Quantum Leap S5E22 - English Transcript

What do you got on tap? Schlitz. Schlitz. Schlitz? Got Iron City, Duquesne or Fort Pitt in bottles. Yeah, Schlitz will be fine. Regular or schooner? Schooner. What do I owe you? Fifteen cents. Fifteen cents. There you go. Oh, boy. Something wrong? That's, uh, me in the m-mirror. My God! - What? - I've got white hair. Just a little. You know, you really should look in the mirror more often. Look at these crow's feet! When's the last time you took a really good look at yourself? It's been a while. Well, you let too much time go by, you could lose touch with reality. I shouldn't talk. I look in this mirror every day for years and still thought of myself as a skinny kid. Took this picture to wake me up. - You pushed your stomach out to make yourselflook fat. - No, I didn't. Yeah! That's- So those are all - These are all pictures from World War II, huh? Everybody from Cokeburg who served is up there. Who's in the picture with you? Oh, that's my brother, Joe. We took this when I went down to visit him at Camp Edwards just before he shipped out for Europe. He's a teacher now. Oh, that's great. Well, you don't look like you changed much. Hair's gone gray. Well, that's not too bad considering it's been-What? A few years, at least, you know, since- Do you, by any chance, have today's paper? No. I already tossed the Post Gazette. Press gets here at 6:00. Wait. I may have saved the sports page. The Pirates lost. Yeah? Again. Never should have traded Kiner to the Cubs. No, I guess not. August 8, 1953. - It's the day I was born. - Happy birthday. I was born at 12:30 in Indiana, so that means, uh, No. Actually, it's 17 minutes ago. Time is a little funny here. The town voted not to go on daylight savings time. So 12:30 here is the same as 12:30 in the Midwest. Well, then I was born roughly the same time I came through that door. Holy smokes! Wow! I guess I should've warned you. Gooshie has the worst breath in Cokeburg. Gooshie? That guy's name is Gooshie? I'll be right back. Lookit here. That's really funny. No. What's his problem? You called that guy Gooshie? Mm-hmm. - And your name is Al? - Albert. It's not Calavicci, is it? No. Not Calavicci. It's funny, because I happen to know a Gooshie, and you gotta admit that Gooshie isn't really, like, a-a common household name. And I also happen to know an Al. - Al's pretty common. - Yeah. But not Gooshie. And, uh- well, the weird thing is that the Gooshie that I know and-and that Gooshie- they got the same horrible breath. Halitosis isn't rare, especially with the old-timers. Yeah. Well, maybe not. But there are two boys out front there that look kind of familiar to me too. Well, don't all boys look a little bit alike? I don't know. There's something pretty coincidental about the whole thing. Especially, you know, with me being me and all. Does that sound a little strange? Ah, just a little. His name's Stawpah. Anyone named Stawpah in your life? Not that I can remember. You no miner. Uh, no. No, I'm not. I'm just passing through. My name is Sam. I was miner. Best damn loader in Marianna. I load 24 ton a shift. Twenty-four. Today 16 ton- big deal. Hmm. Sixteen. My bubba could load 16 ton. Bubba? Grandmother. Oh. You think I lie? Easy, Stawp. Let him enjoy his beer. I know. You think, how could cripple load 24 ton of coal? I no always like this. I was big. - Strong like bull. - I'm sure you were. Loading coal in water did this to me. Soak my bones. Rust them. I lucky live to see 50. I thought it was 40. I was 40 in March. Al, you better give me a double shot of whiskey and a can of snuff. You're not retarded. You're just slow. Okay? Frank! Hey, how you doin', man? Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. How are ya? Who the hell are you? Frank, it's me, Jim- I don't know you, Jim. He tell me his name's Sam. Which is it? It's Sam. Sam. Sam Beckett. But your name is Frank, right? My name's Tonchi. Do-Do you have a younger brother? What about him? Was he born with Down syndrome? What the hell is that? A genetic disease that causes mental retardation. You saying my brother was born stupid? No, no, no. I would never say that! I was just asking if he was born with a mental disability. That mean born stupid. Pete may be a little bit slow, but he ain't stupid! I gotta go to work. But don't talk about my brother. All right? Even usin' fancy words, don't talk about him. Al, put this on my tab, will ya? How you know he not State Liquor Control Board? What? It's illegal to run a bar tab in Pennsylvania. - If you were Liquor Control Board, I could lose my license. - Check his wallet! Why don't I, uh, show it to you, huh? What that? Just Velcro. It's a new kind of zipper. You know, who I am is really none of your business. Take it, Tonchi. ! I think you better give me that wallet. You're gonna be late for work, Tonch. Can't have that. There's no one here. ! Gooshie, this is impossible. If there's no one here, that means he had to leap into himself. Well, Ziggy gives that a 99. 