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Previously on "Being Erica": I'm Erica Strange, daughter of an insurance salesman, granddaughter of a bricklayer. Oh, Antigone Kim! It's Antigone Morris now. - Congratulations! - Thanks. So do you work here? Yeah, I head up Green Row's fiction division. You know what? Don't show up at my front doorstep and tell me not to sleep with Kai, all right? It is none of your business. Okay, I don't need this. He's not a coward; you are. Why're you doing this to me? This life isn't real! The woman in there who I don't remember marrying, the child i don't remember having - none of it is real! You weren't in a cult. Your book is a complete fabrication. If we don't publish this book, we go broke. There are times in our lives when we reach a crossroads; when we find ourselves stuck between a series of impossible choices. Should we move forward, should we turn back? Which way is the right way? How do we know? Whew! Okay, let's, um Let's start with the good news? There is no good news. You've maxed out your line of credit to fund the launch of The Purple Door; there's rent owing; there's credit card debt to the tune of $14,000. If you don't find a way to raise some cash, and quickly, I don't see that you can possibly remain solvent. Okay. So we need to hustle. We need to turn water into wine, red into black. Step up our hunt for an investor. I know you don't wanna hear this, but it might be time to consider bankruptcy. Um Bankruptcy. Close up shop, move on, learn from your mistakes. Okay, I can sell my condo. Julianne No, just listen. With the proceeds, I can pay off most of our bills. No, you know what? You've already sunk way too much of your own money into starting this business, all right? It's just, it's not an option. Okay What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Right? So we just need to brainstorm. We just need to find a solution. Yeah, it's called you take one of the jobs that you turned down to start 50/50. Hey, stop it! Stop it! We don't give up. Like twin Phoenixes, we, we rise from the ashes. Right?! Right. Yeah. - Good night. - Good night. Hello? Hi, could I speak to Erica Strange? Speaking. Who's this? Let me give you a hint: Think graveyard, white masks, ritual burial, secret society of future literary geniuses. Antigone Morris. Good memory. Wow. Hi. How, how are you? Great. Look, I'd ask how you are, but I already know. Word's gotten out about The Purple Door. Listen, I can't really talk- Well, I won't keep you. I just, um I just wanted to call because I have an opportunity that I think might make your day. Really? That's, um That sounds great. I'd love to hear about it, and I'm sure Julianne would, too. The opportunity is confidential. Julianne is my partner, Antigone, and we share everything, so Yeah, I totally get it. But my relationship is with you. Okay. Great. Could you meet me tomorrow, Sounds good. I'll see you then. Perfect. Bye. Bye. When there's an impossible choice to make, when we must choose a path, how do we know? How can we be sure that we're making a choice that we won't regret? Original Air Date on November 24, 2010 it's clearer inside of me who I will always be open me up to my heart feels like I'm seeing in the dark waking me up to my heart to do it all over again and again until the end the sum of my dreams and everything I ever wanted to be Is everything okay? Yeah, fine. Just give me a sec. Urgh! - What's wrong? - Nothing. Obviously something is wrong. It's fine. I just I just had a long day at work. I'm tired. Well, is it me? I mean, did it No. God, do we have to talk about this now?! - Where are you going? - To get a drink. - Adam- - Look, Annie, just let it go, yeah? Fine. Can I get you something? Water? Beer? No. - Hey. - Hello. Towel? Thank you. I don't need a session, Dr. Tom. I need a little blue pill Psychological impotence: Defined as a failure to achieve *** due to thoughts or feelings. So, what's on your mind? Lots. I'm a student again. Summer's my busy time at work. Group. So, it's stress. That's the problem? Well, let's try to isolate it a tad more, shall we? So, uh Well, what were you thinking about in the moment? I don't know what I was thinking about. My brain kept going to other places. Hmm. Well, for example? Like how I just met this girl, I don't even know who she is. Well, that's never been a problem before, has it? No. No, it hasn't. But I'm 34, Dr. Tom. I've never