Mad About You S4E9 - English Transcript

* TELL ME WHY * * I LOVE YOU LIKE I DO * * TELL ME WHO * * CAN STOP MY HEART AS MUCH AS YOU * * LET'S TAKE EACH OTHER'S HAND * * AS WE JUMP INTO THE FINAL FRONTIER * * I'M MAD ABOUT YOU, BABY * * YEAH ** OOH, WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE? THAT'S LIKE-- THAT'S TOO BIG. THAT'S NOT BIG. HONEY, THIS IS ENORMOUS. IT'S LIKE HAVING A CLUB SANDWICH IN YOUR BACK POCKET. A WALLET'S A PERSONAL THING. IT'S GOT TO BE JUST RIGHT. YOU GO, BA, BA, BA, BA, BA. IT WORKS OR IT DOESN'T. AND THIS DOESN'T WORK? THIS WOULD BE LIKE BA, BA, BA, BA, BOOM! IT'S NO GOOD. COULD WE SEE THAT ONE, PLEASE? THE CALFSKIN OR THE EEL? THAT ONE. THE CALFSKIN. THANK YOU. I DON'T LIKE HER. THERE'S NO REASON YOU SHOULD. THIS ONE'S NOT BIG. IT'S NOT BIG, BUT IT'S CALFSKIN. SO? I DON'T KNOW. SEE, MY WALLET-- YOU'RE NOT KEEPING THAT OLD WALLET. WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH HATRED FOR MY WALLET? YOU'RE A GROWN MAN. YOU'RE NOT CARRYING A CANVAS WALLET WITH A VELCRO THINGY. WE'D LIKE TO SEE THIS ONE. IT'S THE SAME AS THE ONE YOU'RE HOLDING. NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME AS THAT ONE. SHE'D LIKE TO SEE IT. [SIGHS] THANK YOU. IT'S THE SAME THING. EXCUSE ME. I HAVE OTHER CUSTOMERS. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SO RUDE. MAYBE MEDICALLY SHE DOES. EXCUSE ME. WHAT? IS THERE A PROBLEM? UH, NO, MISS TEMPLE. VERY WELL, BRENDA. WHY DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FOR A WHILE? YES, MISS TEMPLE. [SINGSONG] BRENDA'S SCARED OF ME! I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE DAY OFF. THIS PLACE FALLS APART WITHOUT ME. ANDREW! SEE THAT? WE HAVE TO EXCHANGE THE WALLET. TOO BIG. ALL RIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? MY FRIEND RANDALL HAS BEEN DEPRESSED LATELY. HE HAS HAD SUCH A BAD YEAR. I'M TAKING HIM TO TIMES SQUARE TO WATCH THE BALL DROP. I'LL BE THERE. I'M FILMING THE GUYS WHO DROP THE BALL. WHAT GUYS? THE GUYS WHO PULL THE ACTUAL ROPE THAT MAKES THE BALL DROP. THE NEW YEAR'S EVE BALL-DROPPERS. IT'S NOT LIKE A MACHINE? NO. THE SAME TWO GUYS HAVE BEEN DOING IT WOW. THAT IS SO COOL. SEE? ASK HER WHAT SHE'S DOING. I'M GOING TO THE MAYOR'S BALL AT GRACIE MANSION. YOU'RE NOT SPENDING NEW YEAR'S EVE TOGETHER? WE TALKED ABOUT IT AND TALKED ABOUT IT AND TALKED ABOUT IT. COME WITH ME. THERE WILL BE OTHER MAYOR DINNERS. WHAT, THE GUY'S GOING TO STOP EATING? FRAN AND I HAVE TO BE THERE. THE MAYOR WILL BE THERE, CELEBRITIES. [SINGSONG] TOM BROKAW. TOM BROKAW'S GOING TO BE THERE? REALLY? 'CAUSE 9:30 THIS MORNING, HE WAS LIVE IN SYRIA. WHAT PLANE IS HE TAKING? I'M JUST SAYING MIDNIGHT, CHAMPAGNE, TOM BROKAW. I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. YOU KNOW WHO'S GOING TO BE AT MY THING? NOBODY. THAT'S IT. WINE, TWO TEAMSTERS, AND THOU. CAN'T THEY DO IT ANOTHER DAY? NEW YEAR'S EVE? NO. THEY'RE VERY STRICT ABOUT THAT. THEY DID IT ONCE IN AUGUST. SCREWED UP EVERYTHING. I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME. IF I COULD HOLD UP THE NEW YEAR AND STOP TIME, I WOULD DO IT FOR YOU. THANK YOU. ALL THE REALLY GOOD WALLETS ARE IN BACK. YOU WANT TO SEE THE BACK? SURE. YEAH. CAN'T! THANK YOU. NO, NO. DON'T THANK ME. NO. DON'T BE SILLY. IT'S WHAT I DO. