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We have a code 373
at the parking garage
at 197 olive street.
Yeah, this is Detective
Dan stark and Jack Bailey.
We're in the area and
on that code 373.
Over.
Freeze!
You're defiling municipal
property, punk!
Freeze!
You ever notice how
they never freeze?!
**
hey!
Wait down here!
I'll flush him out!
Okay.
Hey, stop!
Oh, my God!
Don't do it!
Don't do it!
How come you never pull
this with your car?
I just got this one
from motor pool.
Yeah, you might want to check
the brake fluid on this.
**
tgg 117
aaa
Dan, the "monthly bust count"
is not a competition.
It's not even a real thing,
all right?
You made it up.
The dry erase does not lie,
partner.
We are trailing Hodges
and lang by one bust.
I mean, if we lose to those dudes,
I'll blow my brains out.
How does second place taste?
First place tastes sweet,
like bacon.
We got to bust that
little graffiti punk.
I'm thinking a
stakeout all nightlong.
I'll order some pizza,
blue oyster cult on
the cassette deck.
What do you say?
You know, while that
sounds enticing,
you're gonna have to
count me out, all right?
Liz and I are gonna be
gone for the weekend.
That'sThis weekend?
Yes, this weekend.
It's the only time that
we can get to be alone
since we started seeing
each other again.
You're telling me that
you two still haven't
I will not answer that question.
Okay.
So you just want to
surrender to Hodges and lang?
"Surrender.
"
Beautiful woman,
bed and breakfast,
romantic getaway.
Doesn't sound like surrendering.
That sounds like victory.
We'll see you on Monday.
Okay, fine.
Do it myself.
**
**
wow, Jack, this place is amazing!
How did you find it?
Well, Dan, actually.
Julius, really.
We were just getting
some info from him about
drug dealers,
and he gave us a few tips.
One of them just happened to be
about this bed and breakfast.
I was talking about work,
wasn't I?
Uh-huh.
And I promised you I
wouldn't talk about work.
I believe I even
have it in writing.
Yeah, okay.
No work talk,
'cause that's why we
broke up the first time.
Listen, I promise you.
This weekend,
it's just gonna be about us.
Okay? You're gonna love it.
I called ahead,
and I made some
arrangements with the owner.
Your couple's massage
is tomorrow afternoon.
Our therapist specializes in Swedish,
if that's okay.
Sounds amazing.
Thank you, Mr.
long.
Oh, please.
Call me Carson.
Follow me upstairs.
Now, if you don't like
the Jasmine body soap
that's in your room,
I also have honeydew and juniper.
Well, thank you.
This place is gorgeous.
It's great.
I like doing things the right way.
It's my little shangri-la.
I recently got out of a very,
very difficult marriage,
so I needed a place
to find my center,
be around happy young
couples like yourselves.
So, uh, what line of
work are you two in?
Oh, well, I'm an assistant
district attorney,
and Jack here is a Detective
with the Dallas p.
D.
Uh, uh, detec-- police Detective?
Really?
What kind of crimes
do you investigate?
Oh, property crimes, mostly.
So, uh, burglaries,
larceny, car theft --
that sort of thing?
Yeah, pretty much.
My partner and I can
get tangled up in
Well, it -- it gets interesting.
Well, is it the people, you find,
or the crimes themselves?
You know, I kind of promised
that I wouldn't talk
about work this weekend.
Oh, of course.
Sorry.
Uh, you're just the first
police-Detective guest I've had.
Well, here we are.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
We will.
What are you laughing at?
Nothin'.
Oh, come on.
What's funny?
Well, it's work-related,
so I can't tell you.
Okay, well, let's just
make one exception.
Come on.
I want to hear it.
Okay.
Uh Dan has this rule.
It's called "the rule of three.
"
Now, if a guy asks a cop
three questions in a row,
it means he's a criminal.
Jack, that's the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.
What about the rule
that a guy is a criminal
if he's committed a crime?
**
the car's gonna be
here any second.
Give me the detonator.
Can I press the button?
I'm not gonna mess it up.
Tyler, now!
Give me the detonator!
