Direct Number Close - Infield Approach by Sasha Daygame

Hi! Whatís going on? Itís me Sasha and Iím testing my brand new fancy microphone ñ it cost four hundred pounds! Thatís like six hundred dollars. But apparently, itís got excellent recording quality so letís make some magic. Uh excuse me? Hi. Donít panic, Iím not crazy or anything... this man has got a massive amount of ñ see that? I saved your life, just then. Thank you. Thatís not actually why I came over to save your life, uhh I just saw you and thought you looked *** phenomenal. Thank you. And I thought if Iím not going to chat you up now, itís probably never going to happen to be honest so, hi! Hello. How you doing, whatís your name? Olivia. Olivia hi, Iím Sasha. Sasha, thatís a nice name, hi. I think itíll be funny if we just kept shaking hands for like five, six minutes and then talk. Okay, alright. We donít have to do that. So what are you, what are you up to, whatís your... whatís your story Olivia? Other than being... I donít live in London. Ahhh. Well we might as well just cut to the chase, are you willing to come down just to have like an amazing affair, maybe once a month? Itís too expensive for me to come, yeah. Letís just pretend Iím a lawyer and I earn 300k a year. Is that helping? Iím not actually. I like how in your head you were like :). No. That was a... that was a dirty joke. But ah, how come youíre in London now then? Um, to go and see a few modelling agencies, and go to a casting. Look at you. Iím a model; Iím so pretty! Nya nya nya! No, no, no. Just so you know that actually lowers you in my eyes a little bit. Yeah it does, it does, most models are ***, and yucky girls. You seem, you see... But you know, you seem, quite, you know, fairly, like a nice person yeah. I donít do it full time so Iím not... Ok. Iím not What are you... swallowed into the world yet. What are you doing on the, you know? Uhm, Iím at university. Okay. What are you studying? English. Ooh. Youíd be a really hot English teacher. Thanks. If I had you as my Eng I wouldnít get anything done Iíd just be there like uhh and youíd be like ëSASHA!í and Iíd be like ëwhat? Sorry?í Itíd be *** terrible, so... maybe just, you know... ugly up a bit before you start teaching. Okay. Is that what you like, wanna do? No, no, no I donít know yet. Whatís your? I think Iím going to convert to law. Better than converting to Christianity, thatíd be more awkward. What do you do? Uhh, you know, chat up girls on the street, that kind of thing, thatís what, and you can tell Iím only an amateur but, you know I do what I can. So you wanna be a lawyer, really? Uhh I donít know yet. So youíre in one of those like, youíre not sure stages? Iím only 19, so... You know what you should you should just go travel for a year. Figure it out, honestly. I wish I could, not allowed. What do you mean youíre not allowed! My parents are like... You need to find yourself! You wonít go back into work! No no no no no listen the best thing honestly if you donít know what you wanna do donít just ***í do something to make your parents happy honestly tell your parents to *** off, go around the world for a year and when you get, you know what youíll wanna do then. Do you really wanna spend all this time studying for something and then youíll be like miserable in five years you donít want that. But anyway, hereís the important question; whoís the lucky guy? Pardon? Really? What do you mean? You know, you got a man? Oh! Boyfriend fiancÈ husband? No, no. Nothing? Iím 19, I would never have a fiancÈ not for... Fair enough, but you know, you must have something the matter with you though if youíre totally single I mean, youíre too hot to be single. I think Iím just hard to impress. Are you? Iím just picky. Have you seen my biceps? Do you wanna, do want to have just a little? No thank you very much. Iíll start over. Hi, Iím Sasha! Whatís your name? Olivia. Hi Olivia, how are you? Let me guess let me guess... studying English, thinking about going into Law.. part time model. Yes. I know, psychic. Runs in my family. Well, let me, how long you in town for this time? Uhh, an hour. An hour? And when are you in town next? Um, I donít know, cause I only found out I was coming here yesterday, so... Well how about this? Next time youíre in town, weíll meet up, have a cup of coffee or a drink, weíll chat, obviously if thereís *** chemistry Iíll seduce you, weíll go back my place and weíll make love all night long. Very presumptuous. Only if we get along, obviously if we hate