The (Totally) Phantom Menace

Today is a big day. Here is your first lightsaber. It is now time for you to learn how to control this formidable weapon, which only the Jedi and Sith master with perfection. The golden rule: never let any hint of menace be displayed. The menace must remain phantom. First off, never point your saber towards anyone. You might hurt them. Aim to the side of them. Then, even if your opponent strives to miss you, dodge his blows. You can never be too careful. I recap: aim to the side, dodge as a precaution. Aim to the side, dodge just in case. Squint and aim, bow down exaggeratedly. Botch your aim, make a show of your dodge. Aim like a drunkard, jump like an idiot. If hitting emptiness is too hard for you, ask your opponent to guide you with his saber. You'll just have to hit it. The main thing is to keep a safe distance between your saber and your opponent. Lucas: Let me tell you something. I've been in this business for years, and guys like that, who miss their target by 20 inches, that I've never seen. Audiences will love it. While your opponent is grappling with your partner, he is at his most vulnerable. Avoid any threatening moves. Opt for something more harmless, such as a few waltz steps. [Ballet music] If your enemy finds himself in a particularly tricky situation, give him time to recover. Pretend you are doing some warm-up exercises, or that your opponent is too quick for you, even if admittedly, a drunken jedi would have had the time to carry out a whole dance routine. Finally, if your opponent throws himself at your saber, move it out of the way. An accident can so easily happen. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Aim any old how, go to the dentist.