Husbands - I dream of cleaning - Part 1 - 4/6 - Cw seed

This is us. On our 10th day, we got a little drunk, and married, yes it's a cliché, but for us turns out equality isn't exactly equal. We're destroying marriage or reinforcing stereotypes, depending on who you ask. So for now, for better or for worse we are husbands. Where's my husband? Honey, you're home! I didn't expect you so soon. You must've... - played fast. - Yeah. I didn't let anyone touch first base. I bet I can. - Something smells amazing. - Really, you like it? - Good. You bought a whole case of it for me. - Smells an awful lot like food. It's got notes of apricot and salmon... Oh. That food smell. That would be food. Dinner tonight is roasted honeyglazed quail on a bed of mushroom truffle risotto. And then for dessert... Gogurt. And the kitchen is spotless. - It's almost like magic... - Now darling, I swear. I did all of this without using any witchcraft. Well... - You know what that sound means. - It sounds like... like you should tell me what it sounds like. Sounds to me like you need a hunky repairman to take a look at your pipe. Can you do it before my husband gets home? He's very jealous. I'll be in and out. Just gotta grab my tools. Dios mio, Senor Cheeks. Parker, you gotta scram. - Come on. Andale! - What? Calm down! If Brady sees you here, the jig is up. Tell him I'm method acting. I am plausible as a housekeeper, right? - Keep in mind, saying no is racist. - Oh, and "dios mio"? What do you call that? Spanish. - Look, I'm not going to lie to Brady. - You pay me... to put his breakfast in the microwave every morning for you to "cook." Then, after I scrub your palace... you, meaning me... cook his "gluten free", as far as he knows, dinner. Which is done by the way. So what do you call that? Method acting. I'm plausible as a scheming housewife, right? Saying no is homophobic. Damn you! I mean maybe it's kind of like a lie. Kind of, in that it's a lie. - It's harmless! - Is it? - He's happy! - Is he? - You're manipulating me. - Am I? - Aren't you? - It's kind of like manipulation. - Kind of, in that it's manipulation. - It's harmless. Is it? - We're going in circles. - Are we? - Hey, guess what else? - What, what else? My agent closed the deal today. The deal? The million dollar deal? The deal where they give you a million dollars and we become a millionaire? - That exact deal. - You know... Wes really is a good guy underneath all the... - agent. - Well... after all is said and done, we're not quite a millionaire. Or a tenth of a millionaire. - The man's a snake. - Well, there's taxes... You know, he grabbed my *** at the agency Christmas party. And I didn't tell you about it because I'm classy. Union dues. Commission. Travel expenses... Tickets... Tickets? To the game? You have to buy tickets to the game that wouldn't be a game if you weren't playing the game? - Siri, dial Gloria Allred. - We can't afford her. Well, what about endorsements? I mean... brands are all over gay athletes now. There was practically a bidding war when Tim Tebow came out. If you come out now, it's news. But I've been out over a year. I guess the value on gay stock increases over time-spent-lying. To think I've spent my whole life being me for free. - To penniless heroism! - Not quite penniless yet but if we don't scale back... Remember, this house is mortgage number two. You know, Brady, I didn't want to move either, but when you find out you're living in a *** house... *** house. I know you, though. You'll easily get the hang of living on a budget. You're Cheeks. You can do anything. You make chicken with ruffles... - Truffles. - And look around! I never thought I'd have a life like this. It's like... TV perfect. And it's all because of you! Yep. Allllll me. If you can do all this, this'll be easy for you. You can hang on to more money each month. I'm starting to think there's nothing you can't do. To expectations! Cheeks gotta carpe diem Carpe wheneva you see 'em We be rising / We be shining / Life is but a... Bite me. Well... that was half the battle. Let's get you your breakfast first, uh? Yeah, let's do that. God that's soft... It's like... like the butt of a baby angel bunny... dreaming about the... butts... of other baby angel bunnies. Cheeks? Cheeks? Talk to me, dumplin'! You making breakfast? Yessir! Yes, sir? You sure about that? Making your eggs right now! How you making 'em? Scrambling... scrambled! They almost ready? Waffling... Waffles! I love you. Don't worry, honey. I will. Dammit! Hey, Cheeks! I'm flippin'! I gotta get on the road. I didn't realize it was so late. You mean, you're not staying for breakfast? I can't, baby. I'm sorry. I'll be home this afternoon. - Love you! - If I remember! Well, that's actually kind of a relief That was just a cliché waiting to happe... Closed captions: Francesco Bavastro [www.italiansubs.net]