Royal Pains S3E1 - English Transcript

I'm Hank. And I'm a different kind of doctor. Here's what happened to me last summer. I got fired from my job as an E. R. doctor in Brooklyn for refusing to let a rich patient cut the line. Then I got dumped by my fiancee. I went out to the Hamptons with my brother, Evan, and met a mysterious billionaire named Boris, who set us up in a cottage on his estate. Along with Divya, a determined physician assistant, we started a concierge medical practice, healing the rich and famous. I also met Jill, the hospital administrator, and helped her start a free clinic for the locals out here. Jill and I had an on-again, off-again, on-again romance. As last summer came to a close, everyone went their separate ways. I stayed behind to keep an eye on my patients and unwind from a few very hectic months. But winter came and went pretty quickly, which brings us to today the first day of a brand-new summer. Shaver's remorse. I kind of got used to all that extra fur. Ah, you don't need it anymore, Hank. Uh, it's $30 now. $30? Franco, it was $10 a few weeks ago. It was $10 a few hours ago. All right. Ooh, nice haircut, doctor. How do I look? Like a victim of highway robbery. How much did you pay? More than usual, less than you. Well, Paige is worth every penny. You think she's with you for your hair? Well, she gets back today, and everything at her party should be perfect everything, especially me. Party? What party? The one I'm throwing her today. Ev, you throw her a party every time she gets back from a trip, and she takes a lot of trips. I know. I I I wanna incentivize her to come home. It's my dangling carrot. And how big will today's carrot be? Today's carrot will be very exclusive - Honestly. - Okay. You, me, me Remind me why we need a P. O. Box. Uh, you want our patients to know we're still crashing at Newberg's? Better than them thinking we run a mail-order medical practice. This is for me, me, me. Oh, this cool one's for you. Just kidding. It's for me! Me Me Oh, check it out it's a postcard. Who sent a postcard? Jill From Uruguay. Jill sent you a postcard? No, she sent it to you. Then why are you reading it? It's a postcard. You want privacy, tell her to spring for an envelope. I wonder what her "big news" is. Yeah. Me too. Me You, and "occupant". Looks like summer has arrived. Her name is Divya. Hi, Divya. Isn't it a bit early for lunch? I haven't worked up an appetite just yet. Divya, check those two drivers. Miss, wait. Are you hurt? I don't think so. I hit the brakes just in time. Call 911. Tell them we have a bus collision with possible injuries. Got it. Where are you going? In there. Excuse me. Just coming in. Hi. Hi. Everyone, please stay still. I'm a doctor. I'm gonna make sure you're all okay one at a time. All right, ambulances are en route. I ordered a few, just in case. Evan? Evan, what are you doing in here? When you come in, we come in behind you, man. - We? - Both drivers are okay just a little shaken. The woman promised to call if anything pops up. Divya, triage from the other end of the bus. Anyone who can exit safely, come up to this window, please. Ev, there are people outside who can help you off-load. - Okay. - Can I help? Do you know what happened? Yeah, about 250 grand worth of midlife crisis came straight at me, and I had to swerve. Uh, what's the plan? The door is jammed. It won't open. Yeah, I saw. Can you pop another window? Yeah, I'll give it my best try. Aah! Aah! Okay, okay, stay still, sir. Stay still. Where's the pain? Oh! My left leg is killing me! Aah! Okay, okay. All right. - What's your name? - Rob. Rob, you fractured your femur. - Ev, is everyone else out? - Uh, just a couple more to go. Okay, good, good. I need you over here now. Come here. Okay, Rob, this is my brother, Evan. He's gonna be your temporary splint. - What? - What!? It's called a human-hare splint. Okay, now, sit down. Okay, good. That's it. Extend your left leg till your foot hits this pillow. - Now grab his ankle - Okay. And extend your back till you're lying on the floor. - What? - Just lie down. Good. Now, use all your strength to keep his leg completely straight. But that's gonna really hu - Now. - Aah! Okay. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, that's so much better. Hank! Good. Now, just hold him till I tell you to stop. Hank! We were helping the last passenger out. He just doubled over in pain and then just collapsed. He got impaled with a piece of broken glass. I had a bottle of iced tea in my lap. I didn't feel anything till just now. Your adrenaline was masking the pain. Helping the passengers out probably opened the wound. I managed to get a He's 60 systolic. His B. P. is crashing fast. All right, hand me a tourniquet and open up the line. I'm just looking for a vein. Veins are collapsed. - Uh, give me a 14 angio - Okay. and set up another line, quickly. But you said that his veins There's one more I can try - his jugular. - Okay. Let's elevate his legs. Okay. The blood from his legs will pool in his upper body and dilate the vein. We should be able to get him some volume fast. And that will get his B. P. back up. Exactly. Okay. Inserting the angio needle into his jugular vein. Okay, we got it. Line, please. Okay, I'm opening up the line. - What happened? - You just took a little nap. Now we have to rush you to the hospital. You're gonna be okay. Gonna be okay. Yeah. Hank! Hank, come! Come on, come on. Hey, guys. Hey, it's the Mayor of Southampton! Hi. I've always wanted to meet you, sir. Pleasure. So, yeah, it's not just me. That's my brother, Hank Lawson. I'm Evan. R. Lawson. That's Divya Katdare, and together, we are Hankmed. Hank! So, okay, great. So, uh, great. These are my business cards. Mayor, uh, maybe you can hand 'em around, bud. Thanks a lot! �TS �TS �TS My independence went away �TS �TS I didn't listen when it said �TS �TS Rely on yourself �TS �TS Trusting someone else �TS �TS Is a path for the silent ghost �TS Royal Pains 3x01 - Traffic Original air date June 29, 2011 Welcome home! - Thanks. - Yeah. O kay. Oh, my God, the party I totally forgot. The rest of the Hamptons didn't. Yeah. Um, I did not invite this many people. Oh, word of a party got out shocking. Um hi, yeah. Uh, thank you so much for coming, guys. Uh, sorry I'm late. It's just there were lives in town that needed saving, and as the CFO of Hankmed, I'm basically I I basically just do whatever needs to be done. If I'm there and kind of danger danger comes up, then I'm there. But my brother Hank, why don't you Just a few of your close friends, huh? I didn't even do it. Word just got out. I think you used the wrong word. - Oh, God. - What? The queen of the castle's back. Oh, boy. You know what? I think that I need a drink. - Good luck, Evan. - Thank you. - Hi, Divya. - Hello, Ms. Newberg. I'm so happy to be back with my boys. And thank you for letting us stay here this winter, Ms. Newberg. This is totally the first party I've ever thrown here, too, by the way. Oh, I love a good summer starter, especially a big one. It just oozes sexiness Which reminds me, your father called from prison. That's a fun segue. How did he sound? He sounds fine. He sends his love. It's just that He still doesn't want any visitors. Your father has a lot of pride. Well, we don't want to take his pride. - We just want to see him. - Yeah. Well, he doesn't want to be seen as is. And neither do you, by the way. Let me tuck this in. Oh, no, no, no, I really no, no. Ms. Newberg! Aah, that's a little too deep, okay? - Car pulling up! - Paige is here! Oh, my God, she's here. Good. Okay, guys, guys! Everybody, guys! She's here! Guys! It's time! Guys, she's Everybody everybody, shut up! Okay, great. So, inside, places right now, okay? This is great. Right now! Let's go! Okay, thanks a lot. Yeah, come on in. Welcome home! - Jill. - Jill? Oh, wow. Oh, you guys shouldn't have. Yeah, we didn't, actually, but here you go. It's good to see you, Jill. Welcome back. It's good to see you, too. - Hey. - Hi. I had no idea you were getting back from Uruguay today. Yeah, surprise. Surprise. So did you get my postcard? I did. Okay. Can we talk about it later when we have a little bit more privacy? Of course. - Okay. - Of course. - How was the trip? - Hey, what's up? Paige got held up putting out a family fire. She's not making it. Did you tell her about the haircut? Ev. Marisa. It's good to see you. And it's good to see all of you. I understood you wanted a conversation, not a convention. Give us a moment, gentlemen, please. Come, sit down. How have you been? That's why you summoned me to ask what's shaking? No. I want to give you this. What are you doing, Boris? I am accepting financial and legal responsibility for the baby. I want it to be provided for. I want it to bear my family name. I want it to be protected. And what does our baby need to be protected from? Marisa, there are some in my family who might challenge the idea of a new heir, you understand? It's a necessary precaution. All you have to do is review and sign, when whenever you're ready, of course. I'm sure the terms are very generous, but this is not about a trust fund or a prestigious surname. What is this about? This