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE WELCOME. GOODBYE. GOODBYE, NOW. YOU SEE THAT, FRAN? THAT'S LOVE. THAT'S APPRECIATION. THAT'S MY PAYMENT. I DON'T TAKE A PENNY FROM HER. HER HUSBAND OFFERS ME A GOAT, I ACCEPT IT. ANYWAY, SO. HOW ARE YOU? FINE. WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT YOU COULDN'T TELL ME ON THE PHONE? RIGHT. RYAN FORGOT THIS AT MY HOUSE. A HAT. YOU BROUGHT ME HERE FOR A HAT. YEAH. THANK YOU. THAT AND I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING. IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE. YEAH. WE HAVE SPENT EVERY NEW YEAR'S EVE TOGETHER SINCE WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER. EXCEPT THE LAST TWO. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I AM GOING TO THE MAYOR'S BALL WITH IRA. IRA IS WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. YEAH? WHAT ABOUT HIM? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE WHOLE THING-- I DON'T UNDERSTAND. ENOUGH WITH THE IRA ALREADY! WHERE IS IT GOING? DO YOU SLEEP WITH HIM? I KNOW, I KNOW. MARK! IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. IT IS A FRIENDSHIP OR SOMETHING. WHATEVER IT IS, I AM NOT DUMPING HIM ON NEW YEAR'S EVE. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT BECAUSE IT'S A NIGHT. IT'S AN EVE. IT'S NEW YEAR'S EVE! I'M ON CALL ANYWAY. YEAH. MAYBE WE'LL HAVE COFFEE NEXT WEEK. GREAT! WE COULD DO THAT. AND HAVE A GREAT TIME AT GRACIE MANSION. I UNDERSTAND THEY HAVE GREAT CHAIRS. WHAT CHAIRS? IN THE SITTING ROOM. VERY COMFORTABLE. QUEEN ANNE STYLE WITH A HIGH BACK. YOU SHOULD SIT IN ONE. I'LL TRY. O. K. HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU, HONEY. I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'VE BEEN CARRYING IN THIS WALLET. A SUDAFED FROM THE LATE EIGHTIES. REMEMBER THAT BEFORE THEY HAD THE NONDROWSY FORMULA? THROW IT OUT. I'M THROWING. CANADIAN MONEY. WHY DO THEY BOTHER? THROW IT OUT. REMEMBER THIS? "IDEA FOR A MOVIE. BUS CAN'T GO SLOWER THAN 55, OR IT EXPLODES. " IF YOU HAD CLEANED OUT YOUR WALLET EARLIER WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. LOOK AT THIS. TWO-FOR-ONE PASS PALISADES AMUSEMENT PARK. SWINGS ALL DAY AND AFTER DARK. NOT ANYMORE. HERE WE GO. UNOPENED *** FROM 1979. SWEETIE. YES, SIR? IT'S OVER. SEE? I THROW. I TOSS IT RIGHT OUT. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE OUTFIT. WHAT? HEY! WOW! LOOK AT YOU! WOW! YOU COULD, LIKE, STOP A CLOCK! ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAY WHEN SOMEONE DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD? THEN YOU'D MAKE A CLOCK GO FASTER. YOU'D HAVE SOME IMPACT ON A CLOCK. I'M NOT SURE WHAT. THANK YOU. DID IRA SAY WHEN HE'S PICKING UP FRAN? NO. I DON'T KNOW OR CARE. IRA'S PICKING UP FRAN. FRAN'S PICKING UP MARK. THIS ONE'S SLEEPING WITH THAT ONE, THAT ONE WITH THIS ONE. THIS ONE'S JUST TAKING A NAP. HE LIKES HER, BUT SHE DOESN'T LIKE HIM. SOON MARK AND IRA WILL BE PALS. SHE'LL