Here she comes.
Okay, move, move, move.
Time to get paid.
Detective stark? Yeah.
Hey.
Oh, am I interrupting?
No, you are not.
Well, w-what are you doing?
I'm working on my
tagging signature.
See, in order to catch a tagger,
you got to think like a tagger.
So what I do is I
work on a signature,
and then I drop my signature
on top of their, uh, their taggy.
In the world of tagging,
that's an insult.
So they return to the
scene of the crime
to put their taggy
on top of my taggy on
top of their taggy,
and you bust them.
Wow!
Back in '84, my old partner,
Frank, and me,
we accidentally triggered
a gang war doing this,
but we caught our tagger.
Maybe you can avoid a
gang war this time,
because I might have a lead.
What do you got?
I analyzed the tagger's paint.
It's an Icelandic blue,
and only five stores
in Dallas carry it.
I called around.
Four of them have been robbed!
Here.
Here's the fifth store.
Bless you, child.
Looks like it's a
stakeout for me tonight
at the fifth store.
Sounds like a perfect evening.
Mm-hmm.
Do you hear that?
No.
Yeah, exactly.
Crickets.
There's no walkie-talkies,
no police scanners,
no angry, drunken perp yelling
at you from the jail cell.
Jack Bailey, I do believe
you're enjoying your time off.
I believe I am.
Mm! Almost forgot.
I have a surprise for you.
Zestrin bakery.
Ooh.
Best chocolate-chip
cookies in Texas!
Do you remember when
you tried to kiss me
on our second date there?
No, no.
I did not.
Yes.
I tried to lick your face,
but it was only because
you had chocolate on it.
Close enough.
Knock, knock.
Oh, hey.
I brought you a little blanket.
It's chilly out here.
Thank you.
How do spinach and feta omelets
sound for breakfast
tomorrow morning?
That sounds like heaven.
Carson, you're spoiling us.
I'm not gonna want to go home.
Oh.
If you enjoy your stay,
I just --
I hope you tell your friends.
Yeah, speaking of which --
how do you know Julius Grant?
Uh, pardon me?
Julius Grant.
He recommended
this place to me.
Well, when I was
starting the place,
I got my in-room tvs and
mini fridges from Julius.
Gosh, that seems
like a long time ago.
How do you know Julius?
You okay? Yeah.
That's so funny that
you know Julius.
That's, uh -- that's really funny.
Okay.
Well, thank you, Carson.
We'll see you --
okay, then, I-I'll be inside.
That guy is shady.
You cannot tell me that
that was not shady.
Jack, just because he knows Julius
does not make him a criminal.
Julius used to be a thief.
It's not that he
just knows Julius.
Did you see the way he was acting?
Okay, okay.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm just being a paranoid cop.
I apologize.
Why don't I get us some more wine?
This is Samantha.
Sam.
Jack.
Listen, I need a favor.
Jack? Hi.
Anything.
This may be stupid,
but I need you to run
a background check
on a Carson long.
He's the owner and manager
of the sweetbriar
bed and breakfast
where Liz and I are staying.
"Carson long" isn't
coming up in the system.
It may be an alias,
all right? Keep looking.
Now, I also want you to get in
touch with Julius Grant, okay?
He's on our
confidential-informant roster.
I need you to ask
him what he knows
about this guy.
Oh, and, Sam
On the downlow, okay?
I love the downlow.
Bye.
What's on the downlow?
Oh!
Uh, how did the stakeout
of the tagger go?
Not well.
What's on the downlow?
I'm not sure I'm
at liberty to say.
Listen up, darling.
I live on the downlow.
I was born on the downlow.
You write "downlow"
on an envelope,
you lick a stamp,
stick it on that puppy,
drop it in the mailbox,
it comes to me.
What's on the downlow?
**
a little something for the
birthday girl.
Julius.
I give you that,
you got to give me your number.
Loverboy, I'd like to
get my groove back.
I just want you to write
your number down
Denzel.
Could you please?
Okay, thank you, thank you.
Look, I'm sorry, all right,
to keep y'all waiting,
but a job like this is all
about customer service.