each other, it wonít even, itíll just be a cup of coffee and thatíll be it. What do you reckon? Umm, maybe. Maybe? So thatís a yes, but you donít want to admit that you want to have sex with me because youíd feel like a dirty slapper. Thatís totally fine I understand that. Alright so letís do it the old fashioned way, Iíll give you a missed call and then youíll know itís me. I donít even know you though. Sure. Just call me then, thatís fine. Okay. I know all your womanly tricks. Whatís my? Okay, right, 07... Are you on uh, pay as you go? No. Okay. 0781... Iíll whisper it to you in case- Oh 0781... Uh just in case somebodyís watching. Okay now press talk, and then well you can get to hear my ringtone. Yay. I need a nickname for you though, I need a nickname for you, okay I got it, oh, letís see. Iím going to call you ëOlivia the nice modelí, howís that, how does that sound? That sounds lovely, thanks. Because, no wait I got it I got it, ëOlivia, the non-*** modelí, thatís you. Non-*** model. Thank you! And now youíve got to live up to that so if we meet up you have to be nice to me. Iím, Iím always nice. You canít just, you canít just be really ***. Okay. Well listen, youíre absolutely lovely Iím happy I met you, I know itís totally random, a little bit strange. It is. but, come on, I had the balls to come over. Where are you from? Iím from a small place called Canada. I know... I donít know Canada, but Iíve heard of it. You know what? Iíd be worried if you hadnít heard of it. Alright, come here, give me some love. Okay. Youíre lovely and I hope you get the job. Thanks. And that you uh, you know, that you do well. I hope they pay you a thousand pounds an hour. They wonít, but thank you. Hi Hi Donít panic! Iím not crazy or anything, I only wanted to tell you you look absolutely amazing. Thank you. You going to run away from me now? Yeah. You going to run away? Listen, just one question ñ sorry about the scaring you but uh obviously I donít see girls I like very often ëcause Iím super picky, and youíre just my type and really hot and I just wanna know one thing, just one... Whoís the lucky guy? Aha you didnít answer, youíre single arenít you? Why does this always happen? Because thereís a secret underground movement of men who just like to chat up girls. This always happens in Oxford street. This is our favourite, this is our favourite place to do this actually, so... Iíve got, Iíve got a boyfriend. Have you? Oh. Is h- is he a real boyfriend or an imaginary boyfriend? Name? Ah hesitated! Alright, you still sort of hesitated though. Are you happy? What are you doing? Iím chatting up girls. Why is there a guy taking a photograph of me? What? Who? That guy? Excuse me, hi! Donít take this the wrong way, but you are the hottest girl Iíve seen in the last 15 minutes. Oh thanks. And thereís so many girls out here right now! Just one question: how many boyfriends do you have? One. One? Is it a proper boyfriend? Yeah. Not imaginary? No. Whatís his name? Ah, you hesitated you totally made him up! No I am seeing someone though. Alright then. Heís not my boyfriend. What about sharing? Alright excuse me! Hi. Donít panic, Iím not crazy or anything, but uh, Iíve got like a really big crush on one of you guys, like I think Iím slightly in love with one of you guys but I donít want to say who itís on because if sheís got a boyfriend Iím going to cry. Weíre both taken, sorry. Are you bo- are you serious? Yeah Iím engaged and she has- We canít even cross anymore! She has a baby. I-it was... you don- you donít have a baby! Why are you just making up random stuff. Oh yeah sheís got four kids in Nigeria, and sheís got an adopted one, two crocodiles, that doesnít help anybody. Is your baby! I have a puppy baby. Oh a puppy baby? Oh thatís fine. Thatís not going to get in the way, between you and me at all. I have got a boyfriend. Name? Guy. Dammit, you see... Heís a Police Officer as well. I like how you said... you could- you could be arrested right now just for chatting me up. Jus- just for the- just for the record. Is that just to get rid of the- heís a policeman, letís run away! Weíre breaking the law right now. Itís fine. Well anyway... Itís nice to meet you. I just wanted to try that, and see if I had a chance. Obviously... Itís so nice of you. You made your choice. Do you want a hug? Aww. Aww. I really am engaged though, I wasnít lying. I like nice girls. You guys are cool. Bye! Excuse me! Hello young lady, hi! Iíve fallen madly in love with you, and I jus- I just was going