Everything Put Together Falls Apart

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) AND CUT ON REHEARSAL. HERE YOU GO. OH, YOU'RE A BLOODY LIFESAVER. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S YOUR FOURTH ONE TODAY. I'M THINKING OF STAGING AN INTERVENTION. EVER SINCE A CERTAIN IDIOT ASSISTANT CONVINCED ME TO QUIT SMOKING, I'VE TURNED INTO SOME SORT OF CYBORG-LIKE EATING MACHINE. UH, I DON'T KNOW, THIS ISN'T NICOTINE-JONES-TODD, THIS IS MORE LIKE NERVOUS-TODD. NERVOUS-TODD? ONE OF THE MANY FACES OF TODD. THERE'S DRUNK- AND-BELLIGERENT-TODD, THERE'S SOBER- AND-BELLIGERENT-TODD, THERE'S CREEPY/***-TODD. THE RAREST OF THEM ALL IS SWEET-TODD, BUT THAT'S USUALLY ACCOMPANIED BY HIDDEN-AGENDA-TODD. THANKS FOR THE ABUSE, MATE. TRULY. SPOT-ON. YOU KNOW... I FIND IT DEPRESSING THAT EVEN YOU ARE THROWN INTO A TIZZY JUST 'CAUSE SOME GUY IS COMING TO SHOOT A CAMEO. I SEEM TO REMEMBER A CERTAIN ASSISTANT GETTING ALL HOT AND BOTHERED SIMPLY TRANSFERRING A CALL FROM A... MR. SPIELBERG. OK, THAT WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. SPIELBERG IS A CINEMA GOD. MAX WINTER IS JUST SOME LAME MOVIE STAR. YEAH, WELL, THAT SO-CALLED LAME MOVIE STAR COULD DO FOR THIS PROJECT WHAT JANET LEIGH DID FOR PSYCHO OR DREW BARRYMORE DID FOR SCREAM. D-DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE WENT THROUGH TO BOOK HIM, DAWSON? WE'RE EXTREMELY LUCKY IT WORKED OUT, MATE. TODD CARR, YOU FREAKIN' GENIUS! I FINALLY GET TO WORK WITH YOU, AND I GET KILLED OFF IN THE FIRST 15 MINUTES? FEAR NOT, ME OL' MOCKER, WE'RE BRINGING YOU BACK IN THE SEQUEL AS A FLESH-EATING ZOMBIE. SOUNDS GREAT, BUT WE GOTTA WORK AROUND SPIELBERG. INDEED. INDEED. HI. I'M MAX. HI. DAWSON, TODD'S ASSISTANT. YOU--YOU'RE REALLY GONNA WORK WITH SPIELBERG? YEAH, WE FINALLY WORKED OUT OUR SCHEDULES FOR THIS PROJECT. SO, AFTER WE SHOOT, YOU GUYS GOTTA SHOW ME WHERE TO HAVE SOME FUN AROUND HERE. WHAT DO YOU SAY, DAWSON? SURE. AND, UH, AS FOR MY CO-STAR? THE LOVELY NATASHA. YES. I WILL DEFINITELY NEED A WORD WITH HER. I ALWAYS LIKE TO, UH, GET TO KNOW WHOEVER I'M WORKING WITH. (CHUCKLES) HEY. HEY. DID YOU JUST GET HERE? YEAH, 10 MINUTES AGO. I DIDN'T WANNA DISTURB YOUR STUDYING. OH, YOU COULDN'T DISTURB ME ANY MORE THAN THIS STUPID SONG. COULD YOU PLEASE KILL WHOEVER PUT THIS ON THE JUKEBOX? THAT WOULD BE ME. OH. SORRY. IT-IT'S JUST I'M TRYING TO STUDY, AND IT'S MY LAST FINAL, AND IT'S FOR HETSON'S CLASS, SO, OF COURSE, THERE'S A LOT OF GROUND TO COVER, AND I WANNA DO REALLY WELL, YOU KNOW, AND IT'S-- IT'S THIS SONG. I-- SO, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STUDY AT THE LIBRARY? I TRIED. IT'S PACKED. THERE ARE PEOPLE SITTING ON THE FLOOR IN THE BATHROOM OF THE LIBRARY. WHAT ABOUT THE DORM? TOO MANY PARTIES. MOST PEOPLE ARE DONE WITH FINALS. WHEN I LEFT, THEY WERE HAVING A NAKED SLIPPY-SLIDE DOWN THE HALL. MMM. MMM. HA HA. MMM. HA HA. WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU COULD, YOU COULD GO TO MY PLACE. WELL, WELL, WELL. SOUNDS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A LAME ATTEMPT TO GET ME INTO YOUR BED, MR. DOLING. WELL, YOU MAY GET IN MY BED, IF YOU PLEASE, MS. POTTER, BUT UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, I'LL BE HERE. I WORK TILL CLOSE. BUT YOU CAN STUDY AS LONG AS YOU WANT AND JUST LEAVE THE KEYS UNDER THE MAT WHEN YOU GO. YOU ARE AMAZING. WELL, YOU KNOW. THE BEST. KEYS. THANK YOU. THE BEST. HAVE FUN. (UNDER HER BREATH) STUPID MALE FLATMATE. BUGGERY WUGGERY WANKERY-- EMMA. THERE YOU ARE. WOW. MAY I SAY THAT YOU ARE LOOKING RAVISHING TODAY? AND YET I CAN'T EVEN SEE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE SO TRANSPARENT. WHAT DO YOU WANT, PACEY? VERY INTUITIVE OF YOU. I DO ACTUALLY NEED A SMALL FAVOR. OK, BUT FIRST I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU AS I SIT HERE SCRUBBING UP OUR COLLECTIVE FILTH. SHOOT. HAVE YOU EVER EVEN HEARD OF A TOILET BRUSH? YES. IT'S THE LITTLE BRUSH YOU'RE USING TO CLEAN THE TOILET. OOH! OW, HA HA, OK. ALL