What do you remember
about this b&b dude?
Okay, the, uh,
only thing I really remember
is dude bought --
he bought some mini fridges,
he bought some tvs, stuff like --
this is back in my, uh,
my pawnshop days,
my "black-market
distribution" days,
before I saw the error in my ways,
started pouring
drinks for a living --
you know what I mean?
Okay.
Listen, Dan,
that's the only thing I remember.
Okay? I'm sorry.
Nothing? Oh, come on, j-bone.
Jacko's radar was beeping
all over this dude.
Wait a second, like,
every time y'all beep,
I have to, like, figure out
where the damn noise
is coming from?
You see how they do me?
Yeah, that's what a
good snitch does.
So if you don't know
anything about this dude,
then you make some
calls on the streets,
see if they know anything
about Carson long.
You say "Carson long"?
Yeah, Carson long.
That's weird.
That dude told me that
his name was, uh --
what did he say it was? --
Carson pulaski.
Pulaski? Yeah.
Pulaski? Mm-hmm.
Come on, now.
That's
not a name you make up.
That's a name you're born with.
Come to think of it,
he paid everything
with these real,
like, crisp $100 bills.
Oh.
Jacko's radar was not wrong.
Thank you, my brother.
You got it.
Okay, Sam, here's
what I need you to do.
Hitch a ride back to h.
Q.
Do the typity-typity,
get all the info you can
on our Polish friend.
Then call me on my
cellular *** shrinker
if you learn something.
Okay.
Where you going?
Maybe we shouldn't have had
that second bottle of wine.
I need some water.
Dan: Room service.
Room service? We just ate.
Hey, partner.
No!
Wow, nice.
What the hell are you doing here?!
I heard you found a bad guy.
I did? Liz: Jack, who is it?
Uh it's room service.
I did? We found out the
real name of the b&b owner,
and it's not Carson long.
Don't worry.
Sam told me we're keeping
it on the downlow.
Yeah, the downlow meant
"don't tell you.
"
Well, then,
that's a miscommunication.
Liz: I'm ready!
Oh, geez.
Uh
Seriously?
Get in, get in, get in.
Go on!
And do not make so much
as a noise, or I swear,
I will shoot you
through this armoire.
And don't smell Liz's clothes.
Who was it?
Uh, no-- nobody.
What do you think?
You look amazing.
Then what are you doing
all the way over there?
I'm on my way.
UmYeah.
Mm, where were we?
Um
Uh.
.
Oh, yeah.
I remember.
Yeah, I remember now.
UmHey, uh
Why don't we go on a
little walk of the, uh --
the grounds of sweetbriar?
Hmm?
Jack, do you not want this?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I do, I do.
I-I want this --
I want this more than --
than you could possibly imagine.
It's just that,
um -- well, it's --
uh
Liz?
Are you asleep?
Great.
Thank you.
Dan? Dan, Dan, Dan.
Come on.
Get out, get out.
She's asleep.
She's asleep?
Hold it.
I got to
get you some coffee.
Man, you can't pass up
this kind of sexatunity.
Look at that outfit.
No, no, don't look at
the outfit, all right?
Get out of here.
Well, where am I
supposed to sleep?
Your car.
Your car, Dallas -- I don't care.
Can I have a pillow? Stop looking!
Dan, get out!
Go for stark.
Morning, Detective! It's Sam.
Mm, ohh.
Is it morning, already?
I was having this righteous dream.
I was busting this ring
of lady cat burglars,
and this gorgeous
redhead tied me up.
Whoo! Okay.
So, I learned some more
about Carson pulaski,
our bed-and-breakfast owner.
Earlier this year,
he was investigated by the
feds for money laundering,
but charges were never filed.
Detective, are you awake?
Yeah, I'm awake, darlin'.
Crime is my coffee.
Why didn't the feds
ever bring charges?
Apparently he didn't meet
the federal evidentiary
requirements.
I'll take one look
in that punk's eyes,
get all the evidence I need.
One more thing.
According to court records,
he left his wife,
and she has been trying
to track him down
to sign divorce papers.
Ohh, come on, now.