BE OUT. I'M TIRED OF IT, AND FRANKLY, IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO ME? LOOK AT THIS. VELCRO STILL WORKS. NO, HEY, BABY, THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT. YEAH. IT'LL BE GREAT. THERE'S NO PLACE ELSE I'D RATHER BE. THE MAYOR'S BALL, WITH ALL THAT STUFF. YOU KNOW, IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D RATHER DO WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ANYTHING ELSE? WHAT ELSE COULD THERE BE? THERE'S NOTHING ELSE. THERE WAS THIS THING IN JERSEY-- GO! NO, IT'S NOTHING! IT'S-- HAVE A GREAT TIME. IT'S A SMALL GIG. A BAR BAND ON THE JERSEY SHORE WITH FRIENDS. IT SOUNDS TERRIFIC. REALLY? YOU'D BE O. K. WITH THAT? ABSOLUTELY. I'M GOING TO BE SCHMOOZING THE WHOLE NIGHT. IT'S BUSINESS. IT IS PURELY BUSINESS. BESIDES, I'M A SINGLE GIRL. I'LL BE FINE. YOU'LL CALL MARK. NO. I KNEW IT. I'M NOT. IT'S O. K. IT IS? FRANNIE YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU SHOULD. HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW YEAR. LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES. WE'LL HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE. ALL RIGHT. LOOK-- STEPHANIE POWERS FAN CLUB. I'VE HAD THIS SINCE FIFTH GRADE. EVER HEAR FROM HER? NO. THROW IT AWAY. HOW ABOUT THIS? WHAT? YOUR NUMBER FROM WHEN YOU FIRST GAVE IT TO ME. THAT'S SWEET. GET RID OF IT. THAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER. IT'S FROM FIVE APARTMENTS AGO. CALL THAT NUMBER NOW, YOU GET THE TIME. THIS IS THE FIRST THING YOU WROTE FOR ME. I STARED AT IT AND THOUGHT, "SHE MAKES 7s LIKE A FRENCH GIRL. " I EVEN MEMORIZED WHERE THE INK SKIPPED. IN THE HYPHEN. WOW! [DOORBELL BUZZES] SO I'M GOING TO THROW THIS OUT? YOU'RE NOT THROWING THAT OUT! SEE. YOU'RE NOT SO SMART. HEY, THERE. HEY, NAT. WOW, ARE YOU COIFED AND GARBED IN AN ATTRACTIVE FASHION. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HOW YA DOING THERE, NAT? HEY THERE, SIR. NO DISRESPECT, MR. BUCHMAN, BUT HOLY CATS! SHE'S GOING TO STOP TRAFFIC. TRAFFIC IS WHAT YOU STOP. YEAH. THERE HE IS. HEY THERE, SIR. SO, NAT, WHAT DO YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR TONIGHT? WELL, MRS. BUCHMAN-- AND ONCE AGAIN, WOW! I CHOOSE TO TREAT THIS NIGHT LIKE OTHER NIGHTS. SAY, A WEDNESDAY OR A MONDAY OR A TUESDAY-- TUESDAY, SURE. I NEVER PLACED MUCH EMPHASIS ON NEW YEAR'S EVE. OH! WITH THE EXCEPTION OF WATCHING *** CLARK'S NEW YEAR'S ROCKIN' EVE. THAT'S A PERENNIAL HOLIDAY FAVORITE OF MINE, AND YOURS, I HOPE. WE LIKE *** CLARK. THE AMAZING ASPECT ABOUT THAT MAN TO ME-- AND I'M AWARE THIS IS A CLICH�-- BUT HE STILL LOOKS FABULOUS. DOES HE NOT? HE LOOKS GREAT. HE'S A GOOD-LOOKING GUY. ANYWAY, HE'S ANXIOUS FOR HIS LAST WALK OF 1995, SO, IF I DON'T SEE YOU, HAVE A HEALTHY, HAPPY NEW YEAR. GOD BLESS US IN '96, HUH? COME ON, MURRAY TYLER MOORE. COME ON, THE *** MURRAY. COME ON, MURRAY THE K. HAVE FUN. I GOTTA GO, TOO. I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS SO LATE. THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'LL SEE YOU IN 1995. [MIMICKING NAT] YES, BUT I'LL SEE YOU PLENTY IN 1996, AND GOD