RIGHT, I--I DESERVE THAT. THAT'S FINE. AND THAT FAVOR I WAS ASKING FOR, IT'S NOT REALLY A FAVOR SO MUCH. IT'S REALLY, UH, IT'S LIKE A PROPOSITION, WHICH, I THINK YOU'LL HAVE TO AGREE WITH ME, IS A FAR MORE ENTICING WORD. SPARE ME THE SALES PITCH, PACEY, AND GET ON WITH IT. I HAVE BAND PRACTICE IN AN HOUR. WELL, TO OUTFIT YOURSELF FOR SAID PROPOSITION, WHICH YOU HAVE YET TO HEAR THE DAZZLING DETAILS OF, YOU WILL BE NEEDING A NEW DRESS, AND I AM WILLING TO TAKE YOU TO A HOUSE OF HIGH FASHION AND BUY YOU SAID NEW DRESS, WHICH WILL BECOME YOUR FAVORITE DRESS. IT WILL, IN FACT, BECOME YOUR HEAD-TURNING DRESS, AND IT WILL ONLY BE COMPLETE WHEN IT IS FILLED OUT, BY YOU, TOMORROW NIGHT AT MY BIG OFFICE PARTY. NO. SEE, SITTING IN A FLUORESCENT-LIT OFFICE WITH A BUNCH OF DEPRESSING, UPTIGHT SUITS GETTING DRUNK AND PRETENDING TO BE MERRY UNTIL ONE OF THEM GROPES ME IN THE COPY ROOM SOUNDS LIKE A LOAD OF SOMETHING, PACEY, BUT IT'S CERTAINLY NOT FUN. IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE MY GUESS THAT THEY'LL TURN OFF THE FLUORESCENT LIGHTS AND GO WITH THOSE TWINKLY LITTLE STRING LIGHTS 'CAUSE THEY'RE CHEERY AND IT'S A HOLIDAY PARTY. AND YET MY ANSWER IS STILL NO. OK, FINE. I'LL PAY YOU 25 BUCKS. SO NOW I'M A ***? (LAUGHS) NO, OF COURSE NOT. I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL. I WILL CLEAN THIS BATHROOM AND WASH THOSE DISHES FOR 2 WEEKS. 6 MONTHS! WHAT?! (SCOFFS) ONE MONTH. 2 MONTHS OR NO DEAL. OH, YEAH. YOU'RE TRYIN' TO PLAY HARDBALL. UH-UH. (MUMBLING) OK, FINE! DEAL! (LAUGHS) ALL RIGHT, WELL, I AM GONNA GO TO BAND PRACTICE. I'LL BE BACK LATER SO YOU CAN BUY ME MY NEW DRESS. SEE YA LATER. OH, MY GOD. I'M GONNA MEET MAX WINTER! I'M GONNA ACT WITH MAX WINTER. HE'S GOT A LOT OF HAIR, THAT GUY. I'M GONNA KISS MAX WINTER. (KNOCK ON DOOR) AH. HI. I'M MAX. UH-HUH. I BELIEVE WE'RE GONNA BE WORKING TOGETHER. UH-HUH. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO RUN SOME LINES. UH-HUH. COOL. OH, HELLO AGAIN. HEY, MAX. HEY, IF I'M INTERRUPTING YOU GUYS, I-- NO. SIT. RUN LINES. GREAT. AHEM. "THERE'S A KILLER ON THE LOOSE IN THIS CITY, BABY. "STREETS AREN'T SAFE FOR A GIRL LIKE YOU." "I'M ALL WOMAN AND NOBODY'S BABY." HEY. UM... WOULD YOU MIND LEAVING US ALONE? YOU SEE, WHEN I'M REHEARSING, I--I FEEL REALLY... VULNERABLE. RIGHT, OF COURSE, I'LL--I'LL LEAVE YOU GUYS ALONE. Max: THANKS. DAWSON, RIGHT? RIGHT. THANKS, DAWSON. WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE? (LAUGHS) THAT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING MY GRANDMOTHER WOULD WEAR. IT'S SLIT HALFWAY UP THE THIGH! WHAT CAN I SAY? MY GRAN'S A SEXY LADY. ALL RIGHT, LOOK, WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR OVER AN HOUR. WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST TRY ON ONE? I JUST DON'T SEE WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY REGULAR CLOTHES. YOUR REGULAR CLOTHES ARE HELD TOGETHER WITH SAFETY PINS. I'M CULTIVATING A LOOK. IT'S CALLED INDIVIDUALITY. EVER HEARD OF IT? AND THIS IS CALLED I'M BUYING YOU A FREE DRESS, SO STOP COMPLAINING. YOU EVER HEARD OF THAT? NOW, JUST TRY THESE ON, PLEASE. THANK YOU. (EMMA GROANS) Emma: I JUST--I DON'T SEE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS ABOUT SOME LITTLE OFFICE PARTY. YOU KNOW, THERE'S ACTUALLY A SMALL CONFESSION I SHOULD PROBABLY MAKE ABOUT THIS LITTLE OFFICE PARTY. 'CAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR AVERAGE TYPICAL OFFICE PARTY. IT'S MORE OF A, UH, S-- A WHAT? DAMN. I KNOW. I LOOK RIDICULOUS. I FEEL RIDICULOUS. NO, NO. THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE DRESS. ARE YOU SURE? IT'S $300. OK, WELL, THEN $300 IT IS BECAUSE THAT'S IT. YOU LOOK AMAZING, EMMA. YOU'VE GOT TO WEAR THAT TOMORROW NIGHT. (WHISPERING) Joey. Joey. Hi. (LAUGHS) SEE, I TOLD YOU YOU'D FIND A WAY FOR ME TO END UP IN YOUR BED. IT WAS ALL PART OF MY DEVILISH PLAN. I KNEW IT. HERE. I KNOW IT'S EARLY, BUT I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO MISS YOUR TEST. AND YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW YOUR MORNING ROUTINE. MAYBE YOU NEED SOME TIME TO ADJUST TO CONSCIOUSNESS AND ALL THAT. VERY CONSIDERATE, MR. DOLING, BUT... I'M READY FOR IT. I SWEAR, I KNOW THIS STUFF SO WELL, I'M GONNA SET THE CURVE. I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, TIGER. WHAT WAS THAT FOR? FOR CALLING ME TIGER. I KINDA LIKED IT. (CHUCKLES) SO, ONCE YOU NAILED THE MATERIAL, DID YOU MAKE GOOD USE OF YOUR PRIVATE TIME IN MY HUMBLE ABODE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU KNOW, LOOKING FOR SKELETONS IN CLOSETS, DEEP DARK SECRETS HIDDEN AWAY IN DRAWERS. NOW, WHAT KIND OF A PERSON WOULD DO THAT? OH, ALL PEOPLE. ALL RIGHT. JUST THE MEDICINE CABINET, AND WE'LL DISCUSS THE DANDRUFF SHAMPOO LATER, BUT I PRACTICALLY TRIPPED OVER YOUR ICE SKATES, WHAT'S THAT ABOUT? AH, I--I PLAY HOCKEY. THEY WERE FIGURE SKATES. ALL RIGHT, SO I MAY SKATE A LITTLE. YOU KNOW, I HAPPEN TO POSSESS A CERTAIN MASCULINE GRACE. YOU THINK I'M GONNA LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THAT ONE, HUH? WELL, THEN I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO KEEP YOU QUIET. I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. NOW THERE'S A SENTENCE EVERY GUY LOVES TO HEAR AT MOMENTS LIKE THESE. (LAUGHS) NO, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, UM, EDDIE, YOU KNOW, I'M--I'M-- (SIGHS) I'M NOT THE KIND OF GIRL WHO SLEEPS WITH A GUY AFTER ONLY ONE DATE. REALLY? BECAUSE I USUALLY SLEEP WITH GIRLS AFTER ONLY ONE DATE, LIKE, AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. NO. ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT... I HAVE A CERTAIN PATTERN WHEN IT COMES TO SEX. UM, LONG, PROTECTED, TENSION-FILLED WAITING PERIOD. YOU KNOW, FULL OF DRAMATIC BUILDUP, YOU KNOW, POSSIBLY LASTING YEARS-- JOEY, I WASN'T, YOU KNOW, EXPECTING ANYTHING HERE. I DON'T MIND TAKING IT SLOW. THAT'S NICE, UM, BUT, UM, IT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN. SEE... I WAS SORT OF TELLING YOU ABOUT MY PATTERN BECAUSE... WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING, I REACHED MY ARM ACROSS THE BED KIND OF WISHING THAT YOU HADN'T TAKEN THE FLOOR LAST NIGHT. AND, UM... I WAS LYING HERE JUST TRYING TO THINK OF ONE REASON NOT TO BREAK MY TRADITION WITH YOU, RIGHT HERE, AND I COULDN'T THINK OF ONE. YOU CAN SAY SOMETHING QUICK RIGHT NOW BEFORE I DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT. HOW'S THAT? IS THAT OK? THAT'LL DO. THAT'LL DO. (BOTH LAUGH) HI. HI. WOULD IT BE INCREDIBLY CORNY IF I TOLD YOU HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU LOOK RIGHT NOW? YES, AND ENTIRELY INAPPROPRIATE SINCE I PLAN ON NEVER CALLING YOU AGAIN. WELL, AHEM, THEN AT LEAST LET ME MAKE YOU SOME FRENCH TOAST AS A WAY OF SAYING GOOD-BYE AND BEST WISHES. WELL, THAT COULD BE ARRANGED, BUT ONLY IF YOU HELP ME STUDY WHILE WE EAT. I THINK I COULD DO THAT. HOW MUCH TIME YOU HAVE? MY EXAM'S AT 9:00 AND IT WAS BARELY SUNRISE WHEN YOU WOKE ME UP, SO IT CAN'T BE MUCH LATER THAN THAT, RIGHT? YEAH. ARE YOU SAYING THAT A PROPER AMOUNT OF TIME WASN'T PAID TO A-- NOTHING LIKE THAT. LET ME SEE. 11:00! OH, MY GOD! IT'S 11:00! WAIT. ARE--ARE YOU SURE? HOW COULD YOU LET ME FALL ASLEEP? I DIDN'T. I MEAN, I DID, YOU KNOW, BUT WE BOTH SORTA JUST PASSED OUT AND IT WAS NICE. IT WAS NICE? YEAH, IT WAS. LOOK, MAYBE I'M MORE FOND OF SPOONING THAN THE AVERAGE GUY. OK, I'M SORRY I LET YOU FALL ASLEEP, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD TO BE ON POTTER-WATCH. OH, AND I SUPPOSE IT'S MY FAULT FOR NOT SAYING, "HEY, EDDIE, DON'T LET ME SLEEP THROUGH MY MONSTROUSLY IMPORTANT EXAM." YES, IT WAS A NICE MOMENT, BUT ONE WE COULD'VE HAD LATER ON TODAY BEFORE MY LIFE IS RUINED. HOW COULD I SLEEP HERE LAST NIGHT? WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? OK, CALM DOWN. OK? I HAVE ONE HOUR LEFT IN MY 3-HOUR EXAM. I'M 20 MINUTES AWAY FROM CAMPUS, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN? ALL RIGHT, COME ON. LOOK, I'LL HAVE YOU THERE IN 10 MINUTES. LET'S GO. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. JOEY, HEY, JOEY, JOEY! THAT'S HALF-HOUR. YOU HAVE 30 MINUTES TO COMPLETE THE EXAM. WITTER. ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE THE LOVELY CANDACE, MY DATE FOR THIS EVENING'S FESTIVITIES. PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. LIKEWISE. AND WHERE MIGHT YOUR DATE BE? SHE'S ON HER WAY. HMM. OH! GOD. SORRY. HI, PACEY. I ALMOST COULDN'T FIND YOU. THERE'S SO MANY SUITS, IT'S LIKE LOOKING FOR ONE INDIVIDUAL COW IN A WHOLE FIELD OF 'EM. HI. I'M EMMA. HI. RICH RINALDI. AND THIS IS CANDACE. WHAT A FABULOUS DRESS. THANK YOU. PACEY BOUGHT IT FOR ME. I DID HAVE TO MAKE A FEW MODIFICATIONS, OF COURSE. I HOPE HE DOESN'T MIND. OH, NO, NO. NOT AT ALL. UM, COULD YOU TWO EXCUSE US FOR JUST ONE SECOND? EMMA, MAY I HAVE A WORD IN PRIVATE? BE RIGHT BACK. (CHUCKLES) UH-HUH. WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT DRESS? YOU DON'T LIKE IT? LIKE IT? I SPENT $300 ON IT AND I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BOUGHT YOU A BOX OF RAGS. RAGS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FEEL THIS FABRIC. THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF. THE KITCHEN SHEARS WENT THROUGH IT LIKE BUTTER. I--I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THAT. I SHALL BE BY THE PUNCH BOWL. IF YOU LIKE TWIRLING ME ABOUT, COME FIND ME. (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING) SO, DO YOU WANT TO TALK ALL NIGHT OR DO YOU WANT TO DANCE? FIRST THINGS FIRST, BABY. AND... CUT! BEAUTIFUL! THAT WAS HOT, GUYS! LOVED IT! THEY'VE GOT REALLY GOOD CHEMISTRY, DIDN'T YOU THINK? UH, SURE. YEAH. YEAH. THAT LAST TAKE WAS KILLER, HUH? I WAS TOTALLY IN THE MOMENT. Max through headset: YEAH, ME, TOO. SO, YOUR BOYFRIEND PROBABLY ISN'T TOO HAPPY ABOUT ME KISSING YOU. OH, I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. WHAT ABOUT THAT GUY FROM YOUR TRAILER? ARE YOU TWO-- WHO? DAWSON? GOD, NO, HE'S A P.A. THAT'S COOL. SO DO YOU WANNA WORK ON THE DANCE MOVES AGAIN? SURE. OUT...AND BACK. DAWSON. YEAH. COULD YOU GET ME A CUP OF COFFEE, MATE? SURE. (DOORBELL RINGS) OH, GOODIE, I WAS HOPIN' IT WAS YOU. I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU AT HOME. I WENT TO YOUR OFFICE AND YOUR CLASSROOM. I COULDN'T FIND YOU, AND I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU. YEAH, NO, I KNOW, I WAS MADE AWARE OF YOUR SITUATION THROUGH THE 27 MESSAGES YOU LEFT ON MY OFFICE VOICEMAIL. WELL, LOOK, I STUDIED FOR YOUR TEST MORE THAN I'VE EVER STUDIED FOR ANYTHING IN MY LIFE. AND YOU KNOW HOW FAR I'VE COME IN YOUR CLASS, IT'S JUST THAT-- WELL, I LOST TRACK OF TIME AND-- GAZING INTO THE ABYSS OF YOUR FUTURE AGAIN? LOOK, LET ME HAVE A RE-TEST. NO. LOOK, I WAS UP ALL NIGHT STUDYING! I FELL ASLEEP AND THEN I WOKE UP EARLY, BEFORE SUNRISE EARLY, AND THEN I FELL BACK ASLEEP, AND I WAS DISORIENTED, I WASN'T EVEN IN MY OWN-- WASN'T EVEN IN YOUR OWN WHAT? I WASN'T EVEN IN MY OWN ROOM. LOOK... IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO GET TO THE TEST ON TIME, AND SINCE YOU COULDN'T GET PAST QUESTION NUMBER ONE, THAT'S AN AUTOMATIC "F," WHICH BRINGS YOUR GRADE FOR THE SEMESTER TO A NICE, HEALTHY "D." SO, YOU SEE, IT-IT'S NOT SO BAD. YOU STILL PASS. NIGHT, POTTER. OH, PROFESSOR HETSON, NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME PERSONALLY, YOU CAN'T BE THIS VINDICTIVE. ALL RIGHT, NOW, SEE, THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG. THIS IS NOT ABOUT VINDICTIVENESS. THIS IS ABOUT RATIONALITY. I HAVE TO APPLY THE SAME SET OF STANDARDS TO ALL OF MY STUDENTS OR ELSE I'M REALLY NOT BEING FAIR. IT'S NOTHIN' PERSONAL. IT'S A TOUGH BREAK, KID. I FEEL FOR YA. I WON'T LET YOU DIE. IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME, BABY. JUST PROMISE ME ONE THING. KEEP ON DANCING. NOOOOOO! Todd: AND...CUT! THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL! CHECK THE GATE! THAT'S A WRAP ON MAX! LET'S ALL CONGRATULATE MAX ON A JOB WELL DONE, YEAH? (APPLAUSE) AND