What kind of a coward
hides from a woman?
Seriously,
I think it's disgusting.
I got to go, Detective stark.
I'm getting another call.
Samantha Evans? Uh-huh.
Hi, um, this is marion pulaski.
I got a call from my lawyer
saying that you might know
where my husband, Carson, is?
Hi! Yes, I do.
Um, he's running the sweetbriar
bed and breakfast
near Palmer, about 30
miles outside Dallas.
He's still in Texas?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
I can't tell you
how glad I am to hear that.
I've been looking for
Carson for months now.
Well, I know how you feel.
My college boyfriend left
me after graduation --
I think to join a cult,
but I never knew for sure.
So, uh, good luck with that.
Thank you.
Bye.
You are not gonna believe
who I just found.
Be here in half an hour.
Oh, good morning.
Can I help you?
Yeah, I think you can.
Well, great.
You interested
in booking a room?
We have a few vacancies.
Detective Dan stark, Dallas p.
D.
Second cop this week.
Uh, what's going on, Detective?
I don't know
Mr.
pulaski.
Pu-what-ski?
I'm gonna have to ask you to
put down your feather duster
and answer some questions about
your financial situation.
**
now the job's over!
Dude, $2 million large!
Put the money in the duffel!
Great job, Tyler.
Really?
Aw, 'cause I thought
I was taking too long
to unload the money.
I still wish I could have
pressed that detonator button.
That would have been so cool.
Hey, maybe next time, yeah?
There isn't gonna be a next time.
This is my last shot, Tyler.
Don't move.
What's going on? Hey,
hey, don't move.
You're a sweet kid.
I don't want to hurt you.
You're not gonna kill me, are you?
What'd I just say?
Hey, lie down on the ground, okay?
Facedown.
I don't
want to hurt you.
Count to 100.
If you don't finish, then
Yeah, I'm gonna shoot
you in the head.
Okay? Got that? Yeah.
Am I counting backwards from 100,
or am I starting from 1
and then going to 100?
Either one.
Just say all the numbers.
oh, no.
Now I'm
going back up again.
Detective, this has all
been a big misunderstanding.
I-I have the paperwork
right over here.
Son of a ***!
Come on, now!
How's that head feeling?
Awful.
You son of a ***!
Dan?!
High-five me, partner!
You gonna leave me hangin'?
All right.
Whoo-hoo!
How you doin', Liz?
**
you're very sorry,
are you?! Sit down!
Could I explain? No!
I'd like to explain.
Yah!
Sit! Okay.
Thanks.
Dan, what the hell is going on?!
Code 512.
This punk, he hit me
with a vase of flowers,
a chase ensued,
and you had front-row seats
of the most righteous
takedown I've had
since, I don't know, April, may.
Yeah, but what were
you chasing him for?!
He's a dirty,
filthy money-launderer!
Sam ran a computer thingy on him.
Turns out the dude's being
investigated by the feds.
They got a warrant out on him.
Wait.
This is about
money laundering?
Yes.
What else would it be about?
Nothing.
Obviously.
Guys, I am telling you --
this is a big misunderstanding.
You see, I bought
this place with cash.
I won big at the track.
I didn't know about all the
paperwork that I had to do.
There were no charges ever filed.
I don't believe
this track business.
I mean, for a place like this?
No, I think this place is a front
for drugs, human slaves
Cambodian girls and whatnot.
I swear, it's not a front.
It's just my bed and breakfast.
Well, if you have nothing to hide,
why'd you run?
Huh? Why'd you hit my
partner and then take off?
All right, you want
to know the truth?
I've been hiding from my wife.
All right? We had a very
challenging marriage.
If I get arrested,
then I will be in the system,
and she will find me.
If you met this woman,
you would understand.
She has she has
extreme rage issues.
Maybe you better man up.
A rage issue can really
spice up a relationship.
Maybe I'll lend you my cuffs
when you get out of jail.
Speaking of a woman
with rage issues.
Liz? Liz!
Look, Liz.
I can explain.
Really, Jack?
You can explain why Dan
just catapulted across
our breakfast table?
