Game Program Attack! - Chaos fyre rpg - Ep #2

[Cyborg:] Oy, eat my face beams! Yeah! [Princess:] Fish princess cast Sparkle! It's super effective! [Native:] They fought bravely. And with honor. Oh! Rupees! [Mage:] Behold yonder pedestal! Is that not the orb of Antique Beer? Could it be the endeth of our quest is at our fingertips? [Princess:] I did it, yay! I win! Yaay! [Native:] Finally, we can take Orb to Forge of Destiny and smash it once and for all. [Cyborg:] Wait, did you say smash it? No way, ya bloody twonk. We're supposed to use it to defeat the dark lord of T'caithra! [Mage:] No nononono. I'm pretty sure we're supposed to taketh the orb to the High King Etherion, who shall grant us wishes. [Princess:] I just want to put it in my mouth. [Cyborg:] To be honest, I've been kinda confused from the beginning. [Native:] Enough. I will get Orb myself. Oh god. Moat is made of acid! It burns like a thousand suns! (gasping) [Mage:] Did he just get eaten? [Princess:] Noo, he was my lover! I loved him! [Cyborg:] What are those things? [Mage:] I'm looking, I'm looking! Oh-no, oh. Ooh. [Cyborg:] What's it say? [Mage:] The Orb is guarded by an acid moat of hyper-speed octosharks and the only way to cross is with the guidance of the two pig guardians sent to aid any who seek the Orb. [Cyborg:] That must be what "No, please don't kill us, we're good guys" meant. [Mage:] Wait, there's more! It sayeth we have to use the item given to us by the shaman of Dimworld Keep! [Cyborg:] There are twelve keeps in Dimworld alone! [Mage:] Let's just useth the process of eliminationeth. Openeth the inventory! Is it... Is it working? [Cyborg:] No! Stop. Inventory is here, it's like this! Wait. That's not right. How about like... this? [Princess:] Yay! Dancing! [Mage:] Wait, how did SHE do that? [Princess:] I found a thing and it's pretty. Oh, my. I feel like I could touch the clouds and man, everything's going so fast I feel like - Let's go clubbing you guys, I could pop and lock all night! [Mage:] Fish Princess, put down the Belt of Amphetamine! [Princess:] Woohoohoo! [Mage:] Give me that! What do you think this is, some sort of game? [Princess:] Awww. If my suspicions prove true, I must use the Belt of Amphetamine with the Amulet of Charisma we haveth here. With the Amulet's seductive powers, I shall charm the octo-sharks just long enough to crosseth unharmed. Yes? What is it, Cyberpunk Cyborg? Is there something wrong? [Cyborg:] I... I want you so bad right now. [Mage:] No no, Cyborg. That's the charisma amulet talking. [Cyborg:] I don't care. Your musty robes. Your sweaty battle stink. I want it all over me. This is real! [Mage:] I had no idea you felt this way. Maybe... no. [Princess:] Heyy, gay stuff. [Mage:] *ahem* Crossing the moat now. Harken me, o acid sharks! Fall under my spell of seduction! I am in complete control - [Cyborg:] Oh, that's nasty! [Princess:] Noo, I loved him! [Cyborg:] These sharks are ridiculous! I don't care what the stupid scroll says. I'm using the Badass Flaming Skull Hat and getting that bloody orb. You sharks are dead, ya hear me? Flaming Skull Hat, activate! Aaaaaaaagh! Oh my god my head's on fire! Someone please help me! [Princess:] I'll check the inventory! The only thing left is this shark repellant. [Cyborg:] The fire's in my brain! *gargling* [Princess:] Sparkle power! [Cyborg:] My god my limbs are melting agharglghrgh (Victory music!)