Loni: Go, fatty ! It's your birthday, show it. commentator: Woo-hoo ! narrator: When "World's Dumbest Partiers" continues. narrator: This is Scott Freeman. To honor his deceased father Doug's Icelandic roots, he's prepared a traditional memorial pyre. Brad: Just to confirm, Doug isn't in there, right ? Billy: "Danger. Extremely flammab..." Oh, blah, blah, blah. Leif: More brains. More brains, less gas. ( crowd cheering ) Michael: I think I know how-- how Doug died. Daisy: Doug hated nature and wanted to see it all burned down, so this one's for you, buddy. man: Throw it ! ( crowd screaming ) Loni: When in panic, just spin. man: Throw it ! Throw it ! Kevin: Actually, the only way that could have been better is if you actually caught on fire. man: Do you realize that you were holding a burning gas can and in-- and surrounded by flames ? ( man laughing ) Scott: Uh, when was this ? Brad: Does he realize he almost joined his father ? John: I'm coming, Daddy, I'm coming ! Woo ! Danny: Maybe the Icelandic tradition of celebratory fires should actually be left to the people in Iceland. man: Whoa ! ( bleeps ) man: Scott ! ( phone ringing ) ( commentator snoring ) ( phone ringing ) man: This ain't my first rodeo. ( commentator snoring ) man: Brett and Jamie, I wish you guys the best. Just remember that you need two things. You need to understand each other, 'cause you're two separate individuals coming together, entering one relationship and making it work. Judy: Who is he, Dr. Phil ? Shut the ( bleep ) up. Loni: Marriage is a hard, hard thing. Better you than me. You know, a lot of people getting divorced. man: You need to understand each other, 'cause you're two separate individuals coming together, entering one relationship. Michael: Can we try something a little more upbeat ? For Jamie and Brett. man: It's really hard to do, but with love and understanding, you should be always able to do it. Billy: Hey, lady, come on, you had your chance to object during the ceremony. man: But with love and understanding, you should be always able to do it. Kevin: You know, in some states, marriage isn't actually legal until someone projectile vomits on the camera. Leif: Congratulations and-- Not on the Armani ! You idiot. Bryan: I smell-- I smell stomach. Anybody smell stomach ? Mike T.: Brett, Jamie. Thanks for sitting me at the table full of ( bleep ) gross people, appreciate it. No, this is lovely. woman: I wish you guys all the best and I hope the cameraman does not cut out the wonderful scene of the girl throwing up behind me because that was awesome and that just shows how much fun your wedding is. Frank: Hey, man. Leave that on. Do not ( bleep ) erase that. Danny: To Brett and Jamie. Thank you so much for inviting really drunk chicks to your wedding. I'm definitely gonna score. Bryan: Here's to you, throw-up girl. You're my kinda lady. ... two groomsmen Sorry, I didn't realize 4th-grade rules still applied. Mike T.: I think the wall's gonna be all right. Tonya: I mean, these guys needed to just be slapped. narrator: Meanwhile, upstairs in the honeymoon suite... Jaime: Juan Lopez, huh ? Oh, that's good. Boy, I would start a big fight over this. narrator: Coming up... commentator: Okay. Oh ! Danny: Look, a white Russian that had too many White Russians narrator: And... commentator: Hurry... hurry ! narritor: ... one angry soda bomb. man:soho b! Bryan: There goes your Oh, my-- narrator: When "World's Dumbest Partiers" continues. commentator: Have to get to other side of-- Hello, car, hello, car. Okay, okay. Brad: See, in Russia, you don't even need a breathalyzer. You can tell how drunk someone is by how dirty their knees are at 2:00 p.m. commentator: Okay, here I go. I can do this, one step. One step, I got-- Okay. Nick: It was like watching a newborn calf how to take her first steps. commentator: Oh, I have horrible night, horrible night. Chelsea: Are her and that old lady in the same climate ? Or was this somehow done with special effects ? commentator: Okay, here I go. Oh, one step in front of the other. Oh ! ( horn honking ) Danny: Look, a white Russian that had too many White Russians ! ( rim shot ) That joke kills. commentator: Okay, one step-- Oh ! Oh... Daniel: I know that position. It's called "downward facing drunk." You really feel it in your liver. Brad: Shh, shh. The road's telling her a secret. commentator: Oh, the-- horrible fall, horrible street. Mike T.: That girl looks like she needs some help. commentator: Oh, oh, okay... Mike T.: Oh, did I say "help" ? I meant, she needs two guys to stand across the street and videotape her and giggle. commentator: Okay, okay, I can do this. Roger: You can't blame the poor thing. Who could possibly walk in those heels ? Loni: Somebody give her a bed, please. She gonna hurt herself. commentator: I can do this, okay. Oh ! Floor ! ( snoring ) Billy: This woman may have been completely drunk, but she won a prize from an experimental theater festival. ( record scratching ) Oh, what ? Did somebody else do that joke ? commentator: Oh ! ( snoring ) Frank: I want to start my own show: "Russians That Do Dumb ( bleep )." And it'll be, like, a 24-hour marathon. 