is about you taking personal responsibility for our child. Boris please stop pushing the people closest to you farther and farther away. I did not push you away. You left. You did it with Hank. You did it with me. And I will not let you do this with our baby. Marisa. - Ahh. - Marisa. �zQue te pasa? Marisa! Dieter! Well, I spent the winter here, treating patients with Hank. It's quiet out here in the off-season, huh? Just what I needed after Raj. How are things with your parents? My parents have been in London. Ah. They haven't spoken to you. Oh, we spoke once, when I called them to tell them the C. D. C. released me and Raj with a clean bill of health. Divya, I'm sorry. They'll come around eventually. Any idea when? They're your parents. They're supposed to test your patience. And, you, how was Europe with Paige? Epic. It was epic Though I haven't spent more than a week with her since then. She travels like a rock star. It's crazy. Hey, you're dating in the jet set now. I'll be there as soon as I can. Boris. I thought he kicked you guys out. - He did. - When did you patch things up? - We didn't. - Oh. Go on in. Good. Hank. - What's wrong? - It's not me. Marisa? She's here? I think she's in labor, but, uh, of course she disagrees with me and refuses to go to the hospital, I must tell you, my helicopter is on standby if needed. Boris, I'm happy to examine her, but I'll need you to wait out here. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure it's just Braxton hicks exacerbated by parental anxiety. Okay, tell me about the contractions. Non-rhythmic, anterior only, stable frequency ay! and intensity. Okay, listen, I'm gonna I'm gonna help you onto the bed. That's it. Easy. Right here. Good. I think they're subsiding now. Yeah, with Braxton hicks, sometimes just changing positions can be enough to help. A welcome little trick, Dr. Lawson. And for my next trick, I'll be performing a full exam, just to be safe. Did you determine the gender yet? I wanted to find out, but I would be obligated to share the results with Boris. Right. And if it's a boy, which would increase its odds of inheriting the disease, you think it'll be even harder for Boris to embrace his own child. The most important thing to me is that this baby is loved unconditionally. And while I don't want to raise our baby alone I'm prepared to do just that. It's entirely up to Boris. Good thing I got your card before I drove away. So you guys are local heroes now. Just local. Try not to scratch, Ms. Windland. Please call me Judy. Let me see your eyes for a sec. Conjunctiva injected. Where have you been? Here, since you saw me. First the traffic it's getting worse and worse every year. And then the accident, and now this. Uh, open, please. Pharynx is red with minimal swelling. Uvula is mid-line. Any idea what set off your allergies? Uh, well, the area rug is wool. Um, there has clearly been a cat here, and, oh, that postmodern monstrosity that's just wrong. Sir, could you just move it, please, a bit closer to the front door? Keep going. If I move it any closer to the front door, it's gonna be outside. Oh, you want it outside, okay. Could have just said that. Deep breath. Judy, isn't this your house? - Uh, lungs are clear. - It used to be. My husband and I divorced a year ago. And so I I get it during the summer. The rest of the time, my ex is here with her. I'm an interior designer, and I can tell you that the only thing she has good taste in is other women's husbands. The rash? Maculopapular, pruritic. Red, bumpy, and itchy. Bless you. I mean, look at this place. She's changed so much. And on top of my existing allergies, I seem to be allergic to everything she has. We're throwing our I'm throwing my annual summer kickoff dinner party tonight, and I'm covered in hives, and no medication is working, and I just please tell me that my day's not gonna get any worse. Have you, uh, ever been diagnosed with diabetes or peptic ulcer disease? No. Will you, uh, excuse me a moment? Mm-hmm. Judy, I'm gonna inject you with a steroid and a couple of histamine blockers. Your day should start to get better within a few hours, and I'll stop by later to make sure. Okay, here we go. Who was that? Okay, you don't have to tell me, I guess. Was it Raj? What? I kind of miss that guy. It's weird. Again, Evan, I have not spoken with Raj since our quarantine. He didn't talk to me then, and we were locked in the same room for a whole week. Wow. Sounds like a fun quarantine. He may never speak to me again. And, honestly, he has every right not to. Look, maybe he just needs some time to get past