even had a long-term relationship. Does that upset you? It never used to. I assumed that one day I'd meet someone and it would feel right, and And what, Adam? And I'd change. You know, Adam, often our bodies know things before we do. What does that mean? It just means that sometimes there are things that we don't allow ourselves to know. Because we're not ready, or because we are frightened of the implications. But our bodies are not so easily fooled. So, are you gonna send me somewhere in my past, to figure this out? Uh no. No, not today. Thank you, Adam. Feel the soft clouds lifting your arms. Now, relax your elbow joints. Pivot right foot And push. Push. Okay, Brent. Sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm trying to build bridges here. If you're not gonna take this seriously No, no, I am taking this seriously, Thomas, I assure you. What is that? Wax-on, wax-off? Is that what you're doing? No, Thomas, I am trying, I swear. Well, you may be trying, Brent, but no hablamos the same language. Brent, you just, you don't "get" me. Your notes You're making my chapters worse. We're not a good fit. Thomas, I have read the "Secret of Now" 20 times. I'm trying to understand your genius. Thomas, this book means the world to me. What do I have to do to convince you not to do anything rash? What you should've been doing from the start, and that was finding a way to put yourself in my shoes; walk a mile in my brain. Okay, okay, I'll try. Well, there is no try; There's only do. And if you don't, then I'm gonna talk to Frank Galvin about finding a new editor. Now, go. You're disrupting my chi. Go. My chi can still see you, Brent. No, I absolutely love the book idea. I think you should run with it. Uh, leave the pitch on my desk, okay? Erica, welcome. Hi. My office is right this way. Great! And our biggest title of the quarter is by an author you worked with at River Rock. Marcus Stahl, "The Addict Within." - I I loved it. - Really. Every time I talk to him, he raves about you. Oh, that's You know what? That's really nice to hear. So we have a position opening up for the Vice-President of our non-fiction department. Oh! And You're on our short list. I Oh. Oh, Antigone, I'm obviously very flattered, but I'm sorry, I thought that this was about a collaboration between Green Row and 50/50, because I'm not looking for a job. Erica, I'm gonna level with you. The whole industry is buzzing about 50/50 and Seth Newman. Word is that you guys are dead in the water, and Julianne is wearing it. What? I mean, that's That's completely unfair. Because Julianne and I, we share the responsibility and Perception is reality, right? Julianne has been around forever and she's made lots of enemies. Look, you on the other hand, you're fresh, and your work is highly regarded, and authors love you. And jobs like this do not come around very often. This is a big opportunity, Erica. Wow, I don't I don't really know what to say. This is, uh It's all very unexpected. Think it over. Hey, here. Give me a call if you'd like to be put forward. Okay. Thank you. Well, that's simply not true, Tina. is open for business. Yes. Yes, and in fact, I have to go because I have Will Appleyard standing in front of me, about to pitch me the next bestseller. Yes. Ta-ta! Will Oh, you don't know how happy I am to see you. Muah. Muah. How goes the fight? Oh, you know me, I keep on truckin'. So what to you have for me? 'Cause I can really use it right now. "Sweet Dreams, Kitty." That's a working title. For what? Bedtime stories for cats. I'm sorry? It's a book of stories you read to your cat. "The mouse that got away." Why did you bring this to me? Because it's ready to go. Look, Jules, I know that this title isn't in the 50/50's wheelhouse- No, no, Will, I hate cats. I think they're evil. They lick themselves, everywhere. I'm just trying to help you out. Well, what happened, what happened with the sensual cookbook? 