BLESS. I MEAN THAT SINCERELY. WE'RE REALLY JUST GOING TO DO THIS. IT'S A ONE-SECOND HOLIDAY-- MIDNIGHT, THAT'S IT. WE HAVE EVERYTHING BEFORE IT AND EVERYTHING AFTERWARDS. YOU LIKE THAT? I DID. YOU CAN GET ANOTHER ONE AT MIDNIGHT. I TOOK A SHOT. ALL RIGHT. GOOD EVENING. I AM DALE BENDER, FILLING IN FOR AN AILING *** CLARK. BEAUTIFUL NIGHT HERE IN TIMES SQUARE. THE POLICE ESTIMATE THE CROWD TO BE ABOUT 500,000 PEOPLE, ALL GATHERED HERE TONIGHT TO RING IN THE NEW YEAR, 1996, TOGETHER. [CROWD CHEERING] ROBERT CLARY. ANOTHER "Y. " YAPHET KOTO. YAPHET KOTO? ROBERT CLARY. HEY! UH, I'M LOOKING FOR A BILL AND AN ERNEST. YEAH? PAUL BUCHMAN, FROM THE EXPLORER CHANNEL. OH, YEAH. YEAH. HAPPY NEW YEAR. HAPPY NEW YEAR. YEAH, RIGHT. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME FILM THE SHOW. IT'S EXCITING. OH YEAH, IT'S A REAL NAIL BITER. SO, UH, WHY DON'T WE GET STARTED, HUH? MAYBE YOU CAN TELL ME HOW YOU SET UP, THE READY-MAKING PROCESSALL THE DETAILS. I WANT TO GET SOME OF THAT. WE STAND BY THE ROPES. O. K. , GOOD, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S USABLE STUFF. LET ME ASK YOU GUYS, DO YOU WORK EVERY NEW YEAR'S EVE? YOUR WIVES MUST LOVE THAT, HUH? I KNOW IT'S BEEN ROUGH FOR ME. HOW DO YOU DO IT? DIVORCED. YEAH, WE'RE DIVORCED. I'LL LEAVE YOU GUYS ALONE. YOU DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO. PRETEND I'M NOT HERE. OMAR BRADLEY. ANOTHER FREAKIN' LIE. CAN I USE YOUR PHONE A SECOND? YEAH. LOVELY PARTY. WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU. THIS IS HELL. IF I HAVE TO TOAST ALTERNATE SIDE OF THE STREET PARKING AGAIN-- THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT WISHES YOU BOTH A HAPPY NEW YEAR. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I HAVE A TELEPHONE CALL FOR MISS JAMIE BUCHMAN. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JAMIE BUCHMAN. WELL, I HAVE A TELEPHONE CALL FOR YOU. I DON'T-- TELL HIM I SAID HAPPY NEW YEAR! [PARTY NOISES] HELLO? [SHOUTING] HEY, BABE! CAN YOU HEAR ME? WHAT? IT'S ME! HAPPY NEW YEAR, AND I LOVE YOU. AND I MISS YOU. I CAN'T HEAR YOU! PAUL? IT'S ME! HAPPY NEW YEAR! AND I LOVE YOU! AND I MISS YOU! WHAT? WHAT? WHAT! WHAT DID YOU SAY? I--HONEY, I GOTTA GO. PAUL, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME [DIAL TONE] YOU CAN'T HEAR ME. WHATEVER. EXCUSE ME. OHH! SORRY. I GOTTA GO. YOU CAN'T GO! IF I LEAVE NOW, I'LL GET THERE BY MIDNIGHT. IF YOU GO, I GO. I'M GETTING THE COATS. MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE? MR. BROCKWELL-- COME ON. [SIGHS] O. K. SAX PLAYERS REALLY TURN ME ON. FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO FORWARD. DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THAT WHICH IS NOT A CRIME. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN KENNY G? HAVE I EVER SEEN HIM? HE HAPPENS TO BE A VERY GOOD FRIEND. I CALL HIM "KENNY. " REALLY? YEAH. I ONCE HEARD HIM HOLD A NOTE FOR TWO SOLID MINUTES. IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. I CAN DO THAT. [CROWD CHEERS] THIS IS REALLY GREAT. THIS IS GOING TO CHANGE YOUR WHOLE ATTITUDE AND BRING YOU OUT OF THE DUMPS. I'M NOT FEELING THAT BAD. RANDALL, COME ON. COME ON, IT'S ME. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. I KNOW WHAT KIND OF YEAR YOU HAD. ACTUALLY, I'M DOING FINE. RANDALL, PLEASE. LEARN TO LET GO, O. K. ? YOU GOT TO SAY GOODBYE TO '95 AND HELLO TO '96. '95 WAS REALLY O. K. RANDALL! [BARRY WHITE MUSIC PLAYS] BOY, BARRY WHITE DIDN'T WRITE SHORT SONGS. YOU GET YOUR MONEY'S WORTH. YEAH. JAMIE, I'VE WANTED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING FOR QUITE A WHILE. YES? FRANKLY, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS THE CHAMPAGNE TALKING, OR THE MARTINIS, OR THE SLICE OF RUMCAKE I SHARED EARLIER. I WANT SOMETHING. AND, I WANT IT VERY BADLY. OH, LORDY. THIS IS HARD. I'VE NEVER SAID THIS ALOUD BEFORE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD SAVE IT FOR ANOTHER TIME. NO, DAMN IT. I'M SAYING THIS! I WANT TO BE MAYOR SOMEDAY SOON. AND I BELIEVE THAT BUCHMAN AND DEVENOW CAN HELP ME. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RUN A CAMPAIGN? I WOULD. I REALLY, REALLY WOULD. CAN I CUT IN? YES, YOU MAY. WHAT DID HE WANT? TELL YOU MONDAY. WELL, ARE WE GOING TO DANCE OR WHAT? [CHEERING IN BACKGROUND] AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT, WE WENT TO, UH, THE PLACE IN THE BERKSHIRES WITH CLASSICAL MUSIC TANGLEWOOD! WE WENT TO TANGLEWOOD, AND THE YEAR BEFORE THAT WE WENT TO BOCA. YANNI. YANNI? WHO THE HELL'S YANNI? HOW ARE YOU FEELING, MRS. VELASQUEZ? DOCTOR, I CAN REALLY FEEL IT NOW. I THINK HE'S COMING. I'M THE LAST PERSON TO TELL SOMEONE HOW TO LIVE, BUT IF YOU HOLD IT A COUPLE MORE MINUTES, WE CAN HAVE THE FIRST BABY BORN IN THE NEW YEAR! NOW WOULDN'T THAT BE SOMETHING? AAAH! EITHER WAY IS FINE. EITHER WAY. SHE'S VERY CLOSE. FRAN! MARK-- NO, DON'T HUG ME. I'M DRENCHED, BUT THRILLED TO SEE YOU. IT'S A MADHOUSE. WE'RE SHORT STAFFED. OH! HOW CAN I HELP? WELL, IN A FEW MINUTES WE MAY HAVE THE FIRST BABY BORN IN 1996. I'M NOT KIDDING! HE'S COMING! NO, HE'S NOT READY. TRUST ME. [SHOUTING] HANG IN THERE, JOAQUIM! I PICKED ONE-- IT'S A NAME-- [SCREAMS] JOAQUIM! THIS IS DR. DEVENOW! HANG IN THERE! OW! OW! YOU'RE DOING FINE. SO THIS IS THE WALLET SHE GOT ME. ISN'T THAT SOMETHING? YEAH, GREAT. IT'S SHOWTIME. YOU'RE KIDDING. OH! I WANTED TO GET A REHEARSAL! SO, WE'LL JUST WING IT. YEAH, YEAH. WE'RE ABOUT A MINUTE AWAY. THE BALL SHOULD START MOVING ANY SECOND NOW. THERE IT GOES! [CROWD CHEERS] IN 58 SECONDS WE WILL BE CELEBRATING THE BEGINNING OF 1996. IT WON'T BE LONG NOW. COME ON, RANDALL, ADMIT IT. YOU HAD A LOUSY YEAR, A ROTTEN YEAR. ALL RIGHT. O. K. , GOOD. IN 30 SECONDS, IT'S ALL GOING TO BE OVER, O. K. ? YOU CAN PUT THEN CAN WE GO HOME? HOME? WHAT'S THE RUSH? COME ON, A GREAT YEAR. CAN'T YOU FEEL IT? YES, I CAN FEEL IT, VERY MUCH SO. THE CROWD IS STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT. IT'S NO BIG DEAL. WE'RE TRAPPED, AREN'T WE? NO. WE COULDN'T GET OUT IF WE WANTED TO. WE COULD LEAVE. [SHOUTING] NO, WE CAN'T! I'M TRAPPED IN TIMES SQUARE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE! I'M HAVING AN ANXIETY ATTACK! BREATHE, RANDALL, BREATHE! QUIET! THANK