Melrose Place S1E5 - English Transcript

- The man has arrived. - Billy, you're a stud. Way to go, Billy! Follow me. Yeah! Kick! Grab him! Here we go! One! Two! Three! I hope you guys know a good dry-cleaner. Come on, what's a celebration without somebody getting in the pool? This is my last clean shirt. - Admit it, you're thrilled. - OK, I�m pretty psyched. I think it's so cool. Your own column in a newspaper. Thanks, but it's not exactly the newspaper. It's a freebie they give away on Melrose. Restaurant reviews, paranoid political articles, "Married man, 55, seeks buxom blonde, It's a throwaway. The Village Voice probably started out that way. People are gonna line litter boxes with this. Adventures on Melrose. The saga of a young man in his 20's. - On the rise. - On the make. Spilling his guts for 25 bucks a week. - What're you gonna write about? - Me. - You've had adventures? - Yeah. Well, I mean, I�ll get some. OK. - Hey. - Hi. - What's up? Tough day at the boutique? - Oh, no, I�m just tired, that's all. - Killer dress. - Thanks. Do you like it? We got these at the boutique. Half off Friday. - Come down and try 'em on. - Great. What's up, dudes? Baby! - What happened? - Well, I�m sorry I missed the party. But the kid came through. The one that got hit by a car. It was touch-and-go for a few hours, but he's gonna make it. - That's great. - Fantastic. You saved somebody's life! - Yes, I guess I did. - Get him! What do you mean? The people at the hospital, everybody says Yosemite. The place to go is Yosemite. I mean, it's fantastic camping, dirt cheap, wildflowers. Jane, think wildflowers. I know spring's a long time to wait for our vacation, but picture this: A cosy tent for two, me sneaking into your sleeping bag, you thinking it's creepy crawlers, get excited and wake up, but no, it's the surgeon extraordinaire's perfect gentle hands on your shoulders. The wilderness is gonna be awesome, I�m telling ya. Jane? - Hon? - What? - Sound like a plan? - Yeah. Honey, that sounds great. That's good. I don't know. You can see right through it. I mean, maybe with a unitard. What do you think? A simple yes or no would suffice. What's wrong? Are you OK? I'm just pregnant, that's all. I'm gonna put these back on the rack. Did I hear you right? Are you pregnant? - Yeah, how about that? - Oh, my God. That's wonderful! Congratulations. - When did you guys decide to do this? - We didn't, actually. It just kind of Well, we got carried away one night. - You know how it is. - Actually, I don't. But a baby! You must be so excited. Yeah, I am. I mean, I think I am. Something. I don't know, it just It just seems so soon. But Michael must be walking on air. Actually, I haven't told him yet. When I found out, it just blew me away, you know, like it wasn't real. And then he raced off to the hospital. Don't tell. You're the first who knows. - Just me? - I'm going to tell him tonight. This is so exciting! A little Jane. Just relax. It's gonna come. It's gonna come. Well, at least I�ve still got my day job. - OK, what happened? - Nothing. Nothing happened. I was sitting there, working on my article, and the messiness of this place started bugging me. So I decided to take a little break and do a little spring cleaning. - Article going badly? - Badly is not the word for it. I sat there for hours, Alison, hours. Every time I wrote something down, it just seemed so unbelievably stupid and boring. I don't know who I was kidding, I�d write about adventures. What big thrill can I write about? I'm a kid from the Valley, you know? What, the time I saw Milli and Vanilli shopping at the Galleria? I am ordinary. There's nothing wrong with being ordinary. There is if you're a writer. Writers have to live extraordinary lives. At my age, Hemingway was already in Africa shooting elephants. Real writers do things. You know, they get into barroom brawls. And they go through women like Kleenex. They have drinking problems and they destroy their lives and everyone they care about. Come on, we're going to Shooters. I can start working on my drinking problem. Great. You'll wind up like Hemingway, with a shotgun in your mouth. Well, this is one thing we never had in Chicago. - What's that? - Great Mexican. I know how you love margaritas. Yeah, I