2% probability. He's somewhere in time as himself? Apparently so. Well, how in the hell is Ziggy gonna find him? We're not sure that she can. You put 'em on, um, Tonchi's tab, okay? It's full. It was August the 8th, 1953- literally the day I was born. But instead of nursing at my mother's breast, I was nursing my third beer in a vain attempt to make some sense out of this bizarre leap. I'd leaped into a coal-mining tavern, people with names and faces both strange and familiar to me. But the biggest surprise was that I was me. For the first time in years, the reflection in the mirror was mine- gray hair, crow's feet and all. So why had I leaped here? What wrong was I to put right? And where in God's name was Al? I was so desperate for answers, I was even looking for them on TV. Captain Z-ro. ! Research explorer in time and space in a secret location known only to a few in the outside world- Hmm. Wouldn't it be great to travel in time? Z- ro and his associates conduct experiments in time and space. All right, time cadets! Now, who has a question for Captain Galaxy and Future Boy? Captain Galaxy? That's Captain Z-ro. Is there a Captain Galaxy too? Yes, there is. Well, he must be on channel 8. Al don't get channel 8 too good. Only now and then, sometimes late at night when the iodine bounces the signal. lodine? Yes. I read about this in the Post Gazette. This iodine layer bounces TV signals hundreds of miles. lonosphere. The signal is reflected by the ionosphere. Yeah. That too. - Your name isn't Moe Stein, is it? - Nah, I'm Ziggy. Oh, Zig-Ziggy? Your name is Ziggy? You heard of me? I got a friend named Ziggy. I never knew anyone named Ziggy. What's he do? She figures things out. "She"? This Ziggy is a girl? Sort of. Yeah. Not much of a looker, huh? I wouldn't let her hear you say that. You want me to straighten your back for you, Stawpah? He make fun of me because I no qualify for machine gun in World War II. I fail the written test. You ever fire a machine gun? I'm not sure. Ah, you remember if you do. There's nothing in the world like shooting a water-cooled. 50. You squeeze the trigger, and she spits out a stream of red tracers. Empty cabbages fly everywhere. - You mean cartridges? - Them too. He not who he pretend to be, Al. Who's he pretending to be, Stawp? I don't know. When I figure that out, then I know why he here. Maybe he's here for the same reason you are - to have a beer. I never drink beer, Al. You know that. I forgot. You no forget nothing. I wonder what happen around here if you did. Things might go a little ***. That you're, uh, part of a time-travel experiment that went a little ***. Ah, don't let Stawpah get your coat. He don't trust nobody. He forgets he ain't in Russia where everybody works for the B. V. D. - K. G. B. - Hmm. Them too. Them too. Excuse me. I know an Al who says "***. " Common expression. Not where I come from. You're not where you come from. So this is just another coincidence? "***'s" a very common expression here since nearly everyone in Cokeburg comes from the old country. You know why I'm here, don't you? Don't you watch old Bogart movies? First rule of good bartendering: Never give away information for nothing. Like to take a chance? Cost you a nickel. You might hit the jackpot. - What's the jackpot? - Ten bucks. And the answer to your question. - You mean that? - Yes. Here. - So why am I here, Al? - Did you hit the jackpot? No. Then I guess you'll just have to figure that out for yourself, Sam. So how long is this nanosearch going to take? A little over a month. A month? You expect me to stand in the imaging chamber for a month? Well, Ziggy estimates there's an 80% chance we can acquire a neuron lock in as little as, uh, two and a half weeks. Give or take a day or two. Gooshie. - Ready, Gooshie? - Affirmative, Admiral. I know you're out there somewhere, Sam. Lock on to me, buddy! Lock on. Now Reds got H-bomb! So, they got the H-bomb! What if they drop it on Pittsburgh? They won't. How you know? I'm a spy. Spies know everything. Ha, ha. Very funny. Make big joke. Don't worry, Stawpah. - The Russkies drop bomb, we hide in mine till radiator blow away. - Radiation. Oh, that too. "That too. " "That too. " You so damn dumb, you no know your own name. Simo. Simo Ziganovich. - Want me spell? - Da. S- I- - So Ziggy's just a nickname, huh? - Yeah. Yeah. He no can spell it. Where'd you get a nickname like Ziggy? A donkey threw him into a steam radiator. What? We were playing donkey basketball at the school gym to raise money