'Cause I thought we really hit it off with those authors. We decided to go with River Rock. With River Rock? No! No, they said that they were put off by Brent. They said they found him fake. Gemini published a similar title for dogs last year, and it's kept them afloat. No, Will. Will, this is trash. This is the The literary equivalent of processed cheese. Fine. It's trash, but it will keep the wolves at bay, and give you time to find that next Diamond in the rough. No one will ever take us seriously again. I think that's the least of your worries right now. Okay, tonight's whole menu is Brazilian. We've got fejoada, farofa, a real churrasco-style barbeque. Wow, someone's been doing his Brazil homework. No. Uh, yeah. I got all these recipes from my mom. She's Brazilian? No, no, my parents, the communists, moved us down to Minas Gerais when I was a kid - it was like a hippie commune - and it was there where she mastered the art of Brazilian cuisine. Ah, so that's why you have your heart set on Brazil. Yeah. But The beaches, the surfing, the fact that it's gonna be their summer while it's snowing up here doesn't hurt. When do you take off? Is it November? December? End of November. Lenin, we don't really talk about our relationship. I feel kind of awkward bringing it up No, no, don't feel awkward. Okay. So what is this for you? Is it a casual fling in between trips? - No. - No? Sam, no. I really like you. But you're still going to Brazil. Well, I bought the ticket before we met. Why do I feel like you're deliberately misunderstanding me. Well, what're you asking me? If I like you? If I wanna be with you? I'm asking if this is serious. 'Cause if it is I want you to stay. Stay. And do what? I don't have a job, I already got a subletter for my place- Lenin, you could get a job. You know what? Never mind. If you wanna go, you should go. Sam, I just can't not go to Brazil. But you could come with me. - What? - Yeah! It'd be fun. Lenin, I just got divorced. I'm not twenty, I can't change my plans on a whim- You plan too much. Well, maybe you don't plan enough. You know, adventures are great, but you can't live your life moving from one party to the next. Yeah, actually, you can. Well, I can't. You know what? I think I want to be by myself. - Sam - No, I'm serious, Lenin. You should go. Okay. Hey. Sorry I'm so late. Uh Oh, that's okay. Why don't you sit down. I'm gonna read you a passage from our next book. Our what? Yeah, "Sweet Dreams, Kitty." Yeah, just listen. Listen. "And the little Kitty purr-purr-purred as the hands and fingers of her owner tickle-tickle-tickled her under her chinny-chin-chin. Sleep, Kitty Kitty, sleep." Yeah. Yeah. It's not even grammatically frickin' correct. But, but it's a book, and we can get it for cheap, and there's a lot of crazy cat ladies out there on the Internet that are going to eat it up. I went to Green Row this morning. You went to Green Row? Why? Well, Antigone Morris, um She called me in to talk about an opportunity, and I thought that it was for 50/50 Press So what, instead she offered you a job? Is that right? How did you know? Well It's what I would've done. We're a sinking ship, Erica. I mean, great people are really hard to come by in this industry. So did you say yes? No! Of course not. And she just offered me an interview, not the job, so And I reminded her that we have our own company. Had. Had our own company. Hey, Julianne, what happened to, you know, not giving up the fight? I am a fighter, but, uh, at some point you have to face reality. I am not abandoning you. Well, you can't abandon something that's already gone. Right? You gotta take that job interview, Erica. You do. It's done. Can somebody please say something soon, because I'm just this close Hey, hey, hey Oh it's okay. No, Rebecca, you know what? It's not okay. It's really not okay. You're gonna be fine. You are. This is a horrible setback. But everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe this is what was meant to be. Erica, can I ask you a question? Thank you. What? Do you want to save your company, or do you wanna throw in the towel? Obviously, I wanna save it. It's just You know I didn't go into business to publish garbage. Well, you won't be in business if you keep putting your pride before a viable solution. Stop whining about how you're too good to publish a book about cats. No, Adam, it's not about cats; It's for cats. So what? At some point, Adam, every battle has to come to an end, and it sounds like Erica has reached it. You either win or you lose; That's life. Okay, if I believed that, I'd be still beating the *** out of people for Hastings, and you'd be still a single mother on welfare, and you'd be still a drug addict has-been, and you'd be still addicted to video games and the Internet instead of having an actual life. And you'd be still working call center jobs. It's not easy - it's not supposed to be. - I know that. - No, you don't! You have a solution