Explain that to me.
I'm all ears.
Okay.
Last night when I
went to go get more wine,
I called the station to do a
background check on Carson --
just in case.
Now, Dan wasn't even
supposed to know about it,
but then he --
he shows up last night.
Wait.
Did you just say
Dan was here last night?
When? When? When did
this happen, Jack?
When -- when we --
we came back from dinner.
Was Dan the room service?
Did Dan stark see me in
my bedroom attire? No.
Jack? Maybe.
Oh, my God! Yeah, he did.
But then I kicked him
out right afterwards.
Oh, Jack, this is bad.
Jack, I really wanted
this to be different,
and it's not.
But I feel stupid
for trusting you.
Hey, but Carson is a criminal.
I mean, doesn't that
make it less bad?
Yeah, Jack.
It gives you tons
of points as a cop,
not so many as a boyfriend.
So that's it? You're --
you're leaving?
Come on, plea-- please, don't go.
Jack, we've been
through this before,
and I already know how it ends.
It ends with me in second place.
To me that just feels a
whole lot like losing.
Liz.
Hi, it's Liz traynor.
Please leave a message.
Appreciate your cooperation.
We caught someone
stealing little shampoos
out of their room.
Yeah.
It's a crime.
You have a good day, now.
Bye, there, Mr.
and Mrs.
McGee!
You come back soon, now!
Sorry about the whole
breakfast, uh, fiasco!
Okay, that's it for guests.
I'm gonna freshen up,
take a little *** bath.
You got any witch hazel?
Don't you think there's,
uh, some way
that we can work this out here?
Work it out? Sir,
are you attempting to bribe me?
No, I don't think you
understand what my wife is like.
Marion is -- she's a
very volatile woman.
Is there another kind of woman?
You're not getting it, man.
If she finds me here, I'm dead.
I'm a dead man.
You got a lot more
to be worried about
than getting yelled
at by your wife.
**
you're late!
I'm sorry.
I-I hit some traffic.
I think there was a parade or --
I don't want to hear
your excuses, all right?!
I told you to be here
in a half an hour.
I expect you to be
here in a half an hour.
It's been 45 minutes.
Now, I'm sorry, I-I --
"I'm sorry.
"
That's what you said
when you let Carson
run off with our $2 million!
Take that!
You know what I'm sorry about?
You know what I'm sorry about?
I'm sorry that I teamed
up my rat-*** husband
and my idiot little brother,
who can't even drive across
town without screwing it up!
Well, do you think Carson
still has the money and?
That's what we're gonna find out.
What are you doing?
Hey, I just want to say --
and you're probably not
gonna want to hear this --
butI like Carson.
He's a great brother-in-law.
I-I really miss him.
So maybe you two could,
like, talk things through.
I'm not taking anything through
with that son of a ***.
All right, so, what's the plan?
First yeah.
We're gonna find Carson.
Then we're gonna find
out where the money is.
Then we're gonna kill anyone
who comes between
us and the money.
That's the plan, baby.
Yes.
That's the plan!
Well, it doesn't look like
Liz is gonna be calling
me back any time soon.
Jacko, have you
felt this comforter?
It's like a cloud filled
with freshly fallen snow.
Hey, you want me to talk to her,
explain the situation?
If there's one thing I know,
you talking with Liz
is not going to
help the situation.
Hang on, now.
What the hell?
Jacko, what are these?
Is this what you wear
when you're not around me?
They're my weekend shoes.
Oh, Jack.
This whole thing with Liz,
it's not about the arrests,
it's about your mandals.
They're Italian,
and they're comfortable.
Yeah, and they're butt-ugly.
No woman likes to see
a man's foot knuckles.
You may not have style,
but at least your punk
sense is getting honed.
Let's roll!
Hey, we're -- we're closed! Sorry!
Well, open up.
Hi.
Carson
Sweetheart.
Did you miss me?
'Cause I missed you.
Yes.
I missed you a lot.
Wow.
How -- how did you find me?
Thanks to the hard work
and the fine bookkeeping
of the great state of Texas.
Hey, Carson.
Carson: Hey.