for the town's widows. - Doesn't that tear up the gym floors? - We wear tennis shoes. After Ziggy got tossed into the steam radiator, he zigged and zagged for a week. And Al-Al- He call me Ziggy ever since! Does Al do all the nicknaming around here? Yeah. He's good at it. I'll bet he is. He nicknamed Baba, Ghee, Nuzo. M- Munja. Uh, Herky. Uh, Kitty. Kitty. - Jughead, Snaggs, Mutta. - Ah! Why you care what Al call us? I need it for my B. V. D. Report. What about Gooshie? Did Al nickname Gooshie too? Oh, he must have. He-He nickname everybody. Al no nickname Gooshie. Gooshie been Gooshie since day he was born. Al only nickname dummy like Ziggy. I'm gettin' a little tired of you calling him "dummy. " - Why? - How would you like it if people called you "cripple"? I am cripple. Wouldn't "physically disabled" be a more humane way to describe your condition? What you call it no gonna change it. No, but it might change people's attitudes toward you. That would only happen if-if Stawpah shut his mouth! What's that? Trouble in mine! Explosion in butt 18! How bad? Fire burned itself out, but we lost about a hundred feet of tunnel. Two men are trapped. Who? Tonchi and Pete. The bottom's filling with gas. We'll have to ventilate before anyone can go down. - Why? We've got air tanks. - Breathing isn't our only problem! One spark, and the whole damn mine'll blow! Ah! - We'd be a year putting out the fire. - What about Tonchi and Pete? - They'll have to wait. - What if they can't wait? What if they're hurt? - Who are you? - He's state safety inspector. You're from the Bureau of Mines then? How long will it take to ventilate the mine? - Forty-eight hours. - In 48 hours, they'll be dead! - They're probably already dead! - They're alive. - How the hell do you know? - I know. - Any chance they are alive? - There's always a chance, Mr. Collins. But they'd have had to survive the blast, a hundred feet of tunnel caving in and wherever they're trapped, have good air trapped with them. Good air ain't gonna last no 48 hours, Kruger. Let us dig 'em out, Mr. Collins. It's our lives we'll be risking. But I'm responsible for them. - Isn't that so, Mr. - - Beckett. - I, for one, relieve you of your responsibility! - Me for two! - Who's goin' down with me? - Nobody's going down that shaft till I say so! I run this mine, Mutta, not you. I'm not risking any more lives. You no worry about lives. You worry about mine catching fire. You have a big mouth, Stawpah. Always have. Especially when it isn't your neck on the line. I risk my neck plenty. Work in bottom since I 12. How much you work bottom, Mr. Collins? This mine is closed! - Lock the cage and put guards on the shaft. - Yes, sir. I assume you'll be investigating this. Feel free to use my office. Huh. Why did you tell him I was the safety inspector? Company men like Collins make me cripple, so I make them sweat. Look, Stawpah, you've got a lot to be bitter about, but how is sweating Collins gonna help Tonchi and Pete down there? You right. I need find way get them out this time. They cold, wet, scared. Pete real scared 'cause he no can see his brother. What about their lamps? Carbide lamp burn air, so Tonchi put it out. It black like coal down there. But that not worst thing. Worst thing is water. Pump no work in bottom. Water already up to Tonchi belt. We no get them out soon, they no come out. How do you know all this? I been there too many time. I had thought Stawpah's pain had turned him bitter and blind to anyone's plight but his own. I was wrong. He needed to save Tonchi and Pete as much as I did. Maybe more. You're not here to save them. How'd you know what I was thinking? A good bartender has to be part philosopher, part psychiatrist, part psychic. Al. I'd like to talk to the philosopher part. I just stick to the basics. Okay. Okay. "To be or not to be. " "I think, therefore I am. " That kind of stuff? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. - Why am I here? - Why do you think you're here, Sam? No, no, no. No. That's answering a question with a question. That's psychiatrist stuff. All right? We're talking philosophy. - That's good, Sam. - Thank you. Now, why am I here? You're beginning to think you're here to save Pete and Tonchi. - But I'm not. - Not directly. - What about indirectly? - Who knows what Don Quixote can accomplish? - Who are you? - Bartender. Who knows everything. Only God knows everything. You don't really think I'm God, do you? - You're not just a bartender. - No, that's true. I own the place too. Hey. Hey. You want help Tonchi and Pete? I think that's why I'm here. Me too. Wha- What can I do? Be safety inspector. Boys, you heard Mr. Collins. The shaft is closed until the mine is ventilated. He changed his mind. Mr. Collins don't change his