YOU. BREATHE. BREATHE! BREATHE! COME ON, BABY! COME ON, JOAQUIM! PUSH, MRS. VELASQUEZ! I AM! PUSH! PUSH! [SCREAMING] PULL! ERNEST, I NEED YOU IN A LITTLE CLOSER. N-NO, BILL, COME ON IN. I'M LOSING YOU, TOO. SWING AROUND HERE. SWING AROUND TO THE LEFT. WHICH WAY? TO THE LEFT. CAMERA LEFT. YOU KNOW, JUST STEP OVER THE PULLEY. [CROWD] WAIT! THE PULLEY LINE! IT'S GOING TO SLIP! BALL'S GONNA GET STUCK! IT WON'T GET STUCK! [CROWD] IT'S STUCK. WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? [CROWD] 3, 3, 3 WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO? SOMETHING SEEMS TO BE AMISS. SOMETHING IS WRONG. THE BALL HAS STOPPED AT THREE. THE BALL IS FROZEN AT THREE. THE CROWD IS CHANTING, "3. " LISTEN. OH, SURE! THE ONE YEAR I DECIDE TO STAY HOME! [CROWD] [DISTORTED] [SLOWING] [BODY THUDS] IT'S NEVER GOING TO END! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! OH, MY GOD! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE WITNESSING THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENT IN TELEVISION HISTORY. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? HERE COMES THE HEAD. GET BACK! GET BACK! IS THIS OFFICIAL? DOES THE BALL HAVE TO DROP? I BET IT'S A BOY! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A CHICKEN! JUST GET IT THE HELL OUT OF ME! IS IT MIDNIGHT? CAN SOMEONE GET AN OFFICIAL READING? THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME MALFUNCTION. THE BALL SEEMS TO BE MALFUNCTIONING. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. THE CROWD, CONFUSED AND EXCITED, ARE AT ONCE CONTINUING TO CHANT, "3, 3, 3. " TIME HAS APPARENTLY STOPPED. TIME IS STANDING STILL! I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! OH, THE HUMANITY! SLIDE IT! DON'T FORCE IT! SLIDE IT! HEY! YOU'RE HERE! I'M HERE! COME HERE! THERE IT GOES! [CHEERING] [IRA MOANING] ARE--ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? UH, I'MI'M I'M BETTER. I'M BETTER. YOU DID IT, JOAQUIM. YOU DID IT, MUCHACHO. FIRST BABY BORN IN 1996. OOH SODID YOU SIT IN THE CHAIRS? HEY, LOOK, YOU MADE IT! YOU MADE IT, RANDALL! RANDALL? RANDALL! RANDALL! OH RAN-DALL! [CROWD SINGS AULD LANG SYNE] RAN-DALL! RAN-DALL! THAT'S SWEET, HUH? YEAH. WHAT DO YOU THINK? HOOKERS? SURE. ONE-SECOND HOLIDAY! WELL, GIVE OR TAKE, GIVE OR TAKE. FINALLY, WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A HAPPY NEW YEAR, 1996. A LITTLE LATE, BUT 1996 HAS BEGUN. HAPPY NEW YEAR. I'M DEFINITELY WORKING NEXT NEW YEAR'S. [WOMAN] OKAY. YOU SAID TAKE THE NIGHT OFF. SEE WHAT HAPPENED? [WOMAN] I SAW. THE PLACE FELL APART WITHOUT ME! [WOMAN] SO YOU WORK NEXT NEW YEAR'S EVE. DEFINITELY. I'LL WORK NEXT NEW YEAR'S EVE. AND CHRISTMAS! I'M DEFINITELY GOING TO WORK CHRISTMAS. NO PROBLEM, DEAR. PROBABLY THANKSGIVING. WHATEVER YOU SAY, DEAR. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? AND I'M GOING TO BRING BACK AMERICAN BANDSTAND. O. K. ! ON OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. THAT'S FINE. I'M WORKING ON OUR ANNIVERSARY, AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME, UNDERSTAND? I UNDERSTAND. I'M GOING IN EARLY, HELP THEM SET UP.