to run up to you and tell you I think youíre gorgeous and try and chat you up. And of course youíve ruined everything by starting to go down the stairs, which makes it really really awkward. You look extremely Swedish. Iím not. I know, but... am I close? No, Iím Russian. Russian? Yes. Itís a good thing I speak fluent Russian, so we can just switch to Russian. Really? Yeah. Uhh... and you look, when you were walking like, you had this look on your face like you were a little bit *** like that, but I can tell now youíre actually quite friendly. Well anyways, how many boyfriends do you have? A lot. A lot? So you have room for one more obviously. Are you sure? Have you seen my bicep? You wanna- you wanna touch? No, itís okay. You live in London? No, Iím just visiting. Oh okay. Are you one of those Russian models, and you walk around... No no, just visiting, seeing the city. Okay. Are you from St Petersburg? Um Moscow. Thatís good, how long are you here for? Just two days more. Two days more? Aww. Do you have like a boyfriend in Moscow? Yes. Is he bigger than me? Yes. Much bigger. Cool, well listen, itís great to meet ñ what was your name? Lovely to meet you, and uh... Iíll see you in Moscow. Hi! Hi. Donít panic, Iím not crazy or anything, I just came over to say I think youíre absolutely gorgeous. However, youíre probably too young for me, I just wanted to know how old you were? 17. 17! Oh youíre right on that border, youíre right on that border, itís like are you French too? No, Iím from Poland. Youíre from Poland? Really? You donít look Polish at all! Yes because my Fatherís half Belgian, half Dutch. Oh thatís fine, cool. Well I see youíre running away so obviously you donít want to have a, you know, love affair with me? Careful, youíre going to die. How many boyfriends do you have? One. Just one? Oh. Well I donít want to break anything special. And youíre too young so I wonít talk to but, nice too meet you anyway, what was your name? Nadzieja Nadzieja? Sasha. Excuse me! Hi. Hi. Donít panic, Iím not crazy. Okay. I just wanted to come over and tell you, that umm, you have a really sexy body. Thank you. I mean wow. Jesus, you must just have guys coming up to you all the time just like, pawing at you, just going like ërawrí, just, throwing themselves at you. No. Iíve only been here a week, so youíre the first one. Really? From up north? Northampton. Northampton, nice. Nothing interesting. Do all the girls look like you in Northampton? Because I am MOVING THERE. Take me to Northampton! Where do you come from? Can I just hold you in my arms? No. Damnit. I like your hair by the way itís really cool. Would you like to touch it? No. Okay go on then. I like how youíre lovely but then youíre being a little bit cold at the same time. So listen, letís cut to the chase. Youíre fit, Iím fit, clearly we like each other, when are we hooking up? Never. What do you think, next week? No. Wednesday? No. Thursday? No. Friday? No. How come? I donít do Fridays. Iím joking. Fair enough. Why whatís going on? You got a man? Yeah. Who is he? A proper one? Well I just started going out with him but yeah. What if Iím guaranteed better in bed? No. Tantric sex? You ever have an *** for an hour in a row? Iíve had an *** but no not for an hour. Didnít think so. I can make that happen for you. Just putting that out there. Iím with my boyfriend, Iím sorry. Are you happy? Yeah. Scale of one to ten happiness? About eight or nine. See thereís some hesitation. Itís because I never get to see him, because Iím in London so much. Oh I see I see okay, fair enough. Alright then. Iím sorry. Well, I tried, youíre lovely though. Thank you! You made my day. Come on give me a little hug, so I can feel those *** pressed up against me. Do you do this quite a lot? A little bit yeah, only with the really fit girls so you should be, should be quite happy. I was going to get the tube but I donít know why everybodyís waiting. To be honest I just want to take your *** between my face and go... You canít. A itís a public place, B I have a boyfriend... Yeah but heís never going to know. He will. Heís not just here now is he? Is he a Police Officer? Huh? Is he a Police Officer? He wants to be actually. Donít worry though I would never do that without your permission. I like how youíre just... haha. I would never... I wasnít really! Iíll get the police. I was faking. Whereís the police right now? Well anyway look. Youíre lovely, and uh, itís been great to talk to you, and I wish, I hope- Iím just going to shake