mind. He does when the head of the Bureau of Mines talks to him. I called my boss in Pittsburgh, and he spoke to Mr. Collins and convinced him to rescind his order. You did that on purpose. I did it on purpose? You let it slip through your hands! What are you talking about? - Yeah! - I did not! Hold on a second. Let me call Mr. Collins on the phone and straighten this thing out. You go ahead and do that. In the meantime, we're gonna load up. What? Let 'em go. Come on. ! Go. ! Go. ! Let's go! No, no. You do your part, Sam. Stawpah's right. Wait a second. No need for you to risk your life. I'm a doctor. If anybody's injured, I can help. Mutta. ! You couldn't come anyway, Sam. We don't have enough resurrectors. Resuscitators. Yeah. Them too. Gooshie, uh, this isn't working. - I'm getting dizzy. - We've hardly begun, Admiral. If we could only narrow our search. Sam's birthday! What about it? Wherever he is, it's his birthday. How do you know? I don't- It's just a feeling. I have a hunch. Have Ziggy search his birthdays. - Starting where? - Uh, his first. August 8, Hang on. ! To what? If I'm Don Quixote, then Al is my Sancho. Gunshots, Whooping] There isn't anything he wouldn't do for me. Or you for him. Or me for him. That's not true though. There was a time once when he wanted me to do something for him, and I didn't. Could you have done it? I could have tried. Why didn't you try? I wasn't there to save his marriage to Beth. I was there to save an undercover cop from being killed. I know you can't see me, Beth. But don't give up on me 'cause I'm alive out there. And someday, I'm gonna come back home to you. So Beth thought Al was dead and married someone else, because- 'Cause I always play by the rules. They found 'em. They found 'em! Jimmy! Jimmy! - My name is Pete. - Well, of course, it is. Set 'em up, Al! The drinks are on me! Two more minutes, and they would've drowned. Ah, you had good idea to fool mine police! Only I didn't fool 'em. It was Stawpah's idea. Stawpah. ! Where'd he go? Who? Where'd he go? Stawpah. Stawpah. Stawpah? Someone named Steve? Stawpah, not Steve! Stawpah means "Steve" in Russian. Yeah! Fine! Stawpah, Steve, whatever. The guy who was at that table- where did he go? What're you talking about? We done it tonight. He was sittin' right there, and- and then he was surrounded by some blue light, and then electricity passed all through his body, and then he disappeared. Whatever Sam's drinking, I'll have one! Me too. Me three! Me three! Me three! Me three! He leaped. And four. That must be what it looks like to leap. Stawpah- Stawpah was a leaper! Stawpah was a Ukranian. I come over on boat with Stawpah. So then you know Stawpah? Hmm. Stawpah and I work Marianna mine till I move Cokeburg. He best damn loader I ever saw. That's right. That's right. That's what he told me. He said he could load 24 tons in one day! Nobody can load 24 ton, not even Stawpah. But he come damn close. Then Marianna mine blow up, and Stawpah only miner come out of pit alive. After that, people look funny at him. It was slate on his back. Stoop him over. Yeah. Yeah, he was all-all stooped over. But not because of the slate. He had arthritis from loading the coal in water. How you know Stawpah? Because I met him here today! - Stawpah? - Yes! He die in '33, 20 years ago. Gooshie. ! I'm gonna ralph. ! - Ralph? - Barf. Spew. Upchuck. Make like Mount St. Helens. I'm gonna blow chunks! Oh, uh, regurgitate. You got it. I'm out of here. I was about to suggest a break anyway, Admiral. Look, look, we scanned all of Dr. Beckett's birthdays from 1954 through the end of the 21 st century. And wherever he is, it's not his birthday. Unless, of course, you literally meant his birthday. - What? - Well, we started the search on his first birthday. We never checked the actual day he was born. Oh, my God. My leap had taken a quantum twist. I no longer knew what was real and what was imagined, and, if imagined, whose mind was imagining it- mine or someone else's. You created all of this, didn't you? I built the bar, if that's what you mean. This is more than just a bar. There is something special about this place. Dead men save miners' lives and then vanish into an aura of blue light? Yeah, I'd say there's something special about this place, all right. Books are full of the dead saving the living. So Stawpah was here? - I remember him. - Why don't they? - That's the way it is. - "That's the way it is"? One moment he's one of them, and the next he's just a memory, and all you can say is, "That's the way it is"? Sometimes "That's the way it is" is the best explanation. Not for me. I'm not sure you're ready for more. Try me. Can you accept what you see as reality? Which reality do I accept? That one or-or that one? Haven't you accepted