What is going on,
Tyler? You look great.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I missed you, too a lot.
Seriously, I-I know my sister,
she's being all sarcastic,
but I, like,
love having you around.
Shut up, Tyler! All right.
God, after everything
that we went through --
all those plans and the promises.
Do you know that I brought
you up from nothing?
When I first met you,
you were working in a shoe store!
You're right.
I-- you --
you were pushing me too hard.
I think I felt a little
stifled, and then --
and then I just --
I needed a little space, honey.
Space? And my $2 million.
Well, yes, well, I -- it's funny.
That -- it did play a part,
the $2 million.
You just sit there!
I-I can't believe,
after all this time,
you can't even stand up
and face me like a man?
I -- well, I-I
Are those handcu-- hand--
are there cops in here right now?
No.
You keep checking your cellphone,
Liz is never gonna call.
It's like waiting for an ice cube
to melt in your bourbon.
Can we just get Carson?
What the hell?
Hey.
What the hell
happened to the door?
Put your hands up!
Get them up right now.
Don't move.
This is my wife, marion.
Dan, what the hell is going on?
Automatic weapons for
a money-launderer?
Don't you think that's a
little bit of an overreaction?
Money-launderer?
Really? Is that what he told you?
Yeah, what'd he tell you?
Yeah, what did he tell you?
**
Tyler's gonna meet us back home.
I'm so excited!
I love you.
Okay.
Honey? About that
What what are you doing?
This is really weird timing,
but I think the writing's
been on the wall
for a while, marion.
It's not your fault.
I mean, it is, but it's not.
It's not that specific,
and I just --
I think that you and me,
right now, we're just --
we're not working, baby.
Are you breaking up with me?
Yeah.
Over the money?!
Well, yeah, I think the money
plays a part.
Oh, my
But I think a lot of relationships
suffer from financial issues.
I figure I'm -- I'm solving
two problems right here
Right in one shotNow.
And I need you to
get out of the car.
Son of a ***.
Mm-hmm.
Son of a ***!
You think you're gonna
find another woman like me,
you idiot?!
What, someone's gonna
plan your heists
and make your explosive devices?!
I know, I know.
I think this is for
the best, though.
Okay, out you go.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe it.
That's my girl.
Someday you'll thank me.
Oh! I hate you!
I will find you!
Wait, so you're responsible
for the akard street
armored-car heist?
Yeah.
Well, I guess it's just
another one of those
"behind every great man,
there's a smokin' hot woman" story.
Just give me the keys.
Okay.
Can I put my hand down?
Yeah, you can.
Slowly.
All right.
All right, darlin'.
I'll do anything you
tell me to do, darlin'.
She's a spitfire.
So, this --
this is your brilliant idea --
opening up a bed and breakfast
to launder your money?!
Honey, I-I've always loved
the hospitality industry.
Armed robbery, grand theft --
crime-wise this is a
hell of a lot better
than we thought it would be.
Yeah, Dan, crime-wise,
it just doesn't get
any better than this.
Things just got a
little tense with us,
and I needed somewhere
to go to be calm.
Shut up.
Shut up!
Okay, uh, the three of you
are already in enough
trouble as it is,
so let's not do anything
to make it worse, okay?
Why don't we just put the guns down,
and we can talk --
oh, no.
I am not leaving here
without my money.
So what do we do to 'em?
Shoot 'em?
No! Don't!
No, that would be a bad idea.
Stupid, really dumb.
The cute one's right.
I mean, we don't want to be
wanted for murdering cops,
now, do we?
Just put them in that
building outside for now.
You and I are gonna
have a long overdue chat
about our marital finances.
Come on.
Come on!
You do know that tying up
cops is a federal offense
and that this is --
is a massage table.
There's nowhere
else to tie you up!
Well, the minute we get loose,
we are gonna throw
your *** in jail.
That's a good point.
I'm gonna do another
knot just in case.
Well-played, Dan.
My bad.
I'm sorry, guys.
It's just my sister.
Well, you saw her.
I just -- you know?
Tyler, you don't want
to do this, all right?
You're gonna get caught.