hands. Youíre going to shake my hand? And I want to say I wish all the girls I came up to were as cool as you, if they were, Iíd be getting so much sex, itíd be amazing. I would have so much sex if they were all like you but theyíre not, and uh. Iím sorry. Iíll see you again. If itís meant to be, weíll meet again. Okay. Where are you going now? Iím just going to go meet some friends. Go up to random people? I donít know I donít know ëcause Iíve met you now, to be honest all the other girls will seem a bit *** yeah. Thereís plenty more fish in the sea. Especially in London as well. Just grab my bum, do a little feel on my bum just for- No! Go talk to- thereís loads of girls in Topshop. Thatís quite a good idea actually. Donít take this the wrong way, but of all the women Iíve seen today, youíre just the most beautiful. Thank you! Youíre so hot, I just had to come over and tell you that. Thank you, but Iím late for work so- Only want to know one thing. Canít chat. Are you in a serious monogamous relationship? Monogamous I like that. Do you have a boyfriend, do you have a man? Yeah I have. Really? Whatís his name? Um, Clive. Damnit you said it fast enough where I donít think youíre making it up. Anyway, nice to meet you yeah? What was your name? Iím late for work! I just wanted to say- Go on go on. I will always love you. Osrine. You what? Osrine. Osrine? Are you happy? Am I happy? Yeah. Yeah reasonably happy. Ah see you looked away! Scale of one to ten, scale of one to ten happiness? You canít be happy in every relationship can you? Alright, just one ques- what do you mean of course you can! Thatís the whole point! No you canít! Alright. Is he taking good care of you, in the bedroom? Yeah. Nah see I donít believe anything youíre saying. Listen hereís what you should do ñ take my number, and when you decide that you want some good loving... Alright come on give me your number quickly. 0781... 40. And Iím Sasha. Sasha? Yep. Okay where you from? Canada. Have you heard of it? Say your name again Osrine? Osrine. Osrine that is a strange name. But I guarantee if you call me, have you ever had an *** for an hour in a row? No. Iíd like to make that happen for you. Thatís all Iíve got to say. Okay cool, cool. Think about it. Alright so what you doing here you not on holiday? I live here but Iím leaving the country in two weeks so itís only going to be strictly amazing sex for like a week or two. Youíre not very good at this are you? No. I trust you. I know. Ready? On three I want you to say ***. One, two, three, ***! Oh yeah. Well I got- you got a nice smile- I know thatís why I- look how happy you look. Oh that was awesome! Thank you so much. You have a funny accent itís like America French. Columbia. Are you from Columbia?? Yeah. E gusta mucha chicas de Columbia Ciao gracias! Hi! Hi. Donít take this the wrong way, but you are *** stunning. Thank you. Now listen, I have only one question for you. Yeah? Whoís the lucky guy? I do have a boyfriend. Ahhh. Every time, every time! Alright you donít have like a twin sister, how about - no. Nice to meet you, what was your name? Iím caught up. Wow. Nice to meet you, Kay. Just one thing though, Iím wondering, on a scale of one to ten, happiness scale, are you quite- Iím happy, yeah. Is he taking- We just moved in together. Definitely- ahhh. Is he taking good care of you in the bedroom? For sure? Yes for sure. You looked away just then! Alright. Nice to meet you! Hi. Hi! Donít panic, Iím not crazy. Okay. I just wanted to come over and say, you look amazing. Thank you. Donít hit me! Iím not going to hit you! Alright. Thatís really sweet. Thatís fine. So Iím going to assume you probably have like probably, you know like two, three boyfriends already, and like a rich guy over here, and like a guy you live with here, and then just, you know just- which is normal, for a girl like you sure. No. Just in case youíre looking for boyfriend number four, not exclusive obviously, thatíd be good. Iím okay thankyou. Aw. Youíre very sweet, thank you very much. Hang on a minute, you havenít touched the bicep! Go ahead. Touch it! Touch the bicep! Ahh, what do you think now? Youíre not so sure about your decision now are you? Where are you even from are you from here? Youíve never heard of it so, thereís no point in- No say. Weíre not going into that no. Say! Uh womwoma? Pardon? Womwoma? Itís like a little country, off the coast of Spain. It like a, youíve never heard of it yeah. No. But I went to an international school so I sound like I do, so