Smokers - Episodio zero

At least I can breathe out here... Sergio! You really don't want to join us, inside, don't you? Would you please let me smoke my last cigarette, before my execution? Execution? Look: it's your graduation party and we're all here for you! Yeah, sure, my degree... Well, look on the bright side: you'll help a lot of people! I'm a statistics graduate, Max. Who could I ever help? Well, let's say there is a depressed friend of yours because her girlfriend is breaking up with him: you could say him there's a really low chance she's dating someone else. So, what should I say to him? Should I stress on the fact that 64% of women don't give a damn about keeping their marriage vow? Should I tell him that half of them, over 50, would rather sleep with a gardener or a bricklayer? See, that's what I meant! Now you've given me... I don't know, maybe 25 years of advantage in the divorce rush. You know what? Tomorrow, I'm gonna buy a workbench! So you'll finally set up the curtains in your mother's living room. You can mock me as long as you want, but you'll never fit in with the market! Yes! The "Slutty Drapery Market"... are you kidding me? Exactly... EXACTLY! Wherever the sun will shine without any screen, wherever a spring barrel won't be covered by its hood, wherever a woman will need spotless, snow-white fabric for her gazebos... I'll be there! I'll be... ...THE MAMA'S BOY! See? You just want to get laid! At least you'll help to reduce the number of unemployed workers from 79,000 to 78,999... And I also just created a new kind of job: the paper-hanging paramour! You say they will accept that at the hiring hall? Come on, Sergio! Nowadays even prostitutes pay taxes! So you'll ask every mom to pay social security contributions for you? Why not? That's the least they could do, after all the jobs I've worked off the books... If everyone were so optimistic as yourself, the unemployment rate wouldn't be 29.6% Probably, it would be even higher... That's not work, Max, that's just sex! That's why you'd be so eager to work! It's obvious! So what? I'd like that job! That's the point! Let's say you go to a pizzeria because you want a calzone: what do you do? Well, I order a calzone! Let's say they're out of salami... I order a calzone without salami... Well, there's no ricotta cheese, as well. Just ham and mozzarella. That's the last one and the mayor has already ordered it. Nevermind, I'll have a pizza with salt and tomatoes... Just let me eat already! You've said yourself: how do you call that? [COMPROMISE] Yes, but what about the salami? Max, you eat salami because you can't find a job as a statistician! If you really wanted to be a paperhanger, you should have begun much earlier! In this way you'd satisfy only old women and nymphomaniacs, but would YOU be satisfied? It's statistics, Max... Let's say... you put a pizza on a cat and you throw it out the window... Ah! I know! I know that one! It will always land with the pizza side down! Max, you just can't put a pizza on a cat. Statistics, huh? Subs: Enrico Coppola