noticed that. Are you trying to get me drunk? - Not a bad idea. - Yeah, till you have to carry me home. You've got something up your sleeve, Janie. What is it? Tell me. Honey, there's something that we need to discuss Here it comes. Your parents are flying in for an extended visit. No, no, it's nothing like that. It's important. - Important. - Michael, I�m serious. OK, OK, what is it? - I want us to have a baby. - What? Why? Well, because because I like babies. Honey, I love babies. Other people's babies. People who aren't interns, who don't live in one-bedroom apartments, who aren't broke. I don't know, I just thought that now might be a good time. Sweetheart, we've talked about this. I have to finish my internship. And what are you gonna do, quit your job? No, we're at least five years from having a baby. Drinking is so incredibly depressing. That's what I�ve been trying to tell you. You know what the saddest thing is about drunks? They're so helpless. They're stumbling, laughing too loud, slurring their speech Billy, nobody said you had to drink to be a writer. Nobody even said you had to have adventures. Look at Emily Dickinson. She hardly even left her house. What a candy-***. Don't bother Billy. He's busy growin' hairs on his chest. - Hey. - That's a real drink, huh? - Bottoms up, Billy. - It's OK, Sandy. - I'm trying to cut down. - My God, what a day. One of my 12-year-olds pulls a knife on a 15-year-old, a couple of other kids jump in. I had to wrestle the knife out of this kid's hand. He starts crying. He starts crying because his mother, his mother gave him the knife before she was shipped off to the mental hospital. Nice memento from Mom. Beer, please. Will you listen to that? A knife. This guy's really living. Seeing the world, sinking his teeth into it. Is that what it is? Sometimes I think I�m the last person to realize that the entire world is hopelessly screwed up. And this guy. This guy's adventurous. Right, Jake? You've probably been in a bar fight or two. Maybe stared down the wrong end of a gun? You probably had a babe throw her stiletto-heeled pump at you as you were leaving her apartment. It was a cowboy boot in a motel room. Talk about writing material! That's adventure! - Real life. - How many has he had? - A couple of sips. - Would ya look at this guy? Now that man has been around. Hey, yo, buddy! How'd you get the neck brace? Take a bad spill on your hog? Bungee jumping. - Whiskey, straight up. - No, no, no, here, take mine. I wasn't gonna drink it. So that bungee cord thing, you really did that? Jumped off a bridge. Man, it was outrageous. You're up there about a hundred stories. They strap you in with these bungees. Then you jump, and you're thinking, "I�m gonna die. I'm gonna hit the ground and smash my brain and spread my guts, liver, intestines all over the place. " And then the bungees kick in. - Awesome! - If it was so awesome, - why are you wearing that neck brace? - Whiplash. No pain, no glory. - Guys, we gotta do it. - Do what? - What are you, crazy? - I'm serious. Come on, talk about real life experience! Three men in the desert, facing life and death? The right stuff! I could make a career off an article! What the hell, let's do it. - I'll try anything once. - You guys are insane. Oh, God! Babies, Jane. We talked about this before we got married. Michael, why does everything have to be so programmed? There's nothing wrong with planning our future. Look at my parents. They were hardly married before they popped out kids. - They didn't do so badly. - Trust me, they weren't ready. I still get the feeling that they sacrificed their dreams and lives. Yeah, but you know that they love you. But it's a strange kind of love. Mixed with resentment. And sometimes I feel that I�m living the life my father wanted for himself. Only one thing stood in his way. So how do we know when we're ready? I think we'll know. Sweetheart, we both have careers that are important to us. Now, when we first moved out here, you promised that you'd have an entire line of - What was it? - Funky Right, funky evening wear in the stores by the end of the year. - What about that? - But it doesn't happen overnight. That's exactly right. That's exactly my point. We need time to lead our own lives before we can give it all to a baby. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe now's not the time. Now, sweetheart, I�m sorry that I don't have a lot of time to spend with you. I think maybe that's where this is coming from. But hey, what do you think about getting a dog? Michael, I don't want a dog. I'm going to the bathroom. Damn it. - Hey, Jane. - Hey. - So how'd the new dad take the news? - He didn't. I didn't tell him. - Why? - He didn't want to hear it. Alison, he's not ready to have a baby. - What are you gonna do? - Not sure. I'm afraid if I tell, he's gonna go through with it. It's not something he wants. Well, are you thinking of maybe not having the baby? I don't know. I'm thinking about a lot of things right now. You know, Jake, sometimes I feel my Jake, sometimes I feel my marriage is like a doughnut. God, here we go. An early morning lesson in philosophy. No, hear me out. A doughnut is round, a doughnut is sweet, perfect. But something in the middle is missing, hence, the hole. I never know if you're supposed to fill that, or if it's a characteristic of a union between two people. If I was married, the hole in my doughnut would be big enough to run a train through. Hold this. Jane's talking about having kids. As if life isn't complicated enough for us. The thought of bringing kids into this world Don't be a cynic. You couldn't handle the responsibility. And you could? There are a couple of dads in my intern program. They don't have happy marriages. No, now's not the time. - You gotta tell her how you feel. - Yeah, I did. She gets so sensitive Don't you guys know nobody walks in IA? Hey, man, we're trendsetters. - You should come with us. - What? We're bungee jumping. No, I think I�ll probably be working tomorrow, unfortunately. Too bad. It's gonna be a blast! - Have a good time. - Car 46, come back. - Duty calls. Later, guys. - Later. Bungee jumping? You're really gonna do that? - I hate fish. - You're gonna shut up and eat it. It's time you started putting something healthy into that body. I'm thinking of adding a bit of nutritional counseling to my classes. Leave me out. No, honey, you are my personal low-cholesterol guinea pig. If I can turn you on to a healthy diet, l can do it for anyone. Rhonda, I am living proof a person can never exercise and eat what she wants - and still be absolutely gorgeous. - Trust me. Not for long. I'll go get that. Whatever you're doing, drop it. Rhon! I need to see you in these dresses. - Those are hot. Very hot. - Guess who designed them? - Come on, take a shot. - Armani, Valentino? - Mancini originals. - They're fabulous, Jane! - I need to see them. - Can it wait till after dinner? - No, now. - OK. You are the best. I'm going to take these to the mart. These dresses have been sitting in my closet for months, when all of a sudden I thought, "What am I waiting for? Life is short. I've got to do things now. " So I called in sick from work and I finally finished a couple of these. Hey girl, we've gotta get you on some decaf. You are shaking like a leaf. Mine needs a few nips and tucks. Well, how's mine? They look awful. The neck is too big, the sleeves are too frumpy and it's way too long. - It's all wrong. - It's OK. Why don't you stay for dinner? I'm cooking some codfish. It's low-calorie, high-protein. What do you say? - Jane! - Jane? Is everything OK? Jane! Are you pregnant? The only reason I ask is I�ve had a couple pregnant friends. Just one whiff of fish, upchuck city. All over the place. Sandy, you know, you have the sensitivity of a doorknob. - Are you OK? - Yeah, I�m fine. - Congratulations. - Thanks. Yeah, Janie, this is so wonderful! Forgive me for saying so, but you don't exactly seem to be jumping for joy. - Jane? - Oh, God. You guys don't say a word. Keep going, Billy. That's it. That's it. There you go, Billy! Way to go! Go get it, Billy! Hey, Billy! Hey, Billy! Come on, you can do it. Come on! Billy! You can do it! Come on! Come on now, you can do it! Dive! Billy, are you all right? Nightmare? The kind where you're falling, and you're about to hit the ground any second. You know, they say if you hit the ground in your dream, you really die. But that almost never happens. I'm sorry I woke you up. It was just a