Yeah, okay.
If I don't, uh,
and -- and you catch us,
just remember that I tied
you up in a comfortable way.
Bye!
Liz, I am sorry, okay?
I should have known better
than to take you to
a bed and breakfast
that was suggested
to me by my c.
I.
That was a stupid thing to do,
but more importantly, I am sorry.
I made a promise to you,
and I broke that promise.
But I want you to know
I love you.
I've always loved you.
And if I had to give up
being a cop to be with you,
I'd do it.
Hell, if you needed me to,
I wouldn't even have a job.
I'd be unemployed and let
you support both of us
if that's what made you happy --
sit around the house
and gain a bunch of weight,
all for you.
Anyway, call me back please.
Damn you, Jack Bailey.
I could just kill you sometimes.
Oh, can you move?
No.
You know, for the record,
Liz and I are supposed
to be enjoying
a nice romantic couple's
massage right now
in this very room on
these very tables.
Isn't that ironic
How you could be naked
lying next to her naked,
but here you are tied up with me?
Thanks, Dan.
It's just an observation.
I thought you weren't
gonna kill the cops.
No, I'm not gonna kill the cops.
They're just gonna die in a
tragic hotel fire is all.
Come on.
How deep did
you bury the money?
Not much deeper.
Why did you leave me?
Huh?
Was it -- was it my weight?
Because I know there was a time
when I was a little heavy,
you know, after I did
that six months in county.
Oh, honey.
It wasn't that.
II like a couple extra pounds.
You shut up!
Just dig, dig!
Oh, if I could just
pop my shoulder
Like I used --
are you okay?
No.
No.
It seems to have stiffened
up over the years.
Well, when was the last
time you tried that?
Ohh
Jimmy Carter was president.
We need another plan, then.
'Cause I hate to
burst your bubble,
but as soon as that
marion finds out
where her ex-husband's money is,
we are both dead men.
Is that -- what's that?
Is that money?
Yes.
You know, marion,
I got to tell you --
I've been out here
Alone with my thoughts.
I've realized something.
There's nothing wrong with you.
It's me! I'm the problem!
It's always been me!
I miss you so much.
You don't know how
much I've missed you.
You do?
Yes.
I love you.
Oh, boy.
I said it.
There.
It's out.
Yes!
My life has not been
the same without you.
I guess what I'm saying here is,
you want to try this again?
Yeah, I do.
Glorious!
I think it could be
different this time, baby!
I-I'll work on my anger issues.
Like if we're robbing
a check-cashing place,
and you don't want me
to kill that guard,
I will try really hard
Not to kill that guard.
Yes!
Tyler, get the money.
Get the money.
I got it.
Yeah.
Ohh, darling!
I think I'm onto something!
IAlmost I got it! Nice!
I got it! Ow!
I got it!
Ohh! You all right?
Ow! Oh, no.
Pain, pain.
I think I
What -- is that smoke?
Dan, I smell smoke! I see smoke!
Yeah.
I see flames, Dan.
Oh, geez.
This is just a glorious day.
Oh, glorious day.
It feels so right.
It feels right.
Don't let go.
Don't let go of me.
You know what we need to do?
We need to just
take our $2 million
and just get the hell out of here.
Okay?
Uh, well
Is this $2 million?
WhatIs that?
That
My love, is $2,700.
I spent most of the $2
million on this place.
I tell you what we do.
We take that money,
we change our names,
we go to Arizona,
we get another bed
and breakfast --
okay? -- Together.
What do you think?
Ty's in.
Honey?
Here we go! Ohh!
Ohh! I did it! My shoulder popped!
I can still do it!
What is that, jacko?
What is that song? Ha!
It's massage music, Dan.
It's Terri-- it's terrible, Jack.
Help! Somebody, help!
It's like alien torture
music from the future.
Make it stop, jacko! Make it stop!
Can we focus, please, Dan?!
I'm scared!
Come on, get up!
Get up, Dan!
All right, if we don't die
from the smoke inhalation,
we're gonna burn to a crisp!
No, you're right!
You're right, partner! We got to
we got to get out!