thatís funny. Whatís your story? Do you have a man, is that what it is? Uh not really. Not really? I donít really know what to call him. So what youíre just having sex with some ...and itís pretty goo- youíre not even having sex?? No he doesnít live in the same place. Iíll be honest with you, it sounds like you really need my services. Thank you very much. Just... the information Iím getting so far. Iím okay, but thank you. Youíre not, obviously because youíre not getting laid. Some guy you like lives far away. Youíre just what youíre just sitting around at home, with some chocolates, and some tissues, and some Vaseline? Thatís no way to live! Itís fine. Iíll let you figure out in your own mind what the Vaseline and the chocolates and the tissues are for. Iím not going to go any further with that, but- whatís your name? Rachel. Hi; Iím Sasha. Nice to meet you. Youíre lovely, and what uh do you live in London? No. No, where do you live? Bournemouth. Oh *** hell, ew. That complicates things doesnít it? I know where it is, yeah. Even if we have an affair itís like you have to come here and I have to go there itís like youíve got to spend all that money on petrol... Yeah... Though if the sex is good, itís worth the petrol really isnít it, really. Yeah I suppose. Yeah yeah. Look, just one question then, whenís the last time you had like, mindblowing sex? Just tell me, come on, Iím a stranger, we can talk. Um I donít know, about four, five months ago? Four or five m- oh my god. Tell me thatís not the last time you got laid, please. Oh my god, listen, sweetie, this is not acceptable, I donít care what the situation is, youíre lovely, this is ridiculous, come on whatís going on, you must have guys chatting you up all the time. Not really. Maybe theyíre a bit, in Bournemouth theyíre a bit... you know, retarded so... Maybe. Thatís fair enough. So what do you do in Bournemouth then? I go to uni there. What are you going to be? Art school. Art school? Youíre going to be unemployed anyway. No point in even going is there? What do you do? Iím a struggling artist. Yeah? Yeah. Cool? I like to keep things as vague as possible, until I get to know people, you know how it is. How lo- how often are you in London? Um; not all that often actually. Iím just in for an exhibition. Okay. And when are you going back? Tonight. No itís my birthday tomorrow! I want to go home to my- Thatís the best birthday present ever! Like, tantric sex for hours! Multiple orgasms? Whatís better; that or like, a jumper? You know what I mean? Letís be honest. Iím okay. I can get you a jumper, but itís not as good, I donít want to be lame. I can tell you like me so letís do this. Weíll exchange numbers, next time youíre in London, give me a shout, weíll get a cup of coffee and see what happens. Or alternatively, if Iím up in your area, probably not going to happen to be honest, no need to go to Bournemouth but... Um okay. Yeah. Plus again, could be missing out on ñ go ahead, just to remind yourself. Touch it again, touch it. Thatís right. Alright show y- you got- put my number in your phone. This is really random. Oh itís yellow! Itís totally random and I know itís, itís like you know itís a bit w-weird but... what can I do youíre hot. I canít help myself. Okay you ready? Let me do it. Oh itís cute that font, look at that! Okay, uhh so what Iíll do is... What have you done? I tried to press the... Spell your name, because I canít spell. Not that hard to spell, Sasha is it? Okay, there you go. And enter, press enter. English, English. Cool and Iíll give me a missed call and then Iíll have your number. And we can... hook up Iíve got a- Iíve got a gold blackberry. Ohh pretty. Because Iím a gangster. Oh yeah there it is. Okay so, I need a nickname for you, let me think. I know what Iím going to call you, I know what Iím going to call you. How do you spell your name, first of all? Rachel. R-A-C- No, no. That- thatís the standard spelling. Iím going to call you badly... needs... sweet... loving. Thatís what Iím putting down. Come on! Four five months. Come on thatís pretty awful. Thanks. So listen, next time youíre in town, itís going to be me and you. Weíre going to have a good time weíre going to take you out, weíre going to do something fun, get some chow, and then, and then weíll just have to see how it goes after that. Okay. I like how in your eyes youíre like ìYes!î, and then youíre a little bit like ìWhat if heís a psycho killer?î Not a psycho killer I promise. Okay. Alright come on, give me some love.