dream, which happened to have an excruciatingly hellish quality. Billy, why are you doing this? I was reading just the other day about these two guys somewhere who wanted to celebrate their graduation by bungee jumping off the top of their dorm. Only they made the rope too long and ended up You know. I mean, what do you have to prove? All my life, I�ve been so safe, Alison. I've done everything right. Good grades in high school, good grades in college, spent the summers working for my dad's store. - I've got to take a risk. - A stupid, reckless risk? Whatever it takes. OK. Just make sure they make the cord the right length. Come on, we gotta get the show on the road. I'll get Jake. Jake! Come on, pal, we gotta get rollin'. - Hello! - What? We're supposed to meet ten minutes ago. Oh, man, are we really going to go through with this? - Yes! - OK. I'll be right there. All right, we'll meet you at the car. How do you feel? I mean, are you psyched? You scared? I want to get everybody's experiences for my story. I feel like I�m about to do something stupid. Wait till you're swinging from that bungee. You will thank me for dragging you along. Hey. Sorry to bother you so early. - No, come on in. Are you OK? - Is Billy home? No, he and Jake and Matt left early to go bungee jumping. - Michael left early too. - Not to go with them? No, no, he's at the hospital. - Alison, I need to talk. - OK. I think I�ve decided to have l have decided not to have this baby. - Talked it over with Michael? - I can't. I mean, I already know how he feels. I don't want to push him into anything. God, I just feel like there's no way out of this, you know? I mean, I just l wish I could make everything OK. - It's not just your responsibility. - I know it's not. Things are tough enough for us as it is, and I�m not gonna bring a child into this world my husband doesn't want. - That's not fair to either of us. - I understand, but - I made an appointment this afternoon. - Where? An abortion clinic in Hollywood. It's just a counseling session, but I was wondering, I mean l would feel so much less alone if you would come. This seems so drastic. Don't you think you ought to include Michael? - It's his baby too. - I'm just exploring my options. OK. I'm so sorry. I am so sorry you have to go through all this. I can't believe we're doing this! Last night I was worried, but now we're on the road, and yes! We're gonna do it. Three men, the adventure of their lives. Gonna look death in the face without blinking, men who look at risk and say, "Make mine a double. " Hey, there it is. Oh, my God! Jumper coming! I'm lovin' it! - Hey, let's do it! - Let�s do it. Think how cool it'll be with a munchkin running around. - How cute will the baby be. - They're so cute. We were coming by to see how you're doing. Unless you're going somewhere. Yeah, kind of. But thanks, you guys. Are you holding up OK? - Alison knows. - Oh, sorry. To tell you the truth, she was taking me to the clinic. The clinic? Are you sure that this is something you both want? Giving it serious thought. Then I�m coming too. You need your friends at a time like this. - C. J. Can take over my classes. - No, that's OK. I'll be fine. - You sure? - Yeah. Well, our urine test confirms that you are pregnant. And from the date of your last period, you're about six weeks along. I take it that this pregnancy comes as a surprise to you. Yes. We never planned to have kids this young. At this point you'd like to terminate the pregnancy. Yes. Well, I�d like to discuss some of the options to abortion. For example, adoption and keeping the child. Before that, would your husband join us? He's not here. He's busy. You know, with work and We can reschedule for some time when he's available. That's fine. Today is fine. - Have you discussed this with him? - I can't. - Jane, is he aware of the pregnancy? - I can't tell him. Michael doesn't want to have a baby right now. Even so, how do you feel about having an abortion without telling him? I feel like if he ever finds out, it'll tear us apart. And if he doesn't, it'll be this huge thing that I never told him. Every marriage has its secrets, right? "And in the event of my debt" Sorry, "death. I state that I do not hold the Bungee Adventure Company responsible