it, you know, like your parents do. Well, it seems he needs more time than my parents did. That was your parents calling? They just arrived for the summer, and they want to sit down and talk face-to-face. - That's great, Divya. - That's awesome. I'm so happy for you. Let's call Raj while we're hot. No. - Making dinner for Paige? - It's the way to go. It's a way more intimate reunion. Totally. Nicely played, Ev. Yeah. Well, actually, Newberg suggested it. Suggested or insisted? Uh, insisted, yeah. So Oh, have you talked to Jill yet, by the way? No, haven't had the chance. It's cool. Probably shouldn't force it. Huh? What what does that mean? Nothing. It's just Like, when she said, "we got to talk", - like, the way she said that - Yeah? What if her big news is bad news? Come on. Seriously. What if it's big, bad news? We'll see what happens. - Finished, boys. - Hey. What's, uh what's all this? Blue point oysters, lobster caviar, truffles, and champagne foods that puts you in the mood. Yeah, in the mood to be poor. Don't be so shortsighted. It's better to live in poverty and in love then to have a fortune and spend it all on divorce attorneys. I forgot the vanilla saffron. We really need to find a new place to live. Welcome back home! They're exquisite. Thank you. Father. Hello, Divya. I'm so happy that you are back. The house has been so empty without you two. Divya, there's much to discuss. I owe you an apology for waiting until the last minute to cancel the wedding, for costing you a lot of money by doing so, and for the embarrassment that I caused our family. I feel awful, and I'm eager to somehow earn your forgiveness. Mistakes were made on both sides. We should have known better than to commit you to such a close friend. Raj is a good man, an understandable choice. He will make another woman very, very happy. Raj is in the past. It's time to move forward as a family. You'll join us tonight for dinner at the club, 7:00 sharp? - I'm looking forward to it. - Good. No, Coral, I totally get it. Don't even worry about it. Maybe next year. Send Chris my love. Sue, we're down to 15. My body has stopped revolting against me, thanks to you. Good. The, uh, itching and runny nose? Gone and gone. - Stick out your tongue. - Ahh. Okay, good. Okay, um, take a few deep breaths. Okay. Crystal clear. Let's see the rash. Have you ever been married, Hank? Uh, almost, once. Well, take your time. Choose wisely. Uh, that's where the "almost" came in. Oh. Huh. This one's still red and swollen. It doesn't itch. I probably bumped it moving all the furniture around. Yeah, I I don't see any bruising. Does this hurt? No, it feels good. When you're done, could you do my feet? I should to get back to setting up the party, anyway. Look, Judy, I know you care about this party No, Hank, what I care about is just getting things back to normal. What if my friends keep canceling? And you're thinking they will. No, I'm thinking you're having an asymmetrical reaction to the cortisone, which I find curious. Don't I read your mind well. Uh, thank you for the concern, but I'm okay. Yeah, I'll be back tomorrow to follow up. I look forward to it. - And, Judy - Hmm? Good luck tonight. Thank you. Judy you said you sat in traffic. On the way out here? Yeah, a ton. - For how long? - Five hours, at least long enough for my phone to die. Why? Do you have pain in your left leg? Hank, I can't worry about this Judy! It it may be a little painful. No. No. Aha, there it is. - Hmm? - Deep-vein thrombosis. Deep-vein what? It's a clot that can form when you're sitting still for too long. - Like in traffic. - Yep, or on a plane. It also goes by the name of economy class syndrome. That and they charge for baggage? If the clot grows into your thigh and breaks off, it can cause an obstruction in your lungs. Oh. Luckily the clot's below your knee, so you have two treatment options. I can treat it here, by pill and injection, to keep it from growing. - Or? - Or we can hospitalize you and start the meds intravenously. Mm. Stay here, go to the hospital. Stay here, go to the hospital Please just do your thing, so I can get back to prepping my party. Uh, Judy, with either treatment, you can't get out of bed. Oh. Okay, uh, then do your thing. I will go get in bed, and you can check on me in the morning. Good thing you're a bad liar. And now that I can't trust you, you have two new treatment options. You can cancel the party and come to the hospital, or I can stand outside your door and send away all your guests by citing a medical emergency. Fine. - Take me to the hospital. - Okay. At least they