Plastic Bottles Mean Free Health Care!

My fellow citizens, this is Larry Dimples. And I'm here representing on behalf of my colleagues, and your friends, the bottled water industry. There's been a lot of trash talk aimed at our industry's esteemed leadership. They lie. They lie! So we are here today to set the record straight. As we struggle to bring about social change we must, unfortunately, confront industry competitors like Cuisinart who are marketing products like the CleanWater Countertop Filtration System They are attempting to make bottled water obsolete, and drown social progress. (Boom!) We are going to demonstrate the numerous ways plastic bottles are creating jobs, and saving the planet from destruction. Just think that some day this may save social security! Plastic bottles means free health care! I feel better already! Hearing enhancements. I can hear the ocean! Plastic pet caskets. Now you may rest in peace knowing that your animal's remains will be preserved for all eternity. What better way to bring about world peace than through the unifying power of music? (Flute music) As you know, cities like New York and Tokyo are ticking timebombs of urban decay, and population density. And what have the geniuses in our industry done to confront this huge social challenge? They have engineered plastic bottle flotillas to extend the land masses in these overpoulated habitats, so that new homes and schools can be made available to every man, woman, and child. Now my fellow citizens, plastic means that our children's children may never, ever, utter the word homeless. Now that's awesome! I will say to the naysayers, who have villainized the bottled water industry that plastic is not evil, but rather it's the love of plastic that's evil. What is this?!