for said death, nor any expenses related to said death. " And Beautiful, beautiful. Oscar material. Really. You can still talk? Billy, it is the most incredible l can't even describe it. - But weren't you scared? - Yeah, I was scared. - I was thrilled. It's insane. - Jumper coming! There goes Jake. Hey, you're on. - Let�s do it. - OK, we are all set here. Let�s go. OK, carefully, put your legs over that side of the rail. - This side? - Yeah, that's the side. OK. There you go. Good. Almost lost ya there, pal. OK. OK, you ready? We're gonna go on three. OK? You ready? One. Two. Come on, now. You can do it, come on. Come on, now. You can do it. Dive! Dive! Dive! I can't. I can't do it. I'm just not gonna do it. - OK, let's get him up back - Get my leg back on this side. - I'm sorry, guys. - That's all right. It's just not worth it. They're taking so long. I hope she's OK. All kinds of stuff you gotta do: The pregnancy test, then talk to a counselor. They want to make sure you know what you're doing. How do you know so much? - I had one. - An abortion? God, it's so weird. I haven't thought about it for so long. I was 16, back home. That's when Mama thought l was gonna be Miss Teenage America. I was training for this local contest. I figured if I won, that'd be my way out of town. My talent was baton. There was this boy. He was the son of one of the judges. I liked him well enough. I thought if I slept with him, he'd help me with his dad. God, that was so stupid. I learned that lesson young. You don't sleep with a man to get something, - unless you want to get pregnant. - What happened? My mama drove me. She drove me, we had to We had to drive for hours to get there. The only place that would do an abortion, and even then it was just this little It was just this little trailer, it had no sign or anything. It didn't hurt too much. I just remember, l couldn't stop shivering. It was so crazy. It must've been It must've been 90 degrees, but I was just shivering and shivering. I think it was the hardest thing l ever had to do. But I know under the circumstances l chose right. I know. Of course you did. I haven't told this to anybody out here. - I'm glad you told me. - Me too. I'm always afraid that if you tell somebody something in private, - that they'll use it against you. - Not if they're your friends. Is that what we are? Are we friends? Absolutely. I could have really used someone like you back then. - Oh, Rhonda. - Hi. - Come on in. - Low-fat fettuccine. Major comfort food without the calories. Well, thanks. That's very nice. Figured you wouldn't be in any mood to cook. Thought I�d whip together pasta. Carbohydrates kick - The chemicals that make you happy? - Endorphins. Right. So just eat it, don't cook, don't exert yourself. Wanted you to know I was thinking about you. How's Jane? I don't know. She hasn't come home. Well, let me get out of here. You probably want to be alone. But listen, I understand. You guys are so young. Have a baby when you're ready. A baby? What baby? What are you talking about? Rhonda, what the hell is going on? Nothing. Nothing. You know, forget I came by. I say stupid things. Don't know what I�m talking about. Doesn't mean anything. I gotta go, I�m late. Suddenly I thought, "What am I doing on this bridge? I could die, for real. " I don't know who the bigger jerk is, us for jumping, or this guy for not. Why am I ashamed that l have yen for self-preservation? Billy, you're the only guy around here with half a brain. Yeah, right, and I was too scared to jump. Billy, there is nothing wrong with being too scared. I have ten hours until my deadline and I don't even have a story. Unless you consider being gutless front-page news. Don't kid yourself. It takes real guts to admit something like that. Here's to gutless wonders. - Long may they live. - Longer than us. - Hi, Jane. - Hi. - Hey, Jane, come join the celebration. - Not tonight, guys. OK, be that way. Michael? Honey? Michael, what's wrong? Rhonda came by. She thought we might need it after what we've been through. Oh, God. Michael - How could you do it, Jane? - Michael, let me You aborted our baby. A baby I never even knew existed. My God, how could you keep this from me? - Michael, I tried to tell you - But you didn't. After