staring at you in the face, but instead of grabbing it, you're telling us all how it's beneath you. You you know what? You don't understand. Yeah, I do. You want us to give you permission to take the interview, so take it. Stop being such a coward. You've made your point, Adam. Adam, I thought you were gonna get started on that retaining wall. Get off my back. I'll get to it when I'm ready. This looks great. Beatrice. Hi. Um have we met? No. Um, I'm Adam hi. It's nice to meet you, Adam. I'm sorry. Hi, mom. Yeah, no, I thought I'd come over there for dinner tonight. Uh, my date bailed. Seven sounds great. Bye. Hey, where are you going? I'm taking lunch. You look like you've seen a ghost. Yeah, I think I have. What does it mean, seeing her like this? Huh? Why did this happen? Well, your boss was hired by Beatrice to redesign her front garden, and then you were assigned by your boss to do that work. That's why. You did this. No. No, I didn't. I don't believe you. Well, I'm your therapist, not your matchmaker. The work that we do together here gives you the tools to deal with your present life. I actually have no interest in laying out your path for you. What, am I supposed to fall in love with her? Is that my fate? You don't believe in fate. I didn't before now. But, Dr. Tom, in another universe - one that you showed me - Beatrice was my wife. We had a child, a life together. Yes, you did. So What do I do? "But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart." Antoine de Saint-Exupery. Fierce wheels, Giacomelli. Brent, today is not the day to provoke me, because I will strike back. I come in peace. Get outta my way! I heard about Seth Newman and I have a solution; a proposal that could be mutually beneficial- Move! Julianne, I am here to help. Help?! Do you think I'm stupid? No, no, but if you'll just hear me out- No, I will not hear you out. Brent, you were my friend. I loved you, I trusted you, and you betrayed me. So no, I'm not interested in hearing your proposal. I am not interested in hearing anything you have to say ever again. Lemonade? Would you like some lemonade? Lemonade? It's Adam, right? Right. Thank you. The garden looks beautiful. I'm hopeless with plants. Sun and water, it's all they need. And a green thumb. Anyway, I should let you guys get back to it. Sure. And thank you for the lemonade. Beatrice. Yes? Um Would you like to go out with me On a date? Um Okay. Sure. Yeah, yeah. That'd be nice. How's tomorrow? Lunch? Yeah, I'll swing by and pick you up. Yeah, that sounds great. I really enjoy the challenge of taking an author's passion or their real life story, and helping them hone it into some form of entertainment. You know, something that's personal, that everyone can read, and hopefully, learn something from. That's great. Now, has Antigone filled you in on the position? A little bit. That the title is Vice-President of non-fiction. And you'll be reporting to Melanda. Along with a team of editors reporting to you. We average about 30 titles a quarter. Ahh! That's impressive. Wow. It's a challenging role, but the compensation package is excellent. So you and I would be working hand-in-hand, determining the vision of the department. You'd have a lot of autonomy, though not as much as you're currently enjoying. Of course, and that's to be expected. Do you anticipate that being a problem - making the switch from being your own boss, to having one? No. Not at all. I've worked for other people my enitre life. I mean, as you know, I was promoted from assistant to junior editor after six months at River Rock. I worked on the Marcus Stahl book, I spearheaded "The none," "The Sex Scoop." I mean, my whole work in the publishing land, it's been collaborative. So working with others, taking direction, it's never been a problem for me. I feel like I work well with all different kinds of people and I just I really enjoy the process. Well, I think that's it for us. - Mm-hm. - Okay. Thank you for coming in. Thank you for the opportunity. How long have you been in landscaping? About five years. But I just recently decided to go back to school. Landscape architecture. Are you enjoying it? Yeah, I am. It's great. Great. I should've done that a long time ago though. Why didn't you? Probably because I was afraid of failing. That is an honest answer. And you? Your work? I teach at U of T. - Oh. - Religions of the ancient near east. So, you're a brainiac then? Oh God, no, no