Say goodbye, sweetheart.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, honey, honey.
I just -- I just want to say
This bed and breakfast
I worked so hard.
I picked out all the bedspreads
And the linens.
It was a dream of mine
from the very beginning.
Come on!
Help! Somebody, help!
Hello?
Anybody here?!
Fire! Fire!
Farewell
Sweet sweetbriar.
Okay, I'm at peace.
All right, new plan.
I was gonna kill you
and just bury you in
this hole you just dug,
but we're gonna need some money.
I think I want to
take you with us.
We're gonna rob a
check-cashing store,
and you are gonna kill
the guard this time,
and then I'm gonna
kill you nice and slow.
Tyler, come on.
Get him out!
I was totally on
board with Arizona.
Okay, now, come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Give me your hand, all right?
Let's try to untie
each other, okay?
Oh, Jack!
Yeah, what?
We may not make it
out of this one.
We're gonna get out of here, Dan.
We may not!
We're gonna get out of here!
Just tell me, jacko,
what did you do with Liz
in the sack this weekend?
Are you serious?
Oh, Jack.
You didn't do anything, did you?
Jacko, you learned
nothing from me!
Hey, can we focus less
on what didn't happen
and more about what
is going to happen
if we don't get out of here?!
Jack?!
Liz!
Liz!
Liz! Liz!
We're in here!
Jack? Jack: We're in here!
I can hear you! Hold on!
I can't get in!
Find something and
break the lock, okay?!
We're tied up!
Hang on, hang on, hang on!
It's dangerous!
Oh, my God, I swear, I leave
you two alone for two minutes!
Oh! It's so nice to see you!
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Hang on.
Dan: Oh, darlin'.
It's moments like this
where I understand why
Jack loves you so much
even though you never put out.
Oh, damn it!
They're getting away!
They're getting away!
Are you okay? Yeah.
I think I burned
my arm pretty bad.
That was really brave --
reckless, but brave.
Well, you can't always
be the hero, Jack Bailey.
I'm really glad you came back.
I got your message.
Jacko!
Come on! We got to
catch these punks!
No, no! I'm not leaving Liz!
Jack, go.
It's fine.
I'm fine.
Really.
No.
I am not leaving you.
Jack, now is the time to put
work before our relationship.
Now go bust me some punks, baby.
Go, go, go!
Pull up to the left!
Shoot 'em!
I get the she-devil! Hey, baby!
Hey, now, you little ***!
Come to papa!
Freeze!
Wow, someone actually
listened for once.
Hands up!
Why, you little firecracker!
Ugh! You know, uh,
under different circumstances,
you and me, we could have
done a lot of damage together
back at that bed and breakfast.
But for now
Just gonna cuff you.
You have the right
to remain silent
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, I'm not gonna be locked
up with my sister, will I?
Since there are no co-ed prisons,
no, you won't.
Okay.
I'm sorry for interrupting.
I
No, it's okay.
Okay.
You have the right
to remain silent.
Anything you say can and
will be used against you
in a court of law -- sit down.
Ah, ah! Carson!
Stop right there!
That's right,
Carson! Just run away!
That's what you always do!
Hey, for what it's worth,
I hope you enjoyed your
stay at sweetbriar!
Yeah, not really!
Thanks a lot, guys.
Hey, bad news, partner.
Looks like we lost the
"monthly bust count.
"
How? After all this?
Turns out the akard
street armored-car heist
was Hodges and lang's.
That was their case.
They drove all the way
out just to rub it in.
So we only get credit
for attempted ***.
Well, shouldn't we
be breaking even? No.
They got that graffiti punk, too.
Why are you laughing?
I guess the tagger
bust didn't go so well.
Hey, Hodges, I finally
like one of your ties!
But tomorrow is a new month.
Clean slate.
Clean slate sounds awesome.
Here you go.
I want you and Lizzie
to take my baby
wherever you want to take her.
I'm gonna hitch a
ride back to Dallas,
make sure that little ***
doesn't cause any
damage on the way back.
How would you like to spend
the rest of our weekend together?
Relaxing.
Then let's get back to Dallas.