both, looking in all those mirrors? You are the one who's been leaping me, aren't you? I wouldn't say that. Well, what would you say? That he's been leaping you through time. No. No, no, no. No way. No way will I buy that. Why did you create Project Quantum Leap, Sam? To travel in time. Why did you want to travel through time? Because I w-w- I wanted to, um- To make the world a better place? Of course. To make the world a better place. To put right what once went wrong? Yes. But not one life at a time. Oh! I got Mother Teresa here. Do you really think that all you've done is change a few lives? Basically, yes. At the risk of overinflating your ego, Sam, you've done more. The lives you've touched touched others, and those lives, others. You've done a lot of good, Sam Beckett, and you can do a lot more. I don't want to do more. I want to go home. They why haven't you? Because I don't control my future. You do! Sam, you will only do this as long as you want to. Are you saying I can leap home anytime I want? Technically, yes. What's the catch? The catch is that you have to accept that you control your own destiny. We're getting a lock. Thank God! Sam! Quick! Come on outside! Outside. Al! Come on. Outside, Sam. Whew. Come here. Hey. ! Ah, it's so good to see you. I can't believe you finally got here. I never thought I was gonna find you. You're here. I'm here. But where is here? Al's Place. I always wanted my own bar. Yeah. This is more than a bar, Al. Uh-huh. This is where it all started. Eh, what started? Quantum Leap. Ah, but, no- but this isn't- this isn't New Mexico. No. No, no. Not the project. You remember the first time I leaped, and we all felt that someone or something grabbed me? Yeah? He's the someone or something that grabbed me. Who, the bartender? Yeah. That bartender's been leaping me around. He wants me to believe that I'm the one leaping me, but I-I, uh- I think it's him. Al, one of the miners in there is Moe Stein. Captain Galaxy. Remember Captain Galaxy? Only here his- his name's Ziggy. And Frank and Jimmy LaMotta are in there, only here their names are Tonchi and Pete. And there's a guy named Gooshie in there with a long beard. Sam. But he doesn't look anything like our Gooshie, right? Sam? But he's got the same bad breath. Sam, uh, I think we'd better get you out of here. No, Al. Please. Please. Everything I'm telling you is the truth. Uh, yeah. Uh, you haven't been leaped around by God or fate or time, but, no, you've been leaped by a bartender. He's notjust a bartender. That's what I'm trying to tell you, Al. I think he is God or time or-or fate or maybe even something that we've never even thought of. Gooshie! Al? When I leap, do I turn all blue and tingle with electrical energy? I don't know. When you leap, I go back into the imaging chamber. I bet I do. I bet I turn all blue and tingle with electrical energy, the same way that he did when he leaped. Only nobody leaped back in, but that's probably because he was dead. Oh, that's it. I'm outta here. Al! All those stories of dead souls coming back to warn the living? What if they're all leapers like Stawpah? Stawpah? Yeah. Stawpah, this guy who was here, and he leaped. He- Stawpah is "Steve" in Russian. I know what it means. I've got an uncle named Stawpah. Does he have, um- uh, rheumatoid arthritis, Al? Yeah. It's got- It's got him all twisted up like a pretzel. It's not funny. - Ah, but it is. - Why? I don't know, Al. It just is. Uh, just take it easy. I'm gonna go back and figure this out with Ziggy. But I'm gonna get you out of this. Whatever it takes, I'll- I'll get you out of this. Al's uncle. I've always found coincidence amusing. Uh-huh. And you still want me to believe that I'm leaping me? Sam, if you became a priest- - I've been a priest. - So you have. If the priesthood had been your chosen life, even though the church might move you from parish to parish, don't you have to accept responsibility for the life you lead? - Even priests can quit. - That's true. But they can also take sabbaticals, especially before embarking on a difficult new assignment. Are you telling me that the leaps are gonna get tougher? Where would you like to go, Sam? Home. I'd like to go home. But I can't, can I? I've got a wrong to put right for Al. You knew that, didn't you? God bless, Sam. Beth. Who are you? H- How did you get in here? I'm not gonna harm you. I'm here to help you. Help you and help Al. Al? You're a-You're a friend of Al's? Yeah. I'm a friend of Al's. Do you think we could sit? I'm gonna tell you a story, Beth. A story with a happy ending, but only if you believe me. And if I don't? You will. I swear you will. But instead of starting with, "Once upon a time," let's start with the happy ending. Al's alive, and he's coming home. Oh!