I'm just a history nerd. I never quite got over this childhood obsession with the pharaohs. Pharaohs. Yeah. Takes me back to like grade five. What do you remember? Um, that mummies get really pissed when you wake them up? No? Erica. - Hold up. - Hey, is, uh, is everything okay? Everything's great, actually. Melanda loves you. You're exactly who she needs. - Oh! ! - Which means you have the job, if you want it. - Really? - Yeah. Uh, I know I'm sure you'll have to talk to Julianne, to figure out things on your end. Mm-h.. We'll need an official answer from you within 48 hours. Okay. Perfect. Uh, thank you, Antigone. Great bye. Bye. I had a really good time today. Yeah, so did I. Do you want to come in? Yeah. Yeah Uh What the hell's going on? Is this your past? No. This isn't my past. I have no idea where we are. Dammit, Dr. Tom, this isn't funny! It's not meant to be. Where are we? Dr. Tom: Uh, an island. And it would appear that you are stranded. No, Dr. Tom, I am facing one of the biggest decisions of my life; I don't have time to play survivor. Well, this isn't a game, Erica. It's your session, as a matter of fact. And Adam, since you have such strong feelings about the path that she should take, I've brought you along to help. Oh-ho-ho great! With what? With getting to the other side of the island. Once there, you'll both find a way back to your respective lives. And that's it? That is it. How do we know where we're going? We don't have food, we don't have water, we don't have a map. Ah, but you do have matches. Good luck. I suggest that you get moving before it gets dark. Look, here's a path. This way? Sure. Whatever. Oh, this is gonna be a lot of fun with you sulking the whole time. Uh, I'm not sulking, I just don't wanna talk to you. Adam why? Why do you think? Because of group? All I did was tell you what I thought. No, you yelled at me. Fine. I was a jerk. Is that what you want me to say? Only if you think it's true! Look, Adam, here's the reality. Things between us have been weird ever since Ever since I kissed you. I'm over it, so why aren't you? Oh, calling me a coward was you being over it? No, I called you a coward because you kept saying one thing and then acting the complete opposite. You said you don't think about me "that way." That's fine, all right? I get it. But then you have to respect that there are limits on our relationship that you put there. So don't show up at my front doorstep to start a conversation about who I should and shouldn't sleep with. Fine. I get it. I apologize, okay? Okay. We should keep going. Ouch. So, what do you think this is about? Well, it's about my job, obviously. I mean, my company, but I gotta tell you, I don't see the connection between my dilemma and this. It's a riddle, it has to be. There have to be clues or obstacles, or something. Well, he did say that we just have to get to the other side of the island. Yeah, but it can't be that easy. Are you sure about that? Wait a second. Aren't these the same doors? We're back where we started. How is that possible? Because I told you, it's a game and we're stuck without a rule book. I hate this! This is stupid! And if I'd knew that we were going hiking, I would not have worn heels. What are you laughing at?! You. You're insane. So what do we do? If at first you don't succeed, try a different route. Come on, this way I see another path over here. The world keeps spinning changing the lives of people in it Oh my God. Back where we started. What if we tried taking the path over the bluffs? Oh, Adam, really, I cannot walk anymore. Yes, you can. Come on. The world keeps spinning changing the lives of people Oh my God, we're back here again? Nobody knows where it will take us My whole body is aching. We're gonna need to build a fire, and try to find something to eat before it gets dark. What? Nothing. I was just thinking about your company. What you're gonna do? Well, a part of me thinks that I should just be grateful and take the job. And the other part? Thinks that I should stick with 50/50. But then if I do, and we really are, you know, dead in the water, then turning down that job, it's just It's another regret. On a list that's long enough already. The way I see it, there are two types of people: The ones who take the safe and practical route, and the risk-takers - the ones who carve their own path. And which one are you? I play it safe. At least I did until recently. 