Darth Vader is Coming to America

I am King Jaffe Joffer ruler of Zamunda! I have come for my son Akeem. You are not Akeem. And who are you? I shall deal with him myself. AH-HA!! I'm talking to my son. WHAT IS THIS!? Your only job was to look at the Waldorf-Astoria. You have disgraced yourself, and you must be punished. We're on a diplomatic mission... Is something troubling you my son? There's a very fine line between love and nausia. AH-HA!! Let's go for a stroll. AH-HA!! Darth Vader... Only you could be so bold. The imperial senate will not sit still for this. When they do you attacked. I know you have been inconvenienced and I'm prepared to compensate you. Shall we say $1 million american dollars? Very well then; $2 million. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a member at the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan... ANYONE WHO THROWS ROSES AT MY SONS FEET WILL ANSWER TO ME! Holding her is dangerous. If word of this gets out, it could generate sympathy for the rebellion in the senate. You told me my son was here? Where is your daughter? I must speak to her at once. She'll die before she'll tel you anything. I know you have been inconvenienced and I'm prepared to compensate you. Shall we say $1 million american dollars? AH HA!!! The battle station plans are not aboard this ship. AND!? ...no transmission were made. AND!? ...an escape pod was jettisoned during the fight... AND!? ...no life forms were onboard. So that's it. You've grown a mustache! I'm more than the exalted ruler of this land and the master of all I survey... ...I'm also a concerned dad. The regional governors now have direct control over their territories. AH! So that's it. Fear will keep the local systems in line. AH-HA!!! Fear of this battle station. And what of the rebellion? If the rebels have obtained a complete technical readout... ...of this station it is possible however unlikely, they might will find a weakness... ...and exploit it. I know you have been inconvenienced and I'm prepared to compensate you... Any attack made by the rebels against this station would be useless gesture... ...no matter what technical data they've obtained. AND!? This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. AND!? I suggest we use it. I must admit, I was frightened to. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience. Don't try to scare us with your sourcerors ways Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes. Or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebels hidden... I know we've never had a talk about this but, we've gone to a great deal of trouble... ...to select for you a very fine wife. It is normal to feel anxiety about meeting your queen. Enough of this! Vader, release him! LET THEM WAIT! This bickering is pointless. Oh, come now. Lord Vader will provide us with the location the rebel fortress by the time this station is operational. I told you not to worry. We will then crush the rebellion with one swift stroke. AH-HA!!! Sir, we have a priority signal from the Star Destroyer Avenger. I am King Jaffe Joffer ruler of Zamunda! FROM THIS DAY FORTH: ANYONE WHO THROWS ROSES AT MY SONS FEET WILL ANSWER TO ME! I'm also a concerned dad. AH-HA!! You've grown a mustache. Let's go for a stroll. You'll confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria. And see to it that you put on some decent attire. Lord Vader. What about Leia and the wookie? I want you to bathe them thoroughly. That was never a condition of our agreement, nor was giving Han to this bounty hunter! I know you have been inconvenienced and I'm prepared to compensate you. Shall we say $1 million american dollars? No Very well then; $2 million. I'm staying at the Waldorf-Astoria. This deal is getting worse all the time. AH-HA!! This is the rebel that surrendered to us. AND?! Although he denies it, I believe there may be more. AND!? And I request permission to conduct further search of the area. AND!? And he was armed only with this. What is this? I know you have been inconvenienced... ...and I'm prepared to compensate you. Shall we say $1 million american dollars? Very well then; $2 million. Yes, my Lord. Let's go for a stroll. You are a prince who has never tied his shoes. I know father. I tied my own shoes once. It is an overrated experience. I've accepted the truth that you were once Anakin Skywalker, my father. AH-HA!! I am King Jaffe Joffer ruler of Zamunda! It is the name of your true self, you've only forgotten. AND!? I know there's good in you. AND!? The emperor hasn't driven it from you fully. Aahh! So you want to sow your royal oats!? That's why you couldn't destroy me... Pardon me? That's why you won't bring me to your emperor now. So that's it. There's a very fine line between love and nausia. AH-HA!! Son, I know we've never had a talk about this but... ...I always assumed that you had sex with your bathers. I know I do. ; ) Then it is settled. Get out! See the world! Enjoy yourself! Fulfill every *** desire and in forty days... ...you'll come back and marry you Imani. It is settled. Come with me. Nonsense. I will do no such thing. Prepare the royal baggage! My son is going on a trip. I will not turn and you'll be forced to kill me. AH-HA!! Nonsense! Search your feelings father. You can't do this. I feel the conflict within you. Let go of your hate! I must admit, I was frightened to. We've gone to a great deal of trouble to select for you a very fine wife. It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed... ...and now you're a man who's about to get married. She will give you much pleasure, don't you think? ;) Then my father is truly dead. AH-HA!!!