what you said about not wanting a baby? What's the point? - I knew how you felt. - You don't know me at all. What would you have wanted, Michael? No speeches. No pre-conceived plans. Tell me what you would have wanted. - A baby or an abortion? - What difference does it make? - You made that choice for me. - No, I didn't. - You did. - I didn't. I couldn't go through with it. I went to the clinic. But when I started talking about it, l realized how much I want this baby. Michael, you can't just plan life. You have to live it. Great, great. So now you've decided that we are going to have a baby. Now, tell me, when do l get a say in all of this? - Have a say now. - Now that you've made up your mind? - It's not like that. - Yes, it is! Just listen to yourself! Do you have to get so angry? Can't we talk about this? You can't keep secrets like this in a marriage, honey. - This is my life, too, damn it. - Michael, come on. Walk away. Like that'll solve everything. This is not a dress. Hems and tucks won't fix it! - Damn it, not out here. - Why not? Hell, they already know. - They know everything before I do. - Maybe they're easier to talk to. Here they are. All your friends. Talk to 'em. Talk all night! Let�s go get him. Yo, buddy, come on, Mike. Michael! Slow down, come on! Michael! Slow down. Slow down! What happened? - Nothing, I�m OK. - What did she do? It's all right. Women, you know? They'll drive you bonkers every time. I got two words for you, never trust 'em. They'll rip your heart out, eat it for lunch. Men aren't any better. Let�s get a drink and then we're gonna get you home. Home. Where the hell is that? I just had to bring over that fettuccine, didn't l? Janie, I�m sorry. Sometimes I wish l never even learned how to boil water. Forget it, Rhonda, it's not your fault. I should have told him, right from the start. God, why didn't l? You were doing what you thought was right. It's just that he's so hard to talk to. He's so sure of everything when there's nothing to be sure of. - Now I�ve blown it for good. - Come on, Jane, it was one mistake. He's not gonna hold this against you. You don't know Michael. If he loves you, he loves you forever. But if he thinks you've betrayed him, forget it. Thank you. You think you know somebody, really know 'em. Live in the same house, have the same bed, share. One day you wake up and realize you don't know anything about that person. - And never did. - Yeah, well, they're yang, we're yin. Billy, I think it's the other way around. I don't know what went down between you guys, but you can't just walk out. The bottom line is you love her, right? Of course, I love her. I probably shouldn't, but I still do. I can't stop. Oh, man. Life is so bizarre, you know? I mean, I always thought when you had a baby, it'd be this incredibly - Wait a minute. Baby? - What baby? - What baby? - Jane's and my baby. She's pregnant. - I thought the building knew. - Congratulations! - It's amazing! - Hey, that's incredible! Thanks. The rest of us are jumping bridges, and you know what you are? - What? - You're the bravest guy here. - I'll drink to that. - Or the craziest. Another round for Mr Dad! No, no. I think there's someone l should probably go talk to. None of that! None of that! - A baby. - I know. Do you really want it, Michael? - I do. - Me too. God, I�m sorry. I don't know why l thought I couldn't talk to you. It was just such a shock. And with everything you said, all our plans Yeah, but plans are made to be broken. God, I love you. And you are gonna be the best dad. OK, now if it's a boy, no juniors, OK? - Why? I love the name Michael. - We'll talk. - Yeah, we got plenty of time. - About eight months. - Mom. - Dad. "So call me a wimp. Go ahead. I don't care. But I can tell you one thing: I don't need to risk my life to prove anything anymore. Life�s the adventure. Not death. " So that's it. You know, for a Valley boy, you can be surprisingly cool. - Do you like it? - Yeah, it's great. At last, she approves. Thanks. So, what do you have lined up for next week? - Next week? - Your next column? That's still seven days away. Do I look worried? Good night, Billy. Good night, Alison. "Today I saw a young man meet fatherhood head on and survive. " Move over, Doogie Howser.