allow guests. You know, you're really killing me here, Hank. Quite the contrary. This way. What's going on here? What do you mean, Divya? I mean, what is this? This is dinner with the Uppals. Are you really trying this again? Divya, this is neither the time nor the place. Finally we agree on something. Divya! Ooh, smells good. What is it? It is a medley of potent aphrodisiacs. Oh. Well, I hate to disrupt a romantic dinner. No, no, you're not disrupting. Paige postponed her return again. Oh. That's a bummer, Evan. I'm sorry. Yeah, me too. She no-showed two days in a row. What does that mean? Like, did I do something? Did I not do something? Or did she meet someone? Evan! Okay, what did she say exactly? Well, she didn't say anything, 'cause we've just been texting. So, how did she sign her texts uh, "love you", "xoxo"? Yeah. Some people are just to the point. You know what? She may not be the master of romantic communication. That's okay. I happen to be. Yeah. I'm, uh I'm gonna go write her an email that she will never delete. All right. - Poor guy. - I know. So So Listen, Hank, I was away for a long time. I was recruiting and training volunteers and vaccinating entire villages. I I saw a lot. And I thought a lot. I finally realized what I want right now. And it's not here. When are you going back to Uruguay? I am going to tell the hospital tomorrow and help them find and train a replacement. I'm happy for you. Yeah, I mean, you you you threw yourself into a totally new environment, and you thrived. Well, it wasn't quite that easy, actually. I yeah, I had a really hard time at first. Listen, Hank, I've lived here my whole life, but I have to do this. You couldn't have just said all that on the postcard? I missed you, Hank. I did. Yeah? Hi? Hi. You checked yourself out of the hospital against medical advice after I checked you in? It was stupid. I know. But I just needed to be here, Hank. I was gonna check myself right back in afterwards. Judy, it's a hospital, not a timeshare. - You need to be in bed. - Why? Aside from a sore leg, I feel totally fine Physically anyway. Your friends didn't show? No, they showed. - They just left, in fact. - Oh. They liked the food, and they laughed at each other's jokes, but it just it wasn't the same. All I know is the whole thing was way more painful than this clot in my leg. I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, I don't want anybody's pity. I just want to move forward. He's happy, Hank. But me? I have to come out here all by myself and start my life over from scratch. It's just Judy? Hi. This is Dr. Lawson. I'm at 40 Sluchan Avenue with a 32-year-old female syncopal, cyanotic, and unresponsive. Please hurry. Hi. Hi. What happened? It's okay. It's okay. You passed out, probably as a result of a pulmonary embolism. So you weren't bluffing. I'm not much of a gambler when it comes to arterial blockage. Blockage? Am I gonna die? No, you are not gonna die. Your vitals look good, and I'm right here with you. - Are you having chest pain? - Just a little bit, yeah. - Okay, how's your breathing? - It's fine. Am I really okay, or do you just have an amazing floor-side manner? You are really okay. I'm gonna give you some heparin for the clot, and then we're gonna get you back to Hamptons Heritage, where I expect a full recovery. I regret the way that I handled things last night. I have placed a call to the Uppals to apologize for my abrupt and impolite exit. But you need to understand that Raj was not the problem. I want to choose my husband not be assigned one, so Now, here's what you need to understand. Marriages in our family have always been arranged. Your mother's marriage to me was arranged by your grandparents, by the collective wisdom of four elders from two families, just as their marriages had been. I understand that. I understand that, and I respect that, which is why this has been so hard for so long. You both mean the world to me. And when I find my husband, I pray that you will like him. But I will love him. Nothing takes priority over that. Well, Divya if you can't accept our wishes, our traditions, then you shouldn't accept anything from us. Okay, what does that mean exactly? Hi, Judy. Well, well, well, I just love what you've done with the place. You would love it more if they'd let me wallpaper and change out all the fixtures. So when can I leave? Your C. T. confirmed a small pulmonary embolism. But after the warfarin stabilizes you, we can stop the heparin and get you out of here. And that's it? We'll monitor your platelet function, but other than that and a ban on contact