I Treat My Animals like Royalty - Heavy petting with mike weaver

I'm your agents… Nephew! You're Burt's nephew. So you wanted to be an intern, right? Yes, very much. I just graduated film school, and I'm a big fan of your show. Randee Brando, actor. What is this? I had nothing to do with your hip dysplasia. Who are you? Are you a bodyguard? Salad for Eli. Oh, Frank, what are you doing here? Are you still Bunk's bodyguard? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. Maybe my existence is one of such profound and unyielding lonely depths that I just show up places in the hopes of making a human connection, so for one fleeting second I can just feel something. You ever run with the bulls? What is that like a euphemism? What? No. Have you been talking to Safari Steve? I'm not gay. Do your pants know that? I just came from yoga. I thought you said you weren't gay? Yoga is… Jesus H. William! How many cues you gonna miss? What's on second and who's on first. You smug rodent. Doctor Austria Leatherloft. But you knew that already, I presume. No. The famous animal psychotherapist. It's a wonderful sense of humor that endears you to your dozens of fans. The network is very concerned and has received many complaints about your treatment of your animal co-stars. What? That's ridiculous. I treat my animals like royalty. Stupid chickens. Stupid snake. You're so f****** aloof, Jermaine. It's gonna hold you back. I'd call those miscommunications. Funny thing about miscommunications, they can be cleared up instantly with the help of a security camera. The network takes these allegations very seriously, Mike. They've asked me to shadow you for several days to make sure that everyone is playing nice. Nobody wants to see you lose your job, Mike. Lose my job? Hey, hey, hey, it's Fat Albert. Of course, it's not Fat Albert, it's Randee Brando, actor. Listen there, purples, I couldn't help but overhear that you mentioned that you're some kind of famous, renowned animal psychotherapist. And celebrated mammalist. I like *** too. Listen, ol' RB with the double Es here just lucked out and signed on to play the role of Spencer Grundleson in the Beverly Hills Chihuahua saga. This straight to video classic is entitled Beverly Hills Chihuahua 5: Who Let the Dog Out? Singular. I was curious if perhaps I could soak up your oeuvre. I could lap up your creative juices. I could get a ride along, officer. You know, just even if I could shadow you for just a few days. It would be your great pleasure. I've enjoyed your work. So I'm being shadowed by a guy that's being shadowed by a guy? First lesson: Gain control. Gain control. Communication with the animal kingdom begins with the tactile. Tactile. My life has no greater value than yours, Bunk. You are my equal. Yes, Mike. Yes. When you call Jermaine complacent and self-righteous , Mike, he felt that you burst his trust bubble. His trust bubble? Honestly, that's f****** ridiculous. I understand. Walter, when I made that joke about you eating your own s***, I didn't realize that you actually ate your own s***. I'm sorry. So, I'm confused. Does doing yoga make you gay? Or does being gay make you wanna do yoga? Good morning, fellas. Morning, Mr. Weaver. Why are you whispering? I've brought us to this neutral space so that no one has territorial status over another. Now, Mike, even though you've made great strides in the last few days, the stories these animals are telling me are, to be blunt, horrifying. Horrifying. To that end, I am recommending to the network that you are to be replaced as soon as possible. I'm sorry, Mike. I'm sorry too. Thanks to you, I've learned about the importance of treating my animal co-stars well. Also, thanks to you, I've learned the importance of checking security footage. What do you mean? When I saw you and Bunk and Brando in that three way sandwich, I filed a report of my own. My pictures for your report? What am I doing here?