'Til you got in here and started messing around. I think we should get some sleep. Yeah, you're probably right. Can I ask you something? Sure. What are you thinking right now? That's such a question a girl would ask. Oh. So, does that mean that you're not gonna answer it? Hmm? Adam, you are the one that values honesty, so why don't you just tell me whatever it is that you're thinking right now. Hmm? Why is this so hard? I was thinking about you. What about me? That you were right; That I am a coward. How are you a coward? Because I'm not really honest, not about everything. I tell other people to be brave, but then I turn around and I can't be. So try. You're up early. You know, I woke up this morning and I thought that every path that we took yesterday it led us right back here, right? Mm. You said that this was a game, but I also think it's a metaphor. For what? Well The woods, they represent my challenge: You know, do I take the job, do I take the safe route, or do I fight for my company and carve my own path? It's worth a try. Welcome, weary travellers. Dr. Tom, really? You're usually more subtle than that. Than what? This lesson: Make your own path. Well, you asked for a map, Erica, but you had that with you the whole time. The map is within you and your feelings are the guideposts that tell you when to go left and when to go right. Often, we tend not to listen because it's hard, it's scary, and we forget that there is no other path to happiness except for the one that we create for ourselves. Now, off you go. Is everything okay? So I've been thinking about our last conversation I realized that travelling to Brazil is obviously really important to you and I would never wanna stand in the way of you living the way that you live, so - Hey, Sam - Just Let me finish. Um I think we should break up. Do I get a say in this? I've also been doing some thinking and, um The truth is, I've moved every six months for the last five years and I think that might be a problem. That's not a problem. I shouldn't have said what I said. When I was 19, I quit university. I thought, why do I need to learn about the world through books, or Or the ramblings of some Professor, when the lessons are out there, to be learned and discovered. And that's amazing. It is. But, um What? But then you came into my life and For the first time in a long time, I don't know, I guess I found a reason to stay in one place. I don't wanna lose you, Sam. I don't. I care a lot about you and, uh I would never choose going away over us. Ever. Okay? Yeah. Come here. Ugh! Brent. - Hey. - Hey. Whoa. What're you doing? I'm just sorting through our stuff - we have to decide what we're keeping and what we're selling. I, uh I gave Ivan notice that we'll be leaving this month. Did you get the job? Yeah. But I'm not taking it. Why not? Because I'm not jumping off the ship while it's sinking. So you'd prefer to actually drown? Okay, it's a bad metaphor, but the point is, is that it's not over until it's over. It's it's over. No, we, we do the frickin' cat book. Okay, we edit it, we rewrite it ourselves if we have to. We do what we need to do to stay alive. Hmm? Okay, maybe if we moved this chapter about the catnip junkie to later in the book. Right. Behind the story about the canary and the goldfish, right? Exactly. Comedy-tragedy. Maybe this book won't be as embarrassing as we thought. A girl can dream. Right. Brent? Brent, no, no. Get out. Get out now! Okay, please, please. Just, just hear me out. I heard you, Julianne, and I get it, okay? You have every reason to hate me, but I need you and Hmm "Sweet Dreams, Kitty." Clearly, you need me, too. Please. Spit it out, Brent, before we change our minds. Here. Take it. What is it? Your next book. It's crisp, it's pacey, it's gonna be huge. A celebrity tell-all memoir; River Rock has no idea it exists. And you're just gonna give it to us. Why? Actually, how can you even do this? Just so happens the subject of this tell-all is an old friend of mine from my modeling days, and he owes me. Okay, what's the catch? Hmm? One small favour. Hmm. Here it comes. I'd like you to top-edit "The Mystery of Tomorrow." Confidentially, of course. You-you'd like us to? I need you to. Mm-hmm. And that's it? That's it. I brought Thomas Friedken's chapters with me. I'll need a pretty quick turnaround on this if you decide to go for it. Well, let's see who this "celebrity" is, shall we? Oh, wow. So what do you say?