ON SCHEDULE. HATE TO LOSE YOU, MATE. YOU DID A FABULOUS JOB. AHH. I KNOW. RIGHT. HEY! HEY. SO AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY PERFORMANCE? YEAH, YOU WERE-- YOU WERE GREAT. YOU'RE ALWAYS GREAT. YOU'RE A-- A REAL ACTRESS, NATASHA. YEAH, I WAS JUST OK, BUT ISN'T MAX AMAZING? YEAH, HE'S REALLY GOOD. UM, SO, LISTEN, I KNOW WE HAD PLANS TO HANG OUT TONIGHT, BUT MAX SORTA ASKED ME TO HAVE A DRINK. YOU KNOW, KIND OF A GOOD-BYE, NICE-WORKIN'-WITH-YA SORTA THING. YOU CAN TOTALLY COME IF YOU WANT TO. YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REMEMBERED? UH, TODD WANTED TO GO OVER THE SHOT LIST FOR TOMORROW. OK, BUT MAYBE I COULD COME BY LATER... AFTER I GET BACK? YEAH, SURE. GREAT. BYE. (LAUGHS) OH, MY GOD. YOU HAVE TO TRY ONE OF THESE PIGGETY BLANKETY THINGIES, THEY'RE AMAZING! YOU OBVIOUSLY WEREN'T RAISED ON 'EM LIKE I WAS. WHAT? DIDN'T YOU SPECIALIZE IN HAUTE CUISINE OR SOME SUCH NONSENSE BEFORE YOU BECAME A RAGING SELLOUT? YOUR POINT BEING? YOU CAN JUST CHOMP THOSE THINGS DOWN THERE, PACEY. OH, SURE, BUT THEN I'D LOSE THE COMIC EFFECT, AND IT'D BE FAR LESS CHARMING. OH, I SEE. THIS IS YOUR DATING SCHTICK, IS IT? HOW YOU NIBBLE DELICATELY ON THAT PETITE CORN. THIS ISN'T WORKIN' FOR YA? (LAUGHS) VERY DAINTY. OK, NOW, ADMIT IT. YOU ARE HAVING FUN. OH, I ADMIT NOTHING, I AM SIMPLY GIDDY ON ALL THE FREE FOOD. AND YOUR CHARMING AND CHIVALROUS DATE, OF COURSE. AH, DON'T GET ANY IDEAS ON ME, PACEY. OH, I'M NOT. I'M JUST SAYIN'. HEY, EMMA, RIGHT? THAT IS A GREAT DRESS. THANK YOU. IT'S JUST SO STYLISH AND UNIQUE, WHAT--WITH WHAT YOU DID WITH ALL THE PINS. OH, I SEE. YOU'RE TAKING THE ***, AREN'T YOU? I'M SORRY? TAKING THE ***. HAVING A LAUGH AT MY EXPENSE 'CAUSE YOU THINK MY DRESS IS STUPID AND YOU'RE A SMALL-MINDED JERK WHO'S NO DOUBT... SMALL IN OTHER AREAS AS WELL. (LAUGHS) EMMA, DO YOU WANT TO GO USE THE DANCE FLOOR? WOW. SHE DANCES, TOO. YOU'RE PRACTICALLY A MEMBER OF FAIGAN'S GANG, AREN'T YOU? HOW DELIGHTFULLY CONDESCENDING OF YOU, ***. RICH. I KNOW. NOW, TELL ME, WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND PICKED YOUR LITTLE OUTFIT, DID YOU THINK, "HMM, I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A MONEY-GRUBBING SCHMUCK WITH NO IMAGINATION," OR IS THAT JUST A HAPPY ACCIDENT? WELL, THAT'S ONE OF LIFE'S LITTLE MYSTERIES WE'RE JUST NOT GONNA SOLVE TONIGHT, SO, SHALL WE? KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, WITTER. YOUR SPECIAL FRIEND HERE IS DOING (BRITISH ACCENT) A SPLENDID JOB RUINING YOUR IMAGE ALL BY HERSELF. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO GO TO THE LOO BEFORE I SAY SOMETHING PACEY REGRETS. OH, OH, OH, WITTER. SO I'VE BEEN THINKING... IT'S GONNA BE OK. I MEAN, ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS TALK TO HETSON, REASON WITH HIM. I'M SURE--I'M SURE HE'LL UNDERSTAND. I TRIED, ACTUALLY. UM...SURPRISINGLY, HE DOESN'T CARE. THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA LOSE MY SCHOLARSHIP. IT'S OVER. WELL, LET'S NOT GET MELODRAMATIC. MELODRAMATIC? I'M--I'M JUST SAYING RELAX, YOU KNOW? I THINK MAYBE YOU'RE HAVING A LITTLE WORST-CASE-SCENARIO FREAK-OUT HERE. MAYBE YOU'RE FORGETTING THE BIGGER THINGS AT HAND. OH, WHAT EXACTLY IS BIGGER THAN MY GETTING KICKED OUT OF COLLEGE? YOU SEE? YOU'VE ALREADY ESCALATED FROM LOSING YOUR SCHOLARSHIP TO GETTING KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL. YOU JUST TAKE ALL THIS STUFF WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. OH, AND I GUESS WHAT I'M LEARNING ABOUT YOU IS THAT YOU DON'T TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY. NO, I JUST TRY TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE THINGS THAT MATTER. AND WHAT MATTERS TO YOU, EDDIE, BECAUSE TO ME, WORTHINGTON IS KIND OF A RIDE OUT OF A PREVIOUSLY LACKING EXISTENCE! YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR DREAMS ARE, SO I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU. IT-- YOU KNOW, COME TO THINK OF IT, I DON'T