'Cause they're ( bleep ) dumb. commentator: Hello, car. Oh ! Ow... narrator: Friday night in Utah. These high-schoolers are making explosives out of soda and dry ice in a church parking lot. Danny: Yep, that's pretty much how I thought they had fun in Utah. Jaime: Thanks for letting us know they're idiots right up-front. You know, I'd hate to be surprised later when they do something idiotic. Daisy: That's so weird that Carson didn't follow international safety protocols for a soda bomb. I thought these guys were the real deal. Bryan: There goes your piano career, my friend. Chris: Broken thumb and pinkie. Well, good thing he's not Hawaiian. Billy: Okay, who is Ari and what exactly is her medical training ? Mike T.: You can tell the guy's in a lot of pain 'cause he doesn't even, like, relish the moment of asking a girl to jerk it fast. Carson: Ow ! Ow, ow, ow, ow ! Ow, ow ! John: What kind of a sucker are you ? Find a guy there and tell him to pull your pinkie out. Do it once, idiot. Jaime: Well, I'll call you silly. man: Whoa ! Are you okay ? ( police radio chatter ) narrator: Police are giving this 19-year-old partier a ride home after her friend's arrest on DUI charges. Loni: Is-- What is-- Is she opening up-- Oh, my goodness. commentator: Are you kidding me ? Give me that. Get out. Brad: Oh, are you mad at him ? Oh, well, we don't want to make you mad. Little kitty cat. Here, have your beer back. commentator: Hands behind your back. girl: Ow. Leif: So she wasn't in trouble until she opened a beer in the back of the car. Stupid ! Mike T.: I want to wear these the appropriate way, with my boyfriend, when we have a safe word. Rob: Sure, yeah, let me pull over. That's a normal request. Judy: Gun, billy club, nightstick, tampons ! Tonya: Hello ! I think that a three-year-old would know that you have to be 21 to drink. Kevin: If there was ever a time that fishing for compliments wasn't gonna work, it's probably when you're sitting in the back of a cop car. narrator: Police bring the teen to the station where she's charged with underage drinking. Ted: Wow, the only thing dumber than that is... Sorry, I got nothing. narrator: Coming up: Contests of drink. ( commentator burping ) Todd: Oh ! I knew that was gonna happen. man: Oh, my God. ( laughing ) Kevin: And he's rejected ! By life ! narrator: And later... narrator: When "World's Dumbest Partiers" continues. Danny: Hi, I'm Danny Bonaduce and I am undefeated when it comes to drinking games. Today, I've got a few tips for all you rookie players out there. Anyone can celebrate a winning shot in beer pong, but not everyone can celebrate like this. And she did it with her pants around her ankles. Now, that's bringing your "A" game. man: Oh, my God ! Danny: We've all played Dizzy-Bat, but this next competitor does it with real flair. man: One... two... three... ( commentator groaning ) ( crowd laughing ) Danny: If I were the ref, I'd give him four points for that shot. ( crowd laughing ) Here's a young lady trying to down a beer *** full of a high-alcohol energy drink. Especially daring, since she's been at this party for a while. Jaime: What's that ? Down on my knees ? man: Oh ! ( commentator burping ) man: Oh ! Danny: She stayed on her feet for five full seconds. Trust me, as beer bongs go, that's a total success. ( commentator burping ) man: Oh ! Danny: So remember, drinking game fans, always play hard, always play dumb and maybe someday I'll see you in the winner's circle. ( woman screaming ) man: Oh ! narrator: This man celebrated his 40th birthday by going to see the Chicago Cubs. commentator: Strike ! narrator: Now the ball game's over, but the festivities are just beginning. commentator: It's my birthday ! It's my birthday ! Jaime: 40 years old. And midlife crisis starts... now ! commentator: Yeah ! Look at me ! It's my birthday, it's my birthday ! Woo-hoo ! Mike T.: Cub fans are embarrassed enough just by being Cub fans. Do they need this guy now ? commentator: Oh, yeah, look at me now, look at my belly ! ( grunting ) Loni: Go, fatty, it's your birthday ! Show it. Yeah, look at all of that ! You go, baby. ( commentator grunting ) Judy: The cinematography was fantastic. It looked like a classic old film. commentator: It's my birthday. What do we got here ? What do we got ? Kevin: As a Cubs fan, I am absolutely ashamed that people left half-filled beers in the garbage. ( commentator booing ) Billy: Drinking out of the garbage can, by the way, is very green. Tonya: By the time you're done, you're gonna have *** instead of Slurpees. narrator: Stadium security drops by and puts a damper on the surprise birthday party. commentator: Uh, sir, what are you doing ? Father, Son, Holy Ghost, amen. Father, Son, Holy Ghost, amen. Father, Son... No, you're done. Kevin: After drunkenly stumbling around, trying to take his shirt off and rooting through the garbage for beer, he crosses himself. You know why ? 