Aussie Election - A game of polls - Feat. julian assange [rap news 20 - Season 1 finale]

Welcome to Juice Rap News, our twentieth edition And we'd like to thank you on this special occasion for the views, likes and comments since commencing transmission But enough celebration, we have a topic for your attention: There's a TV show that's now an international sensation people tune in each season with avid obsession It rules the planet and balances the fate of nations I'm referring of course to Democratic elections. The latest season - Winter - is Coming to Australia, and Aussies have tuned in in droves to finally discover who'll claim the throne on the mighty hill of Canberra Join us, down under as we meet each contender: We begin with the current Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, Leader of the Labour Party. - Listen up this is K-Rudd, back to smack the track with a K-Rap classic - What are your tactics to engage with the masses? - Robert I'll be candid, it's a fact that these other candidates are amateurs, out of touch with average families my twitter feed has one point three million fans on it Ni Haaaao, ***! check my Mandarin languages - What's your policy? - Let me begin with an apology-- for being so awesome, nah, kidding! ...honestly, its for the Stolen Generations... SORRY, KIDS! Now we can forget about colonisation, and move on with *** and focus on racism in the Northern Territory where we can do more damage for later apologies - And the economy? - I'll impose a tax on mining profits which is sure to be a popular and... AAAACH! - what's this? - Stabbed in the back... - By whom? - it is I! - (gasp) the red woman - I'm assumin' leadership of this party-- I'm a true slayer - Julia Gillard! How will you pander to Australia? - Listen here, the soothing strains of my nasal song Are tailored to the Strayan ear; they'll sing along And with Peter Garret, Penny Wong and Wayne Swan On harmonies, we're so strong we can't go wrong We will move forward together... and rise I'll never implement a carbon tax ever... that's right and on these cancerous packs we'll have blank designs and, I will now implement a carbon tax... I mean 'price' - Uh, that's nice... but now let's cross over to have an opening chat with the Opposition Leader, Tony Abbott - G'day, Robert, good to be with you - So how will you appeal to the Australian people? - I've got sex appeal! I'll give em what they want The other candidates underestimate just what a bunch of *** the Australian public actually is So my first tactic will be not - uh - having *** And not being some ranga witch, And whatever this Fanta pants *** has done as leader, I'll cancel it to the Australian populace, I say don't fall for this She's a communist, and she supported a misogynist - No, I've reached the end of my tolerance tether I'll not be lectured on misogyny by this man, not ever He's a sexist Catholic pig, see the irony? - Aww come on, freckle ***... here's some ironing Now, quit your ***, get back in the kitchen Australia isn't grown-up enough to elect women - Take a suppository of wisdom, you priest-abuse victim The people are with me, look at me knitting.... AAAACH! Shot in the back - Again? - Here's Kevin, back to commence the blood shedding: the red wedding! With my new look, I'm ready; I'm taking over again! What do you say to that, Tony, my friend? - You're bloody rudderless: Time for my budgie smugglers... What about people smugglers; Labor's never tough as us! - Wrong! My new policy is slapping you silly We'll divert all asylum seekers to Papua New Guinea - God that's double racism, I need to fight him with something I'll build a wall in the North to stop the Wildlings from coming - Nice try Tony, but you're way out of your depth I'm from Queensland you piece of ***, that's as racist as it gets - Ban abortion, and gays... even my sister - You *** - Stupid fat prime minister - Well, it looks like both sides are equally balanced, but wait, I'm told there might be another challenger - We cross to correspondent Ken Oathcarn, Ken, you with me? - Ken Oathcarn! I'm in London at the Ecuadorian Embassy - We hear that this year there's to be another contender seeking a senate seat. - That's right! I'm set to speak With a fella called... um... called... - Julian Assange - Ta mate. Julian Assange. He's running for the Senate in these electoral races I like him - he keeps saying "courage is ***... something" - Contagious - Outrageous! But, mate, with this whole look you got going on you got Buckley's hope of getting votes in from all the Sheilas and Blokes back home in OZ, but. What you need's a make-over - Err... Ok, but... - Good onya! - Strewth! this came out even better than I'd hoped I'm feeling it! Are you feeling it? - Bloody Oath - Now you're ready to go hard in Australian politics, what message do you wanna say to the populace - We have the chance to turn the pages over We can write what we want to write We gotta make things leak, so we can get much bolder We're all wire-tapped now We're all being fed lies Not long till we get all of the rats out Once we turn on all the lights You're the light that the world's demanding Make it bright and make things clear, oh, woah We're not gonna sit in darkness We're not gonna live with fear, oh, woah Err... well, Ken, thanks for that enlightening update on the latest candidate to arrive in the race Kevin, Julia, Tony -- thanks also for your time today Good luck to you all in this violent campaign And as Aussies head to the ballots to vote We wish them wisdom, and vision beyond the dramatics and smoke The Game of Polls is a spectacular show of course. Chances are the next season is coming soon to your shores And the first season of our own show is a wrap too but we eagerly look forward to bringing you back through brand new episodes with heavy doses of that juice Robert Foster, The Internet, reporting for Rap News