sports, yeah. More flowers. Are you going for the hospital record here? They're from my friends. Sent out of obligation and pity. Maybe I underestimated them. And maybe they just need to get used to you in your new environment, just like you do. - You make it sound so easy. - No. No, I know how hard it is, believe me. Your "almost"? She left you? Did you tell her you were a doctor? And I was where you are now in a world of hurt, no idea what my next step was. Then I came out here, started my life from scratch. Now I'm happier than I've ever been only I never got flowers. Oh, well, lucky for you, I have plenty. Thank you. Dr. Lawson. Dr. Redliner. Hi. And I thought you made a name for yourself around here last summer. Oh. You're referring to the Jitney. And to your future, Hank. I'm sure saving a bus full of people can't compare to the adrenaline rush of curing a media mogul's hangover. Okay, okay, easy. Just know that the E. R. door here is always open to you. Thank you. Thanks for the offer. Yeah, we're actually Uh, okay, you're going right there. Uh, maybe we should go - Yeah! Great! - to another Oh, excuse me. Dude, we really got to find yet another free mansion to live in. Yeah, I'll get right on that. 'Cause I guess you won't be moving in with Jill anytime soon. Not sure that's in the cards, no. I'm glad you handled her news so well, though. Yeah. If it makes you feel any better, I have a feeling we'll be single together. Actually, that might take all the fun out of it for me. What no reply to your epic email? She's getting bored. Ev, come on! You're jumping to conclusions. Fairly obvious ones. Our time apart just made her realize I'm not in her league that's all. I'm not. Ev, this all in your head. You and Paige are fine. In fact, you're more than fine. You're adorably and disgustingly perfect. See? I'm sure that's her right now at the door. What are you doing? I don't want to seem desperate. - All right. - Yeah. We're still in seventh grade. Okay. All right. Is it her? Can you see her? Hank? Paige? Anybody? I owe you an apology. Oh? For what trying to exile my father, trying to violate my doctor-patient confidentiality with Marisa, evicting Evan and me without notice? All of the above. That is the correct answer. Hank, I don't want Marisa to be alone for the rest of her pregnancy. She'll move back, but only under one condition. She'd like you back at Shadow Pond. And she's right. My emotions got the best of me this time. I crossed the line. I'd like you back at Shadow Pond. I'm not a yo-yo, Boris. And you'll have a lease to prove it. A lease? You may fill in the expiration date as you will. And I wanna pay. No more free rent it comes at too high a price. Shall we say market rate, then? Oh, let's not get carried away. Hank! It's getting chilly! You want I should bring you a sweater? Perhaps I underestimated my leverage here. I'll pay anything. All right, great. Divya, you got to be more careful with those pictures of me, all right? - I'm fine. Thanks. - Great. Ugh, we should've hired pros, man. It's the first weekend of the summer. The pros were booked. Okay, where do you want this stuff? Uh, don't put it directly in the sunlight. Got bubble wrap, got the tape. Oh, not too close to the fridge either. Sorry, Divs, it's just really delicate, okay? Oh. Are you crazy? Why would you do that? That's not cool. I took those pictures of myself. You know how Oh, I know a good idea when I see one. Let's do this. - Great. - Yes! Love it. - All right. - Yes. You're paying for the dry cleaning. Paige? It's nice to see you back home. Hi. Evan? Yeah? Where do you want this? Oh, yeah. Cool. Thanks. Look, I'm sorry I was so M. I. A. , I was dealing with some family drama. Yeah, you mentioned that. And then I got your email, and I knew I could only respond in person. What's your response? Well, you make a very persuasive case for yourself, Ms. Collins. - Let me think it over, though. - Okay. Well, I'm gonna go to the car and grab the box labeled "Evan's hair product". I should probably help you with that one. - Okay. - It's pretty heavy. I really missed you. Okay, how about we take a quick break? That sounds great. Thank you, Boris! Oh, man, I have been getting inundated today. Yeah. Me too. Is it a beginning-of-summer thing? "Heard about you guys and the Jitney". "Have rash, will pay". Teenager, definitely. Oh, hey, how'd it go with your parents? It went perfectly. Great. I'm so glad to hear that. Oh. By the way any chance I could crash here tonight? - Uh yeah. - Great. Thank you. Sure. Maybe tomorrow night too? Divya? How perfectly did it go exactly?