'Cause he's a good Catholic. commentator: Yeah, bye. See you later. man: Yeah ! commentator: Birthday. ( police radio chatter ) narrator: Wisconsin police respond to a report of a suspicious vehicle. ( police radio chatter ) Billy: I would have loved a longer chase here. With helicopter coverage. commentator: Good evening, sir. Can I ask you why you're driving a shopping cart ? narrator: Police stop a man driving a motorized shopping cart with a bicycle loaded on it. 19-year-old Matthew Kawa says he borrowed the cart from the supermarket where he used to work. Mike T.: That's for going up and down the dairy aisle, not for going down the 405. John: Has he ever heard of side streets ? Tonya: I mean, hello. There is a thing called legs and walking. Leif: Long Island Iced Tea is made out of, like, six different drinks. ( commentator burping ) No wonder he couldn't ride his bike. Mike T.: I am way too drunk to ride my bike, but I am just drunk enough to drive a motorized shopping cart with my bike balanced on it. narrator: The tipsy teen is arrested on suspicion-of-theft charges. Brad: Really ? Suspicion of theft ? No, he stole it. Chris: This is why police need a charge called "Are you ( bleep ) kidding me ?" narrator: On the way to the station, Matthew pleads his case. Nick: I know his mother, I slept with his sister and I banged his dog, but him, I can't-- Loni: Just make up a name ! Ooh, I hate a dumb drunk. Chelsea: Well put. man: Woo ! narrator: You've drunk 19 stupid partiers under the table. man: Oh, my-- narrator: But the dumbest one of all is still out there, and he's ready to celebrate with a *** man: Whoa ! narrator: Find out who it is when we return. man: ... you should always be able to do it. man: ( speaking foreign language ) narrator: Steve has invited family and friends over to ring in the new year with a power-packed display of fireworks. man: ( speaking foreign language ) Brad: Anytime I see a grown man giving a thumbs-up, something bad's about to happen. man: ( speaking foreign language ) Todd: Whoa ! ( woman screaming ) Oh ! Damn. I knew that was gonna happen. man: ( speaking foreign language ) ( woman screaming ) man: Was one of Steve's New Year's resolutions to do away with having eyebrows ? Daisy: Oy, Steve, put another face on the barbie ! ( woman screaming ) Tonya: First things first is, you never look down a barrel, okay ? Daniel: What do you expect ? A country that can't even declare its independence from Britain is not gonna know how to use fireworks. ( woman screaming ) Brad: Uh, don't anybody rush over to your friend. woman: Oh, my God. Brad: We wouldn't want you to break a sweat or anything. Michael: A little ( bleep ) late for "get away." Nick: Yeah, a Band-Aid. That's gonna put his eyes back into the socket and his nose on his face. Jaime: Your face is burnt and the children are crying. It's gonna be a good year. narrator: Steve suffers first-degree burns. Chelsea: Well, now he looks ready for a day at the beach, so I guess it didn't turn out so bad. narrator: He also temporarily loses the hearing in his left ear. Leif: What ? man: Temporary hearing loss. Leif: Huh ? Mike T.: Is there anything dumber than lighting off fireworks during broad daylight ? Oh, yeah, lighting off fireworks during broad daylight in your face ! ( woman screaming ) Brad: I love the Hedonism. I love it because of the rippin' and the tearin' and the rippin' and the tearin'. Frank: Yo, yo, rippin' and tearin' in the house. Daisy: The rippin' and the tearin' and the rippin and the tearin'. Chuck: The rippin' and the tearin', the rippin' and the tearin'. Tonya: Then, all of a sudden, you got ( honk ). Leif: What ? Daisy: The wild women, the wild women, the rippin' and the tearin'. Nick: The rippin' and the tearin'. ( blowing raspberry ) Jaime: Ripping and tearing ? Daisy: The wild women, the wild women. Chuck: The rippin' and the tearin', the rippin' and the tearin'. Frank: Word. Brad: Oh, hold on, I dropped my room key. Yeah, oh. Oh, what's that ? Oh, what's the moon out all of a sudden ? Kevin: Oh, no ! That's weird. Nick: Party time. man: Awesome. ( scattered applause )