REALLY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AT ALL. WELL, I DON'T KNOW. YOU'RE USUALLY PRETTY GOOD AT ASSUMING THINGS ABOUT ME. YEAH. EVERYTHING I THINK ABOUT YOU, I'VE PRETTY MUCH STRUNG TOGETHER THROUGH FLIMSY ASSUMPTIONS. WELL, MAYBE YOUR POWERS OF DEDUCTION ARE PARTICULARLY STRONG. YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE JUST STUCK TO MY ORIGINAL PATTERN. OH, YEAH, BECAUSE THAT WAS MAKING YOU SO HAPPY. WELL, AT LEAST I KNEW WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO. EVERYTHING NEW I TRY JUST SEEMS TO BACKFIRE. THAT'S HOW PEOPLE GROW UP, JO. THEY LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES. YEAH, WELL, I GUESS WHAT I'M LEARNING IS THAT AVOIDING JOEY POTTER'S PATH LESS TAKEN IS PROBABLY THE SMARTER WAY TO GO. LOOK... I'M SORRY YOU MISSED YOUR TEST... BUT I DON'T WANT WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT TO BE A MISTAKE TO YOU. BUT I GUESS IT WAS. I GOT THIS ONE IN THE BAG. I DON'T KNOW. I'M LOOKIN' PRETTY HOT TONIGHT. HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT PUNK FREAK? WHAT IS SHE EVEN DOING HERE? I DON'T KNOW. DID YOU GET A LOAD OF HER ACCENT? IT'S TOTALLY FAKE. I KNOW, AND I HEARD SHE WAS REALLY RUDE TO RICH. WHY SHOULDN'T I BE? HE'S A LITTLE ***. YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU WANT TO WIN? WIN WHAT? YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS PARTY'S REALLY ABOUT? I'M SORRY. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? IT'S A CONTEST. THE GUY WITH THE HOTTEST DATE WINS 1,000 BUCKS. WHERE'S YOUR SASSY PSEUDO-PUNK, WITTER? I WAS HOPING FOR ANOTHER ROUND. WELL, SURPRISINGLY, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW. AND I CAN'T SAY THAT I REALLY BLAME HER. THEN WHY HAVE YOU BEEN WOLFING DOWN THE EMPAÑADAS ALL NIGHT? THE WAY YOU TREATED HER WAS UNNECESSARY, RICH. EMMA'S NOT THE GIRL WHO'S GONNA PLAY DOWN TO YOUR OUTDATED STEREOTYPE OF THE LESSER SEX. IN FACT, SHE'S PROBABLY THE MOST ELOQUENT AND PASSIONATE PERSON I'VE MET IN A LONG, LONG TIME, AND SHE HAS FAR TOO MUCH GRACE TO BE LOWERING HERSELF TO YOUR PLAYING FIELD. THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL, WITTER. I'M SORRY YOUR POIGNANT OUTBURST WAS WASTED ON ME. THAT'S NOT A PROBLEM. I'VE WASTED THE BETTER PART OF MY EVENING PLAYING THIS PATHETIC GAME. IF YOU CONSIDER THIS SUCH A WASTE OF YOUR TIME, WE COULD REMEDY THAT COME MONDAY MORNING. IT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD, THIS BACK AND FORTH, BUT WHAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN OR WHAT YOU ACTUALLY NEVER LEARNED IS THAT I'M YOUR BOSS. YOU'RE NOT PRECIOUS TO ME. IN FACT, YOU'RE ON THIN ICE. YOU WATCH IT WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH UP TO ME, WITTER. I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND. I'M THE GUY WHO'S IN CHARGE OF YOUR FUTURE, WHICH IS CURRENTLY BLEAK. SO WE'LL--THEN WE'LL DO THAT BIT WHERE SHE'S IN THE SHOWER. AND THEN WE'RE DONE. COOL. SO SPEAKING OF, WHAT ARE YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS UP TO TONIGHT? NOTHING. NOTHING. SHE'S, UH--SHE'S OUT... WITH MAX. I SEE. AND SO YOU'RE... SITTING HERE THINKING OF WAYS I COULD KILL HIM. PRODUCTIVE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, TODD. THIS ISN'T LIKE ME. I... SHE LIED ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND I HEARD HER ON THE HEADPHONES. I HAD A CHANCE TO CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT, AND I DIDN'T. AND NOW SHE'S OUT WITH HIM. SHE'S ACTUALLY OUT WITH HIM RIGHT NOW, AND I DIDN'T SAY A WORD ABOUT IT. SO WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? YOU'RE DOING WHAT'S SMART. LOOK... IF YOU CONFRONT HER ON A LITTLE WHITE LIE, THE LIKELIHOOD IS SHE'LL GET MIGHTY UPSET THAT YOU WERE EAVESDROPPING, AND THAT'S IT FOR YOU AND YOUR *** PRIVILEGES FOR THE REST OF THE SHOOT. I SAY IGNORE IT. I SAY IGNORE IT AND JUST TRY AND ENJOY THE REST OF THE TIME YOU HAVE TOGETHER. LOOK, YOU MAY VERY WELL BE THE LOVE OF NATASHA'S LIFE. BUT SADLY, YOU DON'T AFFECT HER NEXT MOVIE OFFER, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. SO I SAY JUST FORGET ABOUT IT. NO BIG THING. SO THAT'S YOUR ADVICE? JUST SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED? YEAH, THAT IS MY ADVICE, YOU CHEEKY ***. THAT'S TERRIBLE ADVICE. AND YET GOOD ADVICE IF YOU WANT TO KEEP *** NATASHA. ARRGH! I WISH SHE DIDN'T HAVE THIS POWER OVER ME. IT'S LIKE--SOMETIMES I LOOK AT HER AND I... I FORGET MY OWN NAME. IT'S LIKE ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS-- SEX? YEAH. YOU SEE? AND THEY KNOW THAT. AND THAT'S HOW THEY WALK ALL OVER US. TECHNICALLY, ISN'T IT YOU THAT DOES THE WALKING ALL OVER IN THESE SITUATIONS? OH, I'VE BEEN TROD UPON. BELIEVE YOU ME. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. YEAH, I'M JUST GONNA BE DIRECT WITH HER. I CAN'T--I'M NOT GONNA MAKE MYSELF CRAZY OVER THIS. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN HONEST WITH PEOPLE. YEAH. LET ME KNOW HOW THAT WORKS OUT FOR YOU. I CAN'T THINK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE. RIGHT. WHY THINK WHEN WE CAN DRINK? UH, BARKEEP, 2 SHOTS OF WHISKEY, AND BRING DAWSON WHATEVER HE WANTS. CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER? I'LL TAKE A BURGER AND A BEER--A GUINNESS, PLEASE. AND I'D LIKE A PICKLE ON THE SIDE, PLEASE, AND A GLASS OF WATER, IF YOU DON'T MIND, WITH ICE-- CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? SURE. HOW CAN YOU SIT THERE AND ORDER FROM ME AND PRETEND LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED? WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? ARE YOU--ARE YOU TRYING TO TORTURE ME? IS THAT IT? OH, FIRST OF ALL, THAT WAS, LIKE, 4 QUESTIONS, BUT NO MATTER. THE ANSWER TO YOUR FIRST QUESTION, HOW CAN I JUST SIT HERE AND ORDER FROM YOU LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED IS TWOFOLD. A--FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, NOT MUCH REALLY DID HAPPEN. AND B--I'M HUNGRY. IT DIDN'T EVEN OCCUR TO ME THAT IT HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU. NO, JUST MY PALTRY LITTLE LIFE WHICH HAS COME CRASHING DOWN ALL AROUND ME, THANKS TO YOU. THANKS TO WHO NOW? HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, JOEY. YOU KNOW WHAT? I CHANGED MY MIND. I DON'T WANT FRENCH FRIES. I REALLY FEEL LIKE ONION RINGS. PROFESSOR HETSON. GREAT, GREAT, GREAT. OK, NOW, LET ME GUESS. UH, YOU'RE THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR, AND I'M THE EVIL DRAGON IN THIS LITTLE PLAY WE SEEM TO BE DOING. LOOK, YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE. IT WASN'T HER FAULT. IT WAS MY FAULT. I MADE HER LATE FOR THE TEST. LOOK, EDDIE, IF THAT EVEN IS YOUR REAL NAME, I DON'T CARE. I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH SHE STUDIED. I DON'T CARE HOW SORRY SHE IS. I DON'T CARE HOW GREAT THE SEX WAS. YOU'RE WASTING YOUR BREATH, KID. GO GET A KITTEN OUT OF A TREE OR SOMETHING. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, MAN? I MEAN, CAN'T YOU TRY TO BE HUMAN FOR ONCE? TELL ME, JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK THIS LITTLE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND JOEY IS GOING, ANYWAY? I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I HAVE AN IDEA. AND BELIEVE ME, IT'S NOT GONNA BE A PRETTY PICTURE. MS. POTTER IS--WELL, HER PERFORMANCE ON TODAY'S EXAM NOTWITHSTANDING-- A GAL WHO'S GOING PLACES, AS THEY SAY, PLACES THAT YOU WILL NOT BE GOING, EDDIE. PLACES YOU CAN NEVER HOPE TO GO. DON'T TELL ME IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU JUST A LITTLE CRAZY KNOWING THAT SHE'S ACTUALLY GOT THE LIFE THAT YOU TRIED TO FAKE FOR YOURSELF. I MEAN, WHO KNOWS? MAYBE YOU LURED HER TO YOUR APARTMENT ON PURPOSE, RIGHT? TRIED TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD, MAYBE? NOT GONNA WORK, THOUGH, EDDIE. SHE'LL STILL SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU. SHE'LL STILL LEAVE, AND YOU'LL STILL BE TRAPPED RIGHT HERE. YOU KNOW, IT'S A REALLY GOOD THING YOU LOOK SO CUTE IN THAT LITTLE APRON OF YOURS, 'CAUSE-- (SLAMS TRAY DOWN) HEY. HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SITTING HERE WAITING FOR YOU. OH. WELL... I JUST GOT FIRED. I'M SORRY. WELL, HETSON AGREED NOT TO SUE, SO, NO, IT'S NOT SO BAD. EDDIE, LOOK, I AM... SO SORRY ABOUT BEFORE. JOEY, JOEY-- NO, IT'S JUST THAT-- I TEND TO--NO. YOU DON'T HAVE TO. I UNDERSTAND. AND I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU MELODRAMATIC. WELL... I DO TEND TO ESCALATE THINGS, AND YOU DO TEND TO DOWNPLAY THEM. BUT... SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE, SOMETHING ABOUT US STILL MAKES SENSE. IF I HADN'T OVERSLEPT AND MESSED THINGS UP WITH HETSON, I NEVER WOULD HAVE SEEN THIS NEW SIDE OF YOU. SO THE POTTER PATH LESS TRAVELED, NOT SO BAD? A ROCKY START, MAYBE, BUT IT'S KIND OF NICE HERE. YOU GOT A GREAT RIGHT HOOK THERE, SLUGGER. WHAT WAS THAT FOR? FOR CALLING ME SLUGGER. I KINDA LIKED IT. HEY, I'VE GOT AN IDEA-- SOMETHING WE CAN DO TO TAKE OUR MINDS OFF ALL THIS. NO. NOT THAT, DIRTY GIRL. SOMETHING ELSE TO TAKE OUR MINDS OFF ALL THIS. COME ON. (LAUGHING) Max: ...SO GOOD. Natasha: OH, MAX. OH, MY GOD. I LOVE HER. SHE'S GOT 1/16 OF THE *** PRESENCE THAT YOU HAVE. HEY, MAN. (KNOCK ON DOOR) HEY, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. I MISSED YOU. YEAH. YOU HAVE FUN? IT WAS KIND OF BORING. WE HAD A DRINK, AND I'VE BEEN WATCHING TV IN MY ROOM EVER SINCE. BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL NIGHT. DAWSON, COME ON. I'M STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU ASKING TO COME IN. ARE YOU HONESTLY GONNA SEND ME OUT INTO THE COLD, COLD NIGHT ALL BY MYSELF? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? I LEFT. I NOTICED THAT. WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE OR LETTING ME KNOW. LOOK, IF THIS IS ABOUT RICH, YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T PAY THAT GUY ANY MIND. HE'S JUST A MORON. EMMA. SO DID I WIN, THEN? WHAT? I SAID, DID I WIN, THEN? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YEAH, PROBABLY NOT. THERE WAS, LIKE, 20 GIRLS THERE THAT WERE WAY HOTTER THAN ME, RIGHT? SOMEBODY TOLD YOU ABOUT THE CONTEST. PRETTY SHARP THERE, PACEY. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I'M SORRY. THERE'S NO NOBLE SPEECH I CAN GIVE YOU. I JUST SCREWED UP ROYALLY, AND I APOLOGIZE. I TOOK THE SPINELESS, CORPORATE ROUTE, AND...SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, I GUESS I JUST FORGOT THAT I HAD A CHOICE. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, PACEY. TRUE ENOUGH, THOUGH IN THAT OFFICE, IT DOESN'T ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IT. SO DID I WIN, THEN? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU EVEN TAKE ME THERE, PACEY. YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THAT CONTEST WAS ABOUT. WERE YOU TRYING TO HUMILIATE ME OR-- NO, GOD! NO, EMMA, I TOOK YOU TO THAT THING BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WOULD WIN. YOU WERE BY FAR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THAT ROOM, AND I'M NOT TAKING A *** OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU CRAZY ENGLISH PEOPLE SAY. YOU'RE NOT? NO, NOT AT ALL. JUST FOR ME TO BE THERE WITH YOU WAS 10 TIMES THE PRIZE I WAS EVER GONNA GET FROM THOSE... SOULLESS CORPORATE FREAKS THAT I WORK WITH. SO I AM--I'M SORRY. (KEY RATTLING) HEY, GUYS. HEY, JACK. SEEN THE REMOTE? HERE. OH, THANKS. WHAT'S GOING ON, EDDIE? I'M STARTING TO GET A LITTLE FREAKED. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR DAD GOT US HERE LIKE THIS. THIS IS SO COOL. OH, THE DOLINGS HAVE CONNECTIONS. IRISH MAFIA--I KNEW IT. YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT ELSE? WHAT ELSE? YOU DO POSSESS A CERTAIN MASCULINE GRACE. YES, I TOLD YOU. VERY NICE. YES. COME HERE. COME HERE. THANK YOU FOR THIS... FOR EVERYTHING. IT'S MY PLEASURE, JOEY POTTER. Joey: COME ON! Eddie: OK. Eddie: OK, SKATE BACKWARDS NOW. BACKWARDS